[[I want this here for reasons... i love this so much, and it needs to go on this blog]]
vvicissitudo
hey meen
hey
did u see
im on for nearly fivve days noww
brackishbarracuda
im proud tbh
vvicissitudo
yeah?
i feel accomplished
brackishbarracuda
how long have I wanted u to interact w ppl istf
vvicissitudo
i mean
i wwouldn't call this accomplished
but i feel that wway
brackishbarracuda
I do shut up
brackishbarracuda
don't actually shut up
vvicissitudo
ahaha
i lovve you
i aint really TALKIN to people
offerin idle comments maybe
brackishbarracuda
it's a start
vvicissitudo
yeah
yeah it is
am i uh
doin good
brackishbarracuda
you could stand to loosen up a bit
vvicissitudo
yeah
true
but u kno me
prickly af
they gotta get thru the hard shell first
brackishbarracuda
it helps when you give em half a chance
brackishbarracuda
they aint gotta b best buds right off the bat u can b a casual friend
vvicissitudo
u really think im bein TOO prickly
brackishbarracuda
i just want u to have a chance to get out more clams
vvicissitudo
i like wwhere im at
vvicissitudo
besides most a these guys
they aint gonna be here in six perigees
brackishbarracuda
casual friendship
enjoy em while it lasts get a decent conversation an if they dont come back oh well
vvicissitudo
i guess so
hmm
but half a them aint replied to me or commented on my followw
brackishbarracuda
so let it go and start another one later
ppl got lives
brackishbarracuda
whats up w u tho
vvicissitudo
listenin to music up top
lookin at the wavves
s gonna rain
not storm i think
just rain
brackishbarracuda
u wanna go for a swim when it starts
vvicissitudo
shore
its alwwavves nice
brackishbarracuda
what uh
brackishbarracuda
I mean we ain't talked reely much
vvicissitudo
do wwe gotta?
brackishbarracuda
and I got quads commin outta my ears
vvicissitudo
ahaha
that u do
wwhat wwould wwe talk aboat
me still feelin shitty ovver the other night?
cause thats a thing
brackishbarracuda
we aint gotta
vvicissitudo
there aint much i feel that needs t be talked aboat
besides the wwhole thing ww... that.
i feel guilty
is it my fault?? wwhat can i do for that
but uh
other than that, nah. storms an rain an wwavves are good
talkin about that spill earlier tho got me itchy ZZ3B\
brackishbarracuda
ive been takin deep breaths and movin em
vvicissitudo
yeah
does that help
brackishbarracuda
no
vvicissitudo
tried pourin spring wwater dowwn my neck
felt nice but ddn't wwork
brackishbarracuda
I just been tryin naut to think aboat it
sometimes they ain't wanna open and I half panic for a second
also it ain't ur fault
also what do you think about the bouys 38/
vvicissitudo
thats terrifyin to think aboat
noww i gotta open mine up an check em
ugh
wwhat you really think so?
an uh, wwhich bouys
brackishbarracuda
yeah u didnt force her hand she fucked up an she shoulda been straight w him and i tried to fuckin tell her that but no
an
the clowns
vvicissitudo
They're good. I aint too much talkin to em yet
Tho uh.
Wwhich clowwns
brackishbarracuda
clams
the two im datin
zee and arlequin
vvicissitudo
I kno that... Just wwondered
Theres a lotta clowwns
U kno i nevver paid much attention to em
brackishbarracuda
would u
vvicissitudo
Pay attention? Noww, yeah, I'm startin to
brackishbarracuda
theyre good people
brackishbarracuda
an
i want u to be a part a all a my life
vvicissitudo
i wwant to be part of it
all a it
i didn't followw any clowwns before
an noww that i do
its
hard
vvicissitudo
i keep seein the text, the wways they talk an i
see you happy
an i feel bitter
aboat me
because you're my happiness
u got a full house
im glad for u
brackishbarracuda
nearly anyway
vvicissitudo
i just hate myshellf rn
its nothin that
vvicissitudo
its nothin to wworry aboat
itll pass
brackishbarracuda
i alwaves worry aboat you
vvicissitudo
i hate wwhat loz did
meen
i hate it
i think i'd rather havve just had one heartbreak to deal wwith
i didn't evven get any closure
i got to kiss him once i got to hold him as he fuckin died along wwith you an
wwhere does that leavve me
vvicissitudo
in limbo
wwaitin
wwonderin
wwheres my makara
wwheres my red
wwheres the one wwhose gonna fill that hole
an then i see ur makaras
an
i feel terrible
cause i don't
vvicissitudo
want
to get to knoww them
because i knoww ill just
get hurt
an i knoww they aint mine
evven if i wwant them to be
part of this family
an its part a wwhat i posted
aint no one talked to me last night
i mentioned arlequin once in his owwn post
vvicissitudo
that other captor  nevver replied to me evven after i said somethin
that other ampora, the wwhiny one
he liked posts datin back a wwhole swweep an pike a hundred posts besides
im trying, i swwear
for you
but i dont
my heart aint in it
i dont
i don't knoww wwhat to do here anymoray
brackishbarracuda
you keep tryin
vvicissitudo
been almost a wweek
a godamn record
that ivve been on doin social things
brackishbarracuda
an im proud a u for it
vvicissitudo
i got you
thats al i got
its all i
wwant
brackishbarracuda
an im tryin my damdest to help u change it
vvicissitudo
i aint wwant to be hurt no more meen
vvicissitudo
prince or princess charmin is comin to me this tide
i wwanna knoww ur makaras but not ovver social media
i wwanna knoww em wwhen they're ovver for tea
or  sleepovvers
or meetin the kids
or meetin me
vvicissitudo
it feels useless.
*i* feel useless
brackishbarracuda
you dont want to know where id b without you
vvicissitudo
youd be sadder
vvicissitudo
probubbly givven up by now
brackishbarracuda
id be dead
vvicissitudo
wwhat about ur cro
brackishbarracuda
what the fuck about him
vvicissitudo
wwould he havve found you or
wwould you havve been dead beshore then
brackishbarracuda
long fuckin before then
vvicissitudo
wwhat wwould havve happened
i can see u runnin urself into the ground
brackishbarracuda
runnin myself into the ground bitin off more than i can chew gettin pissed and sad and naut havin a good enough reason to naut do stupid shit
brackishbarracuda
every single tide you patched me up
every single tide youve found me when i was low
every tide you talked me outta somefin or made sure i was safe
i mean fuck clams you saw what i looked like w/o u for a fuckin perigee
brackishbarracuda
efin if id never met you
you know how closed off i was
how angry
id have gotten into a fight i couldnt handle
burned myself from the inside out
brackishbarracuda
itd a been the oil clams
brackishbarracuda
efin if naut literally
cept thered b nobody to clean me up
to carry me home
to show me what the fuck home /was/
brackishbarracuda
i wouldnt a had the kids oar you oar vis
brackishbarracuda
you are fuckin necessary
vvicissitudo
u wwouldn't havve evven had loz wwould u
i
i just realized that
it wwas cause a me you met
vvicissitudo
wwasn't it
the first big thing wwas wwhen tavv tried to "help" me
brackishbarracuda
i woulda had rez and fangs and they woulda left me and thats it
vvicissitudo
yeah.
wwhat about noww
brackishbarracuda
i aint efin shore i woulda had sally
vvicissitudo
pike
are you
happy
noww
brackishbarracuda
all i know is i aint happy w/o u
vvicissitudo
awwww
brackishbarracuda
youve literally saved my life
so many dam tides
mine and sallys and the wrigs
does that sound useless to you
vvicissitudo
you an the wwrigs are the only ones wwho seem to appreciate me
yes, you're the only ones wwho count really an truly
u remember wwhen u took me to that play
brackishbarracuda
yeah
vvicissitudo
an they stood in a roww an thanked us personally for comin
i wwant that
i wwant it all the tide
i wwant people appreciatin me
i tell people im wworkin on somethin to make helmsmens livves after the helm better
i get "its impossible"
brackishbarracuda
that aint a good example clams u kno how hard it is to accept good shit when it aint in your hand
vvicissitudo
i tell people im a docterror an a chemical engineer an i get "so wwhat else do you do"
i tell people im a reader
a wwriter
vvicissitudo
a pacifist
an i get blank stares an topic changes
i get fivve note threads on this hellsite an then nothin
thats howw it alwavves goes
brackishbarracuda
did u think for a minute that maybe ur just ten levels above everybody else an they aint kno how to talk aboat that shit
vvicissitudo
i mention my name an people are pike "who"
an i gotta say "eridan" before they realize an then they assume wwrongly a me
i aint wwanna be smart if it means no one wwants to talk to me
brackishbarracuda
ur doin good shit clams
bc ur smart
brackishbarracuda
bc a whats happened to u and who you are
vvicissitudo
am i a good person
brackishbarracuda
betta than me by a long shot
vvicissitudo
wwhy
i dont wwant to be better than u
i wwant to be ur equal
brackishbarracuda
then get me to where u are and dont u dare lower urself for anybody
vvicissitudo
> You're stunned into silence for a bit.
brackishbarracuda
i aint the best person in the world
i aint that smart
brackishbarracuda
im shit at p much anyfin that aint kissin somebody oar fightin em
you aint
vvicissitudo
or makin someone feel good aboat themselvves
u do a damn good job of that
brackishbarracuda
shut up for a second that aint the point
vvicissitudo
im cryin AND laughin ill havve u knoww
brackishbarracuda
good 3B*
point is
you deserve a crown more than i ever have
vvicissitudo
wwhhat
brackishbarracuda
you can patch ppl up and help people w real cod dam problems w real applications
you kno history and all that shit
you read you write you study ur in ur lab u work hard
too hard but
u aint a useless bump a log
vvicissitudo
but
you aint wwanna rule
brackishbarracuda
do i look like i could manage anyfin close to rullin rn by myself
vvicissitudo
that aint the point
u don't WWANNA rule
vvicissitudo
period
do you??
brackishbarracuda
why do you think i asked dirk to let me do political shit
vvicissitudo
but wwas that because
u foresaww this convversation
or because you wwant to
brackishbarracuda
its pike i told him
im tired a runnin
vvicissitudo
yeah?
brackishbarracuda
yeah
brackishbarracuda
idk wtf good is gonna come outta it but
vvicissitudo
i can name good
vvicissitudo
u bein by my side
me being by ur side
are you
sure u wwanna do this
last chance to back out u knoww
brackishbarracuda
i aint got nofin to rule clams its kinda far from a last chance but
yeah
vvicissitudo
alright then
vvicissitudo
so uh
wwhat
rule wwhat
the wwhole planet??
this uh
provvince, this continent, this bit of planet wwe call home
i mean theres things wwe gotta think of
brackishbarracuda
hb we just start w the bit were on yeah
vvicissitudo
so wwe need to get scoutin parties together to see HOWW big it is an if anyone else livves on it
an if anyone else livves on it then we gotta dispute
vvicissitudo
buy their land rom em in exchange for goods or services
a emperor aint bein servved hes servvin others
pike wwe provvide food or electricity an they trade us
brackishbarracuda
clams calm down
vvicissitudo
ideally rn wwe feed their family/take care a their land in exchange for their servvices in helpin us scout out- wwhat
oh
brackishbarracuda
do u kno how many tides i had to retype clams calm bc lemme tell u
vvicissitudo
uh
oops
brackishbarracuda
too much at once aight lets just
brackishbarracuda
keep our shit to ourselves
baby steps yeah
vvicissitudo
babysteps
yeah
ideally this thing wwe livve on is only an island
otherwwise wwe got barriers to wworry about pike cae said
brackishbarracuda
either plan on defendin what u got or be ready to run right
i aint runnin
vvicissitudo
i lovve u
<>
vvicissitudo
u an ur beautiful soul
brackishbarracuda
i love you too
brackishbarracuda
<>
<><><><><><><><><><><>
aight im done im good
thats outta my system
vvicissitudo
thank you for listenin
brackishbarracuda
you aint quaded to me for my looks 3B*
vvicissitudo
damn right
im quadded to u because of u
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