#im just not doing well idk also this counselor i have has been so flaky and its making me feel so ... eeurgghh

[piplupod]

i feel a feeling that is genuinely intolerable and go "okay what do i do with this"

therapist brain says "feel ur feelings, its unhealthy to suppress all the time." rational brain says, "hi if we sit with this emotion then we are going to either be bleeding or dead in approximately ten minutes. so whats another option." therapist brain goes "wellll i guess in that case maybe u can distract urself idk, that can be a coping strategy sometimes." rational brain glances at emotion, shakes its head and shoots back "yeahhhh no can do there bud. this one's a real whopper and distractions ain't gonna cut it this time."

both sections of the brain shrug at each other and then The Disorder brain raises its hand smugly and simpers out "hiiii remember me? yeah this is the reason i exist teehee :) give me five minutes and I'll have an amnesia wall erected and another part of the brain shoved into the forefront and then we'll be right as rain! and this emotion can go rot in the locked cabinet of horrors until another part accidentally stumbles upon it again in the future or until the lock breaks. :)"

#girl help I've just been drawing and then BOOM. unbearable feelings drowning me !!!! drownding !!! i am drowndinging !!! #i dont wanna do this anymoreeeee im so tired of this #i go ''wow this sure is intolerable! how have i ever dealt w this!'' and then the DID does its thing some more👍 #''gee that sounds so helpful!'' my body is in shambles from the overwhelming amounts of undealt with trauma :] #there are many other downsides but . i ain't getting into all that dhfjdldl #im just . grrrrr. maybe its bc i was drawing another part of the brain but c'mon 😭 i was drawing them HAPPY !! playing!! having fun!! #trying to make smth nice for us !!!! god damn this is so ridiculous #i want to go to bed fjfkdl im so tired and frustrated w everything man im trying so hard and it all seems to go towards nothing #im just not doing well idk also this counselor i have has been so flaky and its making me feel so ... eeurgghh #i understand they dont think im a suicide risk so im low on the priority list but I'd like to just... be a priority for somebody just once #boohoo poor me etc etc. other ppl need the help more than i do i know. im just. tired. #there isnt rly a lot anybody can do anyways to help i guess #still makes me insane thinking abt how the social worker had nothing for me except ''well ... u could go to the homeless shelter'' #im just... theres so many fucked up things abt that. sigh. oh well oh well oh well. #just keep making my shitty art and trudging thru the days and finding good things in a day when i can scrape em together !!!! #argh. sigh. I'll go figure out some food to eat tonight. #pippen needs 2nd breakfast #suicide mention #self harm mention