#im actually still on avtar day lol but it made me have Thoughts

[zukosdualdao]

iroh trying to gently tell zuko in avatar day that capturing the avatar probably wouldn’t help them at this point (since, you know, they are wanted fugitives and enemies of the fire nation and their wanted posters quite literally encourage they be killed on sight) is so sad because he’s right. and… i do think zuko actually knows he has a point, if the way he reacts immediately afterward is any indication. he’s not argumentative about the point. in the moment, he kind of implicitly trusts iroh’s words, only conceding that if that’s true “then there’s no hope at all”, which alarms iroh (to the point of sternness, which is a big deal for iroh!) because hopelessness and despair are not healthy things to succumb to.

but the point, i guess, is that zuko does seem to, at least on some level, trust that what iroh is saying is true—in this moment. but he doesn’t know what to do with that, because if his father will really never love or accept him, if the one mission he was given that his father said would change things really no longer matters, if he can really never go home again, how can he feel anything but hopeless?

so he comes to the conclusion that he has to separate himself from iroh, who is a personified reminder of truths he’s not ready to face (as well as someone who is genuinely trying to look out for him), and will spend the next several episodes lying to himself, following azula’s path to the gaang at first opportunity that presents itself in the chase.

but the thing is—the way he’s lying to himself here is different, i think, than the way he was lying to himself in book one. because he’s not able to do it quite as effectively. if we look at zuko alone, he sees the suffering of a small earth kingdom village and sees himself in them, empathizes with their pain—and some very traumatic suppressed memories get stirred as a result. memories that make it clear that on some level, he knows he wasn’t and wouldn’t now suddenly be safe in the fire nation.

at this point, zuko isn’t quite ready or willing to admit the truth that his father is abusive, not safe for him to be with, and doesn’t want him back—but i do think he is internally somewhat more self-aware at this stage than he previously has been. he’s flinching away from the truth, but that doesn’t mean he can’t see it. that’s part of what makes the ending of zuko alone such a downer, because zuko ends the episode as lost and alone as he started, unable to quell the truth of his past and trauma, yet not willing to stop chasing the false promise of hope capturing the avatar represents.

#his choice in tcod is tragic for similar reasons #but that’s a different post maybe #atla rewatch ‘24 #avatar day #zuko alone #zuko #zuko & iroh #zuko & ozai #abuse // #the chase #im actually still on avtar day lol but it made me have Thoughts