#im a crybaby arent i lmfaoooo

[jengkook]

hypocritical people are the worst

i just wanna vent real quick i know this wont make sense to anyone and no ones gonna read or care but oh my god

few months ago ive met A, we got along pretty ok-ish and bc he was interested in another girl and he kept wanting tips how to deal with her jealousy etc. he was even willing to delete me and cut off contact if his girl he was interested in kept insisting on it. (totally fine for me, i have absolutely ZERO feelings towards him and even TOLD him that because he started making weird comments/compliments towards me so i straight up told him "hey, remember, u like that girl and you're intersted in that girl- NOT me. im not intersted in you in that way at all and your comments make me feel uncomfortable. stop that. you're in the friendzone for me" lmfao)

Even though he'd complain that her jealousy is too much and too childish. and that sometimes he'd wish he could "hurt" her the way she has been hurting him with her jealously and controlling behavior.

long story short they kept having an on and off thing and while that was happening and A was busy with his girl ive gotten closer to one of his friends, R. and once we got to know each other more we both just clicked right away and get along very well, laugh a lot, flirt a lot. I want to spend time with R and R wants to spend time with me. At first we'd hang out in groups but lately we're trying to spend time alone together to get even closer.

During that time A was busy with his girl but he'd ask me from time to time if R and I are going out or have something going on. And last week A suddenly came up to me and asked to talk and basically confessed his feelings for me out of fucking nowhere and he was sad and hurt that R and I get along so well and thats why he'd want some alone time (even tho none of us tried to contact him so he had and still has his alone time???) A told me he kept stalking me and my socials to see what i was up to with R. so basically after weeks of silence A confessed he likes me more than a friend and he confessed that he has been stalking me lmfao like hold up you just dump that shit onto me let me handle one thing first??

and i told him that this is too sudden like what about the other girl you were in love with???? i also once again reminded him that i still and never will have those kind of feelings towards him and that ive been open about that from the very beginning as to not led him on

he told me he was hurt because his friend, R, shouldnt have tried to get close to me because they are "bros" and R shouldve known that A likes me but like??? no one suspected anything because you fucfking kept talking about that other girl and kept dreaming about her so like how is that R's fault for not knowing or mine for not suspecting shit like that??? EVERYONE in our friend group knew you liked that other girl because you kept telling everyone exactly that and how you wished it would work out between you both.

now its been a week and he still stalks my socials and right now its 4AM and i was still taking with R but we were about to go and said our goodbyes but suddenly A's stalking ass came up to R and asked him to talk at this fucking time lmfaooo i pretended i didnt notice bc obviously A wants to do this shit behind my back and idk but im so scared and anxious right now because like i said in the beginning A was wishing he could hurt the girl he was interested in at that time somehow and im just scared he will ruin my relationship im building with R too.... or that R will distance himself from me because of A... why else would he suddenly after a week of complete silence go out of his way to search and ask to talk with R at fucking 4AM in the morning after he saw us two together again...

and because i pretended not to notice i cant go up to R and ask him about it now or tomorrow or ever lol but i know its going to be stuck in my head and im overthinking stuff like what if R will keep this to himself and not share it with me tomorrow when we'll hang out again. what if R is gonna pretend he didnt have a talk with A ? im overthinking and being quite dramatic rn but i just rlly rlly like R and i know what kind of person A is, what kind of asshole he is and i just dont want him to ruin my relationships any longer...

also its so hypocritical of A to complain about his girls' controlling, stalking behaviour and her jealousy when he fucking stalks me, wants to control and manipulate my relationships and gets jealous of me even tho we are NOT even together????????

he said he "claimed" me in his head the day we met and that fucking creeped me out and i told him then and there that im not some object he can claim for himself or decide for me and he was like "i know i knowwww but...." and i was like "there is no but. you do not own me. you cant claim me. i am not yours." like how much more open and straight forward do i have to be????????? why cant he just let it be?????? i deleted him on my socials and stuff but he's still stalking and like i said, trying to get close to R again and talk with him about me so there is nothing i can do... fuck why does it have to be 4am lmfao i was about to sleep happily after a nice day spent with R why did i have to notice whats going on behind my back i honestly just want to sleep right now but im too anxious and want it to be morning again so i can maybe???? see?? if i can get answers or if R wants to talk to me about it??? lol i just want to cry whyyyy are we so extra emotional at this hour

#ill cry myself to sleep #i want it o be morning #im hoping r will talk to me about it and be open about A wanting to have a talk with him and not keep it a secret #i want to be able to trust r completely #personal #text #dl #im a crybaby arent i lmfaoooo