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wrdn-tabris · 10 months

Text

a little life update :-)

(pls help i need advice)

i have this friend. two friends actually. i went to visit them recently (june)

friend 1, lets call her cat had asked friend two, lets call her bee, to move down with her. bee agreed. issues immediately started. bee was off her meds and didnt want to get back on them, and started picking fights with cat, treating her badly and etc bc thats what bee used to do when she still lived with her mom. pick fights when her mood dropped and get into screaming matches (tho its not like her mom didnt also pick fights with her)

cats telling me abt this at this time and i feel bad bc i feel like i wasnt being a good friend mostly bc i didnt have the energy to hear abt how terrible it was going for her. i was going thru a lot when it started which isnt her fault or my fault, but i feel bad for not being more supportive. so cat stopped telling me abt it, bc i didnt know what to do or how to fix things. i thought stuff resolved itself but i went and visited and it hasnt. really.

so i arrive. bee doesnt come with cat to pick me up, which, ok disappointing but i understood she was tired. she didnt come to eat with us either. which also sad

next day cat asks for some rent money to get herself lunch, bc she forgot to make smth to eat before leaving and cat couldnt and wouldnt give their rent money so she could get lunch. so she asked us to bring her lunch from mcdonalds if she ordered somthing bc she had points on the app, and we had to decide tht if we are driving tht far out to where she works we might as well do something over there. cat asks if we should invite her partner with us and i agreed bc i wanted to meet him. we go to pick up her lunch, she asks me to buy her something rather than ordering smth off the app, which, feels :/ to assume ill just buy it for her. i would have if she asked but she just sent me her order. mybe an asshole move of my to say 'uhhh sure if ur able to order it off the app???'

get the food, fight thru traffic to get to her, have to fight thru parking traffic to get out of where she works. we end up visiting this old military fort and hang out for a few hours and when we come back we think bee is asleep. its like. 7:30? 8:00?

so i try to inflate the blow up bed i got for them to use for when they have other guests sleep over and me and cats bf wake her up while im trying to figure out how to work it so she comes out and snaps at us. i apologize for being loud, promise to be quieter but im inflating the air mattress so i might be loud for a few minutes. the ENTIRE time im inflating it shes standing there arms crossed glaring at us and clearing her throat the entire time. and maybe its just me but??? i find that to be a little fucking rude tbqh. me and the bf are guests and its making me feel unwelcome and regretting the money i spent to come visit her. anyways cat comes out from the bathroom bc bee is still there clearing her throat with her arms crossed even after i finished fixing up the air mattress, and its quiet as hell bc me and bf are both uncomfy. cat gets mad and upset bc were guests in their home and she shouldnt be treating her like tht. shes upset we woke her up but surprise surprise shes even MORE upset i met cats partner before hers bc she wanted it to all be 'together' even tho i agreed to meet bf bc i did! want to meet him! and that we went to the fort without her.

anyways.

i apologize to her abt that bc i wanted to meet him but shes like 'no cat knew i wanted to do this thing' which fair.

the rest of the week goes ok. i get to meet her partner and theyre so nice and funny and i was super excited to meet them. we hit off great. we get lunch with one of cats friends, bee remarks abt 'oh i used to get so upset abt ppl being happier than me, enjoyed making ppl unhappy and would go out of my way to do so, bc i didnt like that they were happy and i wasnt' i buy bee a present for her birthday and u kno week ends i go home, and turns out bees partner comes out to her abt some things and bee freaks out, gets super upset and reacts really poorly. starts crying and going off abt being betrayed and etc.

turns out partner breaks up with her the next day bc they were uncomfortable with the reaction and then she starts crying and going off again abt feeling betrayed and upset and wanting to kill herself and tht they told her they loved her and would never leave and etc etc etc amongst other 'its not faiiiir' reactions. i still hold the opinion she was upset bc they broke up with her first.

cat calls her out for her behavior and that shes saying some very inappropriate things and tht ex isnt an awful person. bee ends up demanding all the gifts she gave ex back and wanted to know what ex would be doing with special gifts they got her before they both broke up.

i honestly end up quite. disgusted? with her behavior bc any time she broke up with someone while she lived separately from cat, shed ghost us and wed only get her side of the story. cat all but ends up moving in with her partner bc bee refuses to clean up after herself and keeps making a mess of things and its just a bad living situation.

cat tells bee tht shes not thinking of renewing their lease at the end of the year bc she cant handle living like this and bee lashes out. ends up making a mess of their kitchen and breaking some of cats things.

she also uses special non stick stuff of cats and uses metal on it (which ur not supposed to do) and keeps using cats own dishes and dishes she got from her grandma and doesnt clean them or anything.

my thing is. i dont know what to do. i kinda wanna stop our friendship bc im upset at how shes treating our other mutual friend. but i dont know if i should talk to her bc ive asked cat if i should try and talk to her to get her to see tht shes not being a good friend and cats told me not to, mostly bc she refuses to see shes wrong. im leaning towards wanting to follow her advice bc she has been living with bee but also it feels so scummy not to say anything esp when i know shes going to be going thru a difficult time in the next few months. however if i talk to her, i dont want to cause her to lash out at bee or have any of her things that are still at their apartment broken bc bees already proven to lash out and break other peoples things when shes upset at them, and i dont want to make it any worse for her.

bee would tend to ghost us when she was stll living with her mother, so much so tht we wouldnt hear from her for weeks or months, esp when she was feeling bad. i would try to reach out to her just to make sure she was fucking alive lmao. im worried if i were to reach out and ask abt all this and end with our friendship splitting off, shed do something drastic like hurt herself. i want to reach out and try to salvage what i feel is a dissolving friendship but i also dont want to be friends with this type of person unless shes worked on herself. i still love and care for her but like i know who i would stick by if i had to which... feels bad to say and sucks but th fact is i am closer with cat, mostly bc when bee would ghost us me and cat would still talk and we have more in common.

i want to talk and ask her why she would do and say these things and treat ppl she loves like this but ive been told not to but it would feel wrong not to at least. reach out. i dont know what to do.

AITA?

#cara speaks #the aita at the end is a joke but genuinely #i dont know what to do here #pls dont feel. obligated to respond to this or give advice i just do not know what to do

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