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manonblaqkbeak · 3 years

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Sugar, sugar

(genuinely hate coming up with titles lol)

this is just rowaelin being pining idiots, one of my fave tropes for day 11--delayed love confession

just a note, the lifestyle in this fic is more of a background note and doesnt really take centre stage in this fic. it’s one ive been tempted to write for a while tbh but didnt really get around to it until now

cw: very, very light smut (like barely non existent, but just in case), a lil bit of swearing

enjoy! :)

3k words (officially my longest fic, yay!)

Every thought in Aelin's mind was blank. She trudged through her apartment that she shared with Nehemia, absentmindedly kicking off her heels that Rowan purchased for her months ago. Then the light jacket she wore joined the shoes, the fabric was perfectly soft and perfect for the autumn chill.

It was yet another piece of item that Rowan purchased for her. A lot of the things she had know were thanks to Rowan, either from his own wallet or from the biweekly allowance he sent her—a generous allowance that was a thousand times better than her weekly paycheck from the bookstore she'd been working at since she turned twenty-two; her business degree had turned out to be useless and so she turned to the bookstore that had been her stable job for three years.

Aelin barely touched her weekly wage now, it was practically buried underneath the money the Rowan gave her.

Because Rowan Whitethorn, thirty-five and a successful CEO who was well known, was her sugar daddy. Had been now for fourteen months. But he was more than that, more than just a man that paid her to spend time with him. He respected her, was loyal to her, listened to her and responded with actual sentences instead of a word or two like other men she had dated. He was charming, didn't treat her like she was nothing but arm candy, and she knew him so well, as he knew her, and each fortnight she sometimes forgot their whole arrangement, but she was sharply reminded when she received the notification from her bank that the two and a half thousand dollars that Rowan sent her was now in her savings account.

When she agreed to their arrangement after several get-to-know you dates, Rowan had wanted to give her three and a half grand every week, and gods Aelin had been tempted because she had never had so much money in her life, but told him that it was far too much and negotiated.

Two and a half thousand was the lowest that Rowan was willing to go, and even though Aelin only knew him for two weeks at that point, she could tell that he would not budge, so she agreed to the amount.

The first time that money had landed in her account, Aelin had thought that maybe she had imagined the whole thing, but the money was a sharp reminder of what she know was—a sugar baby. Those words still didn't feel like they applied to her.

And he still spent money on her when they spent time together. Just last week he gifted her with diamond earrings in the shapes of roses with a necklace to match. She wore them tonight, not because he bought them for her but because she genuinely loved the pieces.

Needing something sweet—despite the fact she had only finished her chocolate hazelnut gelato twenty minutes ago—she dug through her fridge and found the brownies that Nehemia had baked the other day. She told herself that she would leave some for her long-time friend, but Aelin really doubted that would happen.

Aelin relished in the cold air of the fridge as she found the new can of whipped cream on the top shelf. The fridge was one of the first things she purchased with the money she was now being gifted with (and after that came a new washer and dryer, a dish-washing machine and television. Almost everything in her apartment was brand new now, the food were actual brands instead of the generic, tasteless shit. She had bras that fit her properly and were so damned comfortable that she forgot she was wearing them half the time).

The old fridge was a cheap hunk of junk that she and Nehemia purchased off Facebook marketplace for a hundred dollars, it barely kept things cold, but with expensive rent and bills and general life things, Nehemia and her couldn't afford anything better.

Which was how she ended up in this situation. Picking up more shifts barely gave them anything extra, because the economy right now in Terrasen was shit. Nehemia had made a joke about needing sugar daddies, and Aelin, knowing that Nehemia could never really do such a thing, had decided that maybe it was a good idea.

Nehemia had told Aelin that she was insane for pursuing such a thing, and that she had only been joking, but Aelin was not and that she could handle herself if things went wrong.

Nehemia had told her not to do anything, but Aelin was determined and started her search. It had taken a while to find a website that was genuine and didn't make her feel like she had to scrub her eyes out with bleach.

She created her page in private, because she not only was Nehemia against the idea, but so was Elide and Lysandra—she didn't dare tell Aedion what she was doing. Her cousin could be an overprotective pain in her ass at times, and Aelin was very well aware that if Aedion caught wind of what she was doing, he would have locked her up in her room without any type of device so she couldn't go forward with her plan.

She appreciated their concern, she did, but she was a consenting, tax-paying adult, and if she wanted to use her time to get paid spending time with a rich man, then Aelin was allowed to do exactly that.

It wasn't prostitution, she had looked it up, because it was the sugar babies that had the power and so that was how it went with her and Rowan.

Aelin didn't even have sex with Rowan until it was the sixth month anniversary of her and Rowan's...relationship (and gods, it was the best sex Aelin ever had. Rowan was a generous and completely unselfish lover).

He was the first one she came across on the site and almost drooled down herself when she saw his picture. Silver hair, pine-green eyes, a beautiful tattoo down the length of his left arm and tanned skin, he was stupidly attractive and only ten years old than her.

Aelin messaged him first only after being on the site for ten minutes, deciding that surely he was the best one and that she needn't bother to look at any other candidates.

They hit it off straight away, and after deciding on a restaurant to meet at, Aelin had informed Nehemia of the matter, which she was promptly met with question after question: why can't a thirty-four year old man find someone his own age? Is he one of those men that can't date a woman five minutes older than him because of some stupid made up reason? How do you know for certain that it's him in the picture? What if he's cat-fishing you? What if he's a freak, or a killer? What if he's just pretending to be rich to kidnap you? What if, what if, what if?

And so after a heated discussion, Nehemia had come along on her date-that-wasn't-really-a-date and sat a few tables away from her and Rowan, watching them—especially him—the entire time like a hawk.

Aelin had completely forgotten that her friend was there, so enraptured by Rowan and what he did and how he saw life.

It had been fourteen months of seeing Rowan and genuinely enjoying spending time with him and weeks ago, she realised that she wanted it to be something more. That she had come to care for him, not because of the money, but purely because it was Rowan and he made her feel seen and he wasn't afraid of her, because she had once been told by an ex that she could be too much and that he couldn't handle all her baggage.

Aelin wanted a life with him.

So Aelin told Rowan she loved him when he dropped her off tonight after their dinner and a movie date, telling him how she felt, and he had said thank you. He gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek and went home, leaving behind the pine-and-snow scent of him.

Aelin really wanted to find a hole to crawl into and die.

She was scarfing down her third brownie when Nehemia's bedroom door opened, her friend clad in an old matching pj set, her slippers shuffling across the tile.

“What happened? Are you okay?” her friend asked upon seeing Aelin's guttered look. Her dark brows furrowed. “Did that bastard hurt you? If he did, I'll—”

“He didn't do anything,” Aelin interrupted her friend. Taking the food, Aelin planted herself on the teal blue velvet sofa Rowan gave her for Yulemas last year, ignoring the scent of not just him, but of them both from when he came over after work just the other day with pizza and a DVD that she insisted that she watched because it was too good not to, when they forgot all about the movie as Rowan buried himself inside her, leaving hickeys all over her neck that she had to cover up with thick concealer.

Nehemia joined her on the couch, her friend momentarily forgetting for now that she had walked in on her and Rowan just moments after they finished, muttering under her breath in Eyllwe as she glared at them defiling the couch, and gave her a look that Aelin knew that Nehemia would listen to every word that came out from her.

And when Aelin was done recounting the story, all Nehemia could come up with was, “Oh.”

“Yes, 'oh,'. I've probably fucked up the whole thing. So don't be surprised if I call you on your lunch break tomorrow telling you he's broken things off.”

“Aelin, I don't think he will. I know that I'm not the biggest fan of your...situation—”

“I'm aware,” Aelin said, cutting her friend off. “You still won't let me buy you a new mattress, even though yours is hard as a brick and lumpy as hell. I've told you that you can pay me—”

“Aelin,” Nehemia said, “we're not talking about mattresses right now. As I was saying, I doubt he'll break things off because I've seen the way he looks at you. I still think he's too old for you, but he cares for you. You probably just caught him by surprise.”

“How does he look at me?” Aelin was observant, but sometimes when she was with Rowan, all her observation skills went out the window.

“Like he loves you,” Nehemia said, no hint of doubt in her voice.

Aelin sighed, her feelings slowly starting to crush her. “I guess I'll just have to take your word for it.”

Sighing once more, Aelin put the food back in the fridge, showered and went to bed, forgoing her usual night texting ritual with Rowan.

She really wasn't looking forward to tomorrow.

X X X X X X

Rowan couldn't concentrate, which wasn't a good thing, since his job dealt with having to concentrate all the time. But no matter what mind-focusing techniques he did, he couldn't stop thinking about Aelin.

Couldn't stop thinking about how she said she was in love with him. How her beautiful eyes had been sparkling when she said those words to him. And how the light in them dimmed when he said thank you and kissed her on the cheek, telling her that he would talk to her later. But he hadn't texted her, nor did she.

I love you, Rowan. I'm in love with you.

Thank you. He really couldn't believe that was what he said. Felt like an utter fool and a bastard as he realised he probably crushed her heart. Aelin didn't like being vulnerable, and she had been when she said those words and he had gone and fucked it all up.

Rowan loved Aelin, he did, but he truly wasn't prepared for those words. He loved how on the weekends they would be up at one am, baking chocolate goodies, dancing in the quiet kitchen, humming quietly to Aelin's classical music playlist, with her wearing not the nightgowns that he loved, but one of his old hoodies.

He didn't think that he would get along with her so well once they met, thinking that their online interactions were nothing but a fluke. He was moments away from deleting the profile because he didn't actually create it, but Fenrys had, his friend grumbling that he needed a girlfriend, with Rowan arguing that creating a profile on a sugar daddy site was not dating but probably the opposite, when Aelin messaged him.

His life-long friend didn't listen, much to Rowan's annoyance—but he didn't grab his phone out of his friends hand; Rowan blamed it on the several whiskys he had downed by that point.

Aelin bewitched him on that first meet up. She was intelligent as hell and funny, and creative and beautiful. He was aware of why she was on the date with him, but he didn't care, just as long as he got to see her again.

Fourteen months later and Rowan was still bewitched. He wanted to be with her on a permanent basis, but wasn't completely sure how to take that step.

Clearly, Aelin had taken that step for them, and Rowan was the worlds biggest moron.

I love you, Rowan. I'm in love with you.

Thank you.

Groaning, Rowan turned away from his computer and looked at the skyline, ignoring the buildings to instead watch the puffy clouds drift by.

Aelin loved watching the clouds, loved stargazing, loved questioning about the universe and what the skies held.

He never really paid any of that stuff attention, not until he met her.

Rowan didn't want to lose her, didn't want her to think that he was about to break up with her over this. He had to see her, so he grabbed his keys and wallet, told his secretary to hold his calls for the rest of the day, and went to visit Aelin.

X X X X X X

It had been an usually busy day for a Wednesday and Aelin was glad for her lunch break as she trudged up to the roof of the shopping centre. She wasn't really allowed up here, but she wanted some fresh air and to feel the sun against her skin as she sat down and dug into her lunch—fast food, unfortunately for her, because she was so frazzled from last night that she completely forgot about making a pack lunch.

Rowan hadn't called her, or texted her. Not even an email had been sent her way.

Aelin hated that she felt so damned mopey. She was an independent woman, but gods, even a good morning text would have been fine.

She finished her lunch, popping several mints into her mouth to get rid of the onion taste, when the roof door crashed open and a familiar hulking figure came into view.

He must have spoken to Elide to find her here.

Aelin's brow furrowed. “Rowan, what are you doing here?” Oh gods, surely he wasn't going to break up with her, she still had hours to go; there'd be no way she could work if she had tears in her eyes.

Taking her hands in his, Aelin stood up. She steeled herself against whatever he was going to say.

“I love you, Aelin. I'm in love with you, too,” Rowan said, his eyes soft and full of genuine love. Aelin's heart shot up into her throat. “I want a life with you. I want us to buy a home, one that has warmth and character, and a big garden. I want a dog. And kids too, if you want, I know that you've never mentioned it, but if you don't want any then that is completely fine. I want to support you in whatever endeavors you want to take, and if you ever want to go back to university, then I'll support you, or if you want to find a way to use your business degree, I'll help you with that, too. Whatever you want Aelin, I'll give it to you, as long as you're by my side, I'll be happy.”

Aelin was silent for so long that Rowan thought that maybe he shocked her into silence. But eventually, she smiled, one that was dazzling in its beauty that it took his breath away.

“You love me?”

“I do, Aelin, I love you.”

She kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”

Rowan groaned at the amusement in her tone, in her eyes. “You're never going to let me live that down, are you?”

She smirked. “Definitely not. It'll be a nice story to tell our children...one day. For now, I think we should contend with being proper significant others.”

Rowan nodded, smiling. “I like the sound of that.”

“Good, because I need to get back to work, since I'm no longer accepting your allowances. I won't deny the use of your credit card, but other than that, you are no longer my sugar daddy.”

It was Rowan's turned to smirk, and it was the one that made her core clench. “How about I be 'daddy' instead?”

Aelin snorted, even as she clenched around nothing again. Smacking his arm lightly, Aelin kissed him. “Only if you behave,” she said against his lips, “and now I really need to go back to work.”

Rowan walked her back, their fingers laced together, and as she turned to say goodbye, Aelin said, “I'll see you later, daddy.”

Rowan groaned, and it took everything in him not to take her hand and into his car to have his wicked way with her.

By the time he thought of a response, Aelin was already back to work, helping a customer with an impressive stack of books in her arms.

But she knew he was still there, because the way she swayed her hips to the counter was all for him, and when she saw him watching her, Aelin winked, making Rowan's heart flutter in his chest.

He really did love her. And he would live with her teasing him for the rest of his life, just as long as she was with him.

#rowaelin #rowaelinmonth #my work

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tiredfangs · 7 years

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The Age/Site Morality Rant: Why you should leave this hellsite while you still fucking can. (EPSECIALLY IF YOURE 14 AND UNDER OR AN EMOTIONALLY SENSITIVE, A NATURALLY IMMATURE, OR A VERY GULLIBLE/EASILY MANIPULATED PERSON. GO SEEK VALIDATION ELSEWHERE, PLEASE. THIS IS NOT THE RIGHT WEBSITE TO DO IT)

while making a post on how to deal with mental illnesses (which will be up soon) i got off topic and ranted abt tumblr so im gonna post it separately here

This [edit: ‘this’ referring to the mental illness post- not posted yet] is probably one of my final pieces of advice as a teenager to other teenagers and younger kids, who- quite frankly- need to get off this website if theyre not a teenager yet. 13+ to join tumblr dude, sorry.

HELL if it were up to me, id make this site 15-16+ AT THE YOUNGEST. Thats about the age where your mind stops being a blank whiteboard, free for anyone to write whatever they want on it, and where people typically become less gullibe and childhood naivete starts going away, its about the age where people start to think for themselves a lot more, formulating opinions and morals based on past experiences and the opinions of whatever friend circle theyre in, and, (if they arent horribly abusive) the ideals and wishes of their parents and how they raised their child.

IT REALLY SHOULD BE 18+ FOR THE SOLE FACT THAT THERES EASILY ACCESSIBLE PORNOGRAPHY ON THIS WEBSITE!!!!!! IM KIND OF A HYPOCRITE DUE TO ME BEING INTERESTED IN PORN AND SEX AT AROUND 11 YEARS OLD BUT STILL!!! Im not even going to mention tumblr’s broken ass safe search/ whatever the thing they made is where it auto-flags completely harmless posts as nsfw. IT SHOULDNT BE SO EASILY ACCESSIBLE, ESPECIALLY AS A MAJOR SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORM WITH LOTS OF YOUNG KIDS!!! ESPECIALLY AS A MAJOR SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORM WITH A LOT OF OLDER ADULTS LOOKING FOR YOUNG KIDS TO PREY ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY KNOW THAT TEENAGERS AND TWEENS FLOCK TO THIS WEBSITE AND THEY USE THAT TO THEIR ADVANTAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[THE FOLLOWING IS A FICTIONAL SCENARIO, PRESENTED TO GIVE YOU ALL AN EXAMPLE OF A MINOR HAVING EASY ACCESS TO NSFW CONTENT AND INVOLVING THEMSELVES IN THAT COMMUNITY- AS WELL AS AN IDEA OF HOW SERIOUS THIS ISSUE ACTUALLY IS AND HOW SEVERE THE REPERCUSSIONS CAN BE IF THE PEOPLE INVOLVED IN THESE KINDS OF THINGS ARE FOUND OUT- IN A COURT OF LAW, IT DOESNT MATTER IF THE ADULT IN THE SITUATION HAD NO CLUE THE MINOR WAS A MINOR, AND IT DOESNT MATTER THAT THEY WHOLEHEARTEDLY BELIEVED THE MINOR WAS AN ADULT- ALBEIT A SOMEWHAT BELIEVABLE ONE. I WOULDNT BE TERRIBLY SURPRISED IF THIS HAS HAPPENED IN THE PAST]

IF A MINOR POSES AS AN ADULT AND COMMISSIONS AN ADULT ARTIST FOR NSFW ART OF THEIR FAVORITE CHARACTER OR WHATEVER, THE ARTIST COULD GET IN SUPER FUCKING SERIOUS TROUBLE!!!! LEGAL TROUBLE!! IF THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED, THE ADULT ARTIST IN THIS SITUATION WOULD PROBABLY MOSTLY BE THE ONE AT FAULT, IF NOT THE MOST AT FAULT, THEN THE MOST HARSHLY PUNISHED OF THE TWO, AND WOULD HAVE TO FACE A COURT TRAIL AS WELL AS POTENTIALLY FACING JAILTIME OR HOUSE ARREST!!!!! THEYD PROBABLY BE LABELED AS A PEDOPHILE OR SOMETHING AKIN TO IT- THEYD PROBABLY HAVE TO PAY A LARGE FINE THAT THEY MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO AFFORD, DUE TO THIS GENERATION OF AMATEUR/ RISING ARTISTS BEING UNDERPAID AND STRUGGLING IN LIFE TO MAKE THEIR PASSION THEIR JOB!!!! THEY TRUSTED THEIR FOLLOWERS AND COMMISSIONERS AND WAS PROBABLY TOTALLY UNAWARE THAT THE COMMISSIONER WAS A MINOR, WHETHER IT BE BECAUSE THE ARTIST DIDNT DO A THOROUGH ENOUGH BACKGROUND CHECK, THE MINOR ‘SEEMED’ LIKE THEY WERE OVER 18 DUE TO SPEECH PATTERNS OR LEVEL OF MATURITY, OR IF THE MINOR WAS VERY KEEN ABOUT CONCEALING THEIR TRUE IDENTITY AND AGE, CONSTRUCTING A FAKE BUT BELIEVABLE PROFILE!!! THE ARTIST WOULDVE PROBABLY THOUGHT THAT THE MINOR WAS AN ADULT DUE TO THE MINOR HAVING A PAYPAL OR SOMETHING OF THE SORTS!!! WHICH YOU HAVE TO BE 18 FOR!!! THE ARTIST IN THIS SITUATION WOULD PROBABLY BE SUPER CAUTIOUS ABOUT SELLING NSFW ART AFTER EVERYTHING GETS DEALT WITH LEGALLY, MAYBE CEASING NSFW COMMISSIONS ENTIRELY. IT COULD BE AS BAD AS THE ARTSIT QUITS DOING ART ENTIRELY- PROBABLY AN IMPORTANT PASSION IN THEIR LIFE, OR AT LEAST A WAY TO PAY THE BILLS/ PAY FOR SIMPLE DEMANDS AND SMALL LUXURIES IN LIFE DUE TO COMMISSIONS BEING UNDER-PRICED IN THE AMATEUR ART WORLD- BECAUSE OF THE SITUATION!!! THE ARTIST WOULD PROBABLY BE EMOTIONALLY DAMAGED DUE TO THE INCIDENT!!! IM NOT SAYING THAT THE MINOR WOULDNT BE EITHER, BUT THE LAW IS MUCH, MUCH HARSHER ON PEOPLE 18 AND OVER.

i dont care if you think youre mature enough, i dont even care if you ARE pretty mature for your age!! thats not the problem!! Its not because i dont think people under 13 arent mature, and its not because im a teenager that hates kids under 15 due to some kind of age-based superiority complex, and i dont think im a ‘cool kid’ because i advise younger folk to stay off most social media, and ESPECIALLY needless and overly-dramatic drama (which really just makes everyone involved feel worse than when they started out)- but because this website is FULL of toxic, horrible ideals and morals that horribly, HORRIBLY misrepresent what the real, outside world is like. young minds will take this as the absolute truth, just because theyre presented as the absolute and only truth, and these twisted views and ways of life will eventually and ultimately screw you the FUCK over if you carry them into the real world and try to presen them as truth and fact to someone who knows a lot more than you, is probably older than you, and bases their world views and base morals off of personal experiences and carefully constructed values that have shaped them as a person- NOT because they saw it on the internet and want it to be true/ is manuipulated into believing its true by this fucked up site. NOBODY IN THE OUTSIDE WORLD THINKS LIKE TUMBLR DOES- AND THE PEOPLE IN THE OUTISDE WORLD THAT DO THINK LIKE TUMBLR DOES, PROBABLY HAVE A TUMBLR!!!! PEOPLE ARENT GOING TO WALK ON EGGSHELLS AROUND YOU OR EVEN CARE ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL OR THINK IN THE FIRST PLACE? YOURE NOT SPECIAL TO THEM AND YOURE NOT GOING TO GET SPECIAL TREATMENT BECAUSE YOURE GAY OR WHATEVER, THEYRE GOING TO TREAT YOU AS A HUMAN BEING WITH COMMON SENSE AND BASIC DECENCY!!!! IF YOU GET YOUR PANTIES IN A TWIST OVER SOMEONE NOT TREATING YOU LIKE THE SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE YOU THINK YOU ARE, OR UNINTENTIONALLY ‘TRIGGERING’ YOU, ITS FUCKNNG???? ITS FINE??? NOBODY CARES EXCEPT YOU AND YOU NEED TO LEARN TO UNCLENCH YOUR ASSCHEEKS AND LET GO OF THINGS.

Tumblr is a disgusting bastardizaton on how the world is, and how people should act. Stop looking at the world from your narrow tube of ignorance and refusal to listen to anybodys opinions other than your own and people like-minded to you. Yall have tried so hard to be loving and accepting to everyone, that youve BECOME the oppressors, only accepting a narrow range of people into your sick cult, pampering and conditioning them to how you want them to be and then dropping them off on a street corner when they start forming problems and morality issues because of your teachings. It took me YEARS to unlearn the toxic shit that tumblr shoved down my throat, and i took as fact, due to me being so young, vunerable, and gullible.

The people on this website are absolutely horrible and theres a reason tumblr is considered one of the worst social media websites on the internet. The only reason im on here is because it provides a wide variety of art in all different mediums, and i like laughing at funny text posts.

TLDR: if youre a young teenager or under 13, please leave this website before its too late. sincerely, a teenager that turns into an adult 4 days from now and kind of knows what theyre talking about from the 5 years they spent on this site.

#discourse

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dovley · 7 years

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lmao work rant under the cut

i like my job a LOT it’s really the job i wanted out of college but i just thinnk it’s dumb that i havent even GRADUATED YET and i have to teach this new part-timer (Mandy, 2 months at this job so far, 30 years old, minimal TV experience, no news experience) everything that i learned in 4 years for free and she basically gets paid for it. she’s not even an intern. how she’d fucking get this job.

and she sstill doesn’t get it. she doesn’t understand a newsroom or news stations at all even after being here two months. and i dont know if she’s jsut a slow learner or what but it doesn’t matter because it’s like she doesnt even want to learn?? and yet she’s always touching stuff she’s not supposed to and not staying in her lane bc she’s eager to learn etc and SHE HASN’T LEARNED A THING. so frustrating to finally get a job i really like that’s full time in MY FIELD and out of nowhere this woman w no experience snags a job at the station and essentially ruins the status quo of the morning show by not knowing anything and having minimal TD experience. And it’s not even the right kind of TD experience. and she wasn’t even hired as a TD and yet SHE’S PUSHED HERSELF OVER THERE. GO BACK TO CG MANDY STOP FUCKING UP MY SHOW?? EVERYTHING SHE FUCKS UP REFLECTS BACK ON ME, THE DIRECTOR.

and im trying to be positive about teaching her things (everyone in the control room needs to learn all positions anyway) but it’s hard. im literally not even graduated and now i gotta teach her everything that took everyone in my class four years to learn??? shooting for news is HARD, commanding an entire control room is HARD, there are classes for a reason and im not exactly qualified to be a teacher. im just a person in college who knows how to do shit.

and it’s literally not just “this is how we do things at THIS news station” like we have w the interns and other new workers, it’s entirely THIS IS HOW A NEWS STATION WORKS THIS IS HOW NEWS WORKS like she’s a blank slate. what the fuck. why do i get stuck w this kind of junk all the time???????? i have such bad luck.

we literally had to have one on one meetings w our news director today because of how much tension sh’es been creating in the news room, too. like not only is she hardly absorbing anything, she’s RUDE. all the time. anytime anything goes wrong, she talks back when SHE fucks up. im her director, her only job as a TD is to git gud and listen to my commands and do them. that’s it. that’s the basic TD job. and yet here she is, ignoring me, fucking up the show, getting mad at US when SHE fucks up. we all had meetings w news director Julie bc Julie listened to the control room track from the other day (all convos are recorded, I know this).

Here’s what happened: we were in a sports package, and the reporter was still talking. I say, “ready three” AS I ALWAYS DO, and instead of READYING THREE (by putting it in preview, not live) she TAKES TO THREE. and suddneyl the anchors are live and the package is still happening. and i say “go back” and she doesn’t do anything (WHICH IS SUCH A HUGE NO-NO IN A CONTROL ROOM, NOT LISTENING TO YOUR DIRECTOR IS SUCH A BAD THING BECAUSE NOT ONLY ARE YOU GETTING YOURSELF IN DEEP SHIT, BUT YOU FUCK UP THE SHOW FOR ///EVERYONE/// INVOLVED), so louder i say GO BACK and she said “well we’re here now” and that’s not???????? what you fucking say?????????? as a TD, you do NOT decide what’s going on. you do NOT get to decide cameras. you are NOT in control. YOU DO NOT JUST SIT THERE AND DO NOTHING. im completely helpless when that happens because she controls everything that’s live on the TV. i could reach over and do it myself but that’s such a huge other issue.

so i do what we’re supposed to: MOVE ON. i silence the package, cue the anchors, and MOVE ON. Mandy has SUCH AN ISSUE W MOVING ON. she can’t. she gets stuck on one thing. she always has to question my calls during the show, EVEN THOUGH SHE KNOWS NOTHING!! SHE DIDNT CUT ANY VIDEO SHE DIDNT ATTACH IT SHE DOESN’T HAVE A SCRIPT IN FRONT OF HER. she litrally knows NOTHING and yet here she is, questioning MY CALLS. and when she does that, i have to double check to mkae sure that everything is good to go, which takes up valuable time during the show.

so then, during the show i think or during break?? or SOMETHING, she turns aroudn to the producer, and RUDELY says:

Mandy: hey pete, have you ever TD’d before?

pete: ... yes

mandy: did you mess up

pete: all the time

mandy: OKAY [turns around]

???????? NOT OKAY AT ALL. our new control room intern said she was uncomfortable because of that. when mandy becomes rude and aggressive, she makes ERVERYONE uncomfortable and she doesn’t even know. she’s so self-centered she doesn’t know she’s making it bad for EVERYONE.

she always tries to initiate dumb convo during the show. she doesnt know how to sit down shut up move on.

another example: we had one anchor at camera one, and we had a graphic in the screen behind them. a video the anchor was talking over was live, and we were going to camera three after his voice over, NOT CAMERA ONE. so, this exchange happens:

mandy: can i put x-server in aux 5? (this changes the graphic on the screen in camera 1 from the story we’re talking about to a standard one we use for tosses.)

me: ready cam 3

mandy: ... x-server??

me: no, leave it. ready 3.

mandy: what do you want me to do with the vertical plasma?????

me: nothing, we’re not coming out to it we’re going out to camera three.

mandy: i need to know

me, frantically BECAUSE WE’RE LOSING TIME IN THE V-O AND WE NEED TO BE OUT TO CAMERA THREE: /nothing,/ it’s not important we’re not coming out to cam 1, ready three.

mandy: okay but what aobut the plasma??

me: we’re coming out to CAMERA THREE.

mandy, aggressively: okay, DIRECTOR

OKAY LIEK WHAT THE FUCK WAS WITH THIS?? WHY WAS SHE SO CAUGHT UP ON SOMETHING WE DIDN’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH AND COULD RESET DURING BREAK IN LITERALLY 1 MINUTE????/ it’s so hard to focus on that and the show im suppsoed to be directing like GOD, LEAVE IT.

back to learning, i literally had to explain a basic rundown to her for like an hour the other day while we sat down to talk .because i wanted to have a meeting to iron out some things such as her attitude and the show. because she doesn’t understand that nothing in the show is permanent, it’s constantly getting moved around and changed and added to. she doesn’t undestand there isn’t a formula to it. her only job is to listen to me. and when she tries to find a “rhythm” she starts ignoring my calls more and fucking up. it’s so annoying. everything she does that fucsk up live reflects back on Pete and I. also im her fuckening supervisor,,,,,,,,

I had to explain how to shoot news today. she didn’t understand what the anchor wanted from a wide shot, medium, and close up. the most basic of shots. or even how long to stay on a shot. or how the camera worked.

and i know she doesn’t have a degree and i am NOT criticizing her for that - college is hard and expensive and not everyone can do it, but you think she’d at least try?? harder???? try to fit in better????? not be a DICK at a job she wants to “be at for a long time” ?? apparently she told our tech guy that she doesn’t fit in. Julie told me that she feels like she has to prove something to us, that she can do it. well she’s not proving anything. she said we feel “clique-ish” in the news room. we’re literally not. at the end of the day we’re all just coworkers at a job. the difference between her and us is that we all have journalism backgrounds. and i have always tried to include her in everything, i have invited her up to the newsroom SO MANY TIMES, and other things but she never comes. if she wants to see change, she can make it herself. im done trying. i’ve given her so many chances.

our new intern, Tiffany, who was hired on my recommendation, already knows more things than Mandy just because she follows me around and is present and doesn’t hide in the control room. everyone likes Tiffany because Tiffany comes upstairs and says good morning. our live reporter says that Mandy ignores him when they’re outside smoking. she wants to fit in and be friends w everyone and yet she’s IGNORING EVERYONE. if she was even the least bit personable everyone would be fine w her. but she’s not.

and she told Tiffany that she feels “under appreciated” at the station because she’s working all the time, three jobs etc. guess what. Tiffany and I both have three jobs AND class. Tiffany is even full-time in college. im only part time and finally dropping my two other jobs since i got a promotion at the station, but still. you’re not under appreciated Mandy, you’re just never around. 🙄

she said she would help w camera shots, but when i offer them to her, she says no. she wants to know font times for packages, but never comes upstairs. like????????????????????? MAKE A FUCKING EFFORT. IT’S 3 AM WE’RE ALL TIRED BUT YOU SIT IN THE CONTROL ROOM FOR 40 MINUTES JUST READING BEFORE THE SHOW. YOU HAVE TIME TO LEARN.

and she doesn’t understand how hard it is to direct, produce, or even write for news. you can’t just learn that stuff in a week. i went to college for a reason. it would take me MONTHS to even get her director ready. i slid over into my position immediately upon being offered it, just because i had expereince. if she even tried to direct, it owuld be an absolute disaster. the kids in the basic directing class on campus even struggle a lot. it’s really hard. and producing is so much fucking work. so much. Pete gets there two hours earlier than i do - midnight or 1 am. our show doesn’t start until 5 am.

and on campus, the basic directing class should be easy. but it’s so much info crammed in, even in a semester. they print out scripts and mark them up with their commands. at the station, i have the rundown+scripts on an ipad and i dont write any commands. i just look at the rundown and instantly know what we’re doing. and i do this for two hours. the new directors on campus cant even go for 3 minutes w/o fucking up. it’s HARD. like i pick up on shit fast but for my first few shows i was struggling HARD. and Mandy is the type of person to jsut give up when it gets too hard, which you absolutely CANNOT do during a live show. you can’t abandon your own show. it fucks up the ENTIRE show. that’s on TV. that people are watching. it affects the anchors, it reflects on the station. it’s going to be hard to teach her. and i think it’s gonig to be frustrating for her to learn because Tiffany at least has a little directing experience and will probably pick up on it faster.

Mandy apparently once complained during her first month that she was in the “intern chair” when she was working CG. that’s not an intern chair?? we put interns there, sure, but people at the late show have been doing CG for years. it’s just another position. also the thing is is that mandy knows less than an intern so i’d literally rather have an intern anyway lol.

Mandy has legitimately given me so much anxiety i went home from work crying last week. work was so chill until she showed up.

this is really long and i have more to say but this is enough. it’s past my bedtime lmao bye

#dovley™

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Matt Damon is known to tell people who ask him advice about acting that they should quit. The reason being, if you’re going to succeed in that business you’re going to be told “no” many more times than anyone will tell you “yes”. You might find more encouragement in trying to start a company, but you’re still going to face a lot of rejection, bad news, and unexpected downturns that you’ll need to overcome if you’re going to succeed.I wanted to give a case study based on my experiences, as a real example is always better than a hypothetical. My company makes a gummy bear, based on clinical science, that helps boost your body’s response to alcohol. The idea was born not, as you might guess, because I was a drinker who got hungover a lot. Instead it came about from a major illness, which was initially blamed (as it turns out, erroneously) on alcohol. I wasn’t much of a drinker so I started researching how alcohol interacts with your body, and found a number of fascinating recent studies about how that damage (not just long term, but even hangovers) could be prevented with a number of naturally occurring compounds.Enter rejection #1: I asked my doctors about the studies I was reading, and basically got blank stares in response. When I reached out to the authors of those studies, most of them ignored me. If I was going to go from reading clinical studies to some kind of product or business, I was going to have to do it on my own.Instead of just dropping the idea, I decided to double down instead and do some testing of my own. After I got healthy I started a MBA program, so I had a large pool of people who went out regularly. Many of the compounds I’d read about were fairly common supplements, so I started buying them and asked people to try them before they went out.Enter rejection #2: As it turns out, convincing people to take strange pills before they go out drinking is a challenge, even when you know them personally. Even though a lot of people were sketched out and wouldn’t try them, I found that the international crowd in my program was much more willing to try what I was offering.With trial and error, I was able to develop a formula that seemed really effective. Problem was, even with people vouching for it, the fact it was pills still scared off people. So I took that rejection, and turned it into inspiration: if people don’t want pills, maybe they’ll try something in a different format? So I started mixing my formula into liquid and having people try that.Enter rejection #3: While people were more willing to try a shot, it smelled and tasted positively horrifying. I got samples from flavor houses, talked to food scientists, tried a dozen different ways to get the taste down...nothing worked. Then things got worse.Enter rejection #4: My MBA program offered a variety of programs and services for startups that students were working on, and I applied for almost all of them. Funding? Applied for. Summer accelerator? Applied for. Pretty much across the board, I got turned down. I had one advocate in my corner, who led part of the school’s accelerator, and she confided that the “powers that be” had basically vetoed supporting my business because of its ties to alcohol.At this point, it would’ve been really easy to throw in the towel. Costs were building up from buying all the testing materials, and without any funding or support, it was either give up and get an internship, or debt finance the company...and put post-MBA job prospects in peril if the company didn’t work. Still, I knew my formula worked, and I knew people would want what I was making if I could make it in a form that wasn’t completely horrifying. So, I kept at it.As I entered the second year of my MBA, I gave up for the first time. No matter how many varieties I tried, no drink worked. But rather than give up entirely, I started experimenting with other ways I could make it.Enter lucky break #1: Another supporter of mine at my school was able to get me a free ticket to a conference at which a number of pharma and supplement companies would be present. While I was there, I saw how a number of them were marketing gummy vitamins and other gummy products. And that sparked an idea.When I got home, I bought some jello, some gelatin, and tossed my formula into the mix. Just like that, I went from god awful smelling and tasting drinks, to a gummy that actually tasted pretty decent! And the difference was night and day compared to the pills and drinks I had before. Whereas previously I’d had to convince people to try my formula, everyone loved the gummies. At this point I knew I definitely had something, but I also realized I couldn’t make a scalable company mixing my formula into jello in my kitchen, so I started looking into what it would take to do it at scale.Enter rejection #5: To sell a supplement, not only would it have to be made by a FDA registered manufacturer, but those manufacturers required massive minimum orders. Hundreds of thousands if not millions of gummies. I had already been financing the company through credit card debt for the better part of a year, but it would take multiple times what I’d already put in just to order the minimum. Still, it only cost a couple of thousand to run a small R&D trial to prove the concept, so once again I bit the bullet and kept digging.R&D proved successful, and were were able to make a gummy bear that the manufacturer could mass produce. At this point, my MBA program was just about over, but I had a product that people were really liking, and a pathway to bringing it to market. I just needed the funds to do it.Enter rejection #6: Ultimately, I decided to run a crowdfunding campaign. I spent the better of two months preparing, but still was trying to get the campaign ready for graduation. It was a disaster. The entire thing was rushed beyond belief, I had virtually no gummies to show, I hadn’t even finished the basic packaging design so I had no demos to show, and while I had a group of backers from my MBA program, it was entirely too self contained and overlapping an audience to work. So, for the second time I quit, and cancelled the campaign when it became apparent it wasn’t going to work.At this point, I was totally stuck. I didn’t have the funds to bring my product to market, nor could I legally make it myself in order to start slow and build up an customer base. So I started doing more fundraising. I’d met a few angels and VCs in the course of business school, and I met with as many as I could. I sat in on pitches, and gave pitches of my own. But, things were going slowly.Enter lucky break #2: while my crowdfunding campaign hadn’t worked out, it had received some positive attention from my friends and family network. Even after I cancelled it, a number expressed interest in the idea and the company, and I was ultimately able to raise an initial seed round that would allow me to make deposits on a first batch of gummies. But I still needed to raise more if I really wanted to be able to launch.Enter rejection #7: I spent most of the summer and early fall fundraising. It was a slog. Lots of conversations that went nowhere, and lots of “keep us updated”. I had some backing, but not enough if I wanted to aim for the kind of growth I was aiming for. I had bootstrapped a company with minimal funds once before so I knew exactly how much of a tooth and nail battle that was, and it was one I really wanted to avoid if I could. But I might not have a choice.Enter lucky break #3: One of the biggest parts of raising funds is networking. You never know who can make the right introduction, and in my case, that introduction came from an entirely unexpected source. Throughout my time working on the gummies, I’d had a number of CPG professionals inquire and basically pitch their services in launching the company; my background was in tech, so working with someone with more industry experience was something I had interest in. One firm in particular seemed like a good match, but it was definitely going to require me to raise more funds. As it turned out, that firm had its own VC network, and so an introduction was made. Less than a month later, I had a term sheet. Of course, things are never quite that easy. It took another two months and lots of back and forth with attorneys to go from offer sheet to signed deal.Of course, even now the journey is far from over. We have a great product, strong team, and high quality support, but curveballs still come from unexpected places, and there’s still plenty of ups and downs. But we’ll keep figuring out how to make things work, because if you’ve read this whole post, you know there are a lot of times I could’ve easily quit, but instead steady work (and a little good fortune) has conquered those obstacles. Problems of all shapes and sizes will come up. But building a quality product and a quality company means enduring through those problems.TL; DR: Starting a company requires facing a lot of challenges that can seem insurmountable, but with perseverance and creativity they can be overcome. Nothing good comes easy.

#/r/startups #reddit

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