#idk it's all so interesting. i'm shaking all the lore around in my mind

[chaosgenasi]

thinking about. potential leader of the "death-obsessed cult" within paragon's call / inferred worshipper of the duskmaven, otohan thull, using poison that seals souls behind one of the divine gates and prevents resurrection. there's also an interesting piece of dialogue from treshi, who, in relation to the ruidus superstitions of those within paragon's call, said: "i've seen enough interesting, weird things in my life to know that most nothing makes much sense, so you get what you can with the time you are given. and when your time is up, it's up." also, it's very out there, but if the poison is less about preventing resurrection and moreso about redirecting the souls elsewhere if possible -- say, behind a different gate -- there's this interesting piece of lore from c2:

"there is a prominent belief, superstitious as it is largely considered, that most of these meteors that do come through in meteor showers themselves are parts of ruidus, the distant moon, breaking apart and making their way towards the planet. some believe because it's decaying and just showering its decay upon the planet in clumps, others believe it's supposedly distant warriors' spirits that themselves are returning to the planet after being lost on the battlefield."

#basil.ramblings #cr spoilers #critical role spoilers #every day i wish we got to see bells hells fight her greatest warriors just to see what she would have Done #had her people been knocked unconscious / if she would have let them die #also i'm super curious about the poison itself like. is it necrotic?? how does otohan view the rq in regards to #the natural order of life and death?? is the duskmaven different? especially bc we know she's already riding that line with dunamancy #or is the poison itself a form of worship / how does she view coming back bc again laudna isn't secretive about being undead #& no one seemed bothered by her #idk it's all so interesting. i'm shaking all the lore around in my mind #also i just finished re-listening to calamity the other day and i keep thinking about 'blood of the chosen' #& all of the bloodlines & magic & rituals we have going on this campaign and what that might mean ruidus wise #especially if y'know. there's the omen archive & everything with werewolves & paragon's call having or once had connections #with the nightmare king & ashton possibly being a weird religious experiment / elemental magic + blood #which is to say. it's kinda fucked but i wouldn't be surprised if ruidusborn blood itself is something important #i don't know! i'm excited to find out!

[clarafyer]

Omnomnom dehydrated apple chips are some of my favorite safe foods

Actually yk what I'll ramble about my sensory shit

So like I've loved spicy, bold flavours like hot cheetos, curry, buffalo wings, etc, and I'll never not accept them as a safe food.

Sometimes though my sensory needs just- change back and forth, like from "I will vomit if I eat avocado toast today" to "avocado toast is the only thing I will accept as breakfast today" which is I guess where audhd comes in. There are some foods that bypass all my shifting needs, like strawberries, dehydrated apples, hot cheetos, potato chips, and pasta (ESPECIALLY the bowties omg I love the bowtie pasta)

Aside from taste needs, sometimes I really REALLY need a tight hug, not because I'm having a rough day but just because my body really wants to be under pressure for like 4 seconds and then it's good, aND THEN IT SWITCHES TO "If my parents even just barely touch my hair I will die of the sudden itch and sometimes even pain"

Also florescent lights just kill me most of the time which is why I am very happy that most of my teachers don't have every light turned on in their classrooms

I need socks to walk anywhere around my house but I will have straight up insomnia if I wear them to sleep

I haven't ever gone fully non-verbal but when I talk I either have to repeat myself 4 times because of how quiet I'm mumbling, stutter too much to the point where I just restart my sentence after pausing, repeat a word when I didn't mean to (for example during a chapter review of Lord of the flies I said "Piggy and Piggy" instead of "Jack and Piggy" and I got laughed at D:) ORRRRR I NEED TO BE TOLD TO BE QUIETER BECAUSE I'M RAMBLING TOOFASTANDLOUDDD

I have two special interests: my OC lore, and Genshin Impact. My childhood special interest was- also my old OC lore (7 year old me had the amazing and magical story, ever so creatively named "the enchanted forest") that went on for like 4-5 years where I would always want to talk about it and think about it to sleep, aaaaaand My Little Pony (I'VE REWATCHED MLP AND NINJAGO BOTH LIKE AT LEAST 8 TIMES but I wouln't call Ninjago a special interest bc it was more of an on and off obsession-)

I do also have hyperfixations ofc and they usually last up to 2 months, pretty sure that lines up with the statistical average idk

Also sometimes I just need to- punch something with full force. I never get to though and Ik it'd feel great (I did throw a pillow like 5 times in a call with my friend when I was hyper though so like... I've been able to get that excitement out-)

I'm sometimes really slow or just straight up zone out mid-conversation which is frustrating on both ends

I have a wide and advanced vocabulary for my age but [read the prior paragraph on talking], I usually don't get to use it to it's full potential because of that issue .-.

(I just realized this whole rant about my stuff is gonna be perfect for if I can ever actually get diagnosed by someone yayyy)

Mom told me that as a 1-3 year old I never really played with my toys but just lined them up either by size or color (yk those like- tower thingies with the rings of differing sizes and colors? I always ordered them correctly just out of the need for it to look right)

When I was 5 this girl in Kindergarten had a sling on but it was a fancy bedazzled sling so I really wanted to feel the gems but she wouldn't let me and I got sad :(

I've always loved swings and those like- spider web climbing equipment, still do just because I like rocking around and being able to stretch and hang and maneuver around the differently angled bars/ropes on the spider web thing (SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THEY'RE ACTUALLY CALLED)

I also have this like- neck shaking and hand flapping tic/stim, sometimes it's uncontrollable sometimes it's a controllable urge, and when it's a tic it sometimes hurts or is just straight up excessive

Okay my mind is going blank now so buhbye this was super long if anyone read all of that- kudos to you, Idk why you would subject yourself to reading it all ok BYEEE

#actually autistic #undiagnosed neurodivergent #undiagnosed autistic #undiagnosed autism #undiagnosed adhd #autism food #autistic things #autism #audhd #actually audhd #audhd things