#idk it’s easier just throwing these things out into the void bc I feel like I’m not doing a good job of saying it elsewhere | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

charmedreincarnation · 7 months

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Hey lovely charm!

I haven’t sent an ask to any blog all this time I’m here because I’m trying to avoid negativity and victim mentality, however I’d like to ask this one thing (of course you can ignore this ask if it’s been answered before or you just don’t want to respond, also I’ll throw a TW but there’s nothing really bad on here)

I read the latest success story which actually almost brought tears to my eyes, I’m proud of this person and everyone that managed to get out of their awful and undeserved circumstances!! My question though is that one thing that drives me crazy all this time and it might sound stupid: how do we actually surrender to our imagination?

Is it just believing everything is going to change? Because I think I might be doing something wrong and I don’t know what it is, I’m just tired of waking up and seeing the same awful and dreadful reality. I’m tired crying every night because I’m being “forgotten” even by friends like I don’t exist sometimes. I’m tired “trying” for the void. Every night before I sleep and every morning, even for the whole day, I’m just thinking as if I got it all already, I’m walking to my dreadful 7-3 work but I’m imagining walking in London going to my actual dream job, wearing my dream clothes and having my dream appearance. The problem is that I feel I’m living on a loop, keep doing the things I did before but kind of “dressing them up” with my mind, in my mind. Any advice you have, I hope it’s going to also help out any other kind soul on here that needs it.

Thank you in advance lovely, I follow your blog with devotion and one of these days I’ll send you my success! xx

Hiii 💓I can only speak for myself, but surrendering to imagination for me looked like letting go of the how and the when my desires would appear. And you know it seems kind of stupid at first, I get that. When people used to say that it made me mad,but that was before I actually understood what it meant. I used to think well “If I wanted it in my imagination I’d just daydream” which isn’t even correct because if you’re imagining of your desires instead of from them, it’s the reason you don’t feel fulfilled anyways. But it’s actually a great thing.

When I stopped trying to change the 3D and stopped trying figure out how/why/when my desired would appear and instead remembered I already had them, it got a little easier. I stopped worrying about if my crying would stop my desires from coming to fruition, bc if I already have it in my imagination why would that matter? just because you’re wealthy does that mean you can’t cry lmfao. it didn’t matter what I did, when I got mad I stopped spiraling, I stopped trying to repress my emotions, it got easier and it became more real. That’s when I understood what they meant when they say you don’t want your desires just to be freed from desiring.

The limitless changes didn’t really start until I was Immersed in my imagination, though I had a good amount of conscious “manifestations” before so. But in truth I've always been a maladaptive daydreamer, creating a different reality within my mind. Despite what others and myself perceived as a bland and middling childhood, my inner world was vibrant and full of possibilities. Then I found myself wondering why these vivid daydreams didn't manifest into reality during my childhood. Idk if it was due to my age or lack of conscious awareness of what I was doing.But again I think it was because I was thinking 'of' rather than 'from'.

It’s the imagination that is limitless and why every creation is possible. It really did free me from my doubts I carried here in this plane. In the grand theater of the multiverse, every dream, every desire you've ever had is playing out already since you can see it in your imagination. You can have your dream life - from your appearance and personality to your family, zodiac sign, and even your perfect partner. you can revise and embody the life you want in every aspect, and wake up in a whole new world tomorrow. You can indulge in every spiritual practice you could ever imagine. You can connect with the energy of the universe on such a profound level that you become one with everything around you. You can become the grass under your feet, the stars twinkling in the night sky.

Why? Because you are a limitless being. You are the universe experiencing itself, a manifestation of its infinite creativity. You're not separate from the universe; you are the universe, yet a human at the same time. So what does the 3D have to do with any of that. Yes you’re here and it is real and you will experience the best of love and humanity because of it but first surrender to imagination because that’s where it begins.

“Consciousness is the one and only reality, not figuratively but actually. This reality may for the sake of clarity be likened unto a stream which is divided into two parts, the conscious and the subconscious. In order to intelligently operate the law of consciousness it is necessary to understand the relationship between the conscious and the subconscious. The conscious is personal and selective; the subconscious is impersonal and non-selective. The conscious is the realm of effect; the subconscious is the realm of cause. These two aspects are the male and female divisions of consciousness. The conscious is male; the subconscious is female. The conscious generates ideas and impresses these ideas on the subconscious; the subconscious receives ideas and gives form and expression to them.”(Neville Goddard)

"So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." (Genesis 1:27)

"And have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator." (Colossians 3:10)

In the realm of imagination, boundaries dissolve. Here, we're not just passive observers; we're active creators, shaping our reality with every thought, feeling, and belief we entertain. This isn't about escaping reality but rather embracing a more expansive view of it.

So, why would you ever limit yourself to the confines of the 3D world? Why not tap into the limitless potential of our imagination, where we are the architects of our own promise. I mean your imagination is your superpower. So, harness it. Dream big, unapologetically feel-deeply, and maintain unwavering faith in your creativity that everyone is born with.

#law of assumption #manifesation #manifesting #neville goddard

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tickle-bugs · 3 months

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bit of a word vomit but I want to get my thoughts out

I don’t know what to do with this blog anymore. Tumblr feels so different now. Idk if it’s the community slowly dying, Tumblr culture changing, or both…it’s just different.

I’m not entitled to nor do I expect reblogs or asks or anything but man…every day feels more like throwing fics into a silent void. I decided to be a writer that relies on prompts because the fics I had interest in writing were for fandoms no one cares about. When the response is already is diminishing, it’s hard to convince myself that the effort to write fics is worth it?? If that makes sense?? I can’t get my groove back because the process is becoming less and less fun.

I took up writing prompts bc I thought it might make the community aspect more lively. I’d be writing stuff that you guys are directly expressing interest in. That made it easier when things got rough, but now I have no motivation. I want to write!! I do!! But I don’t really know how to come back to something that isn’t sparking joy anymore in the way I wish it would.

I’ve been saying for years that numbers don’t really matter to me and I stand by it. What I do care about is…idk I guess signs of life and care? I remember when I used to get reblogs on fics with people just screaming in the tags. Or showing their friends a fic. Now it feels like the og prompter rarely even comes back for a hello or to acknowledge the fic they received :’)

Maybe I’m just spouting nonsense but it feels like I’m falling out of love with something important to me in a way I can’t control. So I’m considering options, one of which is deleting my blog altogether. Idk.

#bug speaks #this isn’t articulate in the way I want it to be

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necrobarbie · 1 year

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If you haven't already! I would like to read your rant about addiction in homestuck

so i dont have any like, pre-written essays on it or anything its more like i just make scattered posts when it pops into my head + try to include it in fics (ive got a list of things i wanna take notes on during my next reread and addiction in general is one of them) but i am going to freestyle throw some thoughts down here

breaking down addiction in homestuck requires:

-identifying the main addicts (gamzee = sopor, roxy & rose = alcohol)

-identifying how these characters are treated by the narrative* (are they allowed a voice? are they allowed to be sympathetic? dimensional?) (in gamzees case the answer is almost always no)

*not the characters. the characters can be cruel and dismissive of each other w/o it being the true takeaway of an exchange etc etc etc

there are certain things that pop up again and again in homestuck as an undesirable trait (in this case using undesirable as a negative quality that is not seen as deserving sympathy or care). addiction is one of them! reflecting on the root of the addiction isnt so important to the text as the ability to mock them for their perceived weakness and stupidity is.

roxy and gamzee in particular have similar bases to their addiction: theyre isolated, which, while a common trait in homestuck (the solitude of their irl spaces vs online spaces), is a unique isolation. theyre both without guardians to oversee them and more alienated (against their own desire not to be) from their friends than others.

roxy is one of only two humans on a post apocalyptic earth and, even tho she love love loves her friends she fades into the bg often (fitting for a void player). jane jake and dirk have their love triangle. dirk cant love her the way she wants him to and lil hal is ultimately untouchable. jane struggles to truly understand her. calliope has to interact with her through even more barriers (tangible and social, being a cherub). she just wants to feel close to someone! she wants to be put first. its sad. its painful. she doesnt want to wallow in it, and she doesnt want to potentially drive away her friends by not being silly bubbly roxy. so she turns to alcohol which helps keep her distracted and as a bonus, knocks her out for long stretches of time. it also could serve as a connection to her mother, given thats how she had access in the first place (oh, rose...).

so, roxy is the primary focus on addiction in homestuck but is she a well written example? debatable.

i love her of course and find her decently written up to a point--one point being how extremely rushed her recovery felt. the majority of act 6 is rushed. simply TOO MUCH is happening off screen. and this is where id really need a reread & notes to refresh…ive got a major in gamzeeism minor in lalondeism here. and gamzees addiction is easier to talk about bc he is initially a stoner joke, then an ableist psychotic stereotype, and ultimately blamed for every shortcoming both sober and high. no route is a win for him, no option would make the narrative more sympathetic to him.

idk how to end this post. uh. hope this was at all what you were hoping for. peace

#asks

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whatevencomesnext · 2 years

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Oh mannn I completely forgot about Tumblr! This was all I was on when I was a teenager. Wow. I’ve been going and deleting all my social medias because I’m sick of them, I’m sick of the culture and the algorithms and how addictive they are. Something something cleaning up my digital footprint so I can actually get a job, but mostly I’ve just decided I don’t like social media anymore. I guess Tumblr is different, it's a lot easier to be anonymous imo. I don’t even know what this is. One last shout into the void.

I'm tired of social media and how unhappy it makes me, and so I've been thinking a lot about the role tech has in my life and the lives of people around me. The first ever art class I took that was more focused on technology, the prof told us right off the bat that we were basically cyborgs. Even if most of us don’t have like, brain implants or a third arm (like that crazy artist guy Kenneth told me about)

But our tech is still more or less attached to us. I mean think about it, person who probably stumbled across this blog by accident, can you remember the last time you didn’t have your phone with you? Or near you? Or close enough to get easily? According to A Cyborg Manifesto by Donna Haraway, a cyborg is someone with both organic and cybernetic parts. A mix of the two. It seems really, like, sci-fi, but isnt it kinda true? And man, I don’t know how to deal with that. That prof told our class that aaaages ago and I still think about it, like especially over the pandemic. We’re way way more dependent on tech than we were even a few years ago and idk, it seems like I’m the only one under 40 that finds that unnatural? Like, we as a species figured out how to survive a million billion years or whatever just fine without smartphones and wifi everywhere. Why is it so essential to our lives now?

It totally freaks me out as well. I get ads on youtube related to stuff I mention out loud. I feel like I should be wearing a tinfoil hat when I say these kinds of things, but its something a lot of people know about AS A FACT- but just dont care. I just started watching an older show with my roommate and okay like I’ve never used facebook aside from uni class group chats but i logged on the other day bc i forgot my aunt’s birthday and like. Facebook was like hey! Wanna join a fan group for this show? :) It made me want to throw my laptop into the wall!!!!

And yeah, there’s a part of me that’s like, woah thats kind of an extreme reaction. But like!!!!! Don’t I have a right to privacy?? Can’t I talk about whatever stupid thing I want without worrying about who’s listening outside the room and selling this info to the corporate overlords at Meta???? I told my dad about that happening and he got creeped out, understandably, and then I told my brother and he was like “yeah? That’s how it is lol” And like!! I don’t know if im alone in this but thats not how it should be????

I’m gonna buy a flip phone and go live in the woods. Contacting my loved ones should not come at the price of being wiretapped.

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nerdygaymormon · 4 years

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👉👈 Hi. I'm essentially throwing this ask into the void, bc I'm feeling lost about my sexuality & gender identity & idk anyone irl who is LDS & LGBTQIA. It took me years to finally feel able to call myself ace. Now I'm starting to think maybe I'm not just heteroromantic. I've also started thinking maybe my gender isn't cis. But I feel like unless I'm 100% sure, I can't say anything. My fear is greater than my desire to know myself. So I've just settled & hope one day to not be afraid.

You sent this into the void, and the void is answering back!

Congratulations on identifying as ace. I think the absence of something is a lot trickier to figure out than what most of us deal with.

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I know not having supportive people in your life can make it scary to try out different labels and explore your orientation and gender.

It’s okay to not have your gender figured out.

One thing you could do is create an online social media account with a non-cis identity. Try out different pronouns and see how it feels when people use them when referring to you.

—————————

There are more LDS & LGBTQIA individuals than people suspect, but church can be such a harsh environment that most do not reveal themselves, and when they do come out, they tend to quickly leave the church. But based on averages it is likely every ward in North America has at least one or two LGBTQIA people.

While it’s tough to find us in real life, it’s easier to find us online. Here on Tumblr do a search for #queerstake and you’ll find a number of queer people posting to that hashtag.

On Twitter there’s a group that is centered on Provo (because there’s a core group from BYU). Try my trans friend Ash Rowans who also has the website Trans Saint Stories. Calvin Burke is one of the most followed gay Mormons on Twitter, read the comments people make and that will give you queer Mormon people to check out on Twitter.

—————————

Another suggestion is to the Beyond the Block podcast, which is also available on iTunes. A Black man and a gay man go over the weekly Come, Follow Me lesson and apply those lessons to the marginalized communities. It’s affirming to see scripture used to lift up people like you and me.

—————————

Labels are a way to share with others how you understand yourself. It’s okay to try on a label and see how it feels. It’s okay to change your labels as your understanding about yourself changes. As people get to know themselves better and have more lived experience, it’s not uncommon for them to also shift their labels. Using a label doesn’t mean you’re committed to it for life.

—————————

It’s okay to not be ready to explore more and to be quiet about your queerness. It’s not always safe for people to come out, other times people haven’t yet figured themselves out and so aren’t ready to talk to others. There’s no shame in that. You’ll come out when you’re ready.

Give yourself credit for being brave enough to send me an ask! That was a step towards accepting yourself and finding community.

Much love to you 💓🧡💛💚💙💜

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aaallliiieee · 4 years

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Idk processing some thoughts:

This post discusses dieting/body insecurities. Pls don't read this if you're gonna judge me!!! I just wanna share my feelings ok I know they're not great but whatever who cares. I don't have anyone to talk to irl about this stuff so I'm processing it here and if you don't like it just ignore me lol

So I'm kinda struggling with how I want to use this blog... for so many years I've just had a standard "thinspo" blog that I've always kept secret, used on and off through periods of dieting interspersed with periods of binge eating, but they kept getting deleted and so now I'm conflicted bc I'm 24 and I don't want to keep spreading toxic diet culture, but at the same time I've been steeped in toxic diet culture for so long that I feel like it's almost a hobby and it's like weirdly fun?? Which is fucked up lmao but I guess it's understandable bc my mom is 52 and she's been on and off different diets my entire life, she keeps saying things like "I've been on a diet since 8th grade" and is always starting a new diet for every vacation or upcoming event etc, so I guess I must've internalized it at some point bc I've also been dieting since 8th grade and always starting new diets for different seasons and holidays etc...

But anyway so now that it's summer and July is about to start and it's hot outside and there's not really anything else to do bc of the pandemic, part of me just wants to jump back into another diet and exercise plan, I don't really need to lose much weight but I can definitely be eating better and tone up some muscles, and my first instinct is to just go back to my standard format of blogging my weight and workouts every day, keeping a food log and eating as little as possible, focusing on mostly protein and veggies etc, but then I worry about how I'm being judged by all the anti-diet people on Tumblr now, and I tell myself I shouldn't be interacting with non-diet blogs while blogging about dieting, but I'm also kind of tired of the toxic diet content and I want to branch out into other health and wellness topics, and I wonder if I should even be blogging about my weight and diets at all or if I'm just being narcissistic and perpetuating this cycle of toxic diet culture under a blanket of ~health and wellness~ quotes/pictures...

I know I should actually be focusing on creating a healthy lifestyle for myself and figuring out how to have consistency this time, instead of just repeating the same diet-binge-diet cycle over and over... I want to be adding all these healthy habits into my lifestyle but I'm lacking the discipline and motivation to sustain it, and part of me feels like if I can just think it all out, I can create an ~optimized lifestyle plan~ that will take care of everything and I just need to follow the plan every day, but honestly I've created so many lists/goals for myself over the years and it only works for a few weeks before I fall off, so maybe it's just impossible to live up to such a regimented schedule like that for the long term? But it's not impossible for some people, and if I lived alone I could probably do it, but then I wonder like am I being a crazy wellness fanatic to be fantasizing about this ideal lifestyle where I live alone and only do healthy things lmao when really I should be thankful that I can share my life with such a nice man who loves me, and realistically what I need is to find balance between my wellness goals and my relationship and my social responsibilities and my artistic ambitions... I usually feel overwhelmed by the need to balance all of those aspects and instead of taking care of my responsibilities I waste so much time either watching TV to ignore everything, or just like sitting around on Tumblr/Pinterest fantasizing about a life where I don't have to do anything besides the art and wellness activities, and then when I decide "ok I'm gonna get my life together and take care of all these responsibilities" I usually just get sidetracked into an overly restrictive diet which just makes everything else even harder lmao but at least it's easy to see numerical progress on the scale every day... Other things aren't so easy to see progress and so it's easier to ignore them until they become a giant problem that's overwhelming to deal with...

The main problem is that I'm constantly overthinking everything and I'm stuck in my head all the time, instead of working towards making real meaningful progress on real meaningful goals, in a sustained effort over time... I'm not going to find what I'm looking for on Tumblr so idk why I keep coming back here thinking I'll find it this time... But I'm also lonely and I want to share my inner monologue with people bc it's like I'm living two separate lives, the outer surface and the inner suffering, and it's just hard bc I want to stop suffering inside but it's too hard to make all the changes at once and idk where to start... in the past I started with dieting which works for a little while but then I keep letting it go and starting over in a few months rather than continuing on to the next level lmao. And like I hit my GW 3 years ago and I've been mostly maintaining it this whole time so why can't I move on to the next level yet!!

So, this time the key is to not just get sucked into another restrictive diet under the guise of progress lol, this time I have to focus on something else like creating a habitual daily practice of exercise and meditating and creative work, hold myself accountable to doing it every day until it's second nature, and then once this is established add on the next goal, don't try to do it all at once bc we try that every time and it never works lol

Tldr I just really struggle with this whole human existence thing!!!! If you read this far tell me what you think I'm open to anything you wanna throw my way lol thx for letting me shout this into the void y'all ~

#personal

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malakhai-ozera · 4 years

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Discord Thread || Khai & Emily

Discord thread featuring: Malakhai Ozera & Emily Davis ( @warmvlbes )

When: August 4th

Mentions: @dammitdorian

Description: Khai and Emily text to meet at the grind. They meet up and she ends up slapping him and throwing coffee in his face.

TEXTS

❈ Ⲉⲙⲓ𝓵ⲩ ❈ Are you up

ღ ��нαι ღ Kinda What’s up?

❈ Ⲉⲙⲓ𝓵ⲩ ❈ I’m sorry I called you pathetic

ღ 𝕂нαι ღ It’s fine. You’re not wrong.

❈ Ⲉⲙⲓ𝓵ⲩ ❈ It wasn’t nice I’m just- angry

ღ 𝕂нαι ღ I know you are I deserved it

❈ Ⲉⲙⲓ𝓵ⲩ ❈ I know neither one of us can predict any kind of future but...I do have it in my heart that you find your way back to me. just right now, shit is hard You really really hurt me this time

ღ 𝕂нαι ღ I didn’t do it intentionally Emily. I loved being with you, and I loved you the best way I knew how. I just couldn’t seem to fill that void in me and I truly am sorry. I never wanted to hurt you and the more I tried not to the more I did I’m legit falling asleep off and on so if I stop responding I do apologize. But we can definitely talk more later.

❈ Ⲉⲙⲓ𝓵ⲩ ❈ fill what void? Khai you never gave me a chance to fill any kind of void. We officially dated maybe 2 day’s before you gave up on me and here you are doing it again. You always thought about yourself and only yourself and put others before me every single time. What you did was so fucking shitty because I was never your first choice Khai. Not once. And then to turn around and give that chance to someone else? Guess what. You’re still hurting me.(edited) You also keep saying everything past tense. Can you not? Last night you told me you still love me so stop using “loved”

❈ Ⲉⲙⲓ𝓵ⲩ ❈ Also just to add, That chance of us being together again will have to be granted by me. Because I don’t trust you at all and it’s going to take a lot before i ever do again. I’m sorry.

ღ 𝕂нαι ღ I was talking past tense like before.

❈ Ⲉⲙⲓ𝓵ⲩ ❈ K

AT THE GRIND

ღ 𝕂нαι ღ

“I do love you Emily. I care about you a lot. I’m just not in love with you right now”

❈ Ⲉⲙⲓ𝓵ⲩ ❈ “That’s literally because you’re focused on everyone BUT me. You are the only person to blame”

ღ 𝕂нαι ღ “Too much has happened and it was my fault yes. But we just need space”

❈ Ⲉⲙⲓ𝓵ⲩ ❈ “I’m fully aware of that Khai which is why I stayed away but you always came back and fed into it. this time, if you come back, mean it Khai”

ღ 𝕂нαι ღ “Because I did want you”

❈ Ⲉⲙⲓ𝓵ⲩ ❈ “Yeah well you didn’t act like it”

ღ 𝕂нαι ღ “I tried. I wanted to be with you and I wanted to be happy. I wanted to make you happy. There was always just this piece of me craving something else. I tried to be honest about it and I told you I was scared. I’m not the best with expressing my feelings but I really tried”

❈ Ⲉⲙⲓ𝓵ⲩ ❈ “Khai you lied so many times tho. Even this time. you literally didn’t give me a fighting chance at all. You left me out. You put me on a back burner. you put everyone before me. You’re even doing it now.”

ღ 𝕂нαι ღ “Because it’s easier”

❈ Ⲉⲙⲓ𝓵ⲩ ❈ “You...really SHOULDNT have said that Khai. that’s hurtful”

ღ 𝕂нαι ღ “I’m just trying to be honest”

❈ Ⲉⲙⲓ𝓵ⲩ ❈ “And that just confirms that i was nothing to you. Well thanks for that”

ღ ��нαι ღ “That’s not true. You are not nothing to me. I just like guys”

❈ Ⲉⲙⲓ𝓵ⲩ ❈ “...so what you’re gay now? You’re completely closing me out after leading me on? Seriously? Did I fucking sign up to be your beard?”

ღ 𝕂нαι ღ “Kinda... I’m bisexual. You’re not my beard Emily”

❈ Ⲉⲙⲓ𝓵ⲩ “okay then shut the fuck up and quit acting like me having a pussy wasn’t enough. bc you basically are like “well I like guys so you take a back seat Acting like I didn’t already know you were bi. Fuck outta here It’s not an excuse to literally push me back so you get your fix. and it doesn’t excuse any of your actions”

ღ 𝕂нαι ღ “Idk what to say anymore. I’m trying to be honest and open and I just keeps getting twisted”

❈ Ⲉⲙⲓ𝓵ⲩ ❈ It’s not getting twisted. I’m telling you it doesn’t excuse what you did Khai doesn’t excuse any of it.

ღ 𝕂нαι ღ0 “I know that. Nothing I did was okay. I’m just trying to tell you where I was coming from”

❈ Ⲉⲙⲓ𝓵ⲩ ❈08/04/2020 “Okay and while that’s great, I’m letting you know it doesn’t make it better. Nor does it excuse the behavior. It’s just all around fucked up.I’m Bi too And wasn’t sleeping with women to get my fix”

ღ 𝕂нαι ღ “You’re bi?”

❈ Ⲉⲙⲓ𝓵ⲩ ❈ “Yes”

ღ 𝕂нαι ღ “Interesting”

❈ Ⲉⲙⲓ𝓵ⲩ ❈ “I dated beth when I first moved here. Not that it’s your business. but that’s bc she and I just didn’t work and she left me due to her own problems.”

ღ 𝕂нαι ღ “Well we all know I have my own problems”

❈ Ⲉⲙⲓ𝓵ⲩ ❈ “yeah but beth didn’t do the things you did and neither did I. What you did was cruel. And cold hearted. And selfish. I love you Khai but you’re gonna have to give me time to forgive you, okay?”

ღ 𝕂нαι ღ “I know I’m selfish, and I know I can cruel. But I honestly wasn’t trying to be. I wanted to be with you and be with others too. It’s what I’m used to and I’m sorry. I always felt like I was constantly trying to prove something or change who I was. It was just too much... and then Bradford. I just needed to break away from it all. We were always fighting and it was ruining us. I didn’t want that. But I knew if I just kept asking for space i would just come back anyway”

❈ Ⲉⲙⲓ𝓵ⲩ ❈ “Khai...we were fine In Bradford. And we even agreed to the 30 min rule. Don’t bullshit me. And we fought bc you never kept your word”

ღ 𝕂нαι ღ “Yeah I know we did. But then I met someone who just changed things”

❈ Ⲉⲙⲓ𝓵ⲩ ❈ “Dude fuck you and your cheater bullshit. I’m so over it. Again, giving someone a chance before I even could. here’s to space. You’re a shitty person Khai. And you weren’t even honest with me about that until just now. Enjoy Dorian you kiss ass. And enjoy the song.”

ღ 𝕂нαι ღ “I didn’t cheat. What the fuck? Where not ever together.”

❈ Ⲉⲙⲓ𝓵ⲩ ❈ “You schemed behind my back you low life piece of shit. All that shit you fed me in Bradford, a fucking lie. Take your god damn bracelet slaps him hard. And you stay the fuck away from me!!!! Love me my ass. Fuck you khai” throws her iced coffee on him and walks out

#chats:discord #chats:emily #ft.emily #ft. dorian #{Emily Davis;; I think I'm crazy; But I know you're my baby anyway}

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lcnguor · 4 years

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THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is: canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO.

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated? YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main story? YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO.

How’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon? — Since she is an OC with her own lore I would say pretty much . Of course there are some heres and theres and she changed a lot from the first time I dragged her out of the void of my head . I originally wanted to make more of a gag character but ended up taking too much of the screen if I’m honest . but of course , since there is many other lores and crossovers are a must , some things change once or twice .

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals. — Nora is a mentor character , supportive and most likely to be the ace under the sleeve like a Kisuke Urahara from Bleach or Sinbad from Magi --- you know there’s something fishy but there is a charm that even thought they are slidding in the background for the main character , their relevance is vast . As a mentor characters , she would often help with insight , understanding of complex things , giving moral lessons and giving others a sense of security whilst also making sure to throw hints about a doubious nature . Keeping a character around her to keep their feet on ground while never shooting down their hopes and dreams .

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?). — She is not approachable unless you have enough guts to -- perhaps even looks intimidating or hard to come up with something plausible to make the meeting more natural . And honestly , she looks like a mainstream angst character at first glance --- even I myself believe this and start having second thoughts ... :laughs:

What inspired you to rp your muse? — An old project I had archived in my closet of memories (?). She was the main , nameless character of a journal about , well , her and the emotions she had to deal with in the everyday . I will be seriously honest ... it was a self insert :blushes: after all it was like a personal journal I was doing on my darkest days . But after that , she became Sable -- the first character on her own -- who also served as a mentor ( but the story was much more dark , seriously ) and then just came to this . I even used the pre-prototype name lol . The idea was to put the whole story into a RPG pixel game or a short comic series where she ( Sable ) and the protagonist would wander around a city called “Nobody’s Home” , a place were people with “thats” ( what now are called Stalkers ) got dragged into and either confront their emotions and solve / comes in terms with them or get eaten by them ( a metaphor for suicide or dead by mental illness ) . The story was more or less about Sable teaching Nona ( the genderless protagonist ) about different mental states , issues and others and helping people solve them so they can return to the real world . Needless to say , the story ends with Nona returning after coming in terms with their condition ( funnily enough , the protagonist had a bunny shaped emotion ) while on the other hand Sable stayed behind along with her closest friend , who she question why he keeps being around if he could return himself , to what he replies he doesn’t want to leave her alone esp since she can no longer return --- hinting Sable committed suicide but by sheer will power remained there to help others to deal with what she couldn’t . Voez , the friend I mention , is even Victor from her current lore . Haha , I like recycling I guess . When I came with Nora , it was mostly to kill time and altered her base story a bit since the original plot was way to close up to make an interaction .

What keeps your inspiration going? — How well received she became , I know it sounds a bit ... uh , bad . But I honestly never expected people to like her . heck I even have my doubts about myself liking her haha . plus I know it’s not easy to deal with a character with a somewhat meta power ... I still struggle from time to time but I’m managing and having the support I have atm is something that keeps me going . I love plot a shit lot . I love to come up with ideas with others . To expand what I already have . besides , there is so much I haven’t write down yet that is about her lore but I’m a bit insecure yet . I guess I’m too used to forums where everyon follows a general plot haha ... old habits die hard .

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO / EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO / 50-50

Do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO, I HATE DRABBLES.

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES/ NO.

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO / .... UHHHH

Are you confident in your writing? YES / HAHA NO.

Are you a sensitive person? YES VERY MUCH A LOT / NO.

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal? — I haven’t got any so far --- which honestly surprises me because well ... there is so much that can bother people . as I said , I received a lot of support and praise , which also surprises me haha ... I won’t deny I would love to hear what people think , even if I later end up riding the anxiety train to the moon but it’s also a way to grow up , I believe . god ... I sound like nora Uu

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character? — I absolute love this and need this . It comes easier for me to make a 20 word pages of information about stuff if I’m asking specifically about it . even add explanatory drawings with it lolol since I’m kinda bad with words . besides , showing me interest on a character would just fire the heck out of me to keep going . I mean , everyone likes to get some curiosity and a chance to develop more their characters , canon or not .

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why? — I would for sure . I’m not smart and I actually do a shit ton of research --- but even so I can miss a lot of shit people would say <nah that’s not how it works> and that would be helpful as heckie . but of course , needing the why also would tell me if the person disagreeing is doing it with a solid ground or just because they are being a piece of crap . I’m really tired of tumblr mentality and shitty people who aren’t mature enough to act decently .

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it? — you cannot like everyone or have everyone like you either . I don’t really care much ... esp since nora is an original character . if it constructive critisism , okay -- I will take it , but gimme a solid reason other than “ your character is / is not ... “ and then give a crappy critique because she doesn’t fit your agenda or standards .

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it? — you are fucking free to unfollow me and ignore me for the rest of your life . I really don’t get the point of hating on the internet just because and keep promoting your hate just to be a pain in the ass .

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors? — I fucking wrote in my rules that people are even fricking free to fix my grammar and english because holy heck , even to this day I still do some ugly shit . I’m dumb , help ...

Do you think you are easy going as a mun? — ehhhhhhhhhhhhh, kinda . I take everything with water . whenever it’s of ideology , people as it is , characters ... I am quite tolerant and try to keep the “okay this person thinks this way , fine .” but as long as nobody crosses the line where they try to spoil it for me or others , I get super bitter . I love OOC , getting to know the one behind the character makes me feel more secure about coming to them and just rambling about plots and hcs and whatever idea got in my mind . but if I see someone and , forgive me god for misjudging , see them as a person that will put me on my nerves -- I won’t even try . as for the friends I have and those who don’t know me as much ... I am obnoxiously sporadic and have a lot of ups and downs very often . one day I could be talking 100 words per second others I will just take a fucking week to respond . honestly , I had mined my social skills for two years plus several other irl stuff previous to that , so I’m always a bit too anxious around people , esp people I REALLY like . I’m insecure as heck , if someone is vague ( just because , idk , it was a lazy day for them ) I think at least 10 different reason why probably that person hates me now . I’m a bit dumb 26 year old baby .......... but I’m very aware that is completely on me . I’m a mess....... so , what was the question again ??? ... I , yeah ... it’s a kinda . but I try , at least haha.

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

Tagged by: @skyvar herself Tagging: y’all , cowgirls and cowbois . i hate tagging bc i forget urls :finger guns:

#mik talks #ᴍᴜɴᴅᴀɴᴇ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛs » misc.#ɪ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ɴɪɴsᴡɪᴛᴄʜ » games.

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ambitchiovs · 4 years

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lenny back at it again… i warned y’all about the intros dump. anyway, off to this bitch:

&&. isn’t that [ DEBORAH ANN WOLL ] walking around the hamptons? oh no, nevermind it’s just [ ADELAIDE MONTSERRAT ]. y'know, the [ 19 ] year old [ CIS FEMALE ] known to be quite [ CHARISMATIC and DETERMINED ] but also [ CUNNING and RUTHLESS ]. currently, the police has them as [ A PERSON OF INTEREST ] in the case of samantha wheeler, because they [ WERE PART OF SAMANTHA’S FRIEND GROUND ]. but they go on about their life as [ A STUDENT ]. i wonder what secrets they’re keeping? [ lenny/23/gmt+3/she/her ]

TW: eating disorders, addiction, mental disorders, possible suicidal thoughts/mentions

DON’T YOU EVER TAME YOUR DEMONS, ALWAYS KEEP THEM ON A LEASH.

In the eyes of Adelaide Montserrat, there was never a girl to be found. If you dare to pry, you will not find what strangers see when they pass her by the crowd. You will look into a bottomless void that threatens to swallow you whole and it will look back at you with smiling teeth. Little Addie, once a girl with pink tutu’s and ballerina shoes, was never one to be meddled with - she would captivate all her teachers and classmates with rosy cheeks and a clever tongue beyond her years, but there was nothing warm or kind about the little girl whose parents held so close she nearly choked to death.

History goes, her father — her biological father, anyhow, was a very powerful politician before he dropped dead. Nobody really knows what happened that night - all everybody seems to know is that all her loved ones seem to fall like dominoes. Her father died when she was 16, during a robbery. The men were never caught, but little Adelaide was left bawling into her mother’s lap. Surprising as it may be, she was actually the product of a one night stand and poor lack of judgement, or so her mother likes to tell her - but Catherine Montserrat was no fool, and she took him for all he had - and as it turns out… That was a lot.

That doesn’t come cheap, for Adelaide, anyways. Being a part of a new family meant she now had a new player to share her inheritance with - and damned if she didn’t do everything she could to throw them off the board. In the eyes of her parents, she could do no wrong - she was pure and pristine and everything they hoped their little girl would be. You’d assume being the younger sibling meant competing for attention - but she never competed. She never even considered it a competition. She won, plain and simple. Her half brother, that man who called himself her “father” now were but pebbles in her shoes, nuisances she had to navigate through to continue on with her luxurious lifestyle. They didn’t understood her, didn’t particularly wanted to, and it was easier to smear on some foundation and bake it with powder than let explain why her skin was cracking. It was easier to strap on those old ballerina shoes and put on a show until her toes were bleeding, than to try and show them what was behind the curtains. And all jewelry in the world, all praise, all money and countless designer bags she accumulated every year could never fill up that gaping hole, that detachment she felt towards the outside world and inability to connect with things and people - even those supposedly closest to her.

You see, Adelaide didn’t lose, because she tailored the game to her whims and batted her heavy set of lashes to make it seem fair. And if she did lose - the game be damned; she’d destroy it and any evidence of her failure with the wrath of a woman scorned. She didn’t want to be a little sister, or a daughter, or something for men to gawk at. She wanted to be something else. Anything other than this vile thing dripping with self-loathing , cloaked in a veil of perfectionism. Something that wasn’t rammed into this golden mold before she even took her very first breath.

Addie’s behavior as well as their parents favoritism only blurred the lines between love and hate between the half-siblings, complicating her understanding of relationships even further. And it certainly didn’t help that her new brother was just as stubborn and competitive as she was. The children were picture perfect, carrying on the legacy of their parents on their backs as if it weighed no more than a feather - while whatever had been good or soft in them began to rot.

But just who is Adelaide Montserrat? The reincarnation of the Virgin Mary to most. The girl with perfect hair, perfect hair and a perfect family. In truth, Adelaide could be seen only as a terror taken human form to those who opposed her, and a perfect, exemplary girl for those who keep a safe distance. What she is, what she truly is, is a game of smoking mirrors - a fragmented girl, scattered into so many pieces to cater to the whims of crowds, that now, when she looks into a mirror, the image that looks back is something recognizable; distorted.

Fueled by her own securities and desire to obtain perfection, paired with the crowd of rich kids that were offered to her as friends growing up, it didn’t take for things to escalate; by the age of only fourteen, poisoning their blood with alcohol, snorting up enough cocaine so she had to carry around wipes and kicking each other in the stomach while crouching over the toilet became somehow ordinary. Encouraged, even. All that deep-rooted self-hatred had to spill someway, somehow. She grew to resent how boys were granted more freedom, more room to misbehave and make mistake. She resented girls for being themselves, for not wanting to scream every second of every day. And she resented Samantha for how genuinely she could smile - for how easily everything came to her, and for how she was everything she could never be; while she was lying in a grave she dug herself - shackled to the image of perfection she’d crafted, held to the highest of regards, expected to never falter nor stutter. It was hard to define the relationship between her - one moment Addie was sweet, the next she was cruel. And as to that unfortunate Halloween night, she claims they parted ways before she could see anything.

All the harder she tries to cling to this illusion of control, the deeper she dives into that well. Parents often say kids will “grow out of it”; their fits of rage, their apathy towards other children, their unwillingness to share, their manipulative, spoiled ways of obtaining what they want- but Addie never did. Somewhere inside there’s still that little girl who’d rather break her toys in half than to share it with other kids. Who’d bump into other little girls at school, and tell the nurse they tripped. Who’d rather set her arm back in place herself than say “you were right”. The little girl who’ll sit in an empty throne all alone, built with the bones of the people she once claimed to love.

PERSONALITY-WISE:

Adelaide is emotionally unstable and has a very competitive, volatile, manipulative personality; she doesn’t forgive, and she sure as hell doesn’t forget, and she can lash out in incredibly ruthless ways due to her extreme lack of empathy for hers. Her addictions and unwillingness to ever speak to anyone in depth about herself only worsen the state of her BPD. Despite all this, on the surface, she can seem like just like any other pristine, privileged girl. It’s not usual for people to find her charming - she does exude that sort of magnetic aura that’s very easy to fall for, because people tend to see what they want to see - and therefore, it’s easy for her to adjust her personality to the expectations of whomever she’s trying to captivate. In a way, her entire personality has merged with her addiction: being friends with her feels a lot like moment of high in exchange for an eternity of sorrow.

She can be a loyal friend, to some extent, although she’ll never put anyone above herself. She’s also very insecure and prone to fits of rage (in private) whenever she doesn’t get what she wants (think broken mirrors and glasses), as her self-image is heavily dependent on what she can achieve and how others perceive her. Deep down, this all stems from jealousy - she so desperately wishes she could connect with other people and things the way everyone around her does, but in the end she can’t, and she’s left feeling like an outside looking in. If she’s miserable, why shouldn’t everyone around her be too?

HIT ME UP TO PLOT U COWARDS !!

for reals, though - i know this was unnecessarily long, but oh well. you can be ex friends with her? don’t know why they’re not friends anymore - but i’m willing to bet it’s addie’s fault.

maybe some sort of competitor? academic or otherwise.

maybe there’s some poor ex out there who knows what a headcase she actually is? but probably can’t say much bc they fear for her life lmao.

she wouldn’t openly date anybody who could reflect poorly on her reputation, so secret hookups??? give me someone who’s getting sick of being used pls. ( she’s a closeted bisexual. society isn’t very welcome to the idea rn ) so girl crushes yes pls let girls have crushes on her. let her manipulate them bc she knows. i need.

also gimme someone who deals drugs to her tbh, bc this needs to be kept SUPER lowkey, but it’d also be hilarious bc she wouldn’t have to fake her personality around them & it’s like bitch what the fuck this girl is dr jekyll and mr hyde.

i’d love love to see a fake relationship - but i don’t mean the ‘secretly have feelings for each other’ - i mean the… secretly despise each other but they’re image-obsessed people and like being seen as the golden couple.

oH and pls someone give me a… dare i say sisterly connection? mostly, a girl who idolizes her or puts her on a pedestal, that she might or might not have a soft spot for ( which in addie’s handbook just means she’ll be that much crueler whenever she feels like it tbh ) & see it as some sort of protegee.

idk i’m open to anything, these are just suggestions thrown at the wall here. the point is… plot w me u cowards. and yes, my muse does bite.

#hamptcns:intro

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velvetloss · 3 years

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* self harm tw

i’ve had this account since i was a teenager & purposefully never gave it out to irls or even my usual internet friends on snap / insta / twitter so i could be brutally honest & talk about my mental health & feelings & shit in general, but now i don’t even think it matters bc those same ppl haven’t noticed me slowly killing myself every day for months idk idk idk literally none of my followers on here even know my name so it’s kind of a void to throw things at but i didn’t even realize how but i’d gotten until the last two days - sun when i stormed out of my house at 12 a.m. & didn’t come back for the night & got into fights w everyone i care about (or at least the ppl still fucking talking to me) & yesterday when stephen called to work things out and i hung up on him 10 minutes into the ft and said i couldn’t talk at the moment (bc i was silently crying and couldn’t really form words) and i half-turned my phone off while doing stuff & he kept calling over & over & over until i finally picked up & he told me he felt like his chest was being stabbed w a dagger over & over & over again & that he could tell i was hurting more than he’s ever seen me hurt before & his gut told him if he didn’t call, i would have k*lled myself & at first i thought that was really extreme but looking back i bled through an entire bathroom towel and it wouldn’t stop so i was just sitting on my bathroom floor crying for three hours and when stephen asked me to just talk to him all i could scream was i don’t want to be here anymore and idk idk idk i’m sick of having feelings i’m sick of always loving harder than ppl love me i’m sick of being a footnote in everyone’s lives & being on call for plans just as much as work & i’m tired of nobody noticing how i’ve been dissecting myself for months & how i can barely get out of bed bc i’m too dizzy & weak to do much of anything & how cold my fingers are bc i never have enough nutrients & how i can’t even wear a tank top rn bc of my shoulder & how i want it too all just come tumbling down bc i’m ready to go but stephen doesn’t follow me on here actually nobody really does so he won’t see this and worry and i’ll continue to watch marvel movie w him every night since he essentially has me on s*icide watch & i’ll shove my feelings deeper inside of me until i forget any glimpse of human emotion & i’ll let myself go numb bc it’s easier than constantly missing you like a shadow imprint on my heart

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survivormarmoreal · 5 years

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Episode #12: "FUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuoooouuoock me." - Maynor

Well. Looks like Bryce wasnt trust worthy at all. I can only have annabelle but we dont talk too much. I need to win immunity or my ass is gone next.

I definately need to win this immunity if I want to regroup. A even bigger fire in me wanting to play even more aggressive. Ive been passive. Now I dont really care who goes. Except for Annabelle ❤️. Im going to try and throw wrenches in their plans and try to get someone from their side out.

I’m on 230. Idk what my goal is going to be but i think im going to stop around 2pm so i can go back to 1 before 5pm deadline comes. I really need to win this immunity. 😰

Update. I am now at 500 for the number. Its barely noon. Idk if i should keep going or start to go back down to one. I just hope im the furtherest from everyone else. I would die if i dont win.

I feel so terrible. like that Nathan vote was the hardest thing I have had to do in this game so far. He betrayed my trust a lot. But I really got along so well with him. And Nathan deserves better. Ugh. Like Brian and I literally feel gross. And now I have to do damage control with Anna and make it seem like a last minute switch when actually it was me being a terrible person and plotting all round against one of the nicest players ever. I'm feeling rough and this season is getting really tough.

Well I am still here! I am honestly shocked that I am, but I will TAKE it gladly! Maybe I will stop being the target now cause nathan is gone (we shall see though, I feel like Bryce and brian are now HATED by Maynor and Anna) which will be nice. I now have the lovely (....) distinction of having the most votes cast against me in celestial history. and ALL Since the merge started lmao! I really am a magnet for votes huh. I feel good, might have to be rude to someone to get a target off my back though so uh maybe bitch boi matt will make a return at some point? We shall see

its so awk trying to talk to annabelle bc 1 she doesnt talk to me but more importantly idk what to say like. she feels betrayed but sharkys the one who threw nathans name out NNN she should be glad if it were up to me shed be in ponderosa right now ASFKJADSHFKJS. idk like i literally just forced a convo with her so i could confront her about leaking to sharky and she just ghosts. i want DRAMA. i want TEA. and yet nothing. maybe instead of doing the most i should be doing immunity but counting is literally so anxiety inducing and daunting JKHDAFSDKJFHKJ. anyways 6th is cute too

FUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuoooouuoock me. I got to 626 to pay my respect to Stitch and i mess up gojng down from 323 and put 321. I never wanted to cry so bad. I wanted to scream into the void. I cant even with this challenge. I restarted and back at 404. Its 1:25 and deadline 5. Hopefully itll be enough time.

OK, so I definitely won't win immunity, but I tried to do well! I don't think my submission will be good enough, but I can hope and pray it is!! I don't even know if I fucked up, but I don't think I did... so hopefully 317 is the number for me!!

In other tea time news, Nathan... ya... um... when you see this I want you to truly understand how heartbroken I am at what happened. I knew with all the strong-minded gameplay and trust you had in me that we would've been final 2 given the chance, but I also think that what threw me off was Annabelle's constant tea spilling at Sharky and the fact that your closest allies (aside from myself) were her and Maynor, who I like but have little to no actual game relationship with. In addition, your desire to take out Matt every single round of the merge? Wig.

I also found out Bryce was the other Matt vote during the merge vote... so... wow I'm powerful....

According to me and Bryce's plans in this game, ideally, Sharky will go this round... but after sending home Nathan last round, my whole ass heart is on some different shit. I just feel like me doing that would be another rough ass round, and I don't think I could handle it. It was easier when people like Nick, who annoyed me on a game level, were the names being thrown out, especially with how cocky he was... but now I'm like... wow, these people? Amazing.

I think Sharky winning immunity wouldn't be too bad because then I can finally push Annabelle out and won't have to worry about her, so I'm banking on that! I don't wanna ruin Bryce and I's plans in this game, I just feel more confident sitting with Sharky than like anyone else.

I also think my relationship with Maynor is so much better, and I can actually work with him further down the road. He sketched me out a lot in the past, but I really think it's a solid ally for me if I can get him passed this round. Annabelle or Sharky are the ideal targets, but I'm really feeling an Annabelle vote this round. I may not be in the best spot for immunity this round, but I know I'll have my A-game on and ready next round, so I'm READY.

I was doing so well in this challenge. I had like 900 and I screwed up. Now I'm feeling the pressure. And I keep messing up. Now I've got less than 3 hours to make it up and hopefully finally win something. Brian told me he did not do well. And I don't want anyone else to win because it will limit our options going forward.

I'm over it. I screwed up HARD. And now I have like no time to recover. I'm over it.

I decided to go back to 626. And at 2:41pm i was able to get back down to 1. Im happy but i really hope that was enough because if it wasnt then im going to cry. I really want to win this. Stitch my favorite please give me luck. 🦑

last round was so risky i hope it doesnt just get me 6th. i tried to get together with anna again and i think we are but maynor not so much which sucks but as long as brian is real with wanting to keep me i should be good imagine if it was fake and he wasnt really taking me to the end NNN adsjkfhadskj the gag of the season? but ugh sharky really wants me out again like maybe get a clue and stop.

That was upsetting. But Bryce did really well so I applaud him. Its most likely going to be me tomorrow night. It sucks but i can at least try and see if i can find a way to stay.

There is some hope. Annabelle and I want to make it a tie with Matt. And when its rock time, Brian or Sharky hopefully get the odd color and they are sent home. Thats the only play right now that I think can save me. I have to rely on Bryce who i dont trust at all anymore. But kind of have to if i want to survive tomorrow.

i'm down for some mutual destruction this vote. I hope that this pays off or it could totally fuck me over but it is what it is if this works out i'll take this as like a win for nathan and i'll be in a much better spot i think. wish me luck <3

I WON IMMUNITY PPL CAN TRY TO COME FOR ME BUT THEY CANT SURE MAYBE I PLAYED BAD IDK I HAVE BAD SENSE OF SELF WORTH BUT MAYBE I DID PLAY WELL BUT MAYBE I DIDNT BUT U KNOW WHAT IS TRUE AND FACTS!!! ME WINNING THIS IMMUNITY. BRIAN DOESNT WANT TO VOTE SHARKY ALL OF A SUDDEN WHICH IS SKETCH BUT NOW THAT I HAVE IMMUNITY IM NOT AFRAID OF VOTING SHARKY AND HOPING ANNABELLE AND MAYNOR VOTE WITH ME IM TALKING IN CAPS BC IM SO EXCITED MY STOMACH WAS LITERALLY A MESS ALL DAY BC OF HOW NERVOUS I WAS COUNTING UP AND DOWN AND SEVERAL BREAKDOWNS LATER I WON WOOOOOOOHHOOO IT REALLY IS BRYCE HISTORY MONTH!!!! anyways yaa i hope f5 is me brian matt maynor anna and that brian is real one and uses vote steal there so we auto have immunity but maybe i try to win immunity again anyway to make sure im safe.... but then at f5 i think anna has to go but she'll be so mad idk maybe maynor.. or maybe matt whomst knows KJASDHFKJS but wooh in this moment... i am at peace

Im convinced annabelle is like a marine biologist or something with how much she loves sharky! i just want him out KFJASDHFKJ i love being pushy jk i literally hate it but i just want him out its not a lot to ask and i feel like im getting played idk but at this point my loyalty is to brian so if he betrays me its like w/e NNN just hoping itll work out maybe i comp my way into a losing finalist spot... anyways i just got into dear evan hansen again so love that renewed obsession

The Fajita Fellas are actually a solid alliance. I know I've been skeptical of Bryce in the past but I'm actually starting to trust him which is cool. HOWEVER it's also an issue because if I'm going to keep trying to save Anna it's only going to get harder. I'm hoping this vote will be easy squeezy. I told the FF that Maynor is easy and least likely to have an idol. They seem good with that. So...we'll see.

I am very nervous for tonight. I am 2 of the options for Sharky, Brian, and Matt to do. Annabell and I are throwing each other under the bus to them. But our plan is to vote Sharky and hoping have Bryce with us and cause a tie. And on the revote hope one flips on Sharky or we go to rocks. And hopefully Matt or Brian get the rocks.

The vote is me tonight. If plan goes according to it should be 3 vote sharky and 3 vote me. Im really hoping they flip on sharky or that Matt or Brian get rocked out. 🤞🤞🤞

So this vote seems so simple, its like kinda amazing for once. Last tribal had so much deceit and lying to get Nathan out and this tribal is like. so. quiet? you could literally hear a pin drop. Maynor and Anna seem like they have legit given up trying to get further, with both apparently voting for the other. How quiet it is is making me slightly nervous, but I do know that if i do somehow leave i am very proud of my game I have played. and I will have the same placement as Standrea so like nothing could be wrong with that huh?

The vote ties, 3 votes Maynor and 3 votes Sharky.

Im died. It worked but now here is hoping for matt or brian to flip. Im scared n excited.

bro... wtf. Can I say I am mad at Bryce? no not really I saw this coming from a mile off, hell even from the other side as the Atlantic. so like mad? nah? Its just... making me so sad. Like I REALLY DO NOT want to go home, i've been through too much to get to this point. But like,... I REALLY love sharky as a person. Like, I love him loads so this is a REALLY hard decision. Fuck my life I don't know what to do

I HATE REVOTES. SO. MUCH. i AM REFUSING TO TELL ANNA ANYTHING cause i like know she will immediately run to sharky and if I am to flip I am gonna tell him first not let him hear via Anna cause that is fucking SHADY. she's just pissing me off tbqh and its just like??? at least be cordial and get off invisible for fucking once

i think the plan worked? it was so awk trying to talk to matt i felt bad but i hope he understands he said he did so! and like... idk its just so hm idk idk. hm. like brian and matt both prob gonna flip wooh. matt said i played well so maybe i did like i tend to never think i played well but maybe i did but maybe hes just lying so KJFSDHJFA wooh

BRIAN IS THE SKETCHIEST PERSON IVE EVER PLAYED WITH I JUST WANNA GO TO THE END WITH HIM BUT HES LITERALLY BACKSTABBING ME I WANTED HIM TO JUST 4-2 SHARKY BUT NO HE WANTED TO MAKE IT GO TO ROCKS TO FEEL BETTER OR WELL GO TO TIE NOT ROCKS AND NOW HES LIKE SORRY SHARKY HAS TO STAY LIKE NO HE ACTUALLY DOESNT HAVE TO STAY IF U VOTE HIM AND ANNA STOPS BEING FAKE AND TRYING TO KEEP HIM WHEN HES DONE NOTHING BUT LIE TO HER AHHHH THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING SJDKFHADSKJFHSDKJF DSHFKJADSHFKJADSHFKASJFHKADSJFHADSKJSKFHASDKJFHASKJFAHKJFS ps: i love everyone in this game... but in this moment? i was ATTACKED

It’s almost about that time. 20 more minutes. I am very nervous. I hope that Bryce and Annabelle stick with me and hope Matt or Brian flipped if not then at least go to rocks. Im really hoping that this move works. But this final 6. I ❤️ Annabelle. ❤️ Sharky. ❤️ Brian. ❤️ Bryce. ❤️ Matt. They are all awesome.

Brian is rocked out.

#episode #allmadhere

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