#idk it feels rushed at the end mabye it is?

[technicallymaximumkitty]

Happy Hotel

Swap au because everyone else is!

(playing more fast and loose with the lore more than a cheetah who can’t tie their shoes plz don’t get mad at me) 

***

Emily paced back and forth wearing the carpet in the TV studio thin. 

Seven years ago Emily was a seraphim, the seraphim in charge of keeping everyone in heaven happy. She was a good girl, always played by the rules, and did her job well. 

Seven years ago for the first time in history a sinner was redeemed right in front of her eyes. 

Seven years ago she started questioning the rules she used to blindly obey.

Seven years ago she fell.

Emily was the first fallen seraphim. She was clueless and scared if not for that redeemed sinner to lose paradise in the name of helping her keep safe in Hell. 

In Hell where the naked truth, the whole truth, was before her eyes. Hell, a cesspool of crime, hate, and abuse. Where angels would fly down once a year to rake up sinners as if they were a pest infestation. Her heart bleeds for the lost sinners, even if they were awful people, most of them didn't deserve such a fate. She would have said all sinners, if Hell had not jaded her heart. 

She wanted to help sinners, they were her people now, the seraphim had made their say. Yes heaven had cast her out, but that didn't mean sinners wouldn't benefit from paradise. As much as she was upset with heaven, she knew it would be better for any wayward sinner than the cards they were dealt now.

“Any more pacing and you’ll tear a hole through the carpet.” Emily snapped out of thought. Sir Pentious. The first redeemed sinner, and her closest friend. 

“Ah yes I just, suppose I'm nervous.” She gave a lopsided smile that crossed with a grimace. Who wouldn't be? By some stroke of miracle she got an interview with 666 news and finally an audience to share her idea with, the audience of all of Hell and not just her stuffed animals and Pentious. 

“Underssstandable yesss, but you’ll do fine i'm sssure of it.” Pentious smiled making his way towards Emily, “you have practiced thisss ssspeach for ssso long now that I would ssswear you recite it in you sssleep.” He smiled, placing his hands on Emily’s shoulders. 

Nodding Emily took a deep breath, “your right, I got this!” she smiled a small twinkle returning to her eye.

“I believe in you!” he spun the ex-seraphim around giving her a gentle shove in the direction of set, cheering with the gusto of a wife sending her husband off to war.

“Oh suck it up you little-*beep*” The camera was set to commercials and the news hostess spun her chair around stretching her legs before producing a pack of gum from her bosom. Cherri Bomb, spunky myspace queen turned new hostess with a fuse as short as her name would suggest. 

“Hello there, I'm Emily!” Emily smiled, holding her hand out for a shake. The cyclops rolled her eye before popping a bubble.

“No thanks, I don’t touch preps.” Cherri spun around in her chair before propping her feet on top of the desk. Emily gave a nervous chuckle before taking a seat of her own. Emily wanted to greet the co host but they were currently walking off a bomb explosion. She had to give it to sinners, they were very restant. 

“Thank you so much for seeing me, I'm so grateful.” Emily smiled, tapping her feet on the linoleum floor. Looking across the set she could see Pentious giving two thumbs up and a fangy smile. 

“F*** you bi*** the only reason why your on here is because otherwise we hafta’ cover that dooms day s*** again.” 

“Were on in three-”

Cherri shoved Emily out of the shot and kicked her feet to the floor, “and we are back!” She plastered on a huge smile giving bear claws to the camera. “And we are here with a guest! So Emmie,”

“It’s Emily-”

“fu** off!” Emily gulped as Cherri lit up a small cherry bomb, “anyways what is this biggest breakthrough idea that’s worth all of hell knowing about!” she smiled, chuckling the bomb at her coworker. 

***

A tall blonde demon skipped down the street humming wizard of oz showtunes, as if Hell was her playground. Skidding to a halt her curiosity was piqued. A not so small group of demons stood in front of a small TV and radio store staring at a very special episode of the news. 

Oh but what could this episode be about? It must be so interesting if everyone was curious about it. 

Standing in the shadows of the sinners she smiled to herself, something told her this was more than the normal slog of Hell’s gossip. 

***

“Well I,” She gulped, scanning the crowd. Pentious smiled, waving his arms in the air. It was obnoxious but it made her feel a bit safer. “So Hell has been at the mercy of angels for centuries and it’s so, so unfair.” 

“We already know that bi***.” 

“Yes, but what if there was a way to change that?” She smiled while holding a notebook towards the camera. The lined paper was covered in crayon and stickers with a step by step plan.

“I’d say you're delusional.” Huffed Cherri Bomb.

“But there is! You can escape Hell, all you have to do is redeem yourself!” She smiled flipping the notebook page to show a doodle of a stick demon turning into a stick angel. The studio was filled with a hush silence before everyone broke into hysterical cackling.

“Redeeming yourself? What a joke! What and all we gotta do is say please and thank you and eat all our veggies? Is that it? HA! This b**** comedy gold!” Cherri cackled, spitting her gum in Emily’s face. 

Emily’s face fell, what were they laughing? This wasn't how it was supposed to turn out. “But I'm serious, I really am!” She slammed her notebook down onto the news table trying to make her voice loud enough to break the giggling fit within the studio. “I even have proof it can work!” That made everyone shut up. 

“Oh ya? What proof?” Spat Cherri. Cherri was more than willing to entertain this delusion, she was just waiting for this to be clipped for memes the next day.

“Him! The first demon to be redeemed!” Emily pointed to Sir Pentious in the crowd. Every camera and eye in the studio whipped towards the snake, a spotlight even glowing behind him. Sir Pentious froze like a deer in the headlights.

“Then why is he down here?” someone from the crowd spoke up. 

“HAHA! OMG b****! Are you for real right now?” Cherri cackled spinning in her seat kicking her feet in the air. “This is better than a HotTopic membership! KAHAHA!” She squealed. 

Emily bit her bottom lip, she didn't know if she wanted to scream or cry, she hadn't even told everyone about the hotel yet! This isn't going like it was supposed to! “I-”

“Listen b**** your cute, fu**ing adorable even,” Cherri cooed pinching Emily’s cheek before shaking the ex-seraphims face, “but if you really think any of this is real, that snake boi over there is a redeemed sinner? Give me your dealer's number!” Cherri shoved Emily to the ground by her face. Gold trickled down Emily’s face, signaling a broken nose, but nothing hurt more than everyone mocking her. She was right! She was right! Why did no one believe her? 

***

The demon tilted her head, my how amazing indeed! She was glad she made time out of her day to watch this trainwreck. Perhaps she should bid this Emily a visit?

***

Emily and Sir Pentious were chased out of the studio shortly after their segamat ended. The night was ruined! And to top it all off their bikes were stolen because of course they were! The two of them ran all the way back to the hotel they had set up. Maybe hotel was a stretch. It was a duplex house with a downstairs home and an upstairs home. They revamped the basement so it was now three-ish houses. The only reason they could even afford such a place was because they claimed the cheapest house in money launders ave. 

Pentious opened the door for Emily as she dragged herself inside. Above the kitchen was a birthday banner flipped over with WELCOME scribbled on with fruit scented magic markers. The dining table had cupcakes in the tin waiting for the new residents that were supposed to show up.

“You did your bessst Emily! You really did, it’sss not your fault that everyone was against you!” Pentious gave a weak smile before handing a cupcake to Emily. Emily sighed, setting the sweet back on the table. She knew Pentious was trying to cheer her up, she was appreciative of it, but that didn't stop the pain of her ego getting curb stomped on live television. She collapsed on the moth-eaten loveseat of the living room. 

Pentious sighed, it really wasn't her fault, this was just hell being hell. Didn't stop him from worrying for his friends' well being. Before he could get too deep into thought there was a knocking on their door. His frill popped up in surprise. Wait, did someone just-

He swung the door open with a huge smile on his face before fear overtook his face. “YOUR MAJESTY!” he shrieked, giving a salute. Emily scurried up to the door only to freeze in place herself.

There in the doorway stood the princess of Hell herself, Princess Charlie Morningstar. The most powerful demon in all of hell after Lucifer’s sudden seven years absence. “May I come in?” she smiled, raising a hand in a wave. The second time that night Pentious froze, his eyes bulging out of his skull.

“Oh yes! Yes of course!” Emily squeaked running around the kitchen trying to find a chair for Charlie to sit in.

“Oh I must say this place is far more humble than I would imagine!” She smiled taking in the sights of mold slowly growing on the ceiling. 

“I-I must say I am more than honored to have the princess here at our hotel!” Emily squeaked, “but why?” 

“Why?” Charlie smiled, spinning towards Emily before throwing her arms in the air, “because you're singing my song sister!” she grabbed Emily’s hand before twirling her, “Redemption! Redemption! Redemption! Such a marvelous idea! Consider this an investment!” 

Emily’s eyes widen with stars, “wait are you saying-”

“Emily dear, I wish to help you with your endeavors to save our people!” Charlie cheered. Every part of Emily was now vibrating, there was no way! 

“Alright before we get down to business this isn't much of a hotel now is it?” 

“Yesss I, we diden’t-” Pentious stuttered, failing to make eye contact with the princess. Charlie flashed a huge grin before waving her hands.

“Let's fix that then, shall we?” With a wave of her hands everything was bathed in a candy apple red. Charlie spun around and sang as the furniture and building shifted and cracked turning into a now fully furnished two story hotel with an ever present apple motif. 

“Amazing-” Emily and Pentious were stunned. How? Why? 

“And let us not forget about the staff now!” Charlie smiled, spinning her way to the new and approved living room turned lounge. The two followed the princess in nothing short of awe.

Charlie kneeled in front of the TV. The air started to crackle and buzz as static filled the room, as if from the ring. Charlie reached into the TV before pulling out someone. This person tumbled from the electronic system. 

This person had a TV for a head as they jumped to their feet, “who, I, were, oh!” They smiled before bowing, “Princess Charlie!” 

“Vox!” She smiled while hugging the TV.

“What has you today?” Vox smiled. Charlie grabbed him by the shoulder twirling him to be face to face with Emily and Sir Pentious.

“Hi!” Emily squealed grabbing Vox’s hand, “Im-”

“Ah Emily, Sir Pentious, hey, hey, hey!” Vox smiled, giving the two of them brush handshakes. 

“How did you?” Pentious’s jaw dropped.

“Know? Oh, I see, everything.” Vox gave a large and slightly malicious grin as his face rippled with static. 

“Oh my.” Pentious gasped, not knowing what to do with that information.

Charlie skipped her way to the kitchen being tailed by Emily, who was now filled with nothing but admiration for the princess. 

Kneeling next to the cobbards Charlie pulled out a smaller woman, who barrel rolled into the bar. Wait when did they get a bar? Grabbing the woman by the collar of their shirt Charlie smiled, “this darling is Velvette!” Velvette could have been less thrilled as she played games on her phone, the pings of candy crush filled the room. 

“Hello Velvette!” Emily smiled, only greeted with a slight hum. 

“Vox is going to be our bendtner and Velvette is going to be our maid! And now we need guests!” Charlie threw her hands into the air Emily bracing herself for something cool to happen. 

The front door swung open. “Hey’a toots.” there stood Angel Dust a fluffy spider dressed in a sparkly pink and white suit.

“Angel!” Charlie cheered, giving the spider a bear hug.

“What have you got for me now?” Angel purred.

“I just have a teensy tiny itty bitty little favor for you, please?” Charlie gave large puppy dog eyes and a pouty lip. 

“Not like I have a choice do I?” 

Charlie giggled, “your our first guest at this-” She bent backwards to face Emily, “what is this place called?” 

“Oh!” Emily gasped with stars in her eyes, “I-I don’t know.” springing herself forward Charlie was now face to face with Angel Dust again, “the Happy Hotel!” she cheered creating a sparkly rainbow with her magic.

“Charming.” huffed Angel making his way to the lobby before draping himself on the couch, “how long am I in here for?” 

“Oh! Well, until I say so.” Charlie shrugged with a large smile, “and she should be here in three, two, one-”

A loud barrage of bullets greeted everyone's ears as the left wall blew up.

“Darling!” Charlie cheered at the woman standing in the rubble of the explosion. 

“Babe!” She smiled running to Charlie as the two spun around in a huge hug.

“And guest number two, my darling dear Vaggie!” Charlie smiled. Veggie in question has a grey and pink cameo outfit with a matching, well worn helmet. The helmet had a red bow tied around the sweatband and the words born in Hell scrawled in glitter glue on the side. A few bullets stuck under the ribbon. 

“I-I can’t say i'm not grateful, Im, I'm in debt to you!” Emily smiled with tears in her eyes, “but why? What, what do you want?”

Charlie bound her way over to the ex-seraphim before grabbing her hands, “let me put this in words we all understand.” She smiled. Vaggie rolled her eyes. “Here we go-”

“~you have a dream, your here to tell about a wonderful fantastic new hotel~

~Yes it’s one of a kind, right here in hell, ment to redeem clientele~”

***

I have no clue if i'm gonna carry on past the pilot but man are my ideas buzzing; anyways more notes!

Charlie owns Angel’s souls the same way Alastor did Husk

Lute takes Emily’s place, Nifty takes lute’s place

Adam is still adam lol

Vox and alastor still have beef because I can

Alastor is known as the big three as he has control over radio, tv, and gaming

Husk is still ex overlord of gambling and is still Al’s favorite play toy

Husk is gonna pull a pentious (as in join the hotel not die!)

This was not created to spread Emily and Pentious BFF propaganda I swear-

Vaggie is a sinner 

Charlie is doing this because she genuinely want to help but everyone thinks she is sketchy probably nothing to do with lucifer's seven year abastent nooooo 

Sinner Vaggie was created based off the full metal jacket poster (haven't watched the movie) and the dirty harry music video (gorillaz, two special interests with one stone ba-BY!)

Idk if im gonna switch anyone else’s role

Sera will still be Sera and I will do Sera slander until season two and we get her tragic backstory and then I’d feel bad for the Sera slander

Cherri is a scene queen and tom trench is still bullies on set lmao

#hazbin hotel #charlie morningstar #angel dust #hazbin hotel husk #sir pentious #emily hazbin hotel #vaggie hazbin hotel #charlie x vaggie #swap au #fairy godmother charlie fairy godmother charlie fairy godmother charlie- #cannon to the wind #WOOH! #idk it feels rushed at the end mabye it is? #should I put this on ao3? #uwu #silly