#i’ve never felt a dream that made me feel so dizzyingly desire mad i feel more brightly insane just thinking about it

[lepertamar]

.

#(the opposite of organizational tags are #echo tags: #) #and the self-laughing half-bowing half-curtseying to yourself standing with your song as you learn this learn it yet again #what intensity of extremity-of-its-kind creature i wish i had laid eyes upon years ago #i’ve never felt a dream that made me feel so dizzyingly desire mad i feel more brightly insane just thinking about it #it is the whole glory of life to be stamped with this Truth: YOU LIVED. desires lit and seals set from your world and lifetime ARE LIFE. of #ofcourse i@always had starson the insides ofmi eyelids about ‘we who wrestle with g-d’ but secretly even from other jews i have #‘wrestle and overcome and mount g-d like a bitch in heat BECUZ they are beautiful and powerful and huge and terrifying and everything’ #‘surely They must laugh in glee if we ever truly succeed in doing so????’ #what starts as resilience falls in love and symbiosis with what you were long-sufferingly wrestling with #all the truest parts of me blushedswollen in reaction and anticipation #the personal mythology of a human lifesoulminddesire is so so So intricate and full of willful implacable unanswerable power about what #infinitely complex and mysterious that no one else can fathom them with a mere violent and erasing dismissal about ‘u’ vs 'society' #we have reached heights far beyond the tower of babel but it is this thirst for understanding that marks us as like unto g d #being born and living. the truth of your longings are stamped like a seal upon your heart in ways so unique and precious and secret and #could be i am her.....i will sell it for no less than a third of your names....argghhh! #but is actually existing as the flaming friction intensity made in the grinding of extreme power #as a jew i say 'b'tzelem elohim' (in the image of g d') + ''ehyeh asher ehyeh' (i am that i am = i will be whatever i will be') #paradoxes and puzzles and wry defeats....they are everything #in a clever paradoxical twist of ponderinghood....what’s the term for it #this is what g-d says to Itself before laughing Itself into a manic break #coal sings #and if u don’t vibe u pivot to projecting and accuse this girl of making demands by dint of being visibly mutilated by a violent crazy #mystical thing she did that brands her as the type of person who likes that and is ruined irrevocably by a thing only insane(tm) people do— #— g d and tamar talking to each other while tamar is standing in the middle of the street with motorbikes honking at her— #this is what i meant in that post about gd being psychotic and the creation of the universe the reintegrative fusion ignition #this is one of my favorites...the casually incongruous lights going about their way is such a familiar and happy memory #yessssss.....infinity opened inside your body. a wormhole or a new big bang that you expand into. rich and dense and glittering. #in the occasional best case scenarios it allows your soul to blast and flower into its whole size and shape and you know its dimensions.

[lepertamar]

thinking like a long repeating prayersong cantillation: tamartamartamartamar........she is so big-in-herself, so marked-with-herself, but more than that or perhaps actually the reason for that or because of that or both in am ourosbourous: so truthful-to-herself. preceding her Looking at the face of G-d as she rares up erezel plateau wantingwantingwanting, in the moment she begs G-d to let her see, and in every thought and word and act she makes even years afterwards — she is so truthful-to-herself, an infinitely singularity-intense honestysureness in what she knows even if the only single tiny needle-slender thing she knows is that she does want, because she Will Not lie to herself either by omission by denying the want she does know, nor by commission in making up untruthful ideas to fill those yawning embarrassing gaps of of why does she want and who she is who wants, that she doesn’t know.

and it is this infinitely full-in-herself, condensed-in-herself, truthfulness to herself that makes her like unto G-D.

#girl with burned out and still burning eyes #gd is the aorta and the vena cavas #j #the stars that rise at dawn #questioning ht and lt tag for me #echo tags: #i’ve never felt a dream that made me feel so dizzyingly desire mad i feel more brightly insane just thinking about it #coal sings