#i wrote this half asleep on the car ride home and theres smthn here i like but i just cant name which part

[tojisun]

jealous simon but it’s in a self-destructive way.

how he isolates himself and forces his own desires into the yawning of his heart so that they won’t see the light of day because he knows, more than anyone else, how he doesn’t deserve you. and so he would rather burn with the ferocity of his unreturned love than burden you with his devotion.

how he draws away from the easy companionship that you two have; what were once hour-long phone calls peter into minutes of checking in, until they simmer into sparse messages. sometimes you two won’t even talk for months.

how he begins to avoid you. he misses out on cafe dates or movie nights, or hangs out with the squad almost everyday.

how he burrows at his safe house—he hasn’t been home (withyouwithyouwithyou) for months now.

he thinks time will fix him. he thinks distance will do him some good, but—

“please,” you whimper, voice trembling with the weight of your heartbreak. “please, just talk to me.”

(you are just as beautiful as he remembered.)

simon digs his fingernails into his palms, hoping that the stinging of his skin hurts more than the pain swelling in his heart.

of course it doesn’t; nothing will hurt more than leaving you.

and simon knows this, but—

“there’s nothing to talk about,” he finally replies, forcing the nonchalance in his voice. he fakes a smile. “what’s got you worryin’, huh?”

your lips wobble. “how could you?”

“c’mon,” is all what simon could force out, ignoring the way his tongue feels like it’s sticking to the roof of his mouth. “y’ve got no reason to be throwin’ a tantrum like this, kid.”

he sees the moment your hackles rise, hurt bleeding into fury.

“oh, fuck you, riley,” you spit out, vitriolic in the way it dribbles from your snarling lips.

(your anger will be the last memory that simon has of you. he knows he will regret this moment.

he already is.)

but—

this—you, leaving him, and him, forcing it all to fall apart—is for the best.

#i wrote this half asleep on the car ride home and theres smthn here i like but i just cant name which part #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost riley #suns #q