#i wish i could be normal

[miscellaneoussmp]

Hey guys, try not to think about how some of Pac's main trauma responses are denial and dissociation. Try not to think about Pac hearing about Tubbo's death from Fit, who is very much in denial. Try not to think about the denial feedback loop they'll create together.

#qsmp #qsmp pac #qsmp fit #qsmp tubbo #qsmp morning crew #i wish i could be normal

[spock-in-awe]

yaaaaaaalllllll, i'm parasocial as hell because i look at who Ethan follows on IG and guess what... he now follows Merriam Webster. i am having an abnormal reaction to this.

#ethan #parasocial hijinx #i wish i could be normal #ethan peck

[thy-cocoa-doth-grow-cold]

chat I'm still going fucking insane

he LIKES ME bro. what the flip. I didn't think this was possible. nothing feels real gang like bro he's my BOYFRIEND now what the heck man ! he just knows that I like him and I know that he likes me and I don't have to hide my feelings or anything and I can be close to him and what the fuckkkkkkkk. six months of liking this boy paid off and I'm still so happy but I just can't fathom this. this doesn't happen to me. six months of laying in bed rereading our messages while listening to mitski but now instead of rotting in what I thought were unrequited feelings I get to care and be cared for.

#im completely perplexed #i wish i could be normal #i contain my insanity around other people but as soon as it hits the scrolling hour i become a foul beast #GANG HE LIKES MEEEEEEEE #hes so fucking cute and funny and smart bro i still can't believe this #like we went on a DATE #saw a movie n shit #got boba #genuinely my dream date #I've never done anything like that before but with him it felt so natural and just RIGHT and avifdhyrbjfbju #i have a BOYFRIEND #i actually like this boy so much this can't be normal #i mean it's not like we're strangers #we were friends for a year before my massive fucking crush started #and now i know him so well n he knows me and it's great and im so happy gang #cri #on a mission to be the best gf ever now bro

[tayloralison]

not my coworker saying this is the happiest they have seen me

#I wish i could be normal

[gorillaxyz]

i wish autism didnt make making + having friends so hard

#txt #i wish i could be normal

[charliethinks]

i ate. now i feel bad.

#i hate it here #i wish i could be normal

[itsnotalemon]

I'm going to explode

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO FIND RESOURCES FOR BUILDING SELF CARE HABBITS AS AN AUTISTIC ADULT???

PLEASE I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT HELPS OTHER AUTISTIC ADULTS BUILD A HABIT FOR BRUSHING YOUR TEETH

But every FUCKING search is like!!! How to get your autistic child to brush their teeth!!! Fun fact, I don't have mommy and daddy to play with me in the bathroom to make a horrible sensory experience seem fun

HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE

Also, if I see another fucking article from autism speaks while trying to learn how to take care of myself I'm going to start mailing bombs xoxo

#im trying so hard to find a task to pair it with but i cant seem to find anything #cuz pairing one task with another is how i get a lot of chores that i hate done #like #if i do laundry i play on my xbox while i wait #if im cleaning my fish tanks i get to listen to my radio really loud #if i take a shower i listen to music so i can time myself #and stuff like that #but idk what to pair ot with #music would be too overwhelming #theres not something that needs to be cleaned like laundry multiple times a day #i used to brush my teeth in the shower and then after that i was able to transition to brushing my teeth outside of the shower #but only after i took a shower #but now showering is a difficult task for me im only just building a habit with again #RAUGH #i wish i could be normal #i wish easy things were easy for me #lemon post

[toucansafari]

when i am upset about something that is, in the grand scheme of things,small and sort of insignificant (but highly significant to me) and someone tries to comfort me by saying it’s not a big deal or “be happy it’s only-” i only feel worse because i start to wonder if i am stupid for feeling so strongly about something so small (which doesnt seem small to me but small to everyone else).

it makes me want to smother my strong feelings about things in general because i constantly feel like i am being too much. (which totally might be the case, but i cant help but feel so)

i’d rather have someone get mad at my behalf (or get mad because they also think it’s a big deal) but that’s not what usually happens. i know people are trying to be nice and tell me that it’s only a pebble while it could have been a big rock. but for me the pebble feel as heavy as the universe itself. especially when i see pebbles everywhere.

it’s the same when i get excited about something and no one else does, because then i feel like an idiot for being so hyped about something that’s evidently not a big deal for everyone else. i know i mustn’t worry about these things and do what i want anyway but it’s like being on the wrong side of the boss in an aoe (while everyone else is on the safe zone) and i feel like soon i will be burnt because of it.

i know these are somewhat irrational thoughts but of late i’ve been feeling them more and more.

#rambling again #dont read it's just me being emo #yeah this is about yesterday #and how that one scene was spoilt for me in chat #it feels sooooo insignificant #but it made me so irrationally upset #it's also about how hyped i was for 6.4 and my sister didnt share it #i feel like an idiot at times because of things like this #i wish i could be normal #i would trade anything to be normal #to like things in moderation #to be patient and easygoing #i want to fling those pebbles far away

[nervousyoungtwinfantasydog]

i didn’t want you to hear that shake in my voice

my pain is my own

#vent #actually borderline #tired of feeling like this #tired of ppl comparing me to their shitty exes who also happened to have bpd #tired of trying to convince said ppl that i’m NOT a manipulative shitty asshole #tired of hiding symptoms and feelings from ppl bc bpd recovery is only abt making urself more palatable to ppl #rather than dealing w the core issues #tired of being too much but also never enough #tired of fighting and struggling #tired of losing ppl and being the villain in everyone else’s story #tired of feeling so exhausted all the time #tired of dreading waking up #tired of being me #i just wish i could envision a future for myself #i wish i could be normal #and have normal relationships and a normal family #i want a normal peaceful life #and every goddamn day it’s another uphill battle #whatever #probably won’t make it to the end of the year anyway #tf does it matter

[movedtodykedvonte]

develops OCs to advance plot in the cold emails au, develops OCs to advance plot in the cold emails au, develops OCs to advance plot in the cold emails au, develops OCs to advance plot in-

#cold emails au #the plot I have is incomprehensible #I wish I could be normal #utdr

[artisticmenace]

ive got the embarassed sim moodlet and for what

#artisticmenace #themenaceuseswords #help mee #like wtffff #i wish i could be normal #FINALLY a friend who likes the same shit and my parents were like “HE???? DOES THIS ONE HAVE A DICK??? YOU CLEANED YOUR ROOM FOR A GUY???” #like. no. and also it was a good excuse for me to clean my room. an excuse for myself. otherwise i wouldve left it all there. #like i can invite cool trans people to my house and be mildly uncomfortable with seeing the disarray that was caused by my yearly depression #i can think people are cool and be excited and not like them like that #LIVING IN THIS WORLD IS HARD #SOMEONE SHOULD SEND ME TO A PLACE WHERE I AM THE STANDARD FOR NORMALCY #AUUUGHHH

[selescope]

🧍

#i wish i could be normal

[philosophical-daisies]

I don't get it. So much horrible stuff is happening today, but making someone else upset on the internet is what makes me hunch over and cry. Possibly the least consequential thing on my part, but it hurts me so much to know that I hurt someone else. All the other shit is imposed onto me exclusively, victimless beyond myself. But now, now there's another victim. Someone that I aspire to, someone that I care for, someone that has feelings that matter. I know what it's like to be hurt, and yet when I get hurt, I lash out at people. I make them feel how I do. That's not the right thing to do, and on a macro level, I understand that, but as soon as I have to apply that in a situation, it just doesn't happen. I forget whatever morals are applicable, or at least don't notice that they ARE applicable. It's not right. I just hurt the both of us. I don't get it.

#ooc #I hate myself so much right now #I wish I could be normal

[oars]

#i feel like tge fact im apprehensive about posting this is kinda proving my point #the way everyone talks about both weight gain and weight loss is just horrendous #like idek if i could fit all i wanna say in here especially while im at work but #i so badly wish people could be normal about weight gain and talking about it #its like if youre not in some constant state of wanting to lose weight people want to kill you #god forbid you want to put on weight to feel more comfortable in your body outside of muscles and a butt #fatphobia is a given thats a whole other few paragraphs #im grateful i have mutuals and friends who are normal but ill have or hear these convos and go #ok i feel sick. why do i feel this way why do you feel that way. #anyways i think fatphobia is one of the worst things to ever happen

[vilf]

Haven’t posted much today. Actually Yes I have i justdelete it so fast. Im busy combatting deep self hate & many other things

#⚰️ #i wish i could be normal

[flwffzz]

i don’t think people realize autism sucks bc i do something i don’t even realize i did, or i say something that someone takes as the worst thing ever; and suddenly my whole world is crashing down on me

i like don’t understand anything i don’t realize i do the things i do or say the things i say i don’t understand and i feel so behind.

i jsut want to be a good person but it’s so hard when it feels like you’ve been destined to be a bad one. i try so hard and it always bites me in the ass. i wish i was normal

#vent #autism #i do not deserve to be alive #literally growing up i lost friends bc i’d say stuff without realizing how they’d take it #i feel like i’m crazy #i wish i could be normal #and hyperfixtations have almost ruined multiple relationships #like why can’t i just enjoy things a normal amount #why does it consume my life #why do i say things #why am i even here