#i went on a great first date and to my first mosh pit (even tho it was an indie band?)

[harrylights]

.

#ok so reflection time #i’ll be honest i didn’t listen to fitf right away bc i had just gotten out of treatment and i was scared to listen to ANY new music that #might trigger any sad emotions and send me spiralling lmao but ! #this time last year i was just starting to settle into myself #i went on a great first date and to my first mosh pit (even tho it was an indie band?) #and even tho i don’t rly talk to the person i went on the date w anymore that night will always be so special to me #i went w my bestie too and it was just such a stark reminder of the beauty in life #and when i did finally listen to fitf #it honestly changed me #i was so overwhelmed w pride for louis #like he’s come so far and the music he’s making is not only amazing subjectively #but feels so authentic to him (as much as i can tell that from not knowing him personally anyway) #and like genuinely i never could have guessed how great this album would be if you’d asked me to guess what his solo music would be like #when 1d ended and just #so so grateful for this album and the people it’s brought me closer to #hearing most of it live was insane and amazing and i’ll never forget it ever ever ever #thank u louis for making music ur way and blessing us all w it #the community at large is obviously not perfect but there are some parts of it that just take my breath away #the sense of belonging i felt at his show #unparalleled #he has a way of making ppl feel safe enough to just be themselves #and i admire that so much #when i think about the kind of person i wanna be that’s the first quality that comes to mind #so so grateful rn #ty universe ily #rowyn rambles

[myvelouri]

I requested off work for today 3 weeks in advance. Sam said she was gonna come to the metal concert. But she flaked. Oh well. Fuck her I guess. Idk. But Jay came! I loved it

He's very sensitive and gets pissy. He's kind of an ahole

But we went to warehouse live to see these bands. It was for Chelsea grin. It was great

A lot of "my people" were there. Like. Alternative! Of course. SO MANY GORGEOUS GIRLS THAT ARE MY TYPE. I was in the pit and this girl looked at me and smiled twice at me. I could have gotten her number. And as you know, at these venues you get to walk around during when bands are setting up. So I walked around and there was so many fucking hot girls that kept making eye contact with me!! I was like wtf am I hot? Again? Lol! It was insane. Even after the show when I went barhopping with Jay! Girls kept checking me out HARD! PROLONGED EYE CONTACT, DOUBLE EYE CONTACT, SO MUCH!

so I met Jay's friend Maura, he met her through tinder but they're friends. They haven't ever fucked. She's actually gorgeous wtf wow how do I not get matches like that, lol. I don't actually have a tinder tho.

Anyway she was cool. Her credit card got jacked but she fixed it and figured it out. She got crushed in the mosh pit too. She's cute and tiny. We were gonna bar hop with her after the concert and we totally did. I also ran into a girl who I knew from OkCupid a long time ago. I never fucked her. But she wanted me bad. Lmao. She actually knew Maura. LOL.

I felt mean kinda just dismissing that girl. She's cool tho. Idk

Um

Lol

So I finally got buzzed and we drank at the place where Jay and maura agreed to. I started getting silly. Bunch of other people at the table they knew but slowly they left. Lmao. It was jus me, Maura and Jay left. I killed the big beer someone left for Maura. Oof. Got me good

We went to Niels bar. It's like an arcade. Well, me and Maura started getting very close. Another one of her friends added me on her Facebook earlier and Maura was like "did you get me too?!" And I gave her my phone and I have itachi from naruto as my keyboard for my phone! And she goes "omg is that an anime background keyboard?" And I said ya. And she lit up. She was so into me lol. She was hype. And she asked if I liked horror anime. She said a name of one and she said she's gonna message me the name of it! I was surprised a girl was so interested me that she even said she'd message ME? LOL. GIRLS GHOST ME. WTF? shocked. And shocked I was checked out a lot. I had my black tank top on, grey beanie, skinny black jeans and my chain. Idk. Cute I guess.

Used to be cuter.

Anyway me and Maura started joking around hard. Somehow we talked about Deftones and she loved them HARD like I do and it was easy for me to keep talking and joking with her and she was amazing. I could date her. I could totally. We are almost the same. I'm so shocked. And she's gorgeous. Oh lmao her friend made out with her. Two girls. She made out with Britney. Lmao Brit was hitting on me and Jay too. But she was drunk

Um so Jay was on the table with me and Maura and me and her were just going off together. And I think I made him feel like a third wheel but he has a girl right now... And I already asked him if he wanted to pursue Maura and he said kinda but not really but kinda. So I felt like it was unfair. I felt dumb for not getting a lot of those other girls numbers. I only meet those gorgeous alternative babes that love metal like me at these places. Godamnit I'm dumb. I was just too sober to do it.

Uh

So as I joked with Maura, called her a dork, talked about exes and everything. I tried to get her to play a game with Jay. But Jay went off and played with another guy. As I'm having a good time with Maura, Jay texts me very salty stuff like "yeah kinda hard to get with a girl when you keep saying shit to her first" and I felt bad. Guilty. But.. she was into me. I can't help that. Jay is adorable btw. But she just was into me. Cause we have a lot in common. I um

I, idk why I can't remember the specific convos. I eventually got Jay and maura playing together. I got some hot funions from the vending machine and shared them with Jay and maura. I fed Maura lol. I'm a flirt. But I tried to feed jay too to make it even LOL but he didn't want that. I started fucking with Maura and shoved a funion in her nose hahahahaha. Then a lil later another one but I said I'ma shove it in her other nostril. And then I told her to come close, and I bit it out of her nose and ATE IT HAHAHA

then I got one in her mouth and said I'ma eat it out of her mouth. I said "but hey we're going to end up kissing" and lol. I did... Idk if she kissed back much but we were both aware that Jay would be upset. Um. I only did that when Jay wasn't there btw.

I talked to her about it too.

I could have gotten with her. I want her as a friend. She's incredible. So much in common and open af!

So we drove back together in separate cars and we took care of her cause she had a headlight missing and she wasn't sober so she can't afford being pulled over. And Jay drove in front and I drove behind her. It was nice

He called me and said he's gonna have her come smoke at her place. And that was my queue to leave them. And he apologized for being salty earlier. I didn't want to ruin our friendship so I let him have her. I really wanted her. but... I don't know. It felt like the friendship was more important

So I did that.

Um

I just

I wanna see Maura again... Tbh.

She was amazing

I drove to my hometown bar and met my regulars there. I told Sherwood and he said I'm an attractive dude. Uh later they said I was hit with the ugly stick and not America's next top model. Ha.. I guess.. that sucks ha.. thank you? Lol...

Ow..

Anyway

I uh

I don't know

So many pretty babes tonight! I am stupid for not talking to any

The show was amazing though wow

I want to start a band so badly

Um

I spent way too much money this week. I'm in debt ugh.

I can't tell you how many girls gave me eye contact and smiles. Wow. It lit me up. I felt so pretty

I haven't had that since like a few years ago

I'm not super fine I guess but I'm pretty I guess. Idk. I just don't understand how attractive I am or am not. I'm so confused about that.

Maura talking about Deftones and the song sextape made me go Gaga. Lol

Um

Idk if Jay even got with her in the end. And he won't tell me

Grr

I feel dumb

I'm too nice... Too caring.

I can't believe the chemistry between me and maura. Lol.

#personal