#i want easy i'm tired

[trans-cuchulainn]

i'm sorry i'm not being fun enough on my personal blog which is the only place on the internet i get to just be a person and not have to be professional because it's the only place my colleagues and employers don't follow me but also i'm not sorry because sometimes being grumpy is part of being human and i'm so goddamn tired of having to perform perfection on the internet

#personal #like. yeah. on a good day i would have given a longer and more thoughtful response to the arthuriana ask #but also sometimes you hit a point where you're like. i've said this. i've written this post. it's in the tag already #i don't know what more people want from me that i haven't already given. i can't keep writing the same essays again #i'm not mad at the asker but i also can't do Free Academia On Demand at all times you know? #particularly when arthuriana isn't even my area of research specialism #i am pretty much always happy to answer ulster cycle asks because i always learn something from researching the answers #(or i already know the answers so they're very easy) #but stuff outside of that just feels like work after a while and sometimes i do not have the spoons #i am very glad of cicelythereaper's response. i recommend reading that one. #i'm sorry i couldn't be the one to give it on this occasion but lads. i am so fucking tired #i have so many jobs i have so many chronic illnesses i am so behind on everything in my life

[felizusnavidad]

i'm going home tomorrow & i'm so excited to see my family, i really missed them

#also my mom told me some time ago that i'm really brave & i shouldn't give up #but i don't feel brave i feel tired #so basically i had three different jobs this year #first one i quit because i hated it & it was too chaotic #i got fired from the second one after over a month because apparently i was too nice #now the third one i know is just temporary because it's similar to the one i quit last year #and it's only because i need money so i can't stay jobless #my situation is kinda fucked up because i live here alone so i have to pay rent #and i really don't want to go back to my parents #i know i can but i wanna stay here #i've been working so hard to move to my favourite city and i want to start studies here this year i just can't give up #so i just took the job i didn't want #and i keep looking for something i might actually like #but god i'm tired #i feel like the biggest fucking failure #i just need a normal fucking job jesus why is it so hard #i don't want to work with customers anymore i hate people #and i also want to earn a little more money because trust me it's not that easy to live fucking alone #i mostly spend my money on food cause unfortunately i have to eat #but i'm not interested in just surviving i really want to start feeling alive again #ugh #talking shit for the hell of it*

[xolaanii]

OPEN COMMISSIONS!

Like you can probably see on the slides I no longer have a scholarship for several stupid university sanctioned reasons, one of them being my age and the number of family members in my house having gone down 1 person (by all means you'd think this would obviously be worse financially but oh well lmao). However all I'm missing is the money for my last 3 months of my master's + some help for my mom's meds (this is one hell of a long story i know i won't even go into details dcbds) so what I hoped I'd be able to do was this to see if it helps some.

INFO

at the moment i will only do ocs (one at a time), no furries or mecha. i can however do fantasy races like elves, orcs and that whole shebang. will also draw animals, environments and non realistic styles as well.

no explicit stuff pls and not because i'm against it it's just that skin takes longer to shade than clothes for me (stupid i know dbdvbhk when i finish my thesis i might go there)

payment up front preferably through ko-fi but we can do paypal too

ko-fi: ko-fi.com/vorskra

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED

please simply dm me on this here blog and tell me exactly what kind of commission you are interested in

include detailed description and some references like your own art, other art, picture refs, picrew, etc

i will then decided if you've gotten the slot and we will answer back and we can work out all the details in full through these dms

i will only have 3 slots at a time but if there is a more interested than expected i will be adding people to a waiting list for later contact

once i start to work i can take up to a month or so due to being pretty busy with my master's thesis and soon my graduation from said masters

only pay when you get the slot

IT'S FINISHED NOW WHAT

post it to your hearts content, use it for icons, banners or hide it away in a deep dark cave where even gollum can't find it. please just do not for some reason resell it or take credit for it.

THANK YOU

thank you so much for your time if you checked out this post, i'd really appreciate any and all help you can give including a simple boost of this post! For payments or if someone just wants to help my ko-fi is right here. Thank you so, so much again ily xoxo

#digital commisions #art commissions open #hope i'm not overpricing or anything #i'm so sorry for this and the long story in the beggining but like i was about to get a job #the client was like 'yeah i want her to do it' and then this coordinator was like nah she can't and i was like???? yes i can #and she basically ruined me for this year #i'm trying to see if i can get another job asap but it's so hard #anyway hi i'm very shy but i will be easy to work and spitball ideas and refs with #this is very scary but uh yea #and i'm sorry for the long waiting times i'm just really busy and i get tired but i will put my whole p*ssy into drawing your ocs #p: mine #mine: art #vall art #my take me a bit to answer dms since i will be going out rn but uh #toodles ig!! i'm very nervous

[twilightarcade]

oc-tober day 27 - monster!

#notwordswordstag #anyways we're so fucking back. Sorry for missing literally a third of the month goodlord #bweirdOCtober #oc-tober #ok idk what i want as a caption all significant thoughts are going into tags today #we missed friends week because of That. Luckily every week is friends week when I'm around #doing that.. hopefully this week? That said it /is/ halloween so it might leak over #anyways monster au.so funny 2 me like what if everything was the exact same except they we freaky little creatures #wouldn't that be fun. The answer is yes. I am having fun #maaaan i was supposed 2 draw something else I think. Here we are anywyas #didn't think about it too much #erm.. in terms of life news? may pick up the saxophone. For like 2 seconds. #or i'll teach myself piano that would be fun (and relatively easy given. Piano) #who knows. Maybe we'll do nothing. #but what if i'm REALLY good at sax. What if it's actually my true calling. Clearly not a flute player. #Man I hate the flute #ok im tired besties bye 4ever 🫶🫶🫶🫶

[carefulfears]

and the fact that mulder cries a lot makes me want to cuddle him forever 😭😭

everything is so hard for him all of the time!! i love him.

#i love that he cries on screen so much #it means so much in terms of characterization of male heroes that i'm too tired to get into right now #but i also think of when my friend ali talked about how like...what a show of vulnerability it is #in those moments he isn't the invincible protagonist who always charges forward and always makes it out #he's traumatized and he's SENSITIVE and things do not come easy to him. he's afraid. he's lonely. #that ending shot of reduxes just knocks me breathless every time because that IS what it feels like. #that IS what success or barely making it through or 'the best news ever' feels like sometimes #earlier in the ep when he comes to scully's room and she's asleep and he just SOBS next to her. trying to muffle his cries in his hand #so he doesnt wake her. and the next day he's like :) oh i stopped by last night :) didn't want to disturb you :) #it's like actually haunting. and there is no part of THAT that is a heroic crusader. #when everything is 'okay' in the end and everyone is in the room RIGHT BEHIND HIM celebrating and he cries again...god. #it's like the tags i referenced yesterday talked about. it just all hits him at the same time. #there is never any respite on this show even when there's a miracle

[ridiculously-over-obsessed]

I swear, this is the last ever New Year that I ring in with people who don't value me or my time and efforts. This is the last year that I spend the holidays etc feeling utterly despondant and miserable. This is the last time I spend the 2 weeks that encompass Christmas, New Years, and my birthday with my cunt of a mother and sister. They have had almost 25 of them in some way or another, and this is their last. I'm done.

#max rambles a lot #pissed off exhausted and ready to go to bed now tbh #i worked really hard to try and make the most of the fact that i'm stuck with them #i bought us some fun card games for xmas to try and give us something to do together #and they just half heartedly sulked through it and then pissed off upstairs again less than an hour later #i'm done trying and i'm done caring #if i'm ringing in the new year by myself then so be it #seems a fitting end to this crap shoot of a year tbh #like it would be one thing if i was choosing to spend it by myself #but yeah i've put a lot of effort into trying to make the best out of this and they just both fucked off #mums watching whatever bs tv show she like this week and furthering her emotional affair with a married man #my sister who said she was tired and wanted a nap is actually on a discord call and yelling and laughing and screaming with her friends #so yeah fuck em i'm done making an effort to make things nice or easy or whatever #fuck 2023 tbh what an absolute cunter of a year #gonna make myself a drink and see if i can write anymore of this current chapter of tmwyh(icfit) #might get it out in the first couple of days of 2024 who knows #anyway happy new year ig

[constellationcrowned]

Everyone needs to read this post please and thank you!!

Rather than make a poll about this ongoing issue that's impossible to parse bc I can't see who picked what specifically I'll do this another way: Help me help you by telling me why you don't actively interact. I post and reblog plenty of content all day every day that can be sent in, utilized, etc and it's crickets from ya'll all of the time and that's frustrating af and we need to work things out.

It'd be a different situation if I never offered stuff like calls or what have you; that'd be my bad and I'd need to work on being more proactive, but I'm already doing that and it goes nowhere. I'm constantly offering to help you guys---like right now, because I know the majority of you have read a post similar to this from me and you're gonna do it again---and I mean it every single time no matter how many times I offer it but on the flip side of things you guys need to actually take me up on what I'm offering.

I'm not offering to help merely for fun, you know? I'm offering to help because I understand that this shit can be difficult, it can be hard to talk to people, hard to interact with super niche fandoms and characters, and so on, and there's nothing wrong with having trouble but after a certain point if you continuously refuse to step out of your bubble or accept someone trying to help you the fear argument kinda loses validity, at least in regards to rp related stuff. I'm extending a hand and you need to fucking grab on because chances are the thing that's stopping you---be it you need help with the characters or the lore, you need me to type the first interaction, we need to have an ooc chat about what interests us, whatever it is---can be resolved but we need to fuckin communicate. I'm already meeting all of you halfway; honestly I've been meeting you guys more than halfway for awhile now, and now you need to step up and get in here.

Now does this mean that I'm going to stop offering to help, providing opportunities to interact through calls, memes, etc? Absolutely not. That would defeat the whole purpose and, again, I love offering such things and will continue to do so because it's not only part of what I need to do as a good rp partner I also enjoy doing so, plain and simple. All that I'm asking is that my mutuals (and yes, this applies to everyone, because even those who've followed me for months or years across multiple blogs fail to engage, it's not just newer folks) be more proactive in general. If I'm offering to help you or posting a call or whatever else? Engage. Ask questions. Send a meme. Tell me you want to interact even if you don't know how and we'll figure it out together. I'm tired of constantly chasing people or pulling proverbial teeth, especially when it's completely unnecessary. Communicate and engage with enthusiasm; both on your own and when I offer, and we'll be writing together in no time. Stop getting in your own way. Stop depriving yourselves. Let's have fun and actually fuckin write together.

#;;ooc: mun muttering #I'm going to start unfollowing people/breaking mutuals at this rate; I'm tired of the constant struggle #this was going to be longer but I wanted to keep the tone positive so tl;dr version it is #because I really am very very very very frustrated and this unfortunately isn't a new thing #you don't have to be perfect or engage with *everything* ofc (bc not everything works for everyone and that's fine) #but the constant dead silence no matter what I say or do or post? that isn't ok and shouldn't be a thing #so just be proactive and communicate; no matter how simple; and I'll work with you it's that easy #we're all here to write together so why aren't we? it doesn't have to be complicated

[lucyvaleheart]

it's a crime that I'm at work and not being some girls plaything getting my mind absolutely melted and turned off. im so much prettier when I'm whimpering and melting

#original #I'm so tired of existinggggggg #I want to stop working forever and ever and just fucking. suck a girl off under her desk every day #or something I don't care #be a stress toy? use me hit me squeeze me choke me? ill thank you. #ill be so shy and whimpery about it too if you want me to be #fuck. Why am I so stupidly desperate this last week it feels different than it has the last few months #hhhhh.... #......someone come melt my brains in dms it's not hard I promise just start teasing me for being all easy and cute and compliment me #I'll be a mess in seconds I promise I'll be such a pretty mess for you

[ardate]

Things are just so bleak man.

#vent #just me rambling #SO many fucking things #first off and maybe the least bad of all #that one studio that contacted me for a feature film turned me down ultimately #i WANT so dearly to work on features. it's what i want to do. but nobody will give me a chance #because they all want experience on features to work on features. well how do you guys think this works #i'm so tired of it and discouraged #but ultimately that's the least of the issues because #my usual studio is going under. they been struggling financially for years and the CEO did a special meeting to say it #they're lowering activity (one friday every two weeks is off to try and save money) and have 6 months to get back on their feet #which is nothing. they can't find producers willing to dump money in the studio in 6 months esp with ENOUGH to pull it out of the gutter #if they're not better off in 6 months the CEO said ''then ill get back to you with terrible news'' and didn't detail but we know. we know #it's basically said and done in my mind. my main studio as big as it was is crashing down. and idk what ill do. #i bought a flat in this city due to this studio being there- without it this place has no more work to offer me. empty city #job security doesn't exist anymore #and we all know why. producers are much more squeamish about investing in animation because ai is here #why would you give money to allow hundreds of workers to live and pour passion in projects when you can pay a pathetic percentage of that #with midjourney or whatever the shit and get an easy cheap show. rack in more money for smaller an investment #and tumblr is going down that route too. can't get a fucking break anywhere #i'm heartbroken and grieving the world we lost #in a bunch of years looking at art while 100% knowing a person made it with intent will be a memory #being able to not even think about it is already out of our hands #ai 'art' will be everywhere and it will become a new normal. and i'm just.. man. #the world feels so empty already

[strawberriesinmoominvalley]

anyway i think we as people need to become more comfortable with others identifying in conflicting ways. or just having any mildly conflicting traits. it is implicit in the nature of us as humans.

my actions are significant because they impact others. my actions are insignificant because we live in a massive universe where i don't matter. if human life in itself resides within being simultaneously significant/insignificant then it's no surprise we contain multitudes

#we are not schrodinger's cat! we do not have to be in a box to exist in two conflicting states! #idk where this came from #i'm just a bit tired of people trying to put others in a box and making them stay there #and i get it. i'm autistic. i like clearly labelled things. i like everything being easy to understand #but that is not the nature of life. even myself i am both autistic and adhd and have conflicting states #and we don't have to understand why people are the way they are #we can just move on! life is large and immense and we are small and that is incredible! #there is no permanent self and that is so cool! we are so free! why should we limit ourselves? #anyway this is probably a bit philosophical and pretentious #i just want to exist and not be questioned for it #you don't have to understand me. i don't have to understand you #ramblings

[blackberry-mochi]

TODAY IS KAIMA'S ANNIVERSARY (I mean………. technically on itch it tells me it was released at 12:30AM on the 24th, but official sources claim it was released on the 23rd, and frankly 12:30AM is basically still the previous day) SO HERE'S AN IMAGE OF (true) SEARINA USING THE UNUSED SPECIAL CALLED "Hug!" ON ILLI!!! (It's there in the code I promise. I didn't look but it's gotta be there. You just don't see it because the game ends right as soon as SEARINA gets her soul back.)

Replayed KAIMA before drawing this and wowza……. I forgot how much swearing there was in it, pff. It's charming in a way though. ANYWAY KAIMA (the game) GOOD HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO NEW KAIMA (the location)!!!!!

#KAIMA #SEARINA #ILLI #art #Genuinely went into drawing this with the mindset that I'd just scribble something simple and then oops 5 hours later I'm uploading this #THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE SIMPLE AND EASY BECAUSE THE PASTILLE IMAGE WAS TIRING..... #But I really liked drawing ILLI and SEARINA so what's a person to do except draw ILLI and SEARINA when they're fun to draw #I wanted to play video games........ But maybe tomorrow........ #ANYWAY HAPPY ANNIVERSARY KAIMA CONGRATULATIONS ON HAVING SO MUCH FRICKING CUSSING HOLY MOLY #Lots of fucks and shits....... We love it. #But we love ILLI and SEARINA and VIDO and yuri more #Not EZEL though #important to note #I mean if you love her then that's cool but unfortunately there is no refuge for such ideals in this image #You also can't love VIDO here because he's dead #But that guy deserves a hug

[wereh0gz]

Y'know I think I'm starting to truly understand the kids who just didn't do anything in class during middle and high school. As someone who used to be a gifted kid and never really got it. Fucking hell

#ramblings #neg #gee idk maybe when things are hard and explained in ways that are uninteresting and difficult to understand ppl won't want to participate! #who would've thought! #i always had some sympathy for ppl who struggled in school even when they seemed 'lazy' or whatever #but like i never truly got it bc to me most of that stuff was easy! #classes were engaging enough for me and usually easy enough to understand! #i was at a point where i had over a 4.0 gpa when i graduated which is SUPPOSED to mean i'm smart right?? #WRONG #I DID WHAT TO ME WAS THE BARE MINIMUM FOR MOST THINGS #I DIDN'T EVEN STUDY EVER BC NOTHING EVER STUCK THAT WAY #IT WAS ALL JUST A GAME OF MEMORIZATION #AND BARELY ANYTHING I LEARNED FROM MY CLASSES STUCK AFTER A COUPLE MONTHS OF NOT GOING TO SCHOOL #ALL I EVER DID WAS GO THROUGH THE MOTIONS #Y'KNOW SOMETIMES IT REALLY IS GOOD TO QUIT WHILE YOU'RE AHEAD HUH #SHOULD'VE JUST DONE THAT INSTEAD OF GOING THROUGH THIS SHIT #GOD I AM SO FUCKING TIRED. I DON'T WANT TO THINK ANYMORE #i am. so tempted. to just not do any of my work #but if my mom finds out i will never hear the end of it #i want to sleep. i want to sleep and stop thinking abt this. so so bad

[thenarrativefoil]

lease? signed ✅

deposit & 1st month's rent? paid ✅

packing? started ✅

selling items? 2/??? ✅

moving truck trailer? still needs figuring

movers? needs more figuring

#text #GET ME OUT OF HERE #im gonna live within walking distance of 2 grocery stores and a farmer's market #my apartment is in a cute building on a quiet street #theres a thrift shop down the road #I'm tired and I'm 30 years old and I just want to take it easy

[taupewolfy]

maaaan still sucks the life out of me that the hld sequel opted to go rougelike. Like what does that really add to the game other than more frustration through less progression for what is already a fairly tough game to play

#like if it plays fairly similar albeit in a 3d space rather than 2d. what does losing everything upon dying really do #what is it taking away from the original experience and what is it adding if it's adding anything to it at all? #aaand if by 'rougelike' they actually mean 'soulslike' in the way you lose all currency on death then #what does THAT add to the game? what purpose does it serve? other than limiting your skill availability through purchases #like genuinely what it is changing and how does it change the game #maybe i'm just tired of everything coming out that is notable and easy to find that is riffing of of one of those two #or a fucking deck builder. #sometimes i don't want to have to dig to find things ya know? i do that so often already

[mementoasts]

jonathan sims head archivist of the magnus institute london

#IM JUST POSTING HIM RANDOMLY BECAUSE I CANNOOOOOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME DRAW ANYONE ELSE. I HAVE APHANTASIA MAN IT'S HARD OUT HERE #i just started season 3 and heard him mention the graying hair i was like hm.. what if i tried drawring some characters. #i'm actually super happy with how he looks... i had some prior inspiration bc i followed one artist who's posted fanart b4-- #(which is how i first heard of the series) and so i already kinda had a picture of him in my head bc of that (i love their art sdfghgfdjh) #so i was jus sketchin and i was like.... yeah this looks ok. i wanted his hair to be kinda just pokin up every which way in front-- #--because i imagine him constantly running a hand through it. otherwise it'd look nice n tidy. i just sketched til it looked good enough #the eyes were easy because i wanted sharp and tired. the color was just me testin shit out and being like oooo that looks pretty #the outfit..... i just googled some like business casual stuff LOL. i thought it looked nice #bag and flashlight because he's dungeon crawling #he's also filipino for no reason other than i said so #OHHH YEAH freckles. freckles are cute. also worm scars. #i gotta say i didn't wanna put glasses on him but i thought he looked nakey without em.. but also it might be bc i was strugglin w lineart #the glasses make him look younger i think. which is bad!! he needs to look at least 35!!! #i dunno if i have it in me to draw the others;;;;;;;;;; martin i can't figure out a color scheme for-- and tim & sasha.... waauugghhh.... #it's hhhhaaardd because when i'm like reading anything i cannot *picture* characters.... i just get like..... a feeling yknow..... #again i already had some vague images for jon (and martin) bc i saw fanart before lol so that's what showed up in my head #i have a good *feeling* of what sasha should look like but i cannot for the life of me draw it.... #i keep sketching and going “noo this doesn't look like her” <- i DON'T know what she looks like #i've somehow instead ended up with a sketch that really feels like melanie tho lmao #if you're somehow at the bottom of this long ramble i will send you $500. #the void given form

[running-in-the-dark]

I/we did a bunch of small but important productive things today (chose and ordered a ceiling light for the bathroom, ordered food for the cats, chose and ordered a window film for the bathroom, found an electricity provider and signed up with them) and it feels good. I'm still pretty overwhelmed by everything, but at least things are moving forward.

#also had that 1.5 hour conversation with my husband's grandma. that felt pretty important. someone needs to listen to her and no one else #does really. #the thing with the electricity provider is a bit funny because initially we were told we wouldn't have to do that bc it would be directly #between us & the landlord but everything's not finished so that'll only happen in a few months #but it's fine it was easy to find a good one etc. #tomorrow we'll try to figure out the paint colour for a few of the walls #so that we can finish most of the painting before we move all our stuff in this weekend #I just want to get to the fun stuff (building furniture and organising things) ���� everything else is so stressful #but at least the place is clean now - my partner & his parents cleaned it today. there was still dirt from all the building stuff #everywhere so that should make a big difference ^^ #now. I'm extremely tired so hopefully I'll be able to sleep! #personal