#i thought ut would change now i have an actual diagnosis but like they dont seem to bother with it anyway so

[steampoweredskeleton]

I feel like I'm at a point in mental health where CBT is no longer very helpful. Like I know what most of my problems are. I do things to challenge myself and challenge my way of thinking whenever I can. I actively make decisions and change my behaviour to ensure things don't get worse BC I know my symptoms and what can make them worse.

So now talking to this therapist doesn't help BC they just tell me what I already know. And give me tasks that I already know I need to do.

We had an interesting one today where she was like "you need to be able to identify your emotions" and I was like "yes, I know, I try to break them down based on physical response BC I can't really read my emotions" to which she said "you need to be able to identify them, and not concentrate on the physical response". We went in this cycle for a few minutes, after which she said "can you read other people's emotions?". I, stupidly thinking that maybe she was getting it that I am autistic (I know it's on my chart) and can't do that, told her no.

My homework for this week is to make note of how I emotionally feel, not physically, and try to pay attention to the emotions of those around me.

So that's great. At this point I just need someone to help me plan my week so I can function better and THAT shit isn't available on the NHS!

#delete later #endlessly frustrating #doing cbt whilst being autistic is half about trying to explain things without the therapist lookinh at you like you have #three heads. and half about being actively gaslit and just going along with whatever they say #i just. its wild #i thought ut would change now i have an actual diagnosis but like they dont seem to bother with it anyway so #rhey still rolled out the old #you have a fear of uncertainty. we will fix that #my first ever therapist did great on my ocd but went in hard on the fear of uncertainty and i just got so upset #that i couldnt seem to do anything about it. yeah thats bc its a seperate disability. i dont blame thst lady #neither of us knew i was autistic. she did pretty damn good #its just a nightmare that cbt is thr only thing the nhs offers. abd for max 10 sessions #nothing gets done. and i just feel like im wasting nhs money and time eveb though im doing the good thing abd trying to get #help. and theres no like support like i would actually need. most of my anxiety and overwhelm come from not being able to #disect what i need to do abd put it into a plan. if i had that i would function so much better #but i dont. i have a lady who relates everything to dieting and tells me the same five sekf care things over abd over #the one plus is that she validates that mu childhood was shit. so thats nice that i dont feel like i made it up