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horansqueen · 4 years

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You & Me : chapter 2

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: 1- haha syke (sort of lol)! 2-thats why i asked this question, now you know!

yes, thats the only notes you need lol! oh and FEEDBACK PLEASE! :) please tell me how you think their coffee “date” will go?? would mean a lot!

Chapter 2 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

"Honey! I'm home!" I yelled as I walked inside, closing the door behind me and throwing my purse on the couch.

"Kitchen, babe!"

I followed the voice with a small smile and leaned against the door frame as I watched him bend down to take something off the oven. I crossed my arms and stared at him, trying to suppress a chuckle. With a quick head movement, he pushed a lock of his hair out of his face and raised his eyebrows at me with a smirk. I moved closer to him, taking a few steps slowly as he put the cookies he had just not burned for once in a plate.

"You know your son is way too young for cookies, right?"

His eyes became smaller as he looked at me and it made me laugh even more.

"I made them for you, silly!"

"Louis, come on." I pointed out with a frown. "I just spent two hours tasting wedding cakes and you think i'm in the mood for cookies?"

With a grimace, he grabbed two cookies and put one in front of me before sitting next to me at the table. I made the cookie turn around as I stared at it, feeling suddenly a bit nervous. I wasn't really sure I wanted to have this discussion but I told Louis everything. I was surely not going to keep that kind of information from him.

"Okay my queen, talk to me, what happened?"

He slid his arm on the table until his hand reached mine. I let go of the cookie and gripped his fingers tight. His hand was warm, as it always was, but it took me a few seconds to look up in his eyes. When I did, my heart skipped a beat. He was clearly concerned and worried and I just shrugged a shoulder before looking down again.

"I saw Niall."

Suddenly, the grip of his fingers became tighter and I held my breath. Louis and I had been through so much together during the past year and I was scared this would somehow change the dynamic we had. I knew he kept talking with Niall from time to time but it was far from being the way it used to be between them. I never asked Louis to choose between us, and I never even made allusions to it for the simple reason that they were friends before we were and I knew he still considered Niall like a brother. Who was I anyway to decide who Louis could and couldn't hang out with?

That being said, Louis and I had worked on ourselves individually a lot. We both went to therapy, tried to follow our dreams, found love and learned to accept ourselves as full human beings. We didn't need love to be complete and we didn't need our soulmates either. Of course, it didn't feel so easy when Niall was close but if I wanted to be honest, I thought it would hurt a lot more to see him again.

"He was with his girlfriend?"

"No." I replied with a shrug before adding a 'thank god' in my head.

"How did that make you feel?"

I took a few seconds to think and finally looked up, my eyes meeting his as a small smile spread across my lips.

"It's... Niall, you know? I'll always feel something when he's around. That's what you said, right? Soulmates and all that?" He nodded slowly and I shrugged a shoulder. "I mean, I will love him forever but... he broke me, and I don't want to let him break me again."

Louis' face change and he sent me a sincere smile before nodding quickly this time. He squeezed my fingers and tapped my thigh a few times a bit too roughly.

"Ow!"

"That's my queen!"

He got up and kissed the top of my head, making me roll my eyes but chuckle. He walked to the fridge and took a beer out before opening it and throwing the cap in the sink. I stared again at the cookie on the table and swallowed, playing over and over the encounter I had with Niall in my head. He looked good and happy and I couldn't help but think that he never regretted his decision to break up with me. Of course, it took him a few months to get a new girlfriend but when he did, something inside of me died. I remembered exactly when I found out he was dating someone and it was probably the biggest slap in the face I had ever had. I cried for a week, wondering what the fuck was wrong with me. All I could think about was how his love for me, if it ever existed, was clearly not strong enough but even worse, he didn't even try to keep my friendship.

"You're thinking about him, aren't you?"

I sighed and closed my eyes for a few seconds as I tried to get my heartbeats back to a normal pace. I couldn't hide anything to Louis, even if I wanted.

"Not so much him but what I meant for him."

Louis walked back next to me and crouched down, one of his knees on the floor and his hand on my thigh. He waited until our eyes met and he raised his eyebrows.

"We've been through that, remember?" Louis pointed out in a soft tone. "He was scared to be trapped and he let go of the most important person in his life. You were not the problem, Liv."

"He's with someone now." I just said, shaking me head, after letting out a long sigh. "And with her too I mean, he replaced me with her."

Louis nodded very slowly, pressing his lips together and making the left corner of my lips raise up.

"Yes, besides you, my friend Neil has very bad tastes in women."

It was not true at all but I appreciated the lie and I tilted my head to stare at Louis. I had moved back to my apartment after Niall broke up with me and Louis was the one who had picked my stuff at Niall's for me. We hung out together and he's the one who pushed me to write what I wanted to write. My father agreed to make a special section for my story on his site and within a few hours, there were more views than any other page of the site. I found someone to play the male character and I gave myself the role of the female one until I got the e-mail that literally changed my life.

Netflix. I barely believed it and I had to read the e-mail twice but it turned out to be real and after some negotiation, my tv show was about to be re-made with a bigger budget and real actors and this time, it was going to be seen by way more people. I didn't have to insist to keep playing in it, they quickly agreed to that term of the contract and it surprised me. Apparently, I was not so bad of an actress, who would have known? That's why I moved to L.A. with Louis : to live a dream I wasn't even aware I had before, when I was dating Niall. There are so many things I didn't know when I was with him, including who I was. Now, it was different.

"So." Louis continued, getting up to grab his beer again. "Did you girls go with Liam's request and pick chocolate?"

I raised my eyebrows in amusement and my lips parted a bit as we stared at each other.

"How do you know that?"

Louis' smile turned into a smirk. "He asked me and I said I wanted chocolate too! So I said he should harass Julie and he said I should harass you. So I had to challenge him, and he lost."

My face twisted and I frowned, suddenly a bit scared.

"What was the challenge?"

"Oh, darling, you don't want to know." his accent had turned thicker and his smirk bigger, making me shake my head. "Trust me."

"You're right, I don't want to know."

He laughed a bit and moved his chin in my direction as he leaned against the counter, his beer still in hand. He took the last sip and put it away before swallowing and licking his lips. I loved Louis. I really, really loved Louis.

"So? Chocolate?"

I grimaced and sent him an offended look as I shook my head again.

"It's like you don't even know me!"

"What did you pick then?"

I didn't have time to answer. My lips just parted a bit before we both heard the doorbell. I jumped on my feet and we both rushed to the living room to reach the front door.

"Me!" I yelled as I tried to be faster than him.

"Oh please, it's clearly for me!"

I laughed as he pushed my hips with his and even more when both our hands ended up on the knob, twisting it at the same time without opening the door. We laughed and when the door finally opened wide, my smile grew.

"So, who won this time?"

I forgot the game I had with Louis and barely even heard my boyfriend's question. I just tilted my head and bit my bottom lip. He looked pretty and the way he smiled always got to me. Louis let him walk in and he just opened his arms, bending down slightly to wrap them around my waist and pull me up. I laughed like a school girl and looked down at him, bringing my lips against his.

"Clearly, I won." I whispered only for him to hear, licking my lips before kissing him again.

He chuckled against my mouth and finally put me down but I kept him close and deepened the kiss. The fact that we were still acting like new lovers was nice and I hoped it would never stop.

After moving here, we were about to cast auditions for the other characters but I was mostly nervous about the male lead since I was going to do most scenes with him and even kiss him. I was allowed to have a say in who they would pick but before we could even start the auditions, I received a message on twitter. My account was not private anymore and was even verified, which was something I never thought would ever be possible. I was not the kind of person who liked attention but it was still important for me to remain on social medias, even if I wasn't online as much as other people.

Most of the messages I was tagged in were about Niall and I couldn't blame his fans who asked about me but it was surprising to see it even after so long. At first, the tweets about some of them being 'devastated' by our break-ups made me cry but now I just felt nostalgic of what I once had with him. One time, though, I got a notification that I was tagged in a post and when I clicked on it, I choked on my coffee. Dylan O'Brien. Dylan fucking O'Brien had tagged me and had added 'would love to play in your show!'

After a few days of chatting online, we had finally decided to talk on the phone and I realized he was the funniest and sweetest guy in the world. It's only really the very first time I met him that I realized I had it bad, though. He came to the audition but in my head, the part was already his, and when our eyes met, I felt it inside of me. It could have been just me being starstruck but when he had smiled at me, my heart had fluttered in a way it hadn't since... since Niall.

"You two get a fuckin' room." Louis let out, but I could hear amusement in his voice.

I turned to him and he sent me a smirk just as I showed him my middle finger.

"I live here too, remember?" I asked jokingly.

The plan when we moved here was to buy a house together, support each other and spend as much time as we could with each other. Did Louis and I ever had sex after that infamous night? Maybe, but quickly, we had both stopped needing it. Not because we weren't in pain anymore, but because we had other distractions and other things to focus on. I hadn't received my first check yet but it was coming and I knew it. I couldn't wait to give some of my money to Louis for the house but only as a rent. He was keeping the house to live in it with his girlfriend while I had planned to move with Dylan very soon. Everything was falling into place, and just as I thought my life was exactly the way it was supposed to be, I saw Niall again.

"Yea well you two lovebirds will have the house for yourself tonight." Louis explained, grabbing his wallet from the coffee table and looking for his keys. "I'll be gone all night."

"Say hello to Eleanor for me!"

Louis sent me a smirk and a wink before walking up to us and bending down to kiss my cheek.

"Will do." he promised in a low tone. "Goodnight queen."

A few months earlier, I had heard Louis cry himself to sleep at night. It was not something unusual, I knew it happened from time to time since his mother had passed away, but I remember leaning against the wall of his room for half an hour, listening to him cry and crying with him. If he had wanted me to be there with him, he would have asked, I knew it, that's why I didn't knock or tried to talk to him, but at the same time, it was hard to handle, and I couldn't pretend I knew him as much as Eleanor did. He was also crying for her, I was well aware of that, and on that night, I had messaged her. I didn't have to beg her to come over, she just did. She literally took a fucking plane to come here and comfort him. If that's not love then I have no idea what is.

"Goodnight, pet."

Louis raised his eyebrows and pointed his finger at me. "Don't call me that, ever, remember?"

I just shrugged and laughed, feeling Dylan's hand grab my fingers gently as he chuckled too. He suddenly turned to me and raised his eyebrows.

"Oh hey, you were trying out wedding cakes today, how did it go?"

"She didn't pick chocolate mate, don't even bother." Louis grimaced, making Dylan smile more.

"Of course she didn't, i'd say..." he turned to me and his eyes got smaller as he pondered. "She hesitated and almost picked raspberry but ended up choosing.. strawberry and cream."

My lips curled and I shook my head. "How do you know me so well?"

"O'Brien, I hate you." Louis just said, slapping gently my boyfriend's chest. "Thanks for making sound like a loser."

"You're welcome!" Dylan joked as I rolled my eyes at their interaction.

I waited as Louis typed something on his phone and he finally looked up at us and smiled before leaving. As soon as the door closed behind him, I received a text message and walked up to my purse to look at it.

'Tell him!!!!' Louis had typed with clearly too many exclamation points.

I just sent him a thumb up and when I went back, I felt my lips curl very slightly at the sight of the emoji Niall sent me. It was good seeing him, it felt amazing to be near him. It was so hard to realize that my best friend was not my best friend anymore, and although I knew that life is just like that sometimes, it still hurt. This year away from each other was needed, at least for me, to find myself, but I always thought Niall would remain in my life forever.

"So strawberries and cream uhm?" Dylan said to catch my attention. "I can live with that."

I threw my phone on the couch and sighed with a smile, turning his way. I grabbed the front of his shirt and finally looked up in his eyes, licking my lips as his hands reached my waist.

"Can you live with me?" I asked, raising my eyebrows and making him chuckle low.

"Damn right I can."

He pulled me closer and kissed me, making my heart skip a beat. I had never compared Dylan to Niall but at that exact moment, I couldn't help myself. They were both smart, kind and funny, the main difference being that Dylan hadn't shattered my heart in pieces, at least not yet. The way they kissed was different too. Niall kissed me passionately, impatiently and deeply. Dylan kissed me gently, like I was something fragile, something important he didn't want to break, or simply because he wanted to take his time and feel every second of it. He kissed me like every kiss actually meant way more than we both thought.

I felt him deepen the kiss and my heart jumped again. I couldn't do anything with him before telling him about my day, and all I could see behind my eyelids was Louis' text message.

"Mm, I have something to tell you." I whispered against his lip, making him pull away immediately.

He stared at me for a few seconds, his eyes roaming on my face, and I suddenly felt extremely nervous. He was never the jealous type but I don't think anyone could enjoy their lover meeting again with their ex, especially knowing Niall and I's history.

"What's wrong, babe?"

"Nothing's wrong, no, don't worry." It wasn't a lie. I sent him a small smile and shrugged. "I just wanted you to know that... I saw Niall, today."

His eyebrows raised slightly but fell back down half a second later. He stared down at me, mostly trying to decipher how i felt about it instead to react to it, and it made something in my heart stir. He was perfect and I loved him, I really did.

"Are you okay?" he finally asked gently after about a minute of silence. "How did it go?"

"It went... well." I admitted, nodding slowly and glancing down before looking up in his eyes. "He asked if we could meet again for a coffee but I didn't message him yet. I'm just not sure if I should go."

Dylan's lips curled slightly just as his eyebrows raised. "Not because of me, yea?"

I shrugged both shoulders, feeling suddenly embarrassed. One of the reasons why I was not sure was him, but an other part of me, a part I didn't want to show, was simply scared. I was scared that things wouldn't be like they used to be, I was scared that we wouldn't really get along, I was scared that the old me would resurface and I was scared... I was scared of the feelings I could have again if I spent time with him.

"You can go see him, Liv." he let out softly, bringing one of his hands to my face to caress my cheek with his fingertips. "Not that you were waiting for my approval or that you need it but, I know there's so many things you want to tell him and ask him and... it's normal. I can't even begin to understand the relationship you two had, all I know is... it was intense. There's some part of you that will always love him and I'm fine with that. Just... go. And you'll see."

Slowly, my lips curled as I stared at him. I brought my hand to his hair and slipped my fingers in it before sighing. I felt suddenly lighter and I was not sure why. Perhaps knowing that my boyfriend was fine with it helped.

I mouthed a 'thank you' and he smiled more, shaking his head.

"There's no reason to thank me." he just said, pulling me closer and kissing my lips. "I love you, Olivia."

I wrapped my arms around him and closed my eyes, inhaling him before squeezing him tighter against me. It felt good and I felt safe but I finally pulled away and smiled.

"Okay so food and a movie?" he proposed, raising his eyebrows before I grimaced.

"Oh I wish, I mean food, but i'm gonna have to eat in front of my computer." I explained with a sigh, letting my head fall lightly on my shoulders. "I need to write and my mind is lazy these days."

"Why don't you inspire yourself of what we're going through right now?"

I stared at him and raised my eyebrows at the idea before Dylan just chuckled and winked at me. I knew that to write something good, it had to be close to something I was living, but playing it on screen was about to be a challenge if I did that.

"I'll make food you just... work."

I thanked him and grabbed my phone before sitting in front of my computer. I started typing a few ideas here and there but the truth was, I couldn't stop thinking about Niall. Dylan was right, there were many things I wanted to tell him, many things I wanted to ask. but at the same time, I was well aware that I wouldn't be able to let it out all at the same time. I also knew we had to be in a public place, if only to be sure I wouldn't end up yelling or in tears.

'Coffee tomorrow afternoon, are you free? 🤪’

I didn't want to let Niall make me emotional the way I used to be when we were dating, or even before. He always had so much power over me and I didn't want him to anymore. I didn't want anyone to have to much power over me.

'Always free for you 🥰’

The emoji he picked made my lips curl and I quickly texted him a time and place before putting my phone away. I stared at my work on the screen and sighed to myself. I didn't really want to add Niall to my story, I was too scared of how realistic it would become, since my real boyfriend was already playing my on-screen boyfriend, and I decided to push this idea away.

Dylan came back with a plate of pastas and it made me wonder how long I had spent in front of an almost empty document. He sat to face me and my eyes moved up to him.

"I'm stuck."

"Did you message Niall? Are you gonna see him soon?"

I felt my heart skip a beat at his question but he kept staring at me as he brought the fork to his mouth. The fact that it was super casual for him made me squirm a bit on my seat. Was that a good or a bad thing?

"Yea, tomorrow afternoon."

"Good." he nodded, pushing the plate my way. I sent him a smile and started eating too. "Maybe it'll inspire you."

His eyebrows raised and he chuckled when some sauce landed on my shirt and I quickly tried to wipe it off, making him laugh even more.

"Guess you're gonna have to take it off." he just pointed out.

I looked up at him only to see a smirk gracing his face and I chuckled too, tilting my head. I pushed my plate away and leaned closer to him, sending him an amused smile and keeping my voice low.

"Maybe you should take it off yourself."

#niall horan #niall horan fluff #niall horan smut #niall horan story #niall horan writing #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #my fanfics #yam #i want to know what you think and how that made you feeeeeeeel!

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lordseochangbin · 4 years

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paparazzi,, lee minho

i'm your biggest fan, i'll follow you until you love me, papa-paparazzi~~

“hey minho, look at this!!” chan said from the backseat, phone flashing on minho’s face as his eyes filled with amazement

“woah, that’s such a cool photo of you hyung” felix said, followed by changbin’s agreement

“you have such good fansites, not like they could top mine though” chan said as minho scoffed, “nahh, i love my fans”

little did he know he’d fall in love with one of them though. the van door opened to flashes and yells of the idol’s names. you in the front of all of them, holding your camera in front of your masked face. he recognized your camera instantly, giving your lens... or i suppose your eyes a quick smile before walking out with the rest of the members to the airport.

you, along with many others, followed them inside. you gave them the respected privacy however, not taking photos when they weren’t ready or when they were dealing with their managers/airport staff. but at one point you went from the back to the front of the crowd, the swam of people carrying you with stray kids as they walked ahead. minho, concerned for your own being, grabbed your hand taking you away from the crowd.

“are you okay?” he said, concern clear in his voice

“i-i-im” you stuttered as his eyes seemed to glow with the reflection of the airport windows. his eyes blinked in anticipation of your answer, but after hearing nothing he gave your hand a big squeeze and let you go. after the awkward contact and security pushing the two of you further apart, you ran away- earning the attention of lee minho from stray kids.

after you hid behind a pedestal, hand clung onto your chest to slow the heartbeats that attacked you with rapid fire. his eyes... they never felt so close to you. even through the pictures that you’d taken and stared at for years. they felt so up close and personal.

after awhile the constant thumps in your little heart started to slow down, and you joined the rest of the crowd to take some more shots since you missed the opportunity to earlier while... while trying to save yourself from a heart attack.

but you couldn’t find the crowd.

you found stray kids however, taking a deep breath of relief to see minho not there. if he was, you might’ve found yourself having a stroke or something. his looks were too powerful for you, always forcing you to hid behind the lens he always knew, and the eyes he could never see stayed hidden behind technology at its finest. he knew you were the magic behind his best photos, ones not even the professionals couldn’t take. you captured the real him, the real lee minho. the one that loved cats, that loved to read, and loved to eat well.

you grabbed your camera, that had a cat cover. its ears on top of the screen stood up as you scrolled through the photos you’d taken earlier.

“woah.. that one looks good, think you can send it to me?” you heard a voice call from behind your shoulder. a quick turn led you to meet his eyes once again, a yelp leaving your lips as you attempted to move your mask up.

“dont cover your face!” he said, holding your hand.

“minho!” your cheeks blushed red as his fingers intertwined with your hand.

“i think i deserve those pictures right? do you mind sending them to me?”

you nodded in response, minho taking his phone out. “what’s your number?” he said, a hand brushing through his ash grey hair

“m-my number” you said, your mouth dropping as one of your fingers pointed to yourself for confirmation.

“yes you, what’s your number” he repeated with a smiling, nudging your shoulder with his to get a response.

after giving him your number, trying so hard to say spill the digits without stuttering you took out your phone to transfer photos

“you know, i always notice you from the little cat cover. its so adorable” he said, touching the cotton cat ears the covered your lens.

suddenly his eyes diverted to your phone case, the same orange cat covering the back as he took his phone out. “the same case!! it’s almost like we’re dating!!” he said, followed by one of his little giggles as you smiled

“shut up!!” you said, slapping his shoulder

“okay but you have to give me those photos. your shots of me are amazing!”

“thank you..” you said after all the praise. seconds later, minho was being called by one of the managers. “i have to go..but youre coming to the concert right?!” he said, talking and walking away

you took your flight ticket out of your hand waving it at him, along with front row seat tickets and a smile. “see you there minho!!” you said

“see you there, beautiful” he responded, making your chest feel heavy and your eyes fill with stars while he ran to meet with the others.

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me: *insert 7 photos*

minho hyung: thank you!! i cant wait to see your pics from the concert!!

me: cant wait to see you perform haha

minho hyung: also curious,, what does your fansite name mean?? “eyes of our own??”

me: hmmm im not sureㅋㅋㅋ

minho hyung: there has to be some sort of story behind it,, tell meeeeee

me: fine fine, i just like to feel like one with the camera i suppose

minho hyung: you mean you like to always be behind one?

me: nooooo i just like to see you through one, i never thought we’d make eye contact like before hehe

minho hyung: you look so much prettier in person though ㅋㅋㅋ

me: nooo!!! thats all you minho hyung hehehe

minho hyung: next time we meet, make sure to speak comfortably

me: will there be a next time?

minho hyung: ill make sure of it, good night “eyes of our own”

me: good night, make sure to eat well before the concert

minho hyung: you tooo :)))

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after the concert the next night, you waited inside the venue to look through your photos and avoid the crowd. but instead you were met by security, rushing you backstage to meet with minho.

“hey!” minho said, seating you down on the couch behind the makeup room

“hey minho, you did amazing during the concert” you said, feeling his gaze relax at the sound of your voice. it was amazing, he thought, how your voice cooled him down. how your lens made him confident. how your eyes made his heart beat faster than the most intense choreography. but he shook his head to the thought of your relationship. you probably thought of your relationship as a fan-idol type of thing, no matter how comfortable you felt at the moment. but that wasn’t the case.

“thank you,, what photos did you take of me today?” he asked.

“oh my god, you wont believe the good shots i got of you today!!” you scooted closer to him, your shoulders brushing against each other making minho’s cheekies turn pink. you threw the camera into your arms, “so there was this one.... and this one... oh my god and you look SO good in this one”

but minho wasn’t even paying attention to his photos. he had all eyes on you, the way your eyes glowed as another photo filled the screen. the smile that stretched across your face as you proudly stared at your photos of him. of him, lee minho. a girl as gorgeous and intelligent as yourself spent your time taking photos of him. he felt like the luckiest man on earth.

“wow and your voice during mixtape was.. *chefs kiss*” you said, smiling shyly to yourself before realizing he wasn’t responding this whole time. you turned quickly to make eye contact again, only to see that he was looking at you. “what is it?” you said, touching your cheeks. “is there something there?!” you continued, wide-eyed as he slowly came closer to you

“are you actually interested in me?” he asked, voice soft and curious. this question took you by surprise.

“minho, my hobby is taking photos of you. id be wack to say i wasnt” you replied with a laugh.

“i mean, the real me”

“the real you?” you nervously placed a hand on his leg. “i’ve yet to know the real you if anything. it’s not like i know you inside out because i follow you everywhere”

“sooo....” he said, his eyebrows dancing as his hand joined yours, “you want to get to know me?”

“of course i do minho, you seem like an amazing person to be around”

and at that, he felt invited to give you a light peck on the lips. it was like a soft touch, making your body tingle with reds and blues as he slowly let go. his eyes were still shut from the lust, but you felt your hands unconsciously wrap around his neck. your legs straddled his waist you pressed your lips against his, his grip tightening around your waist. and it was kisses after kisses after kisses.

he licked his lips as you slowly let go, forming an unforgettable smile as the camera in between you two was pushed aside.

“forget the camera love, lens cant capture a moment like this” he said before pulling you into a warm hug. and that was how you fell in love with your idol. the boy you committed your time to with no regrets, and from now you were able to capture him on stage and off stage. not only with your camera lens, but with the eyes of your own.

#might b one of my favs #minho #lee minho #minho stray kids #lee know stray kids #lee minho soft #lee minho fluff #stray kids fluff #lee minho scenarios #skz #stray kids #minho imagines #stray kids imagines #skz imagines #skz smut #stray kids smut #skz lee know #stray kids lee know #lee know

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sup4l3e · 3 years

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I’m Crazy...

I’m insane...

I've lost the plot..

I'm hopeless..

I'm worthless..

I'm unloveable..

I'm pathetic..

I'm weird..

I'm strange..

I'm not okay...

I'm a psycho... (ok this one for me might be true... question it, go on try it! i dare you! ;0 lol)

BUT...

I AM!!!

Those are just some of the things my own mind tells me on a daily basis ... yes here it comes a blog about anxiety and depression... omg!! i know right the cliche of it all. like who hasnt written a blog about depression before ...

oh woe is me! am i right?

well... thats where you're wrong!

(before i start i want no sympathy im not writing this for the "aww's" and the "bless her" comments, i dont want sympathy or empathy ... this is simply because ive experienced and lived with depression for about 14 years and if i can help one person feel better about themselves by reading this or help someone realise that they are not alone then, well, i can rest easy tonight. If anything i want to empower people)

I lived for so many years in the dark, keeping all of this too myself and you know what it did? absolutely sweet FA apart from making me so much worse, it gave ammunition to those little voices, telling me all of the above, making them win!

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago that talking about my experiences and how im feeling would help.

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago how many other people around me were going through the EXACT same thing.

Two and a half years ago i was a completely different person, i was sheltered, i was in a very toxic relationship ... with myself. Most people would disagree, they'd say i was actually in a toxic relationship with my ex partner; but i cant blame him. Dont get me wrong he was toxic and looking back i was lucky to get out when i did, however i am also grateful too him, because he showed me exactly what i dont want in my life. and being fair to him i'd lived with my own toxicity in my mind for a good 10 years before him, so god forbid i'd give him the satisfaction of all that praise coz by god did i do a damned good number on myself without any of his help. ;)

In all honestly though, i do blame myself and my own mind, because 2 and a half years ago those little voices in my own head were the only thing i was listening to, they were winning. I wasnt listening to my family who were worried sick about me, who were practically begging me to tell them what was going on in my head, who i shut out, ignored and pushed away because i couldnt cope and you know what? they didnt deserve that at all. i live everyday regretting that i put them through that, So i now live everyday hoping to make them proud of me and live each and everyday with a promise. I do however live every day regretting that i didnt let them in earlier because if i had of i wouldnt have gone through the hell i did and i wouldnt have genuinely believed "this is what i deserve" "no-one else will love you" "no-one else wants you" "no-one cares"... i wouldnt have had too live a LIE.

The lie was people did love me, i just couldnt see it, people did care about me, i just wouldnt hear it, i needed their help, i just wouldnt speak it; because at that point in time my own mind was telling me that i didnt deserve any of that, and that nobody would ever want to do that for me. So i found sactuary in a toxic person who in the long run made me the strong person i am today because if it werent for him i'd never have the confidence in myself knowing what i overcame, and if it werent for him i wouldnt have seen my family and loved ones take charge and say "Leanne enough is enough" .. they gave me the metaphorical slap across the face i damned well needed and brought me back to reality, they categorically wouldnt allow that behaviour to carry on anymore and for that i will forever be grateful!

i made a promise to them that day that i would always tell them when i was getting low again and i made a promise to myself that day that i would keep them in the forefront of my mind in all of my decisions and i would also promise to try and help anyone else who was ever in the same position i was in.

depression is a funny old thing, everyone will experience some form of depression throughout their life, some people are genetically wired to experience it, some people will experience it from a young age, some dont experience it until very late on in life, some experience it from sad/happy/overwhelming life events, some unlucky souls just never find happiness. but no matter what EVERYONE will, at somepoint experience depression. in this blog im going to try and explain how i've learned to manage and cope with mine.

A bit of a backstory of my depression, it started around the age of 14-15, my depression. I dont know where it came from but it was right around the time of my GCSE's, college, boys, hormones, and being diagnosed with PCOS (for those of you who dont know what that is its Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) i was told at a young age of 14 that i had some sort of syndrome which "would only matter when i got older", and that i had some of the prettiest ovaries the sonographer and gyneacologist had ever seen... in hindsight that wasnt going to be the compliment i first thought it was or the dismissive statement they portrayed it and brushed it off as, at all! THAT diagnosis changed alot of my life, however i will get back to that.

As most teens do around here I started studying for my GCSE's at just 15 years old. i was so stressed out i started actually hearing a screaming voice in my head. i suffered panic attacks daily, sometimes a few attacks a day, and that is where my anxiety started and then, good old depression smashed me in the face. i found the more stressed i became, the more id hear that screaming inside my head which then lead me to thinking " holy fucking shitballs im hearing voices im actually insane" therefore leading to more anxiety and panic attacks. so much so i would come home exhausted at 4pm everyday crawl into my pyjamas and climb into bed ready to do it all again the following day. (dont get me wrong i sat most nights on msn using the latest flashing emojis for EACH and EVERY letter of the alphabet, to the point it looked more like hyroglyphics and obviously getting the colours just right with the codes to make your name and status show in a rainbow. but that was all done in pj's curled up in bed because i couldnt manage much else ... however, if my mam asks i was revising and doing my homework THE. WHOLE. TIME, not talking to my friends about how hot a certain crush's bum looked that day ha! am i right! :P xoxo)

This was all a massive thing for me to go through aswell, due to the fact my dad has mental health issues and lives with schizophrenia, so, naturally at this point, you can imagine i was picturing myself in padlocked straight jackets and padded cells, talking away to the screaming voice in my head. the funniest thing was this screaming voice wasnt saying anything nasty or bad it was just my thoughts screaming at me like everything was angry, so genuinely just everyday life thoughts but those screaming at me, like, imagine thinking "leanne dont forget to pack your PE kit" but in the voice of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman from Full Metal Jacket... it. was. TERRIFYING!

Anyways, so yes high school was a massive contributor, then i made the choice to leave college at 17 because i, like many others, didnt have the faintest clue what i wanted to be when i grew up (little did i know id live the life of peter pan and neverland would be my sesh house OIOI!!!) In leaving college i went into full time work, as a 'temp job' until i decided what i was going to do... unfortunately, 8 and a half years later i was still their prisoner! haha, Nah, dont get me wrong i met some absolutely amazing people in that job and i did love it but i knew at the end, if i didnt get out it was going to kill me off. I'd gotten to the point in that job that i cried myself to sleep knowing i had to go back in the next day. that place contributed alot to my depression not because it was a bad job but because id made a wrong decision and was stuck there. i had to leave.

my next massive contributor, and this is where i divulge some of my REAL heartbreaks. PCOS - Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome or what i like to call Poly fucking Cystic fucking Ovary fucking Syndrome or "lets just fuck shit up!" (no im not bitter about it at all lol) because of this shit, from the very young age of 14 (like puberty isnt hard enough - spots, hair in places you never wanted boobs growing overnight, bleeding once a month being the biggest inconvenience) i have also had to deal with weight issues, hersuitism, depression, anxiety, hormones that sent me bat shit crazy, pain, headaches, fatigue, you name it i had it. but the biggest heartbreak, being told that id always have difficulty concieving and carrying a child. Anyone who knows me, and knows me well, knows i have always wanted to be a mam. (and not the sesh mam who looks after all my drunken idiotic friends on a night out ... coz i swear thats all they ever think i do lol) I mean a real mam, to a real baby. and being told at a young age that i had the prettiest ovaries the gyneacologist had ever seen wasnt the compliment i thought it was because it turned out my ovaries were absolutely covered in cysts. And for years i have tried to have a baby but alas nothing ever happens. i've had a few close calls and ive miscarried, or at least i think i did, the test came back positive but then about 3 days after that pretty pink second line, i had the heaviest period i had ever had for around 4 hours and then my body went back to normal as if nothing happened. it broke my heart.

They say the human body is delicate and intricate and should be treated with respect... i say its a machine and its a absolute twat at times, and why should i respect what in essence has caused me heartbreak from a young age FOR NO FUCKING REASON. but hey ho... life. goes. on.

so... thats my life story or just a snippet of it. and some of the reasons why i have depression.

heres how i cope...

Well, for a long time.. and i mean a VERY LONG time i didnt. i hid it, i hid away from the world. i drank alot. i avoided family, i avoided my best friends, i avoided anything that would have brought me back to reality.

For a long time though, thats what i needed. now im not saying running away from your issues is easy and thats what you should do because its definitely not. im saying i NEEDED to do it at the time because i had no other way of coping and i NEEDED too to learn what not to do in the future. So masking, for me, was better than facing things 'alone'. In that time though, i made my issues alot worse and in fact caused more issues. it hurt my family, my friends and well hurt myself too, because in the long run i still had to sober up and i still had to deal with the same issues that got me down in the first place, i ended up in debt which contributed further too my issues. I did some very silly things which when i look back on them now i could have hurt so many people. i took an overdose of painkillers at one point around 2 and a half years ago. I felt so weak i saw no other outcome but instantly regretted doing it and made myself sick so that they came back up. i've told my mother and close friends about this previously but i think to really show how much i've learned and to reach out to anyone who is feeling the same way i did, to tell them IT REALLY DOES GET BETTER AND EASIER. i think saying that, shows my honesty throughout this post and allows for my experience and honesty really show that i want to help anyone going through the same thing.

Masking just makes the pain go away for a short period of time. learning from your pain and making it your strength is how you really overcome your own mind and depression.

It wasnt until i realised i was never alone, just how selfish and stupid id been all that time, because in masking, hiding and running away, id stupidly stopped myself from a faster recovery, less heartache, less pain and mental and physical torture. and really i stopped myself from helping others in the same position as me.

it wasnt until i learned to make my pain my strength that i truly found peace in who i am.

i still have days where those voices wont shut up, and they win and thats ok.

i still have days where i cannot climb out of bed and thats ok.

i still have days where i cry and the pain is too much and thats ok.

because i learned all of it really is ok! everyone has those same thoughts the same feelings the same illnesses. and i know that tomorrow WILL be a better day.

you just need to learn how to make it and own it as your own!

nothing has changed for me, all of those things are still true they're still real, my body hasnt miraculously healed itself, i still made poor life choices, it hasnt changed my hormonal imbalances but it has changed my mindset. it has changed my life. i made a choice to change my mindset and not let it beat me i decided to let people in. my family are my guardian angels because they never gave up on me, they dragged it out of me and frogmarched me to the doctors for the help i needed but some people dont have that support in their lives.

i'm lucky enough now, to have lived with this for long enough to know my signs, and when i know what i call, "going dark" is coming. basically when i start slipping and losing control of it again, i identify it and know how to manage it head on. unfortunately my body because of the stupid "intricate machine" i have and how broken it is (believe me the day i can swap out into an AI robot body imma sign straight up for that shit imma have me a body like Jennifer Anniston) my body however tends to go into a meltdown, i end up with more migraines, pain and infections. i also get extremely tired to the point i can sleep for a good 15-20 hours a day and thats not me being lazy (although if sleeping were an olympic sport i'd be the universal champion of it BED=LIFE) thats really me needing to reset. at that point in time when i know this is coming, thats when i reach out; i tell my friends and my family "I'm not okay" because i know now i can do that, i can talk to them.

i, personally, take medication daily, and for some reason we live in a society where people are actually shamed for doing so. i know if i dont take those 2 little tablets every day i will lose control and become a shell of who i really am. my seratonin levels drop and i practically become a robot barely functioning. so why should i be ashamed of those 2 little 'happy pills' which make me the person i want to be and know i truly am! no chemical imbalance is going to get the better of me! if i can have the help, im damned sure going to take it. along with the happy pills, aswell as alot of sleep, sunbeds, spending time with family and friends whenever i possibly can, i now have a job that i love, i also retrained as a beautician, and i love going to the gym and swimming whenever i can, ive found i can manage mine alot better. one thing that massively changed my life was limitting when i drink. i rarely go out drinking anymore and the reason is because i know deep down i will end up in a very low state afterwards. alcohol is a depressant and i wont allow that kind of thing to get me down. so now instead i choose to drink once a month if not less. i havent cut out the drink completely i just know if i want to get blinding drunk i need to be in a very happy place to do so. so i am careful where i drink, who i drink with and what i do whilst im drinking and unfortunately much to my neighbours disgust that tends to be in the house whilst singing along to whitney houston or disney songs at the top of my lungs, but thats how i know i'll not plummet the day after, and lets face it anyone whose heard me singing knows whitney had nothing on me ;)

In all seriousness though, the best advice i can give anyone living with depression is talk to someone, talk to your family, talk to your neighbour, talk to your friends, talk to your doctor, talk to your dog, your cat, the postman, the man on the bus who sits oddly close too you... just talk to anyone. tell them how you are feeling tell them your experiences. tell them what is getting to you. Find someone who you can trust, find a stranger. write it all down in a blog. video it. GET IT ALL OFF YOUR CHEST! SAY IT OUT LOUD! Just. Bloody. Talk! please!

everyones experiences with depression are different some people mask it, some people show it, some people (like me now) shout it from the fucking rooftops because im not afraid of my emotions anymore.

everyones ways of coping are different too, some people find the gym helps, some rely on medication, some rely on talking therapies... there are so many different ways of coping out there now... the only way that doesnt work is not admitting something is wrong and fighting your own mind without help, knowing something isnt right but still doing nothing about it. The only way of not coping is living a lie, you dont have to do this alone!

Basically do those things just for you, the ones you've always wanted to do! get that tattoo you wanted, quit your job, retrain, change your hair colour, buy that car, buy that dog, book that holiday.

do what makes YOU happy!

live for you and open up, people would rather know how you are feeling than see you struggle or ultimately not be here.

open up you never know someone might be feeling the exact same way you are and it could bring you closer.

but remember most importantly:

You ARE NOT Alone..

You ARE NOT Crazy..

You ARE NOT insane..

You HAVE NOT lost the plot..

You ARE NOT hopeless..

You ARE NOT worthless..

You ARE NOT unloveable..

You ARE NOT pathetic..

You ARE NOT weird..

You ARE NOT a psycho..

You ARE NOT strange..

And..

You ARE okay...

You ARE Beautiful..

You ARE Worth it..

YOU ARE Loved

i hope this helps...

thank you ☺

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thethirdwheel404 · 4 years

Text

Med Rewatch Series (#1)

Right, monkey brain said no sleep no rest, only suffering at the hands of med.

I am going to start with the first episode of S2: Soul Care. Reasoning? I need to check if Latham references Ava in his first interaction with Connor.

If my memory serves me right, when Connor is passed over to Latham for his fellowship, Latham says that he was not his first choice. In fact, his first choice was a brilliant surgeon from South Africa. In the first episode of S2, a season where Ava Bekker is only introduced with one line at the end of the last episode.

If I remember correctly and Latham does actually say that in the first ep of s2, it will be huge for the continuity (and my theory that I came up with today, if you’re interested in following this you should really read that really long post that came a little before this where the basis of the theory is laid out).

Also in rewatching this I see more of Sarah which, again, I have not seen in two years, and she was the reason I became invested in the show, and the reason I stopped watching after she left.

And all of this even before I start the episode.

There are so many emotions and thoughts running through my brain it literally hurts. I think i’m getting a headache. I’m already really regretting this, this cannot be healthy for me.

(btw, this will basically be a train of thought type thing, I’ll do my best to keep it coherent)

- omg its starting

- i completely forgot how s1 ended but its not importnat in anyway

- just, why are they in a helicopter

- how fast does the episode move ive forgotten and i need to know

-JESUS CHRIST SO DRAMATIC

- THE BEGINNING WITH WILL WHY

- it is at this point where I apologize to all those who made it this far bc we’re literally not even 30 seconds in yet

- i just have a lot of med thoughts

- oh god save me

- i am laughing hysterically

- JESUS CHRIST THE APRIL TB STORYLINE AND TATE WTF

- god that feels like a lifetime ago it was relevant holyshit

-remember when she was pregnant?

- literally what have I missed

- side note, i really like the cup april drinks out of.

-THERE SHE IS

-SARAH

-SHE’S HERE

-and she’s a barista

-literally wtf is this show

-and the dramatic music is still going literally chill man god

-THE WAY SARAH SMILES HOLY SHITTTT come on man there was literally no way i’d survive this but fuck not even a minute in...

- okay but i never understood charles’ family scenario but this is already too fucking long for a minute in so i hope we can just skip past that

-hahahah sharon’s fucking divorce? holy shit, this is too dramatic for the first ep literally save me (at least she acts well)

-yeah the one thing I will say about med (thats a lie ive already said a hundred but yk) is that for the crap storylines and all, the actors take what they’re given and give it their all and i appreciate it so much

-the helicopter’s number is N365UCC and just... succ

-ethans bird (!)

-also the fact that’s so big for ethan to be chief resident is so weird to me. like the last medical drama I watched was greys and they are all like grizzled veterans and have been doing that stuff for actual decades and i tend to put med and greys on like the same level bc they are the only medical dramas ive watched but.. holy crap the people on med are so young?? half their main cast is med students and residents. when nearly every main character on greys is a department head. its wild.

-proud of ethan. proud of my boy (did you know that adam jacobs who played aladdin on broadway was in a s3 episode? fun facts) (fun fact: did you know that ava is the only main character on the show who’s status is now deceased? I’ll shut up now.)

-oh my god i say roland buck III’s name and GOD noah jesus

- i find noah incredibly annoying, especially bc he tries to overshadow reese (my fav) but also just bc hes spoiled [that thing that said that one of the biggest mistakes med made was not having sarah get the emergency med residency at the end of s1 comes to mine, and the fact that noah got his residency easy peasy] - but, i will say that the moment at the end of this season where noah and reese dance together at the party is very adorable. (pre reesker brain showing lmao I really did love sarah with my whole heart) (moreover my snapchat memories were filled with just recordings of reese scenes lmaooooo)

-okay at this point I need to stop once i get to the potential ava thing bc what is happening we’re not even two minutes in why is this so long. (so many thoughts)

- i find will annoying but,,, he is kind of nice to look at. and what i mean is like facial acting (i am a lesbian). like. just. don’t speak. and when he’s being a good character he’s fine. it’s very few and very far between ig

-natalie annoys me so much and shes only had one line, and it wasn’t even a character line, it was mainly exposition.

-EW

-FUCKING EW

-ITS CONNOR HE’S HERE. god i forgot what he looked like in red scrubs and his poofy hair. child compared to s3 and s4. hopefully we see latham soon so we all don’t have to suffer through this. and he looks so angsty. he definetly glowed up in the later seasons.

- i have no clue how to spell definetly. I am guessing literally everytime.

-latham please come and end this all.

-oh haha there’s downey hes dead.

-okay so i actually watched s1 after i watched s2 which is so weird to think about. like that means that i liked s2 so much that i BOUGHT THE DVD FOR S1. yeah. I liked it that much (it really only means I was that much of a simp for sarah). but it also means that technically i watched s1 after i met ava?? like i honestly had NO CLUE what was in my future. did young me ever think she was going to stay up late at night, avoiding history hw while analyzing a defunct character from this show on a whim? a character i was super annoyed with at the beginning? who has no become a huge part of my personality? honestly? no. no she did not.

-and the story with downey was so jarring. and the story with zanetti. like i think i first started watching with the first ep of s2 (the one im talking about rn) and i was a bit lost. so going back and watch s1 to like connect the dots. but i never expected the dots to look like that. its like each season of this show is a completely different show from all the other seasons. like i’ve said before, this show is a headache. but literally latham please come and end this for now.

-GOD CONNOR LOOKS SO YOUNG WHAT THE HELL thats so weird lmaooooo

- like i had absolutely no clue who downey was going into this. and they they started talking like ‘oh yeah he killed his attending’ and i was just like ‘damn bro ill cheers to that’

- that’s literally ava’s first line actually. “i heard your girlfriend went insane and you murdered your attending.” - which was why she was hated at first. that was literally her first line to connor which is like, so hilariously rude that it was instantly iconic.

-also HAHAHAHAH CUE FUCKING ANGST ABOUT CONNOR HURTING EVERYONE AROUND HIM WTF BRO THE EFFECT YOU HAVE ON PEOPLE

- but i’m also sad now. --- “I heard your girlfriend went insane.” Oh. Oh, sweetie. Ava... No. --- but why does s2 ava (all two lines) foreshadow s4 ava in so many ways. like literally what were the writers on.

-baghdad.

-ah yes. the return of baghdad. been a long time since i heard that one, but it is easily one of my favorite running things about med. its just a little detail but the nick name is like perfect. (when i read fanfic where the chars are actually doing doctor stuff in the hospital it makes me light up) the WORLD BUILDINGGGGG. but whatever

-this is the girl who has the fake baby right? that was a really good ep (bc sarah content. can you see my favorites? for the same reason the one where the girl has split personalities easily ranks high with me.) oh wait this is the one where the dad like dies but then comes back for a split second to see his grand child. there’s not really a lot I can say about that, but the fact that i remember it vividly is... weird.

-okay but I actually love the ED in this show. I love how the show is centered around the ED and not the OR like greys. its fast paced, you see a lot about the characters really quickly (one of the reason’s connor’s intro to the hospital in the pilot is certified iconic in my mind [his interactions with will are gold]). the team works well together (usually, when things are good. - which is another reason I hated the show more as time went on. The personal lives interfered more and more and more with their work as time went on. it got so annoying). but like right here will just calls maggies name and maggie is just On It. I love it. I love the fast pace. it’s why this show got me to come back. so many things happen, it overloads my brain, like the way a video game works y occupying all of your attention.

-when is the dad gonna pass out i’m just waiting

-AHAHAHAHAHA JEFF NOOOOO. what even was the deal with jeff that storyline annoyed me so much I never got it. he was friends with nat’s husband (who died) and they were both named Jeff? and she actually ended up getting with Jeff a few times?

- the more you watch med and see how the characters get with each other, the more jaded you become

-omg they’re transferring the girl to the bed i love it when they count

-maggie was great but from what i heard/read they ruined her character too??? just not the same

-lmao only real g’s remember the chicago fire backdoor med pilot (if you want an explanation ask me lmao it was a ride)

- i was a real med simp bc I bought that episode on apple video.

-ahahaha this is so stupid. Jeff tries to do things and Will (being a fucking asshole and jealous, doesnt’ let him). he’s a med student let him fucking learn. also i remember why i hated will

-okay but if you look at greys vs. med, greys literally gives their med students no rights. scratch that. they give they’re interns little to no rights. (i only watched the last three seasons bc lesbian, but in those seasons they introduce the bottom of the totem pole, the sub I’s, who are a step ahead of med students, yet they are jokes on the show.) its just a weird juxtaposition is all.

-”lungs are wet.” dramatic music intensifies.

-OKAY BUT I LITERALLY FORGOT NATALIE SPECIALIZED IN PEDS. LIKE I COMPLETELY 100% FORGOT. HOLY SHIT THATS SO FUNNY i can’t believe in my mass hyperfixation i forgot, just more proof that she doesn’t deserve anything.

-why did will make nat do that call? also idk why but is it weird to anyone else when the characters call each other but just.. their names.

-ahahahah i laugh literally everytime i remember that will is supposed to be in charge like he is threatened by anything that MOVES. (also more juxtapositon to greys bc here the attendings are treated as a joke!)

- hly shit i just remember monday mourning and god damn the angst literally never takes a day off but whatever.

- i dont usually get like this but the dad’s acting here is actually making me sad lol. Usually i get annoyed when family members get emotional (im weird uhhhh)

-why did we have to watch the tube being put in for so long - med is so dramatic this fucking show whyyyy

- i bet u the dad is gonna pass out

-oh ig not oops

-OKAY FUCK ME THAT LITERALLY ONLY TOOK US TO THE TITLES HOW DO I HAVE THESE MANY FUCKING THOUGHTS.

-wait latham introduction we may just be able to call it here.

-haha i fucking hate him (connor). he just... comes off so fake-charming its annoying. i cant get over it lmao

-okay but literally every gives connor shit and I am here for it. Latham: “did you kill him?”

- it is literally so funny but annoy how connor throws hands with literally everyone in his path (like dude just chill come onnn)

-okay. okay. okay. finally the part i was waiting for.

- Latham: I preferred a young woman from Groote Schuur, but I was outvoted.

That’s an actual quote, from Latham. For those who are wondering, Groote Schuur is a famous hospital in, you guessed it, South Africa. This is where I’m calling the episode. This is all I needed.

I just want to restate. This is the first episode of season 2. Ava Bekker is introduced to the show in the last episode of season 2. What does this mean, my friends? It means everything.

For those of you who stuck through to the end, I am very thankful. Here we have probably the first piece of evidence to my theory, at least chronologically.

I, personally, think it’s absurd I remembered this point, but I did. That point, that line, presently, watching this episode with no idea of what the future holds, is only there to tell us that Latham and Connor are not going to agree. But this is the single greatest piece of foreshadowing med has ever done.

Med has never planned anything. I feel confident when I say that. Look at their storylines. They are literally on fire, and every decision the characters make reads like the writers going ‘we have no idea how we made it this far, we thought we would get stopped like ten steps ago.’

When has med ever planned things more than a few episodes in advanced, honestly? Almost never, and going a full season sitting on a plot point, that’s major. This was the first time med has ever planned something miles in advance.

In all honestly, yes I am probably giving the med writers a lot more credit than they deserve. It’s quite possible that as the season progressed they just decided connor needed a new love interest or at least a new dynamic, so they could have just easily looked back and thought ‘oh, hey, here’s a fun little thing we said earlier in the season, wouldn’t it be fun if it paid off?’ That could be true.

Here’s why it probably isn’t. The med writers have no respect for their own continuity. you really think that, in order to come up with a whole new character, they went back to the first episode of the season and paid off a line that is said in less than 2 seconds? no way. Bull. Shit.

honestly, it is probably equally unlikely that either of these things happened. The med writers don’t look back at their story. It’s true, but they also don’t plan things in advance either.

here’s the thing, the more i write, the more absurd it starts to sound. Yeah. Sure. the med writers sat on a character for an entire season, that’s totally a thing that happened and not sarcasm. When pigs fly. everyone knows med is impulsive and messy. But what I am saying is that they planned one thing. One thing.

Ava has an accent. That was a commitment. A pretty uncommon one too. South Africa is such an out of the box choice that god its barely on the map. It asks a lot of someone to act hard while also doing an uncommon accent. If the med writers just decided they needed to give connor a new dynamic, they could have made it a n y o n e. Yeah, sure it would have been nice to have the latham dynamic with the new character, but it would have been so much easier to just create a new character that doesn’t have such a commitment. We all know people who play opposite of Connor Rhodes do not stay around that long.

There is absolutely no reason Connor’s s3 love interest had to be the girl from South Africa. It could have literally been anyone. They could have kept Robin on. They could have made the new character not have so many specific requirements.

At this point, I’m pushing this really hard. Yeah, obviously Ava was planned from the beginning of s2. She had to be. It’s way too specific to be anything else.

What I’m pointing out here is med has never done that before. (at least to my knowledge, if i’m wrong please tell me i don’t want to be a fool) They have never had such a concrete plan for a character, so much as to tease them a full season before they were introduced.

I’m saying, that Ava was special. She was the only character who was teased ahead of her arrival. The one who they knew they wanted, other than the originals, and honestly saying the ‘knew what they wanted to do with the originals’ is being generous. But Ava was different. They had big plans for Ava.

It’s undeniable. Ava was the only character who was planned and teased ahead of her arrival. Ava has such a different style and character than anyone else on the show. She was always planned to be, even when she was just being teased, a rival to connor, meaning she could stand her own against him (or without him).

Now of course, the med writers forgot this when writing s4 and s5. But for the purposes of the important things, all that really matters are the two mentions in s2, and what happens in s3. (for the theory at least).

In conclusion: think about how odd it is that Ava was the only character that was planned over the course of the show. Like sure the characters are planned, but never this far in advance. Med writers don’t really plan anything. I would be shocked if they did anything but through a dart at a spinning wheel. But they had plans for Ava, and they had plans for s3, when she was good.

Think about how odd it is that the med writers had a character planned from the start of s2, that they sat on for a whole season. They never, ever did something so slow and deliberate. Never. It goes against their formula. Like a fucking shark, they have to be moving or they die, at least in their heads. But Ava was always a change to the formula. They had a plan for s3.

that’s it for now. we will see what happens when i watch the last episode of s2.

read the next parts:

Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Extra

#chicago med #med rewatch series #mine #soul care #ava bekker

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prettywordsyouleft · 5 years

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About Me Tag

I was tagged by my lovelies, @ahgase55g7 and @itsallabigmess

The rules are:

1. Tag the person who tagged you

2. Answer the questions.

3. Tag 10 people

Let’s get it started!

•How tall are you?

161.5cm... oh yeah, cannot forget the .5 lol

•What color and style is your hair?

Naturally it was golden strawberry blonde, but I started colouring it as a teen and right now it’s a cool toned light brown.

•What color are your eyes?

Blue-grey

•Do you wear glasses?

I have an astigmatism, so yes I do. And even when I wear my prescription sunglasses, the light reflecting in a different way than normal still can blind me when outside. It’s so annoying and I literally don’t know how Kyungsoo does anything without his glasses on because I struggle and I know his astigmatism is worse than mine lol.

•Do you wear braces?

No, but I really should have gotten them earlier in life.

•What’s your fashion sense?

I like to follow some fashion trends, but to also be comfortable. I’m plus-sized so my clothing choices aren’t always what I’d like to wear (I wish to be able to wear cute oversized jumpers but whenever I do, I look fatter so that sucks) but I do still try to have pieces that make me feel pretty and extenuate the right curves.

•Full name?

Rochelle. I go by Rochelle for my work only. I don’t dislike my name, but I’m just so used to being called Chelle that I always feel odd when people call me it as a friend, haha.

•When were you born?

The same day as Shownu from Monsta X, just 6 years before him XD (18 June)

•Where are you from and where do you live now?

New Zealand

•What school do you go to?

I graduated university back in 2013 though if I could be back in school, I would be. I love learning.

•What kind of student are you?

The one who loves to learn and soak in new information but will easily over stress when the workload towards exams increases lol.

Also, the one who had a notebook for taking all lecture notes down in and then had separate course books where I would come home and rewrite my notes out with colours and in a presentable manner. Talk about perfectionist much >_> The plus side is you get to take the information in again and fully cement the ideas into your head by re-writing so it’s not all bad.

•Do you like school?

I did for learning, not for socialising - I was always an outsider despite my efforts.

•Favorite subject?

History

•Favorite TV show?

I don’t watch normal TV as I’m weird like that and there’s just too many k-dramas to watch.

I don’t know if I have a favourite k-drama of all time either, but I do generally love shows with Park Hae Jin or Jung Hae In in them because I just love these two actors so much. Actually, I have a few actors that I will watch the show, regardless of genre for because I love them a lot.

Pray for me when I finally get to Priest on my list, I don’t do thrillers but I do do Yeon Woojin >___>

•Favorite Movie?

I again don’t really have just one favourite movie? I love Studio Ghibli films, and also get excited over most of the Marvel Universe movies - with Winter Soldier being my favourite (I love Bucky too much oops). But I can say easily that my favourite Disney movie is The Princess and The Frog. I feel I relate well to Tiana a lot in personality lol.

•Favorite books?

Howl’s Moving Castle by Diana Wynne-Jones.

Favorite pastime?

Writing, horse riding, bullet journalling, crafting, watching k-dramas.

•Do you have any regrets?

Of course, life isn’t perfect. The two biggest are not stopping my Dad from driving home that fateful evening so he would still be alive now, and not getting VIP tickets when B.A.P came here because I didn’t think my disabled leg could handle standing all that time.. I would now go back and risk injury just to have gotten to be that close to them all hahaha.

But life is life, and I try to hold faith that everything happens for a reason, even if it means we lose some really important people along the way. Sorry, got deep there!

•Dream job?

I’ll give you a little hint, it’s what I do every day on this blog!

•Would you ever like to be married?

If someone could implore me to want that with them, definitely. Reality however shows I’ll be forever alone because I’m too set in my ways and don’t get out and socialise often. And I’m okay with that!

•Would you like to have kids?

I’m unsure these days. Last year I was saving towards fertility treatment to be a mother by choice. Lately, I don’t think I can handle it. I guess time will tell.

•How many?

1-2

•Do you like shopping?

I’m pretty bad with money, so yeah, I love to shop for things I totally don’t need. Like more pens even when I have a stack load of them. My weaknesses are stationery goods, clothing, and buying pretty yarn even when I have two bins full to use up first... sigh.

•What countries have you visited?

•Scariest nightmare you have ever had?

Whenever I dream of losing people in my life. Since Dad’s death, those nightmares really make me panic badly.

Also, I have a recurring nightmare/dream that I’m certain is my past life, but I won’t get into it here lol.

•Any enemies?

My inner critic (:

•Any significant other?

Haha.

•Do you believe in miracles?

I like to.

•How are you?

Today I feel pretty awful. Yesterday I fainted and today’s not very good either. It’s just something I sometimes have to face when my body is suffering. Being a woman sucks.

But mood wise, I’m feeling pretty good!

I tag (sorry if you’ve been tagged already): @jinyoungmoans @this-song-thats-only-for-you @mark-tuan-and-namjoon-lover @smiley-jinyoung @starhibiki @listlessmaenads @noona-clock @ongsung @tuanyiems @baekhyunbitz

#get to know the blogger #pwyl; tagged

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exiting-the-void · 6 years

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If there was one girl you could have back who would it be? And why? Apart from your most recent ex because that would be obvious

Tumblr AnswerIt's a differcult one to answer. I've had many great relationships. Some lasted longer than others, but I dated these girls because they all had something in common. They each had a lovely and caring heart. They also each meant alot to me. I'd narrow it down from 4 of my main relationships. You guys remember Abi right? She helped me out when my followers chart went through the roof.Then there is Becca. We have alot of history and you're about to get a history lesson in a moment also.Then there is Ellie and Georgia.Georgia was my first love so I wish things could have happened differently.So I'm not going to talk about this separately. I'm going to go back to when I was 13 when me and Becca first dated.Then that led to Georgia, Georgia led to Abi and then Ellie came out of nowhere.So here is the story for your question.I'll make it as short as possible because otherwise this story would fill 300 pages easily.Becca and I went to the same primary school. So we knew of each other from the age of 6.I always had a little thing for her. My best friend Liam was living at there's for a few years with his mum. So I was there an awful lot. We turned 12 and 13. I was the older one. And we were speaking on Facebook, decided to meet up a few times. And decided to start dating. It snowed that year on her 13th birthday. I gave her a card with £5 because I'm classy like that. We went to Mcdonalds and held hands in a company of her two best friends. That relationship ended in about 3 weeks. It was petty. I think we might have kissed three times. I don't know hahaWe drifted. Again almost a year later the same thing happened. It was September. We were meeting up alot. We were at a friend's house, drinking cheap alcohol. And we kissed. We dated again for another 3 weeks just for it to come to another end. This time we actually snogged.We are now in 2009, September. I seen her in Mcdonalds and alot of memories came back to me. Regrets of leaving her ect.. I knew I didn't really deserve another chance but I chanced it anyway. We went out one night with friends. I was abit Drunk. Told her how I felt. Told her I'd remember it all in the morning. Which I did. So I repeated myself. We trialed for a short while. I played and sang whatcha say by Jason durulo and asked her out at the end of it. She said yes.Halloween we went to a party. I got way too pisses and told her about my self harming. A month or two went by and I broke up with her because I forseen my future and told her that she wouldn't want to be apart of that. My vision became true eventually. A year or two passed with us not being in contact again. I met a girl. The first girl I ever truly loved. Georgia. So I met Georgia in school. She was running around the yard with my friend, I instantly liked her.. We got talking. We met up alot. I Began to really like her. We held hands and I felt so fucking good. I loved her already. We kissed. It was amazing. I loved everything about that moment. I told her I had 5 words for you. Will you be my girlfriend. She said yes. I felt so fucking good. Now I was a horrible person in school. Always fighting. Never lost one, only ever been punched in the face 4" times, one of them times wasn't even in a fight. Just some drunk idiot, I let it slide, I have no time for that shit now. Off subject.... Anyway, she changed me for the better. My school suspensions lowered by 80%..i was sent home from school almost weekly. I had the record of most sent home, suspensions, in the school. It was bad. I had over 300 from when I first started high school. I was troubled with mental health they didn't understand. So we agreed that each week I behaved I'd be rewarded with a kit kat. Yeah maybe that sounds silly but it worked. It just a little fun on the side I guess.Then becca and I started talking again. As usual, coming up to Christmas our time of year. It was nice, we spent time together again. Nothing was going on. It came past Christmas, she spent new years with me and down my nanas.my nana wouldn't let us sleep in the same room even though nothing would have happened. I had alot of respect for this girl. She said to me don't leave me. I said I'd never leave you. My biggest promise I'd ever broken. Anyway.. The new year, the worst year of my life. I was turning 16.I started to gain feelings for becca again. Everything went tits up. Valentines day I was with Georgia, but wanted to be with becca. I had been planning to break up with Georgia for a week or two to go with becca. I got Georgia a teddy bear. She named it Jack. My heart snapped. I felt like crying and I felt so fucking terrible because I could tell she was starting to love me. My feelings were all over the place.Anyway we broke up. I instantly I knew it was thoughts over feelings. I made the biggest regret of my life there and then. I told becca I couldn't do it and I wanted Georgia. Probably guessed that me and becca fell out and stopped speaking again.Me and Georgia got back together. I told her I. Loved her. My birthday passed. I could tell she didn't want to be there. She broke up with me. I cried for weeks. I self harmed. It was all my fault. I was a total dick. I didn't cheat on her. Not once. But I did tell becca I had feelings for her. I then lost the first love of my life. And my best friend.Time went on as it does. September. I had a girlfriend. The first girl I had sex with who had broken up with me, I was instantly hurt. But Georgia was still on my mind. Always was. But then there was Abi. She held me in a forest when I was crying because of this break up with Molly. I always new Abi liked me. I can detect alot from. People and emotions and feelings are the easiest.Me and Abi became close friends after that. It snowed one day. The video snow day on my. Youtube is the day in question. Great day. I realised that day I liked Abi.We grew closer. We had a very intense week to our build up for our kiss. I knew exactly where I wanted to do it and how I wanted to do it, so I planned it out for about a week. And it was the best build up and first kiss I've ever had. It was something from a movie. Fabulous.We spent a lot of time together. Some of the best days of my life were with Abi. We got on really well. Knew each other really well. Put up with each others shit really well, sometimes.. However this was when I started to smoke weed alot of more than when I started which was not long after my break up with Georgia. One night we went camping with some friends of mine. We seen the stars. It was beautiful. I said some cheesy shit and she said she was ready.We contected a lot better after that night. We had alot of good times. Nice short adventures, watched some movies. Spoke alot on personal levels. And I fell in love again but I held back because of the hurt.Really Im finding it hard to love. I will find it hard to ever truly love again. I've given and sometimes wasted my energy and love on other people rarther than myself. Love isn't as strong or controlling to me as it once was before. And that really makes me sad.So I became un loyal to Abi as Georgia stepped back into my life and so did all the feelings I left behind. I told Georgia I loved her still. Which I did. But I had spoken to Georgia off and on constantly. But she wouldn't tell me that no we would not ever get together again. She left me feeling I had a chance. So I couldn't let go. Abi found out about this. But I could be wrong here but this I think happened on the second time me and Abi dated. We were off and on abit. I wasn't loyal in our break up either. It was in Facebook and she didn't know I broke up with her until a week later when I had to explain that our conversation last week was me breaking up with you. Yeah I felt like a twat, but I deserved it.Time went by. I was doing alot more drugs. My great nana died. Abi was there for me, my friend died the next day in a car crash. Wasn't a massive Friend. But someone I knew and got on with really well, seen quite often and even spoken to her on the phonea few hours before she died. Abi was great. No matter how many times I hurt her (not physically) she'd still be there for me. So thank you for that Abi.Come August me and becca were good friends again. Me and Abi were a little more distant now. Anyway that was a fun summer. Drug use, increased. I got in trouble and went away for two years. Becca and Abi were there for support the whole way through. Amazing people. We are still in contact now, and remain close and good friends.Georgia and I haven't spoken for a few years and I managed to get over her 4 years after our break up.Then Ellie. The last one. What it was about Ellie was that she was just an incredible person. Lovely, fun, we connected on many levels. Loved the same things, and she was always up for having a good time. We'd go on walks, climb things, drink, I had stopped doing drugs at this point for a good while. So I didn't participate in the weed smoking or anything more. But she was An all around great girl. Always honest and said it like it is. And we were very alike. So thats why she is here in the chart. Not a big story. But i wish it lasted longer and didn't end the way it did. We Still talk a little and always happy to see each other. We broke up because she had feelings for an ex. And I know how that feels and told her she needs time on her own to figure shit out. And ended on good terms anyway.So there are your four. There are more but I choose these because of the stories, how alike we all are on different levels. Also to how happy they made me feel. But becca was the biggest part in my life and in this story. But the long story would see differently and it would be Georgia. This is honestly as short as I can keep it.But the truth is, I wouldn't want any of them back. I wouldnt want to do it all over again. We broke up for a reason, and they are my exes for a reason. Without them and what we went through, I wouldnt be in the position I'm in now. Talking to all you lovely followers. Getting to know you all individually and helping you guys out. I wouldn't have the amazing friends I have today. I wouldn't have my characteristics I have, my loving heart. I'd be a different person and most times I like who I am. I'm glad what happened happened. Just maybe not in the circumstances they happened in. But everything happens for a reason. Not one of them would I want back in my life, besides the point two of them already are. But everything happens for a reason. But if if there was one I could do it all over again with, it would be Georgia.

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s3venpounds · 6 years

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1 - 40

jesus buddy, if you wanted to know more about me just friend me somewhere and talk to me facebook,discord,overwatch,psn, snapchat w.e! haha i dont bite!

also this is gonna be really feckin long

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.

How to train your dragon (1 and 2 i can’t decide) I fucking LOVE dragons. the idea to fucking ride one in the sky?!?! fucking DOPE. the idea that theyre also SCALY DOGS?!?!? MOTHER.FUCKING.DOPE. i just associate the idea of freedom with flying through the sky and that feeling was conveyed really well in that movie so i really loved it!

2: Talk about your first kiss.

honestly? kinda dumb now that i look back on it. it was a peck, i wasn’t even like mentally prepared and it happened way faster than i thought. If i knew it was going to happen i would have really like milked that fucker. i woulda went romance movie on that shit with all the extra shit like groping and weird inhaling noises and kissing so hard your teeth almost clink together. but yknow coulda woulda shoulda

3: Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for.

theyre not a part of my life anymore which admittedly fucking sucks but i think its for the better at least for them. do i wish it worked out and we were together? i mean yeah duh, the reasons i fell for them don’t fucking disintegrate/ i just have more information than i had when i first met that person. will i actually actively pursuit them in the chance to be with them again? hell no. i’m tired. and i’ve seen enough “ self confidence” posts on here to think “ hey if someone really wanted me in their life they would go out of their way to do so and seeing as they haven’t even messaged me in god knows how long then its safe to say theyre off being happy

4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.

man i haven’t seen this person is literally almost 20 years. I need to apologize. or at the very fucking least, see how theyre been doing. its driving me mad just trying to picture how theyre living and just coming up with a giant question mark.

5: Talk about the best birthday you’ve had.

lets be real bro most of my birthdays have been shit so i gave up on tryna make them memorable or fun, ‘s just another day to me. i mean the best one would have to be this one time i got a gameboy advance but thats pretty much it

6: Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had.

yknow how everyone says “ OH MY GOD WE SHOULD KEEP IN TOUCH” once you move? yeah thats bullshit. honest to god bullshit. i kept tabs on everyone when i moved to a different city and when i came down to visit for my birthday inviting all those people who supposed “wanted to keep in touch with me” literally 1 person showed up. and i think they only showed up because our parents were friends too. so yeah. fuck people sometimes.

7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.

hygiene. breath, hair, clothes, eating habits, manners, anything that might make me come off as unclean to people im trying to impress drives me off the fucking wall. specially at formal events. if im wearing snazzy clothing at like a suite 16 or a debut or a wedding bet you $100 that im adjusting little aspects of my appearance every like 15 seconds. eating mints the second one is finished, trying not to be too close to someones face when talking, even when i fucking fart i always take note of which way the wind is blowing, or im sitting down on something that can absorb the stench, how much pressure is in my gut and how much of it can i let out in small bursts to avoid sound. that or asian dick syndrome. yknow. haha asians got a small dick? that kinda shit bugs me a bit. not a ton but more than i thought it would

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.(i am literally only 8 questions in and my fingers are a little sore from typing)

my singing and impressions? i once scared some friends when i imitated a party blower kazoo thingy since the ones they bought from the dollarstore didnt make any sound. same as my singing, i tend to get high scores and i impressed my cousins once with a perfect score on a backstreet boys song HEH

9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.

my biceps? theyre not like chris hemsworth level of meaty but like when i worked at this physically demanding job my coworkers are like “ woah dude ur arms are different from mine, if you worked out theyd look so ripped” that kinda stuck with me for a while specially knowing they were a football jock and they had their own special diet and fitness instructor or something. i also like my smile/ jaw shape? my hair can look pretty good too sometimes

10: Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had.

my family is very passive aggressive oh and racist

11: Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had.

i once had this dream where i had reallllly passionate sex and it felt real and i could feel like every little detail down to like hairs brushing my skin on my arms and shit. i swear to this day it was a modern day succubus or something

12: Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had.

that dream where i was a bird and flying away from”something” just all my instincts telling me to RUN. or that dream where i got shot in the hand, chest then the head and before i blacked out i said “Ch*****” who incidentally i was going to see later that day which made things very awkward at least for me

13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.

it was pretty good. looking back i was probably shit in bed hahaha first time so of course theres shit to work out.

14: Talk about a vacation.

hit on by a cousin AND their gay friend. to which the cousin threatened me with self harm but the gay friend took the rejection very easily it was almost baffling in comparison (although the second the settled down they started to bash on me for rejecting their friend) also ate some REALLLLLY garlic covered crab the smell took 5 washes to get out… also got to ride in the back of a truck as its driving at like 120 mph and flying off all these little hills and tracking mud everywhere it was great

15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.

she was in my arms fast asleep and i took a photo. she didnt like that but let me keep the pic so that was nice.

16: Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to.

i can’t really remember any that stand out they were all equally fun. dont get me wrong some were super fun its just that it was also followed by a lot of bad choices that kinda take it down a notch. i will say this one party a friend hosted where i got to meet a BUNCH of new people. i also snorted some fundip powder as a dare. they refuse to let it go so i figure might as well own it. i also landed some sweet shots in beerpong

17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.

ellen paige would be dope to be friends with. same with zendaya. and gal gadot just so i can like sit in her presence and be in awe for extended periods of time

18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school.

i was cheating on a test and my so called friend ratted me out never talked to him again that white privilege lookin hoe

19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.

i stopped talking to a friend that id thought i would be friends with for my whole life. i also became friends with my current best friend

20: Talk about something that happened in high school.

people are dumb. drama is dumb. people who seek out this kinda shit needa leave me the hell alone. and if youre going to challenge me to a fight, tell me about said fight so i can show up. dont march around telling people ur gonna fight me and not tell me so i dont show up and make it look like i pussied out. like for real?

21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.

oh yeah like the vacation one said : shit got really weird. and to have that sorta conversation on spotty wifi in an airport in south korea meaning jet lag is also disorienting af

22: Talk about your worst fear.

death. nuff said

23: Talk about a time someone turned you down.

it sucked but it happens so like.? lmao i dont really know waht to say but it sucked

24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.

i have a horrible memory and on top of that my mind moves at like 32754895274 miles a second so i dont keep stuff in mind a lot in the first place. i can’t really think of anything that had so much impact that i’ve remembered it. well i mean there was this one song a friend told me about in a letter and to this day i’ve kept remembering the same verse “ maybe if we met each other under a different sky maybe things would be much better between you and i”

25: Talk about an ex-best friend.

we just….grew apart. and if we tried to be friends now im sure there would be tension and unease. hes just in a different friend circle. i dont hate him for it i just feel like hes living in a world of white and im living in a world of black like its just plain and simple

26: Talk about things you do when you’re sick.

on the computer. i can’t rest when im sick. i just keep trudging along. school, work, hangouts, i still go. i just take precautions to not spread it

27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body.

neck? shoulder? hands? face? hair? idk dood i don’t really like specific places more of how WELL those parts can mesh together to make this beautiful being.

28: Talk about your fetishes.

y’all about to learn some shit because im gonna teach you a thing about me. pov’s, deepthroat/gagging, emo/goth, anal, massage, ropes and power trips, asians, tentacles if im feeling kinky, hentai /cartoon shit, glory holes, dirty talk and asmr (who woulda thought theres porn for that huh?), ahegao(being fucked silly or till your mind breaks into being nothing but a cumdump), swallowing, threesomes, double penetration, latex is pretty cool too, cosplays are nice if the characters are ones i recognize, tittyfucks, source film maker porn of like video game characters are getting pretty professional nowadays, lesbian, orgys, teenage girls and old ass guys, horse dicks and girls who try to take em, i got turned on by a girl fucking a dog once so i guess bestiality is a thing, oh i saw this scene in a movie im not sure if it was real it seems kinda hazy but it involved necrophilia but im not sure if it turned me on or it was so weird i’ve memorized it because of how weird it was. chicks with dicks fucking other chicks. and a plethora of other weird shit. i dont know what fetishes count and what doesn’t so i just listed whatever came to mind as i wrote have fun with that shit

29: Talk about what turns you on.

short hair, asian heritage, playful and lighthearted but can be lustful as all hell, shorter than me, big boobs is a plus, mid driffs, underboob, small frame or face, scent( god if you smell good thats instant brownie points with me), likes anime, high pitch voices are cute as hell, very physically intimate, loves PDA’s, yeah i can’t really think of much

30: Talk about what turns you off.

uhh smells bad?, when their personality is bland/boring, or just shit. over timidness i get being shy but like if you can’t trust that the person youre interested in then like what am i supposed to do. i literally dated a girl who was so sheepish all i could do was ask her yes or no questions. and honestly that got old really fucking fast. i get she was trying but like i can only finesse so much of a relationship man. bad hygiene holy fuck. if you got like ear wax showin our ur ears, or like a bleeding pimple in plain view and refuse to at least dab it with a wet cloth or tissue then pls its not gonna work out. dandruff oh my gOD. dandruff would drive me nuts. like if i get close enough to see individual fucking flakes im gonna tear my whole scalp off

31: Talk about what you think death is like.

i feel like our bodies stop responding but our “souls” are still present there trapped screaming and trying to move our body but can’t. and thats why burials and shit sound so terrifying

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.

dont need to. im a couple blocks away i can visit it any time. (my elementary and middle school the neighbourhood surrounding it was also where i used to live so that was dope)

33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.

i force myself to get MORE sad so i can get it all out in one go and much faster. like how the human mind can only get so angry that the brain gives up and just tries to find another way to spend its time.

34: Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured.

when i was a kid me and bunch of other kids decided to clog a slide with just a shit ton of people and one of my friends who came after me kept pushing me to the point i was hanging on for dear life using only my knee down that was wedged between a fat kid and my friend who went after me. i fell off eventually knocking skulls with another kid near the end of the slide(this slide was shaped like a spring so that explains why there were kids under me) my arm bend backwards for a sec after hitting another kid’s legs, and then i fell chest and fast first on the asphalt winding myself. kids are rugged as all hell man they can really take a hit. i walked it off but god damn if i didnt get bruises and shit afterwards. or that time i got beaten so bad by father dearest because work was stressful and i ended up blacking out. wasn’t even allowed to go to the hospital. just kinda laid down in my room with bruises all over.

35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.

relying on people for happiness. distracting myself from sadness and responsibilities. procrastinating in general

36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.

i dont really feel guilt save for some specific circumstances. ask any of my friends. does that mean im a sociopath or whatever?

37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.

they just got out of a relationship with someone and was avoiding them profusely and i just started to get to know them. we got to the point that when she was ready we could date. little did i know that later, she would end up dating a friend of mine. to which i promptly had the appropriate reaction of crying myself to sleep, sending that friend a text message with all the things he should know to keep that girl happy and ultimately smashing a lot of things (some bottles actually because we were gonna build a sculpture or something together with em. man middle school was a fucking RIDE)

38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.

mmmmmm i would prefer to keep those underwraps.

39: Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier.

family will be there for you in the end. (not because they want to but because the world teaches them that they have to meaning they will help just in their own way and to their own ends.) friends come and go. they always have always will. anyone who says forever is a fuckin idiot. lovers come and go thats just a natural part of growing up. and lets be real all the people that said they would self harm ultimately never did so dont stress it so much god damn(but dont let it slide either)

40: Talk about the end of something in your life.

how about the end of my interest in anime and video games. nothing seems to really interest me anymore. everything is just kinda “meh”

#ask me shit #its fun to tell people way more shit than they wanted

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novapark · 7 years

Text

I owe you all some replies

So let’s get to it. ^.^

msmidnightblonde replied to your photoset “Hey pretty thing how’s it goin’ on with you tonight?.” “Well I’m at...”

I like how he started singing a different tune preeeeeetty quickly. hah

LOL like the elimination made him wise up right? A couple of them seemed like that. And others seemed to get more angsty heh.

msmidnightblonde replied to your photoset “kittykat8311: sauvamente: Who are they waving too? Ghosts? Gotta...”

pahaha some people man.

LOL right? Even the one they shared looks pretty bare of spectators. *eyeroll*

msmidnightblonde replied to your photoset “Seriously with as dirty as you are you’d think you’d accept it a bit...”

lol hipster kissing lips. I. am. dying.

elisabettasims replied to your photoset “Seriously with as dirty as you are you’d think you’d accept it a bit...”

skank juice, LOL

They are both kind of eloquent with the way they talk aren’t they?

msmidnightblonde replied to your photoset “So Kelsey how many guys have you been with?” “Wow way to go...”

haha Oh Davis. I adore you. Also, yes, I see that he enjoys being shirtless. *takes notes* lol

Yeah like unless we leave the house he just kind of roams around in just his sleep clothes hahaha.

hureuf replied to your photoset “Course in some cases it didn’t seem to improve things all that much. ”

Keep trying bb maybe she's just pmsing

hureuf replied to your photoset “Course the fact I put in a spa might have something to do with it....”

Oh my god, you are FINALLY doing something

God they are just so damn infuriating right?

hellokawaiipotato replied to your photoset “If you want I can show you things I can swallow.” “C’mon girl now...”

My dirty mind immediately went to the best place

It’s really the only place to go in that reply, lol.

anchoredsims replied to your photoset “Obligatory omg I love teh tots post. ”

Oh how cuuuuute. ^__^

God I freakin love that kid, that save is just full of adorable toddling goodness. Course he is like more than half way to a teen in my game now. D:

s3ns2 replied to your photoset “Unsurprisingly it was a den of distraction and no one talked to each...”

Kai an Kels always seem to be sat next to each other so even if he doesn't win seems he got a bestie

They do seem to like to chat a lot and giggle between the two of them but whenever she hits on him it’s like waht wah.

s3ns2 replied to your photoset “Kelsey left their game to say hi to Kai since he was off all by his...”

ahahah hes such a dick bless her

I swear it’s like he’s okay with the attention but doesn’t approve with the way she does it, lol.

s3ns2 replied to your photoset “Wow… nice guys. “I can’t believe we just missed a high five.” “Hey I...”

lmfao idiots ;'D

I about died when I saw that. I had it happen before in game but it had been a long time, lol.

s3ns2 replied to your post “Ya know I don’t terribly mind when people use my sims, even as bases...”

Thats such a shame someone did that, takes 2 seconds to tag the creator :(

The thing with her is she didn’t want to say they were not hers. I didn’t even care if she didn’t recognize it publically, I just wanted her to admit they were mine to me personally cause seriously they were faves and I shouldn’t have uploaded them. One sims name was exactly the same and the others had like only the first bit of her name cut off, like a cutesy nickname of her actual name so it wasn’t as clear of a rip off. Like it was pretty blatant to me cause I know what they look like in various types of make up but she refused to admit she had done it. I even said “maybe you forgot downloading them’ and then she just blocked me. Then she went off publicly even though I didn’t call her out directly on here about it she started tagging all the posts with them “MY SIMS CAUSE I GUESS I HAVE TO SAY THAT NOW.” Whatever little bitch, if it helps you sleep at night.

s3ns2 replied to your photo “Quick look at the un-berried version. ”

do you know where his hairs from? i love!!!

I got his version from GLW here but I have since retextured it myself. It is a really nice one.

hureuf replied to your photoset “They put us all in the same fuckin’ room now! Can you believe that...”

Stop being a little bitch Fergus *rolls eyes*

To be fair, they all are kinda bitches, lol.

hureuf replied to your photoset “Made some changes round the lot to cultivate some more friendly...”

That fucking sauna set up is my BIGGEST regret from my "Josi's BC" because that's all they fucking did! Never. Again.

Yeah I had that issue in my last one I did last year so I tuned it down this time. It’s still a favorite place but it’s not like how it was in the other save.

simcatcher replied to your photoset “Hey Kelsey hold on, about earlier… I wanted to apologize.” “For...”

Okay he's my fave

Haha he’s such a dick sometimes though. Course most of my guys are kind of assholish so he fits right in I guess, lol.

msmidnightblonde replied to your photo “I’m alright… I mean I haven’t had a lot of boyfriends…” “I think...”

lookit this smooth talkin' fool. heheh

Bringin’ out the charisma like a boss.

simcatcher replied to your photoset “Seems actually the elimination may have lit a bit of fire under some...”

Omg ! They actually CAN not scream at each other eveytime ahah

I know I was surprised myself.

ciarasia replied to your photoset “So you wanna play tag or something? Usually you’re game for that by...”

only in the sims will grown adults play tag

I used to play airsoft all the time in my early 20′s, that’s kind of like tag for adults,lol.

gaiahypothesims replied to your post “The mysterious smoke monster”

Zeff is totally going to turn out to be a Werewolf. ;)

HAHAHA and he could feesably in my game too, though I don’t typically use the werewolf form cause the dang fool form always resets during the full moon. Like I’ll spend forever transferring over their sliders and it looks good until the next full moon and then RAAAAWRR. Idk how I would do it nowadays. My friend used a dog in her story to represent their form. I write them more as changlings, actually that’s essentially what Kataratosi (Kelsey’s family) were before Retirement day.

crownmesims replied to your photoset “And for the other, Wyatt.. I’m sorry. I just don’t think we’ve been...”

Kai looks so pleased about this XD

Yeah he is relishing a bit much in the poor dude’s misery there, lol.

ashuriphoenix replied to your post “The mysterious smoke monster”

Weird. You could always try to reset the object in DebugEnabler. :/ May or may not help, and may or may not kick the sims using it off, so wait until they're done. xD

I did try after I saw your comment, no dice! Thank you though, such a quirky glitch, had it forever.

#ashuriphoenix #msmidnightblonde #elisabettasims #hureuf #simcatcher #ciarasia #crownmesims #hellokawaiipotato #replies

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noobsurveys · 5 years

Text

who was the last person who unexpectedly texted you? driver teacher what was the last thing you carried to your room? water bottle when’s the next time you’ll be drinking? saturday Looking forward to something this weekend? drinking w my buds Has anyone smoked in your car? i cant drive but i’ve been in smoke cars yes

which class are you doing the worst in? chemistry best thing that happened to you this summer? got closer to my friends. kinda overcame alcoholism. do you think if you want a guy’s attention engaging him then ignoring him works? uh nah i think you should actively engage with people ur interested in something you wish your parents would let you do: i can do mostly whatever i want do you like people that remind you of yourself? yeah my best friend is very much alike myself. but i think all kinds of people can be fun. Do you donate anything? no Is there anyone you are holding a grudge against? not that i can think of Is there anyone holding a grudge against you? probably!!

Did you get into and attend your first choice college? probably wont!! When was the first moment you discovered love? guess i discovered familial love pretty early. platonic friendly love a bit late but when i did i fell hard. i dont think i understand romantic love yet, but i’ll get there eventually. How long has it been since you’ve ridden a school bus? couple of months. though around 3 years since i used to ride them regularly. What do you think of frogs? i think they’re pretty neat but i do get a bit frightened when they suddenly appear out of nowhere with their little legs Whats the worst Christmas present you’ve ever gotten? probably uhh socks or nasty candy What would you do if someone told you that you were the most beautiful person in the world and they wanted to wake up to you every morning? i’d be a bit dumbfounded since that’s really unexpected! but happy, sure, thats very sentimental and nice. i’d feel pressured though, i wouldnt want to make a committment just based on someones sudden love (infatuation) confession.

Are you the person to open a box of cereal just to get the toy inside? we never had cereal toys in my country

Do you get scared easy? not really. i can get paranoid and anxious on rare occasions.

What was one of the stupidest things you cried over when you were little? time passing. it still makes me tear up tbh i dont think i’ll ever learn how to deal with how short life is and how people will walk out of your life never to be seen again. past moments will never be experienced again. nothing will be the same, for better or worse.

Have you ever drank milk from the carton? i take a swig every morning

Juice or milk? juice for booze

Do you ever turn off your computer properly? tbh i’ve been slacking on that lol

Do you wish you were a fish? no

Who’s your favorite super hero? not a big superhero person! i guess iron man or spiderman

Who’s your favorite super villian? t h a n o s

Spiderman or X-men? Spiderman

Movie theatre or stay at home movie night? home

Do you have a Blue Ray? no but i think my lil netflix box can play blurays

How about HD television? yes

Do you think HD television is kind of a waste of money? nahh not if you have people over often. kind of a bummer to watch movies on a computer.

Do you get why people get so fricken freaked out during football season? i understand the nationalistic exitement but i dont understand the absolute freakouts some people have over it

Do you ever sneak scraps to the dog even though you’re not suppose to? only when i spill stuff on the floor

Are you reading a book right now? If so what? not a big book person

What was the last book you were required to read for school? hunger by knut hamsun

O donuts or jelly filled? o i guess but donuts are kinda gross

Do you like your icecream in a bowl or cone? bowl

Marshmellows in your hot chocolate or no? no

Do you like cherry coke? No.

Do you really think diet Dr. Pepper is the equivalent of a cupcake? never tasted it, i imagine its gross

Do you snore in your sleep? Drool? Talk? i think i snore a bit, to my great shame. i fucking hate snoring.

Have you ever sleep walked? not that i know of

Are you a morning person? depends on how well rested i am

How do you wake up in the mornings? alarm clock, parents wake me, or by myself (rare)

Do you think guyliner is hot? it can be

Is variety the spice of life? absolutely, but “same old” has a special place in my heart

Do you think strawberry milk is disgusting? yep

Have you ever drank after anyone? sharing drinks? yeah all the time

Have you ever drank after anyone you don’t know very well? yeah i tend to ask strangers for a sip and offer them some of mine oops

Do you have any limits on who you drink/eat after? not after like... drooly children or elderly people. or people i think are gross in general.

Would you eat a sucker if someone already ate some of it? uh really depends on who it was

Would you chew somebody elses gum? i’d have to know them very well! but i dont see the point

Do you enjoy school? i like the social aspect of it... and it’s fun when i do well but uhh im getting a bit tired.

Are you a teacher’s pet? sometimes, unintentionally. teachers love me for some reason.

Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? all the time babey

What’s more important? Beauty or brains? well you gotta have some beauty for me to wanna get to know your brain. but ultimately personality is more important. i dont think “brains” as in supreme intellectual is really any important.

Do you believe in yourself? ah well in certain areas. been losing some motivation about my future professional life n shit.

Did you ever want to be an astronaut when you were little? oh yes, still kinda do

How about the president? no, ew

What did you want to be when you were little? rich and funny

Did you ever want to be a super model? no that seems really stressful

Do you believe your attractive enough to be a super model? haha no maybe if i went skellymode. you dont really need a gorgeous face to model, just the right body type and aesthetic. but im too clumsy and awkward when i walk to be on the catwalk.

Have you ever had an X-ray? yeah when i was in a car crash. totally unnecessary i just did it to skip school.

What’s your favorite guy’s name? What’s your favorite girl’s name? really havent thought about it. i like classic names from my country though.

Do you laugh to yourself whenever the ketchup bottle farts? nah fam

Do you have any real guns in your house? only softguns and airsnipers

What do you want to be next Holloween? 80s coke dealer

Are you a pyro? i enjoy flames and i’ve had a little history of setting fire to shit but im not a pyro

What was the last word/thing you wrote down? this shit. physically, chemistry notes.

Sleeping or eating? white bitch never eat, never sleep. nah but sleep is more important for my functioning i guess.

Are you overall a positive person? yeah i tend to always look on the bright side of things, to other peoples annoyance. i’ve been described as naive and unrealistic but hey, it’s all gonna be fine man dont worry.

Do you hate hypocrites? i do find it annoying.

Do you like to prank people? not mean pranks but a little goof is always welcome

Is vacuum spelled funny? haha cum

Democrat or republican? fuck american politics. im near-centre purple on the compass.

Who’s the biggest asshole you know? my dog Pen or pencil? pen

Should all paper have holes? doesnt matter, can just punch one in

Have you ever been in a fist fight? yeah

Ever said something to someone that you didn’t mean to say? of course

Do you forgive too easilly? yeah i guess. it takes a lot to make me really dislike a person to the point of not forgiving their shortcomings/mistakes.

What are you listening to right now? zero

Are you tan? not really

Ever had a sunburn? yeah i always get them on my cheeks, it sucks

What was the first word you learned how to say? mama or papa

What was the last thing that upset you? chemistry exam What is something you are behind on? chemistry exam

Do you feel de-valued? meh maybe sometimes but im probably not Are you wearing winter clothes or summer clothes today? jeans and a cozy lil sweater! more wintery What is your favorite winter drink at Starbucks? only time i went to starbucks i got a plain iced coffee. so that.

Do you buy or make your Christmas cards? both Do you regret things often, or do you make the right decisions for you? i regret many things after some afterthought. in the moment i think i make good desicions but it often comes back to bite me in the ass when i realized i was wrong. At what time does it get dark in the winter where you live? like 3-4 lol Is there anyone that you miss and wish you could re-connect with? we’re still connected but i miss the very close friendship i had with my elementary school bestie Are you scared of disappointing people? yeah some people. but not most people, they can be disappointed as much as they want. Has the fear of disappointing others ever made a decision for you? sure What color are the last pair of gloves you bought? black and white, present for mom

What was the last thing you wore that was leopard print? cant remember. probably an accessory Do you decorate for Christmas? yeah i like to spruce my room up What color is your tree? pine tree color Would you rather be an elf or a unicorn? elf, who the fuck wanna be a horse Do you wonder why unicorns are suddenly a craze? hello, “2009″

Do you own Christmas pajamas? i wish for new ones every year and every year i end up ripping them What time of year do you start listening to Christmas music? after december exams Do you make your own ornaments? nahh Does it snow where you live? yeah alot What is something you do daily? chat with my friends, moisturize, doodle Do you like it when it snows in December? yeah it’s a necessity for the christmas mood Are you hoping for a white Christmas? yes and im gonna get one How old were you when you found out Santa wasn’t real? like 6? Are you good or bad at saying no to people and canceling plans when needed? i really dont like to cancel and say no because it fucking sucks when people do that to me, but i know how to put my foot down. What color are your snow boots? my snow nike running shoes? white

Are you an addict? used to be an alcoholic, now im just mildly addicted to nicotine

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dearanyonewhowantstolisten · 5 years

Text

November 26, 2018

Post 2-Spence

Today I’ve been thinking about past relationships. Really how every relationship I’ve been in has been different.

My first crush was named Spence, he was very handsome he had: blue eyes, brown hair, was a little bit taller than I was. When I met Spence, I was in 5th grade it was my first day of school at Pine Street. I was in Mrs.Kalowski’s room he had the teacher across the hall from mine. I still remember the first time I saw him, I still dream about it sometimes. He had on a white Steelers football jersey. I had just got out of my first class nervous about school or whether I’d make new friends. I walked of first period at the same time he walked out of his class. At that moment my worries were gone, I remember feeling safe, warm even, every worry in my body stopped. He was heading downstairs as I had a locker next to my class, he did not stop starring at me until the very bottom of those stairs. Out of all of my memories of him, that one had always stuck with me and has always warmed my heart.

He asked me out in 7th grade in workshop class while only my friend and his friend were in the room. His friend Kelby shouts out “O, will you go out with Spence?” I could hear Spence in the background go “No, no, no, no” very quietly and as soon as Kelby ended his sentence Spence was silent. My friend April looked at me with shock, she knew I always had the biggest crush on Spence. I got pretty embarassred at the fact that Spence had said “no” quietly to Kelby. I thought he didn’t want him to ask me out for him. Now looking back I regret saying “no” to that answer and knew that Spence had only whispered “no” because he had been nervous about what I’d say. Spence had always been very quiet and shy, just like me. From that day I had regret not saying yes to Spence. I had always had a feeling that he liked me and I had always liked him. I was just a nervous little girl not ready to date. My friend April freaked when I said “no” to Spence. I had always pictured the guy asking me out to my face, I probably would have said yes.

Spence had a girlfriend named Les not even a year after I turned him down. They had been together for about 4 years... 4 long years, up until about Junior year of high school. I found out Leslie cheated on him(that slut!). I got all gittied about him being single, I knew he wasn’t ready to have a girlfriend. But after 4 long years he was all I could think about. We had a few classes together but we were both shy and neither of us talked to eachother. It was not until Senior year that I really talked to Spence again. It was in Anatomy class. I was in my favorite class with my bestfriend Kelsie. Spence all of a sudden came over to our table and randomly sat in front of me. Me and Kelsie just looked at eachother, I said “Hi Spencer.” He said “Hi” and asked us how our classes were going. I was studying for my AP Calculas class, he asked me how that was going, I said “don’t take it it sucks.” Spence said “it looks very, hard I can imagine.” The bell rang and he said “It was nice talking with you two” and went back to his seat. Kelsie and I had no clue why Spence came over to our table randomly. Kelsie thought he had a crush on me. I hoped he did but never thought that he could have. Literally EVERYONE in our senior class thought Spence was hot, even some girls in the Junior and Sophomore class thought he was hot. I knew there was no way that he would have liked me but it did make me curious as to why he came and talked to me at our table. All throughout elementry, middle school, and high school I had always had a crush on Spence.

My cousin and I used to always go to Gun Lake to hangout and have some fun we were both in the same grade just different schools, she knew all about my crush on Spence. It was summer time right before sunset. We went swimming at Gunlake, we saw Spence’s “creeper van” I called it (it was red and looked like it could fit a bed in the back.” We deicded to go for a walk so Alexis, my cousin could see Spence. We walked right passed his van just to see if he was in it. He wasn’t so we kept on walking to make it look not so suspicious. 1 minute of us walking him and his friends got to his car and drove right passed us SUPER slow. I told Alexis he’s heading our way, Alexis fluffed her hair I took off my tank top to show my boobs. Haha He wasn’t that far away from us but it took him a long time to catch up to us. My cousin and I joked they were looking at our butts, that’s why they were taking such a long time to catch up to us. As he passed us him and his friends stared at us made eye contact with us and kept on driving. Of course after they were out of site we freaked out like two little girls.

The notebook with crushes names that I had mentioned earlier, in it had only his name with a bunch of hearts with my full name if we were to get married and a big heart around it. I had always felt like a little gitty school girl whenever he was around. Even in College when I found that we had went to the same college. We had a similar schedule on Tuesday nights. Two or three classes after I saw his ‘creeper van’ in the same parking lot not to long after, I started heading home thinking that he had stayed late. But at my highway exit to my house(a 40 minute drive from my college), I stopped at Speedway. I had only wanted to get a slushie, a few seconds later I saw Spence go into Speedway! It felt like a fairy tale, pushing me to get my prince. When I went to get my purse, I realized that I must have left it at my college b/c I did not have it. I watched as the line got closer to him. Freaking out b/c I wanted to get a slushie and see if Spence would talk to me, now more than ever. I couldn’t b/c I didn’t have my purse to pay. I watched as my fairytale slowly turned into a reality and realized if it were meant to be, things would have worked out to be.

He was a very special man that Spence, he made me feel like the most special girl in the world. I don’t even think he knew how much he meant to me or really how big of a crush I really had on him all of those 9 years, it’s not like I ever had the courage to tell him. He was and always will be my soulmate. Someone I’ve always felt most connected to but will most likely never see eachother again. He’ll always be in my heart and forever in my note books with our names in the middle like we were meant to be.

XOXO,

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dead-asss · 6 years

Text

billie jean: what do you notice more in a song - the drums or bassline? drums bc i think basslines are harder to note in most songs

sweet dreams (are made of this): what’s the best dream you’ve had? i had a dream that i went to a blackbear concert n i got to meet him it felt so real

africa: favourite 80s music video? does I Feel It Coming by The Weeknd count

every breath you take: who’s the first person your mind goes to when you hear a love song? :|

should i stay or should i go: how many languages do you speak? 1 1/2

uptown girl: what’s your favourite book trope? huh

don’t stop believin’: what’s the longest journey you’ve been on? life 😎

i wanna dance with somebody (who loves me): who was the last person you danced with? uhh me?

maneater: where did you spend your last friday night? HOME like any sensible person would

jessie’s girl: what would you do if you found out your best friend was seeing your ex? id literally just ask how n why

born in the u.s.a.: what’s your home town like? NASTY GROSS CRACKHEAD TOWN

wake me up before you go-go: how did your last date go? it didnt

girls just want to have fun: relationship with your parents? dad: 👌🏻 mom: 😖

beat it: opinions on the police force? oof

never gonna give you up: how old were you when you joined the internet? 12

faith: when was your first kiss? dont

i’m so excited: where was your first kiss? no!

take on me: could you reach the high note? “the” high note

footloose: favourite musical? Chicago or Burlesque

9 to 5: do you like country music? AHAHAHAHAH

back in black: what makes a good rock song? geodes

material girl: are you sentimental? sometimes

walk this way: what was the most expensive thing you bought in the last six months? uhhhhhhhh probably a makeup product

you shook me all night long: are you seeing anyone at the moment? ?!?!

thriller: favourite film genre and why? cult classics bc theyre always the best for some reason

i want candy: chocolate or sweets? i. do chocolates not count as-

ghostbusters: how far do you believe in the paranormal? idk if a demon is out there please drag me down some hallways

the power of love: does true love exist? of course

hungry like the wolf: what’s your crush’s favourite music genre? i dont

walk like an egyptian: favourite song currently in the charts? Pray For Me by The Weeknd and Kendrick Lamar

(i’ve had) the time of my life: if you could relive any ten minutes of your life, what would you relive? IDK

just can’t get enough: what’s your guilty pleasure? secretly hating things and not being able to voice them

i’m gonna be (500 miles): how far apart do you and your best friend live? like less than a mile

you spin me round (like a record): favourite modern cover of an older song? eh

we built this city: if you were president, what would your first ruling be? whip dicks out for harambe at 3pm every day or death penalty

how will i know: do you believe everyone is deserving of love? no. theres some people who really dont deserve the luxury

nothing’s gonna stop us now: what’s been the biggest hurdle you’ve faced in your life so far? learning that who i am is who im meant to be, and i shouldnt want to go back to the way things were

come on eileen: have you ever written a song? if so, what was the genre? no bitch

living on a prayer: which was the song of your childhood? 1-2 step by Ciara bitch my 4 y/o ass fucked it up to that song

sweet child o’ mine: describe your perfect first date. just strangle me

don’t you (forget about me): is there anyone from your past that you regret cutting ties with? haha no cause obviously im doing fine without them

eye of the tiger: favourite 80s movie? bekfast club

under pressure: give an example of a world event that occurred the year you were born. y2k

with or without you: what would you value most: a relationship or a job? thats a loaded question cause i love money but i love love

another one bites the dust: where did you achieve your biggest accomplishment? in a gym

pour some sugar on me: turn ons? 👉🏻👌🏻😎

in the air tonight: do you enjoy flying? probably not

tainted love: thoughts on synthesisers/electronic drum kits/technology based music? sure jan

like a virgin: share a controversial opinion. i dont like associating with feminists although i agree with most of their philosophies

karma chameleon: what do you like most about your appearance? hahahaahhahahah

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