#i think its a testament to how much my social skills habe deteriotwd that i have to plan even simple conversations like this the night befo

[parkinglothater]

I feel less doomed...I'm going to give college a genuine try

#its not like i dont want to make new friends #its notnlike i dont want to take notes and read #i just feel like i cant do those things when im at achool #just being there makes me so tense #physically and mentally #i start to shut down #im determined to make tomorrow a good day by any means #im going to talk to my classmates #ill asl him abt his weekend and what he dis #and then like abt where he frequenyly hangs out #ill admit to babysitting and show him a picture of mimi even #and ask if he has any siblings #boom thats 3 whole questions that i asked him!!! #thats enough for a whole conversation #and i wont just be a responder ill b an asker #i think its a testament to how much my social skills habe deteriotwd that i have to plan even simple conversations like this the night befo #i feel very sorry for myself #im still coming to terms with the fact that like #a very real part of me has been truamatised by going to school in 2020 #like i know its been 2 hears but im hust now realizing just how bad my social skills got #just how bad my anxiety can get #just how unregulated i am #in every way #plus 2020 was extra bad for me bc i also broke up with my lomg term bf pre covid #and then my entire community got displaced for like a month post covid #anyways im trying so hard to listen and learn from my body and my brain and everything #and my responses to school now feel like they come from the same place as my responses in my relationship #like sometimes or ig less often now but sometimes zack wld say or do smth and it wld send me into a straight up panic and id get super def #fensive #and i feel that way at school a lot