#i think i'm generally very odd when it comes to other ppl in this recovery program 😭😭 just like i was in that social anxiety support group

[daz4i]

yknow i noticed the small steps method doesn't help me and only stresses me out more. and like i just get stuck on the first step anyway and never move on to the next one, i'll probably even go back to the start eventually really. i'm apparently an all or nothing guy i can't think of an action as multiple actions bc it stresses me out i just need to either do it or not. the problem is i usually end up not

#i talked to my social worker abt this today #bc like he said that in order to have an easier time going outside i need to do it often enough to get used to it #but for me it's like. i go outside when i need to. yknow? #(days where my anxiety is painfully debilitating don't count lol) #i'm gonna be uncomfortable anyway. bc being outside is inherently unpleasant for me. it's not smth i can get used to #i compared this to going to the dentist. you do it bc you have to but you won't go just to get used to it yknow? #so my thought process is. i'm gonna have to start going outside every day soon for the art program. so i'm just gonna do it #i took a bus one time with my mentor/guide(??) to see that i can do it and i did. so i broke the barrier kinda #but it's not like i'm just gonna take the bus for fun?? i'll get used to it as i do it. i think. like i was before. hopefully #idk it feels pretty obvious to me but it baffled him i think 😭 #both of them offered to just go downstairs with me. sit at the lobby of my building or smth #but it feels silly to me like. if i'm getting dressed i may as well go do smth yknow?? #idk. again it makes a lot of sense to me but i don't think they get it #i think i'm generally very odd when it comes to other ppl in this recovery program 😭😭 just like i was in that social anxiety support group #(aka everyone went there for stage fright which isn't an issue for me i like being on a stage. hate one on one conversations tho - #- which was comfortable for them. so this was. well. the first step!!! in a lot of its sessions. and it just made me feel bad) #anyway that was my ramble. sorry. my brain is weird

[toycarousel]

If you don't mind me asking I'd like to know if you can give me a bit of advice. So I'm kind of a self cannibal and it's starting from me eating the tips of my fingers, and to my thighs now. I'm starting to get scars on my fingers and I'm scared someone will notice. I've been eating my lips for a while now too, and I'm trying to stop. One problem is I like how my blood tastes, and I just get stressed and nervous and start biting away. I find it scary when people look at my cannibalistic scars.

- same self cannibal continue: And I play a violin, and am asked to play, and am learning the piano. Some days I eat away my fingers so much it hurts to type. I find it oddly satisfying and without eating myself I get weirded out and have weird withdraws and it just, is odd..

Hi there, Anon!!! To start off with, I need to make it clear that I’m definitely not a medical professional, and I don’t want to lead you astray in any way.  I’m offering my advice and support, but it’s purely from my own perspective, and what I think may help! I do, however, strongly believe that this is something you should bring up with a medical professional (if you have access to one -- even free professionals online might have more helpful advice).

I also just want you to know that I’m glad you talked to me about this -- I know it’s probably not easy to talk about... it doesn’t make you a strange/bad person in any way, even if some folks don’t understand it (though I know that far more people practice this than ppl realize).  You’re not “too weird,” or anything like that, not to worry (srsly, every single time I try to answer this, something has gone wrong -- I’ve accidentally clicked out of the tab, swiped the back button without saving my answer, etc.) I don’t want you to have to feel isolated or like you’ve said anything wrong to me, okay? It’s always alright to talk about this with me, and I’m not judging you.

When I was a kid, I used to eat the sloughed-off skin of my inner cheeks, and I still kinda bite my lips out of anxiety and eat what peels off.  This isn’t an addiction for me, however.  It’s more something that happens incidentally, based on an anxious reflex, and it’s more occasional.  But I can see why it could become a strong habit for some folks, for sure.

While you are still doing this (as I know that completely healing from it is likely going to be a process), make sure that you’re taking care of the wounds on your body, for harm-reduction’s sake.  On your legs and fingers, be sure to clean the wounds immediately after they’re made (I recommend swabbing the area with hydrogen peroxide, but rubbing alcohol can work as well), and using bandaids and Polysporin/other disinfectant topical treatments to prevent infection.  On your mouth and lips, don’t use rubbing alcohol or peroxide, since those are toxic when ingested orally, but make sure to gently wipe the area down with a clean cloth dampened by warm water.  On your lips, you can also try using a medicated lip-balm, after washing the area with the cloth.  It may also be a good idea to swish your mouth out with an antibacterial mouthwash (use this only as prescribed on the label).

Try not to lick your lips too much, and be mindful of anything that triggers this desire (it’s already a really huge first step that you’ve realized you tend to do this when anxious/nervous and stressed -- it’s great that you’re mindful of the causes, because that will be instrumental in preventing harm in the future).  Target the aspects of your life that are causing the stress, and problem-solve them to any extent possible.  Research healthy coping mechanisms for anxiety and stress that may help reduce these feelings, and the urge to chew on your skin!!! I have a lot of resources for anxiety/nervousness and stress in my mental health resources tag, but google comes up with most of the stuff I’ve provided there as well.  Following blogs that tackle intense anxiety may also be a good idea!

Also, if you find that you cannot resist the urge to bite yourself -- as another aspect of harm-reduction, be sure not to bite too often in the same place, or very deeply in any place, at any one time.  I’ve read that this can cause permanent nerve damage in some cases, and I don’t want to scare you (I’m sure you’re going to be alright, since you’re tackling this right away), but be aware of any risks of biting certain parts of the body, including the fingers.  And always be on the lookout for signs of infection, in case you need to see a doctor immediately!!! 

There are many, many resources on this specific issue, and I’ll link them below; especially ones where you can hear from people who have more similar experiences to yours!!!

https://motherboard.vice.com/en_us/article/ypwnjk/dermatophagia-the-psychological-disorder-that-makes-people-bite-their-own-skin (this is info on what might be going on for you, and it also talks about people who’ve recovered.  That being said, it’s more an info piece!!!)

https://www.skinpick.com/node/1883 (this is an older post by someone who overcame their desire to pick and eat their skin; it sounds like they’re not certain how far they’ve come, but recovery is like that -- there are ups and downs.  Either way, they may have some valuable tips!)

http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Have-Dermatophagia/300197 (another forum, this site is more generalized, and this thread is older, but I think you could start your own thread and see what people have done to limit their desire to practice this!)

https://www.doctorshealthpress.com/general-health-articles/dermatophagia/ (this article lists actual treatments that you can discuss with your doctor(s), and with other people... and even try to practice on your own, if you feel it’s safe to do so!)

https://www.skinpick.com/node/682 (another article from this site -- the site seems more tailored to what you’re experiencing, so it may be an excellent idea to start your own thread and see what responses you receive! Checking out the site in general is a good idea, imo, just to see what’s available for help, and to get the chance to speak to people who are in the same boat).

https://ocdla.com/abcs-dermatillomania-compulsive-skin-picking-1979 (this is more info on skin-picking without the autocannibalistic portion, but the treatments listed here would also apply to you as well, and they’re something to read through and consider!!!)

http://www.skinpickingsupport.com/about/body-focused-repetitive-behaviors-bfrbs/ (this link has more info on a variety of skin picking behaviours, some pertaining to what you’re experiencing, and the site itself is another one I think you could read through and gain insight from!)

https://www.psychforums.com/impulse-control/topic57565.html (this is another generalized forum, and this thread is older, but reading through the responses might provide you with more helpful tips, and you can start your own thread here as well -- the more conversations you safely open up regarding this, the more likely you are to find people who understand, and who can also offer valuable info and support!)

Again, if you want to talk/vent about this, or anything else, I’m here and I’m listening.  I can’t promise I’ll ever get back to you right away, as I receive hundreds of messages, and I’m overwhelmed, but I do care about what happens to you, and I want you to be safe (and to know that you don’t have to keep this a secret or be alone in this!) Take care, Anon!!!

#autocannibalism #dermatophagia #dermatillomania #skin picking #anxiety #stress #biting - #blood - #scars - #mental health resources #advice asks #ask to tag - #anons #scotchasks