#i think a lot of takes about how men treat bi womens attraction are goofy bc of the focus on erasure or whatever | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

golvio · 7 months

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So I've got...some complicated feelings about this. Some of them more analytical, some of them more personal. I get pretty long-winded when I think out loud about this guy, so I'm putting my thoughts behind a cut.

On the one hand, I definitely noticed that TotK's Ganondorf was more preoccupied with his appearance, not necessarily in a stereotypical "vain villain who never shuts up about how beautiful they are" or a "gym bro who spends more time checking himself out in the mirror than actually working out" sense, but in a "he's very conscious about the image he projects and wants to maintain careful control of how other people see him at all times" way. I'm glad I've got confirmation that I wasn't just seeing things. Also, that TotK discusses how he uses attractiveness to manipulate people, as implied with how he portrayed "Princess Zelda," had some really interesting implications about his life as the Gerudo king and his personality and skills in reading people that Nintendo never followed up on, because god forbid we give this character any recognizable traits that could inspire curiosity about who he is as a person or discussions about gender roles in ways that aren't "He pretends to be a cute little white girl because he's an Evil Degenerate."

On the other hand...it kind of contributes to the way I've been weirded out by how the game itself treated him and how certain fans treat him. The game itself made a lot of effort to dehumanize and un-person this man as a character even while making his human form visually appealing. The fans themselves are celebrating this a validation of their seeing him as a sex symbol, calling him "a bi icon" because both men and women are attracted to him, etc.

Like...there's all this discussion about Ganon's appearance and how sexy people find him, but not much consideration of what *he* might want, or how he feels, or what he's attracted to. I know that's kind of a goofy question to ask about a fictional character who can't really have opinions on things beyond what the writers give him, but...it's just kind of...objectifying?

For example, I don't take any issue with headcanons that Ganon might be bisexual, or at least enjoys the attention he gets from people of any gender, since I've got my own headcanons about him being queer, but I do get weirded out by the assumption that just because both men and women find him attractive that means he *must* reciprocate their desires and be bisexual. It's the same thing that weirds me out about fan art pre-release that portrayed him as this airheaded himbo jock because fans wanted to ogle his sexy body without having to deal with his intelligence, his anger, his negative qualities, or his potential dangerousness.

There's this tendency to objectify him in both the game, whether as a "monster" to slay to prove the player/Link's mettle as a hero, or as a trophy to symbolize Rauru's dominon over the frontier territories of his kingdom. And then there's a tendency to objectify him in fandom, presenting him as a pinup devoid of his original personality, or trying to shape him into a "good Ganondorf" that the fans would actually like to be friends with by sanding off all his sharp edges so they can access his body, which they find beautiful, without having to deal with the parts that might complicate that or that they'd dislike.

Fandom as a whole seems to have a blind spot when it comes to the objectification of masculine characters, particularly because it's like, "Oh, BOYS can't be objectified! Only pretty (white) ladies can get objectified!" Nevermind that objectification is a phenomenon that's super commonly done to nonwhite men in tandem with the more overt and violent dehumanization that comes with racism, especially men with darker skin. And there doesn't seem to be much of an interest in exploring what that might mean for Ganondorf as a character, whether just as discussing double-consciousnesses and exploiting expectations to manipulate people, or to explore how being treated like a piece of meat or a pretty ornament who exists only for other people's pleasure can really warp a person.

I guess...this is something I've been thinking about since playing Slay the Princess, which asks a lot of questions about objectification, how people's complexity can be dismissed and ignored when they're shoved into the Love Interest archetype, and how being limited in this way in the eyes of others can seriously hurt and warp someone even if it's being done in the "nicest," most paternalistic and "benevolent" way possible. It presents the core relationship as being a fundamentally unequal power balance; no matter how fearsome and terrifying the imprisoned party becomes, she is always at your mercy, she lives and dies based on the choices you make, and the "nicer" routes are potentially just her saying what she knows you want to hear and auditioning for your sympathy because like it or not you're her warden. It also forces you to ask yourself what makes you come to love somebody, and to consider the possibility of loving somebody while also acknowledging their thorny, messy, contradictory, and dangerous parts. I wish I could see more works considering this for Ganon, as opposed to regurgitating tired old "Destroy This Mad Brute" tropes or turning him into a "safe," palatable, easy-to-digest love interest.

#loz thoughts #ganondorf #racism mention tw

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merakiaes · 3 years

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Hello! Can I get Marvel, Harry Potter, Twilight, Stranger Things, The Witcher, Peaky Blinders, The Walking Dead, Suicide Squad, Game Of Thrones ship? 💖 179 cm tall; dark brown, past shoulder-length hair with bangs; blue eyes (the left eye is mixed with hazel, aka, heterochromia iridium); heptagon face shape with dimples; rectangle body shape. Hufflepuff. INFP-T. Bi-curious. Pisces-Aries cusp sign. ”Looks like could kill you, but is actually a cinnamon roll.” At first, I may come off as reserved, shy, yet polite. I, as many of us, have a resting bitch face, that’s why people may think that I’m in a bad mood. It takes me a lot of time to warm up to somebody, cause I have social anxiety. Hate small talk, or speaking in front of the public. When I’m nervous, I tend to mess up my words or forget what I was supposed to say. I’m usually playful, dirty-minded and goofy around close friends. I’m the so-called, ”fashionista and mom” from my circle of friends. A perfectionist, punctual, over-thinker, slight control/clean freak. Stubborn in some situations. If I’m annoyed or getting impatient, I can say something witty or sarcastic. I’m constantly fighting an inner battle with myself, trying to accept myself. I don’t like to smile or laugh in public, cause of the small gap between my front teeth. I really hate taking selfies or somebody else taking pictures of me. The clothes I wear depends on my mood (and the weather outside), but it’s always a mix of smart casual or comfortable. Don’t like doing things out of my comfort zone, prefer to stay indoors. Dislike asking people for help (it makes me feel uncomfortable). I don’t like arguments, but I will square up if they come for my family or I snapped. I’m a kind-hearted person, always ready to help someone in need, quite modest as well. My hobbies include listening to any type of music, reading, watching movies or tv shows, traveling (if given the chance), and cleaning. Have a thing for writing. Very protective of my family. Divorced parents. Motherly towards kids and friends. An old soul, and the ”black sheep” of my family. A feminist, support LGBTQ+ community. Sometimes I like to try and cook easy recipes. Dislike black coffee, prefer tea or orange juice. That’s it, - thanks!

MARVEL

I ship you with Bruce Banner!

He would be kind of wary and scared to talk to you to a start. The other guy may be big and strong, but he’s not. He doesn’t have much confidence in himself when in his human form and he would be intimidated by you at first glance, but once he actually works up the courage to come and talk to you, you’d get on great.

He knows what it's like to struggle with social anxiety so he would be patient and need some time to become comfortable with you, as well, scared of messing things up by saying the wrong thing and/or sharing too much.

Like you, he rambles when he’s nervous so that’s just another thing you have in common, but once he’s comfortable with someone, he’s more than happy to participate in some sarcastic, dirty-minded banter.

He’s very reserved and, like earlier mentioned, doesn’t have much confidence. He would never understand how someone like you would want someone like him but he would be so in awe of the fact that you did want him.

He knows all too well what it’s like to be at odds with yourself and accepting who you are so he would be very understanding and supportive of that, and he’d comfort you about your insecurities and let you know that you’re more than good enough.

You’re also very similar in that you prefer to stay indoors, away from all kinds of social activity, and not go out of your comfort zones while, as well as the way you’re both more than willing to help other people in need while disliking asking for help for yourselves.

HARRY POTTER

I ship you with George Weasley!

George is the literal definition of a cinnamon roll. He’s so kind, caring and thoughtful, and I feel like we don’t talk about that nearly enough.

You’re shy and reserved, and he’s forward and energetic. You struggle to warm up to people, and he has no problem whatsoever getting to know new people. So I feel like it would be a good match. He would kinda just force all his energy onto you so that you, as a result, wouldn’t feel as anxious about meeting someone new, you know?

He could help you let loose a bit more, and I mean that in the most respectful way possible; not because you’re uptight, but more so to help relieve some of that stress and pressure that everything always has to be perfect.

He’s so loud as a person that neither you nor anyone else would even notice your mistakes, like messing up your words, because George and his twin just take the stage wherever they go.

George loves pushing his limits and discovering new things so I feel like he’d definitely try to get you out of your comfort zones on some occasions, but at the same time, he’s a lot less pushy than his twin and would give up if he noticed that you really didn’t want to do something, whereas Fred probably would’ve just dragged you along by your arm and bugged you until you gave in.

He’d find your shy personality adorable to a start but once you got comfortable enough to show your playful, dirty-minded and goofy side, he would just be amazed and get even more excited around you.

And knowing him, he’d love both your heterochromia and the gap between your teeth. He would find your eyes the most fascinating thing in the world, and he’s just generally a person who loves “different” and finds it beautiful.

Being protective over family and loved ones is a plus for any of the Weasleys, seeing as the most precious thing they have is just that; family. So the fact that this is a quality you have would make George even more attracted to you, as would your motherly instincts.

TWILIGHT

I ship you with Embry Call!

Like Bruce, Embry probably would’ve been a bit intimidated by you on first sight. Not only because of your resting bitch face, but also because he just has no experience with girls, whatsoever.

After much encouragement from the other boys, however, he probably would’ve been able to work up the courage needed to approach you and most likely, knowing him, he would’ve stumbled over his words and completely messed up, so you’d never have to worry about messing up like that, yourself, because he would just be such a mess that it would be hard to beat.

Embry is, like you, playful, dirty-minded and goofy when he’s in the right company, but he’s much quieter and shyer than the other boys on the reservation, as well as reserved in general - like you. He’s also a lot more caring and loving than his pack members but, like the rest of them, he’s very protective of family, which is just another thing the two of you share.

Embry is a wolf so, obviously, he enjoys being outside and participating in fast-paced activities, but I don’t think he’d mind staying inside with you, watching movies, or just listening to music and hanging out. His mom definitely wouldn’t mind, as he’s technically grounded for life for sneaking out every night, which he keeps ignoring much to her dismay.

He’s just so kind and humble. He’d be so sweet and supportive about your insecurities and never force you to do anything you’re not comfortable with, and he’d be all over your cooking, no matter how good or bad you are at it!

STRANGER THINGS

I ship you with Jonathan Byers!

Jonathan knows everything about being the black sheep. He had to find himself and learn his value completely on his own, so he knows what it’s like to be at war with your own mind in accepting who you are.

He believes that people should be judged by their ability to work rather than by what gender they are and that women should be respected just as much as men, as seen when he disapproved of how Nancy was being treated by her co-workers, and therefore also shares your feminist ideals.

He would be the sweetest to you about your insecurities and tell you that it’s okay to be different no matter what and that you’re beautiful and enough just the way you are.

He’s introverted, asocial and kind just like you, cares very deeply for family and knows what it’s like to have divorced parents.

He’s very much into music just like you are and is not very fond of small talk nor fighting either, so I feel like you would have a really calm and stable relationship.

THE WITCHER

I ship you with Jaskier!

Jaskier is a little like George Weasley in the way that he always steals all the attention whenever he walks into a room. He’s got a very loud personality and for the same reasons I think you’d be good with George, I think you would be good with Jaskier!

Unlike you who prefer staying within your comfort one, Jaskier might care about that a bit too little. Let’s just say that he would never bother you about not being more adventurous, because he’d be far too busy stepping out of his comfort zone and getting into trouble, himself, to notice.

Jaskier is also a big fan of writing, reading and, of course, music, so I think you’d be able to have some really good times together.

PEAKY BLINDERS

I ship you with Ada Shelby!

Being the only woman as well as the only really sensible member of a family full of gangsters for sure puts a person under the “black sheep”-category, so Ada knows all about feeling out of place.

She’s the only member of the Shelby family who absolutely hates violence which is one of the main reasons I think you’d suit each other, seeing as you don’t like arguments. Just like you, she will square up if she absolutely has to in order to defend herself, but she’d much prefer not to.

She’s very level-headed and tries her best to stay well clear of all the illegal activities that her family get up to, instead, putting her focus into activism and trying to improve equality for everyone, as well as trying to embrace the beautiful and sensuous things life has to offer.

She has a natural instinct to take care of those who can’t look after themselves, she’s kind-hearted and humane, accepting and understanding, so she would be very patient with getting to know you and let you take the time you needed.

Out of all the Peaky Blinders characters, I can almost guarantee you that Ada is your best shot at getting a peaceful and unproblematic life.

THE WALKING DEAD

I ship you with Daryl Dixon!

Daryl may be brave and good at surviving, but he is, at the same time, constantly facing challenges from his past as an abuse victim. Because of his trauma, he’s very socially awkward and doesn’t really know how to connect with other people, even though he does seem to have the desire to do so. For example, at the beginning of the apocalypse, he often spoke to people without making eye contact and cringed away from physical touch, with little to no social skills, and even though he has definitely gotten better at it, the struggle is still there to some extent.

His childhood trauma is also the reason for his insecurities, of which the biggest one is his scars. He’s ashamed of them and every day he’s reminded of the fact that he, through all his life, has been nothing and no one. He often shows signs that he considers himself to be worthless as well as depressed, and shows clear discomfort and distrust for people he’s not all that familiar with.

Because of the discomfort of being around people, he prefers to keep his distance from groups, because he functions best when he’s either alone or in the company of just one or two people; preferably the former. So naturally, he’s very quiet, not at all fond of small talk. Even with people he’s comfortable being around, he’d rather sit in a comfortable, mutual silence than speak.

You have all these things in common; finding it hard trusting and opening up to people, being over-thinkers, disliking small talk, constantly fighting inner battles with yourselves and struggling to accept yourselves, disliking asking people for help, as well as having big social anxieties in general.

But what you also have in common is that you’re very protective of family. Daryl may prefer to keep to himself, but he doesn’t hesitate to risk his life in order to save the members of his group. He’s incredibly selfless and loyal to a fault and would stop at nothing to protect his people as well as help people who can’t protect themselves.

As a result of his abuse, he also an extreme attentiveness to others. He’s so hypervigilant that not only is he always prepared for zombies, but he can also attentive to the emotions of people. So even though he might struggle with communicating sympathy verbally and through touch, he will go to great lengths to use his special skills to help those in pain, this meaning - you wouldn’t have to communicate your feelings through words every time since he’d most likely pick up on your body language, which can be a really big relief when you’re self-conscious about stumbling over words when nervous and struggle with social anxiety.

He would just be very understanding of your social issues in general and as he absolutely hates when people try to pry into his life before the apocalypse, he would never put any pressure, whatsoever, on you to open up to him in anything other than your own time. If anyone knows what it’s like to feel out of place, it’s him.

SUICIDE SQUAD

I ship you with Rick Flag!

It’s no secret that Rick is very serious and short-tempered when in combat and on the job. His personality is usually described as sturdy, stoic and serious and he’s been trained to serve and follow orders without questions. He takes his responsibilities very seriously and gets frustrated when others don’t pay him the same respect.

But away from his job, Rick also has a softer, more vulnerable side and is capable of warming up even to enemies through his ability to see things from different perspectives, as seen when he happily hugs Floyd after defeating Enchantress. He’s deeply protective of those he loves and would go to unthinkable lengths to protect them.

He isn’t a person who willingly goes out of his comfort zone either; on the contrary, it’s usually something he’s pressured to do by other people who, often, have some kind of leverage on him.

So had he only been presented with the choice, I think he’d really be into the idea of a simple life with no drama, no danger. Just him, his significant other, living together and going about their ways either separately or together, before having dinner and falling asleep together in front of a good movie or tv show. He’d be more than happy living a life as simple as that.

Underneath that whole military attitude, he also has a sense of humor hidden away; the goofy and playful one, just like yours. And I think that you would be really good together in that sense.

GAME OF THRONES

I ship you with Jon Snow!

Jon is known to be humble, calm and withdrawn and would, at least after the events of the last season, much rather live a calm, simple life than one full of adventure and challenged limits since he’s so clearly shown to be burdened by the constant danger and responsibility.

All his life, Jon has lived as an outcast; a bastard, and the black sheep in a family of wolves. Because of Catelyn’s consistent hatred and torment, he never felt anything other than hatred, self-doubt and shame toward himself and has never felt like he belongs anywhere, with anyone.

He was forced to quietly wrestle with dejection and loneliness his entire life; always among them, but never really one of them, and because he never quite fit in, he was naturally more susceptible to anti-social behavior, as shown in the way that he always tends to mind his own business, prefers to stay within his comfort zone and also in the way that he isn’t big on small talk.

He was so ashamed of himself and who he was that he pledged himself to the Night’s Watch in order to escape the label of a bastard, so he knows better than anyone what it’s like to try and accept oneself.

To finish it off, he’s the ultimate feminist, who takes powerful women for what they are and understands the importance of lifting them up. He encouraged Arya and her proclivity for archery and combat and he admitted to his misjudgments and faults without being derisive or sexist when Sansa outsmarted him and saved his ass in the Battle of the Bastards so he doesn’t consider it to be emasculating to be equal, or even inferior, to a woman, and doesn’t pick and choose what kind of woman to support. He supports all of them and their individual strengths, whether it be physical power in combat, or mental power in politics.

FAST AND FURIOUS

I ship you with Leon!

Little is known about Leon since he was only in the first movie with minimal screentime, but I have, over the years, built my own opinion of him through his way of behaving in the moments we actually got to see him.

My first thought on him was that he’s a bit of the lost loner type and that he’s much more rational and level-headed than the others.

He voices his disapproval to Dom on several occasions and got shut down every time, which showed that he didn’t really trust him to keep them safe and out of handcuffs, and that he wasn’t comfortable with how far they were taking things.

This, to me, equals that he’s not a person who is very fond of stepping out of his comfort zone and would much rather play it safe and stick to the things he knows.

I wouldn’t go so far as to call him a coward, but he’s definitely more cautious than the rest of the squad. Rather than getting high off the thrill, he just seems like he’s along for the ride, without actually needing the excitement like the others do. Plain and simple: he’s a tag-along:er, not an adrenaline junkie.

In the scenes he’s in, he was always the one to, in one way or another, look out for the well-being of the others, and I can imagine, since he and Jesse met before the two joined the squad, that he looked after Jesse for a long while, as well.

Jesse had pretty severe ADD as well as slightly faulty instincts and understandings in some social settings both because of his ADD and because he was raised by his criminal dad to know no better, so looking out for him would probably take a little bit of work since I’d guess that he got himself into trouble a lot.

Because of this, I’ve kind of put him in the “caretaker”-category, since he seems to be so much more genuine and caring than the rest, and that, in turn, is why I think he’d be a good match for you.

I also think that you’d be good together because of the fact Jesse shares a lot of qualities with you; a bit reserved, stuttering when nervous, and being generally anxious around strangers. Since Leon has experience with this, he wouldn’t judge you but rather know how to handle it, support you and make you feel more comfortable.

His mother left him when he was still young and he has clearly been struggling to find a place where he belongs. He thought that he found it with Dom’s crew, but when Jesse died and Vince and Letty got seriously hurt, he obviously had enough, decided that the heat had become too risky and that he didn’t want anything more to do with the illegal activities.

Once again, after Jesse’s passing, he was left alone, and I’m one hundred percent sure that he left the crew to go live a safer, calmer life because, like Rick Flag, he just seems like the type to want a quiet life with a like-minded significant other, maybe some animals and/or a kid or two. Basically just a “perfect, happy family”-situation with no risk-taking, just staying safe within your comfort zones.

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yelloskello · 5 years

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just wrote a ridiculously long post musing on the influence of media on my roleplaying decisions and then realized it was a fuckin novel and now i’m just gonna... delete it all and start over

basically, like. There’s a noticeable trend in roleplaying circles for most folks to play mostly if not entirely dudes - not all obviously, but a significant enough chunk to make that statement. I remember there being a thread on the forums I frequent where someone asked about it and asked for the reasoning behind people choosing to play one gender over the other, and the vast majority response from roleplayers of any gender was playing guys for one reason or another, ranging from ‘idk I just prefer them’ to ‘i never really thought of women as being able to be cool or flawed or interesting’. Which makes sense, considering we live in a society where so so so so so many female characters in popular media are written as either Nagging Only Sane People There To Bring The Wacky Guys Back Down, or Bland Pretty Things with the personality of a turnip.

and like. i’m wondering why I ended up going the completely opposite direction, where 80% of my characters are women, and it wasn’t a recent development that grew with my feminism, either - i’ve preferred making lady characters for as long as i’ve been able to pick up a pencil, and what dudes I make tend to lean towards being effeminate, emotionally open, and gentle. (And when they’re not, they tend to be pretty explicitly gay/bi/pan. A couple of my most masculine characters are the ones who are in ride-or-die relationships with my best friend’s dude characters.)

Basically the tl;dr of the thoughts came out to:

A: A HUGE chunk of the media I was taking in before even the age of 10 featured women as protagonists without ever presenting it as a Woman Story About Being Womanly, at least as far as I remember. Gender was just treated as a neutral playing field, never mentioned but with equal distribution throughout the stories, and I partook in a lot of stuff that showed the story from a woman’s perspective. A lot of this media I was introduced to by my sister, who, as long as I can remember, has been GNC and interested in GNC things. I ALSO partook in kinda fringe stuff like small-time webcomics that had lady protagonists who acted straight up goofy and were never remotely sexualized, and at least one of those things was MASSIVELY formative for me, to the point where the first comic I ever drew at the age of 8 was basically just like... A blatant ripoff of that comic. Like. That comic was the reason I got into my lifelong passion of comics.

B: By some fucking miracle, while gender did have an influence on my upbringing, it wasn’t... Super significant. Gender roles were not heaped heavily upon me by my parents (which is kinda shocking, considering they’re like, die hard conservative christians), and when they did Heap it, it was easy enough to just kinda... Ignore it.* I was never chided for doing things that weren’t Stereotypically Feminine: wearing clothes “for boys”, having a majority of friends who were boys, doing activities that one would think of in a gendered sense as ‘boy stuff’, actively rejecting the societal expectation to get married and have kids, etc.

Honestly, I think a lot of this was basically just dumb luck, though: I was still feminine enough that my mom wasn’t alarmed when I started wearing clothes intended for boys. My adamant refusal of marriage/children was and IS STILL responded to with a smile and a joke and obviously thinking i’ll change my mind one day. I’ve always kept my hair VERY short, and was even encouraged to by my mom, but the styles I wear are still some degree of feminine - pixie cuts and shit - and the reason she’s encouraging is because SHE wore her hair short growing up and just thinks it’s cute. By the time I started branching into mohawks and undercuts, my mom was getting to a point where she was more concerned with having a good relationship with her kids and being positive no matter what than whether or not I didn’t look straight. (I can always tell that she doesn’t particularly like it, but is trying to be supportive when I show up with a ‘weird’ haircut.)

(my dad, on the other hand, made a stink when I wanted my first undercut, told me i’d ‘look like a d***’ and would ‘never get a boyfriend’. but he was kinda distant anyways due to his job and didn’t really have a lot of involvement or say over my choices growing up.) my point is, though, that gender may not have been entirely a neutral playing field growing up, but I was never taught/it never sunk in for me that women shouldn’t be rowdy or ‘boyish’ or loud or strive for greater things, and I wasn’t punished or discouraged for being that way myself. The combination of these two things basically meant that I was seeing women who got to act just like the Cool Boy Characters out there on the regular, didn’t really make a big deal about gender/gendered things, and the tendency for women to be bland or unlikeable in a lot of media just kinda went over my head.

...plus i’m sure there was some Big Gay buried in there somewhere where I’ve just always preferred the look of women so if I wanted to rip off some Funny Likeable Boy character from a tv show i’d do it n i’d make them a lady. They’re more interesting to look at and more fun to draw! what do you want from me

Also, looking back on the first point: I wonder if growing up with media like that is why I VASTLY prefer stories that just HAVE diversity that isn’t really the focus, versus Queer Stories or Nonbinary Stories or Women Stories or Mentally Ill Stories or so on and so forth. While I want to see someone like me out there fighting dragons n shit, while i’m like ‘holy shit this character is bi?? she’s MINE NOW’ in a story that’s mostly about trying to survive political intrigue and navigating a cutthroat court, I just feel Tired when there’s a story that’s clearly about navigating anxiety or dealing with sexism on the daily or somesuch. I get they’re meant to be relatable, but i’m like... I live that shit every day, I don’t want an extra dose of it here, too. I’d rather just see people like me getting to be the cool heroes we liked reading about growing up. I want my mental issues and my queerness and my gender, I just want DIVERSITY to be just as default as the Default Straight White Man Protagonist, to just be mundane, not a beacon of being Different with stories that cater to how Different I am, constantly reminding me that I am Different and that this story isn’t widely relatable and caters to a certain audience of Different People. There’s a fine line between ‘we’re all different and we need to understand there’s nothing wrong with that’, and ‘this makes me feel more distant and isolated from other groups than ever before’.

but that’s just my personal taste. Anyways.

wow this ended up being just as fricken long as my original post on this, good job me

(*except for like... this had a lot of different factors, but in my young to mid teens, I very much felt like i’d never land a boyfriend and that no guy could ever actually find me attractive. Some of this was due to an abusive friend who was isolating me while simultaneously reminding me about how important it was to be desirable to men; some of it was due to how much subtle anxiety my mom projected on me about behaviors I should upkeep so I would look desirable to men. ‘don’t put the elbows on the table so that you look proper when you’re out on a date!’ sorta crap. Some of it was due to being unaware of how FUCKEN BI I was (REAL BI, now that I look back on it) and brought up in a homophobic setting so it never occurred to me that there was more than just dudes. That anxiety was the closest I ever really came to feeling like I was failing at femininity, though.)

#gender and gender role influence thoughts

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namea · 7 years

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Pride questionaire

the following questions are meant to make people familiar with the various shades of love, attraction and identity, feel free to add your own. happy pride 🌈

what is your sexuality? Pansexual. Generally I just say bisexual since a lot of people don’t know or believe in pansexuality.

what do gender do you identify as? Female

how long have you been aware of your sexuality/gender? I’ve been aware I was bisexual since I was probably 6 or 7. I didn’t become aware of the term pansexual and the differences between them until my junior year of highschool so about 11 years ago.

do you have any preferences? I highly prefer women physically. I find them much more attractive and sexually attractive. I have had more success in relationships with men however so if it’s something other than physical I tend to lean towards men. Female relationships have always been far too dramatic and mind-gamey to me.

share a positive memory about coming out! I told my Dad when I was about 14 and he just said “Yeah? And?” I’m pretty sure he knew. My family was always really accepting of sexualities and we’ve always had gay, trans, etc people in our lives thanks to my mom’s diverse group of friends and my Dad’s sister who is a lesbian. My older sisters are also both bisexual so our family is pretty chill.

how do you feel about pride month? I think some people take it too far to the point of excluding others. However all in all I think it’s a wonderful thing and I am happy for a month to celebrate the accomplishments of the LGBTQ+ community, remember our struggles, and show support for everyone around the world who is a part of it both here and those we’ve lost.

do you participate in pride related events? any other events? I used to. I had a very bad experience at a pride parade here in Nashville once and since then I have not been comfortable with the lgbt community here. I have found it to be a very hostile and dangerous place that shows far more bigotry than even the most conservative straight people I know.

how do you feel about lgbtq roles in media? I am very excited by the growing prominance they hold. I don’t believe in the “bury your gays” conspiracy theory. I am a bit miffed at the stereotypes shown and the lack of variation from them but all things in time. For now every bit of exposure and normalization of non-hetero relationships is a step forward.

do you feel pride in who you are? Absolutely but not just for my sexuality. My sexuality is only a very small part of who I am. I’m more proud of the changes I’ve made to myself, how I’ve matured, how I’ve changed and become a better person. How I’ve become a good mother and a good friend, daughter, sister, and wife.

who has been your supportive idols in your self discovery? My Dad for one. He’s straight but he’s always been supportive of everything I do and who I am. Also Xena...XD My mom is a great source of inspiration as well. For as long as I can remember she taught us that love is love and kindness is not optional.

tell us about your first crush? Xena. I had a crush on her before I ever had a crush on a boy. It wasn’t until my first boy crush that I realized I felt the same way about boys and girls. I didn’t really think anything of it or address it though.

what sort of advice to have you lgbtq teens? Love yourself. Even if your family doesn’t approve, even if your friends turn on you. Love yourself and know that you are loved. There are so many of us who have been through what you’re going through and even if we’ve never known you we love you and support you. We want you to grow up and join us and be accepted. Someday the world will see you as the shining light that you are. Please don’t give up.

have you come out to friends and family? Yup. I’m completely open. It’s not like I tell everyone the moment I meet them but there’s no hiding it. If someone asks I tell them straight out. Anyone who doesn’t know by now is just ignoring it and lying to themselves if they actually care about me.

how do you feel about the term “coming out” ? I think the term means different things to different people. I don’t really feel like I have the right to answer that because I didn’t so much as “come out” rather I kinda just “confirmed what my family already knew”. I had a very easy time of it.

do you believe there is a “closet” to come out of? For some people I’m sure.

any tips on coming out? Again, due to my relatively easy experience I can’t speak for the difficult ones. I can say that if your family has been supportive of lgbt issues in the past it’s best to be honest with them and yourself as soon as you can.

what’s your biggest pet peeve when it comes to lgbtq characterization in media? The constant pervasive idea that any lesbian or bisexual woman will immediately turn her head for a man if he’s hot enough. Also the idea that every single gay man is obnoxiously effeminate. And lastly, probably the most angering to me: The gay bff trope. It causes straight girls to treat gay men like fetish objects. Accessories. They think they need a gay bff but what they really want is basically a piece of jewelry to spout sassy quotes and talk about boys with them. They don’t care about them as people and that bothers me so much.

what’s your favorite parts of lgbtq characterization in media? That they’re there! This is such a huge evolution from even when I was young. I remember how Xena and Gabrielle were in an obviously romantic relationship but they had to cover it up with subtext and make sure it was just shown as “best friends”.

what did your teachers say about the lgbtqa community in school? I went to a very open school in High School. When we learned sex ed there were portions on the LGBT community. Several of my teachers were openly out even. One of my most religious teachers who had a cross in her classroom even spoke happily about gay rights and was in full support of them. We had projects in which we had to “marry” a classmate and the teachers allowed gay marriage. We even had an LGBT club that ran events and had a ton of fun.

do you practice safe sex with the same gender? ABSOLUTELY. Always. Pregnancy isn’t the only thread with sex. Even having sex with other women it is important to erm...clean your instruments...between uses and/or use condoms for them.

what’s an absolute turn off for you in the opposite/same gender? My biggest turn off in men is arrogance. If a man comes off as being full of himself I don’t find it sexy, I find it annoying. My biggest turn off in a woman is immaturity. Not in a playful way but the kind of immaturity that leads to high school level head games and drama. I’m comin’ up on 30, anyone my age should be done with that crap.

what’s an absolute turn on for you in the opposite/same gender? My biggest turn on with men is humour. I love goofy guys and I married the perfect one! My biggest turn on with women is also humour. I like a woman who isn’t afraid to be silly, even in public. Let’s dance in the grocery store or tell silly jokes in the restaurant. If we’re together we should be able to have fun without fearing judgement.

how do you feel about lgbtq clubs/apps/websites? Not for me. To be honest I’ve faced more hatred and cruelty from the LGBT community than I ever did from straight people. I was friends with a group for YEARS here in Nashville but the minute I stopped just sleeping with my husband and actually got together with him they turned on me as if dating a man suddenly made me “not bi enough”. I got insulted, bulliled, had drinks thrown on me, and was almost beaten up at a pride parade. It was humiliating and awful, all because I was with a man. Since then I’ve been wary of LGBT groups. If they can’t accept me even married to a man then they aren’t as open minded as they should be.

how do you feel about the term “queer” ? I have no issues with it.

how does you country view the lgbtq community? Totally mixed bag tbh. I live in the south but I’m in the most progressive part of TN so at least it’s not bad here.

favorite lgbtq actor/actress? I adore Ellen Page, Zachary Quinto, and my very favourites are Sir Ian McKellan and George Takei

any tips for heterosexual and/or cisgender people on how to handle lgbtq events/news? Just be supportive. You’re welcome at my table at least. I don’t exclude anyone who wants to be friendly and an ally. Be kind, don’t sling inappropriate jokes or slurs, and apologize if you’re corrected on something.

what’s the most annoying question you have ever gotten? “So if you’re a man now you’re straight, right?” No. My sexuality doesn’t change just because I’m now with a man. Still like ladies, still look at them, just can’t touch.

how do you feel about receiving questions about your sexuality/gender? Happy to answer for myself any time. I can’t answer for others since there’s such a huge varied spectrum.

#nonsims #pride #lgbt #quiz

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