#i need to kms SOON so i can fucking stop i might [■■■] just bc i think thatd actually Work . n i need to find a place to do it

[fagutt]

i am sane and normal and goign to smoke after this post to become even more sane and even more normal

#theres no point to stumbling my way through this and hoping i settle alright on the other side #i ruin everything i put my hands on - im terribly abusive and everyone is too afraid of me retaliating to say anything so theyre silent #i bitch and whine so much about how 'traumatized' i am meanwhile ive ruined the life of anyone thats known me for even a week #where do i get off acting like every 'abusive' situation ive been in Wasnt my fault and or karma for the way i treat others #no wonder im going to die alone! god i fucking deserve it! i chase off anyone good to me by being a toxic piece of shit #and anyone that stays just gets more and more worn down by me until theres nothing left of them and they ahve to leave too #im so tired of being an abusive friend to anyone that knows me i am jsut a terrible leech onto anyone thats ncie to me #i need to kms SOON so i can fucking stop i might [■■■] just bc i think thatd actually Work . n i need to find a place to do it #im realizing its a bit insensitive to do it in my room and my second choice was the park but thats also a bit insensitive so idk anywhere #theres gotta be a hiking trail thats close Enough but still isolated to the point that nobody would stumble on me before planned discovery #and then i can remove a negative impact from the lives of so many #i keep thinkign about burning myself instead of cutting but i liek . dont know Where to do it so i keep putting it off #im so sad i just want to be good and helpful and get loved in return i want to cry into someones chest rn #i am such a bad bad bad dog i deserve everything i get and worse tbh caus clearly my weak ass “”“”trauma“”“” is all made up #good god i need to get over myself and jsut commit already

[daz4i]

suicidal+generally negative bullshit under the cut 🫡

guys i'm gonna be so fr with you i am basically working on autopilot at this point. ik i am very much on what's considered the right path and i'm doing a lot for the purpose of getting better but my heart's not really in it lol. i just do it bc it feels like i have no choice, dying is unfortunately not an option and i got bored of doing nothing else. but i really wish i had any reason to be doing any of this beyond boredom. esp given how much energy i'm putting into it while still feeling like shit and wanting to kms on a daily basis 🥲

maybe if i felt like i have a shot at greatness. but i know damn well mediocrity is the best i can aspire for (actually that's one of the biggest reasons i want to die lol)

bc of my bpd i can't exactly love people normally, i can either be at 0% and slightly above it, maybe at most 40% of love for my favorite people (which is a lot by my standards, like almost everyone in my family can't break 20%, for example), but i have 100% too except that's just pure obsession. and it feels good even tho i know it's toxic and unstable. that's my only way to feel a positive emotion strongly. so maybe if i had someone i could be (mutually) obsessed with

maybe if i was able to create things i could feel proud of. unfortunately due to me being their creator, i already hate them by default

like i wish i had. anything. beyond the need to stop being bored. it's not sustainable. i know i'm gonna crash hard soon bc this is simply not enough gas to run on, and i'm doing a looooot of running on a device (aka my body. and brain) that was not designed for that as is

i don't even have little things to look forward to bc i can't care about anything 😭 like my mom keeps asking me what i wanna do for my birthday so we can maybe set smth up with my siblings but i genuinely. don't want anything enough to bother. i see people talk about being excited abt a game or new season for the show they like and the whole "i can't die until i finish x" stuff but i was never good at that. i tried it before and as soon as the thing ended i was back to being suicidal as fuck. the whole point of that method is to keep finding more little things so it never ends but i struggle to even find one so that's once again not sustainable at all

i'm gonna be alive until march 25th bc i committed to giving a lecture on the 24th. that's it. i don't wanna screw them over. but after that...? i don't have a lot of things to commit to. i might be in some theater production if i pass my audition this wednesday but that'll just end a few months later too. and it's not like i could get into anything else in the real world lol

there's just no reason to be doing any of this and it's... really hard to be doing stuff when you have no reason, i can't do it for the little things, how am i supposed to do it for literally life at large. i was gonna say it feels impossible but nah it'll be more right to say it IS impossible 🥲 no hope for me 👍

#vent #sorry 🫡

[baekhvuns]

True, Olivia x Helena - what a great duo. Ohhh where did your friend met Sebastian, did they talk? I saw him on a motorcycle in London once, hahaha

Omg, The Interview... not this movie 😭 does your uni has any dark secrets then? 👀

Advice wasn't 3 years ago, but the time is running so fast I'm constantly confused. Like wdym it's almost the end of 2022...

Some people say "it's their money they can do what they want" well yeah, though sometimes I question if it's really THEIR money not their parents, because wtf??? But those stans must be so fucking bored to fly everywhere? So no job, no school? Tbh I would be too fucking tired, I love Ateez but no way I'm travelling around the world for two months just to see them. Same with fan signs/calls, just let it gooooo at some point. 😭 Most of those fans might not be dangerous, but you can't convince me this isn't some weird obsession 🤡 the urge to block, especially a few Hwa biased fans kshdjsysjsuskshwu, but I wanna see the man - the struggle 💔

You're right, I HATE the concealed lips trend so much

Baeksussy back at it, I won't trust you again 🔪 Wolf Girl and Black Prince is controversial, but some people love it and I'm like??? It's not even dumb, entertaining fun, it's just awful. I only bothered because the guy looked good, but his personality? TRASH. And Erica... girl, have you no shame. Brother's Conflict I- yeah remember, who allowed it?! The guys were pretty tho

I read the latest installment of Campus Affair and SJ is also giving DUMB. I CANNOT WITH HIM ��� is there nothing behind that forehead??? Damn I need to catch up on the Harem. Tbh the character doesn't need to be black-haired, I can envision Hwa in every hair colour basically

I think BBC was shocked that someone as cheerful and nice as Chuu decided to stand up for herself. Ooooh I hope all the members can get away from that company (I think Vivi can't because she's a foreigner and would have to leave Korea </3), but not BBC denying it ofc lmao. I also hope Omega X wins their case and comes back soon.

Yes the chest, the Hwaboobs need to be covered too

I almost thought Spain x Germany would end in 0:0, hshahsiagshsha it was still a draw, but wtfffff. I could never take Neymar seriously, I know he has his moments, but I can't stand him and his shitty acting, he learnt all the tricks in Barca lmaooo 💀 this guy did a Neymar. ??? Yes, Tottenham players are doing well, can't deny it.....

I don't follow WayV's music, but I always see their questionable or loser behaviour, especially Yangyang 💀 but I felt that video actually, it happened to me

I need Soohyuk's sweater and I need Seonghwa in his sweater 🤗

I tried to find the best tier list, but all of them were missing something. My friend said she actually started making her own list a few months ago, sooooo maybe we will help her 👀 BESTIE THE HOLIDAY THAT LOW NOOOOOOO. Wait you didn't see Love, Rosie?! :o you must see it IMMEDIATELY. Here is mine

Stop because when Seonghwa dropped THE pool photos I instantly thought of that tenelka fic

WHITE HAIRED HWA IN THE JAPANESE MV LET'S GO LET'S DIE

That's what I said when they announced SuperM, no Changmin but Lookass?! Be serious 🔫

THE 2ND ONE I'M GONNA KMS!!!

I'm afraid about Seonghwa's and Mingi's hair, please please please no scissors 😭😭😭😭 and I don't wanna say goodbye to blonde Hwa either 💔💔💔💔

DO NOT SAY THAT TO ME I'M THE STEALER

Very true <3 I'm crying lol

WHAT THE FUCKKKKK. Seonghwa's a cutie though

.......... If I saw him outside my window I'd have jumped - DV 💖

hi hello!!!

True, Olivia x Helena - what a great duo. Ohhh where did your friend met Sebastian, did they talk? I saw him on a motorcycle in London once, hahaha

i need them to play like a fairy god mother vs the ‘evil fairy god other” I NEED THEM ON A DISNEY FILM !!!! they didn’t! the rush hour was too much but my friend momentarily froze bC JUST RANDOMLY?? we do not see anyone else but our canadian mascot ryan reynolds here so it was quite a surprise fhdbd AYOO??

Omg, The Interview... not this movie 😭 does your uni has any dark secrets then? 👀

LMFAOOOO YEAH THAT MOVIE 😭😭😭 seth rogan made my uni mad it was a whole fiasco fhsbshd,,, u know what i do know if they do but it is a creepy uni,, the most dark secret i know is that there’s a avocado statue in the uni garden <3 lights up as well <3 fbwndh

Advice wasn't 3 years ago, but the time is running so fast I'm constantly confused. Like wdym it's almost the end of 2022...

no bc why did november skim past so fast??? it was oct 31st like yesterday and now it’s snowing and dec 1st???? wHAAAT??? time is a simulation

Some people say "it's their money they can do what they want" well yeah, though sometimes I question if it's really THEIR money not their parents, because wtf??? But those stans must be so fucking bored to fly everywhere? So no job, no school? Tbh I would be too fucking tired, I love Ateez but no way I'm travelling around the world for two months just to see them. Same with fan signs/calls, just let it gooooo at some point. 😭 Most of those fans might not be dangerous, but you can't convince me this isn't some weird obsession 🤡 the urge to block, especially a few Hwa biased fans kshdjsysjsuskshwu, but I wanna see the man - the struggle 💔

NO BC EVEN IF IT IS THEIR MONEY,,, don’t u get bored seeing the same idols again? like isnt it inconvenient to sit on a plane and travel 7 seas away to attend a 1 hour fansign jetlagged completely??? no school, no job??? just vibes??? NO BC IS IT NOT TIRING TO WANNA TRAVEL WITH THEM REPEATEDLY??? “but you can't convince me this isn't some weird obsession” no u are correct, i get that they wanna travel just bc “yolo” but come on bro spending 400$+ on tickets for 2 months at idk 12 shows??? is it not tiring like id be physically exhausted at the second day of the concert, like ive seen this exact setlist yesterday why do i wanna see it for 2 more months 🤨 FBANDHWK SOFTBLOCKING THE FANSITES

You're right, I HATE the concealed lips trend so much

no like, we’re not gonna kiss it??? why are u hiding them??? it’s the bronzer and the concealer im about to fire this makeup artist 🔫

Baeksussy back at it, I won't trust you again 🔪 Wolf Girl and Black Prince is controversial, but some people love it and I'm like??? It's not even dumb, entertaining fun, it's just awful. I only bothered because the guy looked good, but his personality? TRASH. And Erica... girl, have you no shame. Brother's Conflict I- yeah remember, who allowed it?! The guys were pretty tho

LMFAOOOO 😭😭 no bc it had POTENTIAL but it was executed terribly tbh,, YOURE RIGHT HIS PERSONALITY WAS TRASH THEY WANTED TO MAKE HIM SEEM LIKE A USUI 2.0 BUT FAILED AT IT SO BAD,,,see the red haired one in brothers conflict, do u rmr subaru i-

I read the latest installment of Campus Affair and SJ is also giving DUMB. I CANNOT WITH HIM 😭 is there nothing behind that forehead??? Damn I need to catch up on the Harem. Tbh the character doesn't need to be black-haired, I can envision Hwa in every hair colour basically

FBWNDHWJ IM NOT THERE YET BUT THEYRE ALL SO DUMB 😭😭😭 NOTHING BEHIND THE FOREHEAD STOP IM GONNA USE THIS AS A DIALOGUE IN THTIS YUNHO FUC FBENFHEJ ,,, i also have it catches up on harem ever since that webtoon update about free passes each day like MF i can’t even read nothing???,,, ur absolutely correct, he is red haired hwa <3 but im sorry this. this guy right here.

I think BBC was shocked that someone as cheerful and nice as Chuu decided to stand up for herself. Ooooh I hope all the members can get away from that company (I think Vivi can't because she's a foreigner and would have to leave Korea </3), but not BBC denying it ofc lmao. I also hope Omega X wins their case and comes back soon.

YEAH!! the way they keep denying everything and jtbc calling them out on it fbdbd,, bc chuu’s so loved globally hopefully she doesn’t get blacklisted like a certain someone! vivi and hyunjin, hopefully vivi’s working with the visa issues before terminating! i hope so too! have a lot of evidence and hopefully they win!!

Yes the chest, the Hwaboobs need to be covered too

hwaboobs and sooboobs. need them both in a room, covered.

I almost thought Spain x Germany would end in 0:0, hshahsiagshsha it was still a draw, but wtfffff. I could never take Neymar seriously, I know he has his moments, but I can't stand him and his shitty acting, he learnt all the tricks in Barca lmaooo 💀 this guy did a Neymar. ??? Yes, Tottenham players are doing well, can't deny it.....

NO BC GERMANY IS NOT HERE TO LOSE,, seriously the teams this year are so unpredictably good <3 i keep laughing at how the guy from the saudi team got touched and he rolled over and fell 😭😭 mf how dramatic are u 😭🤚🏼 he deserves a rolls royce for that acting fbsnd,, LMFAOOOO neymar is so jokes STOP FBWKDHWK HES IN HIS NEYMAR ERA COMEON MAN LEARN FROM HIM,, he pretend to be hurt every match and now he is! LEARN 😭😭 ngl sk was robbed of a goal 🤚🏼

I don't follow WayV's music, but I always see their questionable or loser behaviour, especially Yangyang 💀 but I felt that video actually, it happened to me

wayv is so questionable sometimes i forget they’re a group bc they act like a walking talking sitcom,,, and yangyang,, why’s he always set up like that, breathing hard and groaning over a TAP FBWKDJAK

I need Soohyuk's sweater and I need Seonghwa in his sweater 🤗

im about to make soohyuk hwa’s father in the next fic, i can’t take this resemblance anymore every time. i just see him and go “so that’s what dilf seonghwa would look like, huh”

I tried to find the best tier list, but all of them were missing something. My friend said she actually started making her own list a few months ago, sooooo maybe we will help her 👀 BESTIE THE HOLIDAY THAT LOW NOOOOOOO. Wait you didn't see Love, Rosie?! :o you must see it IMMEDIATELY. Here is mine

SEND OVER THAT LIST ASAAAPPP BESTIES FRIEND!!! SAVE US,, lOOK HEAR ME OUT I DIDNT EVEN WATCH IT PROPERLY OKAY WHEN I DID IT WAS A MESS AND IT LEFT THAT IMPRESSION ON ME,, ILL REWATCH IT ONE DAY,, AND EXUSE ME WHY IS 5 YEAR ENGAGEMENT SO LOW ON UR CHART 🔫🔫 WHAT IS THIS BLASPHEMY

Stop because when Seonghwa dropped THE pool photos I instantly thought of that tenelka fic

no bc is this not… AD..

WHITE HAIRED HWA IN THE JAPANESE MV LET'S GO LET'S DIE //// That's what I said when they announced SuperM, no Changmin but Lookass?! Be serious 🔫

BETSIE WHAT IS THIS MV I HAVE NOT STOPPED SCREAMING !!!! no srs??! changmin would’ve been the best top tier addition to superm! his vocals and his dynamic with everyone would just been so much better!

THE 2ND ONE I'M GONNA KMS!!! /// I'm afraid about Seonghwa's and Mingi's hair, please please please no scissors 😭😭😭😭 and I don't wanna say goodbye to blonde Hwa either 💔💔💔💔

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT, FIRST THE LIP STAINS AND NOW THESE PC’S 😭😭 WHY DO THE JPN ALBUMS HAVE TO BE SO EXPENSIVE I WANT THIS FRAMED 😭😭😭 if the stylist comes near mingihwa or yeo,, im boycotting them 🔫

DO NOT SAY THAT TO ME I'M THE STEALER

DHWKDHKWDHKW HE SAID IT AGAIN WHAT IS THIS MAN DOING 😭😭 BAITING US

Very true <3 I'm crying lol //// WHAT THE FUCKKKKK. Seonghwa's a cutie though

omg stop it, his aura changes when he’s blond,,, idk if ive seen this before but after kai’s blond hair in monster ithought id never see an aura like that BUT seonghwa’s blond, every fucking type of it, im so in love. he’s so different with blond hair, it’s his fratboy calling actually

STOP I WAS ABOUT TO SEND THAT TO U

.......... If I saw him outside my window I'd have jumped - DV 💖

but uhhh anon is this not model hwa for a street magazine shoot. 🙂. I wOULD NOT LET GO OF THIS MAN bc what is this

anon 😭😭🤚🏼

mingi has joined the ysl line, i knew i could trust him, will be preparing a model mingi au

very surprising news, i dreamt about the guy who performed dreamers at fifa <3 first time. im, apparently, obsessed.

and exo finally exoing 😭🤚🏼 idk if u can see me crying

and i need to u do this. COMEON.

HE IS SO CUTE

#✉️ : ask #dv 💖 anon

[survivorsunsetrodeo]

Ep 11 | No Regrets. No Mercy. It's Happening. - Ari

Y'all.... the way I just.... asked Emma if she had an idol flaksjlakjfakls

She said no at first, but now she's saying yes lmao. OMG. I literally don't know what to do with this information other than like sit on it? Emma seems to be okay with me knowing this and as much as I want to tell Ari..... god idk this is so big.

This could really shake up the game for me and split up some of the big people in my alliance lkfjalkfja. GOD. Why did I even ask. Well knowledge is power and she wouldn't just like tell me if she didn't trust me???

I know I can't beat Ari and I think against Taylor it would be super close, but I also love them so much, so I would feel so bad if one of them went home bc of me lfkjalkfja. Like what is even happening rn!!! I just. Can't breathe. 

YALL. I just. CANNOT.

Taylor calls me right. And says oh btw Jacob, Ari, and Ali pooled money at swap in order to get the REVOLVER. Which they neglected to tell me. Which is so cute. But THEN! She also tells me that Ali wants to go for Ari this round flshjsjshaa which is kinda hot and I’m BITTER AF because I literally fucking spilled my entire anxious heart to Ari and felt like they were my number 1 and NOW they’ve been hiding shit from me??? Goodbye. So then I tell Taylor about Emma having the beer and now we know where both idols are this round so woo!

So then Ali starts to call me to tell me goodnight and that he loves me (he’s such a sweetie) and I was like Ali what’s the tea? And he just SPILLS everything to me about all the alliances he’s in with Ari and how he knows we don’t stand a chance against Ari at final tribal council. WHICH IS ALL FACTUAL. And definitely things I’ve been thinking about, but also haven’t had the guts to say anything about. So basically a plan was hatched in order to get the 3-2-2 vote to still happen but have it land on ARI with the idol in their pocket this round. I am literally going to go ALL OUT for the next immunity comp bc Ari cannot win.

Sorry Ari, this town ain’t big enough for the both of us. 

got my third idol probably gonna waste it thanks nic hehe <3 Its funny that i was on the very bottom of the tribe now that these people found out i have the idol they want to be my bestie and vote with me i am gonna try very hard to win this immunity so i could only maybe play the immunity idol on josh or he can play it on himself ASDFGH also f2 with 8 people jury just say that redemption island is happening i guess my game plan i hope is to get out ari (pain) then maybe flip and get out maybe dan/jacob i have a feeling after this vote that dan/jacob are probably gonna flip get one of me or josh out probs josh but i dont want that to happen so i am gonna try to make sure i keep on trying to build my relationship with taylor more like i did last tribal also noted wow my biggest weakness in orgs is not my emotions its honestly my self confidence damn also talk to ali more my goat brother <3 also i really miss brandi she was really nice also i feel bad but not super bad that jabari was out i wanted to work with them last vote but they were throwing me utb that wasnt good.. Idk maybe if i hella play these last few rounds then make a very convincing case maybe i do have a small chance of winning idk fuck touchy subjects AHHH it shouldnt effect me now but tribal made me remember again ASDFG even tho theres people who havent made moves like me.

https://prnt.sc/xo035n

The way I was complaining weeks ago that I was gonna go 16th place...I have to laugh. Me and Emma seems to be in a power position this round since the majority alliance is probably starting to turn against each other according to Ari which is great because I'll have options. Last round I told Emma to distance ourselves and search for cracks within the majority alliance. That led to Ari creating The Clementines alliance with me, Ari and Taylor. Now I'm on board on this group but Tay's been doubting keeping me over Jabari as soon as they found out Emma bought another idol. I'm lying to everyone that I didnt give Emma money (which I did) and told them Nic gave Emma money before he left (which was true but it wasn't enough to buy a $500 idol). Emma got close with Dan and Jacob (separately?) but after all the disassociation with Emma people still think we're working together because they keep bringing our names in private conversations. Emma thinks it's Ari & Tay vs Dan & Jacob but Ari tells me that they are willing to vote with me and Emma this round (with Jacob? idk) but I'm not really sure what the dynamics is on their side but Ari wants to go after Tay and Dan which I'm totally on board with the idea. I would rather have Dan go first because I think the Ari and Tay thing can still be useful and Dan has more pre-existing relationships than Tay I think. The best case scenario is for me to win Immunity and with Emma having the tier 2 idol the majority alliance is forced to turn against each other prematurely. Signs have already been forming when Jacob and I called a few days ago about "Taking out the threats". If I can pull off pretending to have an idol too that'd be great because it appears that NO ONE knows where the t3 idol is which is weird. One more thing is that someone noticed about the finale being a F2 with 8 Jury Members. That really doesn't sound right and people seemingly getting money out of nowhere it's possible that some sort of Edge of Extinction or Redemption Island could be at play here. I wonder how far it goes....Premergers feel like they've been gone for far too long to have an impact in the game but hey I could be wrong.

lolz i need to win immunity or josh idk josh is probably good at math i hate math but im gonna keep on trying hehe also if i see something in the saloon brought i know alis ass brought the idol im just gonna keep on trying to remind ali like hey bro if u want a chance of winning dont vote me off aha 

trust list you probably know 1: Josh > everyone else i need more ideas to make confessionals i am kinda tired at this point but dont give up until its over but honestly my tiredness is probably why i am in the retirement home also not me winning like 75 dollars when i almost wanted to abstain because this challenge is always a nightmare this challenge is more fun the emoji math maze... i think ali probs has the idol if he has 135 left when i told him if not if i see something in the saloon brought ill assume ali brought a tier 2 idol i know this tribal is gonna be crazy so i am gonna mentally prepare for it i also told dan i have the idol which is an L but everyone knows that i have it because why would they say they want to work with me when they hella lied to me during the nic vote  also its the fact they seem me hey best person to take to f2 next to ali thank god for this idol honestly i guess another thing im worried about i need to distance myself from josh but thats impossible because i know jacob was straight up with me and told me he wanted to work with me and josh also dan also was kinda like that as long as i can get myself safe this vote ill be fine but like i said in my other confessional  i know dan is probably gonna flip next round maybe i am thinking about targetting them if ari wins immunity o.o also i belong in a retirement hope random thing live finales make me wanna kms because what if i cry live thats so sad and my biggest fear im kinda okay at talking at finales.

so  u can score like 100m in this challenge good bye brb gonna try to get the most points..

ok here's the status report before i go off to bed:

dan is almost definitely tryin some funny business so he has got to go. i'm working with josh and emma on this one and i truly believe they are genuine, and jacob is obvs with that so it'd be four votes dan, three votes whatever the heck happens with the adoption centre split-vote plan. i don't think i even need to play my idol however im debating whether i should do so anyway because taylor is very much on the don't-break-ranks-just-trust bandwagon and i feel like she is going to be angery if i break that to go after dan without it looking like i felt very in danger? i dunno tbh. i could just pin it all on jacob and pretend to be shockedt but that feels a bit dirty and i'd like to own my moves thank u very much.... guess i'll play it out tomorrow and see how i feel

Not me waking up at 3am to a message from Taylor saying that Ari is feeling sketched out by me because I’m being calm.

Oh yeah Ari? Do you want me to act paranoid? I can do that, but maybe I’m not paranoid bc I know where both idols are this round. It just makes me think that Ari likes that I get paranoid and freaked out.

Part of me actually wants to tell them everything about the plan to get them out but at the same time I feel like that will get me voted out. I feel like the mind games are becoming a little too much for me and I don’t even really feel like playing anymore.

lol of course the person i wanted the least to win immunity wins immunity. Things are definitely starting to get spicy and i might've pushed it a little farther when i lied and said Dan is coming after Ari and I mean he might be but it's the push i needed to make for Ari TO STOP BEING VAGUE TO ME.

Bebop (named after Cowboy Bebop don't call me a weeb) has been formed yesterday and it's me, Emma and Ari. What a Galapagos reunion. Ari told that the majority alliance's plan is to split the votes 3-2-2. The 3 is possibly me because it's no secret Emma is going to play an idol. If no shenanigans happen it should be 3 for Dan, 2 for me and 2 for Emma with Dan going home but I do not feel good about this plan because if an idol is played then there's a high chance another one will. I plan on taking Emma's idol and playing it for myself with the reasoning is that there are people willing to keep Emma because of her goat status over me.

What's interesting to me is that Ari told me that Jacob doesn't like Dan and I'm not exactly sure why but if Jacob is open to voting Dan then I more than welcome it. Me, Emma, Ari and Jacob is the alliance that I've been wanting since merge started and how that hasn't been solidified yet is tragic. They're the three people I enjoy talking to the most. I mean, Taylor's great too but she's coming after me so she gotta go! The way that she messaged Ari saying "Are you sure it was the right choice to keep Josh?"....ARI OF ALL PEOPLE. Well, I'm glad the secret pair beware of #TeamLasagna is still going strong. Now that Ari has become less vague I know I can trust them a lot more.

i literally do not understand any of these people and it is driving me NUTS!!!

ok ok ok so like. josh tells me this morning that taylor said she wants to make a move on me because she heard i was talking to people one-on-one about her being most likely to flip. i immediately go oh f*#&$&#@ dan because i had SORT OF said that in our call yesterday so ofc he twisted it and used it against me. except!! then taylor herself calls me and says "josh came to me and asked if i trusted you and i wanted to get info from him so i made up this lie about how you'd said i was most likely to flip, i'm concerned he's coming for you" and i'm like oh f*#&$%#@ me. ofc my first instinct is to think she's lying as it seems like far too big of a coincidence for her to randomly come up with this story that is partially true..... BUT why on earth would she be telling me all this then? does she want to flush my idol? did she think the story would come back to me and wanted to get ahead of it? either way it doesn't make sense for her to say anything if she truly wants to vote me out, but the coincidence.... too much....... and should i be less certain of my relationship with josh? or are both their versions of the story true and they both don't want me out? my head is pounding i swear. plus jacob said that taylor told him she's "worried" about me because of what josh was saying, which lends more credibility to the idea she's being earnest in not wanting me out UNLESS she is aware of how close we are and assumes i'd tell him (i did)? I DON'T KNOW I JUST DO NOT KNOW

and then if that ISN'T enough, i have dan over here being completely erratic, first telling me how bad a day he's had that he almost wants to ask to be voted out, then saying that josh had thrown my name out which like ya i told josh he could do that. but dan's like "i'm not voting you ari i would never" and it's frustrating cuz he knows how to get to my emotions and i wanna believe him! i really do! especially since if he truly wanted me out he shouldn't tell me any of that shit. but i can't trust it i can't!!!!!! it's too risky!!!!!! ughhhhhhh

tl;dr this vote is a mindfuck and i'm 99% going to play my idol because i don't trust any of these fools anymore

also if i had a dollar for every time i tell jacob he needs to go be convincing to someone and he's like "ok bet" and fifteen minutes later that person is telling me "idk about jacob he's being so vague didn't really give me anything" i would have enough money to buy back my gun after i use it tonight

Y’all, sadly I think I’ve yeed my last haw

Well ignore my last confessional i dont want ari out idc how big of a threat they are or good at the game they are im gonna be loyal as i can to them idk before this i thought big moves and like flipping plus being kinda deceitful was to win i did get pots last year for playing that game tho but its like idk i feel like a new side to me like i rather be loyal to people who i been loyal to from the start and not make a move just to make a big move if i lose 7-0 so be it this game i had hopes of people working with me then being deceitful to me so i am just gonna do whatever tf i want this doesnt mean i dont like the people who i am against i think this merge was full of lovely people but theres people i am more loyal then others i honestly gave josh my idol to play because i rather not be alone without them in this game then be dragged to the end by somebody else also this is funny in orgs i thought years and years back ago me and ari are like oil and water, ketchup and ice cream but playing this game with them has been so much fun!! Also if i some how get betrayed or voted off in any round its okay NNN yeah i wish i had more of a game to prove but its very hard when everyone has different connections i really hope dan isnt super mad at me voting them off i really like dan as a person sometimes im dry in his pms but i did love like playing this game with them!! also i wish i can delete my first conf nnn

ugh i am just truly unsatisfied with this round no matter how it actually shakes out. i dont know what to say to taylor about dan going and i'm frankly too tired to think about it, i hate that im most likely wasting my idol but i would kick myself if i didn't play it & got stabbed, and i'm sad about the collapse of the adoption centre which is partly/mostly my fault anyway. i would like to get this over with as quickly as possible.

7th place isn’t something to be sad about I guess. Just wish I could have made it farther. I’m gonna be the most bitter juror out there tbh haha sorry Ari! 

This round is so scary I feel really bad about Dan 

i'm so nervous about who is gonna go omg i haven't heard my name at all but i am still nervous and idk who to trust ahhhh

I came from the best player to the one going home 

Power Rankings ONE - JACOB (+2) Threat: 6 (+2) Trust: 2 (NC) Looking back on this round, I didn’t realize how much power Jacob really had. Jacob could have single handedly sent dan home, but failed to communicate his intentions with the minority. Had Jacob of done this, I could have easily seen him sitting in the final 2. However, this misstep will have major consequences on his game. TWO - TAYLOR (+4) Threat: 7 (+2) Finally getting myself back into a position of power. Regardless of my downfall last round, I picked myself back up and went out of my way to message josh and Emma to see if they’d like to do something. Fortunately for me, they did. I could have sent dan home this round if Jacob had of talked to me (but he had no service). I would have been sitting pretty is a majority of 3 with Emma and josh. Threat level back up, back on track to win the game. THREE - JOSH (+1) Threat: 7 (+3) Trust: 7 (+5) Just like I predicted last round, Josh realized it was time to start making the right moves to get himself further. He just needed to break up the trio. I credit myself more than I credit josh though because I reached out to him, had I not of, he could have went home. But him joining with me was a good move for his game and he recognizes that. FOUR - EMMA (+1) Threat: 4 (+2) Trust: 7 (+5) Emma, similarity to josh had a good round because of me approaching them. Emma and josh didn’t even realize their games were at risk until I figured out that Ari, dan and Jacob weren’t voting me, rather voting one of them. Emma still left this round, but honestly if there was communication on Jacobs part about a flip on the revote, us 3 would have skated by. https://i.imgur.com/lFtZBsl.png FIVE - ARI (-4) Threat: 8 (-2) Trust: 1 (-1) Ari really lost control of their game at this point. Not only are they the biggest threat to win, but now they’re the biggest threat to win challenges. I also saw a different side of Ari that I can’t say I like. It’s funny because I used to always think to myself, “Ari seems nothing like an Aries, they’re so calm and wonderful and sweet” YEAH throw all of that out the window. Mad Ari is a different Ari lol. Anyways back on track, they for once I think were shocked by a vote, the double tie they had no control over. And finally, finally I think we are starting to see the decline of Ari’s game. Threat level is something I’m still trying to figure out how to control, and if you fail to control it like Ari did, you’ll see a similar result. SIX - DAN (-4) Threat: 4 (-3) Trust: 7 (+3) Dan lands here because of his failure to mend a relationship with me, now that I had Emma and josh wanting to work with me, Ari won immunity, and Jacob had an idol, it really only left me with the option of voting for dan. If Jacob had of said something, dan would have left this round. Because dan chose to link back up with Ari last round, and Ari lost control this round, subsequently that means dan also lost control. The one thing Dan has over is he isn’t seen as the biggest threat in the game.

#confessionals #AintNoGloryInTheWest

[hatchibomitar]

1-70

alright this has been sitting here for like a month and im tipsy so im gonna fkin answer it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

i have a great relationship with my mom!!

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

my girlfriend 😊😊😊😊❤❤

03: Do you regret anything?

oh sure i do! lots of little things. that’s anxiety babey. but i don’t regret any choices that have got me to where i am today

04: Are you insecure?

it depends on the day, i am some of the time - but it’s a huge improvement from the past omg

05: What is your relationship status?

in a RELATIONSHIP with the LOVE OF MY LIFE 

06: How do you want to die?

i do Not like this question ! goodbye thot

07: What did you last eat?

salsa chicken and rice, and zucchini!!!!! and i might annihilate a pint of ice cream later

08: Played any sports?

yes omg i played soccer and lacrosse!!! i love lacrosse sm.

09: Do you bite your nails?

nope i never have! i used to rip them off though lmfao! not the whole thing!!!!! jsust bits

10: When was your last physical fight?

never lmao

11: Do you like someone?

yes

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

no oh my goodness i would literally die

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

sober kaiden might be all dramatic and say yes but white claw kaiden says No :-)

14: Do you miss someone?

yes :( i want to be Kissed!

15: Have any pets?

yA omg i have 2 cats at my mom’s house!!!!! i cannot wait until i can have my own pet

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

i’m actually feeling fgreat, it’s basically my summer break rn and usually i’d feel terrible with no strict plans of what to do, but today was so much fun. i had a great time just fuckin around. im very optimistic

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

HEHEHE oh my gosh, i don’t kiss and tell, but yes i do actually. ok so not a public bathroom but someone else’s bathroom at a party, yes, and my own bathroom, yes, and someone else’s bathroom, yes! i just love bathrooms (wow i sound so cis)

18: Are you scared of spiders?

not especially ! i am Not good at capturing them and also i cannot kill them, but i am sometimes ok with just letting them chill. ok maybe i lied. it depends

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

no 😤

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

the brit Popped Out! the last place was, the airport when i dropped my girlfriend off :(((((

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

omg well it’s still the weeknd rn? it’s sunday night. and my plans were: d&D!!!!!! and it was SO FUN!!! but next weekend, im seeing my bestie graduate college along w my other mt friends, and then on sunday i’m driving home 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

Yes I Do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i ‘m not super sure, maybe 2? 1 would be fine too but also i feel like siblings are great, even tho they’re terrible at the same time. like i’d face my brother in ritual combat but i would also slap a high schooler in the face for being mean to him, yknow

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

i do! i have 2 closed up ear holes. 

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

i was always great great great at english/reading/spelling! now i’m in college so like uhhh . i get to choose my subjects. so my best is photography ahah!! but i’m not bad at writing :-)

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

not desperately. sometimes i feel the urge to reconnect with old friends tho

26: What are you craving right now?

a Kiss!!!!!!

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

wait omg first i have a story. so on facebook they used to have those things where you’d answer questions, like this, in a note. i got tagged to do one so i did. let me set the scene. it was sophonmore year of high schoool. im 16. i’d broken up with my first “real” boyfriend a few months ago. so i was tagged for this shindig right.? it got to this very same question: have you ever broken someone’s heart? and i thought about this kid who i dated for 2.5 months...and i was like....well, clearly, he’s devastated we aren’t together! so i answered “Yes. Unfortunately.” ooohhhhh..... the drama.......the absolute emotion..... riveting.... who was he ? i was probably listening to jonas brothers SOS at the time.

anyway, how am i supposed to actually know ? like does sometone have to say “u broke my heart?” bc if so no one’s said that. but my last gf took the breakup v hard so maybe ? but i don’t wanna plant emotions in to anyone’s skull!

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

one of my exes sexted her friends. jury is still out on whether that counts, please lmk me know ur thots. kaelin, if ur out there, i’m so.................................happy that i haven’t spoken a word to you for 3 years. fuck off !

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

Yes

30: What’s irritating you right now?

real quick, an update on the chocolate ice cream situtiaon. i’ve cracked open my pint, as well as another hard seltzer. i’ve also lit a candle. it’s a real production

anyway, no ! oh hahahah. sorry. thought it shaid who’s irritating you. ummm, personal stuff! but im not like mad. just personal drama

31: Does somebody love you?

lors of people do! and lots of people love You Too!!!!! you’re a delight!

32: What is your favourite color?

i LOVE yellow !!!!!!!!!!!! and blue, specifically teal! but not too dark of a teal you km,now ?

33: Do you have trust issues?

depends what im trusting them with !

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

i had a nightmare that i was sabrina the teenage witch and another witch was chasing me on a rooftop trying to kill me :(

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

hmmm idk actually bc it’s hbeen hard for me to cry lately :( probably maya ?

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

to be honest i don’t think i’ve often had the chance to Give a second chance

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

idk man iuhhh it’s kinda hard to just literally completely forget! and mnaybe not as healthy!

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

that’s kinda premature, it’s only april!!! but i suppose may is soon. idk im not sure! maybe every year is the best year of my life :-)

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

20 bb

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

i have ANaughT

51: Favourite food?

i would give up everything for a bgagel. i also LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVEE sushi! my fave roll is i think either spicy tuna w the spicy sawce or seared salmon ora spicy tuna hand roll. i fuck sushi

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

this is a hard question for me to answer bc i want to say yes but also i don’t think abuse or murder or bad things or unnecessary death happens for any reason other thna, it just does sometimes and that sucks real bad. so idk. i don’t think everything has a grand purpose. but i blieve in my life, everything that’s happened to me has in fact led me to where i am today and i’m learning and healing and growing. that being said i could do without some of the things that have happend to me!

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

read a storm of swords :00000

54: Is cheating ever okay?

no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the point of cheating is it’s a breach of Trust! and that’s not okay!

55: Are you mean?

i hope not :(

56: How many people have you fist fought?

what is with u brits

57: Do you believe in true love?

depends what u mean by true love...like in fairytales? i think true love is just loving someone so much you’re willing to work on whatever you need to to keep them. not unconditional in the sense of “even if they’re mean i still love them” but unconditional in the sense of “even if u fart in front of me i don’t care, and even if you go through hardship and aren’t yourself for a while i will still love you because im with u for real”

58: Favourite weather?

SUN SUN SUN my favorite is when it’s warm out, but there are clouds to gaze at. it’s kinda humid. there’s a slight breeze. oh gosh i can’t wait for the summer :*( im currently cyring

59: Do you like the snow?

i am so fucking tired of the snow LMFAO it snows 8 months of the year here and i’m here, guess what, 8 months of the year! i fuckin hate it! go shit on someone else, clouds

60: Do you wanna get married?

YES more than anything, so much, i want to, so badly

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OH MY GOD I DIE I MELT

62: What makes you happy?

sunshine, late night drives, laughing so hard my stomach hurts w/ my best frineds, playing d&d, writing poetry,  thinking about how small animals’ feets are, petting my cat and making him purr, talking to my little brother about real stuff, kissing my girlfriend and seeing her smile, warm blankets when it’s cold, eating cookie dough, dancing, singing in the car, holding hands, walking in the summer and listening to my favorite podcast, talking about harry potter with my mom, playing overwatch in the summer with andy, going to council crest

the list could go on forever :-)

63: Would you change your name?

already did PAL!!!!!!!!!!!

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

only hard bc she’s not physically here rn. but no, it would be easy, beacuse she’s so kisssable

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

if you define sex by GENITALS YOU BIG BIBNCH then i don’t Have one

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

stop omg......

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

STOP OMG

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

hmmmmmmmmmm..... idk maybe jamie

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

i don’t necessarily believe that there’s 1 perfect person for everyone out there romatnically, but i believe thaere are people destined to be in your life and i believe there are people that you will click with just absolutely instantly and feel an incredibly deep connection with, whether it be romantic or not

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

kinda morbid :/

#Anonymous #the life and lies of kaiden #this was SO FUN im gonna do the othe rone too!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 #maya #askies