#i need them back and i need them to be deabilitating and all-consuming and life-threatening...

[unityrain24]

everything is getting so tiring and i'm falling behind... in getting schoolwork done, in hygiene, in household chores... and the weirdest part is that my mental illnesses arent really getting worse though. Usually all of those coincide with when my depression/anxiety/ocd/ etc get worse. But they arent. they're still like... dormant, like they've been for an uncomfortably long time. I need them back. I need them to come back. I need my mental illnesses to be my whole life again. It's been so long. I need to be me again.

#i need them back and i need them to be deabilitating and all-consuming and life-threatening... #i want to be suicidal again i want to self harm again #i want the overwhelming anxiety、the pure FEAR、to drown me #i need to depersonalize/derealize/etc for hours on end #i need my ocd to get to the point where i'm ashamed and crying and tired and my hands are covered in burns and i can't fall asleep #and i know those don't sound like things a mentally ok person would say #but even if im not legitimately “ok” right now、i'm not bad、and i'm DEFINITELY not Bad. #and i haven't been for so long... #and yes yes “you arent defined by your mental illness” true. but also yes i am. #and no i don't literally Want it but there isn't a word in english to actually fit so want is the closest one. #also i just realized there might be some confusion but no this has nothing to do with my text post on healthcare. different problem. #unityrain.txt #vent in tags #mentally ill