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alfonzone · 4 months

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15 (+1) questions tag game - tagged by the ever full of whimsical energy 🩷💫 @bunniexmai 💫🩷

thank you for the tag!! I don't think I can answer these as creative and fun as you especially on mobile, but I'll tryyy

🌲 1. Are you named after anyone?

Actually , yessss, Me and my twin were both each named after our grandparents!! So he, my brother was named after my mother's father, while I was named after my father's dad!!

🌲 2. When was the last time you cried?

Tonight, but it's not because of self pity or anything like that. I mean yes, I'm a little bit sad about my life and am scared of the unknown of it, but I'll be okay 😊😊

I cried because my head hurts so much from my sinuse infection :/

🌲 3. Do you have kids?

No and honestly, I'm slowly accepting and being at peace with never having one in the future. SIGH.

🌲 4. What sports do you play/ have you played?

Oooh, Basketball, American football, football, baseball, and track!! I really want to try ice skating someday!!

🌲 5. Do you use sarcasm?

I'll use this again, What the fuck is sarcasm? Who is sarcasm? No, WHY is sarcasm?

yes, I dooooooo. But only in close friendships or with family because that shit is annoying and rude haha

🌲 6. What is the first thing you notice about people?

Like last time, their personalities and demeanor. I really don't really care about appearance unless it's something derogatory? But other than that, I like to keep it to myself, but characteristics are a huge radar for me.

🌲 7. What's your eye color?

Still these sexy, irresistible, and all consuming brown eyes 😌😌

🌲 8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings ALL THE WAY. I will only watch scary movies with my niblings or my future partner. Never by myself.

🌲 9. Any talents?

hahaha, I wishhhh 🫤

🌲 10. Where were you born?

TEXAS, but like the south side by the border!!

🌲 11. What are your hobbies?

Oooooh, reading, drawing, walks, jogs, basketball, gaming, cooking, baking, and visiting random stores like comic book stores, thrift stores, etc!!

🌲 12. Do you have any pets?

I used to have a cat named Ebony and a dog named esperer 💕

I miss them so much.

🌲 13. How tall are you?

5'7 or 5'8

🌲 14. Favorite subject in school?

ELA!! Something about going over about something I just read and trying to dissect it was fun for me!!

🌲 15. Dream job?

Working as an LPC in foster care centers/orphanages, homeless shelters, and retirement homes!!

However, more truthful, any stable financial job in which i can pay my bills, but still have enough for groceries, take out, or treat myself and loved ones to gifts would be enough for me 😊😊😊

🌲 16. BONUS/in place of 10- what reminds you of home (doesn't have to mean house... just things that remind you of the feeling of home)?

Hmm, this is a little difficult, but grocery shopping, walks at the park, every time I visit adoration at the chapel, playing soccer or in the playground with my nephews, walking from one place to another without having to rely on anyone to let me down or force to wait for them, music, movies/shows, playing video games - these all help me escape and daydream about feeling safe and cozy. A feeling that I think home would feel like; free, adventurous, grounded, safe, warm, and comfortable.

Did I make sense? I'm half asleep 😅 almost passing in and out!!

Thanks again for the tag!!

#tag im it #personal #life

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almightyhamslice · 6 months

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KIRBY'S DREAMLAND 3 ON THE SUPER NINTENDO ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEM!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAY IM SO STOKED ABT THIS DRAWING SERIES (it is going to take me a million years to finish and be much longer than KDL2 just a warning LOL)!!!! KDL3 is one of my favorite Kirby games, I played it all the time as a kid! Tbf a lot of Kirby games are my favorite. But this is probably my favorite OLD Kirby game! It's missing a lot of modern Kirby conventions, but I still love it so much, it's so cozy and warm.

In my gijinka AU timeline it's set about a year after Star Stacker, so Kirby is now 13. I dunno if I set ages for the original Animal Friends ngl. I think Coo's in his early 50's, Kine's in his early 40's, and Rick's in his mid 20's. ALSO I finally found out what the nonbinary equivalent to nephew/niece is!! It's nibling!! Kirby is Rick, Coo, and Kine's honorary nibling!

I will get into Acro and Ado's context in this gijinka universe during their respective boss encounters, but for now I CAN tell you about the new generation of Animal Friends! I described them on instagram as "extended found family"-- they're loosely connected to the original 3 Animal Friends in the sense that they know them well, but they're brought closer together through knowing Kirby!

Nago is from the Iceberg and knows Rick well because he often visits the Iceberg to improve his climbing skills. I imagine that he and Kirby might 'click' because Nago is trans and Kirby is nonbinary? Nago's a teenager/young adult, but is the oldest of the 3 new Animal Friends. He's a werecat and can turn into a giant calico cat whenever he feels like it! So I guess he and Rick probably would be friends since they're very alike?

Chuchu is from Ripple Field, so she and Kine have met before! Kine has told her many stories about his adventures as a Dark Matter hunter on the surface world, though Chuchu finds herself most interested in his friend Kirby! She thinks Kirby is cute and wants to date him. Kirby has never dated anyone in his entire life and has no idea what romance is like! Chuchu is a flapjack octopus mermaid with mild transformation abilities-- she doesn't have a fully human form like Kine does and is instead half human half octopus in her default form, but fully octopus while transformed. Chuchu is a year older than Kirby.

Pitch is a harpy like Coo, but he's just a lost baby essentially. He's only 4 years old! For now Coo is looking after him since there aren't many other harpies in Dreamland (much less any who'd want to care for Pitch) but they both really want to find Pitch's mother. Pitch sees Kirby as an older brother and likes to shadow him. Unlike Coo, Pitch shrinks when he transforms and turns into a tiny bird you can fit in the palm of your hand! I think he is a shima enaga specifically. A colorful one I guess. They can't be green irl lol.

ALSO I decided to reveal Zero extra early because honestly I don't like that they're just, at the end of the game only! And I like their design a lot. I've drawn them before. I think they deserve a bit more limelight! So I drew them in 2 panels here.

ALSO ALSO (oh my god this post is so long already) thank you everyone for blowing up my Gryll post!! glad 2 see there r so many Gryll enjoyers on here :)

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glabecurious · 3 years

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"Polly... we’re having another baby. You’re going to be a daddy again.”

It seems like only yesterday Jenny said those words. She hadn’t believed the test at first; surely those days of morning sickness, diaper changes, and hanging up precocious artwork on the fridge were since long past. But it seemed the Smith family wasn’t done growing yet.

They were having another baby, and Jenny was so, so happy.

That was before Polly died, and before she found out there were two babies on the way. A middle-aged widow, with twins. Fate must be having a good laugh at her expense.

Now Jenny just tries to hold onto whatever happiness she can find. Knitting helps. The babies are going to have knitted onesies galore by the time she runs out of wool.

Her family helps as well. She’s thankful they’re just round the corner, even if some of them are going to need a push out of the nest.

(Jenny has a grown-up son, and three brothers who wouldn’t know independence if it bit them. She knows about nests.)

“Have you thought about what we said at the funeral?” Jenny asks Lola, when she comes round one afternoon. “About that promotion?”

Lola looks like a deer in headlights. “Well... they’re still pushing me to go for it,” she mumbles, shifting in her seat.

“But you haven’t yet?”

“You know what I said..."

“‘Oasis Springs District Manager’,” Jenny muses. “That’s quite a title.”

“You’re my sister, Jenny!” Lola bursts out. “You’re about to have my... niblings? Siblings? God, my fathers are complicated.”

“Families often are,” Jenny says with a smile.

“And that’s why I need to stay! I know what it’s like to not have a family. I can’t just abandon you...”

“Who said anything about being abandoned? Lola, our brothers live next door! Chloe will be just down the road! Johnny has a full-time job now! I love you, but do you really, honestly believe you’re the only person who could support me?”

“No...”

“That’s what I thought. You’ve been offered am amazing opportunity. I won’t let you throw it away on my account.”

“Jenny --”

“Just tell me you’ll think on it, okay?”

(And Jenny does love Lola, but it’s easier to blur the lines between truth and lie with the half-sister you never knew existed for most of your life.)

When it comes to Vidcund, however... Jenny’s just relieved she can stop pretending for a few minutes.

“Of course I’m happy Johnny’s doing so well... but I’m wracked with worry whenever he’s on shift. He’s only a private, but what happens when he gets promoted? He’s really gunning for them, you know... He wants to be a sergeant by the time the babies are born. I don’t think he’s seen Ophelia for weeks.”

“And then if he gets caught up in whatever’s going on at the ██████ Lab... God knows what they’re doing there. I won’t even know if he’s safe because no one’s allowed to talk about it!”

“And Jill misses Polly so much, and I do too, but I’ve got to be strong for her sake... Her grades are slipping, but when do you tell a teenage girl to stop mourning her father and buck up? Then there’s going to be two crying babies in the house, up at all hours when she should be studying...”

“I just don’t know what to do, Vid. I really don’t.”

#the sims 4 #ts4 #simblr #strangerville #strangetown #jenny smith #lola curious #vidcund curious #johnny smith #jill smith #behold the exposition #wtsv

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themaddielorian · 4 years

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Living with mental and chronic illnesses are so fucking hard

I am having a HORRIBLE night. I’m pretty sure I had my first ever experience with, possibly, depersonalization (or maybe just an anxiety attack combined with a hypomanic episode???), I literally don’t know, but I need to vent. 2019 is almost over, and honestly? It has been one of the absolute HARDEST years of my life. So excuse my long post. I love you if you read it. Don’t feel obligated! It’s completely personal, so no fandom stuff really (except that is like to add that some of the people I’ve met through the Hozier fandom are people I literally consider some of my closest and best friends, and I would feel lost without them. Kendall, Molly, & Pooja especially, I love you all so, so, so much ❤️❤️❤️ thank you for holding me down).

6 months ago, I lost one friend that had been my bff for 19 years. My other best friend, I have no idea what is going on there. She said we should “take a break” like 3 weeks ago and we haven’t talked since, but she made a post on Instagram that makes me think things are maybe more deep than she made her texts seem.

The thing is: I *know* that my mental shit can make me a selfish friend sometimes. Sometimes I get wrapped up in myself and *my* problems, and that’s something that I know I need to work on. But I try. I do everything in my power to be there for my friends, for other people going through things I’ve been through that maybe I can help them with. I will stay on the phone with you all night if you need me. I can sleep later, idc. If you need me, I will be there. Unless I’m basically incapacitated by a migraine, I literally feel guilty if I don’t put myself out there.

But right now? It feels like I’ve been abandoned by all my “real life” friends. Whether it was basically nuclear (as in ‘needing to block this person on literally every social media account so I can stop the verbal barrage’, asking for a “break”, quietly unfriending me on Facebook, never initiating or furthering *any* kind of conversation, I feel so left behind.

I can’t get a job. I have trouble leaving the house often, even to go get groceries. It takes a lot of mental preparation to go out, especially if I want to actually look nice. My migraines have gotten to the point where I’ve literally had the same one for over 2 weeks now. Recently I missed a funeral (for my cousin’s husband, I feel so incredibly guilty I couldn’t make it, he was only 39 and now she’s a single mother of 2 at 38), I missed our family Christmas party which is the only time I get to see my cousins and my “nieces and nephews” (my brother never wants kids, my cousins are like my older siblings and their kids are really like the only little ‘niblings’ I’ll get, and I adore them all so much).

At my last neurologist appointment, my neurologist admitted that I’ve pretty much reached the point where disability is my best option. I didn’t want it, it felt like “giving up” (admittedly, something that is a very social bias from me; I’m scared of being judged by my incredibly conservative family if they find out), but I’ve come to realize it’s true and for the best, so starting in January, I’ll be starting that process. He thinks I have a good chance. I don’t know what kind of hope I have for it because of all the horror stories of denials and appeals and years-long processes, but if I can get it, and maybe Medicaid, it would make my life so much easier (if I were able to get any form of healthcare, I would be able to possibly go to to ER if I have more week+ long migraines, or I won’t end up with another debt payment like I have now that, with my admittedly nice payment plan, will take I think nearly 3 years to finish paying off).

To anyone I’m here who even just reads this and gives it a like, thank you. If you’re not familiar with chronic illnesses, or mental illnesses, first!! I’m no expert, I’m just living with them. But if you ever have questions, please feel free to come talk to me. If YOU are struggling, please don’t try to do it alone. You are NOT alone. We’re out here, and the more we talk about our illnesses, whatever they are, the less ~taboo~ they are, and the more we can lift each other up and support each other. My inbox will always be open to anyone who needs to talk. It can be anonymous or not, whatever you’re comfortable with. But know I’m here ❤️

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northpolenotes · 6 years

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Auntieviews Volume 7: Laurie Mathisen – The Pizza with Lots of Toppings Aunt

Hello there fellow Aunts and Aunties. Welcome back to Auntieviews. I recently had the pleasure of virtually meeting Laurie Mathisen through a FaceBook Group for Aunts. I thought Laurie would be a great person to interview for 2 reasons. First, she’s been an Aunt since she was 12 years old! Wow! That must have been a fun childhood. And second, she’s also a Great Aunt now since her nieces and nephews have started families of their own. I thought that dynamic would be fun to hear about so I just had to pick her Auntie brain.

Background

Laurie was born and raised in small town of Eagle River, Wisconsin. She loves it there because she’s surrounded by her entire family and gets to enjoy all four seasons. She’s a self-proclaimed “homebody”, but does enjoy a night out every now and again at a concert or comedy club. If you’re ever in the area, you might also spot her at the local art studio enjoying an instructional paint night. If not, that means she’s probably partaking in one of her hobbies at home. She loves to read, journal, and watch a movie while snacking on her favorite treat, Twinkies.

Before I began the interview, simply asked Laurie, “What’s something special or unique about your relationship with your nieces and nephews?” To which she replied, “With no kiddos of my own, I treasure the relationships I have with my nieces and nephews. My oldest nephew is 31, is married and has 2 kids of his own. They live about 30 minutes from me but I see them often. I love being around the next generation of nieces and nephews. When I spend time with them, my own problems disappear for a while. It’s a nice escape for me and they remind to just be in the moment, not to stress about things, and to laugh…a lot of laughing.” That put a smile on my face. Laughter is some of our best medicine, and who better to share it with than family?

Now let’s get on with Laurie’s Auntieview.

The Interview:

1.) Please describe your background as an Aunt. What are the names of your nieces/nephews? Are you an Aunt by relation, choice, or both? How many do you have? How long of you been an Aunt? How old were you when you first became one?

I first became an aunt when I was only 12 years old. My sister is 10 years older than me and was married at 19. She & her husband lived in CA when my first nephew was born; the rest of the family on both sides were in WI. My sister needed gallbladder surgery about 5 months after Ryan was born so I was able to spend the summer out in CA helping her take care of him. I was the first person in the family to meet Ryan; when I got off the plane and saw just my sister standing there my first question was “where’s Ryan?” (he was with my BIL at baggage claim).

I have 5 nephews, 1 niece, 1 great-niece & great-nephew. They are all by relation.

Ryan is 31, is a guidance counselor at a local high school and married to Sara who is 32, and works at a local technical college. They were high school sweethearts so she has been part of the family for 14 years. They have blessed me with a great-niece, Emma who is 4 and a great-nephew Jack who is 1.

Zachary is 24, lives in LaCrosse, is gay and the sweetest young man I know.

Aaron is 22, lives in our hometown, and works construction. He is tough on the outside, but a heart of gold on the inside.

Nicolas is 25. He recently moved to Nevada to work on the Hoover dam for 3 years. He is the one nephew I could count on if I needed anything done around my house, I miss him, but I’m proud of the responsible adult he has become.

Carter is 23, lives in our hometown, and has started working construction. He is slowly finding his way in the world but would give you the shirt off his back if you asked.

I loved those 5 boys so much; even though at times I wanted to strangle them…boys can be little monsters! Haha!

2.) Are you also a Mother or are you a childless Aunt?

Childless

3.) If you are childless, is that by choice or by chance?

I’m not sure if its choice or chance. I never married and now being 44 I know biologically I won’t have a child. I’ve thought of adoption or even fostering kids, but at the same time, I’ve realized I’m a bit selfish with my free time. I love being an aunt because I can take the kids for the day, yet give them back and have my own life.

4.) If you can think back to when you were first told you were going to be an Aunt, what were some of the emotions that you felt? For example, pure excitement? Anxiety?

I may have only been 12 years old, and my sister was 10 years older than me, but we were close. When she told me she was pregnant, I was ecstatic!!

5.) What do your nieces or nephews call you? Did you choose it or did they choose it for you?

My mom started calling me “Mouse” shortly after I came home from the hospital because I made squeaking noises more so than crying. The nickname stuck with family and close family friends. Around the time I was in middle school, I didn’t want to be called Mouse anymore. Then my oldest nephew was born when I was 12 and I didn’t want to be called “Aunt Laurie”, so I said that Ryan could call me Aunt Mouse. It stuck with the nephews that were born after him. Even now that all of them are grown men, I am still Aunt Mouse. My great-niece Emma calls me Mousie.

6.) Many Aunts are often looked at and referred to as second Moms to their niblings. Do you feel like that’s a fair way to describe your relationship?

To my sister’s 3 boys, I am definitely the second mom. I was a little closer to them while they grew up and involved in their lives a bit more than my brother’s 2 boys. My brother’s wife isn’t always the easiest to get along with and her side of the family was always put first over ours. I’m close to all my nephews, but I have different relationships with all of them.

7.) Do you live close to your nieces and nephews or are you a long-distance Aunt?

2 of my nephews live in the same town as I do; 1 nephew & his family live about 30 miles away; 1 nephew is about hours away, and 1 nephew is living in Nevada but only for 3 years, then he will be moving back to our hometown.

8.) As an Aunt, what do you consider to be the biggest value you bring to your family?

I love the kids unconditionally. There’s really not much that I wouldn’t do for them, within reason, and they know they can count on me.

9.) In general, why do you think Aunts are important within families?

Aunts are an extension of the parental units. We can offer advice, talk honestly with them, and give them the support they need.

10.) Even though your niblings needs have evolved from when they were very young until now, is there anything about your relationship with them that has remained constant?

We still celebrate all the holidays together. I still send or give birthday cards with money in them, even though most of them have better-paying jobs than I do. In this day and age of social media and technology, I’m in touch with most of them on a daily or at least weekly basis.

11.) I make it a point to schedule “just us” time with my niblings. Do you do the same? If so, what are some of your favorite activities to do with them?

When the boys were little, going to the movies or arcade was a thing we did often. When I spend time with my 4-year-old great-niece, we like to do arts and crafts. I also take her and her brother to the park a lot.

12.) What is one good piece of advice that you would give it to any new Aunt?

Don’t step on the parents’ toes, but love that little person with all you have. They’ll return that love in ways you never knew possible.

13.) What is one of the biggest difficulties you’ve experienced as an Aunt? How did you overcome it if at all?

When my one nephew came out as gay it was hard for him to admit, though honestly, I knew from the time he was about 2-3 years old. I never judged him, but he judged himself harshly and tried to hurt himself as he wasn’t sure how some of the family and his friends would react. It was a stressful time but he gained strength from knowing he had everyone’s support.

14.) What’s your proudest moment as an Aunt?

Seeing all of my nephews grow up to be caring, strong, hard-working young men. They are all far from perfect, but I am proud of each of them.

15.) If you could go back in time and give your younger Auntie self a piece of advice but would it be? And why?

Enjoy the times when they are little and want to spend time with you. Savor the snuggles and kisses, because the day will come that you’ll be lucky to get a quick hug or 5 minutes alone with them.

16.) I was once told that being a Mom is all cake and being an Aunt is like icing on the cake. How do you feel about that comparison?

I think that’s true. Mom’s have so much more responsibilities than Aunts do. We can love and support the kids just as fiercely as they do, but at the end of the day, the moms are the ones that have to make the tough choices and decisions. As aunts, we get to be the ones who swoop in and offer mom a break, play with the kids, share laughs and jokes, then leave.

17.) If you had to compare your role as an Aunt to one food what would it be and why?

I would say pizza with lots of toppings. Everyone loves pizza, and there are many different varieties; just like there are many different varieties of aunts and their relationships with their nieces and nephews.

Would you like to share your story of Aunthood?

Use the contact form below and I’ll email you back to get your Auntieview started!

[contact-form-7]

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queerloveandspaceships · 6 years

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2,10, and 18 for the Relationship asks?

Thank you so much!!!

2. What OC has/is a mentor?

There are a few applicable ones here! My favorite mentor/mentee relationship is Rheom and their mentor Ashan. Taush people value mentors more than blood family, so Ashan is closer to them than a father. Where typically a mentor might help train you to take their job or fill their place in the community, Ashan was so special, and really worked to nurture Rheom’s individuality! He knew Rheom was never going to be a moss harvester like himself, nor did he want them to be, and I think that’s why Rheom gravitated toward him. He’s a really cool dude :’)

Then there’s Aeri and Ipeivie! Aeri is the first science specialist aboard the Pa Neivis (the series’ main Dris ship), and Ipeivie is second specialist, which means she’s like one tiny rank above him. She’s older, from a pure pod (meaning she’s of a higher social status), and generally keeps to herself. But when Ip gets assigned to her department she’s like “Whelp. I guess I’ve got this sad, awkward guy to take care of now.” And kind of begrudgingly takes him under her wing (and begrudgingly grows to like him quite a lot). He thinks she’s the smartest/coolest, but tries to be extra-professional around her (at first). It’s cute :)

10. What is your favorite familial relationship between your OCs?

Man, I’m kind of obsessed with Ben’s family, honestly? I mentioned his older sister, Rose, and his nibling Ty earlier, but his parents are also very close to my heart. They’ve been so amazingly supportive of him his entire life, and I swear the second they find out he disappears in Storm, the whole family just falls apart. Ben’s relationship to his family is really painful, too, because he sacrificed many years of his young life to caretake his dad (who has early-onset Alzheimer’s), and has never really forgiven himself for abandoning them when he knows he could still have been of help – never mind that his mom begged him to go to college and live his life, he still feels guilty.

So yeah, the whole Shaw family is very dear to me, and I’m so excited for them to get their son/brother back after he goes missing. And to welcome their weird alien future-son-in-law into the family, which might be a slight adjustment for the whole group.

18. Which OCs would make the worst couple?

Oh my god, thinking about this one was so much fun. It was like I was mentally writing crack fic for my own story. I’m going to say that Ben and Rheom would make a TERRIBLe couple. Because even though, surface-level, they have a lot of interests in common, they’re both so intense that I don’t think they’d ever agree on anything, and their disagreements would be explosive, and neither would ever concede to being wrong. And honestly when they get to be semi-friends, some of those problems are already going to come out. Ben doesn’t back down from ANYTHING and when Rheom is right, they are RIGHT. It’s like if an unstoppable force (Ben) met an immovable object (Rheom).

#asks #ask game #<3 <3 <3 #storm #I loved these so much!!!#sorry I ramble #wine is encouraging the rambling #coveofmadness

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themerrymutants · 6 years

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Things I want for Christmas:

Under cut for quoting terrible things my dad’s actually said.

To be able to come home and know that I’ll be called by my name and not berated for my hairstyle or how I dress.

For dad to not be an utter asshole and actually treat mom and I with a modicum of respect.

Mom to voice her opinions more often.

Me to be able to move out.

Find a family of my own.

Find a church that doesn’t trigger anxiety attacks and an almost overwhelming urge to deck the pastor and ask him what in God’s name does he think he’s doing.

Find my place in the world.

Not be a salt lick to rival Lot’s wife anymore.

Be able to transition at last.

Find love.

Not have to fight dad tooth and nail to get treated like the adult I am.

Not have to deal with dad’s general terrible treatment of mom and I

Have money for both bills and things for myself.

Not feel almost crushing guilt when I get something for myself for once.

Be able to see my brother and other sister as well as their kids without having to hide who I am.

Not have to pretend I have an online friend named David who I share accounts with for some inexplicable reason

Impossible but: a chance to say everything I want to dad with no consequence. Or minimal consequence. Because boy do I have words for him. All the words. The best words.

twice but: get away from dad because he has some of the most terrifying ideas ever. Like the idea that if I was “lower functioning” he’d see me as incapable of taking care of myself. Or supporting Russia because “Good on them for sticking to their beliefs”. Justifying violence against trans women because what did they expect?

Never having to hear “you’re big people now. I can’t make you do xyz but *insert disappointment and major guilt tripping*” again

Proving to my mom that I won’t wake up one morning realizing that I’m nothing more than a mutilated lesbian with a hormone problem.

My dad realizing he’s an awful person and actually doing something to try and mend things

My mom to actually be supportive

My dad to be actually supportive

NEVER HAVE TO SEE THE HOUSE WITHOUT A CHRISTMAS TREE AGAIN BECAUSE WATCHING THAT POOR GIRL GET VERBALLY AND MENTALLY ABUSED IS JUST AWFUL

Dad to realize that Archie Bunker is not to be idolized

Like seriously

The man is meant to be hated. They’ve literally stated that in interviews

But my dad excuses his abusive behavior because he cried after his wife died. Because clearly that excuses years of verbal abuse tossed at her to the point where she was convinced he didn’t love her anymore.

Can I just not be Gloria and Michael Stivick anymore? Please? Because unlike those two I can’t say anything. All I can do is internalize this bitterness until it inevitably comes spilling out at random times.

Mom to divorce dad and live on her own or help me get a house where we can live together. And she’ll just have to deal with my transitioning. I’m seriously that tired of how dad’s treating her. I’ll put up with all the transphobic bullshit if it means mom’s out of this shitty relationship

Not have to worry about my niblings potentially being told that I don’t love them enough to come and see them. Honestly at this point I’d much rather them lie and say I’m dead. I’ve already got a plan for present delivery. I have one accepting sibling and I can give the presents to her to have her deliver them. I’ll write what to put in the cards and she can write them as dictated. My handwriting is far too distinct to get away with writing the cards myself.

The ability to buy myself a present and not have dad freak the fuck out over it. Especially since I never ask for much. Except to be allowed to keep my Christmas and birthday money because apparently that’s not normal

I swear if I hear “demented and sad, but social” one more time whenever I talk about any of the things mom and/or I do for fun I’m gonna fucking scream. Yes it’s a quote from the breakfast club but I think you’re kinda missing the point dad.

Also can you stop making fun of literally everything I do and then getting mad when other people do it?

And while we’re at it: how about just being nicer? Maybe try to understand or at least respect the stuff mom and I like instead of being a dick about it?

Dad to wake up one day and not be terribly racist, sexist, homophobic, biphobic, transphobic, nbphobic, and a whole bunch of other bad ics and ists anymore.

And if me in the future is reading this I’m praying you’ve gotten at least a few of these.

#ooc #christmas wishes #tw homophobia #tw transphobia

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doubleddenden · 6 years

Text

Journal 23

Not even 24 hours back home and I've been reduced to insult humor material. I take care of my sister's dogs because she and her husband are too lazy to do it. They leave their dogs for me to "take care of for a while" (read: dump them on me because again they're lazy). One is a chihuahua named Leer. I was holding her so she doesn't rush for them and the brother in law makes a comment about how "manly" I look with "my" dog. They have the nerve to ask me what my plans are later tomorrow, then immediately interrupt me to say "probably still sleeping".

Seriously. I remember when they threatened to ban me from seeing the kids when I joked like that to those two. I love my niblings but strongly dislike their parents. Just... GOD they make me so mad. After feeding their dogs, keeping their property up, taking their mail, finding their shit to mail to them in their hot ass house, and dealing with everyone's literal garbage and ALL the heavy lifting between three houses. I sweat myself soaking wet trying to do what I can. They call me lazy. They insult my masculinity for holding THEIR dog.

Fuck. These. People. I can't WAIT for them to leave for their next job and for me to move off to somewhere where they wont visit.

In less rage inducing news, I did more LP recordings. No mishaps on the tech end and i have a LOT of footage, but my eye started watering and burning. I may need to invest in computer glasses or something.

Also I'm still now getting over how great Danny Don't You Know is. It's literally what I've missed so much from music. Rad guitar, positive messages beyond meeting in a club or fucking a tractor... It's very weird to say it but Dan is kind of an important inspiration to me, although I'm not musically talented or watch game grumps as much as I used to. No, he inspires me a lot simply because he's been through some things I identify with a bit. His bout with mental illness, his less than ideal childhood, and most of all his age. I'm honestly at the point in my life that I have to keep reminding myself that I'm not a failure as an adult just because im not married, have 5 kids, or my dream job at 24. The awkward phase between 12 and 29? Cries a lot? Me to a T.

But he also said it takes time for bananas to ripen. He said he found his tribe. He's living his dream because he didn't quit. God dammit Dan, I love you you magnificent beautiful bastard. You're weird af and you and Brian make amazing music, and TWRP too since they're definitely partly responsible for this. I'm miserable as hell and talentless and awkward looking and acting, and I don't have as many friends as I used to.

But you know? I still have dreams I want to accomplish, even if they seem impossible I want to work towards it. Someday I WILL finish a damn book and I WILL get published, even if it's on my deathbed at fucking 90. I'll mail a copy of it to the teachers who said I'd be failures, I'll mail copies to the people who believed in me and kept me going, and dammit I'm not about to let my shitty situation or my stupid fucking ADHD that makes reading a living nightmare or my depression that ruins motivation, makes me sad, and takes away my energy crush my dreams.

And you know what? I want to be a let's player too. I want to play games and entertain people. I'm awkward and broke, but once I'm finally able to support myself we with stable real world work and can afford better equipment and games? Watch out. I'm coming after this childish dream's throat with reckless abandon. Until then I'll stockpile videos until I have enough to add to my channel daily and then some.

Maybe I won't get popular but you know? I gotta try. I've got to try. If not then what the hell am I talking to myself for?

Denver, Don't You Know? You're alive and fighting, however weak your punches at life are. Survive middle school, survive high school and make bountiful friends in college and online. Nurture your hobbies and don't stop until you're satisfied. You'll have your dreams shattered, your heart broken by the people closest to you, you'll lose people you thought would never leave you behind, you'll learn about some things you thought were right were actually wrong and cruel. You'll learn true friendship and triumph, you'll learn betrayal and utter failure. You'll still have an ongoing crisis about the way you look, and I hate to say that I look worse, minus that weird bowl cut you had or the pants you wore up to your armpits. But don't you know?

You've got dreams, kid. Dreams far too big and beautiful to just quit on. Wanna get back at those teachers and bullies who said you wouldn't amount to anything? Wanna show those relatives that abandon and mistreat you how you can survive without them? Wanna make your dad proud for working himself brittle, broken, and into an early retirement?

Then let's survive and kick life's ass. Let's become a better artist, let's write books and make games, let's play games and talk over them, let's get out out of this hillbilly home for infinite losers and find where we belong. You're ugly as hell on the outside, but you're hot as fuck on the inside. Let's become the most radical bastard to be written in this town's history books and a gentleman that makes all the girls go batshit crazy.

Let's try. Again and again and again. Let's try and never give in to the dark thoughts or my self-hating biology that makes want to keel over and stop. Let's try and become something beautiful to be envied, celebrated and loved, inspirational and defiant to life's unfairness. And when that horse knocks you down? When it keeps throwing you off? Find a bigger, better horse and tell the old horse to go fuck itself. Let's just try to make God himself regret trying to crush us with all of the bullshit he's allowed to happen to us and bloom into something far more than just a stepping stone for others to walk on. Let's try.

Positives:

Life: I'm alive and inspired. I got to hear this powerful song and let it rock my soul into gear.

In general: songs like this inspire others into action to keep going and keep trying. If I can keep going after everything and everyone I've lost, then so can others.

#den's journal of positives #fucking hell this provmbably the most positive journal entry

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