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kandadiff · 3 years

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Runnin' with the Devil 1

You watched your husband from your place on the couch and pulled your legs into your body in an attempt to warm them, your mind wandering to just a year ago. Where you were in the warm arms of Jay Park, spoiled with champagne and as much sweet things as you could fill yourself with. But now . 'Nothing like how it used to be,' You thought. You missed Jay, he made you laugh, not that you did much of that these days. How could you? When you were in the same house with your biggest enemy?

Your eyes wandered over to the massive ring that stood out on your finger, making your hand look even smaller then it already was. The huge diamond complimented by the other diamonds that rounded the rock, gold encasing their holding and a small red dragon engraved within the main diamond. It was no mistake what this ring truly symbolized. You belonged to him now, The Red Dragons and the Kwon Family.

Your mind floated to when the Red Dragon rescued you from the Brotherhood. You were with Jay on his arm at one of his lavish parties that he threw every year to keep the peace between the families that ran the state. Except instead of the night being filled with the sound of laughter from to much drinks and music from the DJ, it was swollen with blood and gun shots. At first it was Jay that grabbed you when he heard the first gun shot ring out into the air made by some hired man. He pushed you to his second in command, Jackson, and you were with Jackson for a long time until a bullet went through his chest and your face became streaked red. Another Brotherhood member, Chan Bang, grabbed you and seemed to bring you toward the masked intruders who in shock all you could do was watch as they shot down people like it was a sport. Most of them laughing as they did so. You fought against Chan, but maybe it was the excessive alcohol your drank that made you unable to get out of his iron grip or the fear of being next. One of Chan's close friends, Hyungjin brought Min and Suzy, a short bubbly girl and a baby faced angel of a girl who were dating another brotherhood member, and you watched as the masked man shoot both of them point blank as they begged for there life before he pointed the gun at you.

yA pop rang out in the air and instead of you going into the pile of bodies with Min and Suzy, it was the masked man. POP! Another one shot down Chan, you came loose from his grip as he fell into the piles. However before you could run the shooter grabbed you. "Let's go!" his voice was rough but his touch was gentle yet urgent. He led you through the ballroom avoiding the gunshots with skill, as though he was trained for this his entire life. You knew who he was, everyone did. Jiyong Kwon, son of YoungHwan Kwon leader of the Red Dragon's and next to take over. Once you were outside he rushed you into a car and drove as fast as he can while cops sped past him heading to the bloody scene which would later be called THE BALLROOM MASSACRE.

He brought you back to his lavish penthouse and brought a doctor (thats how you reconnected with me) to check on you and him. Physically, you were unhurt minus a few scratches but mentally- you were not. He suggested you stay with him for a few days until everything cooled down. And during that time, the news of the event, soiled your mind more and more everyday as more and more bodies were counted as dead. People you knew, people who you laughed with, cried with, loved. Gone. No news of what happened to Jay - you presumed he was dead. Only seeing Jackson on the TV, beat up and on crutches. Through all that Jiyong was there for you, one drunken night bringing you close, spilling secrets to each other with the only witness the fire that burned in the fireplace as you drank. Those few days turned into months and soon you found yourself in love with the man especially when he drafted another peace treaty with the other mafia families and excited those who killed at the Ballroom Massacre.

Which is how you ended up with two children babbling upstairs. You aren't sure how you became pregnant - not at first at least. You were careful or at least you thought you were. You used condoms, even had an IUD. But one day you were feeling nauseous and bloated and tender and he suggested going to the doctor. He made me come to the house and take blood, a few minutes later you found you were pregnant. And though Jiyong tried to hide it, we argued or were cold with each other every time we saw each other. 7 months later you gave birth to Anastasia Min-Lee Kwon and Apollo Taehyun Kwon and you were married at a huge ceremony in the city that was more protected then the royal family. But like all good things, that too must come to an end and thats when your life, which seemed to be going to well fell apart in your hands.

"About" stomach turned as you thought about that day only a week and a half ago. You sat in my house, a smaller less extravagant house then yours however the garden that surrounded it was a perfect place to sit. A gazebo gifted to us by Jiyong after I helped you after the massacre, is where we sat. Eating at the small table watching while, Marceline and Salem played with the babies, your nannies enjoying that they are getting a quick break in this picturesque area.

You smiled hearing the sound of your babies laughing, happy to hear it without your father in law interrupting the noise, you were about to comment on it when I interrupted your thoughts. "I wish I could have protected them better." Your eyebrow raised at the serious of my tone but before you could ask I spoke again "with Marcie mostly," I clarified "Salem - he doesn't know all that Marceline knows." I hadn't really gotten into what happened in the past before I showed up back in this town. But I left with a man named Negan and came back with a little girl and a friendship with Mr. YoungHwan Kwon and a body guard only known to you as Suga.

You weren't sure what to say so you said "We do all we can, you know. You're a good mother." You looked at me concerned seeing something clearly on my mind. "Whats wrong?"

"I'm sorry, adi." Confused you just looked at me waiting for me to explain. "I wished I could have protected you too."

Your mind flicked to the bloody mess of that night and you shook your head, in an attempt to stop thinking about it. "You couldn't have known, you weren't even there."

"I wished that I could have protected you from Jiyong," I said and your mind swirled in even more confusion. "I should have warned you when he took you from Jay. But I didn't want to believe he would do that- I was so stupid. Yoongi told me but I didn't believe him. Then when you got pregnant- Yoongi and me were trying to have Sunday. He was so happy when he first held him, I don't think ive ever seen him happier. The smile didn't leave his face for weeks and even now every time he speaks about the kids his face still lights up the same way it did all those years ago. He even tattooed there names on his chest, that was the first thing he did out of the hospital. I saw the same thing in Taeyang when he had his son, and in Bom and her husband; just pure unfiltered joy." You raised an eyebrow about to ask what that had to do with anything when I looked at you. "When I Jiyong told me you were pregnant, that look - wasn't there. It was something else; something darker, like he had just accomplished his master plan. Then I remembered you told me you had an IUD and you wore condoms. So after I took your blood, I went into your bedroom and searched until I found the condoms and went to the sink. I filled all of them with water and each one had holes in it. I told Yoongi about it and he questioned the other doctor on Jiyong's payroll - after about an hour with Yoongi he admitted to drugging your wine and taking it out."

Your heart sunk, no, your husband wouldn't do that to you. I was mistaken - it had to be some kind of joke. You shook your head but I nodded.

"Its true." I said "and he found out I knew, thats when you caught us arguing. He knew after getting you knocked up, you'd marry him. He pretended he was the perfect husband so why wouldn't you?" You looked down at your ring instantly feeling nauseous.

"Why didn't you say something?!" you shouted bitterly catching the attention of the nannies. I waved at them to continue and told you to stay quiet. "Why should I?!"

"Because he's listening." I said motioning to the ladies. One of them carried a small device pinned to her chest, it was supposed to be just a pin but I knew what they were. A little transmitter like Negan used to use.

You're heart beat fast in your chest and you forced yourself to be quieter. "why didn't you tell me?" I motioned once again to the kids. "Oh please, Jiyong wouldn't kill kids." I sighed and unfolded a small series of pictures. There you saw pictures - candid shots of mine and Yoongi's small family, shopping, eating, taking them to school along with a phone number written in Jiyong's district handwriting along with the words 'Keep my secret and ill keep yours'. "What does this mean? who's phone number is this?"

"Negan's." I said simply and before you can ask why can't he know I stopped you. "I didn't just leave Negan. I escaped from him, he wouldn't let me leave and he killed everyone who tried to help me or talk to me. His entire fucking compound is decorated with the body parts of people I used to be friends with. He wanted me to rely on him and only him. He wouldn't even let me out with Marcie without him. When I left he told me he'd kill Marceline in front of me if I didn't come back to him. For the next week he killed a woman every single day, just cause they sort of looked like me. The day I got out of that town he killed a woman and her son because he thought it was me and Marcie in disguise, the little boy was only 4 years old and he shot him in front of his mother and strung her up on a tree in the park. Imagine what he would do to them" I looked at the laughing children, "or Yoongi, I know if I ever see Negan again I'm dead but I'm not going to let him find out about anyone else."

For a while you were silent, sitting in the news that shattered your view of your once perfect family. "Why now?" You asked after a while.

"We're leaving - it's the only safe option and I want you to come with us. Take your children and come with us. You aren't safe there." I said and you let out a shaky sigh "Yoongi is the best at disappearing; we'll be untraceable." You heard the nannies in the distance telling the kids its time to go inside and I stood up. You eyes wandered to the children running towards you while the nannies, wheeled the baby carriages over towards us.

"Mommy!" Marceline shouted holding up a handful of flowers "Look!" The nannies approached at a quick speed, to quick for your liking; if you were going to meet me, how were your going to know where?

"Look like its time to go Mrs. Kwon" one of them said to you "Mr. Kwon is calling."

"Good;" I smiled acting as though I didn't drop that bomb on you. "Have a good trip home," I lifted your twins out of there carriage and kissed each on the cheek. "say goodbye to your aunt." My children wrapped there small arms around your legs shoving flowers into your hands and pockets, causing you to laugh and hug each of them. I hugged you tight and picked up a flower that fell from your pocket and put it in your hand where you felt the soft piece of paper wrapped smoothly around the stem. "I hope to see you soon."

Now a week and a half later you still had the piece of paper buried in the small flap under the felt of your jewelry box watching as Jiyong laughed with TOP at a show they were both watching wondering how your life got so fucked up.

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you-and-i-for-forever · 4 years

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10 Things I Hate About You AU Chapter 11

Fandom: Be More Chill, Dear Evan Hansen

Word count: 6.5k

Feel free the read this on my ao3 instead!

Evan tried to force himself to feel confident as he walked down the stairs. He had been able to keep his anxiety at bay so far, but there was no telling when it might overtake him.

He swallowed heavily behind the tie he had taken eight minutes to successfully put on. Evan quickly grabbed a small container out of the fridge and made his way to the front door.

Mr. Heere was sitting on the couch, legs propped up on the coffee table, reading a book about parenting.

“I’m going to the dance. I’ll be home later.” Evan said, looking out the window to see Michael was parked in on the road, waiting for him.

“That’s funny Evan,” Mr. Heere said, who didn’t look up from his book.

Evan let out a quick, breathy laugh as he closed the front door.

It was kinda was funny.

Jeremy ran his fingers through his hair again, making sure it was perfect before racing downstairs. He smiled at his dad made his way to the front door where his ride of Brooke, Chloe, and Jake were waiting.

“What is that?” His dad asked, getting up from the couch and gesturing at him.

“A…suit?” Jeremy answered confused by the confusion.

“Stop. Explain.” His dad said, crossing over to him.

“Okay. Remember how you said I could date if Evan dated? Well, he somehow found this guy and they’re dating now. Which kind of really works out for me because I was asked to the dance. And since Evan went, I guess I’m allowed to go too.” Jeremy said with a smile and a shrug before opening the door and waving to his dad.

“This is not good.” Jeremy heard his dad sigh under his breath before he closed the door completely.

When they got to the school, Michael and Evan found Rich right away, standing outside and away from the crowds of people filling in through the doors.

Once they were out of the car, Evan watched Michael bounce over to Rich and fist bump each other and laugh. Evan smiled, happy that Michael was going to have a good time tonight, regardless of Jeremy.

“Hey.” A voice said from behind him. Evan jumped and turned around.

Connor looked so…amazing. He was wearing a black suit with a long black ribbon where a tie should be. His suit jacket was textured, almost velvety, with little detailing instead of buttons. His hair looked slightly styled and pushed behind one ear. He was so tall and lanky and absolutely, devastatingly beautiful.

Evan wanted to tell him so.

“Connor you look…I-I-I-mean-I mean you really look, just…you look...” Evan stumbled and stammered before coming up with “wow.”

Connor’s face grew a little red but he smiled, “You too…Nice tie.”

Both of them let out nervous laughs. Evan was just wearing a blue suit with black lining and Connor’s tie, nothing special. Nothing like how Connor looked.

“Oh here. I got this for you.” Connor said and pulled a bundle of flowers out of his pocket. Cedar leaves and small purplish-blueish flowers. Evan thought they might be forget-me-nots.

“We didn’t really say if we were gonna do these but I thought it could be cool.” Connor moved forward and skillfully pinned the boutonniere to Evan’s lapel.

Evan pulled his hands from behind his back to reveal his boutonniere for Connor in a plastic container. It had been sitting in his fridge for the past few hours. Evan fumbled with opening the lid but was finally able to pull out the arrangement of half blooming red roses. A small heart dangled from a chain on the end of the pin and Evan saw Connor raised his eyebrows at it.

“You might not wear your heart on your sleeve, but…” Evan let out a small laugh, and the air between them seemed to say, “but you can wear mine.”

Connor’s gaze trailed up from the pin to Evan’s eyes. Evan was surprised to see Connor’s face as red as the roses. He put his hands on either side of Evan’s face and pulled him in for a deep kiss. Evan made a noise in surprise but kissed back, pleased to know that he could make Connor look as flustered as he made Evan feel all the time.

“Hey! Come on you guys!” Michael called and Rich snickered.

The two of them broke apart and Evan gave an acknowledging wave to Michael before finally pinning the flowers to Connor’s lapel. Connor reached up and touched the heart charm delicately.

“Let’s go,” Connor said and grabbed for Evan’s hand but paused. He scrunched up his face in confusion, “Wait a minute.”

Connor pulled Evan’s hand up to inspect it. Evan had messily painted his nails black, with the help of a YouTube tutorial, to match Connor’s.

“Oh, I thought we could match,” Evan said.

They smiled at each other and giggled, Connor brought his hand closer to kiss it.

“You’re a good boyfriend,” Connor said against his hand.

“Boy-boyfriend?” Evan stuttered out.

Connor squeezed his hand and nodded, “Well yeah, I wouldn’t just do all this with just anyone. Come on, let’s go inside.” He walked with Evan over to where Michael and Rich were waiting.

As soon as they entered the building, Michael tried to pull Evan and Connor onto the dance floor. The pair uncomfortably laughed him off and said they wanted to go and get something to eat first. They wandered off and ate some cookies and drank punch and sat at one of the decorated cafeteria tables.

Evan, not exactly sure of his end goal, kept shying closer and closer to Connor. Eventually, Connor put his hand on Evan’s waist and pulled him close. They watched their classmates jump around and dance to a bunch of pop music Evan had heard once or twice on the radio.

Evan saw Michael dancing around with Rich. Well, it was more flailing. After a while, Jared appeared out of nowhere joined them. Evan watched Michael point Jared towards him. Jared jogged over and rested his hands on the table.

“Hey Connor, love the jacket,” Jared said in a voice that was between teasing and genuine.

Evan watched Connor stare Jared down before giving a cautious, “Thanks.”

“No problem,” Jared grinned like the Cheshire cat and leaned forward, “Say, you wouldn’t mind if I danced with Evan for a bit, would you?”

Jared reached his hand out to Evan. Evan felt Connor’s grip on his waist tighten.

“I’ll come with you,” Connor said and stood up, Evan following his lead.

Jared smirked, “Come on then!”

Evan and Connor followed Jared over to the group.

“Hey, finally!” Michael cried, out of breath as he continued to spring up and down.

“Told you I could get them out here.” Jared laughed.

Evan glanced over at Connor and was surprised to see his head bobbing to the music. Connor glanced over at his with a small smile before starting to rock on his heels in time with the music. He looked so genuinely happy and young. When Connor was upset it looked like he was much older to Evan. But right now he looked like any other 17 year old in the room, having fun and starting to dance a little.

Evan started to bop up and down, so embarrassed to be doing this where anyone could see, but willing to do anything at this point to keep the smile on Connor’s face.

After a bit, he and Connor were both jumping up and down with the rest of their group and singing loudly to songs that all sounded the same. He and Connor held hands the entire time.

Jeremy, Jake, Chloe, and Brooke finally arrived at the dance after sitting in front of the school in Brooke’s mom’s minivan for 20 minutes.

“It’s called fashionably late,” Chloe had said, rolling her eyes and applying more pink lipstick.

Jeremy and Chloe hadn’t spoken about what happened that night at the party and, honestly, Jeremy wasn’t sure he ever wanted to. Jake didn’t know it had happened and Jeremy didn’t want to bring it up now. Or ever, maybe. It didn’t sit well with him, but for now, it was better than causing a fuss.

As promised, Jake was wearing a purple suit, lined with gold trim and he did look good in it. He had painted the white casts on his legs purple to match and decided that this was the perfect night to dump the wheelchair and totter around on crutches.

Jeremy had his arms wrapped around Jake’s waist as they slowly made their way into the school, wary of the snow that was just starting to fall.

Chloe and Brooke immediately left Jeremy and Jake once they got inside.

“Probably going off to find their dates,” Jake said, smiling down at Jeremy.

Jeremy smiled back at him then looked out to the sea of dancers.

Michael caught his eye immediately.

He was jumping up and down, hair flying all over the place.

Jeremy felt the corner of his mouth pull up, almost completely forgetting everything bad that had happened between them lately. As soon as he saw who Michael was dancing with, Jeremy’s mood immediately took a nosedive.

Jared.

And Rich, for some weird reason.

But he was here with Jared. Of course, he was here with Jared. Who else would it be? They were always together and it was so obvious they liked each other so it really wasn’t that surprising.

Jeremy swallowed around a lump in his throat.

He completely missed how Jake was staring at the same group, how his eyes lingered on Rich.

“Let’s get some punch.” They both said and made their way towards the food table, both quietly trying to ignore their sadness.

The DJ continued with the steady flow of fast-paced songs before she finally reached for the mic and announced, “All right party people, it’s time to slow things down a bit, so grab a partner if you have one, and if not, this is a great time to go rehydrate and chat up that cutie you’ve been eyeing all night.”

Evan’s group of friends all stopped dancing around and Michael and Rich partnered off with each other. Connor pulled Evan close to him, looking warily at Jared, the only person without someone in the group.

“Don’t worry, lover boy.” Jared smiled and cocked his head toward the snack table, “I’ve already got someone else in mind.”

Jared disappeared and Evan turned to face Connor.

“I’ve never slow danced before,” Evan said, a hand instinctively coming up to pick at a cast what wasn’t there anymore.

“Me either.” Connor said and grabbed both of Evan’s arms and wrapped them around his waist then placed his hands on Evan’s shoulders, “But I’ve seen movies.”

Evan leaned forward and kissed Connor before nestling his head on his chest. Their feet shuffled along the floor and they just sort of swayed together. It was probably stupid…but Evan felt so safe when Connor had his hands on him.

As a second slow song started, Evan heard Rich and Michael gasp.

“What would I do without your smart mouth? Drawing me in, and you kicking me out” Rich and Michael started to sing.

They sang fairly quiet for the most part, but as soon as the chorus hit, their voices became very loud and very obnoxious.

“'Cause aaaaaaaaall of me! Loves aaaaaaaall of you! Love your curves and all your edges! All your perfect imperfections!” They shout-sang.

Evan opened his eyes and saw that most other couples were moving away from the two, glaring. He laughed a little, but Connor huffed and started dancing them away from them as well.

“They’re having a good time.” Evan hummed.

“They can go have a good time somewhere else, I don’t want them ruining our night.” Connor murmured into his ear.

Evan pulled back so look into Connor’s blue and brown eyes, “Nothing could ruin this night for me.”

Connor’s face broke into a goofy grin then roughly pulled Evan into a kiss. Evan giggled as Connor trailed kisses up to his forehead. They started swaying again.

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” Connor whispered.

“Me too,” Evan breathed, feeling like all the wind was knocked out of him.

Connor leaned down and they kissed again. They were in their own little world, dancing closely together.

This night was not going as Jake had planned. He had wanted to dance and have fun and make out with Jeremy.

They had tried to dance, but Jake’s legs kept giving out from under him and his arms were tired from holding himself up.

They had tried to have fun, they went into the photo booth and watched Mr. Reyes perform some magic tricks and talked to a bunch of people, but Jake just wasn’t feeling it at all.

They hadn’t even tried to make out yet. Sure, Jeremy’s hands were all over him, but Jake knew that was to make sure he didn’t fall over.

None of this was right.

Now, he and Jeremy were sitting at a white-clothed table, Jeremy picking at some food on his plate and Jake watching Rich.

Why was he with those other guys? Since when was he friends with them? He recognized Jeremy’s brother and the weird guy he was paying, and he knew the other two were familiar, but he couldn’t really place them.

Rich was smiling and laughing and genuinely looked like he was having a good time. Rich never acted like that when he wasn’t with Jake.

Jake couldn’t help but hyper fixate on Rich’s face. A large red burn ran from his left cheek, down his neck, and disappeared under the collar of the shirt he was wearing.

He felt like an idiot. Rich was his best friend, what the hell was he doing here without him? What the hell was he doing anywhere without him?

Jake stood up suddenly, causing Jeremy to Jake.

“Jake? You okay?” Jeremy asked.

Jake didn’t answer, just stood staring ahead at Rich before coming to his senses and sitting back down.

What would he even say to him?

“Hey, sorry for not doing or saying anything while you were in the hospital for weeks?”

“You were smoking hot even before you caught on fire?”

“I don’t want to be with him, I want to be with you?”

The last one bounced around his head for a long time.

Jake flinched when he felt a gentle hand touch his arm. He looked over at Jeremy.

“You should go talk to him,” Jeremy said with a small smile.

Jake looked between him and Rich. Usually, at times like these, Jake would start talking a mile a minute trying to explain himself.

“I’m sorry.” Was all that came out.

“I think we both need to sort some things out,” Jeremy said with a kind smile.

Jake smiled back at him, “Yeah.”

Jake leaned over and kissed Jeremy’s cheek before grabbing his crutches and standing up. He took a few shaky steps before looking back at Jeremy.

“Thanks. I’ll never forget you.” Jake said.

Jeremy scrunched his eyebrows together, “We’re breaking up, not dying. And we’ll still go to school together.”

“Right,” Jake said with a huge smile and a laugh before making his way over to Rich.

Rich spun around when he collided with someone behind him. He was about ready to cuss them out for hitting a particular patch of sensitive skin on the back of his bicep when he realized who it was.

“Hey, can we talk?” Jake asked, towering over him.

Rich couldn’t even make eye contact with him, he just nodded.

Rich staggered down the hallway. Jake was heavy. Rich tried not to jostle his legs too much, but he was so tall. Rich felt like he was so hunched over, his face was practically parallel with his ribcage, skin sensitive.

“Rich, stop, I can walk,” Jake said, Rich rolled his eyes at him.

“Yeah, barely.” Rich huffed out.

It was a long walk down a hallway from the cafeteria to the nurse’s office. He grunted and readjusted Jake on his back. Rich was really out of shape from having to not move too much with the burns.

Jake moved his arm that was dangling around Rich’s neck and Rich gritted his teeth to not let out a pained breath.

“Seriously man, I wanna talk,” Jake said.

“We’ll talk when you can get around without falling over,” Rich said between gritted teeth, “you almost fell over like seven times just walking away from the dance floor.”

Jake had kept stumbling and staggering every few feet when they walked off together so Rich stood in front of him and told him to hop on. Jake had tried to sidestep him but had slipped and basically fallen onto Rich. He had dropped the crutches and held onto Rich when he started moving and now, they were here, almost to the nurse’s office.

Carrying Jake was like carrying a huge dead body, a dead body wearing a purple suit and two heavy leg casts.

Jake helped Rich open the main office door and the nurse’s door when they got to it.

Once they were in, Rich practically dropped Jake down on the small, plastic bed that sat in the corner.

“How do you even know there’s a wheelchair in here?” Jake asked.

“I’m in here most days to put stuff on my burns. Saw this in here randomly” Rich said, opening the closet and pulling out the infamous wheelchair.

“Here.” Rich brought it over to Jake.

“Thanks,” Jake said with a smile.

Rich braced himself for the pain and grabbed Jake behind the knees and around the back. Rich’s skin burned and itched and pulled but he bit the inside of his mouth to not let Jake know. He lifted him, shuffled over to the wheelchair, and gently set Jake in it.

“So…what did you want to talk about?” Rich asked after kneeling to help Jake’s feet find the footrests.

Jake reached up and rubbed the side of his face.

“I wanted to say…I’m sorry about…lots of stuff. I kinda got all wrapped up in Jeremy and stupid bullshit and it took me coming to the dance with some other guy to make me realize that.”

Rich felt his heart soften.

“It’s cool.” He said.

“No dude! It’s not! I wasn’t myself, we stopped hanging out, I didn’t even come see you in the hospital!”

“It’s cool,” Rich said again.

“Bro! No, it’s not! Stop saying that! You’re my boy and I was such a dick to you, that’s not cool!” Jake grabbed Rich’s hand and pulled him close, “I’m sorry Rich.”

Rich felt his heart flutter at his hand being held.

“I’m sorry too.” Rich said after a deep sigh, “I was annoyed you were hanging out with some rando. You’re, like, my only friend and I guess I got jealous or something.”

“Okay, I’m definitely not your only friend, that’s stupid.”

“No dude, you’re my only friend…and my first friend.”

“What?” Jake asked.

“Until we started talking last year, I wasn’t friends with anyone here.”

“Didn’t you have friends at your other school?”

“What other school?” Rich asked.

Did Jake mean middle school?

“Like before you transferred here?” Jake said, Rich tilted his head confused.

“I’ve been here since freshman year; I didn’t transfer from anywhere.”

“Wait, what? You went here then? How the hell didn’t I know?” Jake said.

Rich felt his face heat up and pulled his hand away. He walked over to a cupboard and pulled out his burn cream. He started rubbing his arms down with his to distract himself from having to look at Jake.

Fucking embarrassing.

“I was here, you probably just didn’t remember me. I was a lot different then. Like, I was just super lame and dressed like a fucking bitch. And I didn’t talk to anyone and I had this god-awful lisp and, you know, thank god you don’t remember me like that.”

It was silent for a moment then Jake rolled up to Rich and held out his hand. Rich sighed and handed the cream over to Jake. Jake lightly started smoothing the ointment over Rich’s collarbone.

Rich closed his eyes and blew air out through his nose.

“I remember you. I thought you were so fucking cool. There was just something about you.”

Rich swallowed hard when Jake’s fingers moved up to the side of his neck.

“I just wanted to be your friend so bad, dude. You were just cool so fucking effortlessly and I just wanted to be around you so I changed so I could have a chance.”

Rich opened his eyes and Jake was looking down at his hands, getting more ointment. He put his hand on the back on Rich’s neck and rubbed in the cream.

Rich’s face heated up as he thought about what to say next. He was telling Jake the truth, might as well be the whole truth.

“And I also sorta had…a crush on you.”

Jake jerked Rich forward with the hand on the back of his neck and brought their lips together.

Rich instantly threw himself backward, almost off the chair.

“What the fuck was that?” He asked, practically sputtering.

Rich couldn’t think. His mind was completely blank. His heartbeat was in his ears.

“Dude,” Jake said with a side smile, “the whole time I was with Jeremy, all I could ever think about was you.”

Rich just sat there with his mouth parted and his eyes bugging out of his head.

“What?”

“I like you too!” Jake said, throwing his arms out towards him for emphasis.

Rich blinked a few times, “What?”

“Rich, I have a crush on you too!” Jake said

Rich sat there, processing for a moment.

“Oh.” He finally came up with.

Before he even realized what he was doing, Rich pretty much leaped on to Jake.

Their mouths collided painfully and they almost tipped backward over in the wheelchair and the burns on Rich’s legs hurt but, fuck, they were kissing.

Rich’s hands scrambling between Jake’s neck, face, and hair, touching everything he could. Jake still had ointment on his hands so he sat there with his arms spread out on either side of him, kissing Rich back.

Jake’s teeth caught Rich’s lips between his teeth and Rich immediately pulled away in pain.

“Careful, dude! My face is burnt!” Rich said, using one hand to shield his sensitive mouth.

Jake’s hands came up and started rubbing the rest of the cream on Rich’s face. Rich’s shoulders relaxed and Jake started kissing him gently.

“Better?” Jake asked after a few minutes.

“Yeah,” Rich said with a sigh.

“Nice,” Jake said, a large smile spreading across his face.

“Soooo…You had a lisp?” Jake said after a moment of silence.

Rich rolled his eyes.

“Yeth!” Rich said, letting his long-forgotten lisp come back.

Jake threw his head back and let out a good-natured laugh.

Rich let himself laugh too.

“Come on, let’s get back to the dance,” Rich said and got off Jake’s lap to push the wheelchair

“Let’s see how fast this baby can go!” Jake said, slapping the side of the wheelchair once they got out into the hallway.

Rich started running and they took off down the hallway, zooming quickly back to the dance. Large smiles plastered on both of their faces.

Jeremy watched Jake hobble over to Rich and the two of them walked for together. Michael was left alone on the edge of the dance floor. Jeremy saw him give Rich a thumbs up then scratch his head and look around. Michael had never been good with crowds or being by himself in crowded places.

Jeremy wasn’t sure what he should do though. He and Michael had been fighting so much, does Michael even want to talk to him? The last time they spoke Michael had said he never wanted to see him again.

Michael looked over at him and his chest tightened. Jeremy looked away to fiddle with his hair and smooth down his suit jacket.

When he looked back, Michael was standing right in front of him. Jeremy jumped a little in surprise.

Michael was scratching the back on his head awkwardly and Jeremy fiddled with his fingers.

They both started talking at the same time

“I-”

“Jer-”

They laughed nervously and Michael gestured for Jeremy to go first.

“I’m sorry, I’ve been such a shitty friend…shitty person. I didn’t even…I didn’t even like Jake. I just wanted to be popular. You’re my best friend and I’m just really, really sorry. And oh my god the party! What was I thinking? I was hanging out with Jake and you could have died! I’m such an idiot.” Jeremy said, not able to meet Michael’s eyes.

“It’s cool, dude,” Michael said and Jeremy chanced a glance up at him. He was smiling so Jeremy let out the breath he was holding.

Michael clicked his tongue, “Come one let’s go sit down, my feet hurt from dancing.”

Jeremy followed Michael over to one of the tables and sat down next to him.

“Won’t Jared miss you?” Jeremy asked, trying not to sound jealous or annoyed or hopeful.

“Jared? I was dancing with Rich,” Michael said confusion coloring his face.

“Yeah, but…you came here with Jared, right?” Jeremy said.

“No dude, Rich’s my date…well was.” Michael said with a laugh.

“But I thought you liked Jared,” Jeremy said.

Michael looked at him with an incredulous look on his face, “What?”

“Don’t you like Jared? You guys are hanging out all the time and stuff and it seems a lot different than when you and I hang out so I just thought...” Jeremy said

Michael started out chuckling at Jeremy but soon started roaring with laughter. People stared at the pair as they passed by. Jeremy blushed, feeling stupid that he had guessed so wrong about Michael’s interest.

“What? It’s not that outrageous!” Jeremy said, defending his beliefs.

Michael howled with laughter and he wiped away tears from his eyes. Michael pointed over to the direction of the dance floor and Jeremy’s gaze followed its direction. He saw Jared dancing up on a girl from the musical theater department. The girl seemed to like it.

“Jared’s straight?!” Jeremy cried.

Michael laughed had died down enough that he could answer, “Jared’s bi, but he likes that girl, Christine.”

Jeremy raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“Jeremy…I actually have to tell you something…like really important.” Michael said

“Okay,” Jeremy said, feeling nervous all over again, not really knowing what Michael needed to say.

Jeremy scooted closer to him as people started to fill in the table, no longer scared off by Michael’s loud laughter.

“So…when you told me that whole rule about dating thing, Jared and I actually came up with this plan to get someone to date Evan so we told Jake to pay Connor to date Evan so Jake could take you out,” Michael said in all one breath

“Oh,” Jeremy said, nodding.

…Wait, what?

“Wait, what?” Jeremy asked

Michael nervously tugged at his suit cuffs in lieu of his red sweatshirt sleeves.

“Jake paid someone to take Evan out and so we told him to pay Connor cuz he needs money or weed or crack or something and–“

“Why?” Jeremy asked

“Cuz I don’t like Jared, Jeremy…I like you.” Michael said, “Jared was helping me out, that’s why we were hanging out so much, we were trying to figure out this whole stupid plan.”

Oh.

Jeremy felt his face, back, and hands tingle and get sweaty. He could feel like face getting red and itchy from a blush and he swallowed the lump in his throat.

Michael liked him? Mikey M, the coolest guy Jeremy knew, liked him? Best friend from preschool liked him? A loser like him? An asshole like him?

Jeremy swallowed again and reached out a shaky hand, Michael watching him like a hawk the whole time. He slowly set it down on Michael’s own. Michael moved his hand and for half a second, Jeremy was afraid he was going to pull his hand away. But Michael turned his hand over and laced their fingers together.

Jeremy put on a self-conscious smile, cheeks sore from the blush continuing to grow on his face.

“You set up a whole plot, just to date me?” Jeremy asked

“Well, yeah,” Michael said

“And even though I was a complete tool…you still might like me?” Jeremy asked, trying not to sound vulnerable.

“Yeah,” Michael said

Jeremy felt pinpricks go up his arms and neck.

“I like you too.” Came tumbling out of Jeremy’s mouth.

“Really?” Michael said, giving Jeremy a look filled with so much hope and fear.

Jeremy watched tears start to pool in Michael’s eyes and he nodded. Michael let go of Jeremy’s hand and pulled him into a tight hug. Jeremy hugged him back and felt Michael practically vibrating.

“Jeremy, do you want to go out with me?” Michael asked, voice thick.

“Yeah,” Jeremy said, squeezing Michael tighter.

They broke apart after a few more minutes and snuggled together on the bench. One of Michael’s arms was around Jeremy’s shoulders and Jeremy held his other hand in between his own sweaty ones. Michael didn’t seem to care though.

“I can’t believe you did all that just to date my lame ass.” Jeremy laughed and rested his temple on Michael’s cheek.

“I’d do anything to date your lame ass,” Michael said and squeezed Jeremy’s shoulder.

Jeremy hummed and leaned up to place a quick peck right next to Michael’s mouth.

Evan and Connor had lost their group, but they didn’t mind. They went back to dancing around like idiots once the music started pumping out pop songs again.

Connor spun Evan around and kept doing little dance moves that reminded Evan of a swing style. How Connor knew any sort of dancing was beyond Evan, but that was the best part about Connor, learning every little part of him.

The song ended and Evan wiped sweat from his brow as Connor ran his hand through his hair.

“Punch?” Evan asked.

Connor nodded and offered Evan his arm. Evan curled his arms around Connor’s bicep and they made their way over to the punch bowl.

They filled their cups then walked over to a wall that was unoccupied to lean against it as they drank. Evan sipped his drink and watched the other people keep dancing.

“Smokey Point,” Connor said just loud enough that Evan could hear him over the music.

“What?” Evan asked as he turned to look up at him.

“That’s where I was last year. I wasn’t in juvie, I don’t know Marilyn Manson, and I didn’t sleep with someone from Fall Out Boy. I…at the beginning of last year…” Connor’s voice trailed off.

Evan squeezed his arm and pulled him down a more closed off hallway, “You can tell me if you want, but you don’t have to.”

Connor nodded and took a few ragged breaths. Evan saw tears shining in his eyes.

“I tried to kill myself.” Connor’s voice broke a little. Evan felt his stomach drop and his throat tighten.

“I spent the year in a psychiatric and behavioral mental hospital in Smokey Point…also some time in rehab. Prescription pills were my way in and out. You know, when I saw your meds on the bathroom floor that day I thought about just taking them and running but…then I saw you and the panic you were in and I recognized it and I had to give them back to you.”

Evan didn’t know what to say.

“That’s why I’ve been so different this year…I’m sedated now by all kinds of medication, and I go to therapy a lot so my anger issues have calmed down. But…you – you just asked me a few times about where I was and I wanted to tell you.”

“Connor.” Evan croaked and pulled him into an iron grip embrace. Connor relaxed into Evan’s touch and wrapped his arms around Evan’s shoulders.

“I tried too,” Evan spoke into Connor’s chest.

“What?” Connor said and let go of Evan. Evan reluctantly copied him.

He brought his hand up and started pulling at the bottom of his suit jacket.

“I tried too. That’s why…I had the cast.” Evan said and pulled at his jacket harder. “I thought falling out of the tallest tree in Ellison Park…that tree we sat under…would do it but I only got a broken arm. I remember laying there, waiting for someone to come find me…anyone to find me…but no one ever came.”

Connor’s face was twisted into pain. He grabbed for Evan’s hand and held it. They were both shaking and weepy.

“If I could have…If I hadn’t been gone, if I had known you…If I had been there…I would have found you if I could have.” Connor whispered

Evan let out a laugh that sounded more like a sob and Connor pressed his back up against the wall and seemed to use his body as a shield from anyone who could possibly walk by. Connor reached up a hand and started brushing away tears on Evan’s face, Evan couldn’t help but close his eyes and lean into the gentle touch.

Evan wasn’t surprised at all when Connor’s lips brushed against his own. He reached up and cupped Connor’s face. Evan felt relief flood his body at telling Connor about how he broke his arm but it felt like torture to know what Connor had gone through.

Being carted off to a hospital and having to be reminded every day of his attempt just by where he was. He probably had to talk about what he was feeling every day and try to find an answer when there was no real answer at all. Suffering through the mood swings and mental pain of the trial and error of medications and wrong dosages. Trying to shove food down his throat when really all he wanted to do was starve himself in his bedroom then keep doing something that was keeping him alive.

Evan knew all those feelings all too well, but at least in the end Connor was here and seemed to be doing fairly well. He couldn’t decide if Connor was the lucky one for getting treatment or Evan was for no one else knowing.

Evan was ripped from his thoughts when Connor’s loving touch suddenly disappeared and didn’t instantly return. His eyes flew open when he heard someone shouting loudly.

Connor was on the sprawled out on the ground and Zoe was standing above him, breathing heavily.

“What the hell is wrong with you, Connor? Money?! For drugs?! AGAIN?!” Zoe roared

“What?” Connor asked, shock melting away and anger blooming on his face.

Evan tried to take a step forward but a hand was placed on his shoulder. He looked over and found Alana, sympathy clear on her face.

“Don’t play innocent! I heard Jeremy talking with that Michael kid!” Zoe continued to bark “You were getting paid to take Evan out? By Jake Dillinger? So you could buy weed or pills or something else?! What the fuck?”

Evan froze. No…That couldn’t be right. Connor would never.

Zoe straightened and spun around to face Evan.

“Evan, I’m so sorry. Jake wanted to date your brother so he paid mine to take you out…somehow it was all Michael and Jared’s idea.” Zoe said with a stony face

“You’re wrong,” Evan said, heart beating hard in his chest

Zoe ran her hand through her nicely curled hair, in such a way that echoed exactly how Connor did it.

“I’m not!” She insisted, “Ask anybody! Ask your brother or Michael or Jared or – or ask Jake even!”

Evan knew his face had a look of horror and disbelief on it. He turned to look at Connor, still on the ground. Connor didn’t look up at him.

“Con –Connor?” Evan asked in a hoarse voice.

Connor didn’t reply, eyes glued to the ground, looking guilty.

Evan’s heart felt like it was going to explode out of his chest.

Zoe started to speak to him again but everything turned into white noise. His head started spinning and he thought he might throw up.

He didn’t believe this. He couldn’t believe this. Connor wasn’t like that.

Evan knocked Alana’s hand off his shoulder and shoved past Zoe, stumbling over to the dance floor.

He whipped his head around, looking for any of the four people Zoe had mentioned. This was all a joke. Zoe was just angry at Connor, Connor would never do this to him. He’d find one of the boys and bring them over to Zoe and then he’d know she was making it all up.

Evan reeled around and spotted Jared walking towards the bathroom. Evan careened over and almost ran into him.

“Jared!” He cried and grabbed him.

“Woah dude, watch the goods,” Jared said and tried to pry Evan’s hands from his suit jacket

“Jared!” Evan tried again

“What?” Jared asked

“Did you and Michael make Jake pay Connor to take me out so he could go out with Jeremy?” He said in one, heaving breath.

“Oh…” Jared said and looked away, looking like he had just been caught red-handed.

Evan’s head started spinning more and he felt the panic attack that was looming over him set in.

Jared started to speak, “Well see –” But Evan pushed away from him and saw Michael across the room. He sprinted as fast as his shaking legs could carry him.

“Michael” He gasped when he reached him

Michael turned to face him with a wide smile

“Evan! Dude Jeremy and I are totally together now! It’s that awesome?... What’s wrong?” Michael asked

Evan gasped for breath even though he had only run maybe 30 feet. He was definitely going to throw up.

“Michael! Jake didn’t pay Connor to take me out, right? That’s a lie, right? Please say it’s a lie. Please.” Evan begged in between sobs.

“Oh…Evan, I’m really sorry…” Michael’s expression changed to one of remorse and shame, “It wasn’t to hurt you or anything, I swear…Just to get around your step-dads rule.”

Evan couldn’t believe it. His speeding heart shattered into a million stabbing pieces. He was heaving now, his panic attack taking over.

He had to get out of there now.

His brain screamed at him to find the nearest exit.

Michael shouting at him as he ran.

He tripped and stumbled and barreled into people but he didn’t stop running. Someone else was calling his name.

He somehow made it to the entrance of the school.

“EVAN WAIT!!!” A voice shouted from behind him.

Evan froze just as he reached the doors. He flung himself around and there was Connor, only a few feet away from him.

“Please!” Connor said in between puffs of air, “Let me explain!”

“You were paid to take me out! This was all a set-up, this was just a joke!” Evan cried, barely able to see Connor through his tears.

“NO! No! It wasn’t like that!” Connor said

“What was it like? A down payment now and a bonus for sleeping with me later?”

“No, I don't care about the money, okay? I care about you, please Evan.” Connor said and took a step towards him.

Evan pressed himself up against the door, terrified of him.

“I trusted– I trusted you.” Evan wept, “But you’re no different than the rest of them. I should have known that you were too wonderful and perfect and understanding to be real. No one like you could ever really want someone like me.”

He pulled his arms tight around himself, like that could somehow protect him now, after all that had happened.

“Evan, please, it’s not like that.” Connor pleaded

“I let you see me…I told you everything!” Evan angrily wiped at the snot and tears dripping down his face, “I told myself I couldn’t let anyone see the mess that I am because they’d hate it...no one could ever really want me if they saw it! I’ve never – ever let anyone see me before...but I thought you were different!”

“Evan,” Connor begged.

Evan was sobbing so hard his sides hurt and he was gasping for breath.

“But you’re not!” Evan lamented through tears “You’re so much worse than all of them! At least- at least they didn’t pretend to be my friend to get close to me then get me to fall in love with them! It was only ever about money for you! I’m so stupid!”

Evan ripped the boutonniere off his chest and threw it at Connor as hard as he could. It barely went two feet before hitting the ground.

“I hope you and Jake and Michael and Jared and my brother all have a good laugh because I never want to see you ever again!” Evan screamed and finally ran out the door, escaping into the night.

#be more chill #dear evan hansen #boyf riends #treebros #richjake #pinkberry #zolana #galaxy gals #deh #bmc #AU fanfiction #fanfic

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