#i know its only been a month but im considering taking a break. my queue is empty but im like. not in the mood to draw atm | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dear-ao3 · 2 years

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attention friends, romans and countrymen alike.

i have a question.

first of all, no, i am not dead and left my blog to run off of queue for the rest of time. i am very much alive, just now at home because the semester ended and i had to make the terrible trek up through the damned state of delaware to my home, which took far longer than it should because a prime truck decided to not deliver things with its promised next day prime shipping (smh jeffery put your back into it). and since i am now at home i am slightly sad because i can no longer see brad whenever i wish, nay, i cant even text him whenever i wish because he is off galavanting in some european country or other having a glorious time leaving me alone by myself with my dog and my squishmallow, which has since been named dino de vito so thanks for whichever one of you sent that one in.

but anyway.

my mother has been trying and failing to convince me to crochet something for brad for the last few months (which is really a feat because she only found out at thanksgiving that we were dating) and i keep declining because 1. crocheting takes a lot of time an effort, 2. it costs money and 3. you should wait awhile before you make someone something because there is every possibility that they will hate you in a few months and burn all of your hard work into ashes along with the polaroid pictures that you took in a five guys.

now brad and i have been dating for like 3.5 months, which isn't very long in the grand scheme of things, but we have lasted officially longer than taylor swift and jake gylanhaal did and considering she gave him a scarf when they had been dating for less time (yes i know they broke up and it was terrible and also the scarf is a metaphor for virginity and all of that and theres only supposed rumors that the scarf existed and she didnt make it it was one of hers anyway but the principle remains the same) i think that i can make brad a scarf.

now is this just to quell the pestering of my mother? perhaps. is this mostly because i miss my absolute himbo of a boyfriend and wont see him until january 27 because we have a stupidly obnoxiously long winter break? potentially. is winter break boredom getting to me? quite possibly. (seriously i have been home for less than 48 hours and have been covid tested 4 times in 4 days) in any case. i have decided that a scarf is in order.

will this cost me money? yes. but. i think that im getting paid one more time and also brad is a stubborn himbo with an unhealthy dose of toxic masculinity that manifests in him feeling the need to buy me literally everything ever (seriously one time he almost rejected the sandwich that i bought him as a thank you because he had spent far too much money on leggings that i didnt exactly need for me even tho it was literally 4.95) i think this would be nice. also we are planning to take a day trip into nyc when we get back to school and 1. it will be freezing and he has no cold tolerance and 2. he will once again insist on buying everything on said trip so the least i can do is make sure that he doesnt freeze.

i have a pattern for said scarf picked out. (and i also bought not one but two crochet hooks from michaels today but i had a coupon so it was fine. even though i haven't bought yarn yet but we will get to that.) it is very nice and i will not show a picture of it because i haven't purchased it yet off of etsy (yes that is right i am buying a pattern. i only every follow youtube tutorials or make something up but well i want it to look nice and this was a very pretty pattern. i must really love this man.)

but now. the question. the one that i said i needed to ask about 700 words ago.

is getting red yarn to make it from bad luck?

i only ask this because the scarf is red in the taylor swift song, all too well, which was referenced above, and she and joke gylanhaal broke up quite catastrophically after he stood her up on her 21st birthday, not that that will be an issue for brad and i as he will literally be in europe during my 21st birthday and would not be here regardless and also he would not have the scarf yet. but my mother thinks that he would look in "a nice cranberry red" or "a greenish blue." she is also outraged that he owns literally no colors and wants me to somehow fix that with this scarf.

these are the yarn colors that i have to choose from:

i personally like the red one more because he has a navy blue wool coat and i think that the red would look better with it and also he would think its funny that im giving him a red scarf because of his recent taylor swift obsession but i do not want to curse us so.

who has thoughts.

#not a tag #from saph #saphs himbo

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gg-astrology · 4 years

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🥺😔☀️💓❤️💓

a rambly all-over-the-place personal note! Incase you just want to hear from me and talk to me!! I know i’ve been gone for a while so if any followers old/new wants to hear what I actually say when Im not answering posts, here it is! 💓❤️💓

the main point so you don’t have to see any of the mess: any asks that talks to me like im google will be deleted!

note: the main part of this isn’t even about the above so if u’re looking for drama or me angsting you may not find it here!! i think i sound more like im fatigued and on my last brain cells.. talking about everything and being v sappy and mellow.. so!!! 💓❤️💓 no drama. not here! not today!

ok now, consider:

what do u guys think about me just taking it easy... i dont know if you’ve been here for a while or for long.. but I usually do pretty detailed research posts?? about topics like moon phase in astrology, basics on essential dignitaries, etc.

Astrology ‘topics’... stuff like ‘what is x chart what does it mean’ or ‘what is x concept how does it work’ -- not about placements usually!!! 💓❤️💓Asks about placements I just answer for fun from my inbox.. but posts I actually make.. those are the type of things!!! 💓❤️💓

And well.. I just came back.. not in the mindset right now.. so i was thinking.. would u be ok/interested if i take a break from those posts and maybe post more idol astrology stuff?? nothing serious, I just want to have fun and talk about placements and gush over people who may have similar placements to us and how good they are + how we can learn from them...

Its just fun stuff?? very light-hearted (dont talk to me about crying through them sometimes, bc theyre so good even when i see harsh aspects/them going through manifestation of that throughout their careers) -- idk!! I just want to maybe talk about girls for a while and like, ask people to love girls and support/appreciate girl groups and asian soloists and artists...

idk!! just a thought.. like.. i’ll still answer astro stuff and maybe i’ll slip astro posts in there as well.. 90% of my blog is still main astro stuff.. just that 10% maybe i’ll do more idol readings.. it lifts my spirits and i like talking about them!! i know its a niche in tumblr, esp the kpop gg astro stuff.. but like... girls...!!! and seventeen members (im nearly done oh my god theres 3 more left!!!)

I know i put a lot of effort into the bangtan readings bc theyre like-- the semi between my usual intense stuff and the light-hearted ones so im-- probably not gonna touch them yet (for now) -- I always have high expectations for them because they have to be a certain Standard. There’s alot of great bangtan astro posts out there -- part of that is also v pressuring. But another part is that I want to contribute to something in the community as well! That is like, new and welcomed and good and Not Bad... so... I’m holding off bc I have to have like, a week to actually write, edit, re-edit, check myself before I (usually) publish them.. so... this is ur warning my bts inner readings wont be coming out soon!!

im just talking about gg stuff -- or other idols, thinking about twice and gfriend and oh my god.... girl groups...

I rmb I used to do it to promote solo artists that might not have gotten alot of attention as well.. I still have drafts about Bolb4.. now consider: younha... also consider: xiao zhan, wang yibo... oh my god... but what if-- idk!!! idk!!!!!!

Anyways I just want to let u know whats been on my mind!!! I honestly dont really know? I posted the bangtan answer today (with a warning beforehand) and AS SOON AS I PUBLISHED 4 people left -- to be honest its pretty funny,,, its kinda funny right?? i think its funny,,, like kpop repellent,, but also i Get it!!! its not for u its ok dont take this social media thing so seriously... its fine i do it all the time too, dont feel guilty over blocking or unfollowing someone - do it as soon as you feel uncomfy tbh its a safe place for u make it ur safe spot!!

But!! Yeah!! 💓❤️💓 Idol things, thoughts? 💓❤️💓

And this is not related but I was looking at old questions/asks in my inbox (some that ive alrdy answered but its still there -- like 6 asks? so thats... 6 out of the current 122 asks oof) and people are So Nice and So Polite to me!!!! amazing!!! fortunate!!!! One lucky bitch!!!!! Thats me!!!! Im the lucky bitch, who?? people are just so courteous towards when they request or asks for something?? wow---

Its only like, half way in the middle of my old asks that I realize once its more mainstream astro ppl start sending asks in like im google search... rip anyone who does that i deleted the ask bc i have a faq.. my only rule is that be nice.. not playing by the rules!!!!!

Its also a little introspective to think about it now.. how back then when I didn’t realize it was happening I carried through and answered them anyways bc like... atleast people were asking?? they’re curious?? right?? keep the public fed! there’s people out there who does enjoy my actual answer than the ask itself...but like... now that i’m back and Refreshen: any asks that talks to me like im google will be deleted. I’ll quote this and put it up before the read more so thats the main meat of this long rant!! 💓❤️💓

basically what im saying about all this is: don’t let people treat you that way, or anyway you don’t feel absolutely positively happy about. I’m still keeping some asks that I do want to answer/I think can be turned into great points. But marie-kondo yourself, you don’t deserve to be treated like someone’s encyclopedia, dictionary or google!!!!!

they don’t really care, and it doesn’t really matter if you answer or not -- bc they can just type in the same thing to other astrologer out there and mayb someone will hit it and answer for them. So!!!! dont compromise, delete anything that doesn’t treat u like human. Bc u’re not a bot!!!! Do better!!! This is from future nita to past nita!!! Do better!!! This is why u burnt out and went awol for like a month!!!!!!!! Dont let this happen again or get into the habit, cry to ur friends!!! Ask ur beta for help!!!!!!! Add some people in as ur admin so they can clearly tell u what is right and whats wrong!!!!! dummie you’re too soft and kind!!!!! stop making excuses for others!!!!!!! do better in 2020!!!!!

So this is my rambling over!!! Answered 42 asks in my queue, know that around 30 of them have already been posted. That’s 72 done today!! Not to mention the 30 yesterday -- I was v dumb and didn’t close the ask box, thus I had +10 asks in my inbox today but its ok!!!!!!! Let the people Speak!!!! I’ll post this PSA now and go I hope u enjoy hearing from me even if I’m just rambling -- love u!! take care of urself!!! i hope this helps or entertain anyone who’s looking to know me better or hear some words from me personally!!!! this is me, signing out!!!

#personal #this is honestly just me rambling #open at ur own risk #its v risky #i use many exclaimation marks #and also im on my last brain cell

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avpdpunpun · 5 years

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i disappeared for 3/4ths a year here’s an update?

its been 4 months since my queue ran out and way longer since i wrote an actual post. 8 months about? i think i last posted when i impulse quit a job that was bad for my mental health and just kept getting worse.

sometimes i wonder when ppl who blog about mental illness disappear if they’ve died. there was a big user i used to follow who did, and i still occasionally think about it sometimes, so i figure its nice to post updates sometimes. and being able to look back on posts ive written and reflect on them/what state of mind i was in can be helpful even if it can be embarrassing/dangerous because its so easy to fall back into those thinking habits

after quitting my job i did basically nothing for 6 months haha. at some point i managed to clean out my room which i had done the bare minimum on for years because of depression, took out more built up trash than i thought was possible to fit into my small space. its disgusting but the only thing i struggle to keep up with now at least is vacuuming and putting clothes away so my space is a lot cleaner and it makes me happier. your living space can really have an effect on your mood bless you marie kondo

after my post about having an anxiety attack taking my test i got my drivers license in march. i saw the same lady again after going somewhere else and i think she just let me pass because she felt bad haha. i never finished drivers ed and i still get anxiety about driving unfamiliar routes but my skills and confidence have improved a lot. i managed to drive 2 hours to a big city to visit a friend! i literally didnt have a choice in getting my license, but its still something i can be proud of. like, when i have to explain it to people, it feels extremely shitty that i didnt get it until i was 20, and only about 5 months ago too but... for someone who struggles as much as me, i have to be proud of it my small accomplishments or i’ll have nothing.

at some point something in my brain just snapped and i literally havent been able to cry? for a long time in those 6 months i felt like i was right on the edge of breaking down mentally but never actually crossing that line and it was honestly one of the weirdest things ive experienced. i almost wanted to have a breakdown again just to get rid of the feeling and reach a catharsis like... i used to be a fucking crybaby almost but i. cant. anymore. but i think ive mostly moved away from this point... still feel kinda weird tho.

i didnt end up signing up to a local school fo gen eds. its still on my mind for the vague future because there’s topics i want to learn about (psychology, natural resources, languages...) and maybe try to pursue for a career but really i just wanted a way to get out of my toxic house, even if it meant going into debt to live in a shitty dorm.

in the last 30 days though life has been moving extremely quickly for me. i dont think i couldve lived with myself much longer being a useless adult basically living in my basement bedroom of my parents house, especially with my younger siblings getting nearer to adult milestones, plus my savings were starting to run out.

so literally next weekend, i’m moving out! and i make enough money right now that with the rough budget i have established, if its accurate, i’ll have a decent amount of wiggle room and hopefully wont be ruining my mental health just trying to make ends meet.

it took a long time of searching but i managed to find a job that hasnt made me suicidal and has slightly more than the MIT living wage for my area lol. im a janitor now! we’ll see how long it lasts but a lot of the factors from my last two jobs that contributed to my failing mental health are gone. i rarely have to interact with other people, and if i do its my coworkers, of who i tend to only see for minutes per day, or the other people working in the building i clean who at most i have to say hi and have a nice night to lol. i get to listen to music and podcasts for 8 hours and its very routine heavy. i have to clock out after the 8 hours is up so i literally cant be forced into overtime. a lot of people dont respect cleaning jobs like this but honestly who gives a fuck, its something i can handle mentally and support myself with. its still hard adjusting to 40 hours. i know its the standard, but the standard is rly tough for me, but i think i can do it long term.

all of this has been achieved through sheer self hatred and impulse alone, and im very nervous about moving in with 3 other people even if 1 of them ive known for 8 years, and i dont think its even properly hit me yet. literally cant register that i have to fend 100% for myself but also ill be away from my toxic family! i can bring my cat with me, who before this i got to see at MOST once a week!

a dude ive known online for two or more years is moving to my area too for college and he’s so sweet and kind, i feel better talking to him than i have 99% of people in my life and im so lucky to know him. ive been forced to talk about personal things i was kind of dreading (not his fault, just a result of our relationship going to go from online -> irl and things id have to address beforehand) and honestly i didnt even mind it that much when i just got it over with and talked about it to him! vulnerability is literally the thing i struggle with the most in interpersonal relationships and is a huge block for me in every way and in even the most mundane life situations but like... he’s honestly the best and im getting emotional writing this and its weird af because i straight up dont GET emotional about other people. ive absolutely developed a stupid fucking crush on him recently and i THINK hes been receptive to flirting and i cant tell if he flirts back because we already say i love you and are wholesome af but honestly no clue if he’s into (trans) dudes but honestly? even if it doesnt work out im so happy to be friends with him and im so excited to finally meet him!! i really think knowing him has helped me improve myself

i’ve always thought that if i could literally just achieve the bare minimum in life that things would naturally get better. like i’m still mentally ill and get paranoid about peoples intentions and i think if my boss yelled at me id have an anxiety attack on the spot. im still depressed and hate that i have low energy and that it’s still rly hard doing basic chores.

but like a huge part of my problem was that i felt like i literally couldn’t TRY to connect with people if i couldn’t face having to tell them bare info about myself, like “oh i cant drive” or “i dont have a job” or that i was living with my parents but not even making PROGRESS on getting out. like how could i make friends or go on dates if i literally couldnt contribute shit or admit these things i was so ashamed of? a lot of my self image was shaped by this because my entire life i havent been mentally well enough to do as well as i should have.

but like. i feel like im finally doing these basic things!! i dont have to hate myself so much anymore! i dont look badly on other mentally ill ppl who are less lucky than i/havent been able to do those things yet/might not ever and are still in the same situation i was 2 months ago but the self hatred is strong pls understand.

i dont know yet if i could afford twice yearly drs visits for meds or anything and probably not therapy. i dont even know what my insurance is yet haha. but i’ll see

i need to figure out at what point in my life im going to be able to never contact a single person in my family ever again, considering i’ll be a 20 min drive away and they will know the precise location of where i live, and if i’ll ever feel safe enough in society to start hrt but :^) you know :^) i can at least present more masculinely in the meantime!

i dont rly know how to conclude this... i’m not trying to brag either im just very nervous and excited about where my life might be going for the first time ever? maybe? in my entire life? i have no clue what to pursue after moving out, but i can figure it out. and just... that there’s hope even if youre as fucked up and mentally ill as i am lmao!

#text #update #mostly tagging this for myself to read later if i ever start blogging frequently again

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shiny-craboo-blog · 7 years

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@rockformed replied to your post : i keep goin away for a long time but theres a good...

what asshole?? 👀👀👀👀👀

WHOOO lemme tell you this is a long one (sorry about any spelling errors i was tryna get this done quickly)

it was actually that guy that we played overwatch with together once.

ive known him since about december, but he was saying lots of homophobic and racist shit, so i was like eh might as well try to make him a better person, but to do that, you gotta get close, and i started liking him (literally @ past me why?????)

so i flirt a little here, giggle a little there, and he falls in love with me. i liked him too, but he liked me to a point where it was obsessive. he was telling me i saved his life and that out of everyone on earth im his favorite. i come out to him as trans one day, and after a lot of thinking, he was like “okay yeah im okay with this” and i was happy

however, like i said, he was really obsessive. he wouldnt let me play games with anyone else unless he was there, and when i tried to watch a show with one of our mutual friends, he gets all upset about it.

eventally, even though he liked me, he started being a real ass. i told him that i didnt really like him anymore and that i wanted to stay friends, and he turned it into this huge fight and ended it with “Forget it... Good night.” - and he used that phrase every (and “goodbye”) every time he wanted a conversation to sound final or like he was going to die if i didnt give him all my attention right then and there.

the fighting continued for a few months, during which he called me a sociopath, narcissistic, not worthy off being called a human being, and all that typa stuff. he started feeling suicidal - even though he felt that way before i met him, he started feeling it stronger because he didnt have me constantly fawning over him to ease it out - and he straight up told me that he blamed me for his feelings.

the fights got reaaalllll bad, and eventually he had a set day and time, and every time i said i was going to call his mom about it, he got really defensive and acted like i was attacking him, saying “dont test me” and shit

he became really emotionally manipulative and just flat out malicious tbh

the day came around and i blocked him because i didnt want to hear about it, and he started yet another fight. he didnt do anything though because half an hour later he came crawling back saying that he needed someone to talk to and that he had this whole change of heart and that he realized what his friends were worth and how he acted really shitty and that he was sorry

but he didnt change his behavior at all lmao

he kept arguing with me, so i started just. not joining as much and not talking to him as often and he got really pissy, asking me if i was talking to other people and accusing me of talking with this guy who he hates (the guy he hates left to make another server with all the people this guy was an asshole to so they could have a place where he wasnt there being a dick and the guy im telling you about acts like the victim whenever he talks about it like?? literally if u were a better friend they wouldnt have felt the need to?) (and i totally was talking to the guy bc the enemy of your enemy is your friend and all that) but he was a real ass about it.

and saturday!! this saturday!!! he was an ass the moment i joined the call so i left and he got mad saying like “you know how i get upset when you leave the call” and i was like “i just??? dont wanna be there if ur gonna be mean to me the moment i join??” and he said

THIS BITCH

said

“its a guy thing to be mean to your friends. but i guess you wouldn’t know about that ;)”

so i blocked him. he texts me saying that hes been mean because his dads been on his back about college, and i said it wasnt an excuse. a few minutes later, someone from the server messages me sayin that nick said if i dont unblock him hes gonna ban me. so i unblocked him and asked for a reason why i should stay. this bitch. this ass. says “because i thought we were friends” LIKE BIIIIIIITCH PLEAAAAAAASE YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WE AINT

anyway we fought for 3 hours and rather than giving me any good reasons to stay he called me stupid and said i misinterpreted the message like?? how else am i supposed to interpret it????????

so im staying, making him fall in love with me again, then leaving.

bonus: i made a list of the highlights of some of the shit things hes said to me

"Forget it... good night." "i used to trust everyone then the thing happened with my cousin so i stopped sharing myself or exposing myself. then i did over the years with kii then she backstabbed me. then ness and it happened again. i didnt trust anyone and still wasnt ok with sharing myself. then u stepped in and made me feel happy and wanted and like i could trust people. then you said you loved me like you did. i opened up and pursued and got lead on for 15 hours a day for a month up until i got enough courage to try to stand and speak open heartedly and with courage and the next day you lose all interest." "you know what? you obviously dont like me anymore. im over it you win. im done chasing. the goalposts always change. its over." "i cant stop chasing you. you are literally my favorite person on earth." "im doing this once a day from now on. wanna go out" "1 reason i got on ow. *1 reason i got on ow off my psych. guess it doesnt matter to you." “For the record the reason im mad all the time is because im fucking pissed at you but cant take it out for some reason.” “reason im so shit ight now is caught i thought i was at rock bottom and you took me up the mountain just to fling me off. forget it. good night." "youre still online. just gonna pretend im not here?" "hope this doesnt wake you up but sorry for being a cunt." "i still want to die haha. life sucks" "im sorry." me: you purposely did something to make me mad and then get upset when i get mad "im hald zoned in rn im getting killed by bad vibes but im not gonna make you mad ever again." "why did you fool me. i fight with you a lot now and its because of what you did to me and how ive lost my sense of self and all emotions because of you. but then i remember this is just how i usually am and being happy is what people are supposed to be like and im not so this is normal and only my fault so. i forgot where i was going with this but take care friend." "if it was the concept thing then why do i still love you." "i get upset because i have to actively avoid falling for you." "im only angry and mean to you because i dont understand my emotions." "im gonna kill myself saturday at 7:32 pm" (<<<this was two weeks ago hes fine now) "im not gonna do it i just want attention" "to keep it 100 i just said that so you wouldnt call anyone." "dont test me" "eat shit" "if youre trying to make me unfriend you its working" "actual human beings dont pull that bullshit. they suck it up and stick to their word or break the news to the other and dont drag them along." me: every humans a human regardless of whether or not they feel "theyre a human. not an actual human. theyre a human but not worthy of being called one." "in 3 months you managed to fuck with my emotions and make me want to kill myself more than kii did in 3 years." "i think this is the last conversation were gonna have. if you got anything important to say speak now or forever hold your peace. alright youre in overwatch and missed your chance." "have fun with your game hope its worth losing me over."

me: im going to call your mom and tell her right now "and say what? 'im a bad friend and now nick wont talk to me?'"

me: no. 'nicks planning on killing himself.' "and ill just say its someone im amd at trying to get revenge on me" "im not convinced that its not a whole thing made specifically to drive me to suicide." "in queue rather than fixing problems. typical. goodbye, asshole." "what if by trying to stop the outcome u saw you just pushed me away from one of the only people i trusted and now im on a path that ends in my inevitable self destruction." "no thats the depression but i am saying u took away what made me happy." "forget it, ill catch you later. apparently no goodbyes either lol." "bye oats." "the only thing you will ever love besides yourself is overwatch. bye." "are you there i just got back and i really need someone." "beause youre the middle man i guess and it was a test of allegiance i think in my mind." "idk i just feel like not many people actually like me deep down and its a shit thing of me to put that on others." "hows ness doing" "because im done walking on eggshells for you, snowflake. "its a guy thing to be a dick to your friends. guess u wouldnt understand ;)" "sorry for being a jerk. dad has been riding me all week and im mad all the time." "maybe you would get it if your dad ever punched you or woke you up by throwing shit at you." (i know for a fact his dad doesnt do this. there was a whole week where we were in a call 24/7 to see how long we could get one to last and his dad brings him dinner and plays xbox in the same room sometimes. i get that from an outside perspective this may seem mean to overlook, but if you knew this guy, you wouldnt put it past him to lie about shit like this just for attention.) "youre being such a baby over this. its not a big deal, its an argument." "considering you didnt write it id consider it awful stupid of you to think you can interpret it better than the author." "you dont know me"

#babbbles #just like #fuck that guy?#legit thinkin about ruinin his entire life. telling future employers hes racist and stuff.

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dustiesmasseffect · 7 years

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You used to be realy active and nice and freindly, and now it seems like you only reblog art and talk to your blogger freinds who you write MEL with. You ignor asks and you ignor fandom memes. What happened to suporting smaller bloggers? What hapened to you? Its like you got populer and just forgot about your old friends.

Hi Anon-

TBH, this message took me by surprise.

Let me try and unpack your Ask a bit because I feel likeperhaps I hurt feelings or did something wrong unintentionally. I also could gointo all the things happening in my life on the other side of this screen, butyou don’t need a bio (and I don’t think I should have to write one either).

First of all, I will say that I did actually make a postback in October about stepping back from the blog. This was a purposefuldecision of mine because I was spending a lot of my days in front of mycomputer during work, after work, andon the weekends scheduling and tagging posts. I was putting up 4 posts an hourfor 24 hours at the time, meaning I was tagging and scheduling nearly 100posts/day. I did this for several MONTHS. My social life took a dive, mysleeping schedule took a dive, and I wasn’t doing anything but running theblog. I call(ed) DME my “second job” when I talked about it with myfriends. That’s how much time I was spending on it.

Until about 2-3 weeks ago, I had cut the schedule back to 2posts/hour with a small queue running for a few hours during the middle of thenight. That’s still a lot of work for me, but it allowed me some personalpursuits off of the computer which is what I need to recharge.

With the new Andromeda trailers dropping more frequently andfandom content going into overdrive, I’ve had to up my posting schedule againto even try and keep up. Even when I’m “on top” of things I find I’mstill behind and I’m not catching up.

This breaks my heart because I feel like I’m letting peopledown. I am only one person though, so it’s important that it’s understood thatI’m doing the best that I can.

As for only reblogging art, I am sad to say that this istrue and I feel HUGELY guilty about it. The main reason why this happens isthat I want to read every piece of fiction I post and reading a story takes alot longer than looking at a work of fan art. I honestly have about 200 storiesfrom the fandom in my drafts that I want to read before I post. It’s horribleand rude and terrible of me. I can’t read it all like I want, I haven’t readANYTHING for fun in months, actually, because I’m too tired to when I finallyget to bed. It’s an excuse, yes, but it’s the truth.

I try to talk to everyone that messages me. Sometimes I’mable to reply right away and other times it can take me a week or two (ormore!) to answer. I’ve never been the best at conversations, even though I ambetter at written ones than verbal ones. (I am also terrible with replies because they take me forever to do.)

As for only talking to @omegastation and other MEL folks,that’s blatantly untrue and I’m not really sure where that assumption camefrom. I am sorry if it appears that way, but it’s definitely not the case. Yes,we talk, but those discussions of late are incredibly short and MEL business related andless of fun, “Hey what’s up and how are you doing?” convos.

In regards to Asks and memes, I actually try to answer asmany asks as I can and I often answer privately because that’s what’s warrantedby the message I’m sent. As for other Asks, I put a lot of time and thoughtinto them and they can take me quite a while to answer. However, because ofyour message, I’ve tried to go through as many of them as I can because it wasa task I had been neglecting. There are a couple of them that I will take sometime to answer still, but for the most part, I hope I’ve caught up.

Memes are also something that take me awhile to do. HonestlyI love(d) doing them for quite a while, but I became overburdened with themquickly. I also stopped getting emails from Tumblr over a year ago, so I onlysee posts I’m tagged in if I happen to see the tag in my notifications.Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. Getting tagged in something is an honor andI am really happy that people think of me when they do them.

It’s incrediblydifficult for me to do memes though because I want to do them right and notfast. I also get stressed and anxious about tagging other bloggers and doingchain messages because I always feel like I’m leaving people out and I don’twant others to have hurt feelings by not getting a message/tag. It’s a funpractice, but it can also cause hurt unintentionally. I kinda unofficiallystopped doing them for this reason. I want to tag EVERYONE, but I can’t, so Ijust don’t do them.

I support everyone and try to do so fairly. I’ve spent mostof my time in the tag now for the better part of a month, reblogging as much asI can. I know I’m missing posts but that’s basically because there is SO MUCHNEW CONTENT I cannot keep up. I try to reblog and showcase as many differentpeople and blogs as I can, but with the sheer amount of stuff going aroundright now, I am bound to miss some. I have considered opening my submissions tohelp with this, but in all honesty I prefer to reblog.

I haven’t forgotten about anyone. In reality this franchisehas a huge fan base and our “little” community that existed sixmonths ago has grown again as people have started coming back to Mass Effect asAndromeda approaches. Mass Effect 3 sold over 3.5 million copies on its own in itsFIRST MONTH OF RELEASE, which means that there are a TON of fans out there.Some of the fans weren’t as vocal until the Andromeda hype machines startedfull blast, but they’re back and excited now, and I’m happy that everyone ishere.

The thing is that now the community feels bigger and lesscohesive than it did last year. It’s not really, but it FEELS that way andthere’s so much content being produced daily that folks like me, who want toget as much Mass Effect in one spot, are having a hard time collating andorganizing it all. I physically can’t keep up, even if I spend all my wakinghours doing it.

Yes, I realize that perhaps my break seemed like I wasturning my back on the community and that’s definitely not the case. I had to step back for me and my mentalhealth. I miss the community and the friends I have here for sure. I misswriting! I miss talking to people about their Sheps. I miss lots of aspects ofTumblr that I was more active in 6 months ago. But I could not and cannot keepup with it all without it being detrimental to my life outside of the computerscreen.

I’m trying. I really am. I am sorry if I somehow missed apost of yours and didn’t reblog it. I’m sorry if there are mutuals who feelthat I’ve not boosted them enough. I’m sorry if I’ve left IM messagesunanswered. To be honest, I hardly feel “popular” and I kind of feelthe most hurt about that remark more than anything.

My goal has always been to make this blog a nice place forpeople to appreciate a game franchise they love and I hope I’m still doingthat, even if I’ve been unable to be directly in the thick of things for awhile now.

This is already much longer than I intended (or than itshould be) but clearly this is a topic that should be addressed.

I can only apologize for my extended “satellite” absence and ask for theunderstanding as to why I needed to and continue to do it.

Sincerely,Marina, AKA Dustie

#AskAnswered #Anon #TextPost #LongPost #PersonalPost #LONG LONG LONG POST

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courtinggrievances · 7 years

Text

Today at 1:35 AM

ardentlychevied skirts and dresses help tho togas if ur feline furrisky just as a hi

courtinggrievances SHIT, YOU NEARLY GAVE ME A GODAMN PUSHER ATTACK. WHO THE FUCKTRUCK ARE YOU.

ardentlychevied whoops ;33 you can call me atten! and i just thought id say hi with some fun info!

courtinggrievances ATTEN.

courtinggrievances HOW IS THAT PRONOUNCED? LIKE THE BEGINNING OF ATTENTION, OF WHICH MINE YOU HAVE GRABBED SO WHOLEHEARTEDLY?

ardentlychevied yup!!!! normally its only spelled with one t but im extra af

courtinggrievances THAT'S FINE. MY T KEY IS FUCKY ANYWAY AND LIKES TO DOUBLE T'S. SOOOOO..... IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANTED, OR....

ardentlychevied so no purroblem!

courtinggrievances DON'T THINK I DON'T NOTICE THE CAT PUNS. YOU'RE A LEIJON, AREN'T YOU.

ardentlychevied ;33c

courtinggrievances WHAT GENERATION?

ardentlychevied well i mean were not the only ones who mews them but yeah

ardentlychevied ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i dont exactly have access to general records and tbh i couldnt be bothered to care??? theyre purrobably dead anyway so?

courtinggrievances NO, YOU'RE NOT, BUT THE GENERAL AIR OF HOW YOU ACT ISN'T LIKE A CASUAL STROLL DOWN INTO THE CATNIP PARLOR. IT'S LIKE NEPETA HERSELF DRAGGED ME TO THE FOREFRONT OF A PARADE DEDICATED ENTIRELY TO CATNIP AND ALL THINGS FELIDAE.

ardentlychevied well theres pawlways fun to be had a purrades right? so in that case! youre welcome ;33

courtinggrievances NO. PARADES ARE TERRIBLE. ANYWAY; ARE YOU THE OLDER ONE, WHO TRAVELED TO SEE ME FROM THE KIDDIE STORIES OF OLD? OR THE ONE YOU NEVER SEE AROUND? OR ARE YOU THE YOUNGER ONE INFATUATED WITH THE BULLSHIT DRIVEL ONE CALLS """SHIPPING""".

ardentlychevied wow furst of all we dont talk about those days they nefur happened okay secondly i have no idea! thirdly does it really matter????

courtinggrievances CONSIDERING THAT YOU MESSAGED ME OUT OF NOWHERE URGING ME TO WEAR A *TOGA*, YES? IT MATTERS TO ME. A LOT. BUT WHATEVER. I DIGRESS.

ardentlychevied but im not furshly pupated if thats the issue????

courtinggrievances AS LONG AS YOU'RE NOT OUT TO CAUSE BODILY OR EMOTIONAL HARM, I *GUESS* YOU'RE ALRIGHT.

ardentlychevied mmmm thats fair

ardentlychevied gasp!!!! how kind of u im so glad i passed ur rigorous scr33ning purrocess but eh i think i followed u like a month ago and then purromptly fucked off halfway into a blackhole where my net completely died

courtinggrievances YOU HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED. YOU'RE STILL SITTING IN THE QUEUE. TAKE A NUMBER. IS IT BELOW FIFTY? IT'S THE WRONG NUMBER. TAKE ANOTHER ONE.

ardentlychevied so i decided why wait to say hi since theyre pawlready posts?

courtinggrievances THAT EXPLAINS WHY I DON'T REMEMBER SEEING YOU FOLLOW ME IN RECENT DAYS.

ardentlychevied wait is this the line line or the line to get into the line??? ye kinda had some technical difficulties its b33n handled tho so no purroblems

courtinggrievances THIS IS THE LINE TO GET INTO THE GODAMN BUILDING OF MY PATIENCE. YOUR NUMBER IS THE NUMBER WHERE YOU'LL MEET UP WITH MY RECEPTIONIST. SHE'LL SCHEDULE YOU DOWN FOR SOME TIME NEXT WEEK, WHERE YOU'LL RECIEVE THE NUMBER TO GET INTO THE LINE WAITING FOR THE LINE.

courtinggrievances FROM THERE YOU'LL WAIT, AND WAIT, ADRIFT IN THE SEA OF PATIENCE, UNTIL I CALL YOUR NUMBER AND YOU BETTER PRAY THAT IT'S THE RIGHT ONE, BECAUSE IF THE SEVEN DIGIT NUMBER IS EVEN ONE DIGIT OFF, YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE WHOLE DAMN THING AGAIN.

ardentlychevied uuuuuugh that so gross and bureaucratic

courtinggrievances TIME IS A RESOURCE.

ardentlychevied cant i just like pick the lock to your window while youre gloating ofur the hoard of confusing lines uve made these other poor poor trolls wait in???

courtinggrievances ONE I CAN'T AFFORD TO LOSE. WHILE YOU'RE WAITING, I HAVE A WHOLE SLEW OF SHIT *I* NEED TO WORK ON. I'LL BE SO PRODUCTIVE IT'LL MAKE YOUR HEAD SPIN WATCHING ME THROUGH THE GLASS. AND NO!! YOU CAN'T JUST **PICK THE LOCK**. YOU HAVE TO WAIT LIKE EFURYONE ELSE.

ardentlychevied boo! why not! !!!!! ill wait in one line and no more!

courtinggrievances FINE. ONE LINE. BUT MY DOOR ONLY OPENS ONCE A CYCLE. AND THAT'S WHEN I HAVE TO TAKE A COFFEE BREAK AND DELVE INTO THE HATCH FOR THE FOOD INTAKE OF THE DAY. SO YOU'RE GOING TO BE WAITING A LONG-ASS TIME FOR THAT DOOR TO OPEN.

ardentlychevied can we bump me up to the furont of the line if i bring food so u dont even have to leave????

courtinggrievances THAT DEPENDS ON THE QUALITY OF THIS FOOD AND IF YOU BROUGHT THE LATEST EDITION OF FLUFFPUFFANDSTUFF MAGAZINE. DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT GETTING WITHIN FIVE FEET OF THE DOOR IF THE FOODS COLD.

ardentlychevied excuse??? do i s33m like that kind of amateur?????? rude af itll be both top notch and home made and!!!!!

courtinggrievances AND?

ardentlychevied ill even bring u pawll these coff33 beans that i nefur use but pawlways have

courtinggrievances THE ONES COVERED IN CHOCOLATE?

ardentlychevied yes wait do you like dark chocolate?

courtinggrievances I LIKE BOTH KINDS. BUT LISTEN.

ardentlychevied :??

courtinggrievances IF YOU BRING UP THE ONES WITH MACADAMIA NUTS MIXED IN, I'LL GET YOU A VIP PASS TO MY OFFICE.

ardentlychevied done

courtinggrievances BUT YOU HAVE TO GET ME COFFEE WHENEVER I NEED IT.

ardentlychevied gosh should i wear a cute secretaries outfit too?????? ill get u coff33 but only if you can get rid of the bounty on my head :33

courtinggrievances NO, THAT'S BORDERING ON GROSS. HAH! THE JOKES ON YOU. I HAVE A BOUNTY ON **MY** HEAD TOO!!

ardentlychevied gasp!!!!!! who would have guessed!!!!

ardentlychevied so it looks like you wont be getting the leijon purremium coff33 survice but ill still bring you the coff33 beans i have fur grinding anyway fur funsies

courtinggrievances FINE, ALRIGHT. ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT. WE'RE DONE WITH THIS. THIS IS DONE NOW.

ardentlychevied im so purrod u did it u passed my test of not being painfurlly boring congrats!!!

courtinggrievances WHY WOULD I BE PAINFULLY BORING.

ardentlychevied so whats up on your end of the net???

courtinggrievances I'M KARKAT "EXCITEMENT" VANTAS, OBVIOUSLY.

ardentlychevied clearly!

courtinggrievances MY END OF THE NET IS FILLED WITH SOLLUX WANTING TO GET COMPLETELY NAKED AND LOUNGE AROUND IN NOTHING, THINKING THIS IS A GOOD IDEA. KANAYA DECIDED TO JOIN US TODAY ON THIS HELLSITE. I NEED TO EAT SOMETHING YET. WE'RE MOVING ON WITH MOVING IN A FEW HOURS, WHEN DAYBREAK COMES. THAT'S ABOUT IT.

ardentlychevied eating is important you should do that

ardentlychevied im biased on the naked and fur33 bit so maybe dont swing that my way beclaws my answer will pawlways be 'be as naked as pawsible' and why the move???

courtinggrievances YEAH? NO SHIT. TO THE EATING THING.

ardentlychevied or are u the shifty type like me????

courtinggrievances THERE ARE THINGS JUST A *TAD* BIT MORE IMPORTANT. LIKE MAKING SURE WE'RE NOT BEING AMBUSHED BY THE EMPIRE. AND THAT SHOULD ANSWER YOUR QUESTION, WOW, LOOK AT THAT!!

ardentlychevied fair gosh youre so good at this!!!! im so supurr impurressed!!!!!

courtinggrievances DON' PATRONIZE ME. DON'T.*]]

ardentlychevied u planetside or nah?

courtinggrievances THAT'S NOT YOUR BUSINESS.

ardentlychevied i mean i dont know what else you expect with that hardcore sarcasm but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and thats fair how abt something slightly less incriminating/dangerous you caught up on anything new??? like shows or books or smth?

courtinggrievances NO. WE'VE BEEN GONE FOR A PERIGEE NOW. NOT A LOT OF TIME TO "CATCH UP" ON POPULAR NEWS BAIT

ardentlychevied mmm i know that f33l

courtinggrievances GO BOTHER SOLLUX FOR A WHILE. I'M GOING TO TRY TO GET SOME SLEEP IN BEFORE DAYBREAK.

ardentlychevied nah i dont think i will but have a nice rest! goodlight karkat!

courtinggrievances WHY NOT. HE'S A PERFECTLY BOTHER-WORTHY INDIVIDUAL.

ardentlychevied true!!!

courtinggrievances AND WE'RE A PACKAGE DEAL. IF YOU DON'T LIKE HIM, YOU DON'T LIKE ME. SO THAT'S MORE INCENTIVE FOR YOU TO BOTHER HIM.

ardentlychevied i nefur said i dont like him!

courtinggrievances I HIGHLY RECOMMEND JUST SENDING HIM "BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER!!" OR SOMETHING TO THAT EXTENT.

ardentlychevied im just not good at doing what im told ;33

courtinggrievances THAT MUST BE TERRIBLE FOR YOU. GOODLIGHT, ATTEN.

ardentlychevied rest well!

#chatlogs #posted with permission from the mun!#i want to log all of them on tumblr since i know at some point this hellsite is going to fuck up the messaging #and we'll lose everything #read ooc

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