#i know it's about their COVID protocols but i think its so fucking funny

[boneopera]

"Have fun. Be safe."

#death tw #major tw #gore tw #reality #i know it's about their COVID protocols but i think its so fucking funny #carnival cruise line #this cruise line is serving a bloodthirsty god or something #how did i survive it? #i must have gotten final destination'd or something #shit post

[1ddotdhq]

😷 Sat 14 Nov ‘20 🎨

Well heellllooo, Louis! Is your instagram timeline blowing up? Mine sure is! After yesterday’s surprise Vogue announcements we got all sorts of Instagram action: BTS shots of Harry and Gemma, Anne (Twist) liking fan edits of the shoot, Lottie liking Gemma’s picture (not Harry’s though!) and a bunch of Louis’s band members liking Harry’s pictures. Louis, of course, acted like nothing was happening - he did not see it, nope nope, except! Oh yeah! He popped up today and posted an old picture of him onstage in Mexico City last year (taken by Charlie Lightening, who then posted the uncropped version of the same pic) and said, “it’s going to be special when we’re back to it”. And you know what? I really, really think it is: he’s given every indication (including this one!) that he plans for his tour to be a turning point, and there is some hope now that it may happen sooner rather than later. See you there, Louis! As for Vogue, they released a podcast version of Harry's interview but it's not recordings of Harry- it's the writer reading their piece out loud. And popular discussion of the piece brought us ice cold takes such as 'not everyone can risk playing with gender in public so no one should' and also 'other people have done this before Harry so therefore how dare he'. Okay!! As for acknowledging /crediting those people though-- well. This was an interview with a writer who made a real effort to make him look Very Straight even while being forced to relate that what Harry was actually doing was quoting Wilde, singing Abba songs about wanting a man, speaking with a campy affectation and, yes, participating in a groundbreaking (in its reach) gender bending photoshoot; is it really surprising that it doesn't include a section of him naming his queer influences? Harry proceeds as he has done for many many years now, since the bears and before- he says one thing with his words, then talks about queer history through visuals, such as his clothing. So saying that he needs to take certain steps before he's allowed to do certain things... well it's just not the way he communicates? That said, he has been name dropping influences more and more in recent years, and I too hope that list will grow to include some WOC, and the arc of Harry history inclines towards more gayness on main with every passing day, so while he can't and shouldn't be rushed I think it's safe to say we have more explicit acknowledgement to look forward to, though Harry will always be himself and he does not tend to explain himself with words. Anyway uh, also Liam is also making rounds on Insta today - he posted a watercolor wall with a red Vespa, which was lovely and would fit very well in any watercolor landscape exhibit. Maybe we will see his art in one at sometime in the future!

Niall is...sigh. Okay. Niall is in LA, seemingly working on music, appearing on songwriter Ryan Tedder’s instagram story in his LA studio with other writers Jkash and Blake Slatkin. NH3! Is Happening!! Right now!!! And Niall has said all year how much he wanted to be back in LA so that's just great for him I guess. BUT... in the story he and the others are laughing and twerking and definitely not isolating the way you are meant to when you have traveled internationally; even worse, the whole post is a joke ABOUT the fact that they aren't quarantining captioned ‘COVID PROTOCOL'. As someone who is LUCKY to have 'only' been knocked out and miserable with this virus for two weeks (so far) rather than being in the hospital dying or losing a loved one: fuck off. It’s not a funny joke, and it’s not acceptable to behave like children who are daring their parents to get them into trouble. If you must travel, do the right thing and quarantine, and, above all, understand that this is real, and it isn’t something you want to catch. Trust me on this.

#louis tomlinson #harry styles #liam payne #niall horan #busy day no thots empty head #hahahahha #anyways! #song of the day! #someone you hate by Sasha Sloan

[oimoi-op]

when were you diagnosed with t1d?

Ok, so storytime! Short answer is, as of today, barely over two months ago. 

(Very long post warning y’all, contains hospital mention and extensive, possibly upsetting descriptions of health conditions, specifically DKA)

My family doesn’t really have a history of T1D or even T2D, though my second-cousin-once-removed has had T1D for over a decade now. So, there was never any reason for me to try and get tests done for it. The only sign I really had up until last semester was two copies of a variant of an HLA gene that I knew about from a 23andMe report (which, according to the report, put me at a higher risk for celiac’s and nothing else), but of course at that time I had no idea that that could mean anything serious; after all, that sort of thing only happens to other people, right?

My college started in-person classes in the latter half of August. By October, I started feeling tired, having a lack of appetite, and needing water very, very badly. I actually went to my school’s clinic, and my erratic heartbeat prompted the doctor to recommend me for a Covid-19 test. My school’s protocols meant that I had to quarantine at my home (since I live within two hours of campus) until I got a negative test result. At home, I was drinking water all the time and sleeping constantly, and my parents had commented on how I’d been losing weight. I thought these were all good things. I had been slightly overweight at my high school graduation, and I’d always heard that drinking a lot of water is good for you, so I thought I was actually in excellent health even if I kind of felt like shit most of the time.

Well. Uh. I was wrong.

When finals came around in mid-November, I was just fucking tired. I’d get a decent eight hours of sleep and still have to take naps during the day. Hell, I was even late for work because I slept through one of my nap alarms. Studying was a pain in the ass. Attending classes was a pain in the ass. Staying awake for Zoom classes was a pain in the ass. I was waking up at 5 am to go to the bathroom, and then I would drink the rest of my water, refill it, drink half of it again, and then go back to sleep. Finally, November 20th rolled around, and I got to leave campus. It was my birthday (yeah I am a Scorpio and that weirds all of my friends out lol), and my parents took me to Fusion. And I just...couldn’t eat at all? I love hibachi, but I couldn’t even eat half of my food. The chef even got me a delicious banana split that I had to basically bully my younger sister into eating with me.

For the next week, I was sleeping about 18 hours a day. I didn’t think this was weird because I’d just had finals so yeah, it makes sense that I would be tired after exams and whatnot. I went shopping with my mom, sister, and sister’s bff. We were only out for a few hours, but I was fucking wiped out y’all, like in pain. Thanksgiving arrived, and again, I love food, I love eating, but I was not hungry in the slightest. I basically had to force myself to eat some of my favorite holiday foods just so I wouldn’t offend my mom, and then I didn’t eat for the day.

The very next morning, I was puking my guts out.

This started a pattern for the next few days: I would eat chicken noodle soup or some other food, sleep like the dead, and throw up every morning and every night. I started chugging large bottles of Gatorade constantly (which, if you know about diabetes and its health complications, did not help my situation in the slightest). I started breathing erratically after very little exertion. Like, I’m talking standing up and stretching brought about heavy, labored breathing. I weighed myself on my parents’ scale, and I was under 130 lbs. Now, for some people this might seem like a lot, but due to my height and build I could fucking see some of my ribs. That was when I started to realize that something was very, very wrong, but “losing weight is good” and I didn’t want my parents to laugh at me for voicing concerns (though, for all their faults, in hindsight, I doubt they would’ve). Yeah. Don’t do that, folks, that’s not a good mindset to have. 

On Sunday, my mom took me to town to get tested for Covid. This was despite me saying that I didn’t have symptoms (which I knew very well due to some of my friends catching it at school). Rapid test came back negative, so I did a culture test. Hell, while I was sitting in the damn chair, I was about to pass out. I asked for a nausea pill but my mouth was too dry for it to dissolve. I got a cup of water, downed it all, and felt like my throat was on fire. For the rest of the day I felt so, so awful. At some point I was walking toward my bed in my room and I fucking fell. I’m fucking lucky there was carpet. 

Regarding the rest of that night, things start to get blurry, for the lack of a better term. I legitimately cannot recall everything that happened that night or the following two days, so I will just try to explain it in the way I remember it best.

Around...midnight or one??? I was on fucking fire, so I went to my bathroom and decided to lie on the floor. The floor was hardwood and not at all cold, and it wasn’t fucking comfortable even in that state, but I was just in so much pain I didn’t even care. My mom must’ve heard because she found me there and asked me what I was doing. I said something about the floor. She asked me to go back to bed, but I must’ve scared her because she asked me if I wanted her to lie in the bed with me. I don’t remember what I said to her, but we were in the bed and she was trying to hug me, but she was too warm and so I told her to stop. I kept feeling this burning just below my chest, like there was acid in me (which I guess wasn’t too far off), so I would randomly sit up to try and alleviate the pain and not cry. I remember asking my mom to take me to the hospital in the morning.

My mom put me in the truck (I think around 5 am is what she told me). I remembered hearing my dad. I was lying down. Then I was awake, but I was on the floor. I thought this was wrong so I tried to tell my mom that but I guess I couldn’t talk. Then I was in a hospital bed, the ER I assume. My mom gave me some water with a sponge, and I was just so fucking thirsty. Then I was in the ICU hooked up to a bunch of machines. I didn’t know what was going on, but my mom kept giving me water with that sponge. That is all I remember from Monday.

I remember a little bit more from Tuesday. My mom said something about diabetes, but that didn’t make any sense to me because I wasn’t “fat” and I’d been losing weight, even! What had I done to get diabetes? I was thirsty and tired, so I slept a lot. At some point I really needed to use the restroom so I unhooked my IV???? (I mean I must’ve disconnected myself somehow but I can’t remember the details) which set off a shit ton of alarms and people were Very Concerned and kept asking me Why Did You Do That? But I just needed to go to the restroom, and they told me to use the Red Button to Call the Nurse (it was already there, and I now realize that we’d probably had a similar conversation about the Red Button to Call the Nurse possibly multiple times before this) in the future. A Chopped Teen Tournament from 2017 was playing on the TV nonstop. There were commercials for CGMs. I thought that God wasn’t being very funny about the whole thing.

As of now I remember even less of Wednesday, but I know that felt better. There was this diabetes specialist who kept talking about insulin and life at college moving forward, but I wasn’t really there, either because of being so out of it for health reasons, disassociating, or a combination of the two. My mom told me she had emailed a professor so he would give me an extension on an assignment that was due by then, and I remember crying because I thought that was just so nice of him. That night, this guy got me in a wheelchair and put me in another room, which I would later learn was the ACU. My night nurse was this nice woman named Tanya, who had a very thick Eastern European accent. She got me orange juice to take some potassium pills, but it felt like swallowing rocks. I didn’t really get a lot of sleep, so I was awake when the nurses changed shifts. I remember one of them expressing surprise that I was out of the ICU so early.

My mom took longer to come that day because nobody had told her I’d been moved. I’d had plain Cheerios and orange juice for breakfast, but I couldn’t really eat because my throat hurt so badly. I talked to a lot of doctors. I guess at this point or somewhere near it I accepted that I had diabetes, but it wasn’t really real until the same diabetes specialist was going over carbs. I thought I was never going to eat shit I liked ever again. I really wanted a fucking McChicken sandwich. I signed some papers for Medicaid because I had aged out of the CHIP while in the hospital. I finally texted my friends and explained to them what had happened. I was so fucking tired.

I got out the next day, so that was Thursday. Normally, I would’ve been in the hospital much longer (especially because my Medicaid hadn’t been approved, meaning no insurance had approved of my insulin yet), but Covid cases were on the rise and the hospital wanted me out of there. The diabetes specialist and one of my nurses snuck me two fast-acting and two basal insulin pens, and I was out. I ate half a McChicken, a small fry, and drank my first Diet Coke. It tasted like diesel mixed with piss. 

That’s the gist of it. The hospital staff was very nice and thoughtful the entire time, I think. I felt as though everyone involved cared about my health a lot. 

For those of you who aren’t T1D or just don’t know, what I experienced is called DKA, short for diabetic ketoacidosis. To simplify, I was very close to entering a diabetic coma. My sister later told me that our dad had said (I assume a doctor had told my mother, who, in turn, had told him) that I was “approximately 45 minutes” away from death. DKA happens when a diabetic (usually a T1D like me) has too much blood sugar in their body due to them lacking the insulin necessary to break the sugar down, so their body breaks down their fat reserves and muscle to get the energy it needs. This is why I lost around 50 pounds over the course of a few months (I was 118 lbs. when I entered the hospital, the lowest I’ve been since grade school). I was officially diagnosed with T1D on November 30th, just ten days after my 19th birthday, which is a little older than normal I believe. It’s...well, it’s not fun, but I feel very grateful for my large support system, and tomorrow I’m trying out a CGM for the first time and applying for both it and a pump, so things are really looking up 

#personal #iamapincushion #t1d #type one diabetes #type one diabetic #dka #diabetic ketoacidosis #tw hospital #tw dka #i don't think you meant me for to respond with such a long answer #but #well #it's something i've been wanting to post for a while now and this seemed like a good opportunity

[theanoninyouraskblog]

Tear Gas:

This list is specifically about tear gas and may not contain wanted information if looking for pepper spray information

General advice for tear gas: 

https://gracemsandak.tumblr.com/post/619655701012299778/keep-yourself-and-others-safe

- Please note in the above post it recommends using a liquid to clean your face, many people have used milk, however there have been concerns associated with potential infections due to using milk. Additionally this link recommends using bakingsoda however this post https://ladyoftheshield.tumblr.com/post/620053125917720576/listen-im-trained-in-first-response-if-you-get which will also be linked later recommends only water. Others have noted that the leftover baking powder and soda can be used by police to incriminate you for being at protests.

https://rabidchilde.tumblr.com/post/619880256830095361/full-video

What to wear/Bring in order to stay safe:

Very informative: https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/casliyn/619742096569581568

- It should be noted the above post is another that recommends using something other  than water to remove tear gas from the skin, from what I have seen I recommend water and water only as some of these chemicals might damage skin and eyes.

-Some protestors have brought tenis rackets to hit tear gas canisters back (Not recommended if you do not have the experience to knock them back): https://lovinghk.tumblr.com/post/187248188108/a-protester-return-tear-gas-canisters-to-the

Only includes facial protections: https://tinyhatonapumpkin.tumblr.com/post/176276428193/tear-gas-protection

- Due to information I have seen of police using heavy duty speakers as weapons to damage hearing and attack protesters, if you have shooting range grade headphones they should be added to your outfit.

Hijabs: (This post appears to be from givemearmstopraywith however the URL of the original post is evidently missing so here is the photo)

I do not recommend you wear your favorite clothing, you will most likely have to abandon it.

Homemade face mask: https://ephyavenue.tumblr.com/post/619830200102993920/handmade-tear-gas-mask-stay-safe-out-here-face

-While the above mask would work better for pepper spray than tear gas it can still prevent particulates for getting in your eyes.

Homemade face mask: https://stepha-holic.tumblr.com/post/619814147155197952/heres-one-way-you-can-protect-yourself-from-tear

Homemade gas mask: https://magicfuckinggoblin.tumblr.com/post/619817491068272640/this-feels-like-a-good-time-to-share-this-stay

This includes what not to wear including contacts and make up, it does contain information about washing out your face with milk and yogurt if you do not have water, do not do this, you can get infected: https://stella-minerva.tumblr.com/post/619878018218852352/important-info

Additionally this post recommends you lay on the ground, I do not recommend that because the ‘gas’ is actually particulates that can and likely will sink.

Warning signs: 

Look at cops to get a bearing for what is about to happen: https://gallifreyriver.tumblr.com/post/619856105851551744/protest-tip-look-at-the-cops-are-they-wearing

-Additionally the above article mentions that some cops may throw smoke containers, caution is still recommended.

If you see a tear gas container:

-Do not remain near a tear gas container! Do not panic, move away quickly and cautiously! Panicing can lead to irrational movements that can lead to spreading the particulites.

-To touch or throw tear gas containers ensure you are wearing gloves! TEAR GAS CONTAINERS ARE HOT AND CAN GIVE YOU BURNS

https://tylorswift.tumblr.com/post/619328492389236736/hello-i-would-like-to-quickly-bring-to-light-the

-The above post contains the information about wasing tear gas from your face with baking soda, once again, there is information in the first link of if you are hit or contaminated. Additionally I have seen recommendations to kick tear gas containers into storm drains, I do not know if any of these methods are safe, and I do not recommend touching a tear gas canister if you cannot confirm without a shadow of a doubt it is not live. (Additionally if you do not know the difference between a flash grenade and a tear gas canister DO NOT TOUCH! A flash grenade can blow up in your hand)

- https://reaperspanky.tumblr.com/post/619562060135677952/if-you-are-looking-for-ways-to-keep-people-safe 

- The above post recommends using a leaf blower to redirect the tear gas powder, however do not point this at someone who is contaminated as you could force irritants into their pores.

Know what you’re picking up: https://cyberianpunks.tumblr.com/post/619759645423190016/tear-gas-is-actually-not-a-gas-at-all

Use water: https://levsenpie.tumblr.com/post/619640713596010496/tear-gas-psa

If you are hit or contaminated:

Try to breath normally.

If you see someone is hit, try to remind them to breath normally, they may be holding their breath or swallowing air.

When you shower use a cold shower because warm showers open up your pores and allows particulates to get back in.

Cleaning tear gas off your skin: https://ladyoftheshield.tumblr.com/post/620053125917720576/listen-im-trained-in-first-response-if-you-get

Tear gas advice from someone who was tear gassed as part of basic training. https://hello080500.tumblr.com/post/620020202141368320/as-someone-who-has-been-tear-gassed-before-as-part

-Milk and baking soda along with other chemicals can harm you, cause infections, and act as indicators to the police, please use water.

Contains an instructional video that shows how to was tear gas from the face. https://protests-are-power.tumblr.com/post/619517596185886720/how-to-help-someone-that-has-been-tear-gassed

This is more or less a text version of the above post: https://makyuabun.tumblr.com/post/619392803839115265/tips-for-flushing-your-eyes

Contains a video with several good questions and helps explain what you need to do if hit: https://queen-of-salt-and-fury.tumblr.com/post/620225986485731328/heres-exactly-what-to-do-if-youre-exposed-to (Here’s the article link because I was having link trouble and don't know if you are too: https://www.instyle.com/beauty/health-fitness/tear-gas-exposure-remedies?utm_medium=browser&utm_source=instyle.com&utm_content=20200606&utm_campaign=558697)

The above article contains this information video about various tear gas questions: https://thecompassionatevegan.tumblr.com/post/620171001340346368/httpswwwinstagramcompcbflubxjvq9igshid-p00

Contains information to help others who have been tear gassed or hurt in addition to yourself: https://creampuffqueen.tumblr.com/post/619510822870384641/important-medical-advice

DO NOT TOUCH YOUR FACE AND EYES IT CAN LEAD TO BLINDNESS https://yaboywillyshakes.tumblr.com/post/95077075313/important-tear-gas-psa

- DO NOT TOUCH YOUR FACE OR EYES, EVEN IF YOU ARE SPRAYED IN THE FACE, YOU WILL ONLY SPREAD THE TEAR GAS AND COULD POTENTIALLY SPREAD VIRUSES INCLUDING COVID 19: https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2020-06-04/using-tear-gas-to-subdue-protesters-may-help-spread-the-coronavirus-experts-warn

-Wash items seperatly and multiple times, you may have to get rid of those clothes because tear gas can be reactivated, because it is a fine powder and not a gas.

Don't masturbate: https://bitchin-richen.tumblr.com/post/620025004869992449/seriously-it-can-and-will-fuck-you-up-and (Though this one seems funny, its not a joke)

Washing hair: https://whyicantdraw.tumblr.com/post/619586122018865152/i-cant-find-any-posts-or-articles-about-how-to

Cleaning a gas mask: https://kdhume.tumblr.com/post/619951657363636224/how-to-clean-pepper-spray-off-of-your-gas-mask

For pet owners: 

https://yeyinshiya.tumblr.com/post/187396094879

Legality(?):

Many agencies are not calling it tear gas: https://moishe-pipick.tumblr.com/post/620144637924065280

IT CAN BE CONSIDERED ASSAULT WITH A DEADLY WEAPON TO THROW TEAR GAS CANISTERS BACK AT POLICE: https://how2helprightnow.tumblr.com/post/620147788527861760

Possibly against the Geneva convention: https://liberalsarecool.com/post/619922010524499968/our-military-cant-use-tear-gas-but-cops-can-use

-It should be noted that the usage of teargas is disputed as to whether it ‘counts’ by members of the Geneva convention and the US is considered one of the “Parties with unwithdrawn reservations limiting the applicability of provisions of the Protocol” (More here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geneva_Protocol)

If any of the information or posts I have put here contain wrong or misleading information (That I have not marked), please let me know. I want to remedy any misinformation. If you have more information or a post that you think contributes important information, let me know.

#Tear gas #Tear gas psa #BLM #Protesting #tear gas tips #Black lives matter #please contact me if anything I posted contains misleading or flat out wrong information

[kurtwarren54]

COVID-19 CANCELLED MY FROZEN EMBRYO TRANSFER

To be honest, I was never going to write this post until Monday came around. With this week being National Infertility Awareness week, my situation just hit me hard again and I was reminded that for me, being open and sharing my truth and struggles is something that not only helps me personally but hopefully helps others too. This Covid-19 world has become a super shitty time for so many people. Before I go into everything. Let me rewind.

Many of you know that we struggled for a long time to bring Otis into the world. You can read all about our infertility and multiple rounds of IVF as I wrote a lot of pretty detailed posts throughout the process. After settling into life as a new mom, Blake and I both started to think about expanding our family. We have 3 frozen embryos that have been genetically tested and our plan moving forward was to do a FET (frozen embryo transfer) to expand our family. We made the decision not to try naturally based on my own anxieties about my egg quality being poor. Plus, to have these little miracle embryos is such a blessing. We worked so hard to get them and we wanted to give them a fighting chance. Sharing the start of our cycle and what ended up happening. I had started a FET diary on my computer to document what I was feeling and going through so tapping into that in the paragraphs below.

STARTING MY FROZEN EMBRYO TRANSFER CYCLE

We decided to prep for a transfer at the end of March so that meant starting our treatment at the beginning of February. The first piece of the puzzle was doing a Hysteroscopy to take a look inside my uterus with a camera to make sure everything looked good to prep for a transfer. I remember the day I had the blood drawl in preparation for the procedure. It’s funny how quickly you fall back into these same routines of what now has seemed like a distant time away. After finally being in my own skin for about 2 months, here we were again. In my own skin meaning no breastfeeding and finally for once having my body literally to myself. The wildest thing after years of treatment and then being pregnant. Have to say, those 2 months were an incredible time to honor my own body and mind just being my own. Staring into a future of needles, meds, mood swings and anxiety had me on the edge of my seat. Maybe its PTSD from the years of treatments. It’s wild because it’s such a strange emotion. I am both calm and anxious at once. Is that even a thing?!? After going through this process before, there is a sense of calm in knowing what to expect. I also know that this really can work. Otis is sheer proof that the miracle possibility is something that is so real I can literally wrap my arms around him this second and hug him so hard and close. On the flip side, it’s heavy to know the journey that lies ahead and the obstacles ahead of us as well. So it’s this wild mix of emotions as I know those evil estrogen pills are on their way to my pharmacy and the countless needles that lie in my future. For a split second, I think about how much easier it would be if we could just be normal and conceive without all this baggage. But then I snap out of it. All the blood, sweat, tears and love we put into this process. All the work. Our precious embryos sitting frozen at the embryo bank. My mind instantly switches gears. It’s a privilege I get to look this battle in the eye again. And you know what? I’m a hell of a lot stronger than when I first started this journey and you bet the fight left in me is strong. 

FIRST DAY OF INJECTIONS

I hoisted the giant cardboard box of medications onto our kitchen island. I took a deep breath because I knew what was ahead of me. The first shot of many and the first opportunity to prep for baby number 2. So exciting. Nerve wracking. Emotional. All the feelings. I decided that I was going to do it. Blake was next to me reading my protocol papers and telling me my dosage. I was starting my lupron injections. The lupron basically turns off your own hormones so you can sync everything with the hormones I will be taking soon. The injection is telling my body not to ovulate etc. It’s wild what these meds can do to help prepare for an embryo transfer. Wild. I pulled out the bag of orange insulin syringes. Funny that something so distant was feeling all too familiar. I pulled back the syringe to the 20 mark and I was ready to inject. I stood there for a second. Anticipating how it would feel again, psyching myself up. And BAM. I did it. And just like that, we were “IN IT” again. Holy crap guys. We were really in it.

LEADING UP TO EMBRYO TRANSFER

Everything was on track. Everything was going, dare I say, GREAT. Time was flying by and really before I knew it I was taking my estrogen pills and estrogen patches headed into the doctor’s office for scans to check my lining. I remember Dr. M saying how surprised she was that my lining was looking so good toward the beginning to the point I thought something might be wrong! Maybe things were just finally playing out without a struggle. Maybe things were finally syncing up perfectly with the universe. There was an odd sense of calm and peace and everything was shaping up to look great.

RUMBLINGS OF COVID-19

Covid-19 was starting to slowly creep into every part of daily life and I we quickly felt like we were on a race against the clock. What was really happening in the world? How was it going to trickle to us? It started to quickly become scarier by the day and it was always in the back of my mind that our fertility center might close. I was talking to a girlfriend on the East Coast who let me know at some point that her fertility clinic was closing and my heart instantly sunk. Was this all really happening?!

COVID-19 I HATE YOU

It was March 16th that would darken this FET cycle for us. In the midst of the Coronavirus pandemic, it became clear that this was going to possibly affect my treatments. I feel like each day leading up to this started to become increasingly scary and left me feeling such fear looking into the unknown of what each new day would bring. The virus was spreading more quickly than ever and slowly but surely everything was starting to close. Of course like so many people out there I was glued to my phone. Waiting for updates from businesses, brands, and most importantly my fertility clinic and the CCRM. The CCRM is the facility that not only stores my embryos but performs the surgical and non surgical procedures of egg retrievals, iuis, and embryo transfers. The day before my doctor’s appointment, I was scrolling instagram and saw an update from the CCRM. My heart sank. It stated that at this time, they were still performing egg retrievals but had put a pause on all embryo transfers and iuis. The tears started to flow down my face. Of all reasons to have my cycle cancelled, it wasn’t my body’s fault, it was totally out of our control. This stupid virus was fucking up my whole treatment plan. After months of prep, and a month and half of medications, I was literally a week away from my transfer and it was cancelled in an instant. I sent the text to a close friend of mine. Blake was on a conference call, and I was mid convo with my friend. She called me immediately to say how sorry she was. And we both started crying. I just knew it. I was going to get cancelled and I had found out by casually scrolling my instagram. Brutal. Absolutely brutal. I still held on to a glimmer of hope for when I immediately called my doctors office. They were still waiting on feedback from our specific CCRM center and I would have to wait till the morning for a final word on whether I was getting cancelled. 

I woke up, showered, and got our whole family ready. Otis included! And packed us all into the car to head to the doctors. Keep in mind, we were in the middle of a quarantine to stop the spread of Covid-19 and didn’t have our nanny with us so Otis was coming with us to my appointment. We got 5 minutes down the road and I called my clinic. I let them know there was no way I was coming into the office if my cycle was getting cancelled. They placed me on hold and the receptionist said I was being cancelled. So we turned around and awaited a call from my doctor. I talked to my doctor later that day. In a way, I kind of felt awful for her too. Having to make all of these gut wrenching calls to tell patients why their cycles needed to be cancelled. I think in that moment, things shifted as I know the weight of all of this falls on so many people. She explained that since the effects of covid-19 on early pregnancy are so unknown, she was not comfortable compromising my healthy and strong embryo to these unknown circumstances. We talked for a bit and while it was a bitter pill to swallow, I agreed with her. It was better to put everything on hold until the world was in a more stable position and we had more information to implant an embryo for best chances of success. Also treatment and monitoring might become increasingly difficult to knowingly put myself at risk if I had any complications would just not be the right thing to do.

WHAT’S NEXT?

The honest answer is that we wait. We wait till the world starts to recover. We wait till our health care systems are not being overloaded. And we wait until our doctors office comes up with a plan to start treatment cycles again. 

Dealing with the repercussions of this pandemic world have left us all in a state of mourning. Mourning our past social lives, routines, and interactions. Not only was I mourning the state of the world, but I was mourning our cancelled cycle. While I am lucky to have doctors and a medical team that is putting my health and my future babies health first, the sting of being one week away from our transfer date is still fresh. It makes my heart ache knowing that others are going through the same and the worst of it, you can’t go to your girlfriends house to just get that hug you need right now. The solitude of quarantine kind of makes it an extra lonely time. 

But before it sounds like a doom and gloom story, I wake up everyday, looking at Otis and smiling. Every day I am lucky enough to spend with him and our family staying home and spending this time together. The advantage of being through this before is that I have seen first hand how all the emotional and physical drains of treatment can be worth it. I know for a fact that I am strong and that I can stare infertility in the eye and kick its fucking ass. Excuse my language (sorry Mom I know you are reading this!) but you know what, I did this before and I WILL do it again.

To all my warriors out there that are feeling alone, scared, and hopeless I want you to know you have an army of women (and men!) behind you. The hardest thing to have through this process is hope but hope is what saw me through this the first time. Please know my heart is with you and whether you have shared your own journey with anyone else, I am here to support you. DM me. Email me. It might take me time to respond but if you need a friend, I am here. Don’t ever give up. Everyday I get to hear Otis’ laugh makes me so thankful I never gave up. Stay strong friends. 

A note about this old photo from before quarantine. I was struggling to find a photo that was appropriate for this subject. This specific photo always reminds me that there is such beauty in the world meant to be enjoyed with your loved ones. And I know one day, we will be looking at this same sunset together as a family of four. 

The post COVID-19 CANCELLED MY FROZEN EMBRYO TRANSFER appeared first on eat.sleep.wear. - Fashion & Lifestyle Blog by Kimberly Lapides.

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COVID-19 CANCELLED MY FROZEN EMBRYO TRANSFER

To be honest, I was never going to write this post until Monday came around. With this week being National Infertility Awareness week, my situation just hit me hard again and I was reminded that for me, being open and sharing my truth and struggles is something that not only helps me personally but hopefully helps others too. This Covid-19 world has become a super shitty time for so many people. Before I go into everything. Let me rewind.

Many of you know that we struggled for a long time to bring Otis into the world. You can read all about our infertility and multiple rounds of IVF as I wrote a lot of pretty detailed posts throughout the process. After settling into life as a new mom, Blake and I both started to think about expanding our family. We have 3 frozen embryos that have been genetically tested and our plan moving forward was to do a FET (frozen embryo transfer) to expand our family. We made the decision not to try naturally based on my own anxieties about my egg quality being poor. Plus, to have these little miracle embryos is such a blessing. We worked so hard to get them and we wanted to give them a fighting chance. Sharing the start of our cycle and what ended up happening. I had started a FET diary on my computer to document what I was feeling and going through so tapping into that in the paragraphs below.

STARTING MY FROZEN EMBRYO TRANSFER CYCLE

We decided to prep for a transfer at the end of March so that meant starting our treatment at the beginning of February. The first piece of the puzzle was doing a Hysteroscopy to take a look inside my uterus with a camera to make sure everything looked good to prep for a transfer. I remember the day I had the blood drawl in preparation for the procedure. It’s funny how quickly you fall back into these same routines of what now has seemed like a distant time away. After finally being in my own skin for about 2 months, here we were again. In my own skin meaning no breastfeeding and finally for once having my body literally to myself. The wildest thing after years of treatment and then being pregnant. Have to say, those 2 months were an incredible time to honor my own body and mind just being my own. Staring into a future of needles, meds, mood swings and anxiety had me on the edge of my seat. Maybe its PTSD from the years of treatments. It’s wild because it’s such a strange emotion. I am both calm and anxious at once. Is that even a thing?!? After going through this process before, there is a sense of calm in knowing what to expect. I also know that this really can work. Otis is sheer proof that the miracle possibility is something that is so real I can literally wrap my arms around him this second and hug him so hard and close. On the flip side, it’s heavy to know the journey that lies ahead and the obstacles ahead of us as well. So it’s this wild mix of emotions as I know those evil estrogen pills are on their way to my pharmacy and the countless needles that lie in my future. For a split second, I think about how much easier it would be if we could just be normal and conceive without all this baggage. But then I snap out of it. All the blood, sweat, tears and love we put into this process. All the work. Our precious embryos sitting frozen at the embryo bank. My mind instantly switches gears. It’s a privilege I get to look this battle in the eye again. And you know what? I’m a hell of a lot stronger than when I first started this journey and you bet the fight left in me is strong. 

FIRST DAY OF INJECTIONS

I hoisted the giant cardboard box of medications onto our kitchen island. I took a deep breath because I knew what was ahead of me. The first shot of many and the first opportunity to prep for baby number 2. So exciting. Nerve wracking. Emotional. All the feelings. I decided that I was going to do it. Blake was next to me reading my protocol papers and telling me my dosage. I was starting my lupron injections. The lupron basically turns off your own hormones so you can sync everything with the hormones I will be taking soon. The injection is telling my body not to ovulate etc. It’s wild what these meds can do to help prepare for an embryo transfer. Wild. I pulled out the bag of orange insulin syringes. Funny that something so distant was feeling all too familiar. I pulled back the syringe to the 20 mark and I was ready to inject. I stood there for a second. Anticipating how it would feel again, psyching myself up. And BAM. I did it. And just like that, we were “IN IT” again. Holy crap guys. We were really in it.

LEADING UP TO EMBRYO TRANSFER

Everything was on track. Everything was going, dare I say, GREAT. Time was flying by and really before I knew it I was taking my estrogen pills and estrogen patches headed into the doctor’s office for scans to check my lining. I remember Dr. M saying how surprised she was that my lining was looking so good toward the beginning to the point I thought something might be wrong! Maybe things were just finally playing out without a struggle. Maybe things were finally syncing up perfectly with the universe. There was an odd sense of calm and peace and everything was shaping up to look great.

RUMBLINGS OF COVID-19

Covid-19 was starting to slowly creep into every part of daily life and I we quickly felt like we were on a race against the clock. What was really happening in the world? How was it going to trickle to us? It started to quickly become scarier by the day and it was always in the back of my mind that our fertility center might close. I was talking to a girlfriend on the East Coast who let me know at some point that her fertility clinic was closing and my heart instantly sunk. Was this all really happening?!

COVID-19 I HATE YOU

It was March 16th that would darken this FET cycle for us. In the midst of the Coronavirus pandemic, it became clear that this was going to possibly affect my treatments. I feel like each day leading up to this started to become increasingly scary and left me feeling such fear looking into the unknown of what each new day would bring. The virus was spreading more quickly than ever and slowly but surely everything was starting to close. Of course like so many people out there I was glued to my phone. Waiting for updates from businesses, brands, and most importantly my fertility clinic and the CCRM. The CCRM is the facility that not only stores my embryos but performs the surgical and non surgical procedures of egg retrievals, iuis, and embryo transfers. The day before my doctor’s appointment, I was scrolling instagram and saw an update from the CCRM. My heart sank. It stated that at this time, they were still performing egg retrievals but had put a pause on all embryo transfers and iuis. The tears started to flow down my face. Of all reasons to have my cycle cancelled, it wasn’t my body’s fault, it was totally out of our control. This stupid virus was fucking up my whole treatment plan. After months of prep, and a month and half of medications, I was literally a week away from my transfer and it was cancelled in an instant. I sent the text to a close friend of mine. Blake was on a conference call, and I was mid convo with my friend. She called me immediately to say how sorry she was. And we both started crying. I just knew it. I was going to get cancelled and I had found out by casually scrolling my instagram. Brutal. Absolutely brutal. I still held on to a glimmer of hope for when I immediately called my doctors office. They were still waiting on feedback from our specific CCRM center and I would have to wait till the morning for a final word on whether I was getting cancelled. 

I woke up, showered, and got our whole family ready. Otis included! And packed us all into the car to head to the doctors. Keep in mind, we were in the middle of a quarantine to stop the spread of Covid-19 and didn’t have our nanny with us so Otis was coming with us to my appointment. We got 5 minutes down the road and I called my clinic. I let them know there was no way I was coming into the office if my cycle was getting cancelled. They placed me on hold and the receptionist said I was being cancelled. So we turned around and awaited a call from my doctor. I talked to my doctor later that day. In a way, I kind of felt awful for her too. Having to make all of these gut wrenching calls to tell patients why their cycles needed to be cancelled. I think in that moment, things shifted as I know the weight of all of this falls on so many people. She explained that since the effects of covid-19 on early pregnancy are so unknown, she was not comfortable compromising my healthy and strong embryo to these unknown circumstances. We talked for a bit and while it was a bitter pill to swallow, I agreed with her. It was better to put everything on hold until the world was in a more stable position and we had more information to implant an embryo for best chances of success. Also treatment and monitoring might become increasingly difficult to knowingly put myself at risk if I had any complications would just not be the right thing to do.

WHAT’S NEXT?

The honest answer is that we wait. We wait till the world starts to recover. We wait till our health care systems are not being overloaded. And we wait until our doctors office comes up with a plan to start treatment cycles again. 

Dealing with the repercussions of this pandemic world have left us all in a state of mourning. Mourning our past social lives, routines, and interactions. Not only was I mourning the state of the world, but I was mourning our cancelled cycle. While I am lucky to have doctors and a medical team that is putting my health and my future babies health first, the sting of being one week away from our transfer date is still fresh. It makes my heart ache knowing that others are going through the same and the worst of it, you can’t go to your girlfriends house to just get that hug you need right now. The solitude of quarantine kind of makes it an extra lonely time. 

But before it sounds like a doom and gloom story, I wake up everyday, looking at Otis and smiling. Every day I am lucky enough to spend with him and our family staying home and spending this time together. The advantage of being through this before is that I have seen first hand how all the emotional and physical drains of treatment can be worth it. I know for a fact that I am strong and that I can stare infertility in the eye and kick its fucking ass. Excuse my language (sorry Mom I know you are reading this!) but you know what, I did this before and I WILL do it again.

To all my warriors out there that are feeling alone, scared, and hopeless I want you to know you have an army of women (and men!) behind you. The hardest thing to have through this process is hope but hope is what saw me through this the first time. Please know my heart is with you and whether you have shared your own journey with anyone else, I am here to support you. DM me. Email me. It might take me time to respond but if you need a friend, I am here. Don’t ever give up. Everyday I get to hear Otis’ laugh makes me so thankful I never gave up. Stay strong friends. 

A note about this old photo from before quarantine. I was struggling to find a photo that was appropriate for this subject. This specific photo always reminds me that there is such beauty in the world meant to be enjoyed with your loved ones. And I know one day, we will be looking at this same sunset together as a family of four. 

The post COVID-19 CANCELLED MY FROZEN EMBRYO TRANSFER appeared first on eat.sleep.wear. - Fashion & Lifestyle Blog by Kimberly Lapides.