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#i keep hoping i'll get baby fever that will override all my fears but so far nuthin
saint-ambrosef
·
1 year
Text
want to have kids but not badly enough (so far) to overcome my crippling fear of pregnancy/childbirth caused by strong pain avoidance instinct and body dysmorphia. hate being me.
#i keep hoping i'll get baby fever that will override all my fears but so far nuthin
#my husband is ready and very kindly waiting on me to be too
#but i have like a million different issues that all converge into me panicking at the thought
#e.g. being out of shape; very low pain tolerance causing fear of childbirth; body dysmorphia at the thought of pregnancy/breastfeeding
#like i feel like if i had a baby to parent tomorrow i'd be just fine. parenting doesnt scare me
#just all the physical stuff...
#i cannot psychologically commit to the idea of inevitable future pain!! my brain just nopes out!
#i was that kid who always put on my bike breaks when i went down a hill
#im a very risk-avoidant/pain-avoidant personality so the idea of NOT avoiding...brain no compute...
#and i want kids!
#but im not like...missing them right now or SUPER excited at the thought. and until i am i dont think i'll get over this hump...
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