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#i just wanna cut all ties with my old work. theres no joy there. only pain and anger. which makes it hard to work with it but the sooner i
opens-up-4-nobody
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9 months
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#ay ay ay. i dont wanna do my job so bad. it makes me so unhappy also i fucked up a thing by letting someone take part of a culture when i
#shouldnt have. it happened so many months ago that i fucking forgot abt it and then the person emailed me abt when we received the stain and
#i thought it was someone from another project so i cc'd my boss who was like. wait. what the fuck is this? and now its like oops sorry but
#like wtf am i supposed to do abt it now? she askrd me to take some when i was rushing out of someone else's lab and i was like what? sure.
#whatever i dont give a fuck i feel like im dying every second i stand in this room. i didnt even think to ask to share it which is what i
#should have done. oops. cant do anything abt it now other than feel abt abt causing drama between labs. ugh.
#i just wanna cut all ties with my old work. theres no joy there. only pain and anger. which makes it hard to work with it but the sooner i
#do. the sooner i dont have to fucking deal with it anymore. ugh. also i really need to find a therapist but my insurance changes in like 18
#days so i might as well wait for the semester to start. ugh. like i can feel the pull of my bad habits trying to drag me down and i dont kno
#how to stop them. like its weird. i noticed while my parents were here. they can just do things and enjoy stuff. and everytime i do
#something i feel like im holding my breath the entrie time waiting for it to be over and for what? its not like i had other stuff to do
#i just needed to kno when things were gonna end and i dont deal well with flexible situations. which makes it hard to do things. so its
#like do i succumb to my control freak lil bubble of not doing anything and being miserable or do things outside my comfort zone and be
#miserable? one of those things is way easier. plus i dont even kno anyone here so its like wtf do i do?
#try to make friends with my sometimes roommate maybe. i just need to corner her and be like hey i need to establish a dialog with u so i can
#tell u that if i seem like a weird hermit im not trying to b standoffish i just dont kno how to do human interaction well. can we b friends?
#id like to b friends but if i dont talk now then ill get stuck not talking ever. which is whats happened with past roommates... god my 1st
#roommate must have thought i was so fucking weird. ugh. point is. these bad habits must stop. and i really need to get work done so i can
#never think abt that shit ever again. at least now that ive moved i can run up the side of a mountain when im frustrated
#unrelated
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