#i just realised i could just. upload the video. im sorry im dumb

[sparklinpixiedust]

Basic Training

This post has been sitting in my drafts for months now, during which I've come up with a few ways I wanted to write this post. This is what I've come up with.

Basic Training is the episode which made me hate Ben the most. The whole episode consisted him of being a stuck up brat only to be rewarded for it in the end.

This episode was the perfect opportunity to have Kevin in the spotlight and show how skilled and smart he is.

Gwen's presence in this episode was actually fine, there's no change needed for that.

Look, I know the shows named Ben 10 but we have seen Ben be the hero tons of times already.

And Ben being egoistic about his heroism is not something new in the franchise.

There have been episodes on the OS where Ben got a big head, yet I dont ever see anyone complaining about that.

Was is it because he was 10 that we excuse this behaviour? Nope.

15 - 16 is still pretty young and his attitude can be excused at this age as well.

My opinion? It was handled better in the OS.

There were times when Ben wasn't always the main focus.

In Lucky Girl, Ben has his ' who's your hero?' Moment.

They showed Gwen feeling jealous and hurt by the fact she wasn't noticed much.

It was realistic.

Then the epsiode proceeded to focus on Gwen , having Ben being kind of like a sub plot to the story.

Towards the end Ben compliments her.

So yeah Ben got big head, but at the same time they shifted focus so that the audience wouldn't find it annoying.

Gwen was in the spotlight for a bit, giving people a break from Ben.

Secondly  , in Be Afraid Of The Dark, Ben again is shown to be slightly stuck up, but towards the end of that episode he learns and acknowledges Gwen and Grandpa for help and understands his crime fighting is more of a team effort.

In Galactic Enforcers, we are shown there are other heros besides Ben as well.

Ben wasn't the sole focus of that episode. Yes it was about him but also about the Galactic Enforcers.

I don't think he was shown to be over confident here , but it was nice to see some other heros in the scene.

The Ben 10,000 episode focuses on how Ben was too focused on his job and the lesson at that was Ben needed to relax and have them Galactic Enforcers take the lead instead.

Again , his attitude towards everything was brought in focus but towards the end he learnt something.

I recently started watching Generator Rex and I can't help but compare Rex's character to Ben's.

Rex is also proud , rushes into things and considers himself to be a hotshot. But they also show him being down ,having trouble with his nanites and actually voice out his insecurities.

He's still the hero, still has things go his way most times but it's not annoying like Ben.

( I've only seen like 7 episodes so far so I don't know if this going to go down hil or not but so far so good)

The issue with the sequels after the OS was that Ben was the focus a bit too much.

We as the audience were rarely ever given a break from him.

Other than a few conversations here and there about his attitude,  nothing really was done about it.

Gwen should've been appreciated more for saving Kevin and Kevin should've been appreciated for stopping Aggregor.

But they weren't.

If it had been Ben , they would've made sure to show him getting some sort of recognition or trophy.

Back to the Basic Training episode.

We know he's the legendary Ben Tennyson, we know he's a hero. We didn't need another episode on it.

Instead the plot should've focused on Kevin. His skills, his abilities.

Ben would act the same but Magsiter Hulka should've put some sort of cover so Ben couldn't use the omnitrix.

Ben goes on breaking rules,  and having a hard time being a hero without the watch.

Towards the end, it should've been Kevin who cracks the case and saves Hulka. Ben is mad he can't use the omnitrix but instead uses the guns and other weapons he's learnt to use at the academy

He's not amazing at them , but it makes him realise that he is hero , watch or not, something that has been emphasised in the show. Its not impossible for him to function without the watch.

Towards the end, Ben getting a 95 was a stretch. I'm sorry , but the guy wasn't great with using weapons and without the watch I dont think he would've been able to complete that hostage excercise.

I'm thinking more like 89%.

Gwen gets 98, that's fine and Kevin gets a 100.

Hulka comes in and awards the medal (?) to Kevin, suggesting he's becoming more like his father.

( im ignoring the ret con, plus the retcon I'm assuming wasnt thought off at this point by the writers)

Ben is shown to take one of the guns back to earth, because he thinks they're cool and he wants to practice and get better at them.

The whole hostage situation makes him want to get better at making strategies.

Yes he's good at improv, but he needs to learn to properly plan as well.

It doesn't matter if he's never shown to use the gun ever again, and he's back to relying on the omnitrix.

Or maybe some time down the line, he could use the weapon, even if it for a second, to show that he is improving and getting better.

Before you say 'he's already a hero, he doesn't need to learn anything ' sorry but no.

He's 16. He may have saved the world but he still has growing up to do. Different battles are going to arise all the time.

Saying he is perfect at 16 is dumb. Saying he's perfect when he's ben 10k , it'll make some sense. He's been around for a while and is pretty experienced.

The watch is a part of him, but seeing him try to explore other options would've been a fresher idea.

Another scene that made me mad was the court (?) scene in Vreedle, Vreedle.

Ben being a hero shouldn't make him above the law.

Domstol ruling in favor of Ben just because he's the legendry Ben Tennyson was stupid.

After Ben's little monologue , and destroying Domstols desk, the judge should've just informed him that being a hero does not excuse him from following the law.

Kevin could've had his little moment doing some negotiation ( would've been nice to see how he works as con artist) and Ben could've jumped in and helped while making some good points for the argument, showing us he's not stupid.

Then having Domstol rule in their favor would've made sense.

On the way back to earth there could've been a joke about how Ben watches Judge Judy too much which is where he learnt about trials and stuff. Or maybe Gwens dad taught him a thing or two at some point.

All this doesn't mess with Ben's character all that much, he's still the hero of the show, he still has his ego but it makes him more likeable, shifts focus from his attitude, and shows us he's pretty smart and is growing into a good hero.

Ben's not a bad guy. I mean he is the hero of the show. There are tons of scenes which show he's good , like the whole sacrificing thing so the ultimates could live and all.

But little scenes here and there tend to be enough for someone , especially for someone who isn't a super hard-core Ben lover to form negative opinions on him.

Although calling him a psychopath / narc is out of line because I don't find him to be like that. His attitude was magnified by him being in the spotlight too much and writers not having a good balance in writing situations.

Ben being the main character of the show is at risk of becoming hated or less appreciated just because he's the font runner of the show.

Admit it, side characters tend to get more love most times than the main agonist of shows.

I've been watching videos on YouTube on this topic as to why this happens , and what I've come up with is that writers of shows tend to focus too much on main character. Things seem to go their way most times and this tends to get on peoples nerves, consciously or subconsciously because it's not exactly realistic.

Having shows where everything focuses on one person most times tend to backfire.

I don't mind Ben having a big head, I dont mind him making jokes and being so casual.

It's his defense mechanism to protect himself from drowning into the struggles and pressures of being a hero. But always having him be that way isn't good.

The writers should've executed it properly.

( okay this post got really long,  more than I thought it would. If you're read the whole things , congratulations on making it here lol.

I'm not going to stop anyone from replying to this because everyone has different opinions and we all have the freedom to express them.

Although I believe I've made my point and I've made sure to keep in mind all the arguments about why bashing Ben is wrong when he's not a bad guy while typing this out.

I don't think I've directed any major hate towards him , its mostly towards the writers for making the situations like that,but if you think I have you can reply to it.

I'm not gonna reply back though , because again I feel I've made my point.

Any agreements / disagreements you have with the post feel free to share because it is your right.

Any disagreements you have with other members,  as long as its related to the post you can share it.

Any issues you have personally with other members,  please keep them to your selves.

I will not tolerate bullying , harassing,  name calling and petty arguments on my post and blog page.

If this happens I will simply delete this post and re-upload it.)

#ben 10 au #ben 10 #kevin levin #ben 10 alien force #ben tennyson #ben 10 reboot #ben 10 omniverse #ben 10 analysis #ben 10 series #ben 10 critical #ben 10 classic #my take

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y’know the wildest thing still to happen to me on this hellsite was my first experience of sexting, sans nudes, that was done in front of at least 250-500 followers because of those horny anons i had in early 2013 when i was 17. instead of being exposed to it on my phone privately with a partner at that age, it was done publicly for the internet to see lmao. i remember begging the anons to stop and “come off anon” because i was “losing followers” at the time too bc i was so insecure about my follower count lmao. and then yeah when they came off anon they were both 28 years old.

to write the responses, i just consulted cosmo mag sex pages for ideas hoping that the anons would like the options i chose. in one i detailed doing anal- a sex act i hadn’t even done yet irl- let alone every other thing i suggested in them (head, idek long, drawn out foreplay, some stupid fancy sex moves that cosmo was all like “use these moves to spice up your sex life 🔥🔥”, sex in a bath, i’m pretty sure i had some lines about tying or handcuffing them to a bed (????) etc etc etc)….

when again, i had never even done any of those above sex acts in real life. i was a naive teen who was incredibly shy in regards towards her love life because she’d “never been kissed” and had never had the “hot emo boyfriend whose in a band and is covered in tattoos” she’d always wanted, let alone even a boyfriend that she had actually fucking liked (ie clear braces boy, for like a month in year 9/2010 vs the popular boys that made fun of her, that she always had unrequited crushes on)…. hell, my blog title when i first started on here in 2011 was “the perfect epitome of being forever alone” because of these very reasons. but here she was, writing explicit sex acts to strangers like she knew what the fuck she was doing, to an audience of 250-500 people- and then to fucking grown ass men in inboxes. i was just parroting the shit i’d read in cosmo (both sex advice and sometimes excerpts of erotica/“sexy, steamy reads” they had some months) and also heard repeatedly in the porn that my high school stalker/creeper at public school loved to show (harass) me with to flirt with me, whenever we were alone together at school in 2012/2013.

like you could tell how naive i was….. because i used ridiculous lines like “like a gentleman entranced, you lead me to the bath for our next foray” and dumbass prose-y things like that. because what the fuck does that even mean 😂😅????

and this is why i think minors should be careful with their online experiences. like yeah, you could say that i wasn’t a minor anymore- more of a “young adult”- who should of made the smart decision to not engage with these anons. but i was a kid. i thought it was fun. and when the dudes came off anon, i thought to myself “it’s not like i’m ever gonna meet them if i ever go to the US or puerto rico at any point. it’s not like that they’ll ever recognise me in person or ever reach out to me again in the future. i might as well do it.” and i did eventually end up ignoring the guys in my inbox, due to my mental health kinda plummeting from the middle til the end of 2013 because of my end of high school exams and stuff… and also the puerto rican guy’s infamously inappropriate “hot PE teacher fucks HOT female high school student in the girls change room showers” fantasy which fucking disgusted me, when he full well knew that i was STILL IN high school.

and obviously again, there’s the point about using the “block” button function. but as i’ve stated several times over my years on here, back in my early days of tumblr, i never wanted to block or unfollow people (even if they were trash like these two men), because it seemed so “mean” and “final”. obvs now i have no qualms about blocking people, and actively encourage younger people on here to use the block button with reckless abandon towards creepy people or people who can hurt them in some way. but to high school teenage me, the whole “using the block button” thing seemed to go against me being a “nice girl/person” so i never used it, no matter which social media platform i was on.

this is why i’m hella scared for young teen girls on tik tok wanting to have onlyfans accounts: because it’s where they’ll be exposed to ACTUAL CREEPS AND PREDATORS incredibly quickly; all because they can make money off selling images of just their feet or eventually their body….. depending on what these creepy strangers demand from them….. and they’ll feel like they’ll have to do it…. but to do it before you even start experimenting properly with relationships and sex is even worse. like. yeah. i’ve admitted before that i originally started this tumblr to possibly post nudes, to see if i’d get the positive feedback that i so desperately wanted/craved from the boys in my year at catholic school- eg. to be called “sexy”, “hot”, “fuckable” possibly “beautiful”- like some of the so called “popular girls” got on their hella basic bikini photos back then (like i remember one girl i knew ended up with like 500 likes and a fair amount of comments on one of her bikini pics and i was INCREDIBLY BITTER because not even a pic of me with a nice outfit on, my hair done and makeup on could EVER get those numbers, let alone even break over the double digits).

but i decided posting nudes or other explicit images on here was an absolute no go, because i realised that i never wanted people that i knew digging up barely clothed/naked pics of me and sending them to me all like “hey, is this you?” and then possibly mocking me, all because i would’ve been dumb enough to put my face in them probably at the time. now when i take nudes and send them, i never show my face. because i know now, that even in relationships, your partner can use nude pics as leverage for arguments or to abuse you in such a way that they’ll upload your pics without your knowledge to god knows where on the internet probably as a way to get back at you in a horrible breakup.

this is what i sincerely hope some young girls who ever contemplate starting onlyfans accounts take some time SERIOUSLY CONSIDER. please know that if you share shit on onlyfans, it can shared and re-shared (i think idek how OF works tbh) to god knows who- and eventually end up in the hands of people you know. i don’t fucking care if it’s a “good way to make money!” or if people think that im trying to stop teen girls from being “girl bosses” and the other dumb as fuck internet memes you want to throw at me. because this shit isn’t “haha internet meme funny” material. it’s some fucking serious stuff. and also, i’m not saying “don’t become a sex worker when you’re older” or whatever either. you’re free to make that choice when you’re in your 20s (no i even mean 17-19 year olds in this post as “young teen girls”- sorry you’re basically kids to me at almost 26). just please consider where the fuck your stuff can be shared to. who it can end up being shared with or to.

this is why i was so fucking adamant with my infamous old follower mr adelaide fuckboy/MAF that i personally would NOT consider becoming a camgirl for him or just generally… because i had no idea where the fuck my images or videos would end up. and do you know the places i’d never want them to fucking be??? in the hands of my high school stalker/creeper. in the hands of those two 28yo men from 2013 (who’d now be in there late 30s or early 40s). i absolutely don’t want them in the hands the mid-to-late 20s and early 30s men that that girl i met at public school in 2012 who was pissed that i didn’t believe that were “adults” because we were finally over the legal age of consent (16) in our state of australia, and so we were apparently fine to “fuck” literal grown ass men because “just fuck them and they’ll be nice to you!!” which i knew was fucking bullshit.

i absolutely don’t fucking want explicit videos/images of me ending up in “why the fuck won’t you let me give you “sex lessons” in the back of my car as a “favour” and as payment for teaching you how to drive you stupid, stuck up & frigid, virgin bitch!?” guy’s hands from 2014 (when i was 18/19 at the time and he was 25… he ended up being the first person of many i’d EVER block on social media lol). or i don't want them in the hands of those weird early 20s dudes (one of which was trying to set me up with his friend) who hit on me at 16/17 (2012) who were angry that i didn’t like and watch porn as much as they did…. and who promptly asked me at the end of their period of harassing of me: “do you know any sluts we could add?” because i kept refusing their suggestions etc.

hell, quite frankly i don’t even want them to go to mr adelaide fuckboy/MAF either, but the very few and far between nudes that i sent on snapchat to him back in 2016 are some nudes that i’d rather forget lmao. hell. i don’t even know if MAF ever deleted my nudes or shared them somewhere else or not, after he fucking wheedled them out of me with “i’ve followed you for 4 years, don’t be a shit! you owe me nudes!” so he’d just shut the fuck up about my social life decisions and leave me the fuck alone.

i don’t want ANY ONE of the guys i mentioned above to get their hands on photos of minors either…. because i definitely know my hs stalker/creeper would… because his fave “make her jealous” tactic that he’s always used on me is that “hey…. i’m dating a *insert teenage girl’s age here*! be fucking jealous that you don’t fucking have me and feel guilty that you won’t fuck me like this girl does!!!” just like he did in 2015, when i ran into him on the home from uni… when i turned 20 the next week and he turned 20 that december. at that time it was a 14yo girl he used as an example of him “dating”/“fucking” to make me jealous. instead, i was completely and utterly fucking disgusted. like any fucking sane and normal human being would/should be at that horrible age gap. that is literally a fucking child that he was fucking grooming. and we were literal adults. back the fuck away.

just please. PLEASE CONSIDER the types of people that trawl these kinds of sites and their intentions. please consider that you are young. very fucking young. you literally DO NOT need to upload nudes to the internet because it’s apparently a “lucrative” business. fuck the jokey “boss babe” rhetoric around it all the way to fucking hell.

because if you’re a minor: i do not want you to have your first experience of sexting or sending explicit images literally in front of god knows how many total strangers for the whole world to see (okay i know only fans is like subscriber/follower based or whatever. but i don’t care)…… even when you (depending how good you are with relationships etc) haven’t reached the common supposed milestones of your “first boyfriend/girlfriend/partner” or “first kiss” or have even “lost your virginity” (which isn’t real anyway- don’t buy this fucking bullshit)…. just like i stupidly did with my exposure to sexting here on my tumblr back in 2013. these people don’t/won’t give a flying fuck about your privacy or safety. they don’t/won’t give a fuck about your boundaries either.

please don’t possibly scar yourself for life, just because you’re being told that it’s a quick & convenient way to make some money for weirdos on the depths of the internet. you will regret it in future. just like i do now with mine. it should’ve been something personal between me and and a guy i trusted and liked at the time. not to some random 250-500 random strangers on this hellsite (okay the notes on these posts were literally single digits or non-existent, but still… and also some of my irl friends who had tumblr saw these posts as well) for a show….. and then privately with two 28yo literal grown ass men…. who should’ve been fucking hitting on women their own goddamned age and in their own countries and NOT a 17yo high school KID (at the time) from australia; who, now in her 20s, needs therapy to sort this shit out lmao. mind you they both reeled me in with the “you’re so mature for your age” bullshit line…. which i fell for a little bit, even if it did make me feel kinda gross at the time, too. don’t fall for that bullshit either.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #relationships i guess #internet stuff #this went in a bigger direction that i thought it would lmao #but anyway

[greennct]

chenle in your camera lens

fansite!au, i've had this idea for ages, i thought it was super cute!! let me know what u think, i tried to make it as fluff-y as possible bc chenle is my baby! it’s also bullet pointed bc i wanted to see how it would feel to write in that style & honestly i was literally just trying to write like @warmau​ bc she’s super talented & i love her im so sorry i had to drag u into this 💞💖💘

edit!! i just posted a part 2 to this fic, which you can find here!

(3.2k words yo what, no triggers apart from chenle making cute meme faces which genuinely actives my soft sad hours)

song rec: notice me by spinn

not to brag, but like,,,, you were pretty famous as far as fansites go

part of it was because you had just been around for so long, taking photos of zhong chenle pretty much since the first day of his debut

and part of it was how talented you were at capturing the boy so authentically

but the main reason nctzens knew/loved/worshipped you, was because of how effortless and pure your interactions were with him

before you had even heard the word kpop, your passion had always been photography

however since you were still in high school, you were broke and unable to really pursue your dream properly

like seriously, apart from one half-broken digital camera you were pretty sure hadn’t been upgraded since 2003, the photography department at your school was pretty much nonexistent. you found yourself getting more and more upset about the fact you weren’t allowed to do what you loved every day

so it really was only a matter of time before you decided to take matters into your own hands

immediately after having spent a ridiculous amount of money on a mediocre, but at least functioning camera, you decided to take it out the next weekend you could, to try and capture some action in the streets of seoul

you were expecting cute photos of couples, candids of children playing, maybe even some views of the city (if you could be bothered to find a rooftop), or anything else that struck your fancy

what you were not expecting, was a world-famous boyband filming some kind of variety show on your local high street

what you certainly did not expect at all, was to suddenly find yourself staring at the cutest boy you had ever seen in your life

there were seven or eight people with cameras already at the scene, furiously clicking away. you sidled up to the closet person you could find, and half-whispered to her, scared of disturbing the lighting speed of her shutter closing, to ask if she knew what the boy with the ash brown hair was called

you were told his name was chenle, & without having to think, you lifted the viewfinder to your eye, and snapped your first photo of him. you still have it today, it’s the first thing that pops up when someone searches your blog, a candid of him laughing at something jisung had said.

every time you look at it, you get this little fuzzy feeling in your stomach, reminded of the very first day that he had caught your eye, by doing something as simple and normal as laughing at a joke

since then, there was no looking back. you steadily made a name for yourself as a chenle fansite, with your amazing photography skills

and sure, your action shots of him dancing were ethereal, and your lack of whitewashing gained you popularity from a lot of fans, but your specialty, the reason everyone flocked to your blog directly after every awards show, was because of your candids of chenle

somehow, you had a knack for knowing exactly when to capture a giggle, pout or shocked reaction to one of the dreamies antics, managing to encapsulate chenille’s bubbly personality within a single frame

people who had met nct dream started referring your photos to international fans, claiming that your photos were the closest thing one could get to actually seeing what chenle was like irl

but even that wasn't the full reason that you became to famous and loved by nctzens

seriously, when the regular/irregular album came out, your inbox was fukk of messages from nctzens begging you to break into sm and reshoot the whole photobook

however, even though you loved taking photos of chenle, the problem was that you were basically his age

you were still in high school, living with your parents, and essentially under their control

having to originally been monitored by your mother every time you went to any kind of nct dream event, you quickly made friends with the other fansites, so that you wouldn’t have to  chaperoned, but instead was supervised by people you trusted, who were responsible adults

however, this didn't stop the older photographers from always teasing you, when you had to leave an awards show at 10pm with the rest of the underage members, were slightly late to an interview, because you had to rush from school, or even from time to time when you whipped out your laptop at a schedule, balancing it precariously on your raised knee whilst waiting for chenle, needing to submit an assignment to your teacher within the half hour

it quickly became a joke within the nctzens, the tiny, underage chenle fansite, who everyone loved to baby, with more talent than half of the adult photographers

what's more, you work didn't go under appreciated by the dreamies themselves

((((not to brag or anything,,,, but like,, you had the highest percentage of photos with chenle directly smiling at your lens than pretty much any other fansite))))

he knew that you were the same age as him, and mentioned it from the first fansite you went to. he told you to drop any formalities since you were “friends now,” and always teased you whenever he saw you

one of the ways that chenle would do this, was by always making a silly face before posing properly, sticking out his tongue, crossing his eyes, or doing some other dumb facial expression

he did it to tease you, trying to ruin your photos, as he had always asked why you couldn’t eve seem to take a bad photo of him

of course you had replied that it wasn't your skills that made the photos so pretty, it was him (with an extremely red face lmaoo), & so chenle tried to take that as a challenge

whenever he was sure no one else was looking, he would pull the most horrible faces for you to take photos of, trying to sabotage your photography

and of course you whined to yourself that he still managed to look incredibly endearing even with cross-eyes and some drool dripping off his chin

and you were sure other nctzens would die as much as you did with how sweet he looked in the photos - after all, the candid shots were completely on-brand for you

but somehow you could never bring yourself to upload the photos online, deciding there was something that would make your heart hurt a little bit at allowing other people to see those photos

even though you knew better,,,,, you wanted to pretend his expressions were just for you

of course you had a crush on chenle, it was hard to follow around such an effervescent & cheeky boy for so long without developing at least some kind of feelings for him

& though you felt your heart flip a little every time he complimented your photos, or told you that you looked nice that day,,,

you also weren't delusional. you knew that you didn't have a chance, you were literally just a fansite, & it was chenle’s job to be nice to you

because you were so conscious of coming off as creepy with your pretty obvious crush, you always made sure to completely respect his boundaries

you prided yourself on turning off your flash if you thought the dreamies looked tired, and when you started making enough money from your photos to follow them to different countries, you made sure to take different flights and stay at other hotels, if their details ever got leaked, not wanting to feel like you were stalking them

instead of ever acting on your emotions, you stayed content with the stupid faces he made you, convincing yourself they were just for you, and tried to shove your feelings deep, deep down

& for a while,,,, it worked. you & chenle stayed,, not friends but,, something closer than just a casual fan

he knew your name, he would always wave in your direction when he recognised you, and you would always hide your furious blush behind the camera lens when he sent you the occasional wink or finger heart

& that was enough for you,, until unfortunately, life started getting in the way

college was drawing closer and closer, & you had to start scrambling to put together a portfolio of your photography to apply to schools with

you realised you probably needed some more extracurriculars, so signed up for a copious amount of clubs, started volunteering for extra credit, actually studying for tests, and even hanging out a lot more with your friends, having realised with a shock, that you had limited time left to share with them before you all went to different schools

with all that going on, you barely had time to scroll through your social media accounts when you finally got to bed,

you spent the half an hour before your eyes drooped so low you were forced to turn your phone off scouring furiously through the photos other fansites had taken of chenle, scouring for any photos of the weird faces he made, if he had started doing them for someone else now that you had been away for a while

searching for a sign they weren’t just for you, and you had been delusional for hoping against hope this whole time

funnily enough, you actually ended up receiving the exact opposite of what you feared

upon opening your twitter one night, you discovered you had a lot more mentions than usual, all tagging you in one video

clicking on it, your stomach dropped slightly. it was taken at an award ceremony, previously your favourite time of the year, because it meant you got to see chenle almost every day. now you just felt a pang in your stomach - you couldn’t see chenle at all at the moment

it was a video of him turning to converse during an ad break with a jaemin fansite, one who had taken care of you a lot when you had first started to take photos

he mouthed the name of your fansite, raising his hands in a quizzical manner. you almost dropped your phone. upon calming yourself, and reasoning that of course he knew the name of your fansite, he spoke about it with you all the time, you resumed the video

when she didn’t understand what chenle was trying to communicate to her, he said you name (your felt your heart do a triple flip where is was beating sporadically in your throat), and asked where you had went

she replied “college applications!” and he pouted, suddenly blinded by flash as the fansites around him tried to capture the moment

“tell her to come back soon!” he said, and turned back around

you rewatched the video at least 20 more times to prove to yourself that it wasn’t fake

this sudden recognition and blatant affection that you were shown, was pretty much unheard of, and not only did you know that, but the whole of twitter knew it too

before you could even like the video, your whole account was filled with  messages from delusional stans either convinced you were dating and sending well-wishes, or threats to stay away from chenle indefinitely from slightly less sympathetic fans.

to be honest, you didn't know which reaction was worse

after all, though it was certainly blush-inducing, it wasn't anywhere close to a love confession, wasn't everyone overreacting slightly?

you sighed, turning off your phone. right now was an important time of your life. though there was still a significant amount of people telling other to back off, and simply being happy you had received such high praise from chenle, the last thing that you needed was your phone pinging all day with messages from everyone else, demanding some sort of explanation about the video from you, when you knew the exact same amount of information that they did.

the next day, you texted the jaemin fansite to tell her you'd be staying off of social media for a while. you deleted all your apps. you had decided to ride out this ‘scandal’ until you were at least done with your application, and you had to admit, not having the pressure of everyone scrutinising your every move was quite liberating

though the rest of the year was actually a lot of fun, and you ended up spending a lot more time pursuing things you didn't have time to previously, and spending time with friends,,,,

there was always that small ache you felt whoever your friend texted you saying chenle had asked about you again, or seeing a billboard of his face in the city, hearing an nct song playing in a café, reminding you of the lifestyle that had consumed you just months previously,,, that you missed more than anything,,,,,,, the boy you couldn’t stop thinking about,,

you tried to push the feeling down, reasoning that there was no way chenle was as bothered as you were about the separation, & carried on with your life, no matter how awful you felt at times

of course, the school year did have to end at some point, though. after what felt like years, your college decisions came back!!! you were so glad that your hard work had paid off!!!! (of course you got in to your dream school what kind of au would this be if u didn’t lol)

your friends wanted to take you out to celebrate, but you declined politely, knowing exactly where you were going

nct dream had just had a comeback, and your jaemin fansite friend had won you an extra ticket to their fansign “just in case,” since she know you were about to finish your schoolwork

you missed chenle too much to stay away from him much longer, no matter how stupid you knew your feelings were

let me tell you,,,,, the moment you walked into the hall, the tension in the fansign literally hit the roof

you practically ran into your seat, ducking behind your camera lens, trying to capture chenle without actually having to make eye contact with him

everyone was whispering about your sudden return after months of silence on social media,, you caught some people trying to take photos of you sneakily

the dreamies noticed your presence too, of course

haechan caught sight of you first, and nudged chenle, who was standing next to him, pointing him in your direction

the whole room literally squealed at the way chenles entire face lit up at the familiar sight of your camera

& you,,, well you were just glad your face was covered because hOly hECk you were blushing,,, you tried to keep your face hidden, until you had to go up to get him to sign your album

when you left your seat, the whole room collectively held their breath, like im not even kidding, there had been so much speculation over whether or not you had left the fandom over the controversy, so your sudden unexpected return to the fansign was a huge

now of course chenle was the last in the line, so you had to deal with the rest of the dreamies teasing beforehand, while they signed your album. though you were friendly with them, and they knew your name of course,

however whoever you had talked it had always been sweet and innocent,, they had never made you so,,,,,, uncomfortable before

even jeno, the shyest of the lot gave you a knowing smirk when he said “welcome back!”

jisung told you he couldn’t draw a heart, otherwise chenle might get jealous, and mark just gave you a cryptic look.

“chenle’s been pretty worried about you.... don't break his heart.”

you kind of just laughed awkwardly, and moved down the queue to jaemin. there was no way that he was being serious. nct dream were acting weird around you

you tried to quell the nerves in your stomach when you finally faced chenle

“hi!” you managed

“i missed you!!!! don’t ever leave me for so long again!” chenle pouted, skipping the formalities of small talk. you tried not to giggle like a twelve-year-old

“i'm sorry, chenle, i had college-”

“applications!” he finished “how did they go? have you heard? did you get in? you wanted to go to the arts one in daegu, right?”

you blinked, surprised he remembered such a small detail about your life. you could barely remember telling him about it. “um, ye-yeah! i did!”

“woooaaah!” he cheered loudly, “i always knew you were smart!!” taking your hand in his, he waved them together in the air. you could hear gasps and clicks behind you

“this is gonna be all over twitter tomorrow, you know, chenle.” you blushed, gently trying to extract your hand in order to make sure he was comfortable

chenle simply tightened his grip on your intertwined fingers, pulling them closer to his face, as he leaned his head against them. “they seem to like us together, don't they?” he agreed. you let out a little gasp in spite of yourself, cheeks extremely flushed.

“i don't mind...” he continued, “unless you do?”

you shook your head slightly, not trusting yourself to speak. chenle had always been flirty with you, the same way he was flirty with all the other fans he met, but this behaviour was a huge step up from what you had experienced beforehand. your brain started working overtime, putting pieces together at 100 miles an hour

the weird faces, the asking about you, the trivial facts he remembered,, was is possible,,, chenle also-

“miss? your time is up” a manager started trying to hurry you along, as there were already two or three people queuing behind you. “wait!” chenle said, finishing his signature in your album, scribbling furiously

he then looked up at you, offering the pinky finger of his free hand up with a solemn expression

“promise you won't run away again?”

you joined your fingers with his, unable to do anything but nod at his forward behaviour

“you gotta promise!!”

“i promise!” you half whispered

chenle pressed a small, chaste kiss on your fingers

it was so fast that it could've been mistaken for him simply waving your hands together

however you and chenle, with matching blushing faces knew exactly what the gesture had meant

the rest of the afternoon, you tried to ignore how the butterflies in your stomach had suddenly morphed into huge stallions, kicking up all of your emotions all over the place

it certainly didn’t help that he kept looking over at you. winks, hearts, kisses, pouts were all thrown your way

and of course, from time to time, he would go to your side of the auditorium, lean close into your huge camera lens, and make a horribly ugly face

every time he did, you found your heart swelling just a little more, because you knew, you knew

that those faces had always been for you

& when you got home, and read the message chenle had left in your album, a small paragraph simply stating he thought you were “seriously, like ridiculously beautiful,” you knew that he hadn’t written a series of digits underneath his signature for anyone else

you finally understood, that everything had always been just for you

#chenle #zhong chenle #nct dream #nct chenle #nct dream chenle #nct fluff #nct dream fluff #chenle fluff #chenle au #nct dream au #chenle fic #chenle imagine #nct fic #nct imagine #nct dream fic #nct dream imagine #nct dream scenario #writings

[survivor-tierradelfuego]

Ep. 13: “I just want to bury my head in a mountain of blankets and sleep.” -  Sarah

Najwah

Well, that was shit. I feel as though I really tried to get Amy to vote with us but Pedro wanted to get her out so everyone just decided to write her name down too. Also, she basically used my name as a decoy too. And I used Maddison as a decoy too so she could flush Olivia's idol. It worked. I had my superidol at the ready too. I feel like this game is just going to get more insane from here on out. We are so little people in the game. So close and yet I'm content with just being here. In the final seven. This feels good. I'm glad Pedro is with us and I wish we had gotten him on board a while back. We haven't told anyone else about our idol and superidol yet. I wonder if Amy really gave Pedro the fake idol lmao that would be hilarious. Anyway. I'm just going to carry on playing I guess. Amy had crazy big plans and I loved them but I felt like her allegiance to Maddison ruined our common goal. I wish she'd just been on board with us voting Maddison like she wanted to when we voted Grae out. That's when it all started. That's when we were causing waves in the game without anyone even knowing. Sigh. I wish things could have been different. 

Olivia A

So it looks like Maddison and I got Pedro to agree to work with us!! This is very very exciting. We can get Aimee to flip easily (even though she does keep going back on that promise) and have a majority. Assuming it goes as planned, Maddison and I will then have our pick of who to go to the final 3 with (Aimee or Pedro). I have felt 100% solid with Maddison from day 1 and we have made every single decision together. I don’t wanna be at the final 3 with anyone but her.

Aimee

All Maddison had to do was play her idol on Amy and Cody would of went home. Maddison was scared that Old Hanuha was lying to me again and that those 3 were voting Maddison and Pedro and I would be left out and vote Amy. I wanted to put Cody’s down but I knew it would of been rocks, four versus four vote.

Dang I wish I would of known about the idol sooner so I could of had Old Hanuha put the votes on Maddison and get Cody out that way. It would’ve been such a huge game move for me and Maddison that would have looked super great for the jury, and if Cody left this game would be wide open again. Also it would’ve been believable that Pedro ratted the vote out to Maddison instead of me so I could’ve hid behind that too and old Hanuha never would’ve known I told Maddison the vote. But I get it and Maddison was nervous it was her. We still have an opportunity to flip this on the next vote too. It just requires Pedro and the personal connection I have with him to flip with me. He will have to put personal things aside with Maddison and Olivia if he wants to be more than fourth or fifth in this game. He knows the best he can get here is fifth with them....he even told me this straight up. I wish I didn’t have to flip because I love these people but I know that Cody Najwah and Sarah are a final 3. And I’ve been wronged so many times before that it would be a nice little treat for Ben and everyone else hahahaha. Actually Sarah flipping would be great for her own game too but I’m not sure if she is really going to do that or just is waiting for the right moment to maybe flip with me and Pedro as well. It’s interesting with Sarah because it’s almost like we are both staring at each other waiting for the other to say we wanna flip. Wonder if we are thinking the same thing and maybe planning the same moves. Wouldn’t surprise me, Casanova 👑 has a really similar game to mine, even if it’s portrayed differently.

Aimee

Also, after listening to that podcast. WHOS THE TOP PISCES NOW, ZACK! https://64.media.tumblr.com/ce6ed38bc4ad9c69ee92e5e764c19e5e/tumblr_njj8unqiGl1sqbiv1o5_400.gifv

Sarah

From three days ago but I just got it to upload.... https://youtu.be/w5g35793Bkc

Sarah

From last night... https://youtu.be/IBPzYsGfIRU  Najwah I had a brain fart at the end of that game and I said something so ridiculous. I just want to bury my head in a mountain of blankets and sleep. 💀💀 What a fun game though I enjoyed it! But... Embarrassed for life. 

Aimee

https://rainbowkarolina.tumblr.com/post/616209748381122560/ I wore my jacket looking fancy for this immunity challenge. Too bad my mood was shit. Oh well. Congrats Cody!! 🥳🥳🥳 https://64.media.tumblr.com/b1324cd7cf8c621547f61c8cb20d5fda/eaeee04a03e6c254-72/s540x810/eaf80576f97d63015f9a99cffb28fe7b46e888cb.gifv

Najwah

No ones ever going to see that video again so let's write a better confession. Here's the thing, I am playing for fun at this point. After hearing and having time to listen to Zack's podcast, I realised how intense I was initially too. How I'd do anything to win. Whether it was stay up until 6am, avoid my job, accidentally stay without food, stay in bed, not call my parents for weeks, blindsiding James just to get to merge. I no longer feel stressed and angry. One thing I liked about Zack's podcast segment was that I have a whole new perspective on a lot of things right now. I'm here, in the fucking top 7. Never thought that would ever happen. I have made friends and gained so much from this. At some point in this game you get to a crossroads and you have to decide who you are. Are you a vicious blindsiding, backstabbing bitch or do you want to see your people WIN more than anything. Tonight Cody won immunity. He fucking deserved it. I'm so happy he can go spend time with his nieces and nephews and not worry about being a target. Me? Oh I'm burning to use my damn superidol so that I can at least try to win ONE immunity.

Everyone in the game right now has won individual immunity except Pedro and I. Which is funny bc I always thought of Pedro as a challenge beast. I miss Amy. I don't like not seeing her in this game. I've been thinking about how we left things all day. Why did she want me to vote her? Why did she trick me about the vote or was that just her protecting me? Either way, we played the same game at each other as our last play. The double decoy. I don't know if I mentioned this yesterday, but Amy wanted to vote Olivia out so that we could form a 4 person alliance with Pedro and Maddison. I've never spoken to Maddison ever. And Pedro is a loose cannon. I don't see how that would have ever worked. And she said our first play would be to get the strong players out: Cody, Sarah.. Like? In my opinion Maddison is the strongest player in the game. If Maddison were at the end, I wouldn't hesitate voting her in a heart beat. I didn't get how she wanted. To hide behind Maddison forever and not take control of her own game. I didn't get that she wanted Maddison out but whenever it came down to it, she would hesitate to get her out? She's told me every one of Maddison and Olivias advantages and idols etc. She's spilled so much tea while I've never told her anything negative about the people I'm working with because I didn't want them out? Ugh. I guess some day I'll ask her. If this were a real game of survivor perhaps I'd take Sarah or Aimee out, like I'd flip on them for a million bucks maybe coz they're strong players but as long as this is an online game ima be cheering everyone on bc this game is long and tough and we have been through things together, ya know? 

Olivia A

Just talked to Aimee about flipping to work with Maddison, Pedro, and me. She said she’s in for now but still wants to talk to og hanuha people and see their plan for this tribal. She still said that she realizes if she doesn’t flip all of our games (including hers) are done. So even thought she hasn’t given full agreement, I think we’re all solid on this. We are planning to vote Sarah out. I think this will completely turn the game around. I don’t wanna think too far ahead but I’m starting to see my trajectory to FTC pretty clearly. Don’t wanna speak too soon though so if I get voted out don’t hold this against me lol.

Pedro A

trying to break the trio...have a bad feeling about this tribal ....working with maddison and olivia isnt the best....i hope they dont lie AGAIN....at this point..if i get out....they are next...so its kinda dumb to vote....BUT IF I LOSE....i will scream ALELUIAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...cause damn im exhausted 

Aimee

This song is dedicated to Cody and his immunity win!!!!!🙌💚🖤 https://youtu.be/weRHyjj34ZE Sharika - Whenever, Wherever Our humor knows no distance 😻🌵🌈💞 😅I’m trying my damnedest to get Maddison and I as far to the end of this game as possible. So sorry about the confessional about me wanting the idol to work to get you out. https://64.media.tumblr.com/562258ad5eb14f6498ceff24aa8392e7/984582d2a107588c-d2/s540x810/1b6cf1576e95c3672122cfb7887ffd5a644d87da.gifv So I hope no hard feelings! I love that we can laugh over pop divas, gay culture and just life in general. 😂 We are gonna tear up the city as soon as we can hang out in person. I hope Texas and Ohio is ready for this! Olivia A

Pedro being so paranoid about Aimee’s commitment is getting frustrating. Since we brought this plan to him we’ve told him she’s 100% in she’s been talking about flipping forever and he still gets so nervous. I understand the paranoia bc it’s a big move but I wish he would listen to what we’re telling him and trust our intuition. That doesn’t really matter though bc tonight we are voting Sarah and it’s going to work! :) Oh also Maddison and I keep saving up coins to buy things that end up being nothing it’s getting really frustrating but oh well!

Pedro A

Sarrah says she wants to vote maddison...and now aimee..is trying to get me to vote...with maddison and olivia who want to take out sarah.....(i already know about the plan, i made the plan lmao)......somehow i feel like im the one GOING HOME TONIGHT

Maddison

I’m putting trust in someone that I never wanted to have to trust. Pedro, here’s to you bud.

Aimee

https://kasugano.tumblr.com/post/154832341580 Well I figured I would try! I will do everything in my power to keep Maddison here on Skype survivor island. https://rainbowkarolina.tumblr.com/post/612534208936755200/ I just keep losing one close friend after another in this game. I’ve honestly become numb to it at this point. I just see that light at the end of the tunnel. 2 weeks just 2 more weeks. I don’t plan on going to jury. I’m just so excited to finally reconnect with my people at the end. I’ll keep fighting like I’ve been doing since day 1. I feel like Maddison being voted out just kicked me into overdrive. The adrenaline is here and I’m ready for what’s to come next. This lady is strong and a fighter. https://rainbowkarolina.tumblr.com/post/613061232697753600/

Cody A

https://youtu.be/S8iY2_ho8-Y

#episodes