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sandwyrm · 4 years

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TL;DR melancholic rant on why I took the writing in WoW so badly this year just to get it all out and finish my fucking five stages of grief spin routine.

Gonna read more it, it’s probably gonna end up super long and unedited really so don’t feel obligated to read lol

I am one of those losers that has been with Warcraft for the whole 25 years. I watched the company grow from “check out this FULL GAME coming with this gaming magazine! it’s called Warcraft: Orcs and Humans!” to being the biggest MMO around and celebrating 25 years while the world is burning. And when I was younger, it was perfect. It had everything. Nice gameplay, cool and funny voices, decent graphics for its time, cool models, and it started having a story too. Perf!

I never got along well with my brother, but by the gods the only fond memories I have of him are centered around Warcraft. Watching him play WC1. Him teaching me to play WC2. Me playing WC3. Him leaving our abusive home to hide out in internet cafes, and my parents sending me to look for him, and us just staying in there for hours, me watching him play WC3. Fond memories of us getting our two toaster computers hooked up for LAN to play WC over it.

Then WoW came, and my brother first got us an US account - it was impossible to play cross-region back then, our lag was immense, in the thousand of ms on a good day. So then an EU account. First rolled on Sylvanas, one of the biggest servers back then, then on Twisting Nether. I would skip school just so I could play because my toaster wouldn’t run it, only my brother’s computer, so when he was at work I’d be skipping high school playing WoW (I did fine, don’t worry). I invested so much time into my vanilla account it’s surreal. I wouldn’t be shocked if I found out it has more /played than the rest of my life in the game. I met my ex on TN. I still have my vanilla account and characters on EU TN. The relationship with my ex doesn’t matter, it was abusive, toxic, I was a dumb optimist that stayed in it, doesn’t matter. He tried to get me to stop playing WoW. I still remember many instances when he went off on me for seeing me online, it’s 5 years since I broke up with him and like 8 since I stopped playing WoW with him and my heart still skips a beat when I get a whisper or hear the guild member login sound. It was that bad. He sure did his best to make me play the game only with him, “because he didn’t trust me and I would cheat on him through the game” - guys, if any of you are in this boat, please please please, put your foot down or break up. Your interests should be sacred and respected, as should be your entire person. But I digress.

Instead of breaking up, I went the mature route of buying a US license, and playing it while he was at work or I was visiting my parents. I rolled on a RP server for the first time ever, and it was probably the best decision of my life, so, gotta thank my abusive ex for that. I met many wonderful people, have many wonderful things on that account, and another 7 years of wonderful things on my EU account.

Then, the community itself. I hate it. Believe me, I hate the playerbase and fanbase of WoW with a burning passion. But at the same time, I have met amazing, wonderful, intelligent, friendly people I love and respect and wish the best for (if you’re reading this you’re part of this, yes, don’t let your brain trick you into thinking you’re a horrible person lol). This is another fun arc. I started in the cringe culture. OCs are lame, who makes OCs lol. Then I became, I make OCs and cringe culture can die. Same with characters, but it’s different there. Oh, so different.

See, I began by loving the obvious characters - Thrall, Jaina, Sylvanas, Tyrande, Malf, the works. I didn’t even like Garrosh much as his arc was unfolding - between the thing with my ex, quitting Cataclysm, changing regions and restarting, I didn’t really have a chance to dwell into him fully. He became a villain and I was all yeah okay. Iguess.jpg. I even wanted him out of the story at his peak edgelord moments because I liked Anduin more obviously. WoD was something I did not process almost at all because I was high on a cocktail of pain meds and post-partum depression and sleep deprivation. Legion was pointless bullcrap in my eyes on the main story factor, and I sort of enjoyed BFA until the whole Saurfang sucks Sylvanas fucks deal in the writer dept and fandom.

Deciding to finally read the novels I had missed out on, and reading War Crimes, was what propelled me into “hahahahahah these idiots actually acquitted Garrosh of crimes in this book? Are they for fucking real?” and actually realizing the entire arc was a complete mess, BFA is a mess, the writer dept is a mess, and suddenly, I had no footing to stand anymore. A spit in the face, and then it overlapped the Saurfang hErOiC sAcRiFiCe special edition. I sort of had a breakdown and I hid it behind “well Saurfang was hot lol now I don’t have my orc grandpa anymore” but it was deeper than that.

See, when we get into a setting, we have this selfish expectation that it will grow with us. That it will mature with us. Keep up with us. That we will always enjoy this setting, definitely not as starry eyed as we did as children, but that it will always be good. ATLA is a great example. Dragonlance is still good. Star Wars may be hammy and have tons of issues now as an adult, but it’s still good. But Warcraft was my lifeblood for 25 years. And to know that not only it did not grow with me, but it regressed beyond belief, destroyed me in a strange sense. Kind of like losing a friend, a family member. They didn’t just kill Saurfang for me, the setting died with him as far as I’m concerned. Because he was the last bastion of what interested me in it.

I am that weirdo that loves, loves, war movies and books. I devour them. That was part of my downfall, and the writers and fanbase of WoW so often make it feel like it is, somehow, MY FAULT (just like Garrosh getting backstabbed repeatedly was his fault I guess?) It feels like it’s my fault that I care about weird things like the Geneva Conventions, and the Paris Conventions, and so on and so forth. It feels like I’m the idiot for knowing basic military tactics and conventions. It feels like I’m the idiot for wanting WARcraft to, at all, even a little bit, bear any resemblance to real wars, to real military tactics, to genuine war stories with genuinely well written soldiers. In my folly and pride, I forgot it’s first and foremost, a fantasy setting, a simplistic one at that.

It insulted me these guys can’t even google what consists a war crime. It insults me to my core these guys paint the ONE (1) character who goes all “hey maybe.... weird concept but..... maybe not kill kids, or torture prisoners, or kill unarmed soldiers and civilians. Maybe show COMPASSION”, that this guy had to go. It also insults me the only other character who listened to him - Garrosh, yes - was written as the setting’s biggest fucking villain to this day, and it needed some real fucking propaganda and twisting of the OBJECTIVE narrative to get that to pass, and yet it successfully passed by so many, including myself years ago as it unfolded.

At this point, it’s insulting to see the same themes - mentally unstable or hurt people deserve to suffer and die, there is no happiness because happiness and happy endings are for toddlers, we are just edgelords jacking off to our self inserts, world isn’t fair because real world isn’t fair anyway kiddo grow up, and what the fuck is honor even we just make it up no? Also objective facts and lore? Fuck that who cares lmao.

Here’s the deal.

War stories NEED hope. I can handle watching a whole regimen be killed in brutal ways in war, because REAL war stories always leave you SOMETHING at the end that was worth the whole pain. In a REAL war story, perhaps Saurfang would have still committed suicide by proxy in front of everyone, but people around him would have actually then gone and maybe fucking went “you know what he was correct. Let’s write the Geneva Conventions.” In a REAL war story, it would have been handled so much better. And perhaps, in a REAL war story, he would have survived. With so much loss, so much pain, and yet - with HOPE. Hope, for HIMSELF, for the future. Not the generic bullshit hOpE they tried to write into him. yOu CaNt KiLL hOpE....... Yes, you can. You fucking can. By killing off the last fucking character in the setting that cared about actual military honor (not just the buzzword it is in this fandom and setting), the last fucking character that cared about tomorrow, about fighting for a better world. That’s how you kill hope. And in my eyes, they did so damn well.

Because I don’t want to sit around and be insulted for another 25 years that I’m the only idiot who expects tactics, honor, a good outcome, a hopeful ending. Because I have reached the point I hate being in this game only to hear sTrEnGtH aNd hOnOr when it literally means nothing. Because I reached a point I hate watching the double standards they apply to their precious babes while the minor characters get thrown under the bus for way less. Because I reached a point where the fandom trying to go all “but Alex, someone has to set a precedent for a war crime trial!” means jack shit when nobody ELSE has been tried for any war crimes AFTER Garrosh (which would’ve been PEACHY by the fucking way). Because I got to a point Blizzcon gave me goddamn anxiety every time someone IMed me to tell me an announcement, and I got to a point I blacklisted half the tags on tumblr because I walk in to read what my friends have been up to and some damn Discourse makes its way to my dash, only for me to find myself feeling stupid and in the wrong for liking Saurfang. Not even Garrosh, which I would admit is Problematic(tm) but goddamn Saurfang. Leave it to this setting and fandom for making me feel stupid and idiotic and in the wrong for loving the goddamn war movie protagonist.

And at the end of it all, after much debate, I don’t think I will quit the setting. Writers don’t care, about their lore, about their characters, about us. The other fans don’t care who they hurt with their edgy rhetoric, I sure as fuck didn’t when I was younger and dumber myself. I’m sure eventually the wound will close completely and I’ll dissociate again from the story and fanbase and enjoy the gameplay and my very wonderful friends. First step in that, just for me, is to not buy Shadowlands. The xpack after, perhaps, it depends. But just out of spite, I will be that one idiot who has a sub running but doesn’t give a +1 sale on Shadowlands. Just for myself.

Second step...? Who knows.... Who the hell knows what tomorrow will bring... This has indeed hurt worse than anything in my life. I have been going through the stages of grief - jokingly or seriously - since 8.2.5 now (and a whole load of 5 months of pure anger before that processing Garrosh’s arc from an objective standpoint). I cried more over the death of Saurfang (and the setting) than over my ex of 10 years leaving me as a single mom, or over all my other relationships combined. I’m not ashamed to admit that even if it’s cRiNgY. Like I said, it wasn’t just the death of one fictional character, but the death of a setting I loved and grew up with. The final acceptance that there is nothing left for me in the setting that shaped my interests, art, writing, and all that. That my interests have gone too far in other directions - optimism, actual war stories, good stories, being a mature individual, acknowledging mentally ill or divergent characters and not making excuses for author darlings. It’s a weird thing... Like the final acceptance that I have lost what could qualify as a dear friend or family member. While they are still alive and interacting with me daily. Like a breakup. But way worse. It is a pain I wish on noone honestly. But I do hope against hope, like an idiot, that other settings, other writers, future generations of writers, will do better. I know they won’t. But I’ll take my sliver of hope.

And if you read this far, I do genuinely hope the game - this game, any other interests - will keep bringing joy to you. And also, help yourself to a cookie. Thanks <3 I wish you a good day/weekend.

#salt #negativity

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kylorenpunk · 5 years

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Well I challenged @masonjar828 to do this ask meme like 200 years ago and he challenged me back but I’ve been busy so here we are.

200: My crush’s name is: don’t have one. men suck. 199: I was born in: Mickey Mouse’s lair aka Orlando 198: I am really: trying not to make a self deprecating joke rn 197: My cellphone company is: Not being disclosed bc I don’t need stalkers 196: My eye color is: brown 195: My shoe size is: 8. I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to be taller than I am bc of that shoe size 194: My ring size is: Uh no idea. Maybe 9? 193: My height is: Five foot three inches 192: I am allergic to: A couple of antibiotics but that’s it 191: My 1st car was: 1995 Honda Accord. RIP Goldeen. 190: My 1st job was: Technically I was an assistant for an occupational therapy clinic that paid me under the table. My first paid job was a pool attendant for a hotel. 189: Last book you read: My professor’s shitty textbook. 188: My bed is: currently unmade. 187: My pet: doesn’t exist. Bro is allergic to the entire animal kingdom 186: My best friend: I have multiple and love them all very much 185: My favorite shampoo is: Just recently bought a new shampoo from OGX (coconut curls I think?) 184: Xbox or ps3: xbox 183: Piggy banks are: Not a bad concept. I have upgraded to using mason jars to save money 182: In my pockets: Not wearing pockets atm. Usually I only carry my phone tho 181: On my calendar: Is a bunch of doctor’s appointments 180: Marriage is: Fantastic with the right person 179: Spongebob can: ??? do whatever he wants? idk what op was thinking 178: My mom: is great and shouldn’t have to deal with my shit 177: The last three songs I bought were? I haven’t bought music in over two years. Spotify is my life. 176: Last YouTube video watched: I watch so many a day that I forgot what I last watched. 175: How many cousins do you have? 5 on paternal side. 3 on maternal. But I’m hispanic so it’s def more than immediate family 174: Do you have any siblings? 1 and he’s a pain but I love him 173: Are your parents divorced? nope. fun fact. I used to think divorce was normal as a child and wondered when I would get a second set of parents. 172: Are you taller than your mom? No I’m like 4 inches shorter 171: Do you play an instrument? is mayonnaise an instrument 170: What did you do yesterday? future job training and watched my brother [ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight: Lust at first sight 168: Luck: kinda 167: Fate: sure 166: Yourself: a lot more than I used to 165: Aliens: why not 164: Heaven: in a way 163: Hell: sure 162: God: the catholic in me says yes 161: Horoscopes: yes and no 160: Soul mates: tough question. 21 year old me would have said yes. 23 me is on the fence. Maybe for other people but I don’t really believe it for myself. 159: Ghosts: I love ghost walks so I hope they’re real 158: Gay Marriage: Of fucking course 157: War: No 156: Orbs: Isn’t this the same as ghosts? 155: Magic: No [ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses: Either one has it’s benefits 153: Drunk or High: Never been high so I guess drunk 152: Phone or Online: they mean the same thing now 151: Red heads or Black haired: dark hair 150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunettes 149: Hot or cold: hot 148: Summer or winter: summer 147: Autumn or Spring: spring 146: Chocolate or vanilla: depends. rn I want vanilla 145: Night or Day: day 144: Oranges or Apples: oranges 143: Curly or Straight hair: doesn’t matter. I feel more myself with straight hair tho 142: McDonalds or Burger King: mcdonald’s 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: milk 140: Mac or PC: pc. Apple is a peice of shit. 139: Flip flops or high heals: heals 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: this is a weird question 137: Coke or Pepsi: depends on whether it’s a can, glass or on ice 136: Hillary or Obama: lol was this made in 2008 135: Burried or cremated: not sure. i wanna say burried tho 134: Singing or Dancing: I’m bad at both 133: Coach or Chanel: neither 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who 131: Small town or Big city: small town 130: Wal-Mart or Target: target 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: ben stiller 128: Manicure or Pedicure: pedicure. my hands never last 127: East Coast or West Coast: east 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: christmas bc I can see my family 125: Chocolate or Flowers: flowers 124: Disney or Six Flags: six flags despite the fact that i’ve never been 123: Yankees or Red Sox: I don’t give a shit about sports [ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War: dumb 121: George Bush: dumb 120: Gay Marriage: I’m hoping for a day where the LGBTQ+ community is no longer discrimated against 119: The presidential election: dumb 118: Abortion: No woman should be denied a right to abortion 117: MySpace: yeah this was made in 2008 116: Reality TV: dumb 115: Parents: great wonderful 114: Back stabbers: dumb 113: Ebay: useful 112: Facebook: kinda useful 111: Work: a necessity 110: My Neighbors: I don’t talk to them 109: Gas Prices: could be lower 108: Designer Clothes: I don’t care 107: College: a scam but education is worth it 106: Sports: depends on the sport 105: My family: great wonderful 104: The future: idk [ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone: yesterday 102: Last time you ate: when I started this thing 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: last month 100: Cried in front of someone: Two weeks ago 99: Went to a movie theater: going tonight 98: Took a vacation: three years ago. going soon tho 97: Swam in a pool: I don’t even remember. 96: Changed a diaper: never 95: Got my nails done: a year and a half ago 94: Went to a wedding: a year and a half ago 93: Broke a bone: never 92: Got a peircing: three years ago 91: Broke the law: probs when I was underage drinking 90: Texted: yesterday [ MISC ] 89: Who makes you laugh the most: all of my friends 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: free food and family 87: The last movie I saw: toy story 4 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: starting my career job 85: The thing im not looking forward to: taxes being taken out of my paycheck 84: People call me: Karina, Kari or Rina 83: The most difficult thing to do is: let go of someone in your life 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope 81: My zodiac sign is: cancer 80: The first person i talked to today was: no one. Update my boss just called lol 79: First time you had a crush: 1st grade lmao 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: myself 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: uh recently I think 76: Right now I am talking to: Romantic? no one Normally? No one lmao 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: I’m grown but I’m not disclosing my job on here 74: I have/will get a job: already have one 73: Tomorrow: I’m working 72: Today: I’m cleaning 71: Next Summer: No idea 70: Next Weekend: no idea 69: I have these pets: no I don’t 68: The worst sound in the world: styrofoam 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: my mother 66: People that make you happy: family and friends 65: Last time I cried: Thursday 64: My friends are: cool great wonderful 63: My computer is: working 62: My School: I’m graduated 61: My Car: I need to wash today 60: I lose all respect for people who: have no respect 59: The movie I cried at was: toy story 4 58: Your hair color is: brown 57: TV shows you watch: Sabrina, jane the virgin 56: Favorite web site: twitter 55: Your dream vacation: new york 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: wisdom teeth 53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium rare 52: My room is: a mess 51: My favorite celebrity is: chris evans 50: Where would you like to be: on vacation 49: Do you want children: yes 48: Ever been in love: three times. Ironically only one was with someone I actually dated 47: Who’s your best friend: I have multiple 46: More guy friends or girl friends: good mixture of both 45: One thing that makes you feel great is: makeup 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: a few 43: Do you have a 5 year plan: hell no 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: not a physical list 41: Have you pre-named your children: kinda 40: Last person I got mad at: no disclosing 39: I would like to move to: the smokey mountains 38: I wish I was a professional: MUA [ My Favorites ] 37: Candy: lifesaver gummies 36: Vehicle: hondas 35: President: obama 34: State visited: TN 33: Cellphone provider: ATT 32: Athlete: n/a 31: Actor: i can’t choose 30: Actress: cant choose 29: Singer: can’t choose 28: Band: currently little mix 27: Clothing store: rip charolette russe 26: Grocery store: publix is the only acceptable floridian answer 25: TV show: jane the virgin 24: Movie: high school musical 23: Website: twitter 22: Animal: meerkat 21: Theme park: busch gardens 20: Holiday: halloween 19: Sport to watch: soccer 18: Sport to play: none 17: Magazine: n/a 16: Book: eragon 15: Day of the week: friday 14: Beach: n/a 13: Concert attended: hannah montana? 12: Thing to cook: beans 11: Food: rice 10: Restaurant: taco bell 9: Radio station: n/a 8: Yankee candle scent: n/a 7: Perfume: anything fruity 6: Flower: rose? 5: Color: pink or blue 4: Talk show host: ellen 3: Comedian: n/a 2: Dog breed: black lab 1: Did you answer all these truthfully? wouldn’t you like to know

#ask meme #personal shit #why do i curse myself with these #sorry mason

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y-uyan · 5 years

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ip2 ep2

its ya boi back at it again with horrible commentary,,,,so im watching raws again so im not gonna know names at all (not gonna try cuz im gonna butcher it 🙈🙈) obviously theres spoilers so dont read until u watch it!!!

-this 70second ad is gonna kill me

-hahahah poor number 40 OOD boy comes out as a rapper right after yx’s spiel but DANG hes good :ooooo

-gonna keep an eye out for him,,,,hes probbly a B

-akskkakdkskdk will there be a riff b/w yx and jin???? i sense some tension 👀👀

-this group is cute they seem so playful im excited for their performance

-black gold plan??? thats what i hear i have mo clue im MOST LIKELY WRONG (as i am about everytjing ;;;;;;)

-okay they are bg project so im guessing it is blacl gold (okay i went back to annie and i’s convo and she mentioned black gold so now im sure its correct annie is a goddess)

-askkakskskkdkdmd their ALL D PREDICTION CAME TRU WHAT IS THIS SORCERY

-good look to them!!! im rooting for u guys

-AHHHH 82 LOOKS LIKE LUO ZHENG HAHAHAH im missing all my boys :’)

-HE LOVES ZHANG PD IM LOLOLOLOL

-JAKSKSKSKSSKKD WHY IS HE LIKE THIS OMG THIS FUCKING DORK AKSKSKKDKDKFKSKSKKDDKKDKD HE LPVES YX

-tol and smol this is so cute but i feel like they will both get Ds or Fs.....

-chen youwei is so excitable lololol and he gets so much screen time wow but i heard from a little birdie hes not that good 🙊🙊🙊

-AHSKSKKSKDKS LUO ZHENG 2.0 is a LOSER IM GONNA CRY I CANT TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY I REALLY CANT TELL

-慢慢考虑 IM- THIS BOY WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME

-WOW YAO MINGMING AND WEN YECHEN ARE V GOOD

-welp nvm,,,,i guess,,,im sensing some kind of pattern here i wonder what 🤔🤔

-JIAYI SHARING HIS DRINK 💕💕💕💕🙈🙈💕💕

-mr tyger x oaca 💖💖

-YAOCHI BEING EVERYONES CHEERLEADER HAHAHAH I LOVE!!!

-OH MAVRICKS!!!

-OKAY GORL STRAIGHT UP TOOK THIS PIC TO BE LIKE WOOWOWOW HANDSOME TRIANGLE BERMUDA OF GOOD LOOKS

AND UPON FURTHER INSPECTION

LOOK AT ALL THESE HANDSOME MEN MHM

I CANT STOP LAUGHINGggggg

-MRX OMG IM GONNA CRY I MISS MY BOYS SO MUCH HAKEKSKSKDKKF my lil fox 🦊🦊🦊

-THAT HARMONIZATION THO THIS ACAPELLA GROUP!!!!

-yaochi is such a baby 😭😭😭 his face does NOT match his personality his trembling ;;;;i wanna hold him

-guan yue is cute ive been seeing his face every 3 minutes during these eps he has a likable face

-i hope they do well!!! thats was really fun! i think they both did p well 🙏🙏🙏

-OUR FIRST A?????

-nope

-this is a fricken meme now smh im guessing li wenhan will probbly get an A

-GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ man theres no A

-FINALLY LI WENHAN IVE BEEN WAITING yuehua makes me think of all our dumb boys

-HAHAHHAHAH hes scary!!!! hes like a scary older brother

-wow this really makes me miss them :(((((( i need to keep up with nine percent :(((( and wang yibo

-HE FRICKEN GOT A B R U KIDDING ME

-HES FRICKEN ALERGIC TO GOVING As whats gOInG ON????!?!!!

-im done for tn cya all tmr this is too much for my heart and its like 2:45am 🙃🙃🙃

#idol producer 2 #idol producer season 2 #my reaction once again #yall didnt say u hated it #so im back to annoy once more

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