#i havent gone to college yet and the idea of starting is very scary. im not even sure if its the right path for me

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Okay uh how do you prepare for an interview that's not like, your basic interview. This isn't a Walmart or McDonald's interview, with the same basic questions online that anyone can access. This is an important interview and I don't know how to prepare because there aren't example questions online. I had an interview for this organization last year, different branch tho, but my memory is a disaster so I can't really remember anything. Plus, that interviewer and this interviewer have very different energies. AND I have a different interview for that same organization, just a different branch, coming up too.

I made that confusing.

I'm applying for an organization with branches all over. Last year I interviewed for the California branch, but I can't remember much of it. On Monday I have an interview for a Pennsylvania branch, and on Wednesday an interview for... I can't remember where it is tbh.

The Pennsylvania one is the one that I really really want, so it scares me that it's the first one up. Do you know how long it's been since I've interviewed for a job? It's been *tries and fails to count months* idk like a year? And that was for Starbucks. Customer service jobs all recycle the same questions. "Tell me about a time you delegated. Tell me about a time you dealt with a difficult situation. If a customer was dissatisfied with their order, what would you do to fix it?" And at this point in time, customer service jobs are barely asking any questions. At one of my last jobs he just asked about my previous work experience, why I wanted to work there, how long I was looking to work there, he gave me a tour, asked if I wanted to work there, I said yes, I was hired on the spot.

I had an interview at one Starbucks and she told me they weren't really hiring (idk why she gave me an interview but it was still nice), but we talked about my ambitions and hobbies, which was lit, I found out the interviewer is gay, and I got a free drink. Then she recommended me to a different Starbucks in the area, which actually asked me those normal basic questions, I got a free drink, and I was hired on the spot. Those were my latest interview experiences.

I'm a little hopeful for my interview on Monday though. In the email, the interviewer said "I'd like to find a time to have a conversation with you as an "interview"" and since he phrased it like that I'm hoping that it'll be more like my first Starbucks interview, which is easy.

Idk I think I really want that job. It's a huge opportunity but also a huge commitment. It'd be a year, across the country from where I currently live. It sounds like an amazing opportunity for me. Last year when I applied I asked an old teacher to be a reference, and she said that it seemed like the opportunity and I were made for each other. Plus, this location is just an hour away from my sibling.

This post became a lot longer than I thought I would. Interview on Monday. Different interview on Wednesday. I don't know how to prepare for either. I really want the job. I am full of so much anxiety.

#I'm getting the anxiety shakes #Monday is going to be horrific #i have to wake up early (like 7:30am but normally Monday is a day i get to sleep in) #because the interview is at 9 and i have to do the interview over Google Meet #and i don't have wifi so i have to go to the local coffee shop to steal their wifi. i have to do this damn interview in a busy coffee shop #after that i need an emissions test. the place only does tests from 10 to noon #so after the interview i have to skedaddle to get an emissions test so i don't get pulled over again because my test is four months overdue #then i have to go so work!! i have to work from 3-11pm after all of that!! #i think i might actually die #seriously how do i prepare for this. i couldn't really prepare for the one last year either #i think i just showed up and hoped for the best #idek if i got hired because at the end she told me to email her within like two days if i changed my mind about working there #and i decided i didn't want to work there yet. so idek if i did well enough there to get hired #but now I'm pretty serious about wanting to work there. its terrifying but i think itd be good for me #i havent gone to college yet and the idea of starting is very scary. im not even sure if its the right path for me #but because i dont have any college it means that my aspirations are severely limited and kind of always will be #so im stuck in fast food and i hate it. i want to do something bigger with my life #this is something bigger and it doesnt require a college education #there are decent opportunities for someone without a college education but theyre. idk how to describe it #but things like americorps. ive looked into doing americorps which i dont really need college for. same with this opportunity #idk. im just trying to find something right for me. a job that doesnt suck my soul out. a job i can love #i dont want to feel stuck anymore. i want to have a purpose. but that purpose is a little harder to come by for me #i asked my current boss to be a reference and he said 'are you asking me to be a reference for a job thatll take you away from here?' #i replied 'is it really a job if i dont really get paid?' and he said 'fair enough' #i think he took that to mean that i would still work at this job. thats why i was vague. i dont want him to know i might be leaving yet #if i left it would be late January. hopefully he wont know im leaving until two weeks before i leave #im so nervous. is this even what i want? ill have to give up so much for it. and what if i dont get it? ill still be stuck here #im terrified. wish me luck. or dont. im not sure yet

[emperor-lover]

hello! can I request for college! au jihoon ?

hello! of course you can~ here you go! im not used to writing for idols who are younger than me so hopefully it’s ok hahaa… (btw go read my Minki college!au if you havent yet, because im real proud of it woohoo) - I’ve edited it so no more typos woohoo

Park Jihoon College!AU

So there’s this guy in your lecture hall

And he sits in a spot a few rows down and to the right from you

so if you tilt your head slightly he’s in your perfect line of vision

he’s someone who’s always caught your eye because he’s literally so good looking???

and he looked super familiar but you can’t put a finger on why

in lectures he’s always taking down notes and listening intently to the lecturer

he sits with a couple of his friends and they all seem like a nice bunch of pals

y’know, the typical joking around, slapping each other on the backs, fist bumps, the stuff you see in stock photos and teen movies

and he has the nicest smile??? like wow this boy was blessed with some photogenic wonders that do not come by easily in this world

after a lecture one day you’re packing up your stuff and filing out of the room with everyone else, when you realise you left your jacket on the back of the seat you were sitting at

you trudge up the steps quietly to get where you had been sitting when you notice two girls, one of them giggling away whilst pushing the other up to the cute guy who’s still joking round with his mates

“Um…Jihoon?”

He pauses and turns to look at her

his facial expression is still smiling, waiting for her to continue speaking

“Would I be able to talk to you…in private?”

Jihoon’s friends are all like :o and trying to warn the girl with their expressions that this is not a good idea

and you’re a bit taken aback by how sharp his gaze has turned

it’s kinda scary, like he’s still smiling, but his eyes are cold

“anything you say to me, I’ll tell them anyway, so you might as well tell me in front of them”

the girl and her friend are taken aback, but she still manages to stutter out a confession

Your heart goes out to the poor girl, it’s takes a lot of courage to confess to your crush

you’re kinda amazed by the events unfolding in front of you so you squat down behind the seats to see what will happen next

You swear Jihoon just rolled his eyes???? wow rude 

He folds his arms across his chest “i don’t think you’d like me very much if you knew what I’m really like”

The girls just shakes her head, not wanting to take no for an answer but he cuts her off mid rebuttal

“anyways, im not interested in dating you. You can go now.” 

The girl’s friend quickly grabs the girl’s hand and pulls her out of the room before the waterworks starts and you hear Jihoon sigh in relief

Woweeee what a jerk

you’re surprised, because he seems like such a warm individual with his friends and from what you’d seen of him

his friend Woojin nudged his shoulder, “Jihoon, that must’ve been the 6th confession you’ve got since the semester started…”

Woojin had actually gone to the same high school as you, and although you weren’t close, you knew him as a warm and funny individual

So after what you just saw happen, you were surprised to see that him and Jihoon were so close

“I don’t get why they keep confessing to me, I’m not interested in dating right now, I thought I made that clear.”

he runs his hand through his hair, and your heart speeds up a bit

like ok he’s a jerk but he’s a good looking one

You realise you’ve been sitting there for a while now and you remember that you were meant to be on your way to your next lecture

You try to sneak out the back entrance without disturbing the guys’ conversation

but lol you trip

of course

out of all times to trip

you trip now

good job, you get an A+ for stealthiness 

And Jihoon and Woojin’s heads snap up to where you’re sprawled out on the stairs

and you make eye contact with Jihoon who’s staring at you with this look that can only be described as annoyed curiosity

Suddenly you realise where you recognise him from and before you can stop yourself, you hear your own voice echoing through the lecture theatre

“hey, you’re Wink Boy….”

There was this guy in all the commercials promoting your college, and the ending clip of him winking had highkey gone viral - hence “wink boy”

Like people were fangirling over him and coming to the college 

it was one powerful af wink

Jihoon sighs and looks like he’s about to say something but you haven’t finished talking

“….thought you’d be nicer, but guess not…”

Woojin starts snickering hysterically in the background, he’s surprised you’re talking back to Jihoon because you were always super nice when you went to school with him

Diverting your attention to Woojin you gave him a cheery wave, “hey Park Woojin, good to see you”

“Y/N, good to see you too! how long were you listening there for?” 

As you make small talk with Woojin, you notice Jihoon getting crankier by the minute.

First you insult him, then you ignore him completely as if nothing happened? 

“See ya later boys, don’t break anymore girls’ hearts”

And you left the pair with a blinding smile, flicking you hair behind your shoulder as you headed off to your next lecture (playing it cool, make them forget you just tripped over)

“Who was that?”

“Oh, that’s Y/N, I went to high school with them.”

Jihoon nods, deep in thought “…she’s pretty.”

Over time, you didn’t really have that many interactions with Jihoon

you’d still admire his good looks from afar in your lectures,

and your crush on him was still the same

but it didn’t really affect you that much that he didn’t spare a glance your way so you just kept living your life peacefully

or so you thought

Jihoon pestered Woojin about you, and how you two knew each other

poor poor woojin

Jihoon also hadn’t been going to all the lectures recently, and you were kinda like oh well, guess i don’t have any excuse to be distracted in lectures anymore

then one day it was time. 

time for good ol’ group projects woopdedooo…the true cupid but also kills friendships lmao

so far you’ve had good group project experiences so you’re excited to see the new faces you’ll be working with for the next few weeks

“Squish over will you?”

that is, until you look up and see that Jihoon has come over and is standing next to the table you’re at

“eh? Wink boy, what are you doing here?”

“What do you mean? I’m in this group too.”

Everyone in the group was stoked that Jihoon was in their group because he always had some of the highest grades in the class and whenever he was in a group, they always got super good marks.

Like the lecturers and markers always love Jihoon and will give him good marks for his presentations 

and you knew he was capable, because you had been talking to a freshman called Lai Kuanlin who was getting tutored by Jihoon

But for some reason, you were struggling to believe it all now because for the past 3 meet ups, Jihoon’s sole focus had been on his phone

Usually you’d have the meetings at Jihoon’s dorm, because it was on the uni campus and that meant he wouldn’t have much of an excuse not to be there

But just the fact he never contributed any thoughts or ideas was starting to get on your nerves

The epitome of the “I’ll let you guys do all the work” member of the group

Everyone was too wary or polite to say anything but you could tell it was starting to get tense

One day after a meeting you tapped his arm as he slung his backpack over his shoulder

“Jihoon, can I talk to you for a sec?”

“What is it?”

“Is there something going on? You barely say 3 sentences in each meeting we have for this project…”

He opens his mouth to say something, and you wait for a response but he stays quiet

You can tell he’s hiding something but it’s not like he’s going to tell you his secrets anytime soon, so you just shrug and sigh

“Look, I know we didn’t exactly get off on the right foot, but can you at least put some effort into the project for the others? I don’t think it’s fair that everyone else is trying so hard and you’ve done nothing”

You head towards the door, but Jihoon grabs your arm

“Y/N-”

“make sure you send all the stuff you’ve done to me by tomorrow otherwise we’re all going to fail, and i’m not letting that happen”

Jihoon just nods at you and you look into his eyes, trying to decipher what’s going on in his head

“You know you can talk to me right? I’m not going to judge you.”

“I…I’m…never mind”

You didn’t want to push further so you just nodded and headed off home leaving Jihoon in a daze. There weren’t many people he had met at college who genuinely cared about people like you did.

However, even though you were holding back as much as possible, you had been delegated the role of putting everyones work together and submitting it

So when it was the day before the deadline, and Jihoon still hadn’t sent his work through to you….

you just snapped, storming over to his dormitory and knocking roughly on the door

“Jihoon, open up! It’s Y/N”

Standing outside for another couple of minutes you figured that he must not have been home and you were about to head off when you saw him round the corner 

“Y/N? what are you doing here?”

“The project? You haven’t sent me your things yet, and you havent been replying to any of my messages”

“You sent me messages?” He took his phone out of his pocket, gulping nervously when he saw the list of missed calls and unread texts.

“Look I can explain, do you want to come in first?”

He opened the door to his dorm and ushered you inside, before you can answer

“Last month, I was scouted by a company to become an idol….”

Recently, he had been training non-stop, which explained why you hadn’t been seeing him in all your lectures like usual

He’d get home late, have no time to work on anything or relax

And the company trainee contract meant that he wasn’t allowed to tell anyone about his training and he still had to attend as much college as possible

As Jihoon explained his situation, you saw the exhaustion on his face and how genuine he was explaining himself

You sat down next to him, getting your laptop out of your bag

“Well, it’s called a group project for a reason, I can give you a hand”

“No, it’s fine really, I’ll get my part done and send i through to you ASAP, you can go.”

“And risk you falling asleep halfway through and not meeting the deadline, no way.”

You end up working all the way through the evening, stopping briefly to wander to the kitchen to make some coffee

Woojin was there making something to eat and he looked up at you in surprise

“Y/N? What are you doing here?”

“Oh I’m working on the group project with Jihoon, we’re a bit behind schedule”

Woojin looked disappointed, “Is that all? Jihoon hasn’t told you anything…interesting?”

You raise an eyebrow in confusion, “interesting? Oh you mean how he’s a trainee?”

“Yea-! wait no! He told you that he’s a trainee?” 

“Yeah, it explains why he hasn’t been at lectures”

“Ah never mind that, there was something else he’s been wanting to ask you!” Woojin giggles, “Jihoon’s a good guy, just give him a chance alright.”

“A chance for what?”

“I said too much, never mind” 

You shake your head, not too sure what Woojin was going on about, but you took the two coffees and headed back to Jihoon’s room

Closing the door behind you were about to ask Jihoon to decipher what Woojin had just said when you noticed him fast asleep at his desk

Setting down the coffee gently on a coaster you sighed.

This was probably the first time he slept in a while judging by his under eye bags

You walked slowly to his bed, and grabbed the fluffy blanket, placing it over him

You took in his appearance as you stood looking over him

He looked so relaxed when he was asleep, so different to the cold stare he had given that girl who confessed to him during your first encounter

His eyelashes are long and they flutter gently whenever he inhales, his body rising and falling steadily with each breath

You tear your eyes away from him and back to your laptop screen, trying to snap yourself out of the daze, you have to finish this project by tonight

It’s only moments later when you realise that you’ve also drifted off into a slumber

The feeling of something soft is over your shoulders, and you realise the blanket has moved from its owner and is now covering you

It smells like Jihoon though and you find yourself closing your eyes again relaxing in the warmth

—Wait. You fell asleep? 

Your eyes flicker open just in time to see Jihoon printing out sheets of paper and stapling everything together

You glance at the clock and you swear your eyes are playing tricks on you when it reads 3AM

“When did I fall asleep??”

Jihoon is startled by your voice, causing him to drop the stapler he was holding

Both of you reach down to grab it, bumping heads at the same time

You both pull back rubbing your heads in pain, before looking at each other and bursting out into giggles

He looked at the clock, “You probably fell asleep a couple of hours ago, I finished the rest of it and printed everything out so don’t worry. It’s really late though so I should’ve woken you up earlier, I’m sorry.”

You shook your head, “It’s my fault! I shouldn’t have fallen asleep. But seeing as you’ve finished everything, I should probably head home now.”

“W-wait! Let me walk you home at least”

You were taken aback, but it was late, so you figured better be safe than sorry.

You only realised how cold it had gotten as you stepped outside and the air hit you

You shivered slightly, your cardigan wasn’t doing a great job at keeping you warm

Jihoon looked over at you as you walked together, noticing that your teeth were chattering

He reached into his pocket, and handed you his handwarmer

“Take it.”

You look at him in surprise, “Oh I’m fine really, we’re nearly at my place anyway.

“Just take it.” He places the handwarmer gently but firmly into the palm of your hand

The dim street lights make it hard to tell but you swear can see faint traces of a blush on Jihoon’s face

“Y/N, your hands are freezing?!”

You shrug, “it’s just bad circulation, i’ll be fine with the handwarmer, thank you”

Jihoon shakes his head in concern before grabbing both your hands in his

His hands are warm and soft against yours and you blush at the close proximity

He brings your hands up to his face and slowly breathes onto them, the warm air hitting them

It’s a sweet gesture and you’re getting even more flustered because who wouldn’t want their longtime crush to do something like this

You tried to divert your attention to something else, so you started up another conversation

“Oh, so Woojin was telling me that you had something interesting to tell me?”  

“Oh um.” Jihoon lets go of your hands and scratches the back of his head awkwardly

You’re a bit sad at the sudden lack of warmth of his hands round yours but you just ignore the feeling

“Must be something juicy, what is it? Do you like someone?”

Jihoon’s eyes widen, and you realise you hit the nail on the head.

Your heart sinks a bit but you force a smile on your face, “ah how sweet, what are they like?”

He takes a deep breath, eyes practically glazing over as he speaks, “she’s beautiful, and kind and has the most breathtaking smile…”

You nod silently, glad that your house is literally only a few more steps away

“and also..well…you’d probably know better than me.” Jihoon stops walking, making you pause mid step. 

“Uh….hmmm, is it Sohyun? oh, wait, what about Jaehee? Am I right? Yes? No?”

He’s looking directly at you, his stare burning straight through you. “You really have no idea who I’m talking about….”

You’re literally so confused, trying to think of everyone in your class.

“For someone as bright as you, you’re quite slow on the uptake aren’t you?”

Next thing you know, Jihoon has reached over to you and pulled you to him

His lips are sweet on yours and your mind is racing as his arms embrace you gently

You can feel his heart hammering quickly against his chest under your palm and you can feel your own heartbeat pounding in your ears

When you pull apart, both of you are too shy to make eyecontact and you splutter out a goodnight

you reach up and give him a quick peck on the cheek before zooming inside your house, immediately resting against the door as soon as it closes behind you

A few minutes later your phone chimes and you pick it up tentatively

It’s a text from Jihoon. 

From: Park Winkboy:Hope you sleep well tonight and I’ll see you in the morning. Thanks for helping me out with the project.

You smile gently, and you’re texting a reply when your phone chimes again

From: Park Winkboy:P.S. I really like you 

i can totally picture college Jihoon embracing his dorm!jihoon self and going full tsundere mode lol - This is so long tho omfg when did i become winkboy trash.  

#anon #jihoon #park jihoon #wanna one #wanna one imagine #wanna one scenario #wanna one fanfiction #wanna one au #jihoon scenario #park jihoon imagine #park jihoon college!au #produce 101 #produce 101 imagine #produce 101 scenario #produce 101 oneshot #produce 101 fanfiction #edited

[seleniumd]

random health stuff, just me typing it all out bc it seems to help. hopefully a few months from now this will all be a thing of the past. 

ok so i’ve been doing lots of research in hopes of figuring out what is wrong me. i’m not trying to self diagnose, but at least get an idea as i wait for a doctors appointment. plus, research is the only thing that seems to keep me from freaking out when i experience these things. i’ve been dealing with 2 main issues for at least 3 years now. 1) extreme fatigue after eating & 2) random heart palpitations.

as far as the fatigue after eating, it makes sense for it to be sugar related? I mean, i deal with it EVERYDAY. its the reason i dont eat out/at school etc etc. I only eat real meals at home because I know I’ll feel horrible afterward but I can at least drag myself to my bed and lay down. It’s much more than the typical ‘yum that was a good meal i want a nap’ no this is more like ‘hi leave me on the couch to die see yall later’ lol. it’s sooo bad and It’s always after eating, typically after my first meal. I wake up fine, go have breakfast and bam, i feel like crap.

so for breakfast, i just have a banana. i tend to be fine after that (explains my obsession with bananas. i can eat it and not feel like im dying) but if i were to have a sandwich later for lunch? #dead

it makes me feel like the only way ill get better is if i completely change my eating habits? i dont eat super unhealthy or anything, but at this point it seems like i wont be ok until i just eat fruits and veggies all the time. i’ve considered it being a sugar issue, like diabetes/hypoglycemia and such.

anyway, one solution ive thought of is exercise. i live a very sedentary lifestyle and thats horrible!! i’m extremely skinny but that doesnt mean i’m healthy, i need to get some cardio into my life.

and that brings me to my next issue. the heart palpitations. i’m afraid to work out and purposefully raise my heart rate because what if the palpitations begin? i can go from resting to my heart jumping up to the 140′s, so what would happen if i were working out and then it started? 

with the most recent incident i had come home from a long day at school. once again, i usually dont eat much when im out bc it leads to me feeling so fatigue and dead. all i ate at school was some candy and a bag of lays. when i got home i went to go share some dinner and someone in the house yelled something out which seemed to frighten me horribly bc my palpitations started instantly. instantly! and ive dealt with it for years now, i stopped going to the hospital for it. i usually just shake it off and walk around to try to ignore it. but this time it was bad. it just felt so weird. ngl, i did shed a few tears but its such a scary thing to go through. it sucked bc i had always just dealt with it but this time it was just so intense. i did go to the hospital bc it wasnt getting better and i was getting really anxious about it, which doesnt help my heart thats already beating through the roof. when i got there my blood pressure was super high, heart rate super high as well and my ekg did come back abnormal. my potassium level was really low. this genius hospital gave me potassium to raise it back up, but never took blood again to check to see if it had actually gone back up. it was so low you’d think they would keep an eye on it and make sure i dont die but ok. idek what caused me to have such low potassium. maybe because i hadn’t really eaten much that day? the abnormal ekg and low potassium are pretty significant, but no one ever looked into it seems and thats annoying. i’m over the hospital trips, im looking forward to finally seeing a doctor in an office who will really look into everything and help.

there’s been times after simple garden work or bike riding and i just feel crappy. ill take a shower afterword and experience a few heart skips etc etc. it’s scary and it makes me not want to do anything, but at the same time i feel like that makes it worse. the less i move is the more out of shape my heart gets.

as far as whats causing it, idk. i’ve had 2 echo’s done which come back good. thank god. my most recent EKG was abnormal though, but finally, after months, i have an appointment with a cardiologist coming up. this also makes me not want to exercise until then. i feel like i should play it safe and wait.

i’ve considered it being the vagus nerve and anxiety (which doesnt make much sense. yes i am an anxious person, but i never experience the palpitations when im actually nervous. it tends to happen when im completely chill and OK).

the doctor said it could be a wiring of the heart thing, so i should be seeing the electrophysiologist. 

so yeah. this post is probably long af but it doesn’t matter. i’ve been dealing with this stuff for years and its so frustrating. its not something i really sit down and vent about, so just typing it all up really distracts me from the situation and makes me feel ok. its getting even more frustrating bc im 18, in college and i have to turn down so many opportunities because im afraid of going out and having to deal with this. i cannot live my life until this stuff is resolved and im so excited to just figure it out. i just need to hear that im going to be just fine. if i could hear that, it’d be like starting over. i’d start getting active and not have to be scared and all that.

based on the good echos and the fact that i havent died yet i feel like it shouldnt be anything major. i just wanna get to the bottom of it.

#personal #health #heart palpitations #fatigue #ill prob delete this later