#i have wayyyyyy more but im only gonna do the pretty ones

[andrrrgynous]

random cassettes from my collection 3/?

beach bunny - blame game ep 

#i have wayyyyyy more but im only gonna do the pretty ones #cassette #beach bunny #blame game #ep

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Alright, today Ive read chapters 9-12 and honestly, at a certain point reading this book while knowing all the spoilers stops being frustrating and starts just being funny. Like, Ianthe brings up the fact that people are gonna want to kidnap Feyre for "breeding" to which Tamlin says that no one is gonna dare do that to Prythian's Saviour because then theyll be on the shitlist of the other six courts, but Ianthe says that Rhysand could and would do it because hes The Most Powerful(tm) and hes really manipulative and yeah. shes right. Obviously I know this is gonna be treated as unreasonable and as foreshadowing of Ianthe being evil all along, but shes totally right

Anyway, Rhysand continues to be unbearably annoying but not in any particularly interesting way, so I dont really have anything to say about him. I hate how hes so powerful that six courts all working together would be no match for the night court and he comes across as sooooo insincere. Like, I often talk about not being the biggest Feylin fan because its pretty boring to me, but atleast it was like, sweet because of how genuine and endearingly awkward Tamlin was

Speaking of Tamlin, guess who just keeps getting worse and worse? I had some hope for him when he reduced the guards and gave Feyre more freedom, but then he doubled them again and he did that thing with the barrier around the manor so yeah. Now, if I wanted to be a pedantic asshole I could point out that he listened to Feyre (who managed to very clearly tell him what she needs at the moment, freedom, which was great) and they were doing fine until Rhysand came back, but as much as I would like to blame Rhysand for everything, Tamlin's actions are still his own. And honestly, I find Tamlin keeping any guards around Feyre after what she told him very unreasonable

I think keeping Feyre safe has become a coping mechanism for him because he couldnt protect her from Amarantha back then so now hes trying his best to protect her from Rhysand (and others, but mostly him rn) who was essentially Feyre's very own Amarantha, and obviously its not his fault that thats a coping mechanism he developed, but it is actively making Feyre upset and making it more difficult for her to heal as well, and hes the older one in this situation, hes the guy whos dealt with intense trauma before, he should be listening to her and giving her space

The only thing where I'll kinda take Tamlin's side is him locking her in the manor when he was going to the western border and Feyre wanted to follow them, but even then the force field was way too much. But also, to me it very much seemed like he and Lucien were in a hurry to leave and it was a very hasty spur-of-the-moment decision, but also it felt like the narrative was trying to demonise him more by impling that it was more of a calculated decision. Like, idk thats the vibe that Lucien explaining to Feyre that everyone but her could pass through the shield gave me, but that might just be a personal thing. I mean, Tamlin is clearly being demonised here either way, him being so unreasonable is something that I find very OOC even with the recent trauma hes experienced. But, theres a lot of buts in this paragraph i know, I do also want to acknowledge that Feyre would likely not have wanted to go with Tamlin to this conflict-zone if he had listened to her wayyyyyy earlier and not doubled the guards again. I recognize this kind of behaviour because I also felt like I had no agency over my situation in the past and Im also a very stubborn person, and it lead to me also doing more and more reckless things in an attempt to make the people around me actually listen, and make them understand how serious I was about getting out of the situation that was upsetting me

(In case youre worried, Im completely fine now and Im leaving out a lot of detail for the sake of my privacy and so I can draw a cleaner parallel)

Speaking of Feyre's agency, chapter 12 ended with her having a panic attack because she was trapped and then Mor and Rhysand showed up and Alis just gave them to her??? First of all, insane behaviour, second of all, I hate that Rhysand is meant to be the choice guy or whatever but wont wait for her to come of her own volition. I think it wouldve been better if she had that panic attack and it ran its course and then she either called for Rhys or Mor or managed to winnow to the night court herself and thats how she got there. Also, and this is part of the same issue, I hate that Rhys is the one who originally forced her to read. I think at some point Feyre shouldve realised that all the people in the spring court are withholding information from her but!, she realises that they write shit down sometimes and exchange messages and whatnot so knowing how to read could really help her here and maybe she even thinks about Rhysand taunting her about teaching her UTM, so next time shes at the Night Court she demands that she be taught how to read herself

Because honestly, right now it seems like she has the same amount of agency no matter what court shes in, which is basically none

I was gonna end it on that snappy one-liner, but then I remembered all the stuff with Feyre losing weight and how Rhys remarks upon it and how Feyre notices herself getting thinner as well and I dont have that much to say about it, I just wanted to say that it just made me incredibly uncomfortable

But yeah, now Im done for realsies

#anti acotar #anti acomaf #anti rhysand #anti feysand #tamlin critical #flames and darkness liveblog

[photiniainsummer]

it’s late and i’m awake so it’s thought-having time

i will say as fun as iswm is, i am really disappointed with mark’s attitude toward storytelling. this isn’t just me being butthurt about no real lore expansion or anything, but as a writer, it’s frustrating to see how he approached dropping hints when he clearly had no intention to follow through

(sorry for no cut im on mobile 💙)

like leaving clues and leads and references to a much larger narrative throughout the whole first part only to basically throw them in the garbage in the second is just poor storytelling. also his attitude of legitimately pointing and laughing at us for thinking there would be something more when HE HIMSELF made it clear in the story that THAT was where he was going?

that’s not a plot twist, that’s just... pointless. and it’s even kind of mean, if i am completely honest - it makes the audience feel stupid for picking up on the very clues that you laid out, sir. what is the point of making the references if you didn’t wanna do anything with them? just to bait and switch us? cause it’s… funny???? what about just WRITING A STORY that you’re proud of!!

now this isn’t me saying that everything mark does needs to be about THE LOOOOORE - first of all, wkm and the plot/characters/references are HIS he can do as much or as little as he wants with them!

he should ALSO be allowed to do entirely different projects without everyone roping them into a grander narrative, too. i cannot imagine the kind of pressure or expectation i’d feel if everyone was only paying attention to what i made if it was in one specific little universe or storyline - mark deserves to create as he chooses without us demanding it be a certain way.

that being said. a basic tenant of writing is following through. if you’re gonna reference a bigger frame narrative, you gotta DO something with that! what, you just lied about what was apparently a major guiding plot point??

it’s just kinda disappointing and doesn’t totally make sense why references are there in the first place. in fact, they kinda detract from the story of space itself, if they go nowhere. sure, he explains that these are all echoes of that story reoccurring in this universe because everything’s gone pear-shaped — but why is it echoing in the first place? why does that story echo so much LOUDER than any other, that it bleeds through so strongly? not making these references (if he wasn’t going to explain them in-story) would have left wayyyyyy more room for the plot of space to breathe, to more clearly reveal the paradox as it unfolded, and to give the payoff at the end that resolving it deserved. i mean, hell, if anyone noticed that our cryopod screen at the very end said INVINCIBLE and not INVINCIBLE II, i will eat my hat. there’s not even a frame-perfect look at the screen! there’s no room for the fact we ACTUALLY FIXED the paradox we weren’t truly aware of until the very end to really land!

anyway. i think i just mostly feel like that space was super ambitious, and really impressive in what it tried to weave together. mark tried to balance lore references to feed the audience he’s cultivated while ALSO trying to do something much larger and grander. unfortunately, he ended up kind of hamstringing telling a new story by focusing too much on the old. which ends up making both, ultimately, kind of unsatisfying. i’m just gonna say… you shouldn’t have to do a massive explainer video for the plot of your movie a week after it airs - people should largely understand the story watching it the first or second time through. it can still be convoluted and as complicated as the bootstrap paradox is, but it won’t ultimately hit home as hard as it could if you don’t set it up and pay it off pretty carefully

and one last time - this isn’t to say mark SHOULDN’T have tried to rope the lore in. hell, it has super fun implications for the grand scheme of things (WHY is this story echoing so massively through the multiverse that randos end up repeating its hallmarks?). it ALSO isn’t to say that anyone who enjoyed it is wrong or dumb or anything like that. i loved it a lot!!

but, personally, the way it ended up was unsatisfying, and personally, laughing at your audience for thinking you were going to do the very thing you really obviously set up to do is just weak storytelling at best and insulting to your audience’s intelligence at worst

tldr love space a lot, its own story is SUPER COOL but because of the lore going nowhere, it’s got some hella weak spots and mark’s attitude toward them rubs me the wrong way

#do i dare to tag this #yeah I’m gonna do it fuck it #markiplier #in space with markiplier #in space with markiplier part 2 #iswm #iswm 2 #pls fandom don’t let me regret this #ramblings

[friedbuttermilk]

i don’t support groink (the creator of aib).

as a person of color, what he did was disrespectful and he needs to learn his place. honestly, what he did was foolish.

this just just a post about me talking about aib and just my thoughts on stuff. it’s not negative. i like aib, i just don’t support or like the creator.

that being said,

i started watching aib, i like it, it’s cool and kinda impressive it was made on powerpoint.

most of the characters are pretty fleshed out and solid, most have distinguishable personalities (some of them haven’t gotten much screen time or haven’t been explored much…) but to be fair hard to fully do that when there are so many characters…i think that’s the first problem with shows that have a lot of characters. a lot of them don’t get enough screen time. *coughs* bfb & tpot. by no means am i saying those shows are bad, and there are many more examples of this, but these shows are the first that came to mind. there are just so many characters and even still a lot of them are so 1 dimensional, it makes me sad to see.

back on track:

there’s always room for improvement.

i’m not gonna sit here and FULLY analyze aib, that’s not what this is. just kinda making notes and visualizing my thoughts. this post barely scratches the surface.

there really isn’t much to say. like

i think the show is pretty funny. it makes me chuckle sometimes, the writing is pretty good, and really the only thing i would say kinda makes me feel iffy is the editing on the voices and background music. a lot of the time the background music is wayyyyyy too loud, but that’s an easy fix. it’s definitely noticeable…and pretty distracting though.

i already have some favorites! oodle is definitely one of them, but that’s a given. who doesn’t like him? one of the nicest hosts out there. and tivo! a cutie. :] pitchfork is pretty cool too. alef, telescopes (fucking bastard), and envelope are also some of my favs.

overall, all of the characters are quirky and fun. i like them :)!!

anyway uh

i’m not good at these types of posts sooooooo

yeah overall like 8/10 i like aib. i feel like there’s a lot to be explored, and im excited to see more.

i’m done here,

until next time, peace.

#eryx rants

[survivor-mesopotamia]

Ep. #2 - “Shit ain’t over till the fat lady sings and I didn’t warm my pipes.” (Cameron)

Day 4: Well. I survived my first tribal council of the season, and even though it went exactly according to plan, while I slept my entire day away, I'm still really hesitant to tell myself that I'm doing well on my tribe. I'm really nervous that my tribe mates are playing me, and that I'm really boo boo tha fool here. I called Megan post-tribal, and I was finally able to get some closure on something that happened between us in our personal lives, which felt really good. After that, she asked me about the idol, to which I had responded "Wait, Julian didn't tell you?", which hopefully sows some seeds of doubt in Megan about Julian. Ideally, if the Enlil tribe has to go back to tribal council, the four of us can bear witness to a Megan vs. Julian war. Because unfortunately, the connections I have outside Enlil, are shared with either Julian or Megan. If Megan and Julian are going after each other pre-merge, or during a swap scenario, I don't have to share those connections anymore. After that, Megan and I just talked about the nudes we received during quarantine ~ I then promptly ran to Will to tell him about the potential crack I just formed between Julian and Megan, which was met with genuine excitement. I think I'm really gaining Will's trust, and I think we vibe so well together. Love that guy! Overall, it wasn't a very productive day because I woke up at 4:30p PST. Love that for me, thanks for shading me @ Tribal Bodhi.

going into this scavenger hunt as the tribe that went to tribal last is worrysome. It's a challenge that's fully dependent on our activity, so we are at a serious disadvantage against the other two tribes that get to choose someone less active to sit out. We don't have that luxury. The point/life system eases the blow, however, since we can get less active players 1 life while more active players can get 3. In case we lose, I'm trying to connect with everyone on the tribe. I really don't want to vote anyone out though. I have an alliance with Julian and JJ, and one with Will on the side. Chrissa wants to work with Julian, JJ and myself, and I think Megan and JJ have something on the side. I'm nervous for who would be the target in the vote, and any vote would hurt all of our games collectively. Hopefully we win because the next vote will not be easy AT ALL.

Done w typing this sheet

jj and zachary are so fucking annoying to this challenge and if i vote for you first at the swap, its probably because youre typing too much during this challenge sorry not sorry xoxo - sincerely johnny a month from now

let me be clear with andrew I was not calling his hosting unfair i was calling the fact that a majority green item giving him a point unfair not the hosting but lack of yellow, also i have a headache i don't feel that good. and I just don't think zach should have had a point for it nothing against hosting obviously i watch a movie trivia thing where literally they have a challenge to challenge any questions that are unfair, that doesn't mean they are calling the question writers or the answer writers unfair. 

Zach just won the tribal challenge for us which is fantastic. We can maintain the illusion of a unified tribe longer, which keeps us together in a swap situation, and Zach has clearly painted a challenge target on himself over the last two challenges which will make him go before me if our Triforce ever becomes the minority. I'm really happy with my position in the game right now

me and monty trying to find the idol and decode this annoying ass video https://imgur.com/a/lu7sbMu

Forgive me father for I have sinned it's been approximately three days since my last confession so far can't complain really we be winning they hating we be riding pretty damn clean I've got a majoritu alliance I didn't start so odds of it falling around me and being the first voted out slim to none thank the sweet baby jesis and all that good shit. Oh well that's all for now

JULIAN’S HOST CHAT GUEST, ZEE:

I am filling in a confessional because you told me to. I am in front of my fan because it's hot. I'm thinking that it seems pretty stupid to ask me for a confessional. Julian's prod chat isn't very interesting because he's distracted.

also just threw out madison's name to johnny. if this shit backfires on me ill be ):

https://youtu.be/Pqck1gayfJU

https://youtu.be/FMay7NycsPw

yo yo yo homies!!! fuck the scavenger hunt and the mobile Skype app !! Lowkey scared but I think I’m close with everyone on the tribe except madi soooooooooo that’s probably who will go tonight. I’ve connected a lot with Monty and am hoping we can work together closely moving forward 💕not sure how useful my relationship with Zach is going to be come swap/merge bc it seems like he’s ALREADY making himself a target like the big doof he is. More later 💋

https://youtu.be/Qg47yupj1bQ

https://youtu.be/vUK8A1qWVoA

Hello tumblr survivor world! Sorry I didnt confess for episode 1, I was going to but i accidentally exited out of the page when i almost finished writing it. Anyways, it was just a cast assessment for my tribe so tl;dr everyone on my tribe is great and its really sad that we have to vote someone out now. So this whole weekend I was away so I was REALLY worried that I would be voted out since I sat out of the challenge. But after talking to Johnny and Isabelle, it seems like Madison will be voted out tonight. Which is so bad bc this her first game in a year, but hey it's our first vote and it's not me so it's not really the time to make a stand. _________________________________________________________________________________________ Okay I took a break from writing this confessional and there's moreeeeeeeee so part 2 I guess. So I had a call with Johnny and we came up with an alliance of me, him, Isabelle, and Benji. What an iconic alliance, right? But also while Johnny and I talked we got onto the topic of idols and why it is that there hasn't been an idol post yet. I brought up that wayyyyyy back when in Malaysia and some other games around that time, some of the idol hunts were less clear cut. We ended up looking at the blog and clicking the "idol system" tab and it brought us to some weird crab video with audio that sounds like a pokemon cry? Idk part of me thinks its just a joke but I also have to consider that it might be SOMETHING. It said remember to like and subscribe so I sent a screenshot of me liking and subscribing to see if that would do anything but nope. Johnny said he'd do some thinking about it and get back to me later if he figures something out. Also tribal seems super clear cut so I'm a bit less worried now but y'know how it is I can't not worry about tribal.

i just spent $8 on a spectogram and STILL cant find this fucking idol im gonna kms... monty im sorry im steam rolling ahead looking for this thing without telling you, but thank you for the first clue xoxo... if i get stumped in the future ill reach out for SURE (but idt you trust me that much so this seems kinda valid to me) ((FOUR HOURS LATER: i told monty lololol)) ALSO FOR FUCKS SAKE I think madison is gonna go, and truthfully, im fine with it because it's the easiest thing to do due to her poor performance in the past few challenges and just being the least AROUND the tribe, but i know that it'd probably be better for me long term to get rid of abby because i just dont see her as a long term ally for me. i think she's close to JJ and Megan on the other tribe, and she's becoming much more acclimated to the tumblr survivor community that i just BET that she maybe has an additional connection on the rookie tribe. If I can attempt to break that up before we get to a swap, I think that's what im going to have to do figure out if we lose another challenge before a swap... i dont really want to see ANYBODY else go besides abby if im thinking about a second boot. i bet it wont be easy to take her out tho also, if madison goes, this is like...... lowkey vindication for game changers???? last night i talked about this with monty and i was like hmmmm "is it ugly to bring up past game history?" and his response was "not if it's within the same series" .... so. vindication

---

omg i just told madison how to find the idol system thing i hope she doesnt tell anyone i told her about it LMAO........ this almost seems too easy.i got added to two alliances today. why do i not feel safe? is it me going? WTF IS GOING ON

excited to be first boot because no one will TALK TO ME! 

Things haven’t changed much since my last confessional! As far as I know the tribe hasn’t started into alliances and we’re all riding some excitement at having so far avoided tribal. I think the rest of the tribe and I are all feeling good and just focusing on making the tribe switch without losing any members.

from round 2 https://youtu.be/fk002uG2HoI

Hi sorry I forgot to do a confessional this round so this will be short imma just say a few things 1. I don’t trust julian one bit he can stop being shady to me 2. I can’t believe we aren’t going to tribal I’m so fkn happy i was able to pull out the win for our tribe because I didn’t want to lose anybody else 3. I love and adore will with all of my being and he’s my number 1 ally right now 4. I find it highly doubtful that there’s only one idol in this game and that you can’t find it until merge but that’s as far as I can get in the idol search for now so I guess there’s nothing I can do about it 5. I’m still having fun can’t wait to fuck up another flash game yay!!!

My Purple edit is amazing right now. But having played more games than most of these newbies, I have decided to take on the role of teacher and becoming more of a "role model" for these newbies. I feel like I have the closest bond with Zach, and I need to get a little closer with Collin. I have Grace from past games, and then there are the others who I do not really have any strong bonds with at the moment. I guess I need to start going to them more and show that I want to work with them.

https://youtu.be/yhwXzqrTcsA Confessional 2 for round 2

https://youtu.be/TVnpwqc8XLY

Madison voted out 6-1

#nomorethings

[delicateheartstranger]

March 17, 2020

Dear world,

Many things have been on my mind. My mind wanders a lot. So first lets talk about outing people. So recently the nurse at my php program outed my chosen name to my parents. Outing people sucks so fucking much. Like that was supposed to be someting I did when I was comfortable and felt safe. Not anyone else’s job. Sure slip ups happen, but that just makes me wanna go back deep in the closet. It isn’t the first time shit like this has happened. I’m talking about lots of other kinds of outings to. 

So when I was hanging with my friend DK (I have more about him later) and my friend LC we were talking about an ex friend of LC. She then proceeded to tell me how this former friend who lives up the street from me is HIV+. I didn’t know what to say. It made me kinda a mix of uncomfortable and annoyed with LC since that’s something deeply personal to just reveal regardless of how angry she was. And I mean yes the former friend was a cunt to LC from what I’ve heard, but being unstable and cunty doesn’t call for outing someone’s heath status like that. It kinda makes me trust LC less. Me and her have been friends for years although throughout them will lose contact for like a year or two and always randomly start hanging out again. So yeah outing, not good.

Now with DK. I realized that we matched on tinder a few months before we knew each other. I stopped using tinder cause I tried using it for dating and just wasn’t getting the results I was looking for. Plus lots of people swiped left on me more often when I showed my double chin in photos vs when I hid it. Don’t need that bad vibes in here. I am thinking of downloading tinder again just to delete my account or unmatch DK before he can realize we matched. It’s not that he isn’t like attractive or that I wouldn’t date him, but rather I doubt he sees me the same way? Yeah we matched and even talked a bunch, but like that doesn’t mean he likes the real me. I don’t want him to be going through his old matches one day and see me (and my deadname which I had been going by back then). I value our friendship more than any potential relationship. I don’t want things to be awkward. Plus he’s got a thing for LC. Well he has a thing for a bunch of people, but LC is on the top of the list. I just don’t think I could live up to her prettiness level at all. So I’ll repeat what I did in middle school with SM, but at least acknowledge it this time round.

What did I do in middle school? In middle school I had a close friend group between me, SM, IM, and in 8th grade our friend KL joined. We stayed close in the first half of high school, but everything fell apart around 11th grade. Or at least I grew apart from the group which hurts. I don’t know if they are still together. I should message them. I think I will after this. Anywho, back to the point. In middle school I was severally bullied. The worst bullying was those years and my time at my 2nd high school. I was pretty in the closest about my sexuality and straight up denying any form of gender dysphoria. I was one them kids who was like ‘dang i’m jealous of trans people they get to transition to the gender they feel comfy in’. Major clown vibes and egg_irl shit. But the person I realized only recently I had feelings for was SM. She was super smart, funny, kind, anxious, and very gay. At some point I realized that there was some romantic tension between her and IM. So in a way subconsciously I stepped away from feelings for her. Top it off in 8th grade we had feelings for the same girl and I set them up. I remember feeling like shit and thought it was over the other girl. Nah it was over SM. I remember she used to have the longest brown hair that she kept in a braid. I thought it was beautiful and kinda was jealous. Even when she cut it short in high school I still loved her hair. I had kept pushing away my feelings for her in all of middle school. Then came high school.

I don’t have many memories from 9th grade due to trauma. But I managed to remember all these painful memories. Ahahaha nice job me, forget the good shit and only some of the traumatic shit while remembering a lot of bad shit and some the trauma. Either way what happened was she had broken up with this girl over the summer (different schools not worth it). Then comes in my toxic friend CH. She was kinda a huge bitch. She first had a crush on my friend RS. So being the match maker I am I set her up with my friend RS (who back then for context still identified as a cis male). CH was in the closet about being trans and they dated for like a week before CH broke up claiming she didn’t want her parents thinking she was gay. Okay fine. Then late in 9th grade me, CH, SM, and a few other friends hung out at lunch. CH told me she had a thing for SM and I could tell SM had a thing for CH. So with a lil bit of work and match making magic I got them together. It was kinda in a way me trying to make SM unobtainable even though by then I was okayish with my sexuality. I remember at many points feeling this deep sinking pain in my chest and stomach when I saw them together. The heat in my ears would rise and I felt like crying. I for awhile thought it was over CH. Then it hit me one day in 9th grade it was over SM. I was so ashamed and felt so fucking shitty that I just kinda pushed it away.. Tucked away my feelings and even the memory of knowing, although the memory of realizing could’ve left cause trauma. Another time I was looking for the two of them at lunch and I found them making out behind the school. The pain in that moment I could not use enough words combined with all the languages to explain that pain. It was worse than a speeding commuter train hitting me while watching a bunch of kittens get shot. I would later learn that same pain when I had to avert my eyes from seeing DW kissing this girl for a play. To cope with it in the moment I remember cracking a joke and leaving. 

I loved her. Soon enough the two of them broke up cause SM wasn’t i a good head space and she was like I don’t wanna hurt CH like that. CH was also plus size like me. That will be relevant later. So now the scene is 10th grade. SM introduces me to SMY. They had known each other for awhile and rode the same bus home. SMY was a year younger though. Soon enough SMY and SM started dating. I felt that same pain again. I didn’t know this time why as by then I forgot about figuring out. SMY a few months in came out as non binary. SM was fine with that and still liked SMY regardless. So when I left my first high school I kinda fell outta contact with SMY. She never was good with that outside of school with me. Then in my first year of 12th grade after KL saw me (yes even in 12th grade I was this bitch) cut on my snap story brought all of us together. I talked to all them and for a few months we were as close as we’d been back in the good old days. It was so refreshing to talk to SM. But nothing good last in my life. SM left the chat. Fine. Then IM leave. Then it kinda goes silent and we all fall apart. Or at least I’m not there. Again after this I’m gonna try and message all three of them. I miss them. SO YEAH I BASICALLY LET MYSELF NOT BE WITH SM. She was open to dating fat, non binary, non typical beauty people, and I just made up excuses to repress my feelings. I wouldn’t let myself be happy? Who knows. She could’ve rejected me and it could’ve made shit real awkward. 

I’m gonna just do the same thing? But knowingly this time and more self aware with DK. Sure it’s not really too healthy, but it’s with the pros and cons put together better than the cons of potential revealing of this info and me trying to pursue a relationship. Besides, me and him have wayyyyyy to much shit we’d needa work on before dating. Like you can and date with mental illness and should be able to. But if both partners suffer both need to have a certain level of stability or it could lead to lots of unhealthy shit. Witnesses enough where that wasn’t true and I ain’t signing up for that. 

Good things that happened today was that a cosplay tik toker I like liked my comment I put on their video, after I did a cosplay duet to another one that I like they also liked the video I made and commented something nice, and soon me and my mom will watch The Goldfinch together.

My brother’s school is forcing him out. The state was like ‘yea no ya’ll better gtfo and go home while corona up in this bitch.’ So there goes my mental stability. I’m kinda fucked now. My parents are leaving tomorrow to pick him up. So yeah world I’m actually fucked. I am worried that I might do something I will regret in these coming days and weeks. I have had a bit more non passive thoughts about self harm and SI. I won’t have anything. No where to hide. No where to cosplay. Even more judgment. I’m actually screwed. Wish me luck. Hopefully things will turn out good? Probably not. Hope if you’re reading this things are good for you. Any advice?

Yours cordially,

A