#i have faith that he'll pay through suffering The Horrors and fuck knows what else <3 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

the-un-slash-emotionals · 2 months

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hola amigo kaise ho thik ho? i need to stop starting everything like this :sob: hi. its been a long time. so many things that happened. but i trust him, im proud of him, i know he'll pull through. but that's a discussion for his diary, not here. today, we talk about some theory i've been budding for a while now, its a little bit of a sensitive topic, that i have no right to talk about but such are my alien ways :) (moments is such a good song) heart beats harderr ; time escapes me trembling hands, touch skinn ; it makes thisss harderrrr and the tears stream ; down my faceee the Aromantics. " Aromantic people have little or no romantic attraction to others. They may or may not feel sexual attraction. An aromantic person can fall into one of two groups: aromantic sexual people or aromantic asexual people. " thats the textbook def of it, and that's not the topic of discussion here. andd also not talking about asexuality, that's a whole other thing that i havent really thought about. some leads, but none too decisive, so nvm. what im interested in is what could be the reasons behind aromanticism? i really damn wish and hope i do something neuroscience related in the future coz otherwise my human will BURN ok, so what made me interested? some people around me, 2 in particular, both im close to, both i want to understand like nobody else. both have their fare share of troubles, both i hope, i can have a conversation with about this very topic some day. both, have had many many proposals in the past, both, i've fallen for at some point or another, both, i've fallen out of (for the most part), both, i've never confessed to. both, ridiculously fascinating people. both, ive had the privilege to know from my pov rather than just his, and hence, both, i can evaluate devoid of humane feelings. common points in both - bad past, sub par family dynamic, at least from one side. and i think therein lies the jackpot. also, both very physical beings. in touch with their skin. idk how to describe it without feeling like a fucking creep, but both value physical touch a lot. its intimate. their skin is sacred, it has meaning. almost as if they're stuck in this world in between, on one hand they have extremely complicated minds and thoughts and emotions and on the other, their body revolts if they don't pay heed to it. maybe its a girl thing, im not sure. but idts. i think the answer lies in the past. they've suffered such negative experiences there, regarding the same thing. love. somewhat of a mix between family relations, and other kids, heck, maybe even some horrors from the past resurfacing in their present, which makes them repel all this even more so. its like their mind has created this bubble, or a safety shield, which makes it invalidate romantic feelings or approaches. maybe in the past, they felt too much, then were faced with nothing but bad results, over and over and over over again. it solidified. their minds stopped believing. as maturity rose, it brought with it an almost completely concrete blockage towards feelings. and that was that. im lucky, since both my POIs are very different people, fundamentally. one deals with feelings like a cold machete. dangerous. but its a defense mechanism, ...and ok he knows that but hes kinda tired of it. anyway, the other deals with it via a bit more maturity. she knows what feelings are. how to cater to others' feelings too. shes almost been doing this for too long, but shes getting better, and he has faith in her. most importantly, she DOES NOT SHUT DOWN when something bad happens in this realm. and thats VERY IMPORTANT. the only way is THROUGH. she FIGHTS. unlike the other. im not gonna conclude this, because tbh it was a bit of a personal rant as well, instead of just a devoid barren thought portrayal. also have to say, that im kinda just speculating. idk anything for sure unless i have some brain scans. until next time, humans thats x8c signing off （︶^︶）

#my writing

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