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gatzilksis-2 · 4 months

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My Stepfather Joe: 2023 Christmas Special 1

(This is based on true events, also following the original My Stepfather Joe stories. You can still enjoy if you haven't read them!)

18+

December 22

I got off a Greyhound bus at a McDonald's. My mom got out of her new SUV and waved me over. We got into the vehicle, and she started the short drive to her house. "Sorry to hear about your breakup."

"I don't wanna talk about it," I replied. I watched her drive up a windy road. "I can't believe how long it's been since I've been here."

"I know. What's the last time you saw Joe?"

I looked out the window, shrugging. It had been a good long while, but I still thought about him all the time. Joe and my mom had been together since I was a kid. He was cool and all, but the best part about him was his gas.

As Mom got closer to their house, I hoped his gas problems remained. It wasn't something I was comfortable asking Mom about directly.

She turned into their long, sloped driveway and stopped at the top. My mouth fell open at the sheer amount of junk and stuff piled in the center of their driveway, all in boxes. The boxes were stacked and piled in a line that disappeared into the garage.

"That's the garage sale stuff?" I asked.

"Yeah. He gets it from old storage units and sells it out of here and his friend's house." Mom rolled her eyes as she got out. "I hate it."

"I could tell." I got out with her, stepping onto the big front deck and into the house. I was hoping to walk into a fart, but the air smelled of food, instead.

"Hello?" Mom called as she padded into the massive kitchen.

I smiled when I saw Joe. He was visibly shorter than the last time I'd seen him. I was sad to see he lost some of his weight. It was healthier for him, but I thought he looked better with it. Now, with his curly hair and big beard a lighter shade of gray, he almost looked like Santa Claus.

"Hey!" Joe hugged me, unfortunately without a fart. He was wearing a sweater with a snowman on it and shorts with slippers. Joe pulled away from me and gestured to the oven. "I got a bunch of different chickens roasting; honey barbecue, teriyaki, one spicy, and one with just garlic butter."

"Sounds good."

We did some catching up as the food finished cooking, and we sat down to eat. Mom and I sat to either side of Joe. The entire time we chowed on our chickens, there were no signs of gas. I tried not to show my disappointment as I caught them up with a few stories from the past years.

I figured the chickens would do it. I ate as much as I could, while Joe had already eaten twice as much as me. I carried my dishes to the sink. "I forgot how good your cooking is."

"Thanks!" Joe got up with his own empty plate. As he walked towards me, it finally happened. Vwrrr-rrrmm-BWRRT! Joe's walking farts fell out in a booming splendor, and my mom pulled her head back.

Joe laughed and squeezed my shoulder. "You forget about that?"

"No." I smiled and put my dishes in the dishwasher, then walked back to the table. And there it was; the strong, skunky scent of Joe's farts that I'd been deprived of for too long.

"Come outside. I'll show you the business." Joe headed outside without me.

"I'll be back," I said to Mom and followed.

"In here!" Joe yelled from the garage.

I walked in and gasped: the garage was filled with stuff, displayed in cases and on tables and hidden in more and more boxes. "Holy shit!"

"Yeah. I got a lot, but think how much money I can make off this." Joe was too excited about this endeavor. He went on and on, but I was barely listening. It was all about how much each thing was worth.

There was barely any space to move in here. Back in the day, Joe would've taken advantage and farted at least once by now. But he just kept moving around the space, pointing out dozens of antiques.

And then suddenly, the smell came without warning, more rotten than the one inside, caught on a small breeze coming in from the driveway. I let it into my nostrils while Joe's back was to me. I think age was making his farts better, even if they were further apart.

"You can have anything you want." Joe gestured across all of the stuff. "Anything!"

"Thanks. I'll have to look before I leave."

"Come here." Joe started towards the driveway. He was going to show me more stuff. I couldn't take much more talk about boring antiques and their dollar values.

I walked through the crowded garage to him. When I was almost there, Joe bent his knees. Pwarp-farp-PHRRP! He stood straight and laughed as I came up behind him. The smell caught me right away, and I silently let it into my senses. "How do you get me every time?"

"Still!" Joe chuckled as he waddled out to the other piles of boxes and stuff.

He continued to explain about his stuff, and I continued to listen the best I could. We finally went back inside without him farting again, but he did head straight for the bathroom.

It was getting late, so we put on a Christmas movie and got ice cream. They only had an extra-cushiony couch and loveseat now, instead of a separate chair for Joe.

I waited for him to come in before taking a seat. "Where do you usually sit?"

"Right here." Joe sat on the long, lounge part of the couch, kicked his big slippers off his bare feet, and put them up in front of him.

Mom sat on the loveseat, so I sat on the big, open spot left on the couch. I appreciated that it was closer to Joe.

He downed his ice cream before it could even get soft and set the bowl on his belly. Joe lifted one leg into the air. PHWRRRT! "Oops."

Mom didn't react, but I laughed. I got up with my bowl, still with a few bites left. "I can get you more, if you want."

"Yeah. Thanks." Joe held his bowl up. I bent to get it, entering his most recent skunky gas cloud.

I got both of us more ice cream and returned. Joe finished his quickly again and walked the bowl to the sink himself. He let out a large belch, and when he turned back, he was pushing up his sweatshirt to rub his belly.

"You didn't take your pill, did you?" Mom chastised.

"No, but I'll be fine." Joe stopped rubbing his belly, but his shirt stayed up. He walked back to the couch, but this time, he passed his seat and turned to stand in front of me.

A silent fart, the strongest of the day by a longshot, attacked me, and I gave a little cough as I took a bite of ice cream.

"Oh, Joe!" Mom yelled and fanned a hand.

"Aah!" Joe took his seat back with a jovial grin.

That moment was vital for me, because it felt like old Joe. I hoped he would continue to act like this the next two days I'd be here.

Continued in next part...

#farts #gatzilksis #eproctophilia #fart kink #eprocto #flatulence #fart fiction #fart stories #male fart fiction #male fart stories

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awesome-opossum-after-hours · 1 year

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rewatching stranger things part 4! (s4 vol 1) this one may be a bit shorter bc it's such a recent season and I feel like people have pointed out most of this stuff already

-Brenner is still hiding out in Indiana, as seen on the license plate of one of the cars in his neighborhood

-the flashback is dated September 8th, 1979 specifically

-010 moves his eyes like Will did when he was possessed, using his "true sight"

-Henry got to Brenner, but apparently it takes about 5 fucking GUNSHOTS TO KILL THIS BITCH

-El has a pennant in her room of somewhere called Dynamite Falls

-Jonathan has a framed picture of him and Nancy, a red smiley face, and a poster of The Evil Dead in his room

-Will has a The Cure "Boys Don't Cry" poster, and a corkboard of his drawings

-the Lenora Hills mascot is an Eagle

-Mike has a One Way sign hanging up, and what looks like an Ozzy poster?

-Dustin's room did not really change, and his D- is in Latin

-you can kinda tell how much they're struggling not to laugh during the "boobies" car scene...love it

-I still feel like there's something with Ms Kelly

-Jason's jersey number is 12... that's so foul why'd they have to use my lucky number

-Eddie's eating some type of Chex Mix, looks like the original which is a solid choice

-the band kids are wearing their hats while eating lunch

-weeder

-thats totally Eddie's handwriting saying "GIMME HEAD TIL I'M DEAD" bc I saw a bts video from the set design crew where they showed a drawing of Vecna from Eddie's room, and the handwriting matches that and Corroded Coffin's logo

-Erica's character is a Rogue, which is one type that the original party did not have

-Chrissy has a brother

-Eddie and his Uncle seem to both be huge collectors, their trailer has lots of hats and mugs on display

-there's a stain on the ceiling of Eddie's room

-Chrissy and Eddie are both wearing white Reeboks

-what sort of significance does 4819 carry??? that's the house number of both Max's old house on Cherry Hill Lane in Hawkins, AND the Byers' house on Lonzo Way in Lenora!

-Jason spray painted his jersey number on the wall of the Hideout

-I wonder who started the whole trend of vandalizing Benny's Burgers and turning it into a teenager lounge? probably Tommy H and all them, maybe Billy had some involvement too

-the town marks Barb's death as the "start of Hawkins' downfall", despite the cover up being released a year after Will's disappearance

-despite not knowing how to skate, Mike was doing fine when he was skating over to El

-there's a Rick Sanchez in the Family Video system. WUBBA LUBBA DUB DUB

-i think Mike's actions towards Will made me really hate him bc I've been in a lot of platonic situations like that. friendships faded bc of one-sided effort, but I always got blamed despite being the one to try and keep them up. it sucks, and I'm sure it sucks more when you're in the closet and crushing on said friend

-shut up Angela it doesn't look like El shit herself, that's gotta be real talent if she shat all over the FRONT of her dress.

-Rick has a box of Cheerios on his table, maybe from Eddie?

-the boathouse was not exactly a quiet place to hide, the floorboards were creaking with each step

-Eddie was literally SHAKING

-after Eddie lets Steve free, Steve has a dramatic recovery moment in the background. Robin can be seen comforting him, checking if he's okay

-there are so many demobats, and I wondered how we haven't seen them before? the only other time we see the outdoors in the Upside Down is in season 1, where Nancy goes to try to find Barb through the tree portal. guess I'll have to do another rewatch!

-FUCK I WROTE A LOT MORE AND NEVER SAVED IT SO ALL MY PRECIOUS AND HILARIOUS THOUGHTS GOT DELETED

-most of the characters wear watches. this is because it was the 80s and nobody had cell phones. who would've guessed?

-the rainbow room seems to really value arts and crafts

-half the walls of the Rainbow Room go from red to purple, the other half go purple to red

-"this place is not a prison" well then maybe decorate a little better down there Brenner it looks like shit

-I always thought that Steve tore the bat's head off with his dogs out but turns out he ripped the body like diagonally ew... like tail and wing from the head and the other wing

-why are they getting interrogated at the Wheeler's house when it's Dustin, Max, and Lucas

-Eddie awkwardly standing in the background while Steve gets bandaged🤪

-Eddie changed underwear from the time he was getting manhunted by the Justice Squad of Superjocks

-Nancy had a demobat land on her back and somehow did not get clawed

-Eleven's mom says "I love you" to her right before she's taken away

#stranger things #eddie munson #kas theory #steve harrington #details #dustin henderson #stranger things theory #lucas sinclair #vecna #eleven #will byers #mike wheeler #nancy wheeler #erica sinclair #robin buckley

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vvatchword · 6 months

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I fucking moved. Fuck that city in particular and fuck everybody in it except for the cool Bat Dude and the lady who gave me a ride so I didn't get rained on and the nice old grandpa who saw me staring into space at the hamburger joint (as one does).

Yes, I got into a stranger's car, but look. She was very nice and she reminded me of a dear friend, and I was so darkly miserable that the fact she asked was like a little ray of sunshine. Like look. Not everybody is fucking horrid, sometimes they're a nice librarian-looking lady in an SUV.

Oh, now I can't stop thinking of nice people. Let's face it: there were plenty of nice folks there. It's just that I'm not made for cities. There's what I thought I wanted and there's what I actually wanted.

I hate cities

I hate noise

I hate traffic

I hate rich people

I hate pollution (and so does my bird)

I hate the horrifying cost of living

I hate lights and need a real nighttime. If I can't see stars I begin to die. If your lights are so bright the moon disappears, you're too damn bright

I HATE public transit because...

I hate having to maneuver around homeless shenanigans. You know how many times I'd be genuinely terrified per month? Way too many times.

There were too many people everywhere I went. I would try to go shopping early to avoid rubbing shoulders and end up rubbing shoulders. There was just no easy way to avoid crowds.

Tamed nature. Do you know what I mean? Nature made as humans desire it, not nature existing outside of humankind. At the very least--nature that hasn't seen more than two separate human beings per month. I have learned a brand new appreciation for wastelands. I am not renewed by a park with a tree in it. I need to see land that doesn't need a sprinkler system.

I was constantly overwhelmed and I never got to do anything fun because I was too poor. Cool shit happens here, too, though. So I'm just going to try and go to something nice at least once per month. It's more expensive because you have to drive, but it's less expensive on the whole because half of my income isn't going to rent.

Moving was a nightmare. I basically packed up and left in a week. My dad contracted some friends from his church. They said they could help me pack if I wasn't done yet. Joke's on me: those guys didn't give a single fuck. They launched my belongings like we were Cape Canaveral. I thought I was going to die from the agony of seeing brain-dead rednecks bodyslam my books into boxes. I still haven't found parts of my stuff yet. Who knows where it's all gone. I'll find it eventually? I guess?

I proceeded to drive home in the dark and the rain, where I chugged energy drinks and longed for death. I stopped once to buy the best possible snacks I could find (Muddy Buddies, Dot's Pretzels, some donuts. My life is falling apart. I deserve nice things). My traveling partner was the sole surviving African Dwarf Frog (long story, but they started dying one by one, and she is the last).

Got home and weeks of abuse caught up to me. I proceeded to fall into a catatonic state for about two days. Caught up with myself today and finally set my PCs up. I have two; one is an old-school mid-tier gaming device from like. 2012. The other is my custom-built gaming PC from about three years ago. Anyway. I've been wanting to make them both dual-monitor machines but I had to do some troubleshooting, and I figured it out today.

I can't connect to ethernet because this house wasn't built with ethernet in mind. It's going to have to be WiFi. Ewwww. Oh well

Being home is a HUGE relief. My parents are ecstatic to have me. The DOG is ecstatic to have me. The bird is angry because I can just straight-up leave his sight now. The apartment may have been a hideous, dimly-lit hole, but it was a SMALL hideous, dimly-lit hole, and he knew where I was at all times. He has to hunt for me now and he hates it.

I can begin job-hunting again in earnest, as well as begin NaNoWriMo. I need to hit 5,000 words today. Wish me luck lol

#vvatchword

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lesbienneanarchiste · 4 years

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My grandpa's first.. idk death anniversary? It's technically not a yahrzeit since he wasnt Jewish but like... That's how I, known Jew, think of it so... Anyway it will have been a year since he died on Sept 1 and the entire grieving experience has been intensely strange bc my nana didn't do a funeral or memorial or ANYTHING like we didn't do ANYTHING bc she kept putting it off and putting it off and I haven't even seen her since last June when we went to Maine and my grandpa was feeling fine so part of me feels like it hasn't even really hit me that he's gone bc we didn't do any of the normal grieving rituals that humans do. But anyway my mom wants to go up to Maine to be w my nana for the first week of September and I just.. it's hard deciding how to travel or if we should at all bc I know I KNOW we really shouldn't be, esp since MD is on a lot of state's shit lists, nvm the fact that all my various issues make traveling during the best of times difficult. But also if I didn't get to do the normal funeral stuff the least closure I should get to have should be to be up there w my nana in the house that my grandpa helped build on the anniversary of his death u kno?

And it's also kind of weird bc like.. bc we moved around so much when I was a kid I don't really have any places I think of as Home. Except my grandparents house. Like if I left MD and never came back I would be fine w that, if I never revisited old houses we had in AZ or MA, I'd be fine. But never going back to my grandparents house on that little island in Maine would kill me. And I feel like it won't really hit me that he's dead until I pull into their driveway and he isn't there where he should be, you know? And seeing his empty workshop since my nana sold a lot of his woodworking equipment and his beloved car not being there (the one he adored and everyone else hated to death, it was an orange 2008 Honda Element shaped like a box and being a passenger in it while he was driving was like being in a rollercoaster). So part of me feels like the longer I stay away from their house, the harder it will be when I finally do go.

Idk it's weird and stupid and difficult and I didn't even talk about his death until a few months after he died bc I just didn't even want to deal with it at all but now there's a pandemic on and it feels like there are only bad choices to be made.

#disgruntled octopus #its just weird #my mom was there when he died bc she was helping my nana take care of him in hospice bc he wanted to die at home #and shes been back a few times to visit my nana by herself #but the rest of us havent been back since before he even knew he was sick #we saw him in June and he was normal and then it all kinda came crashing down in July and by sept 1 he was gone and its just all WEIRD #death ??#idk if people need that tagged but..

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