#i dont know. i want to make frineds but even that sounds unappealing if it means ill have even less free time to myself

[be-good-to-bugs]

the weight of everything bad in my life has decided to crush me on this nice night

#the bin #its raining and windy and liek just a bit TOO windy to be a good breeze but not so windy that its super unpeasent #just windy enough to make me feel more alive in this weird headspace im stuck inside. #i want to get better. i wanna make friends. i need to have control over my own life #taking everything i have not to cut all my hair off right now #im so close to having a mental breakdown man. i just wanna have a car and live alone and feel like a have actual freedom #i think having a job wpuodnt feel so bad if i actually felt the the time i wasnt working was mine but i dont #i dont know why im having such a hard time today. i havent felt this bad in quite awhile or even like ever tbh #i dont know. i want to make frineds but even that sounds unappealing if it means ill have even less free time to myself #at the same time tho i wanna party. i am a party bitch at heart. but alas i was stuck in the middle of the woods with no contact with #other people for 7 years so. and ofc most places are 21+ so its hard. i want to be able to just go somewhere on a whim but noooo #well. my life will find joy again one day. i hope i can get one if these jobs and be less miserable.