#i did NOT like any posts related to eating disorders or bpd nor did i follow anyone new so.

[boyfeminism]

i really Shouldnt use the for you page but sometimes i get bored and this time it was fucking Entirely ed posts mixed in with fanart for stray which fucking sucked and then like 4 posts abt bpd at the end which is not something that even has Anything to do with me so overall bad experience many people blocked

#anyways. #sorry if this sounds harsh but if youre posting abt an eating disorder and not tagging it in the simplest of ways #i hate you #i dont care what argument could possibly be made against me i genuinely hate you #ed tw #<- wow 4 letters! isnt that easy! fuck you #i did NOT like any posts related to eating disorders or bpd nor did i follow anyone new so. #not sure where tumblr pulled that one #on par with wei/ght lo/ss ads #killed the fun sleepy mood i was in. #idk it doesnt even affect me the way it used to its been like. long enough since the peak #that i am okay and every time ive like. idk relapsed or whatever ive recognized it and adjusted in that same day in a way that is healthy #and nothing really drives me to that behavior very easily anymore #but it still fucking Nauseates me i dont want to see it in my stupid tumblr bubble tbh and its as simple as that #and it makes me upset bc then youre just. subjecting ppl it DOES affect to the same thing! bc you cant fucking tag things #speaking

[queercatessays]

For nearly 20 years I didn't realise I had a personality disorder

As a teenager, I knew it wasn't normal to think the entire world was your enemy. I knew it wasn't normal to feel utterly empty inside, to feel like the whole world was behind glass, out of reach. I never knew who I was, or what I wanted. I wanted whatever my favourite person wanted. I existed through others, like a shadow.

I had empathy, but no morals. If it didn't affect me, it didn't matter. I was never violent, but inside I was always angry, so I got good at lying. I'd say for a long time nearly every word out of my mouth was a lie in some way. If I told the truth, it was only to shock people, or to hide something that REALLY made me vulnerable. But normally I was quiet, and because I was quiet, no one really noticed me, till my emptiness became so absolute I finally saw a psychiatrist. You'd think a psychiatrist would immediately recognise the problem. They didn't. I saw 10 experts at the youth mental health center, none of whom could diagnose me with anything. In the end they settled on autism, which is true but not the whole picture. I went on with my life, hating everyone around me, feeling like I must be the only person on earth who feels this way. I felt like an alien, barely human, but at the same time I felt like I was a god, better than everyone around me. I was everything and nothing. I saw counsellor after counsellor for my mental health issues, but they were all terrible listeners, and I was belligerent patient. I never did get any help for my problems, which included all manner of self-destructive behaviour, including eating disorders. But, somehow, over time, through finding people who could accept the mess of a person I am, I was able to heal. I'm not normal, nor will I ever be - or want to be. I still have black and white thinking - friend or enemy, no in-between. I still get suspicious of people and even as I write this I'm full of paranoia (another thing I've had for 20 years), and honestly, I might always feel like an alien. But I'm not alone anymore, and I'm not full of pain 24/7. And it's been a lot easier to deal with all this since I met a friend who happens to have BPD and ASPD. They were talking to me about their experiences, and I tell you now I related to every word. It shocked me, cos I imagined people with personality disorders were violent abusers, which of course I wasn't (despite wishing murder on the entire planet back in the day lmao). The propaganda had got into my head. But when they talked me through things, I realised yeah, I definitely have something. Probably BPD with ASPD traits, or the other way round, but I've not got a diagnosis and honestly, with the way I've been treated, I have no interest in getting one. It's enough for me to be on here reading people's posts and knowing that hey, there are people like me out there. That's why I'm writing this, too. In case someone out there needs to hear it. If you're relating to all these personality disorder posts, then trust yourself. And if you're having an awful time, wondering if there can ever be a way forward, then trust me: there is. I believe in you. My brain is completely and utterly fucked, but I'm still here, and I don't intend on leaving any time soon. All my love to everyone struggling with these stigmatised conditions. We've got this <3

#personality disorder #actually cluster b #borderline personality disorder #bpd #antisocial personality disorder #aspd #bpd safe #cluster b safe #aspd safe