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queerspacepunk · 3 years

Note

For DADWC: “I wish we’d never met. I only bring you pain" for Anders/Fenris?

sorry this has taken forever, my weekends have been chaos and now i'm sick and i think i forgot to respond to the @dadrunkwriting headcount for this week but OH WELL. I think i slightly tweaked the wording but i'm sure we'll cope.

Hawke had prepared him for this. Anders had too, in a way. Far more self-critical, admission lined in deflections, but it’s Hawke’s words Fenris turns to, nights like these, where Anders is in pieces and not all the way in the present.

“I wish we’d never met!” Anders snaps, pushing Fenris away as he scrambles across the bed, putting the furniture between them, foot catching in the duvet as he goes, tripping him. “All I ever do is hurt you!” His voice cracks at the end of it, and his eyes are wild.

Hawke had warned Fenris about this, back in the stilted month between the last time Fenris had tumbled Anders into bed drunk and the first time he’d done it sober. Well, not warned perhaps. To warn would imply Hawke was advising him away. No, Hawke had prepared him for this.

Anders had too, in a way. Far more self-critical, admission lined in deflections, but it’s Hawke’s words Fenris turns to, nights like these, where Anders is in pieces and not all the way in the present.

He’s not reacting to you, not really. He’s like an injured kitten.

“You feel dangerous,” Fenris says carefully. Acknowledgement, not validation.

“I am dangerous,” Anders spits, “I hurt you, it’s all I ever do. Out of control, out of-”

Blue begins to break through his skin, as if to prove a point. Fenris wonders if Anders knows that the pattern of light is different depending on whether his protector is being summoned or coming through of his own accord.

If he’s out of line, tell him.

Fenris breathes out instead of lighting up himself, much as he wants to.

“No Justice in our room without asking,” Fenris says, by rote, without anger. “You’re overwhelmed, do you need a moment?”

“I need you to listen to me!” Anders says, howls, “to get away before I hurt you more. Before I can’t stop myself.”

He’s gets memory mixed up with prophecy. He’s scared of what he thinks he’ll do, of how he thinks you’ll react.

“I’m grateful that hurting me is not something you want to do,” Fenris says, “even if you fear you will.”

Fenris moves around the bed, noting the way that Anders has, even in this state, has left him with an open line to the door, even as he’s had to back himself into a corner to do it.

“I am stepping out for a moment,” he says, “not out of the house, just out of the room. I will be back soon.”

For all Fenris’ skill in running, he hates this part. Hates the brief hint of grief and resignation that Anders never quite manages to hide as he steps away, but he knows it needs to be done.

He’s irrational like this. You could talk at him till you’re both blue in the face and he wouldn’t believe it. You have to play it out, give yourself a chance to prove him wrong.

Fenris doesn’t speak as he walks to the kitchen, but he lets his feet fall heavier than he usually does, slams the freezer door a little harder than he needs to as he pulls the icepack out.

He’s out of the room a minute, maybe two, but Anders has sunk to the ground in the time he was gone. The glow of Justice all but gone, gaze unfocused and distant. He looks up in something like surprise when Fenris enters, brow creasing in a frown when Fenris sits down beside him, lays the ice pack over the back of his neck.

Anders sits with his knees tucked up, wrists resting on them, head hanging between, for a long while before he can speak. The slightest tremor running through his frame the only real indication that he’s still there.

“I- fuck, I’m sorry,” Anders croaks, not raising his head.

Fenris presses his side slightly closer. A reminder of presence, a continuity error for the tale Anders’ mind is trying to spin.

Time travel’s exhausting. Fenris had always wondered how Hawke had known that. Guide him home, ease him in.

A broken, painful sort of laugh shakes out of Anders, and when he sits up, icepack slipping off his shoulders, the tears he’s shedding are frustrated.

“In the morning?” Fenris asks, because he knows as well as Anders does that they will have to deal with this, eventually, but not tonight.

“Yeah,” Anders agrees, “in the morning.”

This seems like an easy one, considering. They’re getting practiced, but Fenris can tell how heavy it is sitting in Anders’ chest.

Be ready for the second wave, go with him through it.

Fenris stands, a little sooner than Anders wants, perhaps, but he’s pliant now, apologetic and emptied out and as much as Fenris doesn’t want to take advantage of that, he needs to get Anders off the floor and to the bed before the next part.

They make it most of the way. Shoes already discarded when they came home, all Fenris really has to do is help Anders out of his jeans, his own long fingers too clumsy, like they’d been under the ice too.

Anders is leaning against him, hands balanced on Fenris’ shoulders as he helps kick away the jeans now pooled on the ground when the second wave does hit. His gaze going from distant to painfully focused on Fenris’ shoulder, where his own hand is resting.

“I hit you,” Anders says, chokes out. Fenris has often wondered if Justice allows Anders to see things that others can’t, or if it’s just the way memories seem to sear themselves into Anders’ vision.

They interact with the past so differently, the two of them.

“No,” Fenris says, for once having to drag himself back into the present as much as he’s dragging Anders, “you shoved me. And only because you were concerned you might hurt me.”

Anders glances up. Not to Fenris’ eyes, not quite, too soon for that, but close, “shoving you isn’t better.”

“When was the last time you were able to push me somewhere I didn’t want to go?” Fenris asks, and takes advantage of Anders’ state once again to push him back toward the bed, angling it so the soft edge of the mattress is what catches him behind the knees and sends him toppling gently onto it.

He’s scared because he loves you. Wants you to be safe. Let him know that you are.

The look on Anders’ face when Fenris does this is so close to the way he looks when they’re playing at things in bed that the first time he’d tried this, Fenris had had to run to the bathroom to retch up his lunch. He’d called Hawke earlier than usual that night.

It still isn’t easy, but he’s learnt since that submission given willingly is less about resignation and more about relief, and he knows now that that is what he’s seeing in Anders’ face. That what Anders’ is responding to isn’t force, but the knowledge that he isn’t a threat to Fenris. Not now.

Change the scene, change the tune. Leave the past in the past, however recent.

Fenris reaches down and helps Anders pull his shirt off, the collar damp from the icepack, the rest of it warmed from his panicked sweat. Fenris tosses it away, pulls another out from under the pillow, helps Anders pull it over his head before stripping his own clothes off in favour of sleep clothes.

Loose pants and no shirt. Anders is rarely ready to be bared to the world so soon after a night like this, but Fenris knows his skin is a warm comfort, knows that even when he sleeps the slight glow of his tattoos will chase away the total darkness.

“I will fetch us tea,” he says, after pulling the blankets over Anders, and Anders nods in response, pulling the duvet up so only his red-rimmed eyes and tousled hair are visible.

Fenris can’t help but push the hair back gently before he leaves. He keeps his footfalls heavy, shuts the cupboards loud enough to be heard but not so loud as to sound angry, fills two cups that he knows probably won’t be finished, but will root them to the present nonetheless.

The cats have materialised in the time it took Fenris to make two cups of tea. Slunk into the room and positioned themselves so as to almost immobilise Anders. One behind his knees, another at his back, a third at his waist.

There is a brief glaring contest between Fenris and The Viscat before the tabby sighs far too heavily for a cat of even his vast size and vacates the spot in front of Anders’ chest where he had been pinning the blankets down, allowing Fenris to lift them up and slip into the bed. To let Anders curl close around him. Clinging with a sort of desperation that Fenris can never quite figure out what to do with.

They sip at their tea and watch cat videos on Fenris’ phone (his recommendations will be a mess after this) until Anders is dozing, halfway to sleep. Fenris lets the video run itself out, and then presses Hawke’s number.

Call me, after, to check in.

“Hey, how’s he doing?” Hawke never seems to need to guess what he’s calling about, not at this hour.

“To debrief with you about your ex-lovers... episode?”

“Nearly asleep,” Fenris says, brushing the hair back from Anders’ forehead again. Anders nuzzles further into his side and mumbles something, “he says ‘hello’,” Fenris relays, “I think.”

Just because we didn’t work together like that doesn’t mean I don’t still care about him, that he’s not my friend, you both are.

“How are you doing?” Hawke asks next, equally gentle.

“You think I’m not capable of handling this on my own.”

“We’ve had worse nights,” Fenris admits, “better ones, also.”

I think you’re more capable than I am.

“You did well,” Hawke says, “you always do. Do you need anything?”

“We... will talk about this in the morning,” Fenris says, “the two of us. After that, perhaps?”

“I’ll bring lunch,” Hawke says, “but call, if you need me before then.”

I think that a person can hurt someone all on their own, but healing is a team effort.

“I will,” Fenris says, surprised to realise his eyelids are heavy, “goodnight Hawke, thank you.”

“Nah,” Hawke says, “thank you.”

#dadwc #dragon age #dragonage #fenris #anders #fenders #fix it in post

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khhunniewriting · 7 years

Text

Give In

[ Mature ]

A complicated Leo X Leo relationship. No one is ready to compromise but no one wants to let go.

Cold. Prideful. Stubborn. Loner. Those were the words used to describe you. They were all considered negative except to one person.

Jiyong looked into the lit room and was surprised to see you in there. It was late at night, everyone was already gone. What was even more surprising was the way you had let down your guard. You had tied your hair up into a ponytail, exposing the back of your neck. It was so unlike you.

You liked to keep your hair down and look mature, sexy even. Rather than looking cute, with your hair up your chubby cheeks were exposed and made you get unwanted compliments. Cute girls tend to be approachable and you were anything but. You liked to keep people away, you kept yourself a mystery.

You turned to the side to look at your color sample board. It had many different colored hair samples that you had made while trying to find the perfect combination for Lee Hi. “Why did he suddenly change his mind” you sighed. Right before you could leave YG had caught you and told you about the last minute change. Before you had been told she would keep her hair the same color but now only two days before the music video shoot you were asked to come up with the perfect rose gold color. It was hard to do in one sitting so you figured it was best to stay and practice a bit.

Jiyong found himself standing in the doorway for a while until your cardigan had slipped off of your shoulder’s revealing the skin you always hid, the skin that wasn’t exactly pure. He could see a small piece of the white rose tattoo that adorned your right shoulder blade. He quietly approached you and lifted your cardigan back into place. “Don’t make me dress you if I’m not the one who undressed you” he whispered into your ear. His hand lingered on your shoulder, he ran it along slowly until he got to the back of your neck.

Shivers went down and up your body when you felt the warm touch.

He couldn’t help himself and kissed the nape of your neck lightly. His lips barely pressed against the exposed skin, he was teasing you.

You flicked your tongue before smirking. “I’ll just think of it as payment for all the times I’ve had to dress you.” You were strictly speaking of all the times you’ve styled him. Never have you slept with Jiyong despite the chemistry and sexual tension between you two. What you did do was mess around and tease each other.

“Your no fun baby girl.” He ran his hands down your back, around your waist and held you in place. “Lately you ignore me and I don’t like it.”

“That’s because you just love attention. You feed on it.” Pressed against him you could feel his hardness behind you. “I’m a cold-hearted bitch who likes to starve you to death.”

“It’s working because I’m just dying to have you.” He began kissing up and down your neck making your eyelids become heavy. The lust was kicking in.

You put down the sample that you were working on and took off the latex gloves that protected your hands from the hair dye. With one hand you let down your hair while the other was used to push Jiyong’s hands aside. “Sorry, Jiyong but I have work to do.”

When you walked around the table he was finally able to see your flushed face. Your blood had certainly started boiling with desire yet you were too stubborn to admit it. “If you’re going to keep being stubborn then I’m just going to have to show my dark side to you as well.”

Respectful. Kind. Genuine. That’s how the fans described Jiyong. Prideful. Stubborn. Aggressive. That’s how you described him when he was with you. He had his own negative traits that’s why he was able to see past yours. He pushed you against the nearest wall and let his hands move around your familiar body.

Even though you were biting your lip to stifle the moan that desperately wanted to come out you fought back. You pulled his hair making him look you in the eyes. “When has aggression ever worked for you?”

“It has to work eventually. A negative and a negative make a positive. The chemistry between us is perfect so even if we fight it we end up like this. That’s why I feel like we should stop fighting it.”

You laughed, during the span of a year you had done so much with each other except reaching the final goal thanks to both of your stubborn nature. When his hands roamed south of your body you stopped him. “Are you giving in today?”

Jiyong stopped, retracting his hand slowly he sighed. “No, I’m not giving in before you.”

“And I won’t give in before you.” You got down on your knees and fumbled around with his belt. You maintained eye contact as you spoke to him all while your hands undid the belt. “I can keep living like this.” Of course, this was just to get his blood pumping. You didn’t plan to satisfy him today. You let your fingers slip into the waist of his pants so he could feel your warm touch but that was it. After abruptly ending the contact you handed him his belt with a smile. “I’m off the clock so you can put that back on yourself.”

Jiyong smirked when he saw you go back to work like nothing had happened.

He wanted to see you, a proud cold-hearted woman, melt in front of him but it wasn’t so easy. You wanted to see his weak side as well that’s how the game began to see who would end up on top.

After Lee Hi’s successful change YG was so pleased that he signed you onto Jiyong’s world tour. All the stylists dreamed of being put in your position. You walked down the halls of YG after getting the news and thought of how you would survive being with Jiyong so long. It was easy when you were working with all of Big Bang but this would be Jiyong’s solo tour.

“I heard the good news” Jiyong walked up to you with a smirk on his face.

You didn’t know where he popped out from and were caught off guard. You saw people coming and gave a professional answer to him. “It will be a pleasure to work with you. Please take care of me.” You gave him a slight bow which furthered his amusement. After the halls were once again empty you put your hand against his cheek and inched closer to him so he could feel your lips feather against his as you spoke. “The rules still apply. Nothing will happen even if we are overseas where it is easier to hide.”

“Close your eyes” you instructed Jiyong as you sprayed a bit more hairspray onto his bangs.

The first thing Jiyong saw when he opened his eyes was your chest. You had worn a loose white tee that was pretty transparent. “I can see your bra.”

“I know” you responded nonchalantly. “You think I would accidentally wear a black bra with a white shirt, especially one this thin?”

“So it was for me to see?”

You nodded, “Just try not to touch.” You looked around at the people who were going about their business getting things ready for him. “We are around people after all.”

Through the mirror he could see the reflection of the male staff who were looking at you. They too were able to spot the bra that contrasted from the shirt. “This game is only supposed to be played by us.”

“It is.”

“There are others who are watching.”

You looked up and met eyes with those who had been staring at you. They quickly averted their eyes and went back to work. You smiled at one person who didn’t to make it seem like you didn’t know they were checking you out. “Yeah” you sighed “but they don’t get to touch.”

“I don’t either.”

“Not right now...” you trailed off insinuating he would get the chance to do so later.

You had just stepped out of the shower when you heard a knock at your door. “Come back later” you shouted not wanting the hotel staff to see you draped in a towel.

“It’s me” a familiar voice whispered loud enough for you to hear.

“Jiyong?” you asked.

“Open up before someone sees me.”

You quickly let him in and laughed seeing how covered up he was in comparison to you. He had a hat, glasses, mask, just everything he could do to hide his identity had been done. “Why are you here? You have sound check in an hour and I have to go meet you there soon.”

“That’s why I came. Look” he pulled off the scarf he had worn to conceal the purplish bruise on his neck.

“Did I do that?” You gasped when you saw the hickey on his neck. You swore you had been careful to avoid this exact situation.

“You need to cover it up before I leave.”

You sighed, “Sit, I’ll get my makeup bag.”

Jiyong did as you said and sat down on your bed to wait for you. When you came back out of the bathroom with the makeup kit he noticed you had managed to get dressed in the process. “Why did you change?”

You looked at him with one brow arched. “Because I’m not going to do this in a towel.” That was too much vulnerability for you. You laid out your makeup on the bed as you looked for the concealer. You squeezed a small amount on your ring finger and began patting it onto his neck.

Jiyong watched your bare face in awe. You didn’t look intimidating at all like this. His eyes were on your lips as a wet strand of hair had stuck itself near them.

Once you were done you faced him head on to see if it was well hidden. “Looks good” you smiled, involuntarily.

He found himself leaning forward, wanting to kiss you and you let him. Jiyong pressed his lips lightly against yours. His hands went up to hold you steady. This kiss was different from the rest. It was soft, tender, the opposite of Jiyong.

At first, you struggled to match the pace but soon you were melting into it. Your lips moved in a steady rhythm making your legs give out. Jiyong caught you without breaking the kiss. He reeled you in making you spread your legs and sit on his lap while facing him.

He stopped momentarily when he felt your hands working on the button of his pants. This is when you stopped and removed yourself from the situation. “Don’t you have to go?” you asked him scared that if this continued you would do something for real.

Jiyong’s face clearly showed disappointment. “Yeah, I guess I do.” He got up and left.

You sighed deeply as you recalled how your body moved without your consent. You didn’t even realize what your hands were doing, your mind was clouded by Jiyong’s slow tender kiss.

Jiyong groaned as soon as he got in the elevator. “So close” he whispered to himself as he shook his head. All he wanted was for you to admit you liked him so he could do the same. He wanted to be with you but his pride didn’t allow him to make the first step and neither did yours.

After the final concert Jiyong came to you tired. He sat down in your chair watching as you put away all your equipment. Most of the staff had gone back to the hotel already making it possible for him to talk to you alone in his dressing room. “Thank you for all the hard work.”

His thanks came so suddenly that you didn’t know what to say. “You’re welcome, you do know it’s my job to do this.”

“I know. I just appreciate you being the one who does it for me.” He gave you a smile, not a smirk, a smile. You cleared your throat trying to avoid getting into a situation like before was your main goal. “Do you want to go somewhere and eat with me?” he asked.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea.” When you finished putting away the last of your stuff Jiyong remained in the chair. You didn’t know if it was okay for you to leave or if you had to wait for him. “Aren’t you leaving?”

“Why isn’t it a good idea?” Jiyong was going to let you go but when you turned around he decided to pursue. He got up and walked towards you with his usual cool demeanor. “Let’s go.”

“I can’t” you reminded him. “We can’t be seen together or people will think we are...”

“But we’re not...” a smirk grew on his face, “Or are we?”

You shook your head, “Not unless you say you love me.”

“Only when you give in and say it first.”

Now it was your turn to smirk. “I won’t be the first. That’s why I can’t accept your invitation.”

It had been a few days since he came back from the tour. He was expected to rest and be inactive for a while but that meant he wouldn’t get to see you. That’s why he decided to let YG know that he wanted to do something. “I’ll do a collab or variety show appearance, I don’t know what I’ll do but I’m going to be active.”

YG sat back surprised. “Well Jiyong you can do it but the staff is busy with the new projects.”

“That’s okay, I just need Y/N to be my stylist. If it’s her then one is enough.” Jiyong didn’t care if he made his true intentions clear to YG. He was allowed to have a personal life and so were you as long as you didn’t cause trouble to the company.

“I’m sorry Jiyong but Y/N already has a busy schedule.”

“Please just do me a favor one time and let her be my stylist for my next activity.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

When Jiyong got down to the main lobby he spotted you saying goodbye to some of the other staff. You were on your way out of the building, pulling along your heavy makeup kit when you felt a presence. Looking over your shoulder you saw Jiyong walking only a step behind you. “What are you up to today?”

“Not much” he pretended to be passing by.

“It’s my understanding that you should be home today.” You stopped walking to take a look at him. “Did you miss me that much?”

Jiyong laughed, “Did you not miss me?”

“I don’t know” you shrugged. “Want to find out?”

“I do.”

“Y/N I would like to know if you were interested in styling Jiyong for the next couple of months.”

“I thought he was done with promotions.”

YG nodded, “Yes but he seems to be in the mood to work and will be making some television appearances here and there. With the IKON comeback and AKMU promotions I can’t really give up too much staff so Jiyong asked I send you with him.”

“He asked for me?”

YG nodded.

It was late at night when Jiyong was spotted roaming the halls. “Can I help you Mr. Kwon?” the receptionist asked.

“Do you know if there are still people in the styling department?”

She nodded, “Yes, there is one person who still hasn’t come down.” After a quick look at the sign in sheets the receptionist gave Jiyong your name prompting him to go look for you.

When he found you in a room alone he quietly slipped in and locked the door without you noticing. Your back was to the door as you looked through pictures on the computer screen. It wasn’t until you got up that you noticed Jiyong sitting on a couch close to the door. “Oh my god what are you doing here? You scared me!”

“I like your hair like that.”

“Like what?” You realized you had put your hair up and immediately let it lose. “You always sneak up when I’m alone.”

“When you are alone is when I get to see that pretty face of yours turn pink.” He patted the spot next to him for you to sit but you shook your head refusing to sit next to him.

“YG called me in today.”

“What did he say?”

“I think you know.” You approached him with narrowed eyes. It was frustrating that he kept showing you how wonderful he was. You felt yourself getting weaker every time. Playing this game was proving to be dangerous but you had to pull it together and play along because you couldn’t just stop seeing Jiyong. You wanted more of him but you wanted him to want you more than you wanted him.

You knelt down on the ground in front of him, placed your arms on his lap and rested your head on top of them. Looking up at him you smiled to try and get him worked up. “I was asked to be your stylist for tomorrow.”

He leaned forward so you were face to face. “And what did you say?”

“I said no.”

“Why no?”

“I don’t feel like my touch does much for you now. So I decided to step back for a while until you came begging for more.” You let go of him and placed your hand on the couch to get up but he pulled you back down.

You moaned in surprise as he started kissing you hungrily. You knew you couldn’t give him the upper hand so you went along and responded.

When your lips went to his neck Jiyong knew what you would try to do so he could stop. “Don’t leave a mark if you’re not going to be my stylist tomorrow.” You were now moving on to take care of the IKON boys at your own request.

You stopped the stimulation and got off of his lap. Sitting beside him you crossed your legs, causing your skirt to rid up further. If it weren’t for your pantyhose Jiyong was sure he would have a better view. “You’re so bossy Jiyong. Even though I’m doing all the work.”

“You are just teasing me for your own pleasure.”

“Did you want more?” You thought for a second how strange this was. You were used to him fighting back but now it seemed he was giving in and enjoying so you wanted to give him one last push. “I’ll stop.”

“What?” His heart dropped hearing those two words. He didn’t know why today his emotions were getting the best of him. He didn’t want it to stop. He liked this and he needed you to like it too. This whole time he held back wanting to drive you crazy but it seemed his holding back wasn’t working. You had complete control of him and he didn’t like that. He decided to let his actions speak for him now.

When you made a move to stand you felt a hand on your shoulder. “Wha-” before you could ask what was wrong you were pushed down onto the couch. Jiyong stopped you from protesting the move by keeping your mouth busy with his.

The move was nothing new but what shocked you was when his hands took hold of your thighs. He put one on either side of him, his nails dug into the sheer nylons that adorned your legs as he held you in place.

Ripping them made you go into a panic. This was another Jiyong. He was showing desperation.”You have to stay with me.” His pride didn’t matter anymore, you mattered. “I need you.”

You were left speechless. No one else but you knows how hard it is for Jiyong to admit he needed someone. You broke him, now you had to fix him by giving him what he had wanted. “I need you too.”

-end-

A/N: It just seems like a bunch of sexy encounters because this was me practicing to write smut but I can’t do it you guys. Sorry I tried but this is all you guys can expect from me.

I prefer fluffy angsty shit.

#kpop scenarios #big bang scenarios #gd scenarios #jiyong scenarios #gdragon scenarios #G-Dragon Scenario #kwon jiyong scenarios #kpop #kwon jiyong #big bang #gd #g-dragon #gdragon #jiyong

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