#i am too tired rn. ig when i go home to my bf i have more motive to like function nd get up tjo i still fall asleep after work usually but

[girlwithfish]

literally wot is wrong w me

#cant find any motivation to get out of bed or energy etc.. hungry asf but too tired to make dinner even if its smth as simple as boxed pasta #i am too tired rn. ig when i go home to my bf i have more motive to like function nd get up tjo i still fall asleep after work usually but #after i like wanna get up n eat so i can spend time w him nd do stuff byt #since im alone today i feel like i have no rzn to get up. i am so depressing #just in like an executive dysfunction way too like i wanna get up nd relax nd do stuff but i also have to eat nd possibly shower(i rly shld) #But i also Dont want to and i am way too tired rn so wot do i doooo #i shld just suck it up nd make dinner i need the energy #Im tryna go to sleep by like 10pm today lmaooo

[thepeopletm]

11/5/2021 -💤? idk 6:00 pm

2day we had 2 spend hours around some1 we don’t like. we also we’re dissociating for half of it, wilbur fronted for awhile to help us out w socializing. overall it waz kinda a blur tbh. we saw sad-its new video which was kewl :] i’m extremely tired zince last night a new alter fronted and decided 2 chug the last of our monster under a minute and left me having 2 deal w the effects of it (which was not fun) usually once every month we’ll be paranoid that we’ll die that night, it’s kinda a long story so i’ll explain later probably :p sorry these posts are always usually short, i can’t remember much even tho i wanna talk abt interesting stuff. Today was nice tho cus we didn’t have school since the braves won apparently. later i’m gonna get ice cream and watch tiktokz and yt maybeee and play genshin and cookie run, hopefully we get to play genshin w my sister!! or hopefully she’ll help us out our led lights on!! :D anyways that’s abt all 4 now! (also random thing whenever i get home from school or a friends house i always see my cat laying on the bed sleeping but she’ll be awake by the time i open the bedroom door, and when i try to lay down or anything she’ll immediately climb on me to sleep just like how she’s doing rn. sad tho cus i have to get to a comfortable spot and unlock the door even tho shes sleeping on me ☹️) bye byezzz

11/5/2021 -📀? 7:56pm

Sometimes I get paranoid that c!Dream is watching me somewhere, our c!Ranboo gets extremely paranoid and anxious when he sees the dream smiley face when he’s fronting which sucks :( but idk right now it feels like someone is watching me ig.

Also tw for self harm? And gross stuff ig?

One time when we got extremely sick we tried to drink more water but immediately after we’d throw it up, but at the time we didn’t care and kept drinking it anyways. Somehow it kind of made it as a self harm thing. So whenever we feel like we need to throw up we’re so used to it that when we say “hey i might throw up later, just a heads up” our friends will go “oh my god r u ok? do u need to rest? do you need help?” and we’ll go “no dw it’s fine! i’m used to it” cause i am, with our adhd meds we have to take if we didn’t eat breakfast we’d throw up every morning at school even if it was just some water. Every time we throw up it’s always fuckin painful cause it hurts my stomach and ribs and torso a lil too much which is kinda concerning considering we need to get our ribs checked asap. But either way if we feel nauseous like our head hurts or stomach doesn’t feel good we’re so used to it that it doesn’t phase us, and in fact my head is blurred a lot rn i think cause of the monster that bitch ass headmate chugged last night. So i might try to throw up later even though it won’t do anything. Overall I’ve just been feeling like shit. We’ve been having somewhat “extreme” pains in the sides of our stomach/torso and when we move sometimes it feels like our ribs are moving an organ or something. And sometimes our stomach or bladder (i think?) hurts or like that one word that starts with an “s” i think? i just can’t remember it rn, anwyays basically we have a lot of problems and my mom STILL hasn’t called the fucking doctor when she said she was going to. AND THAT WAS A MONTH AGO!! AND she STILL hasn’t brought us to therapy or tried to fix the payment issues so i cant even talk to my therapist to ask if we can find a new one to help with our disorder!! She doesn’t care about her own children very much unless it’s cooking for us, and she’s made that very clear when she leaves for almost all day and night to go out with her friends or her bitch ass bf. How the hell did she expect our twin to be happy here when she gets drunk of tipsy every weekend??? Also her bf is fuckin weird. He comments on things he doesn’t have the say to, He’s literally been here for a few months and yet he commented on how messy my room was. He was like “yeah you better clean that room of yours cause it’s disgusting” or something like that. LIKE?? SIR. You have no fucking say in my room. Anyways i’m getting a huge headache and stomach feels like mush and i hate how we feel rn, i think we might be sick?? Sorry for the vent if anyone is even reading this. I doubt it though.

#journal

[honeybellsurveys]

•́ε•̀٥

Do you have a little sister? I wish :( The last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them?  Too many times to count. Do you know anyone who has been arrested? Yes. Think a lot before you fall asleep? Always. Ever been the only one trying to fix a relationship? Sort of. Are you guilty of flirting too much? Nah. Did you ever set up a lemonade stand when you were a kid? Yeah, once or twice. Does virginity matter to you? Not really. Do you know anybody who was abused? Yes. Have you ever bought or sold something on Facebook Marketplace? No. Do you feel uncomfortable sharing drinks with other people? Not if we are close. Is there something that happened in your past you hate talking about? Not really? Is there a difference between just love and in love? For sure. Are you good at admitting your problems? I find it hard to do. How many times have you dated the person you’re with now? Not with anyone currently. Has your cell phone ever rung in class? No, my phone is always on silent anyway. Do you ever feel like just laying down and giving up? Sometimes, but I haven't in a long time. Have you ever lied about your age? When I was younger. Lied about your name? No. Do you sit on the mattresses in furniture stores? Sometimes. Are there some topics that you aren’t very open about? It depends on the person. Have you ever had an encounter with a very dangerous animal? Yes. Have you ever fed a wild animal people food? All the time. Would you rather die or eat another human being? Lmao ya’ll gonna think I'm crazy. Do you wish that animals could talk? Why or why not? Oh my god that would actually be amazing, imagine all the knowledge you’d be able to learn and all the deep friendships you could make. Who did you last fall asleep with? Ruth Ann. Now your cell phone, what color is it? Rose gold. Who were you last in a car with? Katelynn, her bf and Angie. What color was the last vehicle you were in? Silver. Have you had “the best night of your life”?  I hope not. Toilet papered someones house? No. Who was the last person you high-fived? A girl named Amy I met downtown last weekend lmao. Do you own a romper? Yes. What does your computer’s slow-loading cursor look like? Idek. Would you rather have a trampoline or swimming pool? I have both so. What was the name of the first porcelain doll you got? Don’t remember. Do you sell any products? If so, what? I don’t. If not, do you want to start a business? ^ Have your parents ever crushed your dreams? No. Do you own anything cheetah print? A pair of period panties lmao. Have you ever made a collage for your bedroom wall? Nope. Do you make DIY projects and gifts? No. Owls or peacocks? Owls. Lions or horses? Lions. Is your kitchen floor black and white checkered? Nope. What do you make wishes on? Shooting stars. What’s the best natural pain reliever? Hot water. Do you like trees? Yes, I love all plants :) What’s your favorite Paramore song? That’s a tough one omg but probably The Only Exception. What is your favorite color for bridesmaid dresses? Baby Pink or a pretty soft yellow !! Do you think you are pregnant? No. Do you like the ocean? I love it, water makes me so happy. Are you too shy to ask someone out? More along the lines of too insecure. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? Yeah. Is there a high chance of you going out to the movies soon? Maybe, I wanna see The Nun. What are you listening to? “Reflection internal”- Nujabes. Have you ever dated someone longer than a year? Almost. Would you be able to climb out your bedroom window to sneak out? I don’t live with my parents so there’s no need for that, I'm on the third floor of my building though so if I ever did want to it wouldn’t work out lmao. Can you taste the difference between brand name food and store brand food? Sometimes. Would you be embarrassed to buy pads/tampons/condoms? Which one more? Wouldn't be embarrassed to buy any of them. Do you still own a VCR? I have one lying around back home somewhere. Have you ever purchased Girl Scout cookies? Yep. Do you own a nightgown?  Yes lmao. Who is one rapper that just always tends to get on your nerves? Why? Cardi B. Has anyone ever made you breakfast in bed? Were they trying to suck up? No one has ever made me it :(( When will be the next time you’ll get a shot? What is this shot anyway? Idk. When will you next eat tacos? Do you even like tacos, or not so much? Idk when I'll eat them next but I like them. Do you know anyone who is pregnant? Yep!! Would you or have you ever engaged in casual sex? I guess I sort of have engaged in it before but not really because it lead to a real relationship not long after lmao, however if I had no romantic feelings for someone I would prob engage in it now. What’s your favorite thing about spring? The rain, new life, the melting snow and the smell that’s always in the air. Have you ever tried belly dancing? If so, did you like it? Never tried it haha. Were you a part of any clique in high school? Nah. Have you ever given blood? No but I'd like to. Do you like the way you grew up? Yes I had a very happy childhood. Would you prefer to read or write poetry? Read. If you were to have a child, what would the last name be? Mine ig. Are you currently working? And if so do you like your job? I’m not working. Have you ever walked out on a job or just not showed up? No. Have you told your parents all of your secrets from when you were a teen? No, I still am a teen haha. Would you rather be able to fly or walk on water? Fly. What’s the best club you’ve ever been to? Never been to one. Which sport are you the best at playing? Competitive swimming if that counts. Do you know anyone who has gotten pregnant despite using contraception? Probably. Are you planning on buying a house in the near future? No. What was your favorite family vacation you went on as a kid? Trip to Alberta. What’s something about you that others might find unpleasant or off-putting? I can be kind of distant and very quiet at times. Have you ever kissed someone with a beard? Not a full on beard but they had a lil bit of facial hair. When you were younger, did you believe in Santa?  Yeah. Are you going to make your kids believe in Santa? Of course. Have you ever made your own calendar? No. What foreign language did you take in high school? French. Do your parents have gray hair? No. What’s your favorite Katy Perry song? Don’t have one What was the last thing you did that made you feel proud of yourself? Finished my English assignment and figured out the first two questions on my math. What was the last significant and great thing that happened in your life? Started university and met lots of great people. What is your favorite Starbucks’ drink? I don’t go there much but I like their pumpkin spice lattes and refreshers. Who are your last 3 missed calls from? They’re all from my mom haha. Do you like Skittles? Sure. Do you blow dry your hair? Yes. How do you like your eggs? Fertilized. What song is the catchiest song you know? 365 So Fresh! What is your greatest life accomplishment? Don’t know yet. Who is the last person you left a voicemail for? I don't leave those. Which is better: the Twilight book, or the Twilight movie? Neither. Do you enjoy crossword puzzles? Not really idk. Do you own any records?  Yep. Who was the last guy you called? Idk. You can only listen to THREE CDs for the rest of your life. What are they? I’m too tired to think about this. What is the most unique or uncommon thing about you? My whole being is unique and uncommon. What happened the last time you were in a fight with someone? They hung up on me lmao :-) Have you ever been in a physical fight? Who started it? No. What is your favorite type of kiss/way of kissing? Sloppy and sexual with lots of tongue. Favorite form of affection in general/not sexual/etc? Cuddles. What do you think about anime? LOVE. Who is the last person you unfollowed on Tumblr, and why did you do this? I can’t remember who that would be. What are some upcoming concerts in your town/city? There is like a Christian one being held here thanksgiving lmao. Is there any type of medicine you can’t take? For what reason? Not that I know of. Would you rather have potato or chicken noodle soup if you had to? Chicken noodle soup. If something on your body hurts, which part is it most likely to be? My nipples rn since they are newly pierced haha. Is Russian or Native American history more interesting to you? Loved learning about Russian history. Have you ever put gum on the bottom of your desk/chair? No. Would you rather go to the movies, drive-in, or stay at home and watch a movie? Go to the movies. Would you ever be a race-car driver? No. What kind of deodorant do you use? Secret cool water lily, smells so good. Have you ever wished you were born the opposite sex? No. What was the last thing you spent a lot of time thinking about? My ex. What do you think about astrology/the zodiac? If you used to believe/not believe in it, what changed your mind? I’m not a super avid believer but I find it to actually be pretty accurate sometimes and I like to learn about it, it’s fun. What is one conspiracy you believe in? Or one you think is total crap? Idk I believe in so many conspiracy theories there are a lot. Where was the last place you didn’t want to go but had to anyway? Class this morning. When was the last time you yelled/screamed and why? I dunno. What was the last big decision you made? Do you think you made the right choice? To breakup with my ex, I think it was the right decision for both of us although it really hurt and still do sometimes. What Hogwarts house are you in? What do you think about the “stereotypes” regarding your house? I always say i’m Slytherin even though I don’t even read/watch Harry Potter. What is something you want to do, but you don’t think you’ll ever be able to? Travel the world. When was the last time you left somewhere for forever (or at least don’t plan on returning)? Dunno. What was the last thing you quit? ^ Do you like to help people? How about animals? Which would you rather help, if it applies? Of course I like to help both, it depends on the situation which I'd like to help more. As an adult, what is the most and least you’ve weighed?  Not sure. What is something you like that no one else you know likes too? No idea. What is something you don’t like that everyone seems to like? X. Do you follow a particular diet/meal-plan/ethic? Nah. What is a subject you tend to avoid with other people, for whatever reason? My sexuality. What is the longest (or most involved) thing you’ve ever written? An English research paper. Do you prefer to live with others or by yourself? Why is this? I have a roommate n I lover her :) the university put us together. What scares you about getting older? The physical effects health wise. What about something you’ve done that sounds too wild to believe? Raised up ducklings in my closet hahah. What was the last thing someone made fun of you for? I don’t know. Do you have a member of the opposite sex you’ve told everything to? Pretty much. What color hair do you find sexiest on the opposite gender? Black n dark brown. Who last slept in your bed besides you? My ex (my bed back home) no one has slept in my dorm bed besides me yet. If the last person you had sex with asked you to date them, would you? I’d heavily consider taking them back but I mean. If you could see any musician live, front row, who would you choose? BTS!! I’ve been on the Kpop grind lately.