#i am mentally ill 👍👍

[macroglossus]

being evaluated for adhd by having one of those full psych evals that last like two hours. scared frightened etc.... last time i took it i lied extensively bc i was 13 and thought they might tell my mommy if i said i had suicidal thoughts. and i still have a habit of lying to therapists bc i'm embarrassed......... AGH idk. what if i take it and they tell me that the reason im Like This is bc im genuinely just weird and shitty and not bc im mentally ill at all. SCARED

#which is dumb bc i have been formally diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses i dont think they can just take it back right????? #this is so stupid and cliche but what if i have been faking it........ all along........ Argh. #when i was in res i was put on adderall (bc the house psych just kind of experimented w meds LMFAO) and i had to go off them after like #two weeks bc it was affecting my appetite in a way i couldnt afford at the time lmao. but i do genuinely feel like it helped during that #time.... which is why i want to go on it again!!!! but im scared theyll just be like nah and i wont be able to take any of my meds anymore #is that crazy. am i being crazy rn. idk i truly do think most of my experiences w school and like. life could be explained by adhd and #when i was a kid they thought i had it but the two meds they tried didnt work for me so they just. kind of gave up #and i was really extremely unable to do school and graduated hs w an insanely low gpa and then dropped out of community college. LMAO. not #that people w adhd cant be good in school i just couldnt make myself do homework and couldnt listen in class bc i was too busy focusing on #listening. if that makes sense #IDK. idk. i know it's become like. a trend to have adhd is the issue and everything is being attributed to having it so im worried that ive #like. accidentally fallen in w that? even though ive thought i had it for forever and everyone has been like girl do you have this. IDK!!!! #idk. idkkkk im just like. genuinely scared. it's not the end of the world if im not diagnosed obviously but that means that #im just like this for no reason at all. and there's no way of helping it bc it's just the way i am. and i actually am just shitty n lazy. #epic. which incidentally is the proper name for how fucking long these tags are my bad. if you read this far sorry for being insane 👍

[tenpixelsusie]

for a guy who calls himself silly i sure aren't feeling silly

#(i think i hauve covid voice) i think i hauve a mental illness #i hate this. i hate getting frustrated at small things and getting angry. everytime i apologize it wont make it better because itll happen- #over and over again. and especially when its the people who already see me as satan reincarnated they'll see me as the problem child foreve #vent #im a bad person 👍 let me wallow in seeing myself as a shitty person who hurts people becayse thats what i am ok

[moe-broey]

Lif voice KILL YOURSELF NOW‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

#fire emblem #feh #SORRY I DO TRY to avoid making suicide jokes but. lif's interactions w dimitri are just the funniest fucking thing to me #LIF PLEASE. he's not even medicated STOP BULLYING THE MENTALLY ILL MAN #both alfonse and lif will see someone minding their own business working through whatever issue they might have #and both are like. well i took that personally. #i am going to resolve this (in the worst way possible). i'm helping. #fe lif #fe dimitri #suicide mention #<- jokey but wanna cover my basis 👍

[ormymarius]

Hey I’m shy when it comes to you but you seem chill- kinda mentally ill sometimes but chill

oh…. Okay

#I am mentally ill 👍

[nerime]

I had breakfast at a "vintage cafe" and this is what I was served on

fellas ...... we old

#neri stfu #also just in tags bc i feel like i only rant and amnoy everyone here lately #but i legitimately feel like an alien that got dropped on earth by accident and has to copy everyone else's behaviours to look normaler #i am not feeling it. i guess for a long time I've been in a bubble of my close friends now #who just. get it. and get that sometimes i need to be alone or just idk that im insane and im gonna freak out if they do particular things #and they don't do things that make me uncomfortable or idk. mental illness support circle i guess since we all just Get It #🤡👍 #prompted by me being at a very uncomfortable social situation today (AND tomorrow...)

[caffeinatedopossum]

Remembering the best bittersweet times of my life with people who will probably never be in my life again. crying, screaming, clutching the bathroom sink until my knuckles turn white, etc

#it wasnt bittersweet because i miss it btw it was bittersweet because i was in a really bad situation and still #just as mentally ill as i am today 👍 i was on a trip to another state but i was still just a kid #and i remember the sinking in the pit of my stomach when i had to go back to that house with my mom that never felt like home #i missed the motel room we stayed in so much for months after that. i wished i couldve stayed there forever #i was so depressed and miserable but i was actually able to *do* things while i was there. for just a few day i was able to forget #i wish i could do that again #it brings back painful memories how one of the people on that trip really let me down. idk. pain and sorrow love and joy etc

[codecicle]

WAIT DID A STRANGE WAY OF LIFE DROP IN THE US⁉️⁉️‼️‼️‼️

#i make yet anothet post just for me 👍 #everyone give me a moment. i fear i am going to be mentally ill

[vanillabat99]

I booked an appointment with my doctor for early April!! I highly doubt the bump will go away by then, as it has been there for a couple months. If anything it seems to be getting worse ._.

There's nothing on the surface of my skin where it is, it's not in a spot that would make sense to me for a muscle injury, it's firm, and it's painful. I have no idea what could've caused it. I need to get some sleep before I start panicking over "what if" scenarios... I really hope it's nothing serious :(

#listen. not to alarm anyone. but ive kinda had a gut feeling about what it is. and i very much want to be wrong 👍 #also. i have severe anxiety. it is highly likely this is just a cyst or something and im simply having a Moment. #at least i booked an appt 😭 #i have had a sinking feeling for like over a year about my health. really hope its not true. #(do not panic. i am mentally ill and so so sleepy rn. just wanted to post in case i need to look back on this later.) #batty blogging #text

[bbqhooligan]

ok im putting this on tumblr cuz where else does it go i have a super hot int law professor shes REALLY like. hot late thirties woman who knows it i was watching her disgusting evil ass class but i was suddenly struck by how hot she was and like no joke for a single second i was out here praying she wasnt married THE FUCK are you even on bro. you were closer to writing 10k student teacher smut than you were to even THINKING about you and her in reality. WHAT!!!

#mypost #im so removed from this life its not even funny. i live in escape wdym i have never enjoyed the thought of myself with anyone #depression detachment escape maladaptive daydreaming derealization ace spectrum neurodivergence dysphoria FIGHT #<- string of words that makes anyone wanna kill you #its ok its not pathologizing if it all boils down to measuring the conditions of your existence and your mental wellness and reporting back #with like: i am not well not okay and not alright chief 👍👍👍 #maybe one day existing wont be so difficult and painful and ill get my head out of my ass and feel comfortable in my own skin? #hm? #if this body wasnt so uninhabitable (itself its ties and its life) #then maybe i wouldnt be so. unliving

[ratscraftz]

You really are my everything.

Funny part is, I mean that literally! Ahaha!

#So I finished ddlc. I think I can say I am now more mentally ill then I was before👍 #I drew it bg from memory so it's probably way off #doki doki literature club #monika #my art

[lammergayier]

No disrespect to One Piece fans this whole thing is obviously not any of your guys' faults but these fucking ads are pushing my half-hearted dislike of it closer and closer to seething hatred with each passing day

#seriously who's idea was this #literally fuck right off with your triggering-ass ads #they are not fucking funny that shit can seriously mess with people who are mentally ill #like if your goal was to convince me to watch or read One Piece congratulations I am definitely Never going to do that now #👍 #*bird mimicry noises*

[sapphic-storm69]

I love being obsessed with characters and wanting to be like them like yes I HAVE to work out so I can get ripped and look like Gideon Nav and Abby Anderson because they are SO COOL and YES, they’d be proud of me ‼️‼️

#what mental illness is this #they’re fucking ripped and are so cool !!! :) #haha I am normal 👍 #tlou 2 #psychologists on here feel free to diagnose me id love to know what’s wrong #tlou 2 abby #abby anderson #the last of us part 2 #gideon nav #gideon the 9th #gideon the ninth #tlt #the locked tomb

[milo-is-rambling]

Continueing the adventure of my last posts tags and reliving my childhood fears and general existence in my family which I have subconsciously packed away and literally have not been able to remember chunks of my childhood even when trying to remember what I did as a kid 👍 anyways back to it. Snuck into the bathroom. Didn’t puke. Win for drunk and high Milo. The bathroom door however is the loudest creakiest door in existence. Getting in here she for sure knows I’m awake. Now it’s her choice to attack with the trying to talk to me or to completely ignore me or to continue waiting and watching to attack her bait (me trying to exist without her involvement for like any amount of time) also there’s been a development. It wasn’t the living room or kitchen lights on making the hallway light up it was her bedroom door open with her bedroom light on. So good news bad news. Good news. She’s not in the living room. Less of a chance of her trying to talk to me. Bad news. Shes in her room and the door is exactly fully visible from the loud ass creaky bathroom door so if she’s in the main part of her room she will see me if she looks for me. I could camp out in the bathroom until her lights turn off. (Side note. All of this. Is how I legitimately thought of my life as a child. I was a mommy issues ninja. I was sneaking from room to room when her back was turned and trying to sneak away to read my book in silence or make my dolls have gay sex.) this reminds me so vividly of my childhood. My brothers bedroom had one of those humidifiers that had fish in it (not real fish they’re plastic like 2D fish) (someone please know what I’m talking about) but he had it and it kind of made like a bubbly sound and I would hear that through my bedroom wall all night and I would hear sounds of light traffic outside cause we lived in a small town it was mostly nature sounds and crickets and frogs and occasional dog barks. And the sound of my window fan going constantly on high and I would climb in and out of bed and watch the way the moon lit up the neighbors roof and I would watch the grass blow in the wind and in the morning I would walk barefoot through the dew and pick dandelions and walk to the bus stop in the cold with my cute little jacket and backpack and it felt like home and it felt safe and I was happy and I had friends I can’t believe life isn’t that anymore. I just heard my mom close her bedroom door score!!! We outlasted her. Also ps I’ve been sitting in the bathroom on the floor with the bathroom light off and the door completely closed and locked. I have mental health issues. I’m on a stealth mission my mother isn’t aware of at all and it literally just living her life and doesn’t care whatsoever what I’m doing. Anyways. Yeah. Being a kid in Maine everything just felt right and I’ve gone back to Maine and it’s just changed. We couldn’t even go inside the house I grew up in. And even if we could it would have all been different. We sold half our shit when we moved to New Hampshire when I was nine. Mom and dad couldn’t find work. But they found a job working at the same company together in New Hampshire so we sold half our shit and moved and rented a house that we went on to buy and call home for eight years. And then we moved to Florida and dad died and I went to Maine for the service. The house was different. Even from the outside. My grandmothers house no longer felt like home either. I was too tall. My head hit the ceiling fan when I walked. My grandparents were now at least six inches shorter than me and nothing in their lives had changed since I was a kid. Except for the heavy thick layer of grief and the feeling of death looming at the door. Now I know that’s dark but my grandfather is on his way out and my grandmother is losing her marbles. And both their kids died before them so like yknow I’m cutting them some slack here. They can live the same exact routine in life for twenty years who am I to judge if they get the same brand of puppy calendar every year with the same dogs in the same themed photos for every month just the

Dates are switched who am I to judge. Or when my grandfather buys a bar of hersheys dark chocolate and stores it in the fridge so it’ll break apart instead of melt in your mouth. Or how every night they watch the local news the weather then whelk of fortune and jeopardy back to back and then my grandmother puts me to bed (idk what she does now) and my grandfather shuffles his way to the dining room they never use that they only really use for storage and a singular big table and chairs set with a laptop on it (and a weird podium looking thing with a penguin candy jar on it all year round for some reason??) to watch his random shows or long ass documentary YouTube videos for hours and get seventy old person only computer viruses that we then have to help him deal with cause that laptop if the biggest source of joy in that man’s life. And then my grandmother gets ready for bed and eats a little dessert on the stool at the foot of her bed where her personal teeny tiny tv is to watch her law and order or her ncis or her bones or her whatever show is always on at night and plays the same like two seasons as reruns back to back. God I love them and their silly little simple life and I’m so glad I have that little slice of home. I will always be welcome there even if I am too big for the house and everything in it is fragile and all the furniture literally rattled when I walk bc my grandmother has weird taste that is like 70% china and 30% glass. Anyways. I love them and I love that house but I don’t feel like a kid there. I feel so so so out of place if anything it makes me sad to come back and realize that the only thing that’s changed that whole time is me. And now dad being gone obviously. And their health getting worse. But yknow. It’s there. And I’m thankful for that. I just wish I was still close with anyone there. We have my moms friend who I knew when I was a kid and don’t get me wrong I love their house and they’re so nice and goofy and redneck as fuck but the daughter I was once close friends with as a small child now doesn’t even talk to me or like look my way at all if I’m there so it also feels completely out of place now. They even fucking replaced the playground at the middle school. Like there is no where in my original home town that I can go back to and feel like a kid and it tears me up. I cannot physically describe how badly I need to go back to my elementary school in Maine and just walk through the halls and sit in the library and the computer lab and play outside on the playground. Truly the ages of 6-8 were the best years of my life cause when I turned nine we were either getting ready to move or had moved so eight was when I could still me a kid. Fuck. And then I finally felt like I was setting roots in New Hampshire and felt like I could almost breathe again they told me we were moving to a hot humid retirement / party state with alligators and sand instead of NORMAL GRASS and pine trees (sorry I am a proud sod hater give me real grass I hate not feeling like I can walk outside barefoot it is all rocks and fire ants and fake grass and spikes cactus evilness.) and now I live here. And my mom loves it. She is so happy and I just feel like I have no where else to go. I have no family or friends in the part of New Hampshire where we lived. I have no choice but to start over here. Either I start over here fully or I have to start here long enough to get out of here and start someone else to be broke and scared except also now you’re completely alone. And not even your mom who you adore but also kind of hate and you think she hates you but you know it’s just your brain saying that bc of course she loves you but also like… does she tho? Or is she holding the vow to you the same way she did to her husband. Telling anyone who would listen “I promised god and my dad that I was married to that man til death do us part” and then right after he died she’s like welp time to get back out there and she’s all happy glad about all this freedom she has now I know she’s like that with me I know she only loves me because

She has to she only loves me because I came out of her and me and my brother are all she has of my dad but my brother looks like him but acts like my mom but I act like my father and look like her so there’s that added self hatred if she looks at me and sees herself and wants to fix fix fix what isn’t hers to change about my life. And then I act like him and then there she is living alone with her dead husband again except no it’s his bitch of a daughter who will never love you as much as he did and it will forever be in the back of your mind even when you love me I will always be his child too. And you will never forgive me for that. She would leave me if I could handle it out there in the big bad world alone. I am the runt of this litter and I haven’t quite decided if I really want to survive it or not. It being life without constant attention care and devotion. And survive meaning is it better to have caused the pain now and make her proud later when I could just stop trying and let myself turn to dust in this room locked in from the outside watching shadows under doors and listening to the frogs croak outside. Summer heat settling in across my bedroom as I sneak out of bed and read my book with my flashlight until my mother walks by and yells to go to bed again. And the pink nightlight is illuminating the corner of my room with my Barbie’s and I want to play and feel like a kid again. I wish I could trade and be that kid for a day again. I want to play and feel free again and run just to run before my body started to hurt and ache and before I ever cut myself or held the gun in my hands and had to put it back down. I wish I could tell the childhood version of me that it gets better and it gets worse. You have to remember it all cause it’s gonna get lost in there. Really try to remember it all. And enjoy it. I’m proud of you for just being you.

I think I should drink every day forever actually if it makes me suddenly remember my childhood I’ve repressed for some reason that would be nice I could therapise myself thru poetry and long rambles that I throw poetic shit into and then call poetry even tho there’s really like three lines that weren’t completely off the dome. Anyways goodnight sorry for being your most annoying mutual forever ily I might delete this tomorrow

#WHY AM I WRITING A BIOGRAPHY FOR TUMBLR HELP I AM MENTALLY ILL ENJOY THIS CROSSFADE MILO LORE I MIGHT DELETE IT TOMORROW #👍👍👍

[girlhorrror]

every single time i get upset my mother is like are you mad at me did i do something girlll not everything is about you

#it’s like she forgets i am severely mentally ill👍

[sanchoyo]

on a less posi note i got another call from my doctors office saying 'oh can u come in today or tomorrow for ur labs? u had one done 3 months ago and u RLY need to get this checked/compared to that one!!' and its like. i talked to a nurse on the phone abt that appointment LAST WEEK!! (it was supposed to be this last monday) telling her that my insurance got cancelled and i absolutely had to cancel that appointment bc i cant pay for the 1. walk in fees without any copay 2. and the labs pay on top of that. the fact they called me again abt it rly did kinda upset me its like. i Know You Think I Need This But It Feels Like You Just Want Money. and did not listen to me the first time we talked abt this, last week!!! and making it sound so Urgent AFTER i said i cant afford it just freaked me out like They Have In Their Files that I have anxiety so Why Did they DO That. After I said I Cannot Come! and i felt rly embarrassed over the whole thing having to be like 'ya i cant afford it' even tho ik thats a reality for a lot of ppl besides myself yk. lol (': basically the Mood today is fuck the american health care system (hint: that is the Mood everyday)

#like why didnt the nurse i talked to last week from there make a note of it or smth?? #i didnt say 'ill reschedule'!! i said 'i need to cancel that and prob wont be able to come again anytime soon'!!! LIKE... #THAT DOES NOT MEAN CALL AGAIN AND TRY TO TALK ME INTO COMING.......im AWARE i prob need to get it tested but #at the same time if i did get money id put it towards my debt not medical stuff to put me into MORE debt like HELLO. sorry! #or even just put it towards my pets lol!!! #quite frankly if i do have hyperthyroid issues i dont want to know i changed my mind <3 stop calling me <3 #i simply do not see it (any new medical or mental issues) I have enough i am not able to manage as it is so! no thank you!! #sanchoyorambles #medical talk #<- ik some ppl get upset at medical stuff so blacklist that #im just still embarrassed and mad at myself for wht happened at that last job bc i couldve had insurance on part time. and it was a Easy Jo #with fucking free food and 4-5 hour shifts maximum. #but nooo. i freaked out and quit after (1) day. Very cool thank you past me 👍

[codecicle]

packing to fly to my dad's house in the morning if I'm a little less insane about codeflippa and qcharlie it's because I'm no longer mentally ill my bad 🙏🙏

#i make yet anothet post just for me 👍 #SLASH SILLY but also. sorta maybe kinda slash ess are ess #ive missed him and im so happy to be going home :] fuckin hate new york 😔😔 #im only gonna be gone for a little ill be back to mental illness posting again soon o/ ill answer asks before my flight #or after i land and am driving