#i am def in a pretty constant state of AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[mug-of-shark]

For that ask meme: a mix of AAAAAAAAAA and Seafoam (idk why)

mostly accurate actually :) except i dont cry that often

#i am def in a pretty constant state of AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #i also once went on a nature walk w my family and i was in the peak of my mental health crash (like. what? bit over half a year ago now?) #and basically #i just went silent. 3 hours #no noise #my mom my brother and my dad all had very different ideas on what was going on #my dad thought it was because i was trans and afraid to tell them (which like. thanks for ur concern but that wasnt the issue at the time) #my mom thought it was either me being suicidal and afraid to speak bc then i would say it or it was just a choice #my brother thought i was being bitchy for no reason #the weird thing is i didnt just suddenly shut up #for like 20 some-odd minutes before i was getting mad overwhelmed with them being loud and talky and i just slowly got more quiet #even when i did talk i was barely speaking above a whisper which i didnt quite get even then #it really solidified that i was not going to speak when i just kinda went ahead of them and sat on a riverbank to just chill in the sand an #not quite cry but i certainly felt like doing so #and i was like i am so out of energy. i cannot. im just tired and i want to be alone and vibe and not have to be on this long nature walk #but i couldnt explain that to my parents bc. well. i couldnt talk #i tried to about 3 or so hours in and i genuinely dont know why but i was terrified and couldnt even make like a small word. just a small #squeak #my mom was getting mad/scared and i was having a shit time and it was. it was an event ill give it that #anyways #this was a rant thing i wasnt expecting to go on today but like- yeah. now u know of the time i just Could Not Speak for 3-5 hours