#i Think the most terrifyin part to me is havin no control over it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

danteinthedevildom · 3 years

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Ngl I’ve been thinkin over the brother’s fears stuff from the most recent (?) lessons (bc I’m a dirty cheat and saw spoilers so ofc I went and looked up as much shit as I could) and like,

Ok shovin thots under the cut bc it got long oop. Also bc spoilers but y’know.

1 - Lucifer thinkin the “light” (which is ofc God lbr) was his fear despite not fearin it at all is p. weird. Like there was no hesitation, no fear. He just looked at it and went “ew it’s you never thot I’d see you again” and killed it. So clearly that’s NOT his actual fear. Def. Simeon’s I think, like he says a lil later.

So either Lucifer knew it was Simeon’s and “claimed” it to save Simeon’s feelins or smthn or he legit figured it was his fear bc the only thing he could think to be scared of is the guy who threw him out.

Which like. Is such a fuckin non-answer re: his actual fear (tho he did say once goin back to the Celestial Realm was his “greatest fear” or smthn so maybe that’s still true so they didn’t figure that bringin it up again’d be that fun), but is interestin bc it says a lot abt how he sees God.

Like. He got beat and kicked out and had his sister (almost) killed, but he’s still got 0 goddamn fear of his dad. Literal creator of everything God with a capital G don’t scare him. I figure bc he already did the worst thing he could’a done, and he survived that, so what else’s there to fear?

Tho it bein Simeon’s fear is... hm. Def. makes it sound like Simeon’s fearin seein God again. Either bc that’s just smthn any angel’d fear - maybe they only see God one-on-one if they’ve done smthn wrong so that’d be like seein your headteacher pop up outta nowhere, knowin he only comes outta the teacher’s room when you done fucked up - or bc he’s hidin smthn that makes seein God a really Bad Thing. Guilt or worries over some kinda sin?

I mean duh. He’s in love with MC. That ain’t a hidden thing anymore. He’s kissed MC plenty times and I think even said the L-word once or twice. That’s def. grounds to get murderised (as we know, RIP Lilith).

Also hella interestin in a metaphorical sense tho. Like, God’s a light. Simeon’s scared of somethin comin to light. Da-dum-tss, but what a hella cool way of showin that it’s a (technical) secret that’s got him all wound up.

2 - Mammon and Levi both fearin demon-form Lucifer is... understandable, but also kinda sad. Like, legit sad, not “wow ur so sad lol”.

Levi’s way of sayin it makes sense tho. Lucifer only goes full demon form when he’s hella pissed, or outta control. He’s so damn powerful he don’t need to go into that form often, bc he can handle p. much anythin without it - plus he’s just got a p. good control on himself, so no accidental demon-form slips.

Unless ofc he’s so fuckin angry that it just leaps out. We’ve seen it. He gets murderous, and boom - form’s out. Or, situation’s so damn dire it’s got him on edge, and boom - form’s out. Him bein in demon form’s never good.

But him bein in demon form and after them is even worse.

Makes me wonder tho. If it’d just been angry Lucifer, why’d Levi specify it as his demon form’s anger? He gets angry at them hella often, and Mams esp. is strung up p. much daily, so clearly they’re not scared of him bein angry at them.

It’s him bein angry at them while enraged. So either they’ve both pissed him off before bad enough that he’s gone full demon form, and whatever happened then was so fuckin terrifyin they’ve never recovered from it,

Or they know that demon form Lucifer is scary shit, and even tho he’s not gone for them like that before, it’s smthn they’re terrified of in principle. Like, you’ve seen your dad mad on the phone before, and he’s never yelled at you like that, but you know he’s capable of it and that’s terrifyin as shit bc what if you do smthn that pisses him off enough to yell at you like that?

A lil part of me leans towards the latter bc tho they were scared it wasn’t smthn Levi said as tho it’d happened. More like smthn he’s hypothetically scared of. Plus idk what times Lucifer’d be so pissed he goes full rage at them? His demon form’s only really come out when the family’s in danger. Even shit like Lotan bein summoned don’t usually end in a demon form Lucifer (I’m p. sure anyway).

3 - Ok so like who was surprised by this. Asmo’s beauty is p. integral to who he is. He’s nothin if he’s not beautiful, and that’s what I think scares him. Not the bein ugly, but that bein ugly means he’s not Asmo.

Means he can’t get the attention he needs, can’t be loved by ppl, won’t get all the adoration and affection - he won’t be popular. And Asmo hella needs to be reassured that he’s pretty and loved. It’s who he is and what his identity is based on.

Plus we’ve seen I’m p. sure a couple scenes where he’s been a lil worried/nervous abt if MC likes him for him. Beyond the beauty. He legit don’t think there’s anythin worth lovin if he’s not pretty, so ofc him bein ugly’s gonna be his biggest fear. Bc who’s gonna love him then.

4 - Also smthn no-one’s gonna be surprised by. It’s his whole sense of identity. That’s not gonna go away for him overnight, y’know? The fact that it was angel Lucifer, tho - not just, like, normal Lucifer - was a p. cool touch.

That’s his roots. Not Lucifer the demon - Lucifer the angel. That’s what he’s based on. Smthn he never was but was always part of.

He’s legit just the Lil Hal-Dirk connundrum which jfc that’s showin my fandoms huh. Is smthn that comes from smthn else its own unique person, or is it just a copy that’s always gonna get drawn back to what it was? How can it be original when everythin it is came from smthn else?

That’s a hell of an identity crisis. Even bein Wrath and bein p. physically different and even likin different shit’s not enough to stop that feelin of ig imposter syndrome? Or of just bein a fragment of smthn else. Esp. when you know everyone else’s their own damn being. No one can understand where he’s comin from bc his “birth” was totally unique. He’s not just, like, Lucifer’s son or whatever - he’s legit a part of Lucifer’s emotions that just got plopped out one day.

(Except ofc he’s not bc Lucifer knew he was different and felt him like a different presence for a while before the Fall but Satan’s got his memories and that’s kinda like bein someone anyway, ain’t it?)

So yeah, not surprisin, but also? I rlly hope he gets confident in who he is one day. Legit the idea that he’s still sittin there goin “who am I?” just hurts.

5 - This bitch got trauma. Lbr it was either gonna be Belphie or it was gonna be Lilith and we all knew that was comin. Beel’s still not over the death of Lilith and his “role” in it (bc survivor’s guilt is a bitch and he’s still thinkin “not being able to save two ppl in two different places at the same time” is a sin), so losin anyone else is gonna hurt him.

But bein the reason he lost them? Oh that’s gonna hurt him even more. Esp. with the blame he’s still puttin on himself. It’s one thing to be like the passive cause that someone died but bein the active cause? Even by accident? Poor Beel.

I don’t think anythin could’a been worse for him. That ain’t just a fear, that’s outright smthn he’s still strugglin with PTSD over. Like hell no shit he almost/did break down over it, that’s just shovin a trigger right in his face.

6 - Bein alone, bein abandoned, not bein able to find anyone in pure darkness. That’s... damn. Either that’s lingerin trauma from bein locked up in the attic, knowin that no one was gonna find him or could hear him (which, fuck, how much did he try’n call for his brothers to come get him only to realise no one was gonna come?), or smthn set up that fear before the attic and the attic just made it hells of worse.

Like that wasn’t just “bein in a room apart from ppl”, it was outright “not knowin where anyone is, or seein/hearin/feelin them”. Total sensory deprivation.

Oh. His worst fear’s not feelin anythin. That’s. Y’all.

Idk how to end this now I’m just big hurty thinkin abt the last two jfc. No wonder Belphie’s always wantin to be asleep next to smthn. “He sleeps better with someone there” no sir you just hella fear sleepin bc your sin’s legit exactly what you’re terrified of and havin smthn there’s the best way to fix it.

#obey me #danteintherambles #idk what to tag this as I got distracted like half way through lmao #Writin out this instead of figurin out homeschoolin stuff y'all know how it is

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atlafan · 4 years

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Take it Slow - Part Seventy-Two

a/n: okay this is my first shot at a harry:y/n fic, and it will be multiple parts. y/n had a bad experience with an ex over a year ago, and finally accepts her coworker and good friend Niall’s invitation to go on a blind date with his friend Harry.

Warnings: Fluff, smut, and angst if you squint.

Masterpost (all previous parts can be found in the masterpost)

You and Eleanor sat out on the balcony for a bit while so Harry and Louis could go hang out up in the loft and talk pictures and cameras and stuff.

“You look great, El.”

“Thanks, just wish I felt great.” She laughs. “I was hopin’ I’d be one of those pregnant women that only gain weight in the belly. Feel like everythin’ else is growin’ with it.” She sighs. “Although, I’ll say I’m startin’ to feel less gross now. At least you can tell I’m pregnant and not just fat.” You both laugh.

“You know Harry talks about wanting a baby all the time. He’s cooled it a bit now that we have Buster. I feel like he thinks the whole process is going to be a breeze.”

“Well of course he does, he’s a man. His hormones don’t get thrown out of wack, his body gets to stay the way it is, oh and after the only thing he gets to have happen to him as that he’ll be tired. I know I shouldn’t, but I’ve read so many disgusting stories about after havin’ the baby. The things they don’t really tell you. Like rippin’ all the way open to your arse, and what’s it’s like to really go to the bathroom for the first time. Your body is tryin’ to recover, meanwhile you’re expected to take of this new thing that just came outta yeh. Fuck’n terrifyin’.”

“Can I ask…I mean, was this planned, did you two have a slip up?”

“A mix of both actually. I had gotten off the pill because I knew we’d be wantin’ t’try in the next year or so and I just wanted to give my body some time to adjust. So naturally we switched to condoms.” She takes a sip of her water. “Lou, god love ‘em, didn’t notice that one of ‘em broke while we were usin’ it, I didn’t either. Next thing we knew I was throwin’ up most mornings and when we took the test sure enough it said I was pregnant. Broke his heart to move the date back for the wedding, but I refuse to either still be pregnant or have this nasty baby weight on me.”

“I don’t blame you at all. Your wedding day is supposed to be one of the best days of your life, you don’t wanna look back on the photos and be unhappy.”

“Exactly! I know I’ve been snippy with him lately, and he’s been so patient and understanding. With his ex he was the same way, probably more so, so she wouldn’t snatch Freddie away. Not that she would, but it was always in the back of his head.”

“Harry told me he talks to the baby every night.”

“Oh, he does.” She chuckles. “It’s actually really cute. He’ll help me rub some cocoa butter on, it’s to help with the stretch marks, and then he’ll hum and chat with it.”

“Are you going to wait to see what you’re having?”

“Yeah, we really wanna be surprised. No one does that anymore. Everyone’s doin’ these gender reveal parties now, and I really don’t like ‘em. You’re already determining the kid’s life and personality before it gets here.”

“I agree, they’re way over done.”

“Love?” Louis steps outside with Harry. “We should probably get goin’, wanna beat the traffic and all that.”

“Alright.” He comes over to help her up, not that she needed it. “You boys have fun lookin’ at your cameras?”

“Yup.” He smiles at her. “Thanks again for havin’ us.”

“You’ll stay with us again for the studio opening?” Harry asks. Louis freezes and looks at you.

“Um, I think Niall called dibs on us for that. Gotta take turns y’know?” He laughs.

“Oh…alright then.”

The two leave. You and Harry flop on the sofa with Buster.

“Poor thing, she’s not having an easy time.”

“Yeah, Lou was tellin’ me a bit this morning…they haven’t had sex in nearly two months.”

“Can you blame her? She feels disgusting. God, I’d probably feel the same way. Having literally no control over the way your body changes every day. Not to mention the bump getting in the way all of a sudden. I’d feel like I was crushing you.” Harry swallows hard, his anxiety returning. “Not to mention the resentment.” You laugh.

“Resentment?”

“Yeah, you know the cliché, you did this to me?” You laugh again, but his face stays solid.

“Do you really think it’s that bad the entire time?”

“No…I mean, everyone’s different. I know people who have had really easy pregnancies, but it’s not perfect one-hundred percent of the time. I’m sure things will get better, she’s just starting her second trimester, I heard that’s when things sort of level out.”

“Right…” He looks at Buster and pets him. “Glad we have this little guys for now. He’s all we need for the time being.”

“Couldn’t agree with you more.”

“Can I ask an awkward question?”

“Sure.”

“Erica and Kyle…I mean…that was a weird thing to bring up yesterday.”

“Oh god, I know.”

“I mean, not that I expect you guys to talk about your sex lives, but they thought I was chokin’ yeh to hurt yeh…”

“Yeah, they’re idiots.” You sigh. “We also grew up in sort of a strict home…sort of conservative about certain things. We watched movies that had sex and stuff in it, but I never had like a talk with my parents about it. And anytime I wanted to talk with Erica I just felt awkward. And god know Bridget had no experience. I learned most of what I learned from reading shit on the internet. Plus, I was always nervous with boys in high school. That first kiss story? I was fourteen right? Didn’t kiss another boy until I was seventeen, about to graduate from high school. Then, the next person I kissed was the guy I first had sex with nearly two years later. Did everything for the first time all in one night.” Harry nods. “See, I feel like I was the only one that was able to really explore sex because I was the only one to go away to school. Bridget and Kyle commuted. He had a couple girlfriends, but my parents made him sleep on the couch if he wanted one of them to sleepover.”

“Ah, classic.”

“As if my brother would do anything, his room was right next to my parents’.” You laugh. “And Erica’s been with her boyfriend for nearly ten years. I mean she had a few different boyfriends in high school, but she was locked down when she went to college. And then there was me…”

“You know, you’ve never told me your number.”

“And you’ve never told me yours. It’s not something I think we need to share. The guy I first slept with was the only guys I slept with for about four months. It was just a sex thing. He, however, had a few girls on rotation.” You roll your eyes at the memory. “Things ended in a bad way, it was messy. After that I got a Tinder and I started hooking up all the time. Had a few little relationships here and there, but nothing serious. I think my siblings would be shocked if they knew about all the shit I did, who I did it with, and where it was done.” You say blushing. “I basically told Erica she just needs to mind her own business, and that was that.”

“Good, because I don’t need anyone shamin’ us. There’s worse things we could be doin’ anyways.”

“Yeah, cause you know, anal totally isn’t worse than lightly choking someone.” Harry bursts out laughing and pulls you on top of him snuggle.

“Nope, not worse at all.”

“Bug spray?”

“Check.”

“Sun screen?”

“Check.”

“Water bottle?”

“Check.”

“Inhaler?”

“Check.”

“Sleeping bag?”

“Check.”

“Deo-“

“Babe, I promise, I got all my toiletries.”

“You’re going to be up in New Hampshire for two nights with probably zero cell service, I need to make sure you’re alright and have everything you need.”

He cups your face in his hands and kisses you.

“You’re gonna miss me a little, aren’t you?”

“Of course I am.” You pout. “I’m just glad Buster’s staying here with me, I’ll have someone to cuddle.”

“What are you and the girls doin’?”

“Well, they’re setting up shop here, in the guest room. We’re gonna do some face masks, nails, watch a ton of movies. It’ll be fun.”

“Good.” Harry looks at his watch. “Nearly eight, I gotta get this shit in the car and head out with Niall.”

“I’ll walk down with you, Buster probably needs to pee again. C’mon baby, let’s go say bye to daddy.” You pus the leash on him and walk down. Sarah was with Niall at Harry’s car.

“You’re never on time for anythin’.” Niall laughs.

“Alright, have a safe trip and a good time. If you have service, let us know when you get there.” Sarah says to Niall. They kiss and he gets in the car.

Harry gives Buster a hug, then looks at you.

“I love you, be good.” He says. You fake gasp.

“I am always on my best behavior.”

“With those two, oh yeah, for sure.”

“Love you too.”

He wraps his arms around you and gives you a deep kiss. You bite his bottom lip before he lets you go.

“Right.” He coughs. “Uh, bye.”

He gets into the car and drives off.

“You two…are disgusting.” Sarah laughs.

“Stop, we are not.” You sigh.

“Did you tell him we’re going out tonight?”

“You know, it slipped my mind.”

“I didn’t tell Niall either.”

“Come on, I’ll make us some breakfast, Rachel will be over later this afternoon.”

Harry and Niall mostly listen to music on the drive up. They pick Louis up on the way.

“What’s El up to this weekend?” Niall asks.

“Her mum’s actually visiting this weekend, so this couldn’t have come at a better time.” He laughs. “They’re talkin’ about havin’ her stay with us for a bit once the baby’s born.” He sighs. “Wouldn’t be the end of the world, but still.”

The three have a nice ride up to the campground. All the talk is pretty lighthearted. Harry pays to park, and one of the rangers tells them where they can set up. They find a nice spot that had a fire pit and they set up their tents.

“Harry, m’bunkin’ with yeh, I didn’t have a tent.” Louis says.

“Yeah, mate, no problem.”

The boys have lunch and decide to go for a walk. They knew they’d be sitting around doing a lot of drinking later, so the least they could do was walk around and enjoy the beautiful area there were in.

Rachel came over around three in the afternoon. You all decided to make frozen margaritas and sit out on the balcony listening to music.

“So, what’s Mariah up to this weekend?” You ask.

“She’s catching up with some of her own friends.” She says taking a sip of her cool drink. “God, I can’t wait to go to Seth’s tomorrow. Nothing like day drinking on a Sunday.”

“I know! And his apartment is so cool, heated pool and everything. It’s gonna be really hot out tomorrow, I’m definitely bringing my swim suit.”

“Plus, we’re going to that indoor/outdoor place tonight. I’m super excited.” You say.

“Did either of tell Harry and Niall about Seth?”

“You know…” Sarah says sipping her drink. “It didn’t come up.”

“Harry just let go of thinking something was happening between Niall and I, no way was I going to bring up going to a guy friend’s house party. Can we please just be careful with posting pictures?”

“I thought they weren’t going to have service.”

“Well, they could, and they could always see stuff later.” Sarah says.

“How sad that the two of you are afraid of your boyfriends…”

“We’re not afraid of them.” You say.

“Sometimes it’s just easier to leave certain things out.”

A little before dusk, Harry and the boys got a fire started. The cracked open their beers and snacked on chips. Louis took a joint out of his bag.

“Lads?”

“Pass it over.” Niall says and takes a hit. “Harry?”

“Sure.” He takes it. “Can’t remember the last time I smoked.” He smirks and takes a hit, then passes it back to Louis.

“Got plenty for the weekend. Haven’t been able to smoke since El got pregnant.”

“Can’t mention this to the girls at all.” Niall says. “I know it’s just weed, but I think Sarah would kill me.”

“Same with Y/N, I don’t think she’s kill me, but it’s just better if it stays between us.”

“What happens in New Hampshire, stays in New Hampshire.” Louis says.

Eventually all the boys themselves laying on the ground, looking up the stars, staying cozy by the fire.

“We hikin’ tomorrow?” Louis asks.

“Definitely, lotta great trails around here.” Niall says.

“Lou, are you scared to be a dad again?” Harry asks out of nowhere. Louis props himself up on his elbows so he can better look at his friend.

“What? Not really, no. It’s a little scary I suppose that I’ll be doin’ it full time. And I’m a little scared that Freddie’s gonna think I’m replacin’ him…but not scared to be a dad again.”

“Does Freddie know he’s gonna be a big brother?” Niall asks.

“Yeah, we told him a few weeks ago. He said he’s excited to have someone to play with.” He smiles. “Bri took it really well too. I think she’s happy he’ll be a big brother too.”

“It’s nice you all have gotten to a point where you all can get along.” Harry says.

“I mean, I walk on eggshells with Bri, but I’d rather do that than fight with her.” He takes a sip of his drink. “How’s havin’ a dog goin’?”

“Oh, it’s great. Think it’s just what we needed. I think it’s added a little more structure to our daily routines. Like we have to get up and take him out, stuff like that.”

“They call each other mummy and daddy.” Niall says laughing.

“A lot of people do that with their pets, don’t make fun of him. So, uh, when else does she call you daddy?” He smirks and Harry nudges him.

“She doesn’t.” He laughs.

“I still can’t believe you’ve made a life with someone. When yeh told me you were seein’ someone and already asked her to be your girlfriend, I was shocked, but really happy for you.”

“I don’t know what it was, I feel like I found my soulmate or some shit.” Harry sits up and starts sniffling. The other two sit up as well.

“Now I remember why you stopped smokin’, yeh always cry when yeh have too much.” Niall says, giving him a pat on the back.

“Shut up.” He sniffles.

“Why are you cryin’?” Louis asks, putting his hand on his knee.

“I’ve just never said that out loud to anyone before.” He wipes his eyes. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, it’s fuckin’ terrifying.”

“Do you think she feels the same way, that you’re her soulmate?” Louis asks.

“She must, right? I know she sees a life with me or she wouldn’t have agreed to gettin’ a dog. I…you know she had a pregnancy scare a couple months ago, well sort of, she just missed one of her pills. And I really didn’t think it was a big deal, like if she got pregnant we would’ve just dealt with it, but now I’m sorta glad she didn’t. The whole thing seems really stressful.”

“It’s very stressful, mate. Worth it, but it’s not a movie. She’s got a nephew right?”

“Yeah.”

“Good, enjoy just bein’ an uncle for a bit. Hell, enjoy bein’ an uncle to my kids. I know you’ve always wanted to be a dad, and you’ll be a great one when the time comes, but there’s really no rush.”

“I’m startin’ to see that…” Harry looks at Niall. “What about you, is Sarah your soulmate?”

“I don’t really believe in the soulmate thing.” He shrugs. “Do I think she’d make a great partner in life? Sure. I mean, I’m grateful every day we went out with the girls that night and we met. I enjoy spendin’ my free time with her, and we’re in love there’s no doubt about that.”

“Do you think you’ll marry her some day?”

“Too soon to tell, to be honest with yeh. You know me, I live in the present. I think once we’ve been together a year I’ll ask her to move in with me.”

“You two really are on opposite ends of the spectrum.”

“Yeah, and you’re right in the middle.” Harry jokes.

“Well, when are you poppin’ the question to Y/N, know you’ve thought about it. Surprised you don’t have the ring with yeh now.”

“It’s been purchased, and it’s in London. I plan to pick it up when I go home later in the summer. I’m waitin’ for us to be together a year before I ask. Her family’s a little conservative, so I figure if we’ve been together a year, then no one can really tell us we’re movin’ too fast. Plus it takes like another year to actually get married with all the planning.”

“God, look at us. We’re so grown up.” Louis says. “It’s fuckin’ disgustin’.” They all laugh. “I mean really, if someone told me six years ago I’d be gettin’ ready to be a father of two, you’d be gettin’ ready to move in with a serious girlfriend, and you’d be just about on your knee ready to propose, I’d of laughed in their face.” They all laugh, but Harry feels tears prick at his eyes again.

“I just don’t want this to change. No matter how much we keep growin’ up, or no matter how busy we get with our own lives, we have to make time for this.” He says through sniffles. “She may be my soulmate, but you two are like…”

The both hug Harry. Nothing else needed to be said on that. The three of them loved each other, and they knew it.

The three of you had a great time at the bar. You didn’t stay out too late because you knew you’d be out all day tomorrow. The three of you camp out in the living room, which makes Buster very happy. You all decide to watch a movie and just snuggle up with each other like old times.

“Okay, now that we’re drunk, there’s been something I’ve been dying to ask.” Rachel says just as the movie starts.

“What’s that?” You ask.

“Well, Sarah’s told me all about her butt adventures with Niall…she let him get in there you know?”

“I do know, I also know she didn’t like it very much.”

“It was just incredibly awkward and embarrassing, but it’s shut him about it so we’re good.”

“The last time we talked about it you asked me how a strap worked…” She starts giggling.

“I think…I think that’s something that should remain private.” Rachel and Sarah squeal and giggle.

“That just means you used one!” Rachel says. “How often? Did he like it?”

“Guys…I really don’t think he’d appreciate me talking about it.”

“As if they’re not talking about. That’s what guys do when they’re alone, they share sex notes.” Sarah says. “You can’t possibly think they’re out there, laying under the stars having a deep conversation.”

“No…I suppose you’re right…okay, I’ll tell you a little bit, but please, it’s so personal…”

“We won’t say anything. Everything this weekend stays between us.” Rachel says.

“We’ve…done it a few times…it’s incredible. And he actually likes it, it feels good for him.”

“Obviously, once you get a man’s prostate in the mix, there’s no going back.” Rachel says.

“I was surprised, honestly. He took it so well. I told him he could be the one to ask for it after we first did it because I didn’t want him to feel pressured. He’s so cute, one time was like,” You look down and put your two index finger tips together, “got some more lube today, love.” They both squeal.

“God, Harry is the shyest, cutest thing sometimes.” Sarah says.

“I wish Mariah was here, she tells the best stories about Harry. He has this really tough exterior, but he’s such a good person.”

“Yeah, he’d take the shirt off his back if someone needed it.” You smile.

“Now that he’s not sitting right here will you please tell us what the fuck was up with your neck last weekend?”

“Oh for the love of god, sometimes we choke each other, lightly, when we’re doing it. He happened to do it to me the night before the party and he didn’t take his rings off so they left bruises. Clearly I didn’t cover them up correctly.”

“Hot damn.” Sarah says. “You know I let Niall choke me sometimes, it’s pretty hot. It’s like just a little bit of pressure.”

“Exactly! And I do it to Harry too sometimes.”

“You choke him, you peg him, damn, he’s a trooper.” Rachel laughs.

“He does things to me too, it’s not all me. We’re just very comfortable with each other. I wouldn’t take Niall as the choking type.”

“The same could be said for you my friend.” Sarah says and you all giggle. “So…you have this apartment, you have a dog, when do you think he’s going to pop the question?”

“I have no idea, not anytime soon. I mean, I know it’ll happen eventually, but there’s no rush. I think we’re both happy with how things are right now.”

“How often do you talk about it?” Rachel asks.

“A little here and there. Like if I say if, he’ll always correct me and say when.” You start to tear up a bit. “I never thought…I never thought I’d ever be someone that someone else would want to marry and have a life with.” You full on start sobbing and the girls hold you. “Like…he’s my everything, you know? He’s truly my person. I never thought I’d get this lucky.”

“You deserve the whole world, Y/N.” Rachel says. “And Harry wants to give it to you, I know he does.” You look at her and smile.

“Yeah! And Niall says all the time that he’s never seen Harry like this with anyone. I think you two really sparked something within each other.”

Buster starts yipping and comes over to you. He licks on of your cheeks.

“Aw, mumma’s okay Buster.” You pull him into your lap.

The three of you talk a bit more, and then settle to watch the rest of the movie.

The next morning the boys get up early to go for a hike. Harry and Louis had shared a tent, and Louis’ laughter wakes Harry up.

“What?” He grumbles.

“Let me see, your head’s in my neck, and you’ve got an arm and a leg thrown over me. Someone miss their lady last night?”

“You know I’m a cuddly sleeper, this isn’t news.” He looks up at him. “What are yeh, suddenly not manly enough to have a cuddle with me?”

Louis wraps an arm around Harry and pulls him in closer. Niall unzips their tent and crawls in with them, going to Louis’ other side.

“Really glad this is a secluded area. Someone walkin’ by would think this is an orgy.” Niall jokes.

“Someone would just be jealous they couldn’t snuggle with three fine men such as ourselves. Now, I’ll give it five more minutes and then we need to get up.”

Harry took some pictures along the trail. He wondered if you’d ever go hiking with him. It took them about two hours to get the summit. They sit there for a while just taking in the view.

“Harry?” Louis asks.

“Yeah, mate?” Harry says, just biting into a banana.

“How do you think you’ll propose to Y/N when you do it? I feel like I had the campus thing with El planned for months.”

“I don’t know yet. I want her to feel really special, but I also want it to be a complete surprise, you know? I have a song in mind I’d like to have playin’ in the background, and I’ve thought a bit about what I might say, but I haven’t really thought of where yet.”

“You should recreate your first date.” Niall suggests.

“Can’t, she did that for my birthday. Besides, she’d suspect somethin’ was up.”

“True…you could tell her there’s some fancy party you have to go to so there’s your excuse to dress up. Oh! And you could just have her meet you wherever it is, so she could walk into the scene.”

“Wait, I’ve got it. Tell her you need her help for one of your freelance gigs. Then she won’t suspect a thing.” Louis says.

“That could actually work. I’d want it to be at night, outside I think. Lights strung up in some trees.” The three of them look off into the distance imagining it. “It’d be beautiful.”

The three of you head to Seth’s around noon. Your mom came over to watch Buster for the day. He’d be fine on his own, but you felt bad leaving him either way. The three of you looked cute, as always. You were wearing a pair of high waisted jean shorts, tennis shoes and a green crop top. Sarah had a casual sundress on, and Rachel had a pair of black shorts and blue crop top on. You all packed your bathing suits and towels, and headed out.

“Hey!” He says to you as you make your way to the backyard of his apartment. “It’s been forever!” He hugs all of you. “Help yourselves to whatever you want. You should know a few people here. Pool’s open and heated.”

“Seth, I brought some veggie burgers for myself for whenever you start grilling, where should I put them?”

“Toss them in that cooler near the grill.”

“Thanks.”

The truth was, both you and Sarah had slept with Seth in college, multiple times. It wasn’t weird for the three of you. A lot of time had passed, but the little memories still lingered.

The three of you start drinking and mingling with others at the party. Seth gets the grill going and he calls you over.

“Alright, how the fuck do I make these things?” He slings an arm over your shoulders.

“Well, and here’s the amazing part, there’s directions right on the package. Did you forget how to read, Sethy?” He rolls his eyes at you playfully.

“Okay smarty pants, can you read them to me while I get the other shit on here?”

“Sure.”

“Hey, smile you two!” You both turn around and smile at Sarah as she snaps a picture.

“Get in here too, selfie.” He says. Sarah holds up the phone and takes a selfie of the three of you.

“How are things with the two of you anyways?” He asks, throwing a veggie burger on the grill. “You both have jobs and boyfriends?”

“Yup! I’m a third grade teacher, and I’m dating one of Y/N’s best guy friends.”

“Yeah, and I work in marketing and I date my best guy friend’s guy friend.” You laugh. “What about you?”

“In between ladies at the moment, but I’ve got a good job so no complaints.” Rachel calls Sarah over for something, but you stay with Seth. “He treating you alright?”

“Yeah, his name is Harry by the way. Wanna see a picture?”

“Please, show me.” You smile and take out your phone. You show Seth some pictures of Harry and tell him all about him. “Seems like a great guy, Y/N.”

“He’s the best. I couldn’t be happier.”

“Well, I’m happy for you then. And for Sarah.” He smiles. “How about Rachel, how’s she?”

“She’s great. She’s dating Harry’s friend Mariah.”

“Wow, nice that all worked out.”

“Yeah!”

Later on, a ton of you get into the pool. Somehow you end up on Seth’s shoulders and you start playing chicken with some other friends. You were happy you wore your hair up in a bun. Sarah also took a turn on Seth’s shoulders while playing chicken. All in all it was a really great day.

You all dry off and change and hang out around the fire Seth started. One of his friends brought stuff to make s’mores. You couldn’t remember the last time you just shot the shit with your friends from college. It was nice.

Harry, Niall, and Louis found a bar to go have drinks at not too far from the campground. They were all looking to eat something a little more filling. Because they were at a restaurant, they all had wifi, so naturally they all started checking their phones.

“Who the fuck is Seth Rowan?” Harry asks.

“Who?”

“This guy, with his arms around Y/N and Sarah.” Harry shows Niall his phone. Another person had taken a picture of the three of you and tagged you in it.

“No idea, where’d you find that?”

“Facebook…I feel like I’ve seen his face before…” Harry goes onto your Instagram, and scrolls back deep. “Christ.” He runs his hand over his face and shows them. There was an old picture of you two kissing, on the mouth and the caption said, spin the bottle.

“Yikes…an ex-boyfriend?” Louis asks.

“No.” Niall says. “That’s an old friend from college. I actually think Sarah might’ve dated him.”

“Well, it fuckin’ looks like something happened. And they were all hanging out with him today. Did you know they were going to a party?”

“No, and clearly you didn’t either.”

“Maybe it was a last minute invite.”

“Or maybe they didn’t want us knowing they were…wait Rachel just posted on her story.”

Harry taps the video.

“You have to do it Y/N! You accepted the dare!”

“You all suck, fine!”

You get up and someone turns the music up louder. You turn around and bend over, shaking your ass. Then you pop your ass, twerking. You stand back up and take a bow as everyone cheers. You sit back down, wrapping yourself in a blanket.

“Hope you all enjoyed that. You’re next Rachel, truth or dare?”

The video ends and Harry’s left there, mouth hanging open.

“Oh…my…god.” Is all he can say.

“Oh my god!” Niall shouts. “Look! Look!” He says showing them Sarah’s story that she made so only close friends could see.

“Sarah, I dare you to kiss Rachel.” Someone says.

“Jesus, as if anyone hasn’t see that before.” She shakes her head and looks at Rachel. “It’s up to you.”

“What the hell, why not?”

The two kiss, only for a few seconds, but the crowd cheers and Rachel curtsies as she sits back down.

“I…I…who are these people?! Certainly not our girlfriends.” Niall says.

“Are you seriously complaining that you just got to watch your girlfriend kiss another girl?” Louis asks. “You both need to chill out. They’re all just havin’ fun.”

“They didn’t tell us they were-“

“Do they need your permission to go out while you’re away?”

“No, but-“

“But nothin’. You two are idiots to get mad over this.”

“I don’t appreciate seein’ my girlfriend kiss someone else, another girl that happens to be her best friend doesn’t make it okay.” Niall huffs.

“I agree.”

Louis shakes his head at the two of them.

“Stupid thing to get mad about.”

The three finish up their drinks and dinner, and head back to the campground. They start up the fire and start drinking more.

“Wish we never looked at our phones. Who knows what else they’re doin’.” Niall says.

“Don’t worry about it, mate.” Louis whines. “It’s literally not a big deal.”

“Um…guys?” Rachel says in the uber on the way to your apartment. “Harry looked at my story of Y/N earlier…”

“And Niall saw mine…” Sarah says. “What the fuck, I thought they didn’t have service.”

“Maybe they went somewhere that did. Fuck, you know, I told you guys to be careful with what you posted. Now he’s seen me popping my ass for a group of people he doesn’t even know. Bad enough someone tagged us in a picture with Seth on Facebook. He probably saw that too.” You groan. “Great, I’m sure I’ll be in for it tomorrow.”

“Me too…”

The three of you get back to your apartment. Your mom had left Buster good to go and he was very happy to see the three of you. You all decide you’re done with drinking and just curl up to watch a movie.

Once again Harry and Louis wake up cuddling. The two laugh as they get up. They clean everything up and load up the car.

“Please don’t let what they did ruin such a great weekend, lads.”

“We’re not.” Niall says. “But they’re gettin’ a stern talkin’ to.”

“Yeah, very stern.”

Harry drops Louis off, hugging goodbye of course. Rachel had left your place, but Sarah stayed behind. You both figured if you were in trouble, then maybe you could be in trouble together. Harry tells Niall to come up with him, figuring that Sarah would still be over.

“So what’s our game plan?” Sarah asks you.

“I’m…going to jump on him and hug him and kiss him.”

“Okay, okay, that’s good. Soften him up a bit.”

“Maybe he’ll just take me right to the bedroom and we’ll fuck, then talk.”

“And what does that mean for me?”

“Take Niall home and fuck him there.”

You both hear the jingle of keys and you stand up. You hear the boys talking and then stop when they see the two of you standing there.

“You’re home! How was the-“ You start waling towards him, but they both cross their arms.

“Who’s Seth Rowan?”

“Why did you think it was a good idea to post a video of you and Rachel kissing?”

You and Sarah look at each other, then back to them. You both move a little closer to them. A scent hits your nose and your face scrunches.

“Why do you both smell like weed?” You ask crossing your arms.

“Answer our questions first.” Harry says. “When I asked you what your plans for this weekend, it didn’t seem like a party was in the mix.”

“Seth is an old friend from college.” Sarah starts.

“Just a friend? Because I’m pretty sure there’s more to it than that.” You gasp.

“What did you do, creep on my Instagram?”

“Maybe.”

You and Sarah both roll your eyes.

“Friend...with benefits.” Sarah says. “To both of us at one point.”

“You both were hookin’ up with the same guy?” Niall asks and you both nod. “Why?”

“I feel like the answer to that wouldn’t really help our case.” You say. “Look, Seth usually has a Memorial Day party, he invited us and we went. Everything that happened was a long time ago, no harm done.”

“So you shakin’ your ass for a group of people is no harm done?”

“I’m going to fucking kill, Rachel.” You groan. “We were playing truth or dare, what was I supposed to do?”

“Tell the truth about sometin’.”

“I couldn’t.”

“What did they ask you?” You look at Sarah. “Don’t look at her, look at me, what did they ask you that was so bad that you decided to do a dare instead?”

“They asked me…god…they asked me if…if I ever…please Harry, don’t make me say it, just know it was really bad.” He sighs.

“Fine…you know you could have told me you were goin’ to a party.”

“No because you would’ve questioned who Seth was and-“

“Of course I would have, and you could’ve just told me he was a friend from school, come on.”

“Sorry.”

“Niall…”

“I’m assuming they asked you a stupid question too?”

“Yes.”

“Can yeh please just not do that again? Friend or not, I really don’t want yeh kissin’ someone else.”

“Of course! I’m so sorry!” She lunges onto him and kisses all over his face.

You look up at Harry and give him your biggest eyes and pout. He sighs and opens his arms and you jump into them. He lifts you up and you wrap your legs around him.

“Love you both, but I’d like to give my man a proper hello now, so please leave.” They both giggle and head out.

“Where’s Buster?”

“Taking a little nappy.”

“Ah.”

Harry walks you down to the bedroom.

“We’re taking a shower, you wreak. Did you smoke?” He sets you down.

“Yes.”

“Harry…”

“Lou brought a joint with him, it’s no bid deal.”

“Alright.” You start taking your clothes off.

“Alright?”

“You’re letting my weekend slide, so I’m doing the same.”

“Okay.”

“So was it fun?”

“It was great, actually. We went for a hike, got to really see the stars at night. It was nice to just catch up and talk.”

“Yeah, same for us.”

Harry strips and turns the water on in the shower. He looks at you and squints.

“Why don’t you ever dance like that for me?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’d love for you to put on a little show for me like that. Maybe a little lap dance sometime.” He grins.

“In your dreams.”

“Come on, it’ll be a new character for role play.”

“Maybe something CEO does for her assistant?”

“Exactly.”

“We’ll see.”

“Fine, then in the meantime, I’m going to fuck you into the tile.”

“Harry!” You squeal as he yanks you into the shower.

His hands are all over you and his fingers are up inside you before you know it. He nips at your neck as he pumps in and out of you.

“Fuck.” You breathe as his thumb works your clit. You reach to grab his cock and you start pumping it. “You know, this is the only cock I want.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, makes me feel so good. Want it all the time.”

He takes his fingers out of you and sucks on them. He grips one of your thighs and raises it over one of his hips. He thrusts into you. Your back arches against the cold tile. You hands sink into his shoulders as he rocks up into you.

“This is the only cunt I want.” Before you can’t bite your bottom lip, he’s already doing it for you, sucking it into his mouth. “This entire body, actually. It’s all mine, isn’t it?”

“All yours.” You smile at him and he smiles back. He pulls out and turns you around, entering from behind. Your entire front was pressed to the tile. Your head rolls back to his shoulder. “I love you, Harry, fuck!”

“I love, ngh, love you too.”

It doesn’t take either of you long to come. Harry throws his laundry right into the washer, and you both get cozy with Buster on the sofa.

“I really hope you know I didn’t intentionally try to make you upset or anything,”

“I know.” He strokes your back as you lay on him. “I don’t want you thinkin’ that I’m gonna blow up at you though.”

“I guess…because of how things were with my dad growing up, I feel like it’s easier or safer to leave pieced of information out. I know you’re not him, I wouldn’t be with you if you were anything like him, but sometimes those little things are there in the back of my head. I’d do anything to avoid a fight with him, so-“

“Babe.” You look up at him. “I know I get jealous sometimes, and that’s not always fair. But please don’t be afraid to tell me what you’re doin’. The most important thing to me is that you feel safe with me, always.” You nuzzle into his chest.

“I do feel safe with you, I promise. Some things are just hard to shake, I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry your dad fucked you up so much.” He sighs and kisses the top of your head.

“Me too…but I can’t blame everything on him. If I did I’d be just like Bridget. I just know I have certain habits. Like, you know how I always line our shoes up so we don’t trip over them when we walk in?”

“Yeah.”

“Well I do that because of my dad. If there was a hair out place when he got home from work it was like World War three would erupt. I do certain things because I feel like he could just come in at any moment, which is stupid, I mean this is our home, not his.”

“S’not stupid…” You look up at him and kiss him.

“I am sorry though, I was wrong.”

“Yeah, you were.” He smirks. “But it’s okay. I had a really nice time with my friends this weekend, and I suppose I’m glad you did too.” You kiss again.

“What did you guys talk about?”

“Oh, you know, just guy stuff.”

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