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matchamabs · 3 years

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BOTW (and AOC) GUYS: RANKED BY HOW HOT THEY ARE

get ready for some heinous opinions! so im ranking the guys in botw by how hot they are and im taking No criticism. idk if i forgot anyone but i tried

check it out under the cut

sorry but this twink is just. average. like Painfully average. hes like white bread. therefore he gets an average score. i can appreciate hes a cute lookin guy? but like. thats it. if u fancy link u probably like mayonnaise. he looks like mayonnaise. grow a fuckin tache or smth dude for the love of god. 5/10 very normal.

ok im a diehard bird simp but like... this boy is fuckin ugly lmao. hes pretty at the same time tho? nice smile, nice eyes, nice voice but yellow eyebrows? green eyes? red makeup? clown. he’s a bird clown. tho i guess some ppl find clowns hot so this one’s for the pennywise crowd. 5/10. he’s a 10/10 in my heart tho.

now this is a MAN. u got the good smile, the strong arms, the r i p p l i n g m u s c l e s. he is a man u can trust. his arm hair is a bit wild but if u dont like his incredible facial hair, then.... idc. 7/10. they made a rock handsome. thats impressive. 3 points off for the forehead vagina tho. dont like that.

hot fucking damn. this is what we in the biz call a raging dilf. he looks like the kind of dad that never grew out of his punk rock phase. idk how i feel abt the broken traffic light look but its fine. just look into his gorgeous eyes and listen 2 his deep gravelly voice as he tells u to fuck off and leave him alone. perfection. the voice already makes him like 20/10 but the mullet is fucking awful and he should be penalised for that. 8/10. grow a fringe like the rest of us.

ah the shape of water... ok yeah the fish is fuckable ill grant u that. hes All fuckin torso tho and his eyes r constantly pointing in different directions which is not the Most Flattering Look and he Will hit u with his head handlebars and it will hurt. the 24-pack aint half bad either but i always get this feeling that he looks like he skips... some kind of day. not arm day, not leg day, but... some kind of day. maybe brain day. 8/10. sharp teeth are always sexy.

10/10. i dont fuckin care if u hate his hair- this man probably invented the most effective hairspray in existence just to make that happen. respect him. u cannot deny hes hot tho like theres just Something about him. the confidence... the attitude... i worry about revealing his eyes tho. theres a 50% chance it will not work in ur favour and he’ll just look heinous. full 10/10 tho. old robbie is also not bad 2 look at if ur not a coward but he Might leave u for an easy bake oven so like. watch out for that.

well the queen saw something in him??? i genuinely fear the idea of ever getting to see his chin from under that magnificent beard tho. he’s probably got the jawline of a russian power lifter. anyway for an old guy hes not lookin that bad so long as u dont mind a receding hairline. ill b nice. 5/10. for a king u could do worse. ill be taking complaints about this take in my dms. bring a bat.

where do i begin. i love beedle. i rlly do but theres.... so much going on. personality is a 10/10, business skills are 10/10/ haircut is -50/10 and the crop top....? well ill give him 10/10 for confidence. 4/10 im sorry he is just a Lot to look at. he looks like rock lee tried to become a slutty pirate king. shonen jump will have a lot to answer for.

the colour scheme is... better than revali, tho i didnt realise how obnoxious it was until i actually got a good look at him. ive never seen a bird look so top heavy before but this mans got 5 kids so i have nothing but respect for my king. kass is for the dilf crowd that like the dad bods. 8/10 he is quite nice to look at ngl. he’s like revali but light mode.

ok yunobo is very cute i wont lie but the hair is just massively disarming. idk its all i can think about. is this a goron emo phase?? is that what that is?? ive been staring at it for like 5 minutes and i still cant work out if i like it or not. 5/10 he is a humble lad.

under all that gear kohga could look like willem dafoe x50 and id still find him attractive. he cant be hot tho. he just cant be. like looks wise he has to be 1/10 under that there is no way this man could feasibly be conventionally attractive and tbh i like it that way. banana boy gets 6/10. hotter than revali. revali looks like a clown but kohga looks like the entire fucking circus

there is nothing unattractive about bolson. 10/10. sha-ding

i hate the hair i hate the hair i hate the hair i hate the hair SO fucking much but the voice. he has to be hot under that gear with a voice like that. if hes not well. just close ur eyes. the voice will take care of the rest. 8/10 the crack in his mask actually makes him look sexier and i dont understand how that can happen

????????????????????????? he looks. like an old man? i swear those big wingy bits are his eyebrows but i cant Quite be sure. why would a tree need eyebrows. ??/10 keep ur questionable gifts to urself

-100000/10 who the fuck let this budget pokemon npc in here. he looks like he should b leading team ganon across the kanto region. he probably draws those lines on his face to make himself look older and listens to mother mother. im gonna punch his third eye. no this is not a biased opinion

#botw #breath of the wild #aoc #age of calamity #link #revali #teba #sidon #daruk #astor #prince sidon #hestu #kohga #sooga #yunobo #kass #bolson #beedle #legend of zelda #robbie

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tortilla-of-courage · 3 years

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what if (pre-split) Four's Dark Link is extremely arrogant, thinking he can do ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING on his own, that he needs no one as he's so infallible with all his skills and bravery and charm, but to the point Ganon is just "No, I cannot handle this guy. He wont listen, he looks like my enemy, he's a literal child, And I frankly want a vacation." So Ganon dips out to refresh and refuel his mind (Even the eternally incarnated host of a malevolent god needs to take care of himself to be in peak performance for taking over the world)

So Dark Four is free to just exist, goes on his own little chaotic adventure, an emerges in the light world to reign his own terror! He's been ever aware of his light counterpart, and truly believes Four is weak, as he has to split into Four beings to be a formidable foe. It doesnt take long for Four to hear of his evil twin taking over a temple or shrine, so he heads on over to find this arrogant ball of utter chaos. Dark Four is so busy monologuing about how great he is, that Blue forces a split so he can start telling this guy off, Red is trying to get Blue to stop arguing with the guy as "He just needs a family, he's had a tough life Blue, dont be mean!" Vio whispers something to Green and seems to wander off while Blue and DF (Def? Daf? Darf?) are still arguing, Green is trying to interject between the two hot heads, and get DF to come down and talk, and Vio, a legend of a guy, leisurely makes his way to the tippy top of the building DF is on, sneaks up behind him, and despite DF sensing Vio and turning in time to face his enemy, Vio disarms him and the two go tumbling down. Green, Blue, and Red spring into action to catch them, and DF is just spitting mad because he's too awesome to be taken down by a weakling who needs friends to get anything done.

So Four merges back into one, still keeping DF unarmed and pinned, but instead of arguing everything and trying to force DF to change, Four asks him

"What would make you happy?" And DF is so caught off guard, he has planned for multiple scenarios due to Four being so unpredictable, so DF awkwardly responds

"To kill you, become ruler of Hyrule, reign in chaos, and be better than you and Ganon!"

Four seems to sigh inwardly because this story is all too familiar

"Y'know, if you don't mind holding off killing me and ruling Hyrule, you can properly piss Ganon off by making him think you've aligned with me and Hylia. One of Ganons evil creations ignoring him and making friends with his enemy would definitely get his attention." And DF starts thinking about it, but he's stubborn and arrogant and just decides to state he'll kill Four now, and shove it in Ganons face that DF killed the enemy thats slaughtered Ganon countless times.

Four gets off DF, and tosses him a generic sword before drawing his own, not splitting, and looking DF in the eyes.

"Why do you have to show Ganon your better? Why prove you're better than me? Why not find your own path? But Four is just trying to reason with someone that embodies his arrogance from before the split and before he learned teamwork and friendship. Its not going to be a one conversation deal, so they have a battle, equally matched while Four is one, then Shadow comes back with a roasted fish, eating it off the stick, and Asks DF if he wants to team up and kidnap the princess. Four looks horrified, thanks to Green, Red, and Blue not expecting that at all. Vio is immediately cheering Shadow where DF cannot see.

DF thinks he can use Shadow, agrees, and runs off with Shadow, and Shadow takes DF on an adventure of personal growth, leaving Vio proud af and laughing, and the other three rightly concerned....

ALKSDNF THIS IS SO GOOD? HELLO?

#i dont have anything to add that was a really nice read #linked universe #lu four #?#tortilla asks

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luimagines · 3 years

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I am not a writer. Nor am I a person who posts stuff online,if at all rarely. But I am capable of typing and I am legally allowed to say that I have won a high school writing contest in my 3rd period English class in Sophomore year.I am still,what they call,VERY RUSTY.Take that as you may,but never in my life have I read an anonymous ask that has made me be burts into a desire to want to write down a bunch of story ideas of a dream that stranger had and then share it to another stranger online, to reply to publicly to about 100 more other strangers online. But none the less I STILL want to share to you sone of my--headcanons??--ideas??--bullshit dream story plotline??--(idk)-- I'll try to keep it limited because i don't want you to end up reading a rant novel-

I like to think that this //reader link? I'll just use y/n as a stand in i guess for this character or reader ??sorry if you dont like it,you can change it if you want?//before meeting The Chain Links *tm,she use to have a lot of problems being a #femaleheroinduringmediaveltimes but not in a way that most might see?I don't believe she would have really care for other people's opinions on the matter because she sees it as something very trivial and people will alway find a reason to look down on you and she also wasn't exactly let off easy for it during her training to be the hero of her kingdom.Even if she didn't want it,she was already destined and chosen for this path regardless of any possible sexist belief anyone had to offer.Her being the destined hero and needing to be strong enough to fight against Ganon was the utmost important thing on the to-do list,So bullshit like that was not accepted and they made sure it was in grain into her brain.

"Don't believe your enemies will ever go easy on you no matter what you are".

Most of the problems she would struggle as female I think ,would be on more on the biological side of things,for example like getting her period but being forced to have to truck though them anyways because she was a hero and it meant that you couldn't just take time off from your responsibilities and duty as Hyrule's saviour "just for some bad cramps" when you have lives to be saving and a world that needs to be protecting.So she would just not show any sign of complaint to the others about it or even let alone tell them about it and it just always seemed like from the outside that she would randomly just get super quiet and little withdrawn for no reason every month or so with a sort of tired/vacant look in their eyes?Anon also mentioned them having more of a military knight background and assuming she had been trained to or at least has lead troops into war/battle before,she could definitely be one of the teams best strategist along side with Warrior Link.I can definitely see them getting closer because of this as they're usually chipping in plans together and coming up with ideas/plans with what the best ways to use everyone on the team's special skills for certain position/roles during possible future battles.But a little bit after the whole "river" scenario i can definitely see legend sort of yell at her like

"wtf you is a girl and did not tell??? eXPLANaTiOn?????" "Because i didn't think it mattered??" "iT DoSe MaTtEr! ThAtS a bIG tHiNg!!"

There would definitely be a bit of an intervention with everyone to talk about the issue from "before". Maybe some what after everyone had gotten redressed and suddenly didn't feel like bathing anymore. After that everyone seem...awkward. No one knew exactly how to continue on with the revelation,so they all just stayed quite.At first she mistook this as a sign that everyone handled it well,she tried to continue business as always.While everyone was packing up to head out,she'd suddenly feel everyone's eyes.... Looking at her. When she turned she everyone just minding their own business.Maybe it was all just in herhead.The rest of the walk seem almost dead quiet.The once cheer mood of chatter was now replaced with an awkward tension filled with only small side glances,little quiet whispering from behind and an inability to look her in the face when she tried chatting with anyone.Is this what it was going to be like from now on?No of course not.They wouldn't let something as trivial as this get in the way of their relationship,right?they were still friends,right?

If you have the ability to but the stories in your head into recorded words then that makes you a writer.

No, I will not take any criticism on this matter.

This is beautifully thought out and it was a joy to read. I had to read it out loud out of fear that I would miss something entirely but I'm glad I did.

I would imagine it to be difficult to be on her period simply because when you're traveling there's no supplies to help out or lessen the situation! No cotton, no pain killers, not a lot of hot water to begin with... And yeah, she wouldn't say anything about it because a soldier wouldn't have the time to take care of it, let alone a hero.

She would also be the most used to blood on her clothes out of the group I think at this point. Just takes it upon her self to clean their clothes because they never seem to be able to get all of it and they don't know what they're doing even if she were to tell them how.

The boys think it's some magic technique but no.... it's just experience.

But the reader here that you mentioned would have had good teachers for burning it into her brain that it doesn't matter what body she has or what other people say because she the hero. She was born for this and there's no pleasing any one anyway. the best way out of this is to do the job and make sure you can get out alive.

What I want of the last paragraph is for her to get a little mad and question what the hell s wrong with everyone and then for someone to reply that it would have been disrespectful to look without direct permission because she would have deserved better than that. Like, they're fine with each other because they all have the same parts so like no big deal, but for them so openly show her themselves, verses her being seen openly.

I think it'll be a mixed bag of them being embarrassed that they were seen and that they saw her.

I think the ones least effected by it would be Wind, Warrior and Hyrule. Hyrule, because there's no like no people in his world so he doesn't have the same perception as the others, verses Wind who would probably be weird in the beginning but promptly not think too much on it because he has a sister at home and would help her bath when she was younger, verses Tetra who has had multiple shirts torn in the middle of battle- so who cares?

I was originally going to put Warrior as one of the most effected but I've played the game.... There are so many female warriors so if they got hit in the boob and needed attention then you take care of it. no questions asked and you move on with your day end of story.

The most effected would probably be Time, Twilight and Sky.

Time and Sky because- holy cow, I have a significant other, what am I going to say if they find out I saw another naked woman? Nothing. That's what. I'm a dead man if they ever find out.

Twilight because he was raised with his respect woman juice for breakfast and would have gladly turned away and oh my god- my mom is not going to like that I just didn't do anything this entire time and she's going to think that I just stared like some degenerate and what do I do now?

I think this is a fun concept and I don't mind exploring it more, but I'm beginning to suspect that I'm going to need a tag for the dream saga aren't I?

#pinky replies #Dream Anon #thank you for this #and thank you #Anon #for sharing your thought and contributing to the project #I appreciate it greatly made my night #Mulan! Link

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eggoreviews · 5 years

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12 ‘Unpopular’ Viddy Game Opinions

I’ve seen this topic floating around a lot, but didn’t think I had enough ‘unpopular but maybe not’ opinions about games to make a post. Turns out I do! So if you see this and I say something blasphemous, remember it’s just my opinion and my personal experiences with the games I list. Hope you enjoy or hey, maybe even agree with some of this!

Note: Can’t stress enough. This is just me. Also, spoilers under the cut!

12. The opening of Kingdom Hearts II isn’t as terrible as everyone says

Okay, so it’s not brilliant, but at the same time, I don’t think it’s the worst. For those not in the know, KH2′s opening is a basically a massive slog where you play as a character you don’t know or care about with seemingly no real link to the events of the previous game. The general consensus is that there’s some interesting stuff in here, but it’s buried among endless dialogue that really doesn’t mean much. And they’re right, but I really think there’s some great stuff here that people tend to gloss over. The music and the motif of Twilight Town is atmospheric, there’s some genuinely intriguing plot elements that are woven into Roxas’ story and believe it or not, the stuff that happens here is intrinsic to the rest of the game. So yeah, it drags on a little, but I don’t think KH2 would be miles better without this opening.

11. I loved Breath of the Wild’s final boss

One of the problems I see talked about with Breath of the Wild is that the boss fights are fairly mediocre, especially the very last one, Dark Beast Ganon. And I couldn’t disagree more. I think every boss in the game is wonderfully crafted, intense, challenging and great for testing you on what you’ve learned throughout the game by encouraging you to make creative use of your slate powers and the flurry rush technique. And while Mr. Pig Man at the end here is sort of easy and short, it serves as a brilliantly epic finale to damn near perfect game. While the difficulty is mostly gone after the mammoth fight with Calamity Ganon, it’s still just as intense as you frantically fire off arrows into the massive beast in front of you. Plus, the design of this thing is one of the best looking monsters in the game, so I really don’t understand the dislike for this ending.

10. I really like Crash of the Titans

Okay, so maybe childhood nostalgia has something to do with this pick, but every Crash fan I’m aware of seems to hate this game. But I don’t really know where the hate comes from! I played the PS2 version of this and I thought it was a genuinely fun 3D platformer with a variety of locations, good visuals, well-designed boss battles and even a vague story you can sort of follow! The game’s main gameplay feature is also brilliantly integrated, as using Aku Aku to possess various monsters throughout the game keeps everything interesting. One thing I will say though, that tiger dude you have to fight about halfway through is the most annoying thing I’ve ever had to endure in a game.

9. Life Is Strange: Before the Storm is BAD

I loved Life Is Strange when it first dropped, so I was beyond excited when they announced a prequel from Chloe’s perspective. But I really think they dropped the ball and they dropped it hard. But everyone else seems to adore this game! For me, this wasn’t a touch on the original. For a start, they dropped out one of the main mechanics of the first game, the time travel, which they then replaced with a much less interesting ‘Backtalk’ feature, which was then only used about twice throughout the game. Instead of interesting, developed characters reacting to genuinely dangerous or heartfelt situations, it felt to me like a bunch of one-dimensional teenagers who are edgy for the sake of being edgy. Chloe spends the majority of the game being a dick to her mother and bunking off class to spend time with Rachel, who she has literally known for like a day and their sudden relationship drops out of nowhere. Not that I didn’t enjoy the emotional moments of their relationship, it just didn’t feel like it stemmed from anywhere, unlike Max and Chloe from the first game. And the game’s attempts at villains were also rubbish compared to the first, with Damien (random scary knife guy who doesn’t really tie into the plot that much) and Eliot (who doesn’t appear for the whole game and suddenly goes full incel on Chloe when she breaks into Rachel’s house). Yeah I think you can tell I had some problems with this one.

8. Dishonored: Death of the Outsider was also a hot mess

I LOVE the Dishonored series. The first game and its DLCs are amazing, the second game was arguably even better. And then this happened. In this one, you play as Billie Lurk, a character I love, and Daud comes back, a character I also love. But both of them are incredibly badly written and it doesn’t feel like there’s any development to them or even much reason for them to do what they’re doing. This entry took the mystery surrounding the Outsider and basically did a big poo on it, giving us the revelation that he was apparently HUMAN this whole time. I think that was the nail in the coffin that made me sort of think this was a bit rubbish. While the combat and side missions were as brilliant as ever, the level designs felt less creative than other entries in the series and lacked variety or colour, all the side characters were entirely forgettable and to wrap it all up, they killed Daud offscreen. Out of nowhere, they just killed him, mentioned it offhand in a cutscene and that was that. If you like this game, fair enough, but it kind of baffles me that more people don’t see this in the game.

7. Mario Galaxy 2 is good. It’s just sort of good

Some people cite this as being one of the best 3D platformers of all time, and that’s fair enough, but I just kind of see this one as ‘good’. Sure, it has a good, satisfying control scheme for the most part, the level design is creative and the bosses and puzzles are pretty standard for a Mario title, but still enjoyable. However, sometimes, the floaty physics and weird knockback effect from jumping into walls led to quite a lot of unfair deaths, especially if I’d been punished for messing up already by losing a life, only to then immediately be punished again by falling into the void. Plus, I found Yoshi near impossible to control at some points with the motion controls. So yeah, this one is genuinely enjoyable, but I don’t think I’d personally put it with the best of all time.

6. I LOVE Dragon Quest IX TO DEATH

This is a game in a legendary franchise that consistently almost always see ranked at the very bottom of the pile in the series. But I really don’t understand how or why. Okay so your protagonist and party are basically silent and don’t have a lot of character, but I don’t see this as a reason to totally write off the game! The side characters, villains and story are all amazing and well-developed, the world is huge, colourful and interesting, the monsters are brilliantly creative and Dragon Quest’s signature lame sense of humour is gratefully carried through the whole game. The music is always brilliant and atmospheric and the bosses are just as memorable as each character you meet. What was everyone’s problem?? This is genuinely one of the best RPGs I’ve ever played and if you haven’t had a chance to pick it up, it is so, so worth it.

5. Sonic Adventure is a broken mess

So before I kick this one off, I’m not someone who hates Sonic and I’m not here to slate the whole franchise, but considering this game is often considered to be one of the best in the series, I thought it was definitely worth addressing. When I first played this, I literally couldn’t believe this was made in 1998, AFTER Mario 64 and yet it’s so broken! The physics and control scheme are totally wonky and hard to control, the unending amount of glitches make a fair amount of the stages almost unplayable, the voice acting and facial animation is cringey and oddly broken and yet, this was all on the Dreamcast. The most powerful console of the time. And I don’t think I even need to mention how boring some of the later stages get, with Big the Cat’s fishing section being the main offender. I can’t vouch for Adventure 2 as I haven’t had a chance to play yet, but I really hope it isn’t like this.

4. Dragon Age Origins is the best Dragon Age

Dragon Age has always been a popular RPG series, but I think it properly shot to fame once Inquisition dropped in 2014. And don’t get me wrong, I liked Inquisition! The world was colourful and expansive and the characters were fairly memorable, but I still think the best experience you can get is in the series’ first entry, Origins. While it’s pretty easy to see that it’s slightly dated considering it’s ten years old now, the best characters and story in the series I think is here. Each companion you recruit is varied and developed and the story wraps up brilliantly in the end with each companion and army you meet playing a different role in the final battle. Plus, I kind of can’t forgive Inquisition for making Leliana lose her sense of humour and making her kinda boring.

3. Oblivion is better than Skyrim

Okay so I’m not sure exactly how unpopular this is, but I just thought Oblivion was miles better than Skyrim ended up being. Just to clear it up, I still love Skyrim and I thought it built on the series’ combat system and variety of enemies really well and still provided an enjoyable experience. But Oblivion feels like more of an adventure you feel at home in. The story is dense and full of twists and turns. The soundtrack has some of the most atmospheric music I’ve ever heard, the world is full of bright colours, each city is vastly different and has its own lore and I found some of this to be absent from Skyrim. I’d go into more detail, but I think the simple fact is that Oblivion had so much more I liked than Skyrim.

2. I don’t think The Witcher III is all that amazing (in some regards)

This by no means says that I don’t like the game, because I do, but I think it has more flaws than people let on. Now, don’t get me wrong, a lot of the stuff people praise about this game is true, the quests are in-depth and masterfully crafted, the characters, especially Geralt, are extremely memorable. In fact, Geralt is one of my favourite game protagonists. But most of the problems I had were in terms of the gameplay. The combat, while fast-paced and satisfying, can sometimes feel a little finicky, so a lot of precision is needed. However, I felt that the world itself didn’t particularly interest me and the music is often ambient but outside of combat, isn’t anything special. Mostly though, the leveling system I found to be a bit wonky. I did absolutely everything I could in the first area of the game; all the side quests, treasure hunts, killed a whole bunch of monsters etc. And then I arrive in the second area and find I’m too underleveled to do literally anything. The majority of the quests have too high a level cap, a lot of the monsters kill me very quickly. And because the bulk of EXP farming is in the quests, I’m sort of stuck in an endless loop of constantly not being strong enough to do anything. On top of that, all my equipment keeps breaking and I’m finding that repair kits are extremely few and far between and that makes me even WEAKER. It’s something I’m gonna need to persevere with I think, but hey, this is just my experience with it.

1. Ocarina of Time, as amazing as it is, may have overstayed its welcome as best game of all time

I reckon this might be the most controversial, so it’s number 1. Let me preface this by saying I really like Ocarina and I agree that it was innovative for the RPG genre at the time. There’s a hell of a lot in this game that we have to thank for the games we have today. But considering how far the gaming industry has come since then and the sheer amount of high quality games we’ve been getting year after year, is still fair to call this the best game ever? When more recent games have taken what Ocarina started and built upon it? Games like Breath of the Wild, Horizon Zero Dawn, Red Dead Redemption II, God of War all gave us expansive, beautiful worlds and a story you can really get stuck into. And all the time, more and more games of this caliber are coming out. So yes, of course Ocarina of Time deserves a place in the hall of fame, it was revolutionary and still holds up really well today! I just can’t help but think there have been plenty of games since then, as flawed as some of them may be, that have improved upon the formula tenfold since Ocarina’s release.

Thanks for reading if you got this far! Just to reiterate, these are all just my opinions and my experiences with the games I mentioned, so pls don’t attack me. Got any viddy game opinions you think are sort of not popular? Drop them down below if you feel like it!

#zelda #loz #nintendo #nintendo switch #kingdom hearts #ocarina of time #botw #breath of the wild #oblivion #skyrim #dragon age #sonic the hedgehog #sonic #dragon quest #mario #Super Mario #Dishonored #life is strange #gaming

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thegeminisage · 7 years

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zelda blogging which is so deeply super spoilery, possible the most spoilery it’s ever been, so if you haven’t THOROUGHLY explored the central-north part of the map DON’T read it

aww some of these gerudo wear glasses! love it

i like the music here too but i kinda wish it had been the same melody from oot ; ;

omg riju is tiny!!! is she still young?!

aww her relationship with buliara is sweet they obviously care about each other a lot

AAAAAH THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT MY SWORD lmao maybe i should have gone to get it after all

oh my god a sand seal that gives you words of wisdom for food

ooh i get a free accessory for giving this lady some flint...hmMmMMmMMmmm

topaz i guess bc i'll probs need lightning protection soon? but no, i'm getting a helm...

haha sapphire to go with link's eyes?

ruby bc the flame armor is the ugliest and i wanna wear something else? LOL

went with sapphire iin the end MAY I NOT REGRET IT...

ooooh i shoulda been saving my gems....Dang

i mean, at least i have the 10k i need for the great fairy, but there's so much cool stuff here and i can't bUY ANY...

ah no i did get some opal and amber earrings :3

swim speed up and the ithers are just extra defense

"apparently the accessory maker and the teacher of the relationship class were both in a tragic love triangle, and now they are both single" nintendo this is an all women society please give me lesbians i BEG of you

ok, i need 1 ruby and 5 topaz to finish buying one of everything here. i'll remember

hahahahaha "you've gotta take your time when selecting gems and voe" wise words, lady

omg i found a bar but im too young to drink. nice, nintendo

lmao you can tell one of the ladies you're over 100 and she doesn't believe you dxkfjhg

ok so the hideout of the yiga clan is apparently to the northwest of here so i get to RIDE A SAND SEAL or surf behind one i guess. tbh im a little worried i'll break all my shields :/

i got a gerudo one that i really like!! goes with my scimitar and golden bow!

aww can i not wear accessories along with normal armor...? that sucks

LOL SEAL PUNS the options when talking to the sand seal lady are full of em im dying

wow i can't get this shrine unless i wind sand seal races which i can't do with the divine beast out LOL

jesus those sandstorms look so huge and terrifying...especially since i know they'll disable my map

i wanna explore but tbh i better just stick to the plot and away from those bad boys

oh JESUS i went to an outpost where they're monitoring the beast and it's. so big. and so loud and big and. so scary. oh my god, it's huge

oh FUCK i got too close and it started targeting me so i ran away and thankfully it stopped...definitely gonna take it easy on the exploration if i can help it

oooh no no no why is the air turning green out here...dnw dnw leave me and my map alone!!

uh, and where is my fucking seal...? i left it right HERE

ugh i had trouble mounting the one from before when i stayed in the monitoring outpost do they like leave if you stay gone a long time...? fml

awww this old gerudo never found the lovers pond ):

ugh i see so much stuff i wanna check out but im too scared to get off the seal for long :/ ESPECIALLY if i get stuck in a storm i'll want a way out

oh wow the air is so hot here even my gerudo outfit is useless

tbh, maybe that's a good thing, if i'm eating food i can wear armor with actual defense...much as i love these clothes they're great for getting your ass kicked

ok no seriously WHY does everyone from the yiga clan drop bananas..............

i know that everyone talks about how cool it is that this game just plops you down in the world and lets you figure it out for yourself without hitting you over the head with the instructions

but i just found a bow and some torches in a circle of lit torches with some obviously flammable banners nearby, so

i found the missing gerudo soldier!

"all i've ever seen them do is patrol and eat[in red text] bananas" LMAO WHATS THE DEAL MY DUDES

theres some bananas here on a table wtf do i do throw them at them?? lmao

OMFG LOL IT WORKED

dude pranced right over to it and pocketed it lmao

nooo i missed a chest...maybe i can get it on the way back out ;_;

LOL I FOUND AN ENTIRE ROOM FULL OF BANANAS

this is so funny dkjfgh fck

urgh i wish i could just...snipe them from here. it'd be so EASY

im actually not even totally sure which direction to go, im all turned around

ok, one stationary guy at the door maybe i have to move him?

NOOO I FUCKING FELL THEY SAW ME

i couldn't even fight they one-shotted me and mipha's grace didn't kick in! that isn't fair at all

at least i can get the chest i missed

lol and i cant save in here. perfect.

ok yeah im gonna have to look it up bc as far as i can tell this room has no exit all the hallways just circle back around into it

apparently i CAN fight them...? they're just really hard?

this walkthru is so unclear lol there's a hidden door i can find with magnesis on the right-hand wall WHICH RIGHT...

WAIT fuck i finally see the exit

ah ok. wrong room for the hidden door.

master kohga!! he just...knocked himself out with his own attack. lmao ok

fuck this is SO FUNNY he is so funny

i love it even his bones cracked

isn't what he used to be, apparently

wow this is a boring fight he has a lot of hp and he's so far away the only way i can attack is arrows

and now arrows aren't working anymore...? obviously i'm doing something wrong

maybe i can reflect the rocks back at him

ok google says to drop his things on his head

HAHAHA HIS SPECIAL ATTACK FAILED

this undertale naruto motherfucker im crying i love him

"pretty soon you'll be gone! and not just from my line of sight!" i'm CRYING

fuck the ball rolled on top of him and made him fall

"COWARD! I SHALL BE REMEMBERED!!!"

what a fucking legend i'll never forget you master kohga i promise

aaaand thunder helm retrieved

but i gotta rescue that missing gerudo!

ah good her cell is empty!

lol im skipping sooo many shrines rn...i'll come back to them later i swear

oh NOOOO i got a memory!!!

urbosa the prankster!!! witht he power of lightning at her disposal!! protective of princess zelda!! i'm dying!!!

also im sad so zelda's sealing power mjst be what she used to seal ganon away but apparently in the past she couldn't make it show up for her whole life...?

aw no poor riju the helmet is too big on her

(give it to meeeee)

ok it's time for the divine beast bit but before i do jack or shit im going to upgrade my armor as much as possible rn

ugh you can't enhance the gerudo clothes...geez

FUCK YES HERE WE GO!

aaah riju is talking!!! i always get so surprised!!!

i did it!! tbh i had a really hard time keeping up with her...a dash was too fast but regular speed was too slow

AAH URBOSA IS TALKING TO ME ;_;

ohhh wow it's really walking around while on it

oh man. it's so big. it's so big

oooh you rotate the insides of this one!!

i get the feeling now i should've done more shrines in this area afterall, they have the same sort of electricity theme and they would've been good practice

okay that was...easily the hardest beast so far

i had to use a guide TWICE and i could barely understand the instructions, PLUS i got two terminals by sheer dumb luck

oooh boy okay a lightning boss im assuming here we gooooo

LMFAO i suck so much at this urbosa was like "there is valor in dodging"

thanks zelda i missed your captain obvious statements

geeeeez i just barely got it

oh EW that never gets any less gross

ohhh my god

"I COULDN'T BE MORE PROUD OF HER" B Y E

oh my gOD?

she mentioned nabooru from oot BY NAME holy SHIT this continutity between games!!!

and "calamity ganon once took on the form of a gerudo that makes this all the more personal" jesus fUCKING christ

i feel so bad for ganondorf the man like

he didn't ask for this shit anymore than link or zelda

and at least they get to win most of the time he always loses and even when he does win he's hated, his win brings ruin

where's the fic where the only way to end the cycle is to become friends with him huh

or like, frankly: the true enemy isn't ganondorf but the evil that takes hold of him

when does he get to be the hero and fight it and smash it to little bitty bits!

oh lord and the blood moon as soon as i get back

do people like, see these towers popping up and beasts moving around? does it scare the shit out of them or make them hopeful?

anyway i hope now i can explore with less sandstorms

oh boy time to ride into a sandstorm gee i sure hope i dont get lost

LOL and first thing i run right into a camp of enemies just bc i was trying to stay in a straight line!!!! jesus

lovely! i am now hopelessly turned around in a sandstorm. i literally don't even know which way i came from

my sand seal is also STUCK lol

ah i passed through it! i'm right where i need to go!

omg I FOUND THE LAST GREAT FAIRY

i'm. i'm 500 short. oh my god

nothing i can't earn with 10 minutes of cooking, tho

huh...? she only asked for 1k...?

i could've SWORN i read someone asks for 10k at one point!

god what if i've been MISINFORMED all this TIME

ooh this one is orange and green

FUCK "i know what you're thinking...can't we just skip to the part where she enhances my clothes?" FUCKING PLAYED

holy FUCK just found my first molduga...i have to KILL one of these for a quest? jesus christ!

ohhh that actually wasn't too bad at all once i figured out the strategy...i've had more trouble with lynels and hinoxes

i'll be honest, the interactive map take a bit of both fun and "work" out of exploring...i look at empty areas and don't wonder "ooh whats over there" but think "ah i can just glance at that bit"

which should make me feel like my Pure Enjoyment of the game is being compromised, and i guess it does a little, but

i wasn't kidding when i said the need to explore was a bit compulsive so it's mostly a relief

ah from up here i see the sandstorm...i think it rotates around the desert? so, it's very possible to avoid and survive even if you do get stuck

anyway i missed several shrines but the quests for them are so complex and i am so Sick

of the desert. even worse than rain tbh

now the question is what to do next: master sword or rito beast

lowkey wanna wait until i get all four beasts before the sword, but

i know you do all four beasts and then ganon and that's it, so if i got the sword then it wouldn't help me for long

plus i'm a little tired of fighting the temperature and changing gear/eating food all the time, so......i guess i'll go check out the forest

maybe i'll see dinaal! i've only seen him once from veeeery very far away

im getting aaaaawfully close to hyrule castle i Dont Like This

lmao every time i catch sight of the divine beasts in the distance, the fact that i can SEE them from THIS far away, blows my fucking mine

they are SO BIG

im getting a much closer look at that flying thing and i'm almost CERTAIN it's a divine beast

just. jesus christ. so BIG

ohhh my gosh i can see the giant pink tree from here *_*

or maybe it's brown, maybe the deku tree is dead lmao

lol straight up skipped the bottomless bog and the enemies at the bottom bc i glided in from death mountain

whoa this tower has rock all over the top??

ah maybe it's so i can't glide to the big tree in the middle lol

not the lost woods if i don't get lost!

lol jk i got on top of it and there was a super cool sword here

aww rauru hillside...im sad

BRO im in the lost woods but its just playing the maze shrine music, i was so hopeful for saria's song

zora's domain having the same music set me up with false expectations t b h

omg if i go too high i die!! i can't follow my higher-ground instict here!!!!!

which is pretty cool but if all i have to do is wander around these woods with my map ON to find the master sword i am gonna be disappointed

even gerudo desert turned it off sometimes

ohhh okay if i wander off the path i also die i can't just go wherever i gotta follow torches i guess

mkay i googled it bc i got stuck and couldn't see anymore torches and it's wind direction! neat

see i feel a little bad about not figuring that out for myself but like...it's not Fun to die over and over bc you can't solve a puzzle. so #realgamers can shut the hell up lol games are for fun

the ember thing is SUPER clever tho and like i know this game is so like, praised bc it stops holding your hand, but i would have appreciated a TINY obscure hint

i did get as far as carrying a torch but i thought maybe i was burning off the fog or smth

omg i found korok forest!!!

there's my sword

said "oh" out loud

kinda wish the quest had been more, idk

but.

mmm not yet. not yet. i'll talk to some koroks first

haha and the very first one tells me to go get the sword all right all right

man. i always remember now that fi's been in there since the ages of skyward sword, sleeping

tbh i kinda miss her

even though she's way more annoying than navi could ever DREAM of being

for all we complain about compaions, they're a zelda staple and it feels lonely without them

i know not having one makes for a stronger game, i do, but...

really though. the master sword quest was SHOCKINGLY easy. i know i looked up the ember thing but geez it's the first truly disappointing this about this game

and my brother told me they made you work for it lmao but that was. not even close to Work. i've had more trouble at bokoblin camps

like. fucking weak. tbh. i'm so sad like i can't believe this game let me down

OH MY GOD

I TRIED TO TOUCH IT AND THE MEMORIES OVERWHELMED ME

and like at first i was like "ok if link gets his memories back with the sword i'll give them that, that's pretty sick"

AND THEN THE GREAT DEKU TREE STARTED SPEAKING

AND IT WASN'T LOST WOODS MUSIC BUT IT WAS FOREST HAVEN MUSIC

and i straight up burst into tears

"i have watched over hyrule since time immemorial" i know i know i was there i know i missed him so much one of the very first major zelda characters i ever knew i know technically he hasn't been there since the very beginning but he was my beginning

and i didn't even think i cared about him that much emotionally but i also welled up the first time he spoke old hylian in wind waker

oh god link's not WORTHY of the sword yet yes okay i'm here for this i knew this game wouldn't let me down

idk why i never considered the big pink tree might be the deku tree like i joked about it just a few minutes ago but i didn't seriously consider it so i was so surprised

and all the koroks running around and i know i KNOW they used to be kokiri it's almost like i came home, Really Home, the forest was where link began for me, not hyrule proper, he was always a child of these woods

ohhh my god i gotta mop up my face stream is soon!! jesus fuck

oh god now he wants me to pull it again

what if i'm not worthy? what if i am?

i don't have long left to play but i CANNOT leave it here, jesus christ

okay. i'm gonna try. i gotta try. courage!

oh my god it takes your LIFE?

and he said enough when i was down to my last quarter of a heart!! i'm gonna cry i was so close link tried so hard but he wasn't ready yet

i could eat food to max out my hearts but where's the fun in that........

ok. ok. i need to. step back a moment. fuck.

there's hestu! oh my god buddy you finally made it home!! me too pal me too

im gonna save and quit here before i talk to him tho bc like. i gotta stream. but Wow. god Damn

I KNEW THIS GAME WOULDN'T LET ME DOWN!!!!

LMAO I LIED JK im playing a bit more after stream

i talked to the trial korok and "do all the shrines here, it's based on the trials the legendary hero himself did" im crying!!! thats some History!!!

oh my god the koroks are so CUTE??

oh no this is so precious they've been waiting for him

sdfgsfdg "nooo vegetarians everywhere nooo that's my face" i wish i had thought to taka e a snap of that but i cant get him to say it again

aw omg they set up little stores and they only have one of many items please please i'm so proud of them

they set up a little bed for me!! they don't even want my money to sleep there!! i'm sleeping in a tree again, just like i was in oot ;____;

tbh it's so fitting that i did the scary mysterious thing of trying to pull the sword at night and i'm meeting the koroks in the brightness of day

i saw a shield resting on this rock and i had a tiny heart attack like OMG THE HYLIAN SHIELD?!?

ok. ok. i did the trials. i'm gonna see if i can get the sword now??

lol i have the same amt of hearts im not leaving to find a goddess statue and i was trying to boost my stamina anyway but maybe the food boost will help? unless they dont let me use it, we'll see

aaah no it DOESN'T omg

well, maybe one more heart container will do it...?

ugh i don't wanna go back and do the desert ones

me: already fast-traveling

Great, A Sand Storm, Just What I Wanted

fuck i stopped by town and there's a secret club that sells gerudo clothes for men

LOL why.........do they think dudes will feel weird looking pretty? come on

they said there's a high demand so i choose to believe there are lots of gerudo transmen. anyway back to the forest i got two more heart containers i pray it's enough i was SO CLOSE before

I DID IT FUCK I ALMOST DIED BUT I DID IT

IM GONNA CRY JESUS CHRIST

ZELDA SEALED THE SWORD

she's been fighting 100 years and she has so much faith in link

more importantly she heard the sword speak to her im crying fi is in there fi and zelda/hylia meet again

her smile is like the sun, i would do much to feel its warmth upon me again ME TOO PAL im weeping my poor brave daughter i promise i'll save her i promise i promise

it's almost 7am but that was worth it. that was W O R T H I T

#this was hands down the best part of this game for me so far #like it's all been fantastic but this section hit me the hardest in the feels #personal #loz blogging #botw spoilers #so many big giant spoilers #huge ones!!!!

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matchamabs · 3 years

Text

BOTW SHEIKAH TOWERS: RANKED BY HOW HOT THEY ARE

this is. not a good ranking. but surprisingly there r some very sexy towers so whaddya know 👀

the starting point,,,, the og,,,, the great plateau tower! this tower is a pretty easy climb, tho the whole like... almost killing u and sending rocks flying everywhere n shit is :(( lots of footholds look nice and all the water surrounding it is pretty. not to mention this is the tower u can climb and see ALL of hyrule on so its definitely good 6/10 not the sexiest tower but it has a lot to offer. i believe in it

the fact its on the other side of a huge fuckoff river that i always die trying to swim across makes the dueling peaks tower really piss me off but it looks rlly pretty next to it. still, its like. not a hard climb, but if u fall off ur basically fucked. the nearby bokoblin camp also makes me want to chug bleach so! 4/10 its hard to live up to the great plateau tower and frankly its not doing a good job of it. cringe tower next to the fail river

ok look. its normally not that bad! but i did the hateno tower for the first time whilst i was off my ass on malibu and my god did i have a bad time. the thorns,,, the lack of stamina,,, and im not exactly a tactical player either, so. ruined the tower for me a bit. its very aesthetic sitting up on the hill tho very nice very neat. very majestic. 5/10 thorns are sexy but not when you’re drunk :(

thanks google for giving me only the lowest quality res of lanayru tower. tbh im biased against this tower bc it rains every time i try and climb it so FUCK it. its a good looking tower tho?? its a bit lopsided but i think it gives it character! hey if italy can make it work,,, 6/10 lanayru region has a wat but thats all its got to offer

hm! fuck this tower! okay ignoring literally everything about ridgeland tower, its pretty! the lake surrounding it,,,, its very prim. even the wizzrobes make it look kinda nice. its a sexy tower but thats literally all its got going for it bc climbing it is an atrocious nightmare! 7/10 its like the rlly hot girl at school who has the personality of a tire fire

ill be honest i dont remember much of akkala citadel tower aside from the fact it was guardian central and i only climbed it literally after i beat ganon LMAO. truly its the chad of all towers. but sitting on the very top of the citadel,,,, surrounded by all the nice trees,,, it looks like it rlly belongs there. the malice at the bottom doesnt even look good tho. sorry dude who said this was the sexiest tower- its not :( 7/10 everyone tough until the trees start beeping

u know what i rlly like eldin tower. its kinda cozy lookin in the rock and the volcano in the background is pleasantly menacing. its abt as far as u can go without getting crispy, so its one hot ass tower. its got guts. ambition. its a tower i can respect. 5/10 not perfect but a cute addition. shes doing her best.

now THIS is a sexy tower excuse the poor quality image BUT wow,,,, woodland tower,,, this tower could be on fire and breaking down and it would still look hot. even tho its standing in a monster camp it rlly rocks it. the skull on the top,,,, this tower is the goth of all the towers, especially since its so close to hyrule castle. 8/10 this tower likes 2 accessorize

the hebra tower is VERY pretty,,, the blue rlly matches the snow everywhere so u know the tower has good colour coordination,,,,all the ice at the bottom is also cute. annoying but cute. very prim. its like the tsundere of towers. 9/10 chilly until u get 2 know her,,,

,,,,, well. i like it, at least. all the ruins around it rlly brings out its, uh ... malice. and in fairness they offer a quick way up there so this towers got backup plans for u. it cares for u. tabantha tower may be covered in malice but it makes it look Good. it rocks it. it works. 6/10 you did your best considering the circumstances

gerudo tower,,, its by far one of the sexiest. it just descends into the ground forever. the open space around it. the spiral mountain. the few and far between footholds. kass sitting on top. i like everything about this tower. visually, that is. climbing it is an absolute ballache of a chore. but its worth it,,,, for this tower,,, 9/10 if i could marry a tower,,, i probably wouldnt marry this one. good try tho.

hebra tower is hard to beat but central tower doesnt actually look That bad. the footholds that go all spirally up look rlly nice, and all the ruins around it is tres good. u get to see everything from the centre of hyrule which is rlly nice positioning. the guardians? hm. rlly ruin the atmos. it sits there and looks rlly pretty for when u get off the plateau and then BANG guardian laser. betrayal. i love u,,, but i can never forgive u,,, 6/10 this thing probably has laser marks all over it but hey just think of it as sexy battle scars,,,

hh i dont even remember this one tbh but i think its the lake tower and thats like. in faron. shows how much i care about it. if i remember right it keeps raining when i try and climb this tower so. i have a bias. i think its average tbh. the rainforest around it is SUPER nice until lit everything tries 2 kill u so. its a safe haven in a dangerous forest. it means well. 4/10 sweet but not hot. stop getting me struck by lightning.

this is one windy bitch! the wasteland tower! the footholds r all up at the top which is kind of a look but its surrounded by a swamp which,,, hm. not the sexiest choice. if i was trying to attract someone i probably wouldnt sit in a puddle of shit but u do u boo. 5/10 it looks nice on the top of a mountain but the functionality is dogshit

conclusion: theyre fucking towers idk why i rated these it was hard and i hate everything

#botw #breath of the wild #aoc #age of calamity #hyrule warriors aoc #hyrule warriors age of calamity #loz #legend of zelda #UGHHHH #this was. bad #my ranking is not very good im very busy today!#esc stuff u know how it is ;)#anyway if i had to pick a tower its hebra i love me a cold bitch

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