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#holding my friend’s hand when we got vaccinated and leaning on my roommate’s shoulder and going to the vending machine and ordering pizza
m0nstrouswoman · 3 years
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wow i am almost completely moved out and somehow not crying yet
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excelsi-or · 3 years
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just a little sweeter (pt. 10)
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HELLLLOOOOOOOO~~ are you guys still there? LOL, it’s been like a month and a half since I last posted on here. The end of the semester just really got intense with projects, presentations, and finals. But I’m here and back for at least two weeks. I wanna see if I can bosh out the rest of this series before I move onto another one. 
I hope you’re all well. If you wanna update me on what’s new with you all, I’d love to know. I applied to grad school. I have one more semester left before graduation. Vaccinations have started in my area of the world. I started playing Hollow Knight (if anyone wants to talk about THIS GAME, please do. I love it.) Think that’s kinda it. 
BIPOC reeeeeccccc: N. K. Jemisin’s The City We Became is EXCELLENT. Diversity, racism, feminism, LGBTQ representation. I love it so much. One of my favourite books of the year, hands down. Nicole Crowder on IG does like upholstery and interior DIYs and content. I’ve been wanting to upholster these two chairs in my home and she put up a whole 2 min tutorial on how to do it. 
w.c. 3k (lol, it got really long oops! fluff and mature content, not quite smut, but it was definitely getting there. The first draft of this part was basically just smut, so I chopped and fixed it LOL. hope you guys still like it.)
pt.1; pt.2; pt.3; pt.4; pt.5; pt.6; pt.7; pt.8; pt. 9
“What do you mean you haven’t had sex with him yet?”
She rolls her eyes and sets a bowl in front of her previous roommate. Soobin had moved out months ago, shortly after she’d met Jihoon.
“It’s going really slow.” She slips into the seat across the table. “We haven’t really said I love you yet either.”
“What do you mean ‘haven’t really said’? What? Just ‘cause Woozi’s an idol he doesn’t know how to treat you right?”
She motions for Soobin to tuck into the food. “Jihoon is treating me wonderfully, thank you very much.” She pauses, her chopsticks hovering in the air. “It’s just… slow.”
“He has a whole child!” Soobin chews her noodles as she continues. “You’ve already passed the point of going slow.”
“It’s not as if Eunha is my child.”
“The kid spends more time here than any of our friends or your family.”
“Jihoon’s been busy.” She shrugs. “It’s easier for him to leave Eunha here than take her with him. Plus, you know the Terror likes her.”
Soobin chuckles. “That little horror of a brother of yours likes everyone.”
She smirks. “Okay, fair.” Then she waves her chopsticks between them. “But Eunha’s probably the reason why he’s going slow. We need to see if we’re compatible.” She meets Soobin’s gaze. “The man has a child.”
“It’s been months!” Soobin quickly cuts in before any interruptions. “Seven months to be exact. You would think that the next step at analyzing compatibility is whether you guys vibe in bed.”
She hums. She doesn’t want to admit out loud that yeah, she’s been having fantasies about Jihoon. However, she hasn’t gotten any clear signals from Jihoon that he wants to pursue anything further than making out on her couch after a date. And before she can broach the topic, he’s off to go get Eunha. If Jihoon never wanted to have sex with her, she wonders if that would be a deal breaker. But she really has no idea.
“Have you talked to him about it?”
“Sex? No.”
“So, what do you guys talk about?”
She throws her head back with a laugh. “You say that as if the only thing you and Jae talk about is sex.”
“Well, it came up a lot when we first started dating.”
“That’s because you guys started off having sex.” She sighs, turning her noodles with the tips of her chopsticks. “This relationship is really different. I don’t know how to gauge it.”
“Do you love him?”
“I haven’t told him.”
“But you do.”
“Yeah.”
“And does Eunha put you off wanting to be with him?”
She rests her cheek in her palm. “I honestly thought she would, but she only makes me love him more.”
“Then talking about sex, even if you’re not having it, is the next step.” Soobin gauges her friend’s reaction. “Even if Jihoon is the type not to want it. You should at least know that. He’s obviously done it at one point.”
There’s a pause before they both say, “The child.”
She nods. “You’re right though. We should talk about it.”
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Seungcheol knocks on the studio door. “Hey. You needed me?”
Jihoon turns in his chair and nods. “Yeah. I need a second set of ears on this song. Bumzu hyung and Soonyoung are busy.”
Seungcheol nods and falls into the seat next to Jihoon. He notices the book on the desk. It’s been sitting there for a while. “You finish it?”
Jihoon glances at the book. “Oh.” Then, he resumes clicking through the excessive number of files open on his screen. “Yeah.”
And you haven’t returned it?”
“She reads it when she comes over.” Jihoon hands over the headphones and finally catches Seungcheol’s expression. “What? Is there some big meaning behind that too?”
Ever since he started dating, Seungcheol, Jeonghan, and basically everyone in the building has found various meanings in his songs and life that allude to how ‘in love’ he is. He’s not about to tell everyone he’s in love—she doesn’t even know that yet—but not everything going on is about his relationship.
Seungcheol shrugs as he adjusts the headphones on his ears. “You seem to think there isn’t.”
“God.” Jihoon sighs and turns in his chair. He drops his cheek into his palm. “Enlighten me.”
“She’s a big reader and doesn’t like to leave books unfinished. If she’s letting you hold onto it for her, for when she comes over here, that says something.”
“So does leaving my daughter in her care, but we all have something we need taken care of.” He turns back to the screen. “Now, listen to this hook for me.”
Seungcheol settles back into the seat. He bops his head along to the melody until the lyrics play clear in his ears. Wide eyed, he turns to Jihoon and pushes one headphone off his ear. “We’re not putting this on the album, are we?”
Jihoon looks over at him with an eyebrow lifted. “Why not?”
“This is such a… a bedroom… sex song.” Seungcheol shakes his head. “We can’t put this on there.”
Jihoon frowns. “What?” He looks at the file name and feels his cheeks heat up. “Whoa. Not that one.” He quickly closes the file and makes sure that it’s closed. But his checking gives Seungcheol time to see a folder with her name. There’s one for Eunha that none of the boys want to ask about, but his girlfriend? She’s fair game.
“You have a folder of songs for her?” He acts horrified. “And that was one of them?”
Jihoon tries to think of any way out of this conversation and realizes that due to his carelessness, he can’t. “Yeah. I guess I do.”
“How many songs are in there? Do they all sound like that?”
“I refuse to answer those questions knowing that everyone is going to know by tomorrow and it’s already embarrassing that you know about one of them.”
“Hey.” Seungcheol’s voice goes soft. He likes to tease, but he recognizes touchy subjects when he broaches them. “Sorry. I didn’t realize. You know you can talk to me, right?”
Jihoon side eyes him. “I don’t want to admit how I feel about her to you when she hasn’t even heard all the songs on there.”
“What’s the folder for?”
“Just… inspiration.” Jihoon leans back further in his chair. “The songs on the upcoming album have come out of there. At least the less… perverted ones did.”
“There are other songs like that.” Seungcheol tries not to sound too surprised.
Jihoon’s cheeks are so warm that he takes a sip of his iced coffee. “Lately… yeah.”
“Have you…” Seungcheol shakes his head. “No. How could you? You always come home for Eunha.”
At this, Jihoon looks at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Well… just that if you guys were having sex, you wouldn’t come straight home to your daughter, would you? Not when all of us would know.” Seungcheol narrows his eyes. “Right?”
Jihoon doesn’t even know how to respond to that except with the truth. “Fine. No. We haven’t yet.”
“Because of her or because of you.”
“Things are going slow. I don’t know… how to broach the topic.”
“Why can’t showing up to her door with passionate kisses be enough?”
“And what? Leave Eunha with you guys overnight?”
“Yeah, why not?”
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So, Jihoon does just that and it turns out so much better than he expected.
“Why does this shirt,” he mutters between kisses, “have so many buttons?”
She giggles against his lips and steadies his hands in hers. “You’re excited. Like a child. Calm down.”
Jihoon hums, obsessed with the taste of her lips and her hands around his. She guides him through the motion of unbuttoning her shirt. Once they’re undone, he pulls away slightly. She tips her head. Jihoon is gentle with her shirt, sliding it off her shoulders. Her eyes watch him the entire time, watch him admire her body as the fabric falls to the floor. His hands start from the sides of her thighs up her body, skimming over her underwear, and holding her under the arms, hands right by her breasts.
“You’re really gonna tease,” she chuckles. She closes the distance between them, kissing him and fumbling with his shirt. His shirt is easy, his sweatpants he practically steps out of. It’s once they’re both just standing in their underwear that she stops him.
“Are you sure you want to do this?”
Jihoon kisses her shoulder and up her neck to the base of her jaw. “Why would I want to stop?”
“Eunha?” she hums. The child’s face is prominent in her mind, but becomes hazy every time Jihoon sucks a spot on her neck.
“She adores you. Which gives me permission to also adore you.”
She smirks, arms wrapping around Jihoon’s neck to force him back to her lips. “I’m glad I pass the test.”
Jihoon scoops her up and carries her to the couch. She gasps in surprise, which forces him away again. Spread along the couch are a lot of her art supplies. When she turns back to him, there’s a grin on her face.
“I wasn’t expecting you to jump me tonight. I was planning to paint, so…”
“Do you want to clean first?” he chuckles.
She shrugs.
Jihoon snorts and picks her shirt up off the floor and hands it to her. As much as he wants to sleep with her, it seems tonight may not be the night. He finds his sweatpants and pulls them on then helps her move her art stuff. He sits on the coffee table while she manoeuvres her piece from the floor to the desk.
“Do you want to paint?” he asks.
She shakes her head. “I want to spend time with you.” She moves some stuff to make space for her piece.
“Do you want to teach me to paint?”
She peers over her shoulder at him. “Really?”
“Well, I’m impossible to teach, but I don’t want to leave yet.” Jihoon glances at her bare torso, as she hasn’t bothered to button the top. “And I like the view.”
She rolls her eyes, an amused smile on her face. “Are idols allowed to say stuff like that?”
Jihoon looks around her home. “Unless you have a listening device and turn me in, I’m confident to say how I feel about you.”
A smile blooms on her face at hearing that. She pulls one of her watercolour pads off the desk and motions for him to join her on the floor. She flips past the first two pages, but Jihoon still catches glimpses of them.
He grabs her wrist to stop her. “Were those of Eunha and me?”
“Oh.” She tilts her head and flips back. “Yeah.” The first page is from the night he had come over to learn to cook. The second was their first date.
Jihoon looks to her expectantly and she can only shrug.
“I draw what I like.”
Jihoon doesn’t know why he finds that embarrassing, but his ears feel warm.
She tips her head back in a laugh. “Of everything that’s happened tonight, Jihoonie, I don’t think you need to be embarrassed to hear that I like you.” She returns to the one with Eunha on it and pulls the sheet. “I wanted to give it to you, but I thought maybe it would be creepy if you knew I was painting you and your daughter from memory.”
Jihoon stares at the paintings. He can see Eunha’s expression in them; how happy she had been with the meal and the dessert. If this is what he’d look like that night, he had been extremely relaxed. His finger traces over the skin, amazed at how seamless it appears.
When his eyes lift to meet hers, she seems surprised to see tears.
“What’s wrong?”
Jihoon shakes his head. “Nothing.”
She slides closer to him and her thumb brushes his tears away. “You’re crying.”
Jihoon sighs and his head tips back, as he tries to keep the tears in. “I… it’s just that…” Jihoon’s gaze rests on her again. “No one else has seen Eunha like this. The members do, but they helped me raise her. Which is why sometimes she’s an absolute menace.”
She smiles.
“But…” Jihoon studies the painting, at his baby so beautifully depicted. “I don’t know. This kind of reminds me that maybe I’m doing okay if she looks like this.”
“Jihoon, you’re doing great. She’s happy and she loves you.”
“Sometimes I feel like I’m failing her all the time, and…” The tears appear again. “And I feel like I lost some of who I am, because I had her.”
She eases the sheet of paper out of his hands. Jihoon uncrosses his legs so she can move between them, draping her legs over his thighs. Her hands plant on the floor between them as she leans forward to press kisses to his face. His eyes close at the sensation. “Jihoon, she is all you. Your music is who you are. You live and breathe Seventeen. Just because you became a father doesn’t mean you lost any piece of the Jihoon that was there before she existed.”
Jihoon lifts a hand to the back of her neck to pull her closer. Painting is put on the back burner, as they get lost in the feeling of kissing each other. Jihoon’s legs curl behind her to prevent her from moving away. His free hand slips inside her shirt and finds home on her hip. His thumb moves back and forth across the skin there.
Meanwhile, her hands have pulled him as close she can get him, her fingers tangling in his hair. When she gives the hair at the base of his neck a small tug, he groans. This lets her slip her tongue into his mouth. He tastes like her coffee, unsurprisingly enough. And she has to admit, it tastes better on his tongue than in the cup.
She can feel his growing hard on through his sweatpants. When she pulls away to breathe, she asks, “So we’re not painting then?”
Jihoon hums something incoherent, because she latches her lips against his neck.
“Wait,” he breathes.
She slows her assault on his neck, but doesn’t stop.
“No hickies.”
“Simple enough,” she breathes against his skin.
Jihoon finds himself falling back onto the floor as her kisses trail all over his body. Her hands explore every muscle and memorize them. Jihoon enjoys the treatment, his eyes closing while he lets his other sense take over. She wiggles him out of his sweatpants again and then returns to his lips.
“Bed?” She adjusts her body over his, putting pressure against him, which makes it impossible for him to reply.
Jihoon looks up at her and his eyes are dark, pupils blown wide. She sucks a spot on the soft skin near his jaw, but stops before it can leave a mark. He manages to roll them over.
“You’re making it really hard to think.”
She slides a leg between his, which seems just enough friction for him to grimace. “You’re thinking with something else.”
“Where’s your bed?”
Her eyes dart to her left. He helps her to standing and then lifts her. Her legs wrap around his waist. If there had been other objects in the way, he would have knocked into all of them, because she starts kissing him again. And it seems like his brain shuts off as soon as she does that. He presses her against her bedroom wall and when he ruts against her, her breath catches.
“So, you are needy.”
“Lee Jihoon, you are literally between my legs,” she manages between kisses. “Yes, I’m needy.”
Jihoon pulls away for a moment. “But you’ve seemed so calm and collected tonight.”
She rolls her eyes and gently kisses his cheeks before saying, “If I was ready to pounce on you when you walked in here, would you have wanted to fuck me?”
Jihoon jumps at the blatant term, but he pivots so that he can lay her on the bed. One of his hand sneaks between her legs, his other arm propping his body over hers, and drags his fingers over the fabric. When she squirms beneath his touch, he says, “Maybe not. But… I’ve wanted this a while.” He meets her gaze. “So I don’t think too much have scared me away tonight.”
Her head tilts back as he begins to rub his fingers in circles. He watches her carefully.
“Stop staring,” her breath hitches, “and kiss me.”
Jihoon smirks. “Make me.”
She snakes a hand behind his head to pull him down towards her. Her kisses stutter depending on the speed of his fingers. His kisses trail down to her neck and nibbles the soft skin on her collar bone. She presses her hands into his shoulders to try to keep her bearings. When he kisses back up her neck and sucks the soft spot of her jaw and she moans something beautiful, he knows that’s a sound he’s going to have in his mind long after this is over.
He slows his fingers down. “How close are you?”
Her breath is heavy; she can’t even answer him. Her rut up into his hand is good indication though.
Two of her orgasms and one of his later, he returns from the bathroom with a washcloth and gently cleans her off. Then he lies on top of her again, her hands go to massage his temples.
“So, you’re going to tell your daughter we… coloured when you came over today?” she teases.
Jihoon rests his cheek against her chest, listening to her heartbeat slowing down after the exertion. “I told her she was staying with the members because I was coming over here for a play date.”
She laughs. “I mean, you’re not wrong.”
Jihoon can’t help but smile as he falls asleep.
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