#hhhhhhhi fuck feelings amiright

[toomuchdickfort]

...this is just a vent/rant post, don’t mind it

#hhhhhhhi fuck feelings amiright #you know #that thing where youre watching youtube and then someone mentions crying in a bathroom and you zone out for fifteen minutes before realizing #you cant write a proper vent scene with it because all the vent characters from that area in life arent there anymore and i care about them #too much to put them back or anything but i also cant do as effective of a vent scene unless ive got an emotional attachment and #basically feelings are bullshit and i dont want to have to figure out to deal with them #so i #being the Totally Definitely For Sure Healthy Responsible person i am #im just gonna #continue to let youtube autoplay and hope that it doesnt get too much worse #*uncomfortable fingerguns* #*also schedules this for hoirs later bc while i typed it someone commented on a similar complaining post from yesterday* #yo editing shit from the queue box. because yeah. time to Complain and hope it helps even though i shpuld be working on dinner. its 8. #i should have started something two hours ago. but im just. uncomfortable enough that the thought of eating just. really sucks. #but. the thing i really wanted to put into writing? #one of the worst reasons to me about the situation with my dad and his wife is that. i feel really bad about it. thinking about them for too #long like... really deeply upsets me. i even just see them and im just sort of. suffering a little bit for most of the rest of the day. #and i cant even name why. #i have about four instances that i can list if someone asks what they did wrong... but thats it. because anything else just... seems small. #and most of that is tara starting something and dad joining from what i can remember #i shouldnt have been glad that she started smoking again senior year but... dad would be willing to talk about things after. her hoing outsi #de to smoke gave me a chance to. try and share a bit if my side of things. #like it takes me really working myself up to be able to pull up a few instances where they did something wrong but by that point im in tears #and that means i’m ‘being too emotional to have a rational conversation’ #actually #fuck the sceduling for later im posting this to rant in the comments because if i run out of tags im not going to be able to do anything for #quite a while