#hey don't die on my watch?

[handfulofmuses]

Shenzi & Banzai: we expect the cub to die he was abandoned for a reason and it's probably not a good idea to take him in

Also Shenzi & Banzai: but please do not die on our watch because Ed will kill us

Cub Cheezi: ah man. having a lot of pressure here. now i gotta stay alive just so daddy does not kill these two hyenas and one of them is my uncle that i like very much /:

#ooc #i like how i have this whole thing in going with Kat's Banzai #and now I am talking to Chibi in dms and Shenzi is also like #hey don't die on my watch? #its one thing to expect the cub to die #but another when you actually have the responsibility of babysitting

[running-in-the-dark]

oh my god. I'm watching The Librarians season 4 episode 6. and I. don't. like it.

#Jenkins! what the fuck! don't do that! I don't like it #my boy 😭 #maybe I'll just. pretend nothing after like. early season 3 exists. that sounds like a good plan to me #I mean hey at least Flynn seems to be gone finally?? but still #ugh rude #just. let them run around having fun adventures man. none of that sad shit! I'm already sad! #and now Jenkins is SICK in the next episode?? NO. he is immortal. I am just going to pretend that he still is. #okay does he get hurt? does he die? if he dies someone has to tell me because I cannot watch that. 😭 #the librarians

[sage-nebula]

I've decided to make my own post because I am not an idiot, but full disclosure that this post is 50% based on thoughts I was having while I was driving home from the auto repair shop yesterday and 50% a response to a post I saw just now that conflated "redemption arcs" (things fictional characters go through in fictional stories) with "community support" (things real life people offer to other real life people in real life) and how this relates to "fixing people" (making someone who mistreats or abuses themself or others not mistreat or abuse themself or others anymore).

Read my words very carefully.

In fiction, it is more than okay to like whatever type of toxic or fantastical relationship you want. If you like to read stories about toxic, codependent people who are absolutely horrible to one another and will never, ever change, you read those stories. If you like to read stories about a tortured man who just needs The Right Person to teach him to be better, and then he is, sometimes exclusively only to them though, then you read those stories. Sometimes you want to read stories where the main character says "I can fix him" and fails spectacularly, and sometimes you want to read stories where the main character says "I can fix him" and succeeds spectacularly, and either way, you read whatever stories you want, whatever makes you happy, I'm sure it's somewhere in this vast Archive that we call Our Own.

However, in real life?

First of all, "arcs" aren't things real life people have. An arc is something that has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Real life people don't have those, because our stories don't end until we die. Unlike a character, whose life presumably continues even after their story ends (except in circumstances where they die at the end but you know what I mean), we have to keep living day by day, with all the rises and falls that come with it. Now, this does not mean that a person cannot change, or that a person can't get better and learn from their mistakes; but it DOES mean that we can't have a "redemption arc" where we complete a checklist of story beats and then suddenly we're a better person who has experienced the necessary growth to be forgiven. First off, no amount of growth or change ever requires any victims to forgive. And second, that's just not how life works. That's not how change works. Change and growth are baby steps taken each day, and sometimes you go backwards, and you get angry with yourself, but then you pick yourself up and you try again the next day, and the next, and the next. It's an ongoing journey that does not end until you die. That's life.

But second and more importantly, the real idea that I think the original post was trying to get at, but missing the mark on was . . . okay.

So, the original OP of the post (and the person who replied to OP) got angry at the idea that the strawman they had invented (the person who had theoretically said "you can't fix him!") would deny support to someone who needs that help to grow and change as a person. The person who had replied in support of OP added that the strawman clearly believed in punitive justice over rehabilitative justice as well. On the surface, I can see where they are coming from. After all, on the whole humans are a social species and do need support networks in order to not only thrive, but survive. People such as drug addicts need support and assistance in order to get into better places in their lives, and the prison system has been proven to be far less effective at preventing repeated offenses than rehabilitative programs. This is all true.

However.

The reason why "you can't fix them" is still true, and needs to be said and understood particularly by those who are susceptible to falling into abusive relationships (e.g. people who have been abused before, particularly in childhood or adolescence) is because of free will. Specifically, the free will that each of us has, but specifically the other person. Person A can want so, so, so badly to "fix" Person B so that they stop being an abusive alcoholic 75% of the time. But if Person B doesn't actually want to stop being an abusive alcoholic (even if they say they do during the 25% of the time they aren't smacking Person A around), and refuses to put in the work that it takes to become sober and be a better person, then guess what? Nothing Person A does will ever make them be a sober, non-abusive partner. They will be unable to fix Person B. It doesn't matter how much time, energy, money, or commitment they pour into that person. It doesn't matter how much they genuinely, honestly, earnestly love them. Because unless Person B wants to change, and will put the work into doing so, then they will not change, and Person A, for their own health, safety, and sanity, needs to exit that relationship.

Now, does that mean that if, ten years down the line, Person B decides they are ready to put in the work to get their alcoholism under control, no one should help them? Of course not! They should absolutely be put in touch with sober counselors, support groups, medical professionals, friends and family who can help them. Person A could potentially forgive them, if Person A chooses. But that willingness to change and put in the work has to come from within Person B first.

I've been in the position where I've seen people in awful situations just tanking their lives, people I loved and cared about, people I begged to just listen to me and get help, only for them to not . . . and ultimately I had to accept that I couldn't fix them. I could be there to offer support when they were ready to fix themselves, but the core work that needed to be done had to come from within themselves. I couldn't provide that. Not because I was inadequate, not because I didn't love them, but because I couldn't force them to do anything they didn't want, or weren't ready, to do.

So at the end of the day, "you can't fix them" isn't about not giving support. It's about recognizing your limitations as a human being. It's about knowing that:

You cannot force someone to do something they do not want to do.

You cannot force someone to do something they are not ready to do.

Not being able to help or save someone is not a moral failing of yours.

Not being able to help or save someone does not mean you do not love or care about them.

Providing support should never come at risk of your own health and safety, physical or otherwise.

When you love someone, it can be really hard to accept this. You think, "I know I can make them want to try. I know I can inspire them to want to change. I know they love me, so if I just love them a little harder, they will want to change." Nine times out of ten, though, that is just not true. And if someone is abusing you, it is not worth the literal risk to your life to keep trying. You are worth more than that. You are more than just someone else's band-aid.

Keep yourselves safe in 2024.

#not an abuse scenario but: my mom died of covid-19 #it's relevant to this discussion bc she was a trump-supporting republican who refused to get vaccinated #bc the far-right propaganda shows she watched told her the vaccine ''wasn't a real vaccine'' #and i know this bc when i literally BEGGED MY PARENTS to get the vaccine my mother LAUGHED IN MY FACE and TOLD ME ''it's not a real vaccine #so anyway both my parents got it. my father almost died from it #my mom seemed like she was doing much better . . . except she CONTINUED to smoke heavily while both having covid #and recovering from covid #and once again i said hey don't you think you should not smoke cigarettes while recovering from a serious respiratory disease #and once again she laughed at me #anyway 2 months later her heart gave out in her sleep and she died #bc her body couldn't handle the stress of the cigarettes + alcohol (she was also an alcoholic) after covid had done its thing to her #she was only 56yo #so this was a case where i wanted to fix my mother. i tried so hard. and i've similarly tried to fix my father (who is still alive) #but i can't! my dad almost died and my mom DID die and my dad STILL won't get the vaccine #I HAVE BEGGED THIS MAN. WHO IS NOW 73. TO GET VACCINATED. AND HE STILL WILL NOT. #you can't fix people!!! you can't!!! you can offer them support if they want to fix themselves #you can help them fix themselves but you can't fix them. you just can't. no matter how much you love them #and in abuse cases it can be really fucking dangerous to keep trying. #anyway. that's my TED talk. thanks for attending or w/e it is they say

[tastymarbar]

yeah that's fine I didn't need my heart anyways

#mar kenji posting #persona 3 #kenji tomochika #I was watching a stream and the streamer picked the first option saying ''cheer up man'' which i did not pick on my playthrough #and then i proceeded to die on the inside #I'm. I can't #also the way joe zieja delivered those lines broke me... #HE SOUNDED SO GENUINLY HURT I'M AAAUUGHHH #i'm so ough #there's also the last option to just laugh which is horrible why would you do that #it makes me start to sob on the spot i kid you not #if you don't like this guy thats fine but laughing at his misery????? at his low point???? is way too mean???? #honestly ms kanou gives mega sus vibes i don't like her #several ranks kenji begs mc not to tell anyone and then she goes ''he must have been the ones who spread the rumors'' #like bitch nah he didn't he wanted it hidden and got scared when it got out #she's an adult and a teacher if she noticed kenji had a thing for her she should not have indulged him #told him ''hey you seem to be getting the wrong idea'' #but now she let's him in her house for tutoring gives him her number #and in the femc routes reveals she just has him do her chores essentially #and the maya SL implies she bragged about a student asking her out and even considered it???? #ethics teacher my ass get the hell out here #god. #where's my option to hug him atlus he needed one on god #hi i really like kenji can you tell lmao #if you read all this hi hello i hope you have/had a nice day :D

[deeisace]

.

#having a bad time tonight tbh #1. i have a sore throat #2. bottom dysphoria is kicking my arse. breaking my queer little heart. #it's pretty new i don't have any tricks to help #3. thinkin bout cancer #like like um so #i don't want bottom surgery purely cs it's a whole thing to sort and you have to go under a bunch #and im terrified of just not waking up y'know #i can and i will for top surgery and hysto ill force myself through it bcs it is what i want #for trans reasons #and also hey i can definitely die slowly of various cancers #like my nan and her mum. and my gran (not dead yet). and my dads (bio one clear for 25/4 years. blacksmith one currently getting a diag). #or! i can maybe die quickly of something that is actually useful to me. y'know. #but bottom surgery is still 3 goes am i remembering right? for something that like #i am uh. like it's not fair. it's not. i should and i don't and ugh. #but it's too much to do to fix it. dyou know? and i just i just #bluh #im. gonna try not to think for a while. gonna watch stupid youtube videos instead

[lungfuls]

sorry for being such a prolific tiktok hater but the most annoying sound in the world is someone watching tiktoks

#to me #it's not annoying like watching them but it is over-stimulating i just don't realize until i put my phone down #one of the reasons i only had it for a day #but the constant sound switching slash replaying of videos that are almost engineered to be as noisy and gimmicky as possible #ughhh i die i also hate being continuously shown tiktoks by someone #like hey look at this. look at this. look at this. n i have to stand there and watch them even tho they're all memes so i know how they end #and i have to fake chuckle every time #oh my goddd minus hp. minus hp. minus hp.

[dbphantom]

fuck it im watching the (other) mermaid magical girl show

<- obsessed with magical boys and girls and merpeople

#no the OTHER other mermaid magical girl show #wait ok i just looked it up on crunchyroll holy shit there's SO MANY i didn't realize this was like fi/nal fan/tasy there's so many... #not all of them have mermaids tho. wadda hell #cruddy rambles #i know this is because as a trans dude i intentionally removed myself from feminine stuff out of fear of being perceived as a girl as a kid #you know ye olde 'i HATE pink stop FORCING pink on me' -> 'actually pink is such a nice color now that im not being forced into it' #so now that i know myself im exploring it like ''hey this stuff actually slaps AND i get to be a dude 'despite' liking it'' #i can have my cake and eat it too and if you're mad about it then die mad about it bc im not changing for anyone anymore #rahhhhh rahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #and im gonna watch it while beating the fuck outta people in skyrim. very much looking forward to it actually. #update: #so i didn't realize this entire show is gonna be about putting on make-up ;-; #episode 1 was uhhhhhhhh. well... they REALLY like lipstick. im happy for them don't get me wrong but this is not for me LOL #makeup gave me serious self image issues sooo i do not feel good watching this even if the message is just 'wear it and be confident' #which like. i probably could've guessed from the name? but tbh i thought it was like... magical girl 'make-up' not LITERAL makeup #happy for everyone who likes it tho! mermaids are awesome and the characters seem great i am just getting ick-ed by the focus makeup has

[elytrafemme]

call the hairdresser and call the mediator because the way i'm splitting to the fucking ends right now

#babes i'm so sorry about it i'm SO sorry about it but i don't think we can blame this one on the period craziness anymore #i've not even been that mentally ill lately but my friend said we like can't hang out before he goes back to school #AND my sister doesn't want to hang out tn and i'm genuinely like? i'm going to break my fucking phone #like okay i'll just kill myself. whatever. i'm becoming super fucking toxic it's really bad #obviously i don't say this shit this is internal i'm not gonna push for anything that's super fucked #but like. ohhhh my God the rage i'm feeling right now. i need to kill someone #literally why am i like this. no explanation no anything i'm just like this? who fucked me over though like what happened #what's my tragic backstory i've got nothing i'm literally just crazy #he's not even answering my fucking texts anymore like tell me to die. pussy. do it. do it! fuck w me right now #and i was so nice i literally was like. hey no worries how's your summer been what's been going on! #i'm watching more youtube within the last 10 minutes of checking my phone i've almost thrown up and thrown it twice #do you think people try to fuck me over. do you think that's a thing. like they're testing me #if you showed me some of my old online friends right now the way i would rip them into pieces #my girlfriend's been pissed lately too like it's my two best friends riding for me and nobody else #oh he replied fucking great. shooting myself in the head i'm so manic pixie for this i'm so fixing him right now #i'm not he's got a girlfriend. but like. whatever. could've been me & i think about that when i'm mad #i do not like him but me and her are literally the exact same she's just prettier and smarter and i'm more of a good person #not right now though. i need to loop someone gets hurt from mean girls until i'm fucking normal #neg #vent #suicide tw

[windfighter]

I keep hearing people say "that's not what eurovision is about" but no on ever says what eurovision is about so I had to go check out the first ever winner of it and

amazing. I wish modern eurovision could be a little more like that

Anyway my conclusion is that: Ballads is what Eurovision is about and y'all are cowards for hating on them ;P

#windy wrambles #eurovision #I don't mind the modern music #and the different genres #but all the effects that make my eyes and ears hurt? #yeah eurovision is not really accessible if you have sensory issues #ableism? In my eurovision? It's more likely than you think #I still watch it though #hey it's /music/ and I would die without it #I would probably live without esc but music is my life <3 #music and writing #wish I could write songs but eh #anyway #having the live orchestra there? #A live backup choir? #bring. it. back #just *holds gently* I love it it gives a completely different vibe #also less flashing lights PLEASE #I also googled Ballad just now and honestly I don't even know what classifies as a ballad any longer #this is not a call to explain it to me #(although I think my askbox is open if you want to) #ANYWAY listen to Refrain and touch some older ESC-songs :3 #it's nice and calm over there :3 #Youtube

[monstermoviedean]

for me, it's that i spend 40 hours a week thinking about shit like this, and then i go to watch my favorite little dudes, and it's okay if they're sad sometimes, but i don't want them to be destroyed by the same shit i am getting paid to try to prevent in real life while the show suggests it's not only inevitable but good actually

#i work in mental health and spent a lot of time today discussing suicide prevention trainings #so it's an extra bummer to watch a show that's like wow this guy wants to die. guess he has to! #in case anyone is like hey is she okay. yeah i'm fine. i'm not great but who is? i'm surviving and i'm proud of that #but please don't read this as a cry for help or anything #if i was crying for help i would admit it. i go out of my way to be honest. even on here when no one would know #so i'm fine. i'm functioning. and that's pretty good! #spn

[renthony]

Your personal triggers and squicks do not get to determine what kind of art other people make.

People make shit. It's what we do. We make shit to explore, to inspire, to explain, to understand, but also to cope, to process, to educate, to warn, to go, "hey, wouldn't that be fucked up? Wild, right?"

Yes, sure, there are things that should be handled with care if they are used at all. But plenty more things are subjective. Some things are just not going to be to your tastes. So go find something that is to your tastes and stop worrying so much about what other people are doing and trying to dictate universal moral precepts about art based on your personal triggers and squicks.

I find possession stories super fucking triggering if I encounter them without warning, especially if they function as a sexual abuse metaphor. I'm not over here campaigning for every horror artist to stop writing possession stories because they make me feel shaky and dissociated. I just check Does The Dog Die before watching certain genres, and I have my husband or roommate preview anything I think might upset me so they can give me more detail. And if I genuinely don't think I can't handle it, I don't watch it. It's that simple.

#this post is directly inspired by that goddamn Stop Setting Horror In Hospitals post I keep seeing #fuck you actually I don't care if YOU find it triggering #plenty of my disabled friends including myself like seeing hospital horror used to examine systemic ableism and abuse by doctors #you don't have to engage with it #but you also don't get to say it's not allowed to exist anymore #jackass #original post

[running-in-the-dark]

once again didn't do anything useful tonight. but I'm fine with that. I mean - I don't want to die anymore! that's something.

might have added another show to the apparently never-ending list of things I use to distract myself from how much real life sucks am obsessed with right now. it's fine. I'm sure I can handle it. 😬

#I mean there's... leverage and the librarians (and kinda sorta almost paradise but the last episode I started was stupid so I'm ignoring it #for now) and night court and now x-files #but hey. that's better than having *nothing* to spend all my time thinking about just so I don't accidentally have a thought that hurts too #much and makes me want to die :') #and soon I'll be stuck in a tiny room with nothing to do in a house with people I am low-key afraid of. sooo I guess it might be good to #have a lot to watch..... #personal

[parvumchao]

TAGS, PART FOUR - PRIMARY OCs

#( general. / tag drop. ) #( he settles all the scores. / dom. ) #( burning like we're never gonna die. / murph. ) #( never been good at growing up. / shaun. ) #( the beautiful thieves no one suspects at all. / bullet. ) #( all her life she's bound to lose. / lou. ) #( nothing good ever comes without a fight. / leona. ) #( her every word was in italics. / aisling. ) #( open up my eager eyes. / eddie. ) #( daddy's little defect. / suzy. ) #( claw my way out through these walls. / sparrow. ) #( the bittersweet between my teeth. / ray. ) #( you're going to rise up singing. / bea. ) #( the kind whose spirits are runnin' free. / kayla. ) #( stood beneath an orange sky. / farah. ) #( gonna raise the stakes. / brad. ) #( i want more that's the score. / nicky. ) #( couldn't help thinkin' that there was a little more to life. / reggie. ) #( watched you fall apart & said nothing. / lux. ) #( i was invincible brick and mortar skin and bones. / ollie. ) #( success it loves a witness. / kt. ) #( hey little sister what have you done? / cacey. ) #( no one needs anyone they don't even just pretend. / johnny. ) #( mount everest ain't got shit on me. / frankie. )

[axylotal]

how has it been 2 years since the meetup. how HOW??

#it feels both like yesterday and 70 years ago #i remember what i was doing while i watched it still #like just oh my god #how much people change in 2 YEARS is insane #i wish i could tine travel back to me watching this stream and tell her 'hey they haven't streamed in like a year lmao' #i think she'd die of shock #like essentially my days were centered around watching the stream that night or catching up on streams and i just don't do that anymore #i dont even watch ranboo live rhat mych anymore if anything i watch vods #just. damn

[rinriniisthekatch]

This was not in Dick's plans today. Seriously, it was his one day off and all he wanted to do was bug the shit out of Jay and relax in the comfort of his own home before heading to the manor and practically beg for Alf's good food.

All Dick got was being kidnapped with another person and Riddler's goons. No blindfolds, hands cuffed and tied with a rope. Wow, they really didn't want them to escape today. It's time to just wait for his brothers... maybe B, too.

"So, is Fashion Disaster #3 gonna do something with us, or are we just sitting here to look like two pretty birds?" Dick didn't recognize the voice, but he did snort.

"Quiet." One of the goons demanded as he hit the other guy in the face with the gun.

"You know, you told me to talk once, and now you're telling me to shut up? How does that work? Cause I can totally make an echo." Oh god, this civilian is taunting the goons. Sir, we are still tied, and they can kill us.

Is he... he is! He's humming, Baby Shark! OK Dick, don't laugh. Don't laugh. Hold it in. You can do it. Fuck. No, he can't. Dick took a deep breath as he attempted to regulate his breathing to not laugh at all. Cause, oh my god, this guy is making him want to laugh!

"So... how's it going? Besides being tied up like a domninatrix waiting for us to loosen up." Dick looked at the other guy. He was cute and fucking hilarious. Warm ice blue eyes and shaggy crow black hair.

"Oh, you know hanging out. Trying not to die from laughter. Could be worse." Dick grinned.

"See! That's what I'm saying...! People need to loosen up around here. How do you feel like breaking out?" The smirk on the other man's face screamed menace.

This is the type of person who Dick watches out for while being a cop. The other guy gave him a look. He had said that aloud. Whelp. Too late now.

"Bro. My record is clean-ish. But like sometimes my family is all kind of crazies. Mad scientists types. Genetics, y'know?" Dick still didn't know this man's name.

Dick cackled, "You're a scientist?"

The other man smiled widely, "Engineer for WE actually." Dick noticed the man's hands were free now. The cuffs and rope weren't cut, but he somehow got out anyway.

"Oh, really? How long have you been working at WE?"

"Hey! I said, be quiet! Now, shut up and stop talking!"

The smaller man huffed, proceeded to grab the goon by the gun, flip him forward, and then kicked him in the face, knocking him out.

Dick blinked, "How..? Wha-"

"Like I asked, do you wanna break out? I'll forgive you for being a cop and a date?"

Yeah... "You know what, why not?"

#dc x dp #dick grayson #danny fenton #danny is not the ghost king #dick grayson x danny fenton #danny is vibing being kidnapped #like this dude is literally just rolling with it lol #dick is having a wtf moment #they 100% went on that date #dick's brothers are confused on where they're at

[cuchufletapl]

Crazy that Izumi called her employee at the meat shop and said something to the effect of, "Hey, I know I'm only giving you a couple hours notice but I've got two kids that I'm going to ditch in Yock Island for a month to test them, could you hide there and watch over them covertly to make sure they don't die. I'll pay you extra if you also put on a komainu mask and terrorize the shit out of them." And then Mason, the otherwise completely normal butcher's assistant, was like, "How did you know this was my life's dream," and went off to live in the wilderness and attack children for thirty days and nights.

#he gave his all to harassing ed and al like it was his CALLING istg #it sends me every time I think about it. god no wonder the brothers turned out like they did #fma #fma manga #izumi curtis #fullmetal alchemist #my original post #my commentary - sort of meta?