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toomanyfandoms02 · 4 years

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Family Reunion // Luke Alvez x Reader

Blurb request for @hotchocolateandpillowforts but turned into a long one.

Summary - Reader is so tired of her family patronizing her for not having a boyfriend. So she begs her best friend Luke Alvez to fake date her for a day at her family reunion.

Word Count - 2.6k

Prompt - "These heels are peeling off my **skin**. But yes, keep complaing about your tie you whine ass."

Luke and I did everything together, this included shopping, like we were doing right now.

"What do you need a dress for anyway? Don't you have enough dresses." Lyke commented, sitting out in the sitting area of the changing rooms.

"I have a family reunion tomorrow, and since we always go to my rich aunts lake house, I have to have something extra nice. I would look dumb if I wore the same dress." My voice bounced back at me in the small fitting room. I cringed at the sound of it.

"Is it like some chardonnay party?" He questioned.

"Is that even a thing?" I stepped out, adjusting the dress in the full size mirror.

"It looks great on you." Luke pointed to the flowery and poofy dress.

"I would agree, if I was going to prom." I sighed. "But alas, my teen days are over." I made a fake swoon, causing him to laugh. "I have one more to try on, and if it doesn't work out, I'm not going." I stated, dramatically walking back into the small space. I began to slip on the last dress.

This dress was a light tan color. It was short and poofed out towards the bottom. Dark blue embroidered flowers bloomed every which way starting at the middle. I waltzed out again, not having to adjust anything on the mirror this time.

"Now *that* one is smokin'." Luke looked me up and down, causing my cheeks to heat up and an undeniable smile to appear on my face. Just as he said that, a younger girl, I would assume a teen, came from the room adjacent to mine.

"You guys are such a cute couple!" She gushed. "I need to find me a man who compliments like you do." She said, pointing to Luke.

"We actually-" we said at the same time.

"We aren't-" We were now pointing at eachother decoded to give in.

"Thank you!" I smiled at her, smoothing the dress down.

"Of course!" She left the area with a few dresses in hand, leaving us alone.

"I don't want to go to this party anyway." I let out a groan, remembering my hardass family.

"Why not? Don't like your family or something?"

"They are always passive aggressively calling me a prude for not having a boyfriend. They think I'm incapable of holding a relationship and constantly patronize me for it. It's complete bullshit!" I threw my hands in the air in frustration. "Now the worst part is, I've been lying and telling my mom that I have a boyfriend for like 2 months now. I figured 'how hard could it be to fund a temporary boyfriend in two months?' Prettt damn hard for me apperantly." I vented, now sitting next to him on the small leather couch.

"How about I help you out. I'll be your fake boyfriend for your little reunion." I looke dup at him with what I could only assume was puppy dog eyes.

"You would do that for me?" I was silently cursing myself for how desperate I was sounding. But I really needed this to be completely honest.

"Yeah of course!" His hand sat between my shoulder blades. "I have one question though. This isn't a dealbreaker, but I really want it."

"Oh no." I chucked.

"Would I be able to bring Roxy? Lately she's been having separation anxiety." This wa absolutely perfect.

"Actually that is probably doable. My whole family brings their dogs to these things. My aunt may be rich and kind of a snob, but *boy* does she love dogs. I'll text her right now." I pulled my phone out, feeling excitement bubble up inside me. Finally, my family will shut the hell up about my relationship life, and it was going ti feel so good.

Even if it was fake.

*Hey Auntie! I'm bringing my boyfriend tomorrow and he wanted to know if he could bring his dog? Shes a well trained German Shepard, Roxy.* I eagerly awaited a reply, surprised to see her immediate text back.

**You're bringing a boyfriend this year! Hell, he could bring an elephant and I wouldn't say no to a boyfriend! Absolutely. Bring 10 dogs!** I could feel her enthusiasm through the phone, she was a very excitable lady.

"Alright, Roxy is all clear for entry. And if you have 9 more dogs on hand, you can bring those too... Apperantly." I shook my head ta my phone. Luke looked at me quizzically and I shook him off too. "Okay first of all, I'm buying this dress." I stood swiftly, gesturing to the beautiful piece of clothing. "Second of all, after we check out, I need to tell you about my family so you don't walk into the line of fire blindly!" I changed from the dress into my regular shirt and pants again. I slung it over my arm and headed back out to Luke.

I paid for my dress, heading out to his car.

"So, first things first, auntie Jess, the womans house we are going to, has been waiting for me to have a boyfriend for quite a while now." He nodded with an amused smile. "My mom can be a little overbearing, but I'm sure she will love you so don't stress. Bring a bathing suit with you just in case my family so graciously suggests that we play a giant game of Marco Polo. I think that's it!"

"I'm honestly excited." He rubbed his hands together mischievously. "What should I wear?"

"Kind of specific, but can you just wear a white button up with rolled sleeves, a blue tie to match my dress. I know you have one. And just some slacks. Don't forget to wear your swim trunks under it though!"

"I dig these specifics. I'm gonna live *completely* up to your fantasy." He winked. I rolled my eyes at the silly man.

"Thanks Luke. You're sure you're okay with acting like my boyfriend? We have to be all lovey, and believable." His hand was placed on my shoulder.

"Of course, anything to get your family off your back. I get it." I'm so thankful for this man.

I fluffed my dress at the end, twirling around in the mirror. My hair was tied up in a simple ponytail that continued to bounce as I spun around the room. I didn't bother putting on any makeup because I knew we would be swimming today. I ran down the stairs at the sound of a knock on my door.

The other side showed Luke. He was pulling at his rolled sleeves to perfect them. He came looking just as ai imagined, we were truly going to look like a power couple.

"Alright, let's go." He looped his arm through mine and led us to his car. He opened the passenger door for me once we got there.

"Keep acting like such a gentleman and my moms probably gonna like you more than I do." I snickered as he started the car.

"I'm just playing the part!" He grinned. I turned to the back of the car, petting Roxys head as she panted.

"Are you excited to see other dogs prettt girl!" She made a soft bark in response. I I forward and kissed her snout, then sitting properly and buckling up.

It was a short drive from my house to the lake house, once we got there we sat for a minute.

"I'm a little nervous." Luke confessed, facing me with a concerned look.

"I would comfort you, but I'm nervous too." I patted his arm and exited the vehicle, looking back to see Luke giving me an 'unbelievable' look. My hand pulled open the back door to let Roxy out.

"Roxy come." I pointed to my side. She lightly hopped out and placed herself beside me. As Luke came from the other side of the car, he held his hand out to me. I grabbed it and headed into the house.

"Should we bring Roxy with?" He asked.

"Absolutely."

Right as we came in the door, my auntie saw us.

"Hi sweetie! How are you?" She peered down at our joined hands.

"I'm good. This is Luke." I looked over at him, he was giving a charming smile.

"You must be the man she keeps talling about!" She was practically bouncing with excitement at the mention of me having a boyfriend. She was quick to crouch down to a lower level. "And you must be Roxy!" She was using her typical baby voice. Roxy sat quietly by Luke's side. "You are quite obedient."

"She's a trained military dog." He commented, petting her ears.

"How cool!" Jess stood from her previous position and began walking farther into the house. "Come meet the rest if the family Luke."

We were dragged into the livingrook as he gave me a worried look. Before I could comfort him slightly, we were already standing in front of my family. I started introducing everyone.

"That's my mom, uncle Jeff, my brother Mike, and my cousin Nick. These are the only people I will know here." I laughed, pointing to the large amount of people that were outside. "I will not know anyone outside. So we will be experiencing the same thing." This earned a chuckle from everyone.

"It's nice to finally meet you Luke." My mom came up and hugged him. He accepted and hugged back tightly. Everyone else just sat and waved and I could feel an awkward silence coming on so I interjected.

"Luke and I are gonna head outside with Roxy so she can meet the other dogs." I rushed us out the door and huffed. "I don't know if I can do this." A sigh slipped from my lips.

"What do you mean? Did I do something wrong?" He looked like a sad puppy, one that had just chewed up a pillow.

"No! No, I don't know, I feel bad that you have to lie."

"I really don't mind, I promise hermosa." He used the Spanish word for me a few times. *Beautiful*.

His hand grabbed mine and dragged us into the yard.

"Let's get Roxy to meet some new pups." As we entered the yard, I could see 2 dalmatians, 1 chihuahua, 1 pitbull, 2 Rottweilers , and a Husky. Roxy calmly walked to the other dogs, soon prancing around them. I looked over at Luke to see him pulling at his tie.

"This tie is tight."

"These heels are peeling off my **skin**. But yes, keep complaing about your tie you whine ass." I giggled, reaching up and loosening it for him. Time to go into a swarm of people I don't recognize.

I guess I was wrong, I *did* recognize some of these people. One of which was my distant great aunt who was a little nosy but meant well. We had all been talking for a few minutes before she dropped a question that Luke and I had not prepared for.

"How did you two meet?" My face paled, I sure as hell was not going to tell her the truth, which was that we met on a crime scene when my college roommate was murdered. I squeezed his hand, signaling that I would answer this. I'm going to have to wing it.

"I was dog sitting actually. When I was taking the girls dog for a walk, I stumbled upon a dog park and she got really excited. She ran straight into Roxy." I pointed to the happy German Shepard who was laying in the grass next to the other dogs. "They tumbled over eachother and I came over to apologize to him, and her."

"I saw her and I thought, 'wow, beautiful and a dog lover? Sounds like an angel to me.'" He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer, kissing my forehead.

"How sweet!" She squealed. "I'm so happy for you dear. He's a keeper." She whispered loudly to me, walking towards her husband now. I elbowed his arm and gave him a playful smile.

"Well aren't you a master improviser!"

"*And* I'm a keeper." He teased, pulling me towards Roxy. Then we heard shouting.

"Alright everyone! If youbroght your swimsuits you are legally obligated to do the annual giant game of Marco Polo!" My mom shouted from the porch. I bounced a bit while dragging Luke to the lake.

"Take off your clothes!" I egged him on.

"This isnt the circumstance that I thought I would hear you saying that in." He replied, pulling his tie off. The tips of my ears were burning at this.

"Was there a circumstance that you imagined me asking you to take off your clothes." I wiggled my eyebrows at him and he just rolled his eyes.

"The world may never know." He was rid of his shirt now. His toned chest shone in the sun.

*Damn he is actually ripped.*

I could feel myself ogling but I couldn't stop myself. I was still fully clothed.

"Why do I have on less clothing than you." He complained. "Turn around." He commanded, I did so with confusion. He pulled the zipper of my dress down and pulled at the straps. Now I was the one thinking not-so-clean things.

*What did you get yourself into Y/n?*

I let the dress slide from my shoulders to show my bikini. It had a yellow sunflower top and plain white bottoms.

"No way." He deadpanned, not hiding how he was looking at my body.

"What?" He pulled his pants down to show sunflower swim trunks with a white background.

"Oh my god we look like a cringy couple." I held my hand over my mouth, trying not to laugh like an insane person. Sooner we were in the cold lake, beginning the game.

"Alright, newest family member is it." Jess pointed to Luke and I shrugged. Everyone shifted around the area and the game began.

"Marco!" He shouted. A chorus of voices responded with Polo. "Oh God." I could hear him mutter with a snicker.

I swam silently beside him, hoping he wouldn't yell Marco.

But we know what kind of luck I have.

"Marco!"

"Shit." I whispered right next to him, attempting to go under to avoid being tagged. But his reflexes were too fast. He grabbed me with both arms, pulling me to him and opening his eyes.

"You're it." That's when I felt it, I knew I would remember this feeling for a long time.

The spark.

And before I knew it, he kissed my lips quickly. He pulled away and let go of me.

"Don't cheat! Close your eyes." He left me completely in the dark on the situation that just ensued.

I'm gonna kill this man.

The game ended after 45 minutes. I was it twice because I'm kind of a slow swimmer.

I jogged up to Luke, who was coming out of the lake. I pulled him aside, bringing him down to my level.

"What was that." I whispered exasperatedly.

"Well you said you felt bad that I had to fake this. To be truthful, not much of this is faking for me. Is it for you? Do you wanna keep this a fake thing?" His finger gestured between us. My brows furrowed at the question.

*Of course not.*

"Are you sure?"

"How many times are you gonna ask me that." He laughed, bringing me into another kiss.

*This is going to be quite the story to tell people.*

#luke alvez #luke alvez x reader #criminal minds cast #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fic #criminal minds #spencer reid

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getoffthesoapbox · 6 years

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Hello! Many questions anon again! You turned off your anon questions before I could send another message lol. I hope you don't mind but I'm back with more questions. So I saw one of your asks about Zero being almost too accepting of Ai, and I was just wondering how much of a role Zero really played in Ai's life? What I mean is, after Zero is attacked and Yuuki warns the vampires to leave him alone, she says that they stopped seeing each other and only met at the bench. (1)

(2) And this was whilst Ai was maybe 4 years old? And then by the time she’s about 8, she says that Zero doesn’t come round the house a lot and she stops seeing him as a father and starts seeing him in a romantic light? I guess what I’m trying to ask here is, how much did Zero really raise Ai? Because I’m not sure he was there much, and it feels like a lot of the fandom try to paint him as the perfect step father just to make it seem like he was 100% okay with Yuuki having a child with Kaname?

Welcome back, my friend! Sorry for turning my askbox off for a bit–I was getting a little tired of passive aggressive hate asks, so I thought a cool down period would be good for everyone’s collective mental health. ;)

As for your question, my personal take on the story is that Zero seems to be fairly seriously involved with Ai’s life up until she’s around five years old. We can tell this based on inference from several small scenes:

Zero’s close enough to the family to be drinking from Yuuki in Ai’s bedroom in VKM 2, not something uncles/friends do

Ai is comfortable and close enough to him to insist he’s her dad (rather than than something more distant, say, an uncle or brother) despite Zero correcting her in VKM 2

Ai “ships” Zero and her mother together in her diary entry in VKM 3 and she writes diaries to him period which indicate serious closeness (she tells him things she doesn’t tell her mother too, as we see from her leaking the story of Yuuki’s underwear in VKM 3)

Zero is the only character we ever see actually playing with Ai (VKM 5), a prime feature of father figures–this would be different if we saw, say, Aidou playing with her or Takuma (uncle figures), but only Zero gets this privilege

Ai is excited to move in VKM 6 because she’ll be near Zero’s work

It bothers Ai when Zero stops coming around as often as he did formerly (which indicates there’s a serious difference between his current visits and his previous ones)

Even after Yuuki “benches” their relationship, Zero is still involved enough in the family life to be driving Yuuki and Ai to balls and back (VKM 7) and to be taking Ai to visit Yori and Aidou on Yuuki’s behalf (VKM 8). So despite his presence in Ai’s life diminishing slightly, clearly he was still involved enough to be an important factor if her life. Her feelings don’t shift for him until she encounters “other men” at the ball in VKM 8 (and Zero being “safe” with no sexual interest in her–unlike the other young men perhaps–and not “claimed” by her mother becomes attractive to a young girl just hitting vampiric puberty).

In short, I believe Zero was very involved in Ai’s life as a parental figure in all ways but in name up until VKM 6. After VKM 6, he’s still a parental figure, but it’s more like a divorce scenario–he only gets “custody” of Ai under “approved” circumstances. That doesn’t change the fact that for most of Ai’s early life he was basically a live-in boyfriend who helped raise her (VKM 2 implies he was part of the typical bed-time routine).

Obviously how much he was involved is speculative at best, but given that he’s Yuuki’s main source of blood throughout her pregnancy and also afterward, and given that he and Yuuki seem closer during Ai’s early years on a romantic level (Zero openly speaks to Yuuki about love in VKM 2, but stops talking about it by VKM 9), it’s likely he was fairly seriously involved with Ai’s growing up years–if not, it makes no sense why she would call him “Dad” rather than “Uncle/Zero.”

To give you an example, I was heavily involved in helping to raise my friend’s child, my soul-niece. However, my soul-niece has never once “confused” me with her real mother–I am her auntie and have always been her auntie. Children, especially children like Ai, are too smart and perceptive to make mistakes like calling an uncle figure “dad.” The fact that Ai wanted to call Zero “dad” implies he held that role in her life, even if Yuuki and Zero themselves wouldn’t acknowledge it at the time.

I personally do think Zero was a perfect step-father to Ai especially given the circumstances, and that he is the very reason she grew up as stable and functional as she is (her inbred genetics certainly didn’t contribute to that). I don’t think Yuuki’s worth beans as a mother, especially not for a precocious and intelligent child like Ai, and so I would never take away the role Zero played in Ai’s life, despite her ridiculous parentage. Zero certainly loves her too, as we can see from his response to her touching his face in Yuuki’s memory from VKM 10–even if his feelings are complicated, I think his love for Ai is real (otherwise why would he plan a world for her in VKM 8′s forge memory, rather than for Yuuki?).

It’s quite possible given how little we know from the time period between VKM 9′s teething scene and VKM 9′s confession scene 50-some-odd years later that Zero’s feelings as a parental figure toward Ai may cool the longer Yuuki refuses to acknowledge his role in her life and Ai’s, and this might be contributing to the idea that he wasn’t much of a stepfather–a distance grows between him and Ai once she confesses her love in VKM 8, and then Zero hardly talks to Ai at all in the chapters from the later years like VKM 3 and VKM 9. I suspect some of that is due to Zero trying to be respectful of Ai’s feelings, and some of it is due to Ai trying to keep herself in check, and some of it is due to Yuuki trying to separate Zero and Ai because of Ai’s feelings, but none of that has any bearing on the fact that up until she was 8, Ai held Zero as a father figure and for all intents and purpose he was her father figure.

Long story short, I feel like Zero’s experience regarding Ai is more nuanced than the story lets on and than fans admit. He has a real parental relationship with her that’s complicated by a.) Yuuki’s refusal to allow him to take his proper place in the family, b.) the source of Ai’s existence (Night 89), and c.) Ai’s own feelings changing to a romantic focus thanks to the confusion Yuuki’s created by not clarifying his role in Ai’s life, all of which contribute to making his situation more of a quagmire than it might otherwise have been.

These are just my thoughts on the matter, though. =) Obviously since we aren’t shown every day of their lives, we can’t know how much or how little Zero was involved. We can only go by context clues. =)

I hope that addresses your question…I feel like I went off on a tangent. XD If I didn’t, feel free to clarify your thoughts. =)

#vampire knight #vampire knight memories #vkm spec #vkm speculation #kiryuu zero #kuran ai

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francescamartinoli-blog · 5 years

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MANGIA - GAME

You haven't been feeling like yourself. In fact, you think it's been months since you've really felt normal. Although, honestly, you're not even sure what you mean by "feeling normal" — you do know, that it's not how you're feeling now.

Questo gioco interattivo, si basa sull’esperienza, di una malattia cronica. Per ora non mi sento diversa nel dare questa risposta, d'altronde è anche l’unica che posso dare visto che fa solo continuare la narrazione.

IMMAGINE – ONDULATA

Your cell phone is buzzing—it's mom. Answer. Ignore.

Mia madre sicuramente si starà preoccupando di quello che mi passa per la testa, e decido di rispondere così per tranquillizzarla.

Mom: "Why didn't you answer any of my calls this weekend." You: "I was really tired. Last week was stressful and I just wanted to relax." Mom: "Well Kevin and I went out to the mall and..." You're pretty annoyed that she didn't even care to ask why you'd been stressed. Tell her you have to go, because you have homework to do, and hang up. Hear her out.

Decido di ascoltare il discorso, così da non pensare a ciò che mi sta accadendo. Ovviamente mamma mi ha chiamato, spesso e sono stata io a non risponderle perché avevo altro per la testa, vuole solo sapere se sto bene. Mi fa sentire amata dopo tutti i problemi che ho.

Mom: "It was so funny! Here I was, with Kevin, and he was trying to get me to buy this Teletubbies DVD. This woman walks by us and I'm like, she looks really familiar. Then, someone yells out her name, they yell Hollis! And I realized that she was one of the famous models from the 70s that I'd been shot with a few times..." Cut her off--tell her you have homework to do and hang up. Tell her: "Cool, that must have been exciting."

Rispondo che deve essere stato eccitante e mi sento molto contenta per lei dopo che ha visto una sua grande ispiratrice.

Mom: "It was. Then we left the mall because Kevin needed to use the bathroom, and you know, we're still doing the potty training thing." You: "Yeah." Mom: "You sound upset—what's the matter anyways?" You: "Nothing, I'm just tired. You know, school and whatever..." Mom: "Is something wrong with you and Emmett?" You: "Oh my god mom, no, we're great." Mom: "What else could possibly be bothering you?" You: "Uhh I just haven't been feeling great." Mom: "Well, get some rest. I'm going to head out now because I have to pick up Kevin from the therapists." You: "Ok, bye."

Ormai ci siamo dette tutto, e lei aveva da fare, ho un fratellino più piccolo a cui deve badare. Solo mi dispiace che non sia qui con me a sostenermi, ma non la voglio pesare di altri problemi… ormai sono grande e non voglio essere un peso per nessuno. Cosi la saluto.

IMMAGINE – ONDULATA

You don't really like talking to your mom. All she cares about is your weight, and if you bought any new clothes recently. She always asks about how school is going, but doesn't seem very interested in the details. Call your boyfriend instead. Go to the kitchen for a snack.

Mangiare non risolve i miei problemi così decido di chiamare il mio ragazzo che magari con lui riuscirei a sfogarmi, solo in lui riesco a trovare conforto e tutto ciò di cui ho bisogno.

Emmett: "Hey, how are you?" You: "I'm alright—so tired though." Emmett: "You've been really tired lately, like... a lot. Maybe you should take a day off from work?" You: "I can't—I've already taken off too many days lately. I basically have no sick days left." Emmett: "Ok, well... can I come over tonight?" You: "I was hoping you'd like to. I just got off the phone with my mom, so I'm sort of stressed out. I'd love some company." Emmett: "Sure, I'll be over in an hour. I'm gonna run and get my bag together, ok?" You: "Sure, ok, I love you. See you soon." Emmett: "Bye!" Go get a snack from the kitchen. Begin to prepare dinner for two.

Decido di fare qualcosa per non pensare ai miei problemi e sono così contenta che sta sera sarò tra le braccia del mio ragazzo, da non star più nella pelle ed inizio a preparare subito la cena.

You decide to make some pasta, because you're not a very good cook and it's a really easy thing to make. While you wait for it to boil, you go into your bathroom to look in the mirror. You see some black stains on the ceiling above you in your reflection. You have to remember to get your landlord to come check it out—it might be mold, you think. Have some Cheeze-It's while the water heats up. Shut the bathroom door and look in the full-length mirror.

Decido di stare nella mia intimità e vedere come sto e come mi sento… Mi sento un po in ansia per sapere come sono.

You look in the mirror and lift your shirt up. You stare at your stomach—it feels full and uncomfortable. It's odd, because you haven't eaten in a few hours. You stand there staring at your stomach, and wonder why you stopped going to the gym. You would like to blame grad school, but you really just feel too tired to go most of the time. You think your mom would probably kill you if she saw you in a swimsuit. Check to see if the water is boiling. Continue to look at yourself in the mirror.

Cerco di continuare a guardare lo specchio disgustata e di capire dove sto sbagliando, in sto periodo sono stanca e stufa di fare tutto, quasi di vivere mi sento senza un obiettivo.

You look at yourself in the mirror and remember being really little, like 12 years old, at a birthday party. This girl whose birthday party it was... well, she was very athletic, and proud of it. She told everyone at the party (we were all girls) to lift their shirts up so that we could see who had the flattest tummy. You had always been pretty round as a child. You weren't huge, but you definitely felt like your stomach protruded more than all of the other girls. Your friend walked around, commenting on everyone's stomach. She got to you and poked you, hard, right above the belly button. You could almost hear a squishing sound in your head, and she said "your tummy is so round, Nina!" Your phone is buzzing.

Mi ricordo tutte l’esperienze passate e mi angoscio al pensiero di essere stata quella più in carne tra tutte le mie amiche. Non volevo essere diversa, ma gli altri non facevano altro che farmelo notare. Mi sento costantemente a disagio col mondo e con me stessa. Il mio telefono sta vibrando, deve essere il mio ragazzo.

You made a stupid tweet about Pokemon earlier and it got a bunch of retweets. That's pretty cool. You also have a calendar notification for tomorrow—a doctor's appointment. It's with a gastroenterologist. You got an endoscopy recently, because you'd been having some weird stomach and chest pain. Everyone says it's probably just acid reflux, but your aunt has a hernia, so they told you it was best to get checked anyways. You're a little anxious about the appointment, but you think it'll go fine. Emmett's calling--he must be outside.

Sapere di avere un appuntamento col medico sicuramente mi mette in agitazione, soprattutto con i problemi che ha avuto mia zia… Continuo la storia, Emmett che deve essere fuori casa.

You run downstairs and open the door for Emmett.

You have been dating Emmett for seven or eight months. His apartment is in Manhattan, and it's tiny, so he usually stays over at your place. In fact, he basically stays over every night. You've never been in a relationship for this long, so you feel really strongly that you want it to last.

You go up into your apartment together, kiss, and sit down on the couch. Emmett: "Want to watch some anime and eat dinner? I'm starving." You: "Sure! I made some pasta." While you serve the pasta, tell Emmett about the issues you've been having with you mom. Bring the food back and put on Netflix so that you can watch some anime.

Decido di non pesare su Emmett e di caricarlo anche dei miei problemi… Così porto la pasta e metto su un anime facendo finta di nulla. Anche senza confidarmi so che li ci tiene a me come io ci tengo che stiamo insieme e al suo fianco sono felice.

He says that you should put on Trigun, since they'd already started it last night. You tell him that that sounds good. While you put it on, you tell Emmett that, if you'd been watching this as a teenager, you would have probably finished it in a single night. You used to always download anime, and would lock yourself in your computer room for days at a time, just watching all of these shows. Your mom would always get mad, and would call you lazy. Your dad even once got so annoyed that he ripped the computer off the desk and held it out the window like he was going to drop it, unless, he said, "you turn off all the damn video games and cartoons and go outside." Emmett opens his eyes really big and says, "he ripped it out of the wall? Oh my god." You nod, and sprinkle some cheese on your pasta. You tell him that your dad was pretty mean, but your mom was always way worse because she was passive aggressive. Tell him how your mom always made you feel guilty. Tell him about the time your ripped all of your moms magazines up.

Le due scelte fanno ribrezzo… mia madre non mi ha mai fatto sentire in colpa. E soprattutto mai e poi mai mi sarei permessa di strappare le sue riviste. Ma il gioco è questo e decido di non fargli sapere che sono stata così cattiva da strappargli le riviste ma faccio la vittima. E mi sento disgustata a dare questa risposta, perché nessuna madre si merita queste parole da un figlio.

You tell Emmett about how you were always snacking as a kid. You'd finish a bag of goldfish in an hour flat—in fact, you and your friend Kate used to make goldfish addiction jokes all the time. You would also eat food in secret, because you sometimes felt too guilty to eat while your mom was around. So, you'd often tell your mom that you were going to meet up with some friends to go for a walk, but really, you and your friends would go get a slice of pizza. Sometimes, you'd even take money out of her wallet so that you could buy candy from the dollar store. Emmett says he doesn't blame you for wanting pizza. He says that it must have driven you crazy, to feel like your eating habits were being policed. You nod and wrap some pasta up on your fork. Eat up.

Mangio e mi sento bene, la pasta è proprio buona, mangiare è bello anche se a volte può logorarti sentirti in colpa per come mangi. Mi dispiace solo che mia mamma e mio padre non capiscano le mie passioni.

IMMAGINE – ONDULATA

The noodles are steamy. They smell and taste good, and suddenly you're ravenous. You eat a few forkfuls and lean back onto the couch. Emmett goes to get you both some water, and you take a few more bits of pasta.

Ho fame e sono stressata, non vorrei esagerare. È l’unica risposta possibile e mi rassegno.

IMMAGINE – ONDULATA

Your chest feels tight—it's almost like asthma. It couldn't be though, because you would be wheezing. Emmett brings back the water, and you gulp some down and it feels good. You eat more of the pasta—you're almost done.

Faccio fatica a mangiare e mi sento piena e nauseata, non so se è un bene continuare.

IMMAGINE – SCARABOCCHIO

Your stomach feels hot and full, almost bursting. The heat in your stomach feels like it's rising, and you feel it sharply in your chest. Nausea rolls over you, and you sit forward, hunched and quiet. Emmett is still enjoying his food, and he looks over at you. "Are you alright? You look really pale?" he says. You tell him that your chest is in pain. Your chest is in severe pain and you have no idea why.

Mi sento male, mi fa paura e mi mette in ansia tutto ciò, e se stessi per morire? Non può essere, vero? Non so essere obiettiva, mi sento in paranoia…

IMMAGINE – SCARABOCCHIO

Why would your chest start hurting suddenly? Were you choking? It almost felt like choking—or like someone had taken your esophagus, and was twisting it round and round until it was taut. Every second, in a steady beat, a sharp pain stabbed the very middle of your chest. You're so confused, and horrified. "I have no idea what's going on inside my body," you say, and you're crying. You curl up into a ball and press your forehead into your knees. You're wondering if you'll die. . . .

Evidentemente avevo ragione… anche io poco prima mi sono posta la stessa cosa… mi sento una veggente. Scherzi a parte non so cosa aspettarmi… come ho già detto la situazione è la precedente.

IMMAGINE – SCARABOCCHIO CON PROFILO DI DONNA

You wake up, and Emmett's already sitting on the couch with his laptop in the living room. He sees you roll over, and walks back into your room and gets into the bed. He pulls you over and squeezes you. "Morning—how are you feeling?" he says. You tell him that you're feeling ok—just sort of drained. Last night was rough. You tell him that you've got to get going because you have that doctor's appointment. Have sex, and show up to your appointment a little late. Go take a shower and walk to the train with Emmett.

Con tutti i problemi e le paturnie che mi faccio mi ci vorrebbe un po di affetto, e non penso a ciò che il dottore oggi mi dirà…

You're not like super horny or anything—but, if you have sex, you think that you'll be in a much better mood. Honestly, you woke up feeling emotionally drained, like you had just lost a pet cat or something. You really needed a reminder that you weren't alone, especially right before this potentially awful doctor's appointment. You have sex, but you're not super into it—you have a lot of trouble getting your mind off of the pain from last night. You're not in pain anymore, but you can still feel where it hurt. You can't stop thinking about it, no matter how good the sex feels. It seems to make Emmett feel better though, which makes you happy. You run to the bathroom to brush your teeth—the black spots on the ceiling are still there. You text your landlord, because he was supposed to take care of that a while ago. You throw on some clothes and head to the doctor's.

Anche dopo che abbiamo finito, non mi sento appagata, sono sommersa da una moltitudine di pensieri e tutto ciò mi provoca tensione nel sapere che cosa mi sta capitando.

Whenever you're feeling down, you tend to listen to the same kinds of music—droney, electronic, sad stuff. You always do this, and you feel like it must be pretty lame. You look at everyone else on the subway—it's 9:00 AM, so they all look like they're heading to work. You pause your music, and the train is silent, except for the hiss of the engine and the momentary clash of wheels on the tracks. You play your music again—the noises in the subway make you feel lonely. Everyone looks so sad. There's an old man in a worn-out plaid coat standing next to a young man with a leather suitcase. The old man's eyes are shut, and the young man is reading something on his iPad. You think that the old man has probably had a hard life—you wonder if he has a job, or a family. You don't think he ever had an iPad, and you feel bitter towards the young man, who gets off at this stop. You have to get off too, and you wonder if the old man will ever get off the train. You walk a few blocks to the doctor's office.

Non pensare alla mia vita, e vedere quella degli altri, mi fa star meglio. Anzi non mi fa sentire bene, so che la tensione sta salendo e così evito solo di pensare al peggio.

"I'm here to see Dr. Li," you say to the girl at the front desk. She recognizes you, and tells you to wait and he'll be right out. He is, indeed, quick, and you walk into his office a few minutes later.

Ecco ora la tensione diventa sempre più forte, sono in bilico tra delusione e inadeguatezza, entro e vediamo cosa mi dirà. Tutto ciò porta con se tanta ansia.

He tells you that he will review the results of the endoscopy with you, and that he wants you to ask any questions that you might have. Questions...? You shift in your seat, leaning on the arm rest.

La cosa sembra al quanto grave… mi sento un po rassegnata.

IMMAGINE – ONDULATA

"You don't have a hernia," he says, "but there were a few issues." You feel a little bubble expanding in your stomach, it feels faintly like the heat from last night.

Spero mi sappia dare delle risposte urgenti, al più presto. Voglio solo che le cose me le dica il più presto possibile, voglio torgliermi questo peso e capire come posso aiutarmi. L’ansia mi assale oltre alla nausea.

IMMAGINE – ONDULATA

"You have a mild case of gastritis, which will go away after a couple weeks of medication. It's really not a big deal at all—it's some inflamation of the tissue in your stomach." You can feel your chest rising and falling with each one of your breaths, in and out.

Gastrite… pensavo molto peggio di così. Eppure non mi spiego tutto questo dolore. Non riesco a sentirmi tranquilla con tutto questo male al petto.

IMMAGINE ONDULATA

"You also have..." and he shuffled around some papers on his desk, pulling out a photo of... something pink—clearly, a picture of something in your body. "You have a condition called eosinophilic esophagitis." . . .

Ecco la famosa cosa grave che mi aspettavo… in realtà per ora non so cos’è ne come si può curare ma mi sento rassegnata a tutto ciò.

IMMAGINE – SCARABOCCHIO CON PROFILO DI DONNA

eosinophilic esophagitis eosinophilic esophagitis eosinophilic esophagitis ecc “” your head feels like an echo chamber and your stomach feels like a living creature, fighting to expel itself from your body.

Più la vedo scritta più mi destabilizza e non riesco a rimanere calma.

Eosinophilic esophagitis," said Dr. Li, "essentially means that there are rings on the inside of your esophagus—inflamed rings. These rings are what's making it difficult for you to swallow. The burning sensation in your stomach is the gastritis. Unfortunately, eosinophilic esophagitis doesn't have any proven treatment." You're not sure that you understand what the doctor is saying anymore. All you know is that everything around you feels and sounds loud. "However, of course, we need to deal with your issues swallowing. There's a treatment that's... not well studied, but I have used it with other patients and some have found success. You will need to take two puffs of a steroid inhaler daily—puffing onto your tongue, and swallowing the substance. You'll also need to avoid foods that are not easy to chew, like chicken, because you're at higher risk for choking that the average person." You can see the noodles from last night, and all the tough vegetables, on your white plate. "The steroid inhaler isn't very good for you—but you must know that, because of your asthma. So we'll give it a try, but I'll need to check on you fairly frequently." He continues to tell you about the dangers of steroids, and the kinds of foods you should avoid—but all you can think about is the white plates at your apartment, full of food. You leave with a prescription and a follow-up appointment in a month.

Potrei morire soffocata quando mangio, e la cosa non mi entusiasma… mi sta venendo paura… il cibo non sarà più lo stesso dovrò lottare tutti i giorni con la vita e la morte. Mangio per permettermi di vivere, uso un apparecchio per permettermi di non morire… Se mi capitasse davvero una cosa del genere mi sentirei terrorizzata.

IMMAGINE – DOCS

Call Emmett. Call mom.

Chiamo mia mamma perché deve essere la prima a sapere cosa mi sta accadendo e se sto bene, lei è l’unica che può starmi vicina in momento simile… Resto demoralizzata.

Mom: "What happened? You talked to the doctor?" You're standing on the corner of the corner of Lafayette and Grand St. You still have to go to work, but you're stuck on the corner. Your whole body feels like it's being crushed by the weight of a steel anchor. You can't even blink. Mom: "Hello? Nina?" ...

Non so che dirle esattamente… mi sento morire.

IMMAGINE – MEMORY

You feel a sob tear through your throat and into the phone. You're not sure what you're more upset about—showing your mom how weak you are, or your newly diagnosed chronic health problem. "I'm not ok, I have a condition." You hear yourself saying "a condition" in your head. You're saying it over and over. Mom: "Well—tell me what he said." "My esophagus is swollen... there's these rings. It's called eosinophilic esophagitis. That's... I have to eat soft things now. I can have soup. No chicken. No Vegetables. No Popcorn... I could choke." Mom: "So, you just need to get a blender and watch what you eat." Hang up on your mom. Tell her that you're afraid to swallow anything.

Ansia e terrore di provare a mangiare qualsiasi cosa.

You: "I don't want to eat anything." You can feel your face getting hot. You know that you're easily provoked by your mom, because she often jumps to conclusions before you're ready to hear them. You feel like she's being insensitive. Mom: "Try to think about the positive side. This will help you have a better diet. You'll lose some weight." Hang up on your mom. Continue arguing with her.

Io non posso credere che mia madre per una cosa così delicata possa pensare a tutto quello che possa riguardare una dieta… mi sento davvero arrabbiata e non posso che continuare a discutere.

You: "I just got diagnosed with a DISEASE and you're going to tell me that it's a good thing? This is insane. I should probably just kill myself. Maybe then you'd be satisfied with my body." Mom: "Nina, that's not fair. You shouldn't say things like that. I'm just trying to help. You need to be more healthy now that you have this condition." Tell her that you're sorry. Hang up.

Le chiudo il telefono in faccia, davvero come può pensare a una cosa simile… mi fa infuriare.

You are in disbelief—you always knew that your mom was harsh, but it seems to be totally insane for her to be insensitive about your sudden condition. You can barely contain your anger, which just makes you more upset. You wonder if you'll ever stop crying. More importantly, though, you're at work. And your face is wet and red. You're not sure you want anyone to see you like this. Wash your fash in the bathroom. Go to your desk.

Magari non è il caso di far pena agli altri, mi lavo la faccia e mi do un contegno, pur sentendomi triste e sola…

The water at work is always freezing. It's alright though, because you went to the bathroom on the first floor—no one ever uses it, so you're alone. You can deal with the cold water as long as you're alone. You stand in front of the mirror and stare at your face. You look pale and you feel small. Your head feels like it's shrinking. It feels like your blood is thin. You rub a cheap paper towel on your face, and it leaves you more red than before. You're not sure you can avoid looking like a wreck at this point. Return to your desk.

Non posso farci niente, e me ne faccio una ragione… Senza voglia mi trascino alla scrivania. Amareggiata.

You're starting to wonder what you're going to eat tonight. You haven't even had lunch, to be honest, but your stomach feels too battered right now to even consider eating. ... The work day goes by quickly. You spend most of it thinking about what you're going to eat tonight. Definitely not pasta, you thought, especially after last night... that pain. All you have other than that, though, is chicken. The doctor said chicken was a choking hazard. You feel nauseous just thinking about it. It's five. Go home. Go to the grocery store.

Vado a casa, non mi va di vedere cibo con cui posso morire soffocata… vado a casa e mi sento stanca e indifferente quasi a tutto.

You strip off your clothes and crawl into bed, wrapping yourself up in your comforter. You don't even have the energy to go to the bathroom to brush your teeth. You lay on your side and bring your knees to your chest. You're tired, but you can't seem to shut your eyes. All you can do is think about what you could have had for dinner. Bread, quiche, pizza, meatballs, steak, pork buns... These are all things that you can't eat anymore.

Devo dire che è davvero deprimente, non poter più mangiare determinate cose, è davvero triste.

IMMAGINE – MELA

IMMAGINE – ZUPPA

IMMAGINE – POLLO

IMMAGINE – PATATINE

IMMAGINE – CAROTA

You jerk suddenly and wake up—your phone is vibrating. It's Emmett. You: "...Hello?" Emmett: "Hey, I'm outside." You: "Ok, hold on." You go downstairs to let him in. He shuts the door and hugs you. The two of you stand together, and it's warm. You lean your forehead into his shoulder and shut your eyes. Tell him that you haven't eaten dinner. Lie, and tell him that you ate before he got there.

Non mi va di mangiare dopo tutto quello che è successo, tra le sue braccia mi sento al sicuro e so di poter star bene se sono con lui… ma preferisco mentirgli piuttosto che star male o di soffocare per colpa del cibo…

Emmett: "What did you eat today?" You: "Oatmeal." Emmett: "...for breakfast?" You: "...yeah." Emmett: "You're not a very good liar—you know that. I'll make you soup. I can't watch you starve yourself." Tell him you're tired and that you want to go to bed. Sit down on the couch and wait.

Preferisco dormire piuttosto che morire soffocata da qualsiasi cosa… mi sento rassegnata dalla situazione.

You: "Soup..." You say it and feel weak. You feel nauseous even thinking about eating, but you know that it's for the best. Emmett makes you a bowl of chicken noodle soup. The bowl is full, and it looks huge to you. You can't imagine eating the whole thing, but you'll try. You know that Emmett is right—starving isn't good. No matter how tempting it is, at this point. You dip your spoon into the bowl, bringing up a pool of broth to your lips. You take a sip, and it feels warm and nice. You swallow, and it feels like the liquid is scraping the rings on your esophagus away. Emmett: "How was that?" You nod with approval, and scoop up a few of the noodles. You eat them, chewing thoroughly, and everything goes well. You start to feel full. Finish the soup.

Finalmente sono riuscita a mangiare qualcosa con l’aiuto Emmett, mi sento appagata e nutrita e il suo amore mi fa stare meglio.

IMMAGINE – PIANTO

It feels like there's a balloon expanding inside of your stomach. You feel it getting bigger and bigger, stretching your gut beyond comfort. It feels just like last night—with your insides heating up like a furnace. You bring your knees up to your forehead, squeezing yourself tight into a ball. Emmett: "Are you ok?" You feel dizzy and nauseous. You wish you would just throw it all up—it would be better than feeling like this. Like your stomach might explode. Emmett: "Hey..." You: "I feel so full, it hurts." Emmett rubs your back, and asks if it would feel better to lie down. You say that you would, and that you think you just ate too much. The two of you walk into your room and lie down together. You fall asleep.

Anche se mi sono sentita morire di nuovo, sono riuscita a mangiare qualcosina.. quindi mi sento stranamente felice…

IMMAGINI

Which will you eat?

Patatine Mela Uva Formaggio Zuppa Banana

Your grandfather, Nanoo, always had a healthy appetite. He would inhale your Nana's dinners without pause, and would always ask for more. He loved to eat. He loved you and wanted you to grow up healthy and strong. He taught you how to spell your first word—milk. He made you spell it out loud: M-I-L-K. Then, he would take out a fountain pen, and you would write it clumsily onto his yellow notepad. He said that you needed to drink a lot of it—it would help you grow. At night, he would sit you down with a bowl of pasta and meatballs and he'd tell you "Mangia, Nina! Mangia!" He told you that it meant "Eat up!" He's not around anymore, but you'll never forget the oak table and the cupboard of antique china. His olive skin and black hair, and his low voice telling you to eat up. To live and eat and grow. ...

Ripensare a cosa significa mangiare e cosa voleva mia nonno per me mi mette un senso di malinconia…

The end.

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