#help. it’ll probably be november or january by the time we find out lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lcec0ldheart · 1 month

Text

Time to introduce my OCs‼️

Oh boy! Here we are!

Since I’m beginning to use tumblr, I can now finally introduce my trio of disasters! I’ve been waiting a while to start talking about them, and I think putting them here is better than info dumping on my private account lol. With that out of the way, let’s go!

VIOLET STARIUS⭐️🌙

(Funfact: She’s the newest of my ocs, being first made only a month or two ago! Loosely inspired by Liko, but she’s changed quite a lot since then!)

The first, and youngest of the trio! Violet is 14 years old, her birthday being January 31st. She’s a curious, intelligent, somewhat shy gal. Kind, empathetic, caring, and wants to help others. She loves space -and in the pokémon version of her- pokémon as well. You’ll find her reading, drawing something, or playing her violin, and while she’s a bit nervous, she’s open to try new things to learn them, as she wants to learn what does the world around her hold! Though, Violet’s a bit forgetful, clumsy, and gets lost easily…She’s also a bit of a people pleaser, and is terrible at lying. The heart of the group, as she’s why the three have managed to form a strong friendship.

Violet has the ability to use telekenesis, via focusing energy using her hand onto objects (or people!) to move them around, to wherever she wants them to go. She can also see in the dark, hear very well, and her eyes glow in the dark for some reason…While she doesn’t like to fight, she’s good at dodging and using the oppenent’s movements against them.

FROST AURORA❄️🏹

(Second image is a shitpost. Funfact, he’s the first oc I made that’s listed here, being first thought up in november 2023!)

The second of the trio! Frost is 15 years old, his birthday is December 25th! He’s a more reserved/aloof guy. He’s also quite smart, especially in terms of tactics and fights! Frost is swift, chilling, and tenacious! Sassy, and he can get angry or spiteful. Despite this, he’s pretty considerate, and stands up for what he believes is right. Frost is somewhat stubborn, antisocial, but he wants to do the right thing. You’ll find him practicing the gutiar, drawing, or thinking. He wants to find his purpose and be strong for those he cares for -even if it means taking drastic measures.

Frost has the power to cool the temperature of stuff to the point it’ll freeze, being able to create ice and snow out of the water droplets in the air. He can manipulate ice too, and he’s skilled with a bow and arrow! He usually goes in for a fast attack, then getting out of the opponent's range until they’ve been defeated, though he knows how to put up a fight in close quarters as well.

CITRINE GOLDENHEART🗡️💛

(I still need to actually draw her, but this will have to do for now. Fun fact, the first concept of her was “what if this cartoon character was in pokémon”)

The last, and the oldest of the three! Citrine is 16 years old, and her birthday is on April 13th! An adventurous, hot-headed, brave and passionate girl. She can be impulsive and sometimes fails to consider the consequences of others, but she means well! Outgoing, reckless, and tackles things head on! She’s the most athletic of the three, being physically strong with good stamina. Citrine’s also very persistent, and will literally refuse to give up. Ever. It’s both one of her greatest strengths and flaws. She likes to play the drums, or go for a run, and…write? I know, surprising, but she loves creating stories, to tell during her journey or inspired by her adventures!

Citrine is real good with a sword, she was very excited when she found one! Turns out she likes stabbing and slashing whatever stands in her way! She’s best in close combat, using her sword to deliver strong attacks to deal a lot of damage! She tends to get hit, but being so perseverant and stubborn allows her to keep fighting until her opponent falls.

I hope that wasn’t too boring to read, but now I’ve introduced my main OCs! I’ll probably ramble about them on here, if you don’t like that sorry lol, this is my blog im the one writing about these idiots at 10 pm

Joking, though it is actually late! Thank you for reading all the way through, and I hope you have a lovely day! Bye byeee

#OC #my ocs #The disaster trio #Thats what im naming them btw bc they’re all complete disasters in their own unique way <3 #yuh #Violet Starius #Frost Aurora #Citrine Goldenheart #I came up with Citrine and Frost’s (kinda) last name on the spot lol #I think they work well enough though #I would love to get asks about my characters!

3 notes · View notes

purplesurveys · 4 years

Text

652

We’ll do the last people I messaged, like before.

Friend One What is their name and are they a boy or a girl? JM. He’s a guy. How old are they and what month is their birthday? He is 22, but he blows his candles every July 6th. Does this person have a Facebook account? Yes he does. In this country, 98% of the time you kinda need to have a Facebook account, because work-related stuff is mostly conducted there (if you’re in school) and it’s a way to stay connected to family and friends. When was the last time you saw this person? Yesterday. He’s my classmate in my last class for the week, which is on Friday afternoons. Do you find this person attractive? Objectively yes, but I don’t have a huge crush on him lmao.

Have you ever lived in the same house as this person? Nope. Where does this person work? We’re currently just students, so no job yet. And as far as I know he plans on taking law so assuming he passes, he won’t be working for another four years. Friend Two What is their name and are they a boy or a girl? Gabie, she’s a girl and a very pretty one at that. How old are they and what month is their birthday? 21, June 5th. Have you ever been to their house? Yeah, plenty of times. I’d be concerned if I wasn’t allowed to visit them lol. Are you friends with any of their other friends? I’m civil with her two best friends but I don’t really mix well with her other blockmates. Where did you meet them? I went to school with her for 14 years. What are their siblings’ names? Don’t really feel like sharing that here. Have you ever cooked a meal with this person? Technically yeah. We had to run a small restaurant once for a final project in home economics, so we had to make hundreds of burgers and chicken strips hahaha. But other than that, the only thing we’ve made for ourselves is instant noodles, because we’re equally bad in the kitchen :/ Friend Three What is their name and are they a boy or a girl? Andrew, boy. How old are they and what month is their birthday? I know he’s also 21 but I have no clue when his birthday is, which I should be partly ashamed of because he’s really into astronomy and always tells me about his star sign, which I’ve also forgotten about lmao. Have you ever hugged them? A few times. He’s not really someone I’d approach to hug. Do you know what their favourite candy is? LMAOOO we also talked about this with JM literally just a few days ago but I forgot already. I’m awful. But I guess it also kinda has to do with the fact that he’s incredibly talkative and some things he says just go into my ear and exit the other. Have you ever had a crush on this person? I’ve never had a crush on him. Do you know their parents? His mom knows of me, but I’ve never met her. He’s not close to his dad, so I don’t care whether I know him or not. Do they have a boyfriend/girlfriend or other significant other? Yeah, in a surprising turn of events he’s seeing my seatmate/good friend from high school, Leigh. Friend Four What is their name and are they a boy or a girl? Angela, and she’s a girl. How old are they and what month is their birthday? She’s 21 and has her birthday on September 15th. Are you related to this person? Mmm nope. But I do know she and Chelsea, another friend of mine and who was in my high school circle, are distant cousins. Does this person have an Instagram account? She does. I think I’m the only person in all my circles with no instagram. Do you know the rest of their friends? I know most of her friends, but tbh she’s super sociable so there may be friends that I haven’t heard of or met. What are their parents’ names? Alain and Girlie. When was the last time you spoke to this person on the phone? A few months ago when she called me up crying because her boyfriend was being a jerk. Friend Five What is their name and are they a boy or a girl? Sophie, girl. She is also my girlfriend’s sister so that 1/2 answers the question on the section on Friend Two, lmao. How old are they and what month is their birthday? She just turned 15. If I’m not mistaken, November 14? Something along that week, anyway. Do you know what their favourite colour is? I have no clue but knowing her aesthetic, she’d probably go with a pastel shade. Have you ever been swimming with this person? Neverrrrr. I remember planning it once at their village’s clubhouse, but it never happened because I just never brought any swimsuits whenever I go visit haha. Do you live in the same town/city as this person? You can say that. But our city’s divided into upper and lower parts, and we’re on either side so it’s still a bit of a drive to get to their place. Would you answer the phone if this person called right now? I’d be surprised, but I’d take the call. Does this person live with their parents? Yes. Friend Six What is their name and are they a boy or a girl? Tina, also a girl. How old are they and what month is their birthday? It’ll always shock me that she’s a year older – aka she’s 22. She feels like such a 1998 baby, if that even makes sense lol. Her birthday is September 11. Have you ever gone out for coffee with this person? We’ve bought coffee for takeout, but I’ve never sat down at a coffee shop with her. Does this person take selfies? If she does it’s only meme-ish in nature, or selfies with her dogs. Would this person come pick you up in the middle of the night? No and she wouldn’t be the first person I’d call because she lives too far from me and I don’t want to burden her too much. What does this person usually wear on a day-to-day basis? Growing up in Abu Dhabi where it’s warm/super warm all-year round, she can’t go anywhere without a thick jacket or sweater as she’s constantly cold. Have you ever shared a bed with them? I don’t think I have. Friend Seven What is their name and are they a boy or a girl? Hannah, girl. Because most of my friends are girls. How old are they and what month is their birthday? She just turned 20! January 16. What do their parents do for a living? I have no clue. It’s never really been brought up in conversation, so I haven’t thought to ask and she hasn’t thought to tell. Have you ever gone to the cinema with this person? Nah and I think we have very different tastes so we wouldn’t be able to agree on what to watch anyway. Are they older than you? No, she’s much younger than me lmaoooo. What is their middle name? Her second name is Millenne, pronounced mell-EEN/mill-EEN. Since she’s a January 2000 baby, she was named after the word ‘millennium.’ Does this person go to school or college? Yeah, we’re coursemates in UP and equally hate journalism jfkhkdjhgg. Friend Eight What is their name and are they a boy or a girl? Gab, guy. We’re not that close anymore but he recently caught up with me because he wanted to lend me his WWE Network account, which is super sweet of him. How old are they and what month is their birthday? If I’m not mistaken he was born 1998. But my second guess is that he was born 1997. Either way, his birthday falls on May 11. Do you have any inside jokes with this person? We have some inside wrestling jokes here and there. When was the last time you messaged this person? Thursday. I realize I never replied to him :( so I’ll have to get on that soon haha. How long have you known this person? We applied for our org at the same period, and that was two and a half years ago. What was the last thing you did to help this person out? Keep him company when no one was talking to him during the Christmas party. Have you ever said “I love you” to this person? Maybe when Nacho died. But it’s definitely not something I’d tell him all the time. Friend Nine What is their name and are they a boy or a girl? Her first name is technically Denise, but I don’t know anyone who still calls her that. We all know her as Mils, from her surname. How old are they and what month is their birthday? She’s also 22 and while I don’t memorize her birthday, I do know she’s a Scorpio. When was the last time you hung out with this person? It’s been...a while. We’re pretty close, but we’re from different circles and we never hang out. I think it’s as far back as 2016, when she invited me to her and Leigh’s birthday thing and they treated us to a screening of Doctor Strange. Have you ever set this person up on a date with someone else you know? Nope. Again, not that close. Does this person have any pets? Yes, her family has a dog. How far away is their house from yours? It’s pretty close, but she lives in the heart of Cainta whereas I live on the very border of it, and I never go to that area. Would this person help you if you asked for it? It depends. She’s a hit or miss. Friend Ten What is their name and are they a boy or a girl? Blanch! Also a girl. How old are they and what month is their birthday? She’s 20 turning 21, but not until September 8th. Have you ever stayed the night at their house? Nope. I’ve never been to her place and I don’t think I’ll ever get to, because she lives allllllll the way in Las Piñas. When was the last time you spoke to this person? Friday. We’re classmates in a history elective. Do you knock on their front door, or just walk right in? I’ve never been to her place. Have you ever ignored a phone call from this person? We’re not close enough to just call one another, plus I don’t think she likes talking on the phone anyway. Have you ever kissed this person? No. Friend Eleven What is their name and are they a boy or a girl? Apple! Still a girl. How old are they and what month is their birthday? Like Gab, I’m not sure if she was born 1997/1998, but her birthday’s May 4. Have you ever gone to dinner with this person? Yes, but along with a bunch of people. She shocked all of us when she quietly downed an entire bowl of ramen in like five minutes, which is why her nickname on our org’s groupchat to this day is still “Ramen Nagi Queen” hahaha. Do you know what their hobbies and interests are? She’s down for anything, but she particularly likes stuff that forces you to be active, like hiking. Does this person go to the gym regularly? It’s possible, considering she’s into sportsy stuff. I’m not 100% sure. But one thing I do know for sure is that her resolution this year is to cut back on rice. Have you ever been to a party with this person? Not yet but she seems like such an awesome person to party with, given that she’s in a sorority lol. Have you ever secretly checked this person out? I have not.

#survey #surveys

2 notes · View notes

androgynouspersonpeachathle-blog · 5 years

Text

Yo kids don’t send nudes if y’all are under 18 because it’ll fuck your life up. Trust me and I’ll tell you a story.

I’m 14 and I have a girlfriend the same age. We are in year 9 in Australia, going to a regular shit public high school. We’ve been together for a few months and we get frisky one night on Facebook. We share nudes and some videos, typical couple shit. No big deal, so we thought. 15th birthday a month later, parents made me go to school. At school in math class and office runner knocks on the door and says my name. I’m asked to go see the principal. I think to myself it’s probably because I’ve been skipping so many days because I hated school.

I get down to the principal and the cop that’s been doing talks all week is there as well. I’m nervous but still think it’s no big deal. Then my girlfriend walks in and I think ‘hold up, why is she here she doesn’t skip school’ when she sits down they get straight to the point and ask us about our nudes. We both freak out and tell them we won’t do it again bla bla bla. They make us delete our facebooks because the cop said even if you delete it someone could get it back If they hacked us.

The principal found out because my girlfriend used her school email for Facebook. Big dummy. We got suspended for a month as well so that was fun. My parents weren’t happy but they weren’t angry. Her parents weren’t happy with me because their darling daughter could do no wrong. We were the big scandal of the school for 2 days before 7th grader had sex for a cheese burger. Lol should’ve gone for a dinner box

2 months later I get a knock on the door from the cops. I’m being arrested and I get charged with possession of mine and her nudes. Distribution of my nudes. Using a carriage service (Facebook) and others. The legal term is child abuse material. That covers everything from what we did all the way to actual child abuse.

They let me out on bail that day and I have to go to court. Parents are not happy about me going to court at all. So they take away all electronics. Except an old shit Nokia phone. I’m living with dad and my younger, severely autistic brother. Because of mum being an addict when I was younger but now mum is clean. Yayyyy. From the age of 15 till the day I turn 18 I go to court to await my actual punishment. Every 2 weeks on a tuesday I go to children’s court. Since I live in a shit area I expect to see people I know from school at court but surprisingly none. Every court date I am riddled with anxiety even when I know it’ll just get adjourned for a later date. I drop out of school in year 11 because of the stress of court mixed with senior year assignments and projects, not a good mix. I break up with my girlfriend because depression and the fact that I blamed her and she blamed me and a huge fight ensured and her dad got a new job on the other side of the country so they packed up and moved.

My brother starts to get violent as well for some reason. Leaving scars in both mine and dads arms from when he scratched us. We get him on medication which helps at least.

Final day of court. I’m 18, it’s my birthday today, the judge is the same one I’ve had the entire time. She’s sick of the prosecution ajourning it and told them if they did it one more time she would throw the case out. Some Legal talk, I’m found guilty. My punishment, I’m put on the child protection register, basically making me a sex offender, I’ve gotta go to counselling and see juvenile justice. Turns out they’ll see me till I’m 21. They’re cool. I only have to see them for a year. Easy enough. Counselling, year and a half, easy. The register, 7 years. Difficult but I can manage. Gotta report all social media, trips out of state, devices that can have social media, shit like that to cops within 2 weeks. Whatever.

It’s all going great. Until I’m 20. I have to report once a year. In June. In September when I’m still 18 dad gets diagnosed with dementia. He’s 61. Mum moves back in to help when it gets too rough and he gets moved into a nursing home 6 months later because we can’t continue this. Fast forward to 20 years old in June. Dads health is on a rollacoaster. One day he’s okay the next he’s on deaths door. This goes on for months. This stressed mum out big time and made her upset. In turn making me upset. And making me forget about reporting.

July 4th a Thursday. I get a call at 8:30 am asking me to come in to the cop shop because I’ve breached my condition of not reporting. Well shit. I get there 9 am with mum and lawyer. We talk for half an hour and I tell them why I didn’t contact them. They arrest me. And I’m kept in the holding cells till the next day for court. I am scared shitless. No sleep. Friday rolls around. My court time is 11 am. God damnit. Judge seems nice. Bail refused and I am sent to jail until the 23rd of July. Which is on a Monday. Holy shit I’m going to jail what the fuck. I finally had a job. I was doing an animal studies class. Life was okay. Sent to jail. Didn’t get there till 6pm. Didn’t get processed and into a cell till midnight. Day 2 of no sleep.

First day. I had a cell mate. He decided to slash his wrists because he owed someone nicotine lozenges. Which is what replaced ciggerates. Was starving but now I’m not. I’m currently in processing and won’t be in the main wings till I see welfare Monday. After the guards take him away I cry for god knows how long.

I’m In protection because I’m classed as a sex offender. That Saturday night no sleep again because next door decided to do a Jeffery Epstein. Except this was an actual suicide. Nurse came around for pills and guards were doing head checks. Guard yells out shit he’s hung himself. They try cpr for god knows how long. Sunday. I get a new cell mate. He’s cool. Monday I see welfare then get transferred to a new wing. my new cell mate is okay I’m with him for week. Until he fights someone then when they want to move him to another wing he decides to destroy the cell and flood it. I then get moved to a four out. Four people to a cell. It ain’t bad if you’re with the right people but unfortunately I’m with the wrong people.

I’m with fat fuck and 2 others but those 2 guys get moved a couple days later so it’s me and fat fuck until a week before my court date. He’s fine at first. Quiet then he starts asking questions about why I’m here. I’ve come up with selling weed. Up until then no one questions my story. Asks how much I sold, made, where I sell. But him he asks everything. I mustve fucked up because he picked it apart and caught my lie. He threatens me to tell the truth and so I tell him. Proceeds to make my life hell. Nickname is cradle snatcher. Proceeds to beat me, not severly but enough that it hurts. Then the night before we get new cell mates is the second worst thing to happen. He rapes me. Anally and orally. Threatened me immensely. Didn’t tell anyone. Then the other guys move in. They proceed to torture me, beat me. At least the rape was a one time thing. Now you may ask how is being raped number 2 shouldn’t it be 1. Oh it was. Till I went to have a shower and fat fuck decide to boil water. On activity lists you can get a jug. Dunno why because it’s dangerous. Anyway he boiled water then opened the curtain and threw it at me. Hitting my inner thigh and cock. My thigh got burned and skin peeled. It’s fine now. My cock though. Skin peeled and burned. There’s forever a splotch on my cock. You’d think I would tell the guards. Haha nope. Threatened again. I believed he would find a way no matter what. Didn’t tell the guards. They didn’t notice or care when I was stripped search after visits. That happened on the 23rd. Court was ajourned till September. Lucky for me I got moved to a new cell because while I was gone for court they kicked me out to get some junkie in with them. Couple extra nice people later I get moved in august to a new wing. This one I’m out of my cell from 8 till 3. Before I was loved in for 22 hours a day. Everyone knew what happened to me because of fat fuck running his mouth because he got moved with me. They asked for my side and could see I was truthful so no problems there. They actually were genuinely nice and understanding. Fat fuck got stabbed a week before my next court because he tried being shifty on a drug deal. I laughed hard. Court gets adjourned till November.

I’m moved to a different jail. Smaller and better. At the big jail I stayed in my cell all the time because I was terrified. New jail I was always out and it was good. I was as happy as you can be in jail. Here no one asked why I was in. They just did their time and I did mine. Court gets ajourned again. Till January. Dad passes away a week after my November court and they don’t even let me go to the funeral the cunts. Fast forward to February this year because guess who’s date go pushed back. 2 push backs till the 28th. And I get out. Fucking finally. Now I have to deal with an open criminal record because before jail. There was no conviction recorded. But now there is. I’m also on the register for life now so fucking fantastic news. But the good thing is I can try to appeal. So I’ll be a good boy for a couple years and then appeal.

Sorry this went on so long. Felt like sharing this. Just remember kids. Please don’t share nudes. It ain’t worth the risk. Wait till your 18. And even then I wouldn’t do it.

2 notes · View notes

makingbabyk · 4 years

Text

November 26 2019

Today has been a day. The way it was scheduled was supposed to be thus: Work until 1pm, get to the clinic by 1:30pm in order to sign in for my tube test, then my counselling session was scheduled for 4:30pm, which was supposed to be that late since I was told I might not get out of the tube test until 3:30 or 4pm.

The tube test’s start at 2pm and are first come, first served. When I got there I was number 3 on the list, so I settled in and prepared to wait an hour. I was surprised to be called back just 20 minutes later, where I learned the Doc doing the test that day had had a cancellation and was going to start early, plus the two people ahead of me on the list weren’t in the clinic for some reason, so I got to go first.

The test was AWFUL. They put a catheter up to my cervix, inject a dye and insert a trans-vaginal ultrasound and take a look to see if the fallopian tubes are blocked or not. Pressure against the cervix hurts like a mofo, so the catheter was awful, and they had to inject dye a few different times which I could feel every time. They could see my left tube fine, it was completely clear. But the right tube they couldn’t really see, apparently it was hiding behind some part of my large intestine or something. Though they did say I had a really nice follicle maturing on the right side.

After the test I got dressed and went to reception to find out where I had to go for my counselling session, and since it wasn’t even 2:30 at that point, I asked if they could check and see if the counsellor could get me in earlier. Thankfully Jan, the counsellor, was free right then so I only had to go down a floor and wait a few minutes before getting in to see her.

I was very nervous about that session, but she was lovely. I told her why I was going through this process, and we talked about my support network, what’s been going on in my life the last few years, the donor selection process. Everything. She seemed really happy with my answers and said she felt I was very well prepared for this process. She also encouraged me to attend a support group she runs for single folks having kids on their own. It meets the 4th Thursday of each month, so I’m going to try and go this week. It’ll be a good networking opportunity, and, according to Jan, it’s a great resource of like minded people. Apparently, they're a pretty close group and they even have a holiday social in January and a big party in August. I’m looking forward to checking it out.

So now I’ve just got to wait until my follow up on December 4, where Dr Dv and I will go over the next steps and decide when to start.

More to come….

December 5, 2019

So I went to the support group last week and it was wonderful. Everyone had something to say and a story to share. Lots of questions were asked and we were all able to give our perspectives, it was really great.

I have my follow up with Dr Dv yesterday and it went great. I got there about 10 minutes early and ended up waiting a bit for her, but just before she came and got me the counsellor, Jan, was walking through the clinic and stopped to chat with me.

Then Dr. Dv came and we went back to her office to go over everything.

All of my results came back good. My AMH, which measures ovarian reserve, came back about mid range, which is good because being too high can mean you have PCOS (poly-cycstic Ovarian syndrome). My CBC was a bit wonky, which she thought might mean I didn’t drink enough water so we redid that test. And everything else was normal or at least expected based on my past physicals.

Then we went over my options and decided on a game plan. Basically we’re going with a medicated IUI. I’ll be taking Letrozole for 5 days during my cycle to encourage two follicles to mature, instead of the usual one. That will double my chances of one fertilizing. It also increases your chances of multiples, but, as she said, that change goes up to 7-15%, however in her time she hasn’t seen it in 5% of cases, so she’s not overly concerned. The goal is to for me to get pregnant within 3 cycles.

The other options were no drugs with IUI, which would mean less chance of pregnancy each cycle, and we’d probably try 6 cycles before re-evaluating. Or we could go straight to IVF, which she thought was extreme given my age. If I was closer to or over 40 she might recommend it, but she didn’t think it would be necessary.

The plan is to skip my next cycle, since that would probably put insemination right over Christmas, and start in January. Based on my calculations, but January cycle with start January 3 or 4 and then the schedule will be:

Day 2 or 3: go in for cycle monitoring. This will be bloodwork and ultrasound. Dr Dv will review the results that day and call me to tell me when I have to come in next and when to start taking Letrozole.

Days 5-10: I need to go in to get the tube test done again. She wants to be able to see the tube they couldn’t see last time (my left one I think), she can’t do the insemination if the tube is blocked and that’s the side the egg will be released from that month. During this time I’ll probably have to go in every few days for cycle monitoring to see how things are progressing.

Day11+: Insemination sometime after day 10. I’ll continue to go in for cycle monitoring and when Dr Dv see the eggs are getting ready to release in the next day or two, she’ll call me and tell me when to come in for insemination.

After insemination there’s the dreaded two week wait before pregnancy testing (I believe that’s blood and another ultrasound) and I get to see if it worked. If it didn’t then we start all over again the next cycle.

It’s kinda crazy that this is going to happen so soon, yet January also feels so far away lol. I definitely don’t want to get started any sooner, but I’m glad it’s happening at the beginning of the month.

More to come….

December 7, 2019

I’ve been trying to put into words how I’m feeling, but the words aren’t coming. So to put it plainly…

I’m feeling anxious and maudlin, maybe because I’m sleep deprived

A lot of my high school friends who have kids that are already in school are posting about christmas and it’s making me ache for a baby

I’m terrified that I’m making a mistake doing this alone

I’m worried because it feels like this is happening to easily for me, and I honestly think it should be harder. But I also don’t want to borrow trouble so I’m trying to ignore that feeling, but it wasn’t helping.

I’m debating going back to Jan, the counsellor, for another session. But I can’t seem to articulate my thoughts to myself, so I’m not confident in my ability to make sense to her.

On top of this I’m moving February 1 and the movers are going to run me about $600+, which is about 50% more than I paid last time. So that’s going to cut into my cash flow for cycles, but I guess that’s what credit cards and overtime is for. I’m going to work as much overtime the next two weeks as I can get away with, so I can bank as much cash as possible. It’s a bit of a mess, but I’m done my christmas shopping, so I should be able to control my expenses over the next couple of months much better. I mean, how much do I really need to eat? I’m joking, well I’m serious in that if I cut out junk food (aka take out) I’ll save myself a boatload of money. I’ve also got a freezer full of stuff I should eat before moving, and it’s much healthier than what I usually eat for lunch.

I’m rambling, so I’m gonna log out now.

More to come….

January 7, 2020

Christmas and New Years have come and gone. It was a busy holiday season on top of a busy period at work. But I was able to crank out some decent overtime, which will pay for my movers at the end of the month, and also pay off some credit card bills to make some room for the fertility bills

My period is due to start today, which means day 2 or 3 is coming soon, and with that comes my first cycle monitoring appointment. I’m excited and terrified still, but it honestly doesn’t seem real some days.

My move is happening at the end of this month, and my promotion, which I’ve been waiting for since October, should come through this month as well. But I’m not really holding my breath on that one. It’ll happen when it happens.

I’m trying to be a realist and remember that the likelihood of insemination working on the first try is slim to non existent, but I’m hopeful it’ll work within three.

Not much else to report I guess

More to come…

January 8, 2020

My period finally started today. It was due yesterday, but it’s been at least a day or two early the last three months, so I was expecting it earlier. But of course that means it would come late.

Regardless, it’s here now and that means cycle monitoring starts. First visit is Friday.

More to come…

January 9, 2020

I go for my first cycle monitoring appointment tomorrow. I’m fucking terrified.

What if I got the days wrong?

What if the cycle doesn’t start until my period is done?

What if I forget to sign up on one of the clip-boards?

What if they see something weird on the ultrasound and refuse to inseminate me?

What if.

What if..

What if...

I’m a fucking mess.

More to come…

January 10, 2020 (7:05 am)

Cycle monitoring today. Got here at 6:30am and the door was locked. Another woman showed up and we waited outside for a few minutes for one of the techs who was able to let us in. Then it was a wait until 7am when the office doors were opened.

Had to sign up on ultrasound, Dr Dv and blood work clipboards (I didn’t screw it up!) and then take a seat. I was first in line so I’m number one for ultrasound, two for the Dr Dv (she’s going to call me anyway) and three for bloodwork.

Now to wait.

(7:45am)

I was done inside 30 minutes. Told work I was going to be an hour later. Instead I’m 15 minutes early. Needless to say I’m giggling at my desk over the absurdity of it all.

Dr Dv will give me a call later this morning to let me know when to come in next and if I should start my meds yet.

I also booked my 2nd tube test for January 14, which will be a bucket of fun I’m sure.

I did meet a couple of nice ladies in the line outside the office, one was a first timer like me, and the other is on her 2nd cycle. It felt good to recognize a couple of faces as I moved through the office.

(9:10am)

Oh, and I turned my ankle on a pothole in the middle of an intersection on my way to the clinic this morning, so my right ankle is screaming, my left wrist (from catching myself as I went down) aches and my left knee was scraped. And the system at work is down. Hopefully It’ll come back before the end of the day, we’re supposed to do OT tomorrow (Saturday).

It’s been a day folks.

(10:20am)

Of course the doc called while I was in my daily meeting.

Blood work was good. I’m going to start the meds today, I need to take them for 5 days. And I go back for the next cycle monitoring on Day 11, which is Saturday Jan 18. I’ll see Dr Dv that day and IUI should be within a few days of that. Got to try and remember to ask if I can pay admin fees early and what the process looks like on the IUI day.

(4:05pm)

They system never came back up and OT for tomorrow is cancelled. Monday is gonna be an adventure for sure.

More to come…

January 11, 2020

So I haven't really updated about the rest of my life here.

I move at the end of the month, currently the movers are booked for January 31, but I’m hoping to get that changed to January 29, the mover cost will go down by $30 an hour if I can get it 2 days earlier. I’m going to the co-op this coming wednesday so I can take some measurements for windows, I also want to take some pictures and get an idea on where the best place to park the moving truck is. I’m hoping the building has a service elevator and I won’t just have to use the main elevators. But I’m not counting on it.

I’ve also been working on getting a promotion at work. It was supposed to come through in October but it didn’t. My manager just told me he was working on it.

Well on New Years Eve I had a short conversation with him about leaving early, everyone else on the team had been bugging him about leaving 30 minutes early, at 4pm, but since 4pm is my regular end time i didn’t say anything. Until we got to 3:45pm and all my work was done, plus there was only a few end of day transactions left, so I asked if I could leave then and he told me I should stay and help my teammates finish their work. Needless to say I felt like he was saying I wasn’t a team player, and that really angered me. I ended up leaving at exactly 4pm without saying anything to anyone and it took a few days for me to calm down and not be so upset by it. After spending a couple of days thinking about it, I realized most of my anger was about my frustration over this promotion. So I went in and talked to him about it. I made sure to be clear that I was upset by the conversation we’d had, and he was very understanding. He appreciated me coming to him and apologized for what was mainly him not being clear and not really thinking about what I was asking for as a person, he was mostly focussed on the team as a whole.

Then I explained my frustration over the promotion, and how it was mostly rooted in the fact that I didn’t know WHY it wasn’t happening. He explained that it was his and our directors fault, they were not being as quick as they should be in getting the new job description for my role completed. It’s annoying and very frustrating, but at least I know why, and it should be completely this month. Who knows, maybe I’ll get lucky and they’ll backdate it, though I’m not holding my breath.

Over all it’s been an interesting start to the year and the rest of 2020 is probably going to be just as fun.

More to come….

January 13, 2020

So this entry might not stay in, but I feel the need to get some stuff off my chest.

Let me start by saying that I understand that I made the decision to take this journey on my own. I am fully aware that I don’t have anyone else going to appointments with me, or anyone holding my hand when I have procedures done.

But nonetheless I’m disappointed. When I’ve spoken about this taking this journey with other people, I’ve gotten a lot of excited and happy responses. Everyone has been thrilled for me, and seemed really impressed that I’m going for this on my own. But once the journey actually started… things changed.

Either the people who said they wanted to be there aren’t, or they don’t seem at all interested in the process. I feel like I’m doing a lot of talking, providing a lot of information, that no one is asking for. I’ve made no secret of when my doctors appointments are, but I never get “hey, how’d it go?” from the people who, previously, were the most excited about it.

So I’ve made the choice to stop talking about it, unless you ask. I’m starting to feel selfish and like I’m giving you too much information that you don’t want, and that’s not fair to you, or a good feeling for me.

Instead I’ll focus on chronicling my journey here, and sharing with my support group. And if people want to know, or come to me with “why haven’t I gotten an update?” I’ll tell them.

But I can’t be the one who starts every conversation. I can’t be the one always doing the reaching out.

I’m going to start being selfish in a different way, I’m going to start taking care of myself. If you want to know, ask. And if you don’t, well, don’t worry, I won’t bother you with my issues from now on.

More to come…

January 14, 2020

Today was my second tube test. To say I wasn’t looking forward to it is an understatement but I needed to get it done since one tube was blocked from view last time. The Dr Dv won’t do IUI if she sees the egg is about to release on the side that they couldn’t get a view of. And they won’t know which side it is until IUI day so I’d end up wasting over $1000 if they couldn’t get a clear view.

So I got off work at 1pm and headed to the clinic. I was signed in (number 1 on the list) at 1:20pm and settled in for what I’d hoped would only be a 40 minute wait.

Needless to say, when it hit 2:40 and I was still waiting, I was less than impressed.

The nurse called me around 2:50 and told me I needed to pee in a cup so they could confirm I wasn’t pregnant. Then she took me to the room where I got undressed. And then proceeded to wait another 30 minutes. Twice someone came in and told me the Dr was delayed, the second time I was less than polite in my reply.

Dr L came in about 3:20. He was nice enough, for someone who didn’t feel the need to even introduce himself. But he told me everything he was doing before he did it, told I was doing really well, and was done in under 5 minutes. So I’ve forgiven him for making me wait so fucking long.

Anyway, both tubes are clear!

On Saturday I’ll go in for another cycle monitoring appointment and see Dr Dv that day. She’ll have a better idea of when IUI day will be at that point.

Holy crap I could be getting inseminated this time next week. That’s crazy.

Now it’s home to do a bit of packing and go to bed early.

More to come….

January 18, 2020 (7:50am)

Cycle monitoring again today. Getting up at 6am on a Saturday to get blood drawn and an ultrasound up my vagina is not a fun way to start the weekend.

Doesn’t help that my stomach is unimpressed with me. Not sure if that’s nerves or what. I’m feeling a bit bloated and cramps, which is weird for this point in my cycle. It could be I’m hyper aware of my body because of this process, or maybe it’s the drugs. Or maybe it all in my head. Who knows.

(10:45am)

Just got home from the appointment. Dr Dv says I have two nice looking follicles. One at 17mm one at 19mm. She wants to give the 17mm one another day to grow so I have to go back tomorrow.

So it’s another trip downtown tomorrow to check on that, and if I haven’t surged they’re going to give me a trigger shot to ensure I ovulate in the following 36 hours. Then Monday I’ll go in for another ultrasound and bloodwork followed by the IUI.

I’m fucking terrified.

(10:20pm)

I’m getting ready for bed and all the sudden I’m feeling very melancholy. I assume it’s the medication making me emotional, but honestly…. I’m having some doubt. I’m all alone. And even though I know I have people I could call if I need help, I’m unreasonably upset that I need to ask for it.

I fully admit that this is my problem, and not anyone else’s. But that doesn’t stop me from wishing someone would call and ask how things are going. Offer to help. Or even just want to hang out.

I guess I’ve always been a loner, and if there isn’t an event of some kind, I’m not really the person people call just to chill. I don't really know why. And maybe I’m too old to change.

Going to head to bed and hope tomorrow morning has me feeling better about everything.

Another 6am day for cycle monitoring.

More to come…

January 19, 2020 (7:38am)

Another day. Another cycle monitoring.

Not feeling much better this morning. But all I can do is power through. I know I’m making the right choices for me, so a little doubt isn’t going to stop the journey now.

January 20, 2020 (7:25am)

I wasn’t really in the mood to update yesterday. It took most of the day for me to shake the funk I’d gotten into.

My bloodwork and ultrasound were good. Then I waited for quite awhile to see a Dr. Dr Dv wasn’t in yesterday so I ended up seeing Dr B. He was very nice and took the time to explain what would happen next, which I appreciated considering how insane the clinic was yesterday morning.

He confirmed IUI for today, and said I needed the trigger shot.

So after talking to him I went and waited for a few more minutes for the nurse who took me back for the shot and then explained the IUI-day process even more.

She then took me to reception to pay for the trigger shot ($108) and the IUI admin fee ($495) before I was free to go.

I decided to take today as a personal day since I’m not sure what the day is going to be like and I’m not feeling 100%, mentally, still.

I got here at 6:30 this morning and waited, as always, for the clinic to open. At 7am I signed in for ultrasound, blood and to see Dr Dv. Since I was so high on the lists I decided to wait until after they were done to head to andrology to sign and have my donor sperm thawed and prepped.

Blood and ultrasound went fine and the signing was quick. So now I’m waiting for the Dr to call me back. I’m not sure if I’m meeting her before I go back to be inseminated or not.

But I do know I’ve got an hour before anything happens. Thankfully they’ve got wifi and I brought a book.

(8:38am)

It’s been just over an hour and now I’m getting nervous again.

I really don’t want to do this alone. But I’ll power through.

(9:49am)

I’m lying here for the ten minute wait. The insemination went well and after this I just have to get my suppositories from the nurse and go home.

Facebook just told me it’s apparently blue Monday, the most depressing day of the year. Not gonna lie, I kinda like that this was my insemination date.

(11:45am)

It honestly doesn’t feel real. I’ll be using progesterone suppositories until February 2, when I go in for a pregnancy test.

The dreaded two week wait.

Thankfully I’ll be busy with packing, moving and unpacking which should hopefully keep me distracted enough to not obsess over it all.

We’ll see.

More to come….

January 21, 2020

So the last couple of days have been a bit of a train wreck for me, emotionally. I’ve just been feeling very down, and having some doubts about pretty much everything. I also didn’t get nearly as much packing done as I wanted to this weekend.

But yesterday a friend reached out and asked me how the day went. It helped me remember that there are some people who care about what I’m going through right now.

Okay, that’s not fair. I know all of my friends and family care, but I can tell they don’t know how to handle this process, so they’ve pretty much decided to stay hands off. Which is their choice. It’s just a bit isolating.

Anyway, I texted with K for a bit and went to bed feeling less alone that I had during the day.

Got up this morning and it’s back into the work routine. Unfortunately I wasn’t the only person who took an unexpected day yesterday, so the workload is a bit of a mess. And I had to make it clear to the team that I wouldn’t be working any overtime until after my January 29 move day, because I have too much to do.

Now to power through the rest of the day and get some packing done when I get home.

The next 12 days are going to be interesting, that’s for sure.

More to come…

0 notes