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of-another-broken-heart · 7 years

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today was... long.

once I finally got to sleep, I managed to stay that way until like... 3 pm? I think?

I got woken up because the kids’ father put on some DVD that was just a bunch of loud music videos or something. It was a song that reminded me of lil sis, though, so my first assumption was that she was blasting music because she was home “alone.” I thought mom was at work, bro was at a friend’s place, and the kids’ father was out of the house. The only part of that I got right was mom being at work.

I ate the last of the leftover stew for lunch. I was scared it had spoiled, but it seemed to be fine after I reheated it.

I made myself a cup of coffee, which went wrong in pretty much every way possible. Tried to measure out the coffee grinds - almost put a whole extra spoonful in. Poured water into the reservoir and pressed “ON” - then realized the coffee filter basket was sitting on the counter. The maker gurgled its way through “brewing” which I had to help by unclogging the drip hole - which kept getting blocked up by grinds that were directly in the drip area instead of suspended a little bit above in the filter basket. I had to carefully wait for the whole thing to drain, remove my cup, unplug it, disassemble the top lid, rinse it all off/out, replace the filter, use a second cup, pour the coffee through the filter, rinse my cup, transfer my coffee back into my cup, and then re-rinse the filter basket and other cup. THEN I went to add some creamer, only to find the bottle hadn’t been opened yet and the foil seal was fucking SUPERGLUED down. I literally had to use a pair of needle-nose pliers to unpeel the damn thing. Like a sardine can, y’know? I grabbed the “pull tab” and then rotated backwards

I barely drank any of the coffee all day. The cup is still down here, still half full.

I used some compressed air to clean out some of the dust in my pc tower. Then I slapped it back together (it’s very easy access actually - one screw, and the side panel is free to unclip and slide off) and got to settling my desk again. I decided to plug my speakers back in. I also decided I didn’t want my USB hub on my desk any more, so it’s being stealthy behind one of my monitors, chilling on top of my tower. I went ahead and plugged in my webcam again. Didn’t really have plans to use it, but figured “why the hell not?”

Then I tried to test it out.

That went poorly.

Trying to use the Logitech software to Quick Capture with it gave me a BSOD.

Twice.

(I wanted to make sure it was the same thing causing it, and not, y’know, my hard drive actually failing)

Took to google, and it seems to be a combination of Logitech’s software and drivers being buggy as hell and at odds with some sound settings/drivers I have set to have precedence over the Logitech ones. I think, specifically, it’s because I keep my condenser mic plugged in, and set as my default sound input device. Logitech webcam w/ built-in mic doesn’t like that.

Freaked me the hell out and I was super stressed and shit, but an hour or two of research had me simply resolved not to try to use my webcam any time soon. At least, not while my mic’s plugged in. Probably.

I tried to clean a bunch down here, too. I made... some? progress? I guess. I put all my dirty laundry in a basket, vacuumed a little, put some trash into recycle piles, reorganized my pantry and snack stashes, played with my violin a bit (I really need to save a bit of money to take it to the music shop in town and get it tuned and/or restrung... I’m still missing the D string I broke the last time I tried to tune it myself) and started trying to put some more clothes away.

Then I found out why the bottom drawer of this one dresser squeaks so horribly when I try to use it.

The entire back of the bottom came unstapled and was chilling on the ground. And it didn’t like the idea of getting shoved back up to fit through the drawer hole.

If you build a dresser, and each drawer can’t handle being full of folded jeans, it’s a BAD DRESSER and that shit needs to be fixed. I am so damn tired of this particular feature in dressers. Like, sure - the sixty-buck particle board one I got from Walmart? I get it. Understandable. I got what I paid for. This particular dresser, however, is fucking solid wood and hand-made and it’s supposed to be the good shit but it’s just being shit. UGH.

I pulled the whole drawer out, emptied it, flipped it over, and stacked all my jeans on it to try to un-warp it. My jeans weren’t heavy enough. FUCK KNOWS WHY - they were heavy enough to bust it DOWN in the first place, but not enough to bring it back???? FUCK. So I stacked my “end table” basket on it, too. (the basket is mostly sleep aids, pain killers, and hand lotion - shit that would be on/in a side table if I had a ~complete bedroom~ or whatever). That brought it most the way down.

I was going to make my bed again, and do some tote shuffling. I bought this giant tote about a year ago, designed for holding an artificial christmas tree and decorations. It’s got wheels and snaps together really well - so I figured it’d be great so mom could stop using the beat-to-shit boxes she has to juggle up and down from the attic. But, she said this tote is too big, and never used it, soooo I was gonna use it. First I had planned to put some MH stuff in it. But, I don’t want to unpack anything from the boxes I carefully Tetris’d already. So I figured I’d put all my blankets and sheets in it! Because the tote I have for that is currently cracked open because it has wimpy clasping power. And also I own more bedding that I need. Like... 4-5 complete sets?? Two of them I’ve had since middle school. Anyway, they don’t fucking fit in that tote, and I’ve actually had a small pile (from my giant laundry fiasco) that never got put away at all. So, big tote seems a fine candidate for all that.

Except I didn’t get that far.

I ended up bringing my bro over to one of his friend’s houses a little after 6. I spent three bucks on myself at McD’s. Got a burger and fries. Ate in the parking lot, in my car.

Tonight was also the memorial/fundraiser. Mom checked in with me to see if I wanted to go before she left, but I was still in the middle of tidying some things up, hadn’t brushed my hair or changed out of my pajamas... and I really couldn’t afford the $20 entry thing, and probably would have felt really out of place and/or depressed as fuck there. So I declined. Didn’t go.

I guess I kinda zoned out off and on today, too. I’m not sure. Maybe not? I kept busy for the most part...

Mom got back home around 11. She ended up winning some of the fundraiser items - a starbucks basket, and an “Italian” one (some wine, some pasta, some sauce) - so that was neat. I went to pick up bro at that point. I’d been on standby since 10, waiting for a message or something because I’d asked how long he planned to be over, and he’d said probably until 10. I didn’t know if he was allowed to stay later, or if I was being an asshole adult by leaving him there an hour past the time he was welcome... but I figured better late than never, and it’s not a school night, so if they were having a good time, and the adults involved were cool, and extra hour was fine.

Turned out his friend’s brother(? - I think) was going to give bro a ride home, but I got there before they left. Oh well.

Here I am 3 hours later and I feel like I just auto-piloted to this moment, and have been slowly going through my rechargeable batteries and getting them all juiced back up.

But I’m going to try to sleep now. Soon.

The women’s march today was... a thing. I cried at some of the news. In joy, mostly. Also in guilt. Regret. Shame. Inadequacy. Feeling a lot of ways all at once. More than usual, I mean.

#personal

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purplesurveys · 5 years

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510

What was the brand of your first ever cell phone? It was one of the Nokias with a lime green screen and Space Impact and a super ancient version of Snake. What are your 3 favorite internet sites? Twitter, YouTube, and Reddit. Do you have a favorite pair of blue jeans? Describe them. They’re skinny jeans and high-waisted. I just borrow them from my sister though so I don’t get to use it a lot. :( What profession do you respect? All of them. Have you ever been the recipient of a practical joke? Sure. My mom once pulled a joke on me when I was about 8. I told her my hiccups wouldn’t stop; she didn’t mind it first, but then she tells me about how she received a call from my school saying someone had stolen some of the eggs from the cafeteria. Now, as someone who used to buy egg sandwiches in school, I was immediately interested haha. Soon enough my mom tells me that the school claims they saw me did it, so I started to panic and beg for my mom to cover my ass. I was absolutely scared and freaking out at the mall at that point, and I just wanted to be let off the hook from this random-ass egg fiasco.

She ends her entire spiel by saying, “Your hiccups stopped, didn’t they?”

Have you ever ate something you've dropped on the floor, if so what? I eat food off the floor when I drop them all the time, but there was one instance my siomai fell onto the ground that had a gravel finish. Immediate regrets. Would you consider being an Uber driver if you needed to make extra money? Yes. How do you know when you're in love, what's the main sign? I’ve only fell in love once, but the main sign for me during the time was that I began crying over them. Like just outright emotional, and I didn’t understand why. Turns out that not-understanding is just me trying to deny it. Have you ever gotten anything autographed, if so by who & what was it? I bought an already-autographed poster of AJ Lee. I dunno if that counts. Although, Andrew DID just have a meet-and-greet with another wrestler, Sheamus, last Tuesday. He said he had a print of Sheamus’ autographed for me. I don’t know if he was serious, but it would be so swell if it’s real. Do you prefer Walmart or Target? I haven’t been to either. What do you long for? A successful thesis. If you could be a personal assistant to anyone, who would it be? BEYONCÉ What is the most important thing you can do to improve yourself? Seeing a therapist would probably be the first, most obvious way to go. What makes it hard for you to keep your focus? The internet haha. Case in point: I planned to study a 33-page reading last night, but I kept getting distrated by notifications that came in my phone. Even if I tried to turn off the wi-fi, I’d turn it back on if I wanted to check for any new messages. After three hours, I was still only on page 9. Do you think society has become too PC (politically correct)? It definitely has, and I might be the only person on this hill but I’m kind of glad it has. I don’t mind a little or a lot of political correctness. PH isn’t a very progressive country in itself and you’d be shocked to find out just how many Filipinos still use a lot of backwards terms, so it’s healthy for me to know what the inoffensive words are. What tragic love story do you relate to? I don’t know if there’s any. Has your intuition or "gut" served you well? Its definitely had its ups. Back in 2015, coming home from school, I saw my mom’s car parked in our driveway. That NEVER happens. Immediately felt sick sick to my stomach and believed a grandparent had died. Not because my mom was sick and had to go home, not because my mom had an errand to run, but because a grandparent died. It was my grandfather (her dad) who died that day. What's the longest you've ever waited in line for something and what was it? My sister and I lined up for 8 hours outside the Mall of Asia Arena for our One Direction concert. The titanium section was first-come first-served, so we wanted to go in in early. SPOILER ALERT: arriving 8 hours before the concert – for One Direction for that matter – is late as fuck. Who is your favorite model? Taylor Hill or Kendall Jenner. What have you done that is out of character for you? Be head of the external affairs committee in my org. Literally the last committee I would have had signed up for. The job is everything I hate, until super super recently. Would you rather get a gift card or a gift that someone bought for you? As long as they thought of me while getting the gift, it’s immediately special for me. Who is the most visionary person in your life & how do they inspire you? My internship boss is so cool. She’s one of the smartest people I know and she has a really snappy sense of diskarte (Filipino word that’s hard to translate; think resourcefulness or mojo). She’s seen a lot and been through a lot, and I couldn’t help but look up to her during my stint in their company. How do you handle a betrayal? Cut the betrayer/s out of my life. What do you feel strong enough to protest about? Anything that aims to support or glorify the Marcoses. What's the biggest blooper you've never lived down? We were playing Heads Up! at a family Chrismas party several Christmases ago. My category was Filipino Christmas food – and mind you I’m not super familiar with all of them because I’m generally not a fan of Filipino rice cakes. Anyway, I name every food I know one by one, and I excitedly scream out “PUTO BIMBING” and I saw every single damn relative in front of me collapse and start having seizures and SCREAMING AT ME from laughing too hard. I swear they must have laughed in my face for like 3 minutes. Apparently, the right word is ‘puto bumbong.’ To this day I still don’t know why I blurted out bimbing, I’m literally laughing so hard right now just typing this down :((((( My family brings it up literally once every couple of months or so. This blooper is probably only funny for Filipinos, but still. If you owned a restaurant what kind of food do you want to serve? Gourmet burgers. What will we find if we look in the bottom of your closet today? You would see the books I was assigned to read in school, so that includes a copy of Holes, Number the Stars, Bridge to Terabithia, etc and all of my Shakespeares. All of my AJ Lee action figures are there too, as well as my signed poster of hers. There’s a bunch of other knickknacks in there. What kind of car did you learn how to drive on? The first car I ever tried to drive was my parents’ old Mitsubishi Lancer. I only drove it once because my trial drive drove my mom crazy. I passed my driving test in a Hyundai Elantra, which is honestly such a shitty car and I nearly failed the test because I simply didn’t work well with it. I mostly had to learn with my present car, my Mitsubishi Mirage. I was going to start college and had little time to practice, so when I had to start driving myself to school, that was my practice in itself. What is the best thing you have done just because you were told you can't? Be in a healthy, long-term relationship. My mom used to tell me all the time that no one will ever love me because of how disorganized I am. She meant it seriously, so it stung for many years and also affected the way I dealt with other people. Have you ever had to go to court or testify and if so what for? Nope. Do you believe in karma? It’s fun to fantasize about, but I don’t religiously or spiritually believe in it. Are you more worried about doing the things right, or doing the right thing? Doing the right thing. I hate getting in trouble. Do you believe in the term "Mother knows best?” To some extent, yes. Who is your favorite movie action hero? I was never big on the hero narrative in movies, or any text for that matter. What is one thing you can get in your hometown you can't get elsewhere? My grandmother’s cooking. How important are looks in someone you're in a relationship with? Like, a 4 out of 10. I almost went with dating Mike because he’s really intelligent, even though I found him 0% attractive. What freedom do you feel is not really free anymore? Social media. It used to be a place where we would just post updates, share music, talk to our friends, be goofy in general; nowadays if you fuck up on a joke you thought was harmless, it’d be so easy to end you for good. Also, people would EASILY shoot you down over an opinion that’s different from theirs. I dunno, I just think that we think it’s a ginormous free space for all when really, everyone’s just kind of out there to catch our asses when they see fit. What are you most thankful for? The people who never left. Do you have any favorite talk shows or talk radio programs without music? Not really. I’m a fan of several YouTube series/specials, but I don’t follow talk shows a lot. What was the last book you read? Do readings count? I had to read materials for my Contemporary Philippines class just earlier. What's your favorite online store? I don’t remember where I bought my coloring books from, but it’s either Shopee or Lazada. What band would you love to tour with or be a roadie for? Paramore.

If you were to throw a message in a bottle into the ocean, it would say? I dunno how I feel about that. I feel like it contributes to polluting the oceans more, so I’d rather not do it even if I can come up with a witty message. Do you have common sense or do you think people are lacking in it? Hahahaha it’s here and there. Sometimes I embarrassingly lack it. What's your favorite non-alcoholic drink? Salty Cream Chocolate milk tea from CoCo. How do you feel about thrift shops or flea markets? I don’t really go to those, but something similar we have is called ukay-ukay, which sells secondhand clothes. I’ve recently been converted as a fan after shunning them for a very long time, as all my new tops have been from ukay-ukays haha. What do you like to put gravy on? Fried chicken and mashed potatoes. Have you ever gone canoeing/kayaking? Yes! I did it in Palawan. It was breathtaking to do it there. What one thing in particular makes you feel good about yourself? Knowing where I go to school, hahaha. What is priceless to you? Dogs finding their forever homes. What do you wait for discount sales to buy? Clothes, mainly. What is one thing you know about your family history you're proud of? I have a lot of amazing ancestors who were crucial to my country’s history, e.g. I’m related to one of the women who sewed the first Philippine flag, one of the diplomats who signed the Treaty of Paris (the treaty in itself is definitely not something to be proud of, but my relative is permanently etched in history nonetheless because of this), and one of my distant great-uncles published a nationalist history book that’s still being greatly relied on in the PH educational system and academe to this day. There’s a lot to be proud of, definitely. What 3 songs will always be found at the top of your playlist? I don’t have a permanent three-song set as my favorites will always change. But right now, it would be composed of Saw You In A Dream by The Japanese House, Pool by Paramore, and Outta My Head by Khalid and John Mayer. What is the craziest thing you've ever done for someone? When I was a freshie in college, I once drove for an hour and a half to visit Gabie for ten minutes. Do you keep a budget? I have to. If you could cast a spell on someone what spell would you cast and on who? For freeloader groupmates to help out in class projects. What makes you feel rested and refreshed? Uh. Sleep? Who depends on you the most? My parents, probably. Could you ever be someone's bodyguard? I doubt it. Pretty sure anyone could break my bones easily lol. Has one of your biggest fears come true? Nope. Is there anything about the opposite sex you just don't understand? A lot of things... Have you ever let your mom or significant other fight a battle for you? I’ve allowed Gabie many times because I was always just too weak, yeah. Did you create a checklist for your ideal spouse? Not really, but when I was in high school I had a stupid phase where I wanted my future boyfriend to be a certain name, because back then I thought that name was attractive LMAAAAOOOO.

If so, what were two things you wanted? He had to be named Gino (IT WAS A POPULAR FILIPINO NAME IN 2015 OK), and he had to be academically smart. This was before I realized I really really don’t like boys. Have you ever ridden on a subway or train an what did you like about it? I rode the train once when I had to do legwork for a journ class and there was no other way to get to the place than to commute. I rode with Jum because I have no idea how to commute alone. I remember liking the fact that it was cold and spacious in the train at the time I got in – then again, it was at a dead hour. I’m sure it’s nothing like that in reality. What song on your playlist gets played the most? I try to listen to all my favorite songs equally. Have you ever received a harsher punishment than you deserved? I don’t think so. Back when my mom used to ground me I used to think I was being abused and I felt so victimized lol. At 21, looking back, it turns out my rebel ass deserved to be whipped with a belt lmfao. Do you prefer sporty or academic members of the opposite sex? I prefer people I can vibe well with, regardless of their strengths and sex. Do you have to experience something to fully understand it? Yes. Has anyone in your family ever served in the military? My great-grandfather is a WWII veteran and a survivor of the Death March in Bataan. Finish the next line in your style: Roses are red, violets are blue... Why am I on Tumblr, when I still have much to do? :((( What embarrasses you instantly? Dropping stuff. Do you think you could be a firefighter, why/why not? No, but I did want to be one when I was young. Firefighters have to be insanely strong because they carry a lot of heavy stuff and...I’m just not...that. Also because I panic easily, and that’s certainly not a good thing in that line of work. Do you often read your horoscope? Never. I don’t care for mine. What current event are you tired of hearing about? Mmm I’m not sure. I kind of care about everything that’s happening in the world at the moment, especially with regard to Hong Kong. Are you a daredevil? Nah. What do you think should be censored? Homophobic / biphobic / transphobic shit. Are you related to anyone famous or historical, if so who? I already expounded on this quite a few questions back in this survey. Would you ever donate a kidney to anyone, and who? Yeah, to people I find really important. How do you encourage yourself when you go through hard times? It doesn’t last forever and I’ll be getting my own house in the next 8-10 years. Have you ever fired a gun? Nope. Do you think people, including yourself live up to their full potential? We should be, anyway. I try to. How are you different from most people? My left pinky is super crooked :( What is the main quality you think makes a great parent? The ability to apologize to your child and recognize that parents can make mistakes too. What creature do you admire for its ability to adapt? As much as I despise them, fucking cockroaches. Have you ever stayed up for an entire 24 hours, why? Nah. I just know I wouldn’t function properly if I did, and I’d be so cranky too. Who is a female role model in your life? I don’t have any. What childhood dreams have you neglected? Being an astronaut, a veterinarian, a writer, and a firefighter. How often do you reevaluate your life? I honestly don’t get the time to, which sucks. I’ve always thought of getting one of those 5-year journals that let you answer one question everyday for the next five years so that you’re able to see how much you mature in that time. It would be nice to have mini-reflections/evaluations everyday, but one copy of it is pretty expensive so I never got around to buying them. What's your favorite place just to hang out? Coffee shops. What do you have trouble seeing clearly in your mind? The future. What three things do you think of most of each day? The tasks I have to do, feeding my dog, and calculating the amount of sleep I’ll be getting at night. Would you travel to space if possible? YES. I’ve always said this has always been a dream of mine. Name a famous person you wouldn't mind for a business partner. Kylie Jenner.

#survey #surveys

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