#he values responsibility so much but also makes the most batshit decisions ever

[ironinkpen]

The interpretation of Rise Raph as a 'perfect responsible soft boy uwu' is so BORING I'm sorry, Raph is a rowdy adrenaline junkie with anxiety and I won't take this slander any longer

Raph secretly kept an enemy soldier in their actual literal house as a sparring partner. Raph glued his brothers together and dragged them out to fight crime. Raph once asked Leo to punch him in the face to prove he 'takes damage like a boss.' Raph tried to lift a school bus, twice. Raph offered to help his favorite wrestler beat his little brother up. When Leo suggests evacuating Bullhop, Raph says no bc the best defense is a good offense babey. Raph's idea of a 'friendly chat' with April's upstairs neighbor is to put on a black ski mask and go stand menacingly at their door. It takes Raph 10 episodes to conclude that they should MAYBE start training. Raph's plan to get a potentially priceless (and potentially FRAGILE) museum artifact is to punch a car in the middle of a busy street and also cut it in half with his brother still inside.

Raph's never met a problem he wouldn't try to punch in the face and does not know the meaning of the words 'excessive force.' He roughhouses with his bros and drags them out to fight villains and thinks any plan that doesn't involve an all-out brawl is boring and lame. He'll do anything to protect his family from harm and be a hero, but also he eats wet salami off the floor and once single-handedly destroyed a library.

I just adore how, at his core, Rise Raph is such a classic Raph—impulsive and stubborn and caring and passionate. He is a very sweet, strong, honorable guy who has a very powerful sense of personal responsibility... and he is also the exact kind of jock who throws you in the pool at a party without checking if you have your phone in your pocket first.

#rottmnt #rottmnt raph #raph #don't worry then he'll freak out and buy you a new one #anyway! raph rules!!!!! #and i think the movie has made some people interpret him as like the 'responsible mom' character which is a bummer #bc that's really not him at all #like this is not even NEARLY a complete list of raph's shenanigans #he's a hooligan a fool a dumbass (affectionate) #he loves big flashy exciting fights and does not spare a single thought to stealth 90% of the time #he gets distracted on missions taking selfies with pizza pigeons and wrestlers #and gets annoyed in eps like Bug Busters when leo suggests being more cautious #he would die for his brothers but also he's definitely the type to like. walk into their rooms and sit on them for fun #he values responsibility so much but also makes the most batshit decisions ever #and has probably caused the state of new york thousands of dollars in damages #and he's NOT the boys' dad jesus christ #he grows slightly more serious over the course of the series (out of stress :(() #but at his core he's just a kid who loves fighting and being a hero #and i love him so much ok!!!!!!

[rfschatten]

COVID-19 & the Rise of Prairie Populism

“By Failing to Prepare, you are Preparing to Fail” ~~~ Benjamin Franklin

We have arrived at the most critical moral point of this Pandemic Crisis. Where the Economy and the Health Crisis are beginning to collide with each other.

Yes, something has to be done to keep the economy running …the little businesses are suffering the most, and do have a good legitimate reason to re-open. Wall Street & Corporate America wants it open for their own greedy reasons. And Donald Trump desperately wants to open up, the most! His re-election hangs on his chance of a good economy …cause if he loses, they’re going to take him and “lock him up”!

On the other side of this moral dilemma, you have thousands that soon will be in the hundreds of thousands of Deaths, and Millions who eventually may easily become hundreds of million Infected by COVID-19.

One side wants to keep enforcing CDC Protocol cause they value human life and will observe all protocols till it’s over. On the other side, almost everyone values human life, too …but financial stress, and different situations are forcing some to look at things a little differently. Things not normally thought about. How many deaths are “acceptable” for the country, that they can get back to work?

For a while Trump & Pence have been saying; Soon, we all have to make some tough decisions on life and death. Chris Christie publicly said; 3,000 Deaths/Day is acceptable collateral damage to keep the Economy running. The Federal Government wants the economy to succeed at all costs, and to overshadow the Pandemic, …cause that’s Trump’s eminent Waterloo.

And for the economy to succeed, the US Gov’t prefers to accept the notion of acceptable “collateral damage” …like in a Nuclear Attack? That’s Trump’s Capitalism!

We, the People are just a “commodity” in a Trump Economy post-COVID019.

An Administration that intents to phase down the Medical portion of their Pandemic policies and begin the Economic Recovery phase, as soon as possible …while people are still dying daily by the thousands…is simply committing Public Policy Genocide. As Yale Epidemiologist Gregg Gonsalves said; “What else do you call mass deaths by public policy”?

The Federal Government pretty much is saying; Americans can be sacrificed in order for the economy to grow.

The problem this stable genius can’t understand is; the Millions infected, and pretty soon the hundreds of Millions are not going out anywhere for a while, or on any type of shopping spree! …not until this Virus is taken care of and stopped, the Nation is not going to economically recover!

The value of Human Life? or the value of the US Dollar? That’s the moral of the story of what 2020 is all about!

Donald Trump wants to own the moment, he wants to be the almighty superhero who saved America from a catastrophic global pandemic. When he, and he alone knows how to stop the viral infection …and all his followers, will eventually follow him straight off the cliff!

Why are Batshit Trumpers considered America’s Village Idiots?

In a recent poll, 90% of Republicans trust Trump for COVID-19 information rather than the CDC & all Medical Professionals!

When you believe a man who publicly has made more than 18,000+ lies in 3 years, over Medical professionals …yes! you will die! But, not for your country or not for your family, but for someone who only cares ‘if’ you live, for your vote in November.

The Donald’s biggest problem? He never expected anything like this to occur, a crisis that transcends politics and transcends his life of lies. A crisis where he really does have to become and act presidential, be a true leader & show some leadership …but, he’s clueless on how to lead…and no one cares about his rhetorical bullshit anymore. He knows he’s out of his league, out of his element …he’s like a fish out of water …everything is way over his head, and he just doesn’t know how to handle it.

REALITY just bitch slapped the TV Reality Superstar. Let me introduce myself…hope you guess my name!

At a time when the country might forgive him, even just a little, and give him his just due if he only just comes out honest and truthful with the population …his demented mind pushes harder to make people hate him even more!

Trying to intimidate Governors and civic leaders with his quid pro quo’s…you do this for me and we’ll give you what you need. Intimidating everyone into opening the Nation up for business ASAP, to quickly recover the economy so he can get re-elected.

Making the States suffer without supplying the needed equipment or the needed Tests, and only giving them the bare minimum unless they all kiss his big, not so lovely tush.

But, nothing’s worse than the most disgusting thing our Gov’t has ever done to any of the States during a state of emergency. Making States go into a bidding war …in the middle of a pandemic! …for supplies against other States, Foreign Governments, Corporations, and even the U.S. Government, itself?!?!

The States are literally on their own… a Federal Government that says; “I take no responsibility whatsoever”. A Federal Government that says; We won’t lead you, we’ll just back you up.

2 Governors, a Democrat, and a Republican secretly ordered and sent planes to pick-up their desperately needed Medical Supplies from China. Secretly, because they’re both afraid of Trump confiscating it, and taking it to boost their own National Stockpile Supply.

The V.A. bought 5 million masks for Veterans and VA Hospitals across the country. FEMA confiscated it all and took it to boost Trump’s National Stockpile. Meanwhile, people are continuously dying and no one’s getting the needed masks!

The plane trips were secretly kept. But Larry Hogan, the GOP Governor of Maryland, went one up to secure the needed (500,000) Test Kits, and has them secretly stashed away and guarded by the “National Guard” & the “Maryland State Police” so the Feds don’t take them away!

You can’t make up shit like this, folks!

Now, he won’t give sanctuary Cities the emergency funding they desperately need, unless they remove the sanctuary status and permit ICE to round-up “Illegal” Immigrants.

When has any State or anyone ever gone through such cruel extreme measures? When has the American Government ever treated its Citizens with so much disdain and disrespect? And even worse, during such catastrophic times of health & human crisis?

He’s been working on plans to keep everything open since the Virus arrived when advised of the possibility of states and cities closing down.

For 70 days he jerked the Nation around trying to make believe the Virus was a hoax, all to keep his economy from collapsing.

Opening the country up is against his own official White House Policy! Against the advice of the CDC! the advice of Dr. Fauci, Dr. Redfield, Dr. Birx, & Doctors everywhere!

His obsession with irresponsibly pushing a Malaria drug for this Viral infection …against the recommendation of all Medical Professionals. Though it’s not hard to see why he’s pushing it like if he was the star spokesman for the company. Wonder how much money, stock, or what kind of deal Trump/Kushner Inc. has invested in the maker of Hydroxychloroquine …Mylan Pharmaceutical?

Now, he’s gone off his rocker once again…only this time it veers into the extreme far side of the bizarre! His latest push? Injecting yourself with disinfectants, including bleach!

Also, Injecting yourself with a tiny UV light that will miraculously kill the Virus in your bloodstream …I suppose if you believe that crock of horseshit! You only inject yourself with disinfectants if you’re committing suicide …cause that’s what will happen!

And he still considers himself a stable genius?

The next day, he tried to push it back, saying he was just kidding with the press …when a replay of the press conference showed him directing his spiel directly at Dr. Birx.

Nothing has gone right since he was sworn in. The Russians hacking the elections, the Ukraine scandal, all his women scandals, all his daily scandals, all the embarrassments throughout the world, all the fiasco that occurs no matter where he goes or what he does …and naturally, his Impeachment for life!

Now, a massive gigantic screw-up of devastating proportions that might very well end his presidency. Yes, his natural stupidity can be a factor …but this professional Puppet appears to be on the loose & on his own …and that, really is dangerous.

What are his motives?

His top priority …opening up the country and build up the economy at “all cost”, over a deadly Viral infection that can potentially kill in the millions. His priority is the Economy …no matter how many people die. It’s not his concern as he keeps saying; “I am not responsible at all”. Who cares how many people die? …not this President!

Telling people to Free their States and gather in mass which would immediately triple the population of Positive Tests …he keeps misrepresenting the truth. telling people he’s doing a ‘tremendous job’ and while keeping the virus down to only 30,000 deaths, then to 50,000, now that��s he’s doing such a good job, he’s going to contain the virus down to only 100,000 deaths.

A typical Trump trait…brag how stupid he is to the only people who will believe his horseshit. Now, by getting his minions to protest their Constitutional rights of not wearing any protective gear, the real Professionals are talking about the real possibility of hundreds of millions testing positive and millions dying.

He started a Prairie Fire telling his 2nd Amendment followers for an armed uprising over their States …calling for a rebellion against a State Government is sedition, and for the President to suggests people to rebel, that’s “Treason”!

While all along purposely lying, misleading, or delaying all the millions of test kits, which is the Federal Government’s total responsibility of distributing!

Donald Trump doesn’t want any more Test Kits! …he doesn’t want the public to see how many more people are infected! It’s not conducive to his top & only priorities …making money and getting re-elected.

Gloria Steinham once said; “The Truth will set you free, but first, it will piss you off”.

The reason Trump’s having more and more meltdowns during this Pandemic is that he’s continuously pissed off …no one believes his lies anymore …and he knows it.

The Truth hurts when you know and you’re forced to privately admit, you really are a nobody! …when your emotional and delusional bubble of illusions burst and you’re faced with the reality of life.

That’s when Trump realized he really does own the moment…lock, stock, & barrel!

And there’s no way out …he can remain in self-denial, but whether he likes it or not, he’s totally responsible for all the Positive Viral Cases and totally responsible for all the Deaths.

He can’t blame it on anybody this time, though Obama is always his usual target for one thing or another …it’s all happened in the 3 yrs of his Presidency..during his watch!

Hey, Donald! You wanted to be President? You got it! It’s your job, now go out and work for the first time in your life and do it right, or in November …’ you’ will be Fired!

The first Human Coronavirus was discovered in the 1960s …more recently, the 2002–2004 SARS Pandemic outbreak & 2012 MERS Pandemic, raged havoc.

Medical Scientists and Epidemiologists from the US had been closely working together with their Chinese counterparts in China for a long time (till Trump removed them in 2020) They’ve been tracking a new strain until they finally traced it to Wuhan 3 years later.

How bad would this Pandemic have been if a prepared Nation would’ve been notified since 2016?

It happened on his watch …and he knew about it the whole damn time!

He was warned more than a couple dozen times since 2016. First, during the transition period in 2016. the Pandemic policies from the Obama Administration, including supplies and preparedness guidelines were explained and passed on to the Trump Administration. They were told that a new little known strain of Coronavirus, totally different from the last two, was out there …but they haven’t traced it to anywhere, yet!

In 2018 he was warned at least twice, that’s when he fired the White House Pandemic Team. He was warned again over a dozen times in 2019.

1. Why would he fire medical experts on Pandemics with a Global Pandemic outbreak about to explode in the United States?

2. And now that it’s here, and knowing the gravity of the situation …why fire Dr. Rick Bright, the man who was on the development end of the COVID-19 Vaccine, right in his tracks? …while 82,000+ die and over 1.4 Million identified, out of all the unidentified hundreds of millions that are getting Infected daily?

3. Why did he warn Israel of the incoming Pandemic in November of 2019? yet, didn’t warn the American Public till 70 days after he was warned again by the CDC on Jan. 3rd, 2020, confirming the imminent arrival of COVID-19? The CDC officially warned the American public on Jan. 8th, 2020.

4. Why did the Administration’s Health & Human Services turn down an offer on Jan. 22nd…the day after the 1st US Coronavirus case was identified…from Texas’ Prestige Ameritech, the largest surgical face mask producer in the United States…to manufacture 1.7 Million N95 Masks per week?

Why is Donald Trump deliberately doing all of this? Does he really believe his own stable genius BS? Is it all his natural incompetence? This man may be a degenerate psychopathic screaming narcissist …but someone is pulling this puppet’s strings!

When you have a blatant lifelong coward who never takes responsibility for any of his actions, his failures, or his blunders …you’re going to see a lot of Psychological Projection …blame anybody or everybody for everything he ever does. No one in History can psychologically project any better than Bonespurs Donny!

And no one has had more conspiracy theories about everything imaginable in just 3 years, than this faker. His latest blame game? He blames China for developing a man-made Virus in their labs, which has been debunked by our own intelligence agencies, the CDC, WHO, as well as the medical professionals in his Task Force, and experts around the world.

He’s also blaming the World Health Organization for not warning him early enough …I guess 2016, 2018, 2019, & 2020 is not early enough!

All these Red State Governors are more interested in making a fast buck than the health of their constituents…they’re opening up their States to everything, as more and more people start ignoring rules and trying to go back to the old normal. Revolt against authority for the right to” go back to work”.

So far, a few are opening but the smell of spring air, the lure of the heat, and hoping for a nice summer breeze is too fascinating to pass up, causing all these people to congregate in the parks and the beaches, refusing to follow medical advice.

Take all these people, and add the ignorance of NeoNazis & gun-toting Batshit Trumpers…those that Trump calls “very good people”, just like the “Very Fine People” in Charlottesville.

They hear their beloved leader subliminally order them to go and cause havoc by “liberating” Michigan and other States …and off they go with no respect to whom they hurt or infect.

The latest projections on how many will die during the summer, now that Trump is allowing America (against all Medical advice & recommendations) to open up …an estimate of over 3,000 deaths daily through the summer with the infection rate in the hundreds of millions, assured. All for spending a day frolicking on the beach.

And now, when Trump’s beloved MAGA followers get pissed off and angry with cries for help as more and more get sick, and more and more start dying of COVID-19 ...what will he do?

How will Donald, who’s a man with absolutely zero empathy or compassion, an anti-altruistic human being, and a sociopath with a seriously severe “schadenfreude” complex …respond to these people?

You have his minions, those too stupid who’ll still follow him of that cliff, and you have those who’ll refuse to jump, turning on him, and try to stay alive! How will he respond? …how will he answer them without pissing off one side or the other?

When everyone else acts with dignity & respect …expect this fool to be his normal self. Pity his beloved supporters.

But just remember, all you good Trumpers; “I take no responsibility at all”!

So! America, wake up and smell the coffee! Stop living life in self-denial …and face the reality of COVID-19.

1st, STOP LISTENING to Politicos who have absolutely no experience, knowledge, or any idea whatsoever in Medicine to give you advise and updates …especially Trump, with his agenda of lies, misinformation, and misleading statements, all along while pushing a Malaria Drug that hasn’t been proven it works, although it’s proven that it kills. Also, all his Lysol, Clorox, and UV light cockamamie injections!

2nd, START LISTENING to the Medical Professionals and Medical Scientists, who know what they’re doing, people like Rick Bright, Anthony Fauci, Deborah Birx, and Bob Redfield!

The awful truth about COVID-19: Only 2.95% of our 350 million population has been tested …so, how many more than the current 1.4 million that tested positive are going to be “Positive” too? -

This bug is not going anywhere, anytime soon! It’s not going away for summer vacation, it’s not going to be gone with the wind, it’s not going to be here today and gone tomorrow, it’s not going to just be gone one day as the President tries to convince his base …and it’s not going to magically disappear one day, as Trump says; “It’s going to go away without a vaccine”!

COVID-19 is here to stay! It’s going to be our guest for a year or two, or more …remember, it will not ever be eradicated until a Vaccine is found!

Don’t fight the new normal, just go with the flow …the quicker We, the People use our natural intellect and do things right, the quicker we can get back to the old normal.

So! If you want to stay alive through 2020 and beyond? …Remember, November!

#Coronavirus #covid-19 #Donald Trump #Pandemic #2020 election #genocide #CDC #world health organisation coronavirus #coronavirus deaths #virus

[mubal4]

The Unknown vs. What’s Comfortable

 You know that day right before you are about to head out on vacation for a week?  It can be overwhelming at times.  You are planning a trip, trying to get ready to fly your family across the country, making sure everything is packed, house is taken care, work/business stuff is all lined up, and things are prepared.  Typically, it doesn’t go according to plan, when does it ever? But for the most part, you get things pieced together and things seem to get figured out.  Yesterday was one of those days where my stress level was a little bit higher than normal.  We had things ready to go except to get our stuff packed but most of my responsibilities were coming together but it took an early wake up call, getting my run done early, and getting things all in order.  Around the mid-point of the afternoon, 230pm or so AZ time, I got a call from one of my business partners to discuss a couple of things.  Ironically, he was heading out on vacation tomorrow and wanted to let me know.  We have a number of things we are working on together and we both wanted to inform the other about plans and accessibility.  We spent a few moments talking about what may come up over the next week or so and connecting with one another and then the conversation led down a different path. Just some foundation here, over the last 18 months, he and I have gotten closer on a personal level; really connected, not only professionally but also personally.  It has been a real pleasure having some deep conversations with him on life, family, and business.  This conversation was even deeper and a more gratifying and we will get to the point in a moment.  

 Here I am today, flying across the country, back to PA for Isabella’s gymnastic meet this weekend and for the opportunity to visit with family and friends back home.  To say we are excited is an understatement.  Of course, it will be great to see Isabella compete in Philadelphia and have my mom and dad, sisters, cousins, and friends there but we also get to hang out with them for a long weekend.  We are incredibly grateful to have loved ones on both coasts!! On these long flights, I do like to take some time and review my manuscript, or so I call it, which serves as the basis for the blog.  I have a huge Word document that I write in first and then copy my entries over to the blog.  I also use it to jot down quotes, notes, ideas, and thoughts about future blogs and podcasts.  As I pulled up the document today and began reviewing some thoughts, I came across this quote that I noted, probably about 3-4 months ago by Denzel Washington:

 “A lot of us have built the skills and talent to succeed but do we have the guts to fail.”

 This quote stood out among the others that I have noted because it was directly related to the conversation with my partner from yesterday.  We are both around the same age and have spent more than 20 years developing the skills that provide us with the careers and professions we have today.  We are tremendously grateful.  However, we have had a number of conversations about how we may be able to better serve the universe, with those skills, in other capacities.  We’ve shared ideas, thoughts, potential joint ventures together, and we continue down our same journey.  We’ve gotten good at what we do and have made good careers out of it.  The term “comfortable” has come up in conversations and I’ve shared this on here before in the past.  Is that which is out there and unknown going to be more fulfilling with what is known right now?  We all have frustrations, aggravation, and yes, bullshit within our chosen professions that make us batshit crazy sometimes. We wonder why we deal with it, how much longer we can deal with it, and contemplate how to fix it.  Over the years I’ve been able to find and focus on things that outweigh the bullshit and provide me with the joy and fulfillment I search for; both in my career and outside of it.  I believe it is important that you find those passions and pursue them, wherever they may exist – in your job or externally.  

 Yes, there is the current venture my wife and I are working on and a few things where I’ve have been fortunate enough to find that delivers that joy to my pleasure sensors.  AND, I have also found those within my career.  But here is the question that I search for, and this is something I’ve been asking myself for a while, which came up on this conversation yesterday………….

 What is prevent me (everyone) from jumping in with both feet and going after the unknown?  What comes out of that question is, many times I’ve said that my situation hasn’t become intolerable yet.  I have a lot of freedom, autonomy, and things are comfortable so why change? I do get passion and fulfillment out of what I do as well as the side hustles and other activities I have going on.  I am grateful!  Here’s the rub though, will I still feel this way in 5 years when I am 50?  Where do I see myself at that time?  What is wrong with me continuing down this journey when I am 50? Does the new venture take off and am I doing that fulltime?  Will I continue to be fulfilled doing what I am doing in 5 years? I am torn and I go back and forth when I have these discussions or think about it.  Yesterday’s conversation was great because it gave me proof that I am not alone in this process.  To have someone I highly respect, value, and have come to see as a mentor with these thoughts is helpful.  Funny how it got to this point by us both being vulnerable with one another!  One of the questions I blurted out toward the end of our discussion was, “when is the right time to jump right in?”  There is never “THE RIGHT TIME.”  We can always find an excuse or reason to NOT do something. We want to make the right decision, be safe, and protect our family.  However, what might that be costing us?  Freedom? Fulfillment? Sharing our treasure with the world?  Can there be a balance? Why does it have to be all or nothing or Now or Never?  This last one is where I’ve come to with the latest venture.  Fortunately, I am in a position that affords me the ability to have a side hustle; to create something, on the side, on my timeline.  Am I being too patient though?  Is wading in at my ankles not enough and should I be knee deep at this time?

  Well, I can say that I have no frigging idea of what the right answer is, when the right time will be, or what direction I should go.  I do know that I am leaning into this process, taking baby steps & I am going after THAT UKNOWN.  I am not clear on where it will take me or how long it may take me to get there.  I do know that I am enjoying the process, no matter how long it is taking or how slow it is going.  I am grateful for the career that I have that affords me the freedom to chase the unknowns.  I am fortunate to have friends, partners, family, and mentors that support me and share their insecurities with “their unknowns.” And, I have faith that the progress we are making, no matter how little or how much, is certainly much better than me sitting around hoping, and wishing for that “someday to come.”

#RFP decideyourpace itisyourjourney don’twait diporjumprightin takeaction

[camilliar]

2, 12, 13, 18, 25

2) what work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?

This got long, enjoy a nice cut:

I wrote South Park fic about Kyle being a trans guy that I really should not have put on the internet. They’re on my LiveJournal if you really want to go on a trek to hunt them down, or I don’t mind telling you where to find them; the only reason they’re not f-locked is that I got requests from people to read them. I don’t know why this is so embarrassing to me; possibly it’s because they’re not, like, good stories about South Park characters so much as they were part of me working through my own shit. (Newsflash, you never stop working through your own shit.) I don’t think there’s anything wrong with using fiction, fan or otherwise, as a coping mechanism, or as a tool, or whatever, but these stories are very much just an autobiography filtered through other people’s characters. THAT SAID this is very in-character:

“Do you think there’s a crossword in the magazine?” Stan asks.“I don’t know,” says Kyle, “why don’t you check?”“I love reading SkyMall!” Butters rifles through the seatback pocket until he finds it, tearing it open. “A kitty litter box that’s also a fake plant? Ha! Boy, what will they think of next?”“How long is this flight?” Kyle asks.“Too long,” says Stan; once beverage service begins he notices that his parents buy bloody marys, though it is not even noon yet.“It’s a brunch drink,” Stan’s mother insists, when she spots him staring at her. “It’s noon in Florida.”“We’re still over Nebraska!”“Oh, I’m sorry,” says Kyle, “did you want to have a conversation over me? Because if so we could just switch.”“No!” says Stan, “it’s fine. Sorry.”

I was going to finish a part 3/3 to this series and was so embarrassed that it is, to date, the only fanfic I have ever just totally decided to quit.

What I will say is that I think the kind of trans 101 elements of these dumb fics are the kind of trans 101 “it’s okay to be trans” narratives OMGCP gives props to, so, right topic, wrong fandom, or maybe right personal drama, wrong cultural moment.

12) your weaknesses as an author

In my public non-fandom life I’m great at killing my darlings but I need to do a lot better in fic. I can’t cut 1000 words of sassy dialogue because I know people want to read those 1000 words even if it makes my fic shittier! And the longer the better with fic! Except, wrong, not true, I need to get over this.

13) your strengths as an author

I will not post WIPs anymore. I will not post longform fic that hasn’t been finished and beta read and revised and Brit-picked if necessary. I think it’s worth debating whether this is worth doing at all, because it takes me a long time to write and then revise a lengthy story, and I do absolutely get the value in posting fic serially as you write it; so much of fandom is communal and so much of it is an immediate response to recent developments in the media you’re all concurrent following. But even if I don’t get the instant gratification of waiting for reviews to come rolling in from subscribers, or whatever, I’m so happy with this decision. I hate having the weight of WIPs bearing down on me, and making that a public thing has never helped me. Every fic I’ve put up since 2014-ish has been a totally complete fic that I knew was the best job I could possibly do, and I guess what I’m really saying is that after many years of doing this I figured out how to make it more workable for me and adopted that as a strategy instead of worrying about playing some kooky game.

18) were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? what were they?

I was so struck by the writing of Alan Hollinghurst that I’m 300k deep on a batshit 1980s AU. I’ve said this elsewhere, albeit not on this blog: at first I really was just trying to ape his style and voice, but what I learned was that there’s more strength in pastiche than in outright parody, and that’s how you write a crossover or a tribute.

In South Park fandom, @hollyhark wrote such pervasively popular fic that I went through a period in like 2014-2015 where I was taking cues from her, trying to write happy endings to stories that ended with like ~*~*happy weddings*~*~ and bloodless resolution. I’m glad I tried this because it was hard and I greatly value an experiment, and I like to push myself, and maybe it helped me understand her writing better? Maybe? But it also just clarified that I’m an edgelord and my fic is pretty bloody and that’s fine and true to my worldview. But, you know, I like a challenge. I don’t think I ever would have done this if not for like, talking with her directly about fandom expectations and formulae.

25) copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud of

I’m not proud of anything so I just spent an hour reading all of my OMGCP drafts and tried to find something that works without a lot of context. This is from a Bitty/Parse fic I may or may not ever finish:

“I’ve been to meet with the coaches,” Alicia says, and Kent believesher. She spends a lot of time away now. She counts on her fingers: “We’ve had afew meetings. Myself, coaches Murray and Hall, their director for plannedgiving and vice president for admissions and financial aid. They want moremoney out of me, I can tell. If they want it, they’d better come up with thingsthey can name after Jack, I told them. They won’t change the name of the rink,I asked.” She sighs. “It’s called Faber. I understand that. Whoever Faberwas—it’s always been Faber. When I was there, it was Faber. Not that I spent alot of time at Faber.” She keeps saying Faberin a heavy way, like she’s angry at the rink or at whoever this Faber was inthe first place, for dying first or whatever Faber did to get his or her nameon the building.

“Jack wouldn’t want his name on a building,” Kent says, as if thismight console her. “He really wouldn’t want people saying his name all the timelike that.”

Alicia smiles, because she knows Kent’s right.“Jack wanted a lot of things,” she says, because—Jack wanted a lot of things,and he got most of them, but a lot of good that did.

#meta

[violetsystems]

#personal

The only drama I’ve been tolerating lately is my return to reading physical comics in public.  The world has gone batshit insane and that isn’t the intro panel to Immortal Hulk.  It’s pretty much real life for me without much explanation or external plot narration.  After a year of writing here about how I feel on any number of issues nobody in real life knows any different.  It’s always been here where the act of social sharing has fifteen layers of safeguards in terms of anonymity.  The community has always been very subtle and muted in how it treats each other.  It’s intimate how you come to know a person through their curation of content.  There’s entire relationships I have with people on here that matter more to me than people I’m in daily contact with in Chicago.  I’ve been submerged in the deep web like a cybernetic dolphin in a tank for years with the rest of you.  The Tumblr fishbowl has always been much more comforting than the public eye.  The only theory I have is that people really don’t pay attention to anyone in real life.  I’ve come to know the pain of recognizing when people stop listening.  Most people just project how great they are or how much more they know.  Society in America especially under the guise of capitalism is always a competition.  You can only assess the success or value of a person by the amount they make or more importantly spend.  From there people splinter off into efficiently divided cliques, tribes and teams that people try to draft you into out of fear of isolation.  Peer pressure doesn’t ever go away unless you shut the door completely or maybe even bust it wide open.  Even then it just gets nastier and more sophisticated.  You’d have to be the Hulk to enjoy that kind of constant abuse.  My follower count has been mostly the same which has always been something I respect.  Everybody knows I try to play it safe and genuinely respect different perspectives.  I walk boundaries and I maintain layers beyond that.  Around this time last year I had made a decision in my life to focus my attention on things that made me happy.  One of those was my communications here with people.  Things had grown from this into real life in a magical way.  And then people starting hijacking the narrative for their own selfish reasons.  Putting their own spin, opinion and value on the things they thought I was “trying to say.”  That kind of thing has been happening to me since the beginning of time.  People trying to turn something I do into something that can benefit them, influence or control.  When it comes to blogging on the internet here the outside world is mostly negative towards this space.  Truthfully I am pretty excited about the recent purchase of Tumblr but everything in the press is always negative.  People are so conditioned to bad news these days that we just fixate on the drama and do nothing about it.  People crave it in almost everything.  Walk into a coffee shop and employees are trashing other coffee brands instead of focusing on their own.  People talk behind other people’s back like it’s a secret trial and never face the demon within themselves.  Sometimes these things escalate into crossing the line or threshold of your dreams overcome by some madness and zealotry.  They think they have a say in whatever it is I do in my own time.  And with me we already know how badly people have fucked up in this regard.  It is sadly comical at this point and I am the butt of a constant cosmic joke.  It would be a broken record to spend another year describing how I haven’t gotten over it.  I don’t give a fuck about any of that shit really anymore.  I changed my train route, subscribed to better coffee at home and read Hulk comics on the commute.  

With all the drama between Sony and Disney over Spider-man people forget sometimes we’re talking about movies.  Who owns the rights to the intellectual property of poor artists to bankroll their studio profits every summer is maybe important.  If you didn’t have twenty two movies linked together already.  I don’t know really I just read comics.  I’m supposed to have an opinion about every part of the world I’ve never lived in.  Within all these arguments it’s always picking a side.  Mostly because people want a battle and a chance to feel right even when they are missing a perspective totally.  We can focus on all the talking about the problems all day and never find a solution.  It’s been particularly hard for me to come to grips with being in the environment I’ve been in.  I spent five years traveling to Asia to figure out my place outside of all this.  This last year I came back and focused closer to home.  In that respect I’ve found New York to be much less pretentious than I thought it would be.  It’s truly the city where you can cry on the street and nobody cares.  That feeling of freedom is something I don’t feel lately myself in Chicago.  There’s too much manipulation and utilization of public space.  People so concerned about why you aren’t happy and never would do a thing to correct the problem.  There has to be something wrong with you for feeling that way.  In New York you kind of share the space and let things breathe.  In Chicago everybody is trying to maximize your contribution to society.  Your social obligations in the highest taxed city in America are also taxed if not just by patience and will alone.  I pay taxes and I don’t mind paying them.  But encroaching on people’s life, liberty and pursuit of happiness for the sake of a brand is a bit weird.  Unless it’s Pink.  This coming from a guy decked out fully in Nike and Undercover.  You see these shirts that say “Chicago Over Everything” and then you see me rot in silence in my street wear coffin.  I hear a lot of sentiments that don’t ever address me directly.  People project what they hope you will hear and expect you to take the bait.  Looking for a fight.  Looking for a new friend to abuse.  Looking for another cult member.  People approach inclusion by never leaving you alone and make you feel crazy for feeling claustrophobic.   I guess people have never been a victim of police entrapment.  That’s some drama I’ve already written about and left in the dust.  These days it’s ten thousand times worse and then again I’m over it.  The double standard I see in the real world is mostly about making people question their legitimacy in the face of incompetence.  I’ve been the victim of so many dumb social experiments for art’s sake and otherwise.  All it ever really amounts to is intimidation and drama and it’s boring and ineffectual.  We argue things we can’t or won’t change instead of leading by example.  And leading in public by yourself with no safety net gets old after awhile.  Especially when nobody remembers all that you’ve done.  Or at least gives you the benefit of the doubt when the court of public opinion puts you on trial for the fifth week in a row.  People who will talk about you behind you back all day but never address you to your face.  Never acknowledge your validity.  Too busy being negative to give you a chance to shine.

There’s an entire decade of my life that has been left behind and forgotten about outside of Tumblr.  Imagine the irony that the people I shared things with here knew the deeper side of me.  And we all watched me get passed over and ruminate about how I could be a better person.  How I could right all these wrongs?  How I could be the hero.  And almost eerily like the Hulk comic I’m looked upon as something else.  I haven’t really had a modern comic experience quite like reading that graphic novel.  I just ordered the next volume and get to pick it up from another school’s campus after work tomorrow.  I do have to work all day tomorrow.  I’ve done that for almost two decades.  People still treat me like a kid.  People on Tumblr of course know I don’t feel like a kid or even remotely account for one mathematically.  But I’ve learned people look for any excuse to write you off.  They do it for years and when you grow better they find another thing to drag you down with.  When they can’t find anything they just ignore you.  And here we are a year later looking back.  It’s that time of year again.  People are actually back in school.  Just like every other year really it feels like.  People can acknowledge I feel invisible but not acknowledge me personally.  That’s the whole curse of the Undercover aesthetic.  You wear it so well even the police start getting it twisted.  Nobody asks.  Nobody has the guts to approach you and treat you fairly.  And so you grow to know better than to waste you time on shit that doesn’t appreciate your value.  It’s a mind fuck for me really to understand the way forward is more of the same.  That being isolated and exiled in some way is far more safe at this point of my life.  That maybe there’s things too precious for me to share with people who can’t fathom or know the value I place on it.  Because they don’t make the sacrifices I do to keep things safe.  To be responsible and be myself at the same time.  A year ago I felt like that mad scientist locked in a lab.  I’ve done enough barbell reps to be the skinniest Hulk alive.  The title of that volume is “Or is he both?”  It’s a far different vibe from either Professor Hulk or Planet Hulk.  Bruce Banner is a transient who changes into the Hulk nightly.  He’s tracking gamma ray signatures of what he calls Walking Ghosts.  Toxic creatures exposed like a virus to gamma radiation by another scientist trying to heal his son.  Banner is trying to right a wrong and at the same time stay in control of his inner core of responsibilities.  He keeps a secret that grows out of control and finally the Hulk cannot be contained.  Interestingly enough the Hulk exacts his rage in frighteningly calculated ways.  He even speaks kindly of Banner.  He also buries the other scientist in a mountain and makes him ponder hell forever instead of ending his life.  The Hulk eventually learns about this green door through the Walking Ghosts that whisper about it in fear.  There’s no gatekeeper at that door to hold the Hulk back.  And I’m sure there’s so much more drama behind that door.  It’s only Volume two after all.  I can’t wait to find out because that’s about the only drama these days I pay attention to.  I don’t need any drama getting in the way of my love for you.  Hulk out.  <3 Tim