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keanureevesisbae · 3 years

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sugar sugar - april.

Summary: Henry is a man of many talents and Becky finds out another: book editor

Sugar Daddy!Henry Cavill x Becky Kim (asian OFC)

Warnings: There is a brief mention of daddy and anal (but not in the way you think, i promse 😂) and some period things.

Wordcount: 6k

A/N: I managed to edit this chapter, so here it is! I hope you enjoy. Also, @thelastsock thank you for helping me out! My non native English ass is very grateful for your input 😘

Masterlist // Sugar Sugar Masterlist // Previous chapter // Next chapter

April 4th 4 p.m.

The End.

As soon as I have written down those words, that means it’s done.

I finished my book.

I have yet to title it, but there are more than 80.000 words in this document, all containing the mysteries of the story I have been envisioning for so long. I wrote—if I may say so myself—quite the compelling YA mystery novel that has been living its own life in my mind for years.

I press save and lean back in my chair when I closed my laptop.

Of course I absorbed myself with the best tips on how to write a novel, but I broke a prominent one. One that I found on almost every single author platform: don’t edit while writing.

Thankfully, my rebel move allowed me to actually be satisfied with what I wrote on the first go. Because I kept perfecting each chapter after I wrote it, I continued to be in the right mindset for that chapter. That way, I wrote out what I initially wanted in the first try and I got it right when I went through it once or twice.

While my first initial next step is to send it off to a publisher straight away, I manage to restrain myself. I should show it to someone else first, get their input on it.

Genevieve hates these types of books, Viola is working on her thesis and probably doesn’t have time for this either, meaning that there is only one person left who I trust with my written words.

Henry.

After what happened to us last month, I’m sort of over my hurt and disappointment and thankfully we are back into our normal routines.

Do I still think about his gracious dick? Yes, absolutely. Do I dream about him completely ravishing me at night? All the damn time. Did Genevieve pull me into a sex shop so I had to point out the dildo that resembles Henry the most? Yep, that sure happened.

But I decided to be the bigger person here, the wise one and instead of sulking about the fact that Henry and I will probably never do this again ever, I should appreciate the fact that he felt safe enough for him to be honest with me.

However, there is still one thing that continues to run through my mind.

How long has it been for him since any of this happened? He told me on my birthday it was fifteen years ago since he last had a date. But did he ever date before that? And maybe this is shallow of me to think, but doesn’t he have needs?

Did he—for example—pay women to have sex with him? I feel like many women would do it for free honestly.

I know I would.

I push those thoughts aside and I grab my laptop as I walk towards the elevators. I barely had anything to do at the archives today and I work on my book a lot during those empty moments.

I know Henry doesn’t have any appointments right now (I have his schedule synchronized with mine, so I know when I can bother him with my presence), therefore walking up to his office, shouldn’t be a problem now.

I scan my pass and when I walk into the office after the elevator doors slid open, I see he is busy at work at his desk. Maybe he doesn’t have meetings, but he still is a business man, who has plenty to do. ‘I can come back later,’ I say, already stepping back in the elevator.

‘Nonsense, baby,’ Henry says. He looks up and smiles. ‘Come in.’

Of course I thought about calling him ‘daddy’, to see what his reaction would be. Sometimes there is a moment where I feel like that would be such a perfect moment to do so, but I simply can’t, especially because I know that it’s a pretty risky move to do without telling him.

Besides, what if he doesn’t want me to do that anymore?

I feel like our arrangement would be out of the window in no time.

I walk over to him and sit on his desk when he cleared the spot for me. ‘I finished my book,’ I say, placing my laptop on the wooden top. ‘And I kinda want you to read it.’

Henry’s eyes light up. ‘Congratulations,’ he says with a smile, ‘and about time that you are allowing me to read it.’

I roll my eyes. ‘I can still take it back, of course.’

‘No, no, no,’ he says with a chuckle. ‘I’d love to read it. I’d be honored even.’

I nod, as I look at my hands. ‘It’s just that I never had someone read anything of mine. Actually, this is the first time that I put anything on paper. Maybe I suck as a writer and then—’

‘No, don’t go there,’ he says, with a determination I can’t compete with. ‘I’ll be kind and provide you with constructive feedback. Do you want to print it out?’

‘It’s a lot of paper, Henry.’ Do I even hear myself? I let out a chuckle. ‘Like it matters. I’m sorry, that was pre arrangement Becky speaking.’

He smiles. ‘You can print it out here. There is enough ink in it.’

Henry helps me find the right printer and while the machine is working on the entire manuscript, he leans back in his office chair. ‘You have plans for tonight?’

‘I’m hanging out with Genevieve and Viola,’ I answer. ‘I think we’re going for a late night picnic.’

‘Nice. You want the driver?’

Yes, please. ‘Maybe.’

‘Is something on your mind, sweetheart?’ he asks. ‘You look a bit worried.’

‘It’s just that I’m getting in my head. Worrying about how you will hate my book and that you will regret that you ever gave me the laptop and… I don’t know.’

He gets up and stands in between my legs, placing his hands next to my thighs. It’s the first time he stands in front of me like that. I want to hook my ankles behind him, do all sorts of nasty things, but I manage to pull myself together. ‘It can be scary to let someone in on your creative work,’ he says. ‘I remember when I first showed my grandmother my design for a different type of computer. I knew she would love what I designed, but… Her opinion mattered so much to me. She paid for the supplies I needed, she always supported me, what if I sucked at it?’

It’s the first time he tells me a story like that, without me having to ask for it. I place my hands on his shoulders and ask: ‘What did she think of it?’

‘She loved it,’ he says, a smile of reminiscent on his lips. ‘She thought I was talented and actually gave me the right feedback to improve.’

‘Meaning you’ll do the same?’

He nods. ‘Exactly.’

‘Henry,’ I start, as I play with his collar. I love you a lot and I want us to put this whole sugar daddy/baby thing aside and actually get into a real relationship with each other. While I am not sure if you are up for it, I do think that you are actually considering it. There are things you do and say that make me doubt everything and it’s driving me nuts. I love you and only you. ‘Thank you for being so supportive and understanding.’

‘Of course, baby.’ He wraps his arms around me, places his chin on top of my head and lets out a content sigh. ‘Always.’

✤ ✤ ✤

‘He still hasn’t confessed his undying love for you?’ Genevieve takes a sip of her beer, shakes her head and adds: ‘That’s so fucking weird. I was and still am convinced he is into you.’

‘You and me both,’ Viola says.

I groan. ‘It’s just that he is so irresistible now. I was aware he was handsome and kind, but now… He turns hotter with the second and is even more desirable. Even when it’s obvious that he doesn’t want me.’

‘It’s weird,’ Viola says, ‘but I kinda understand.’

‘Uh, ouch?’

She rolls her eyes. ‘No, not like that. You are absolutely gorgeous and I don’t think he doesn’t want you. What I think is that his youth, his family situation and the way he grew up, is part of his uncertainty about all of this. You told us he barely dated and that his last date was fifteen years ago. This man isn’t used to having someone around him. Besides, he wanted a sugar baby, not someone he would develop a close friendship slash relationship with like he has with you. I think this entire situation is scaring him.’

‘But he specifically told me that we’re never doing that again.’

Genevieve nods. ‘Well, he will come around eventually.’

‘But what if eventually is too late then?’ I ask them.

She shrugs. ‘I don’t know,’ Genevieve says. ‘But, at least you can say that you sucked a multi millionaire’s dick on an airplane.’

I groan. Leave it to her to say something in that direction. ‘Why are you saying it like that?’ I ask her.

‘Because that is really awesome,’ Viola butts in. ‘I mean, imagine if you weren’t interrupted. Then you could say you had sex in a jacuzzi with a multi millionaire.’

‘Can we just skip this subject?’ I ask. ‘Pretty please?’

‘Sure,’ they say, but at that exact moment my phone beeps and I see Henry send me a reminder that we’re going shopping on the sixth. ‘Look at that smile. I swear, Beck, if you just confess to the man that you are in love with him, maybe he would realize that you two are perfect for each other, that you two should get married and have tons of kids.’

‘Oh,’ Viola interrupts Genevieve, ‘can you imagine how cute their babies would look like?’

‘Guys, guys, guys,’ I say, ‘stop right there.’

What made me think they would even listen to me? ‘How many kids did you want again, Becky?’ Genevieve asks. ‘I thought it was at least four.’

While they are talking about Henry and I literally doing it like bunnies in order to get pregnant, baby names and whether or not they should become godmothers, I look over my shoulder to a couple nearby. It’s obvious they are in love, in that disgusting honeymoon phase and it makes me slightly jealous.

Of course do I think about the future and in the last few months, my visions of that would include Henry. A lot of Henry even. It’s the way he looks at me, he touches me and talks to me that makes my mind go in overdrive.

I can imagine him being extremely protective over his pregnant wife, even more so than he already was before. Him starting to work more from home, simply to be with her and the kids. Him being the supportive husband that would join her to those birthing classes. Him talking to the baby bump. Him spoiling their children rotten.

While I first was part of those dreams, the woman next to him now turns faceless. It’s not me anymore.

Oh gosh, this is depressing.

I take a sip of my beer and sigh deeply, trying not to drown in self pity. I look at my screen and decide to type back a message.

Becky: What are we buying?

Henry: I was thinking a new television for you

Becky: Why?

Henry: Just because 😉

I can’t help but smile. Maybe I should just let this be our agreement. Maybe I shouldn’t dream about Henry in my future, but just enjoy what we have now.

‘Okay bitches,’ I say to my friends. ‘Another subject, please.’

‘I agree,’ Viola says.

Genevieve nods. ‘What do you guys think about anal sex?’

‘Gen!’

April 6th 2 p.m.

Henry and I walk passed the different types of televisions in the store. To me they all seem the exact same, but Henry is really going for it, checking the description of each and every single one of them, apparently comparing them to each other.

I don’t get it. I can’t even see the difference. I’m nearly giving up on this entire shopping trip. I honestly don’t even care for a new television, but it’s a promise he made me when I moved into the apartment. I got an old one of his company and while that one works fine to me, he isn’t satisfied with it.

I am willing to just leave the store empty handed, but then my eye falls on a smaller one. It still looks like a cinema screen to me, but compared to the rest, it’s on the smaller side. I stare at the pink edges and even the remote is blush pink!

I walk over to that specific television and crouch down in front of it.

This is my dream, packed up in a television. Sure, I still think I don’t need a new television, that it’s a waste of money anyways, but seeing this one, I realize I cannot possibly leave the store without this one.

‘I should’ve known,’ Henry chuckles, when he stands behind me. ‘You like this one, sweetheart?’

‘I do,’ I say, looking up. ‘You want to buy this one for me?’

He tilts his head, not so sure really. ‘It’s not the best quality, though.’

‘I don’t care,’ I say, standing up again. ‘It’s pink, that’s all I need. If you don’t buy it for me, I’ll do it myself.’

‘No, no, no, you’re not doing that,’ he quickly says. ‘I’ll get it for you, baby.’ He signals to one of the employees that he wants this one, before placing his hand on my back. ‘This fits your apartment perfectly.’

‘Right?’ I chuckle. ‘Thank you for buying it for me.’

‘Of course. That’s what I do.’

And that’s solely what you do.

Henry takes the box from the employee, flashing him a friendly smile, before the two of us walk towards the register. The television is around six hundred bucks, but I’m getting used to the rich life style. I know that this is nothing for Henry and with what I have on my bank account, it’s nothing for me either.

Who could’ve know that this would happen to me.

I wrap my fingers around his sleeve, since I notice it’s a bit crowded outside. He looks back and smiles, grabbing my hand, in order to keep me close. When we’re back in the car, Henry tells me he’ll help me install it.

‘What are you gonna do with the other one?’

He shrugs. ‘Thought I might take it to a secondhand shop or something,’ he says.

‘Can I give it to Viola?’ I ask him. ‘Viola and her boyfriend don’t have tv anymore. since theirs broke.’

‘You don’t need to ask that,’ he says in a soft tone. ‘Of course you can give it to them.’

I lean back in the chair and wonder what goes on in his mind. He seems tired and that makes him appear older. Maybe he is coming around about us (not me hoping for that). ‘Are you okay?’ I ask him.

‘Yes, sweetheart, just a bit tired.’

We drive back to our apartment building and when we’re at my place, he starts to unplug my old television, while I sit on the couch and I stare at him. He takes off his jacket and now he is only wearing a t-shirt with short sleeves, one that totally and completely accentuates his arms.

He must do this on purpose.

‘Do you need help?’

‘No,’ he says. ‘Okay wait, I do need your help.’

I push myself up from the couch and when I’m next to him, he tells me to plug in a few cables. He looks over the screen and guides me as I plug hem in. ‘Here?’ I ask him.

‘Yes there,’ he says. ‘You’re doing great.’

Once I’m done, he pulls me up and together we check if I did it right. Henry has his hand on my shoulder and I lean against his strong body. ‘It’s cute,’ he says, as he is flipping through the channels. ‘Tiny though. You still sure you want this one?’

‘I’m one hundred percent sure,’ I say with a chuckle. ‘I think I have the box somewhere, so we can pack the other.’

I grab the right box from underneath my bed and Henry places the television in it. With the other television packed, he says: ‘I’ll be right back, okay?’

‘Okay,’ I say, with a slight frown. I walk towards my window, stare outside and wait for him to arrive. Wonder what he is doing now. Another gift?

‘I read your entire manuscript,’ Henry says, walking back in.

My heart stops beating for a few seconds, before it starts to painfully pound inside my chest. Okay, he must’ve despised it, I think to myself. He is wondering why on earth I even have ambitions to become an other. ‘Oh.’

He sits down at my dining table and ushers me over. ‘Come here,’ he says and when I’m near him, he pulls me on his lap. ‘I absolutely loved it, baby,’ he says. ‘You’re so talented.’

What? I’m talented? ‘Really?’

‘Yes, sweetheart, it was amazing. Now of course, I’m not an editor, however I am an avid reader and I enjoyed it. It was fast paced, funny and thrilling. There were a few things I think require some editing, but other than that… I absolutely loved it.’

This shouldn’t make me teary eyed. This absolutely shouldn’t.

However it does. My emotions have been all over the place the last few weeks (it has to do with the person whose lap I’m sitting on).

‘No, no, no,’ Henry quickly says, ‘don’t cry, baby.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Come here, come here,’ he says, pulling me in a tight hug. I bury my face in his neck, as I wrap my arms around his shoulders. ‘It’s scary,’ he whispers, ‘showing people your creative outlet.’

I simply nod.

‘It’s okay,’ he tries to sooth me.

I let out a slightly nervous chuckle as I pull back. ‘I’m sorry, this is totally too much of a reaction.’

‘No, I understand.’ He lets out a soft sigh and then says: ‘Showing something this personal can be scary, but I’m so glad you trusted me.’

I smile. ‘Of course.’

‘You know,’ he then says, ‘I know a guy in publishing. Maybe, after you read through it a couple more times, I can give him a call. See what he can do.’

I’m absolutely speechless. He wants to do what for me now? ‘What?’

‘I can give him a call, eventually. But maybe you and I should make ourselves a cup of coffee and talk about the feedback I wrote down.’

I nod. ‘I’ll think about it, thank you,’ I say. ‘I’ll make some coffee.’ I jump off his lap and walk towards the kitchen. I bite my lip and realize that I might become a published author. I mean, Henry loved it and he would actually tell me if it sucked or not. I am sure about that.

I look over my shoulder and see that Henry is already looking at me. He smiles and reassuringly says: ‘Don’t you worry, sweetheart, I loved it.’

April 11th 8 a.m.

‘Good morning Henry, I brought coffee,’ I say, as I walk into Henry’s penthouse. ‘I know you said you wanted hazelnut flavor, but I wanted caramel and I accidentally was selfish and only ordered two caramel.’ When I enter the living room area, I see him pacing back and forth. ‘What’s wrong?’ I ask.

‘Nothing, sweetheart,’ he says, as he stops walking. ‘Nothing for you to worry about.’

The fact that he tells me not to worry about it, causes me instantly to be concerned. ‘You seem nervous. Sure there’s nothing wrong?’ I ask, placing the coffee cups on the coffee table.

He lets out a sigh. ‘I have an interview.’

‘Oh sweet,’ I say. ‘Or isn’t it?’

‘It’s my first interview in three years.’

I pull him with me on the couch. ‘I bet you’ll do great.’

Henry rubs his face. ‘But what if someone asks me about you?’ he asks. ‘I know not much is known about my private life, but I’m scared they’ll somehow figured out about you and ask about it. I don’t want to put you in the spotlight like that.’

‘I appreciate that,’ I say and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. He is concerned about me, meaning he cares. ‘If someone miraculously knows about me, say I’m a well loved employee of yours.’ I place my hand on his cheek and add: ‘Don’t worry too much.’

‘Come here,’ he says, wrapping his thick arm around my waist, pulling me closer to his body. I can’t help but enjoy being engulfed in his embrace. As I place my head against his chest, I feel his fingers running through my hair. ‘I shouldn’t worry,’ he says, ‘I know that.’

‘No, no, none of that,’ I tell him. ‘You should tell me how you feel.’ I close my eyes, as I play with his tie. ‘Can’t you just cancel?’

‘I have been thinking about that, it’s just that… I should’ve done that earlier.’

‘Why are you even doing an interview anyways?’

‘Freddy,’—his assistant—‘insisted on that.’ He lets out a soft laugh. ‘Can’t believe I got that punk talk me into this.’

I pull back and smile. ‘You don’t think he is a punk. You think he is sweet.’

Henry smiles back, before pulling me on his lap and I can’t hide my blush. He grabs our coffees from the smaller table and takes a sip. ‘Shame it’s caramel.’

‘Shut up,’ I chuckle. ‘By the way, Henry, remember: you don’t have to answer. No matter what they ask, you can plead the fifth.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Stop getting in your head,’ I say, holding his chin. ‘Promise me.’

He chuckles. ‘I promise.’

After I drank my coffee, I tell Henry I have to go, because I have a nail appointment (yes, I’m living that kind of bouche lifestyle now) and he walks me all the way to the ground floor, though I tell him that’s not even necessary. He even suggests that I can take the car and driver, but I simply shake my head and tell him that it’s literally a ten minute walk.

‘So, break a leg,’ I say to Henry. ‘And don’t worry too much. You are intelligent, you are kind and if someone mentions me, I’m a well loved employee and don’t mention me having access to your office.’

He nods. ‘Will do. And you be careful, okay?’

‘I always do.’ I flash him one more smile, before I walk out of the place. I turn around, wave at him and chuckle.

See, I can do this. I can be helpful to him, without us having to develop feelings for one another. This is what friends do. Friends are kind to each other, supportive and give each other words of encouragement.

And that’s what we can be, what we can become.

✤ ✤ ✤

Henry: It went well

Becky: See, I told you it would go well!

Henry: Yeah, you were right

Becky: Like I usually am 💁🏻‍♀️

Henry: Check your bank account, baby

Becky: Henry…

Henry: You’ll like it, I promise

H. Cavill transferred $650 to your bank account.

Description: You’re the kindest, sweetheart.

Becky: 😒 😒 😒

Henry: One usually says thank you

Becky: I have something for you

Becky: 🖕🏼

Henry: 😮

Becky: 😘

Henry: 😘

April 16th 10 a.m.

Period cramps when you’re already on your period just hit different. I’ve had my fair share of cramps, but these are on another level. For a few long moments I think I am actually in labor, but then I realize I didn’t have sex nine months ago. I actually think I didn’t have sex for two years, so pregnancy is off the table and it’s just severe period pain.

I’m curled up on the couch, while I watch movies and cry whenever something is even remotely emotional. It has been quite a while since I felt like this and I can conclude I haven’t missed this at all.

I hear three knocks on the door and with a groan I get up from the couch, I stumble towards the door and when I open it, I’m met with a confused looking Henry. ‘What’s wrong, sweetheart?’

‘I’m on my period,’ I mumble.

‘Oh,’ he says with a frown, ‘that’s too bad. You have a hot water bottle?’

I shrug. ‘Well, I do have one, but I’m too scared to make those. I’m afraid I’ll burn myself., because that seems like something I would do.’

He nods. ‘You go sit on the couch. I’ll make one for you.’ He walks in and I curl myself back up on the couch. I hear him boiling water in the kitchen and it doesn’t take long before he gets back. ‘I didn’t know if you were in the mood for something salty or sweet, so I brought both,’ he says, placing a bowl with chips and a chocolate bar on the coffee table. He places the hot water bottle on my stomach and asks if I want tea or coffee.

‘I want hugs,’ I mumble.

He smiles. ‘Can be arranged.’

I sit up and he gets on the couch. He leans against the armrest with his back and I position myself between his legs, placing my head on his chest. ‘Thank you.’

‘Of course.’

‘I hate that I’m being punished for not being pregnant.’

He chuckles. ‘That’s quite unfair indeed.’ He places the blanket a bit better over me and pulls me closer to him, his hand pushed underneath my shirt as he places it in the dip of my waist. ‘Want something?’

‘Chocolate.’

He leans over and grabs the chocolate bar. He already breaks it into pieces and brings one to my lips.

We watch the movie and it all goes well, until it feels like my uterus is actively trying to exit my body. I groan, as I squirm in his arms. And not the good type squirm.

Boy, do I wish it was the good type of squirm.

‘Did you take a painkiller yet?’ Henry asks.

‘Yes,’ I growl, ‘I just have to wait another three hours or so before I can take the next one.’ I sit up straight and take a deep breath, but the pain isn’t subduing at all.

Henry places his thumbs on my lower back and gently massages exactly where I need it the most. ‘Is this okay?’

I nod. ‘Yes.’ I wipe my tears away and whisper: ‘Thank you.’

‘Of course.’

The pain finally starts to drift away and I grab his wrists, before leaning back against his chest and wrapping his arms around me. ‘I take that it’s better now.’

‘It is,’ I say. ‘How do you know exactly what I need?’

He doesn’t answer, but he simply places his hand on top of mine, our fingers intertwining. ‘Instinct, I guess,’ he then whispers. ‘You go sleep, sweetheart, I’ll be right here.’

✤ ✤ ✤

When I wake up, it’s five hours later since I last checked the clock and I’m not on the couch anymore, but in my bed. I look around me and see there is no sight of Henry. On my nightstand, I see a glass of water, some painkillers and a note.

He is so damn thoughtful. I see he left a note for me and after I took the painkillers, I grab the note.

Becky: You are amazing

Becky: Thank you for everything

I wonder if he even has time for me and if he is gonna respo—

Henry: Not a single problem, baby 😘

April 25th 11 a.m.

‘I’m taking you driving today,’ Henry tells me when I open the door the next morning. Thankfully I’m already dressed and ready for the day we were going to spend together. I just figured we’d go for lunch or shopping.

Not driving?

I frown. ‘What? No, what if anyone sees?’

He smiles. ‘No no, I thought of that. I made sure I found a place no one can see you.’

‘Henry,’ I say, already putting on my jacket and grabbing my purse, ‘you drive manual. I’ve heard that shit is hard.’

He nods. ‘I know, but if you learn driving in a manual, that’ll only be beneficial for you later on. I guarantee.’

‘You sure?’ I ask him. ‘I don’t want to wreck your car.’

‘You’re not gonna wreck my car, Becky,’ he says, holding out his hand for me to take, after I closed the door behind me. ‘Besides, I truly think you should learn how to drive.’

‘I don’t want weekly lessons. Not from you, not from anyone.’

‘I’m not going to force you, but it’s nice to at least get a bit familiar in the car.’ He smiles as he squeezes my hand. ‘I promise you, it’ll go fine.’

The two of us get in his Range Rover and he starts the car.‘Place your hand on the stick,’ he says.

‘Why?’

‘So we can practice with shifting gears. No worries, I’ll help you.’

I carefully place my hand on the stick and Henry places his on top of mine. ‘Since I just started driving,’ he says, ‘I’m at one. I’m going to push in one of the pedals here, before I move up to the two, okay?’

‘Okay,’ I say.

Judging from the flexing of his thigh, he pushes in the pedal and together we shift from the one to the two. ‘Very good,’ he says.

‘Henry, I barely did anything,’ I chuckle.

‘Allow me to give you compliments, Becky,’ he says with a smile.

Henry drives to a secluded place, where we have space enough to drive around a bit, without people watching. He continues to hold my hand and every now and then, we shift together.

He pushes his chair back, pats his lap and says: ‘Come here.’

My eyes enlarge. ‘What?’ I ask him. ‘Why?’

‘So you can have a feeling of driving,’ he says, ‘without actually driving.’

I unbuckle my seatbelt and sit on his lap. He lowers the seat a bit and places one hand on my thigh, while the other rests on the stick. I remember when I was younger, I would sit in the back of the car, while my sister Celine could drive with dad, sitting on his lap and driving just like this.

I sure missed out on a lot.

‘Okay, don’t you worry,’ Henry says, placing his chin on my shoulder. ‘You only worry about steering and then we’ll shift gears together.’

I can barely function like this, however as Henry starts up the car and together we shift, the car goes forward and I hold the wheel, trying to keep the car straight.

‘Turn right,’ Henry says, after we drove straight forward for a while.

‘Now?’

‘Yes now.’

I turn too sharply, because the two of us nearly tumble over.

‘Careful, careful,’ Henry says, placing his hand on the wheel, to help me not to steer too sharp and uncoordinated. ‘There you go,’ he says with a chuckle. ‘You’re doing okay.’

‘Okay is not good,’ I say. ‘I’m still very glad we’re secluded. I’d die of embarrassment if someone saw this.’

Henry starts to laugh. ‘You are doing great.’

We continue to drive like this and at one point, I don’t need Henry’s hand anymore to shift gears and minus the pedal thing (I can’t reach), I’m doing it all by myself.

Not gonna lie, I quite enjoy this.

‘You are doing great,’ he says, squeezing my side. ‘I’m proud of you.’

‘Thanks daddy,’ I say, only quickly realizing what I did. What have I done? Not me totally and severely panicking right now. I’m sitting on his lap for crying out loud. ‘Oh shit, pretend I didn’t say that. Forget it right now!’

Our eyes meet as I look over my shoulder. ‘Did you just call me daddy?’ he asks.

When he says it like that, it’s even worse. I get off his lap and while I sit on the passengers seat, I say: ‘Don’t repeat it, please. This is absolutely mortifying. I really shouldn’t have called you that.’

He cocks an eyebrow. ‘Why not?’

‘Henry!’ I exclaim. ‘This is no where near bedroom setting and I can’t call you that outside of those types of activities. Besides, we don’t even engage in those types of activities. I’m just glad that we are getting back to normal again and look at this: I’m calling you daddy. This is so embarrassing. I wanna die. I’m just getting out and stand over there, so you can hit me with your car.’

He chuckles. ‘Okay, take it easy, drama queen. It’s not that I mind. Took you long enough to say it.’

I let out a laugh, but I don’t know if that is just simply to mask my embarrassment. ‘Of course you would say it like that,’ I say. ‘I don’t even know where this came from. I’m so sorry.’

‘Don’t,’ he says. ‘It’s quite funny and once again: I didn’t mind.’

‘Can we forget it and go home?’

He nods. ‘You want to drive?’

I glare at him. ‘Not funny.’

He chuckles. ‘I’ll drive us home, baby.’

✤ ✤ ✤

When we walk back in our apartment building, the receptionist hands me a large box. ‘For you, miss Kim.’

‘Oh thanks,’ I say with a smile. I look up to Henry and say: ‘I ordered some clothes. You want to see?’

He nods. ‘Of course, baby,’ he says with a smile. He pulls the box out of my hands, so he can hold it and he wraps his arm around my shoulders.

After the daddy incident, we haven’t spoken about it (thankfully) and we simply decided to move passed the unfortunate event.

I’m so not gonna tell Viola and Genevieve about this embarrassing slip up.

We walk into my apartment and though I shouldn’t feel self conscious about the way I look (he saw me partially naked), I still hide in my bedroom when I’m changing outfits. I show him the dress I bought, a pair of jeans and a white crop top and he approves every single one of those clothing pieces.

But the last entire outfit is my favorite.

My skirt and matching crop top are both in a blush pink color and I even ordered some white boots to match with it. ‘And?’ I ask Henry, as I twirl around.

‘I love it, you look absolutely beautiful,’ he says, as he stands up with a smile. ‘This is my favorite look.’

‘Yeah?’ I ask him. Desperate for some more validation from him, I add: ‘It is?’

‘It is,’ he confirms. He walks towards me, takes my hands in his and whispers: ‘I have to apologize.’

‘Why?’

‘I’m trying, Becky,’ he says in a soft tone, ‘but I’m not trying hard enough.’

I tilt my head, as I still don’t understand what he is on about. ‘Henry, I don’t get it.’

‘I don’t want to hurt you, but I am.’

Oh… ‘It’s okay.’

He shakes his head. ‘It’s not okay. I’m so sorry.’

I pull my hands from his and wrap my arms around him. ‘Don’t work yourself up,’ I say. I can’t take this anymore. ‘It’s all okay. I’m just glad that you told me about your feelings and how you are looking at the matter. Just…’ Let me know when that changes, so we can have more sexual rendezvous. ‘Don’t forget I am always here for you.’

#henry cavill #henry cavill x ofc #henry cavill x oc #henry cavill x asian ofc #henry cavill x becky kim #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill fandom #sugar daddy!henry cavill #sugar sugar #becky kim #asian ofc

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senju-sekhmet · 3 years

Text

The Leash (Part 1)

Summary: Your rescue was supposed to be as smooth as these missions can be. However very quickly, Tobirama faces off against an enemy that has no form, color or smell - and time is running short, very fast. Unless he figures out what truly holds you hostage, your life will be lost. Warnings (for the finished work): Blood, illness, descriptions of heavy injuries and graphic violence, torture (both depicted and implied), needles, morally grey territory, human experimentation, panic attacks, character death ~6800 words (this chapter, finished work: 80.000) Disclaimer below the cut!

DISCLAIMER! This is a purely self-indulgent work I didn’t think I’d publish anywhere - but ultimately, if just one other person enjoyed this, it’d be worth it, right?. However, all of this is catering entirely to what I was feeling at the time of writing this (I’m the biggest sucker for hurt/comfort). It’s fairly possible the plot seems short on breath at times and even confusing because to me it just… made sense. I had a string of scenes I wanted to write and so I did, if that makes sense.

Now for a more technical thing - I took a fair amount of liberty with all the ‘lore’ that is offered in the original work. I’m a huge high/fantasy fan and I believe you’ll notice with how chakra is used here. Also my personal headcanons for Tobirama, uh-huh. There is gonna be SCIENCE… and science-y work… uh-huuuuh... _______________ He practically flew past the trees. His heart pounded in his ears, but it wasn't exhaustion. What fuelled his movements was sheer desperation. And ire. Ice-cold fury burning against those that had taken from him what was amongst the most precious beings in his life. How could he have allowed for this to happen? If only he had paid closer attention. If only he had been there with you, he'd have prevented this, he'd have protected you - such thoughts were futile now. He wouldn't dwell on them anyhow, he was too consumed with ending the increasingly despairing search for you. They would come back at him later no doubt, but Tobirama would devote every single fiber of his very being to bringing you back to safety. Though he tried not to think of it - he knew, they hardly kept you in a cell only. It only made his blood boil more. The news of your MIA-status had hit him nearly like the death of his brothers had, many years ago. Beneath his feet, the floor had been ripped away for a moment, a punch to the gut that left him breathless. His love, in the hands of an enemy village that was not known for treating prisoners kindly. Your high status in Konoha no doubt aggravated the situation. A woke mind like Tobirama's would paint a gruesome picture of the fate that might befall you, and his stomach roiled. The cruel logic behind the action, the tactical approach - something he himself might have thought of. That made it worse. "We will find her," Hashirama had assured him, placing a hand on his shoulder. His gaze had fixated on his brother. He clenched his teeth. "Of course we will - I will not rest until she's back here, anija," he had replied, no, growled. A fierce promise which he intended to keep, no matter what. Hashirama was unfazed by the sincerity of the statement. "Neither will I," he promised. Then his brows had knitted in a way Tobirama did not like at all. His brother was about to say something of which he thought Tobirama might not appreciate it. "She is strong, Tobira-", "I know she is," he snapped back at him, "But she will not suffer for a second longer than she has to." Hashirama closed his eyes. "No, she will not." That had been weeks ago, now. Weeks in which Tobirama's desperation had grown by each passing day. Silently he had wondered if he had ever been in more distress to accomplish a mission before. He'd have to go with no. And progress was agonizingly slow. The enemy knew well to hide their traces, and even for his superior sensor skills, the trail was faint. Barely a whisper in the lush forests of the north-west parts Fire country. The sheer difficulty of the task made him almost balk. Almost. The truth was it worried him. He never found himself deteriorating himself in any way before, even when his own life had hung in the balance. The higher the stakes, the more collected he was. But now? Now he felt he was racing against a clock. And time was running out. For even your beautifully strong mind might break eventually. And he knew what happens to enemies that have no use anymore. The thought choked him at night. To never hold your warm body against his anymore - No. He would succeed. They had picked up on their trail, finally. He clenched his teeth. They would not get away. Tobirama just needed a single thread to unravel this knot and then follow it through the labyrinth, back to you. He rose a hand to bring the squad to a halt - composed of his brother and a couple of experienced jonin of the village, all long-standing comrades. Some even from the warring states period. He closed his eyes to touch the ground and send a pulse of chakra through the area, letting his sensor abilities give him an overview of the signatures in the area. Besides the overwhelming presence of his brother right next to him as well as the far more mute team members around, all he found was animals. Except - "To the east." His voice was devoid of anything except steely urgency.He didn't even look back to check if everyone kept in formation as they followed him. Finely tuned sensory skills had locked in on his target; an unknown chakra signature. Humanoid. In an area where no travellers should pass for there were no connecting roads, no villages to visit. It was what had led them here initially: traces of chakra where there should be none. You were here. Tobirama just knew. If only he had branded you with the hiraishin seal. A regret that festered in his heart in a most painful way. How careless. How stupid. He shoved it aside for later. It was useless now. They enclosed around the signature that soon proved to be not just humanoid, but human indeed. Naturally, they wouldn't give up on the element of surprise. And there still was a slight chance this might just be a civilian. A child, even. Tobirama didn't believe that. Maybe he didn't want to. But as soon as they had a line of sight on the target, walking on a narrow path in the woods - he just knew. This was a Hidden Stone Village Spy. No doubt scouting for any intruders near their hideout. Where they kept you. Tobirama bristled with white-hot rage as soon as the target was in viewing range. Almost, he directly lunged for the man dressed in inconspicuous, earthen-colored clothes. Almost. The team had spread around, hidden in the trees. Hashirama beat him to hailing the stranger. "Greetings," he announced amicably, arms spread, trademark smile. How he was still like this was beyond Tobirama. As gingerly as the First approached, as stormy his brother followed - scowling in such a condemning way the man flinched away. "G-greetings," he stuttered, eyes trained on Tobirama who was well aware of what he looked like now. Good. Let that man be scared. He well should be. His armor clanked as he crossed his arms in front of his chest, eyes narrowed to slits, assessing. "May I ask, what brings a man such as yourself to this remote area of the Fire country?", Hashirama inquired, ever friendly, slowly enclosing. "H-herbs," the man was quick to answer, still not looking away from Tobirama. Damn, that answer was sensible - almost. "Is that so? Then where are your gathering utensils? Bag? Or did you intend to rip it all out with your bare hands and stuff your pants full of it all?", Tobirama spat back, the undertone of his voice a perfectly fine, icy growl. Hashirama turned around to give his brother an incredulous gaze. Tobirama snorted. As if that was the worst he had ever said. The logic of his argument was sound nonetheless."I-I-I h-h-have t-t-them o-o-o-ver t-t-there," the man stammered, backing off slowly, lip quivering. He pointed to the trees - where some of the team hid. Perfect, Tobirama figured. Hashirama threw both hands up immediately in an apologetic manner. "Oh, don't worry, please! You must excuse my brother," he approached the man slowly, much like a one would a startled animal. The stranger wasn't swayed. He kept backing off. Then, he started to make a run. That was all the confirmation he needed. Immediately, Tobirama snatched a branded kunai from his satchel and threw it after the man with full force, uncaring if it might hit him - and a second later, the world lurched and he landed right beside him, where the weapon had buried itself in the ground. Swiftly, he tackled the man into the side, sending him off balance and into the ground. Another few finger signals later, a shadow clone of his had picked his target up, restraining his arms behind his back with one hand and securing the head with the other. "Tobirama!", Hashirama called out, no longer bothering to hide his fury. Already, he began to run over. Tobirama ignored him. "Search the area he pointed at for gathering utensils!", he shouted, seemingly at nowhere. Then his scarlet gaze was back on the man in front of him, arms crossing in front of his chest again. "Pray they find them," he spat. With a deep sigh and a shake of his head, Hashirama came to a halt next to him. "There was no need to-" "Shut up!", Tobirama didn't even spare him a glance. His brother sighed again, now in full kicked-puppy mode. Tobirama's anger flared again. He had no time for these antics. They needed to interrogate this man, now, and then continue with the information. "Lord Hokage!", a call echoed through the forest. Tobirama's head snapped around. One of the jonin returned. Kaori held up a satchel - but her mien was grave. A chill ran down Tobirama's spine. Had he made a mistake? His gaze swayed to the man who started to squirm against his clone's vice hold, earning him only a more bruising treatment. "What's in there?", he demanded immediately, ignoring the fact she had addressed Hashirama, actually. She turned the bag upside down, pouring the contents on the ground. Kunai, flares, paper bombs. Tobirama's heartbeat thrummed in his ears. He took a decisive step towards the man who suddenly had become very still. Hashirama backed off. Wisely. "Start talking. Now." A dangerous undercurrent leaked into his icy tone. The man stared back, defiantly. "Fine." Tobirama's patience had worn out. He was by no means a master of interrogation techniques - but he knew ways to amplify the intensity of a mental assault. He'd have no qualms using every bit of his ability on this person. Already, his clone was moving the man towards one of the trees. Brutally, he wrestled both arms above his head while pinning him against the trunk. Tobirama meanwhile had picked up the branded kunai he had thrown after the stranger earlier. When his clone had both palms aligned over one another he rammed the blade through the flesh. A scream accompanied the sickening crunch as steel forced itself past the metacarpal bones. Blood trickled down the arms of the man whose eyes were wide now. Behind Tobirama, his brother and the squad had gathered at a respectable distance. They didn't say a word. Either they didn't dare, or they had accepted one of them had to take up the tainting burden of the acts that were to follow. Tobirama didn't care at all for that. His mien was ice-cold, his glare as threatening as his intent towards the poor victim. He let his clone disappear. His hand slapped down on the man's scalp, closing his eyes. His chakra wound through the man's network like a snake in prey's den. Viciously, the man fought back, but the pain he had inflicted disrupted his focus. Good. Tobirama focused his own chakra to assault the vault with the information he desperately needed - the mind. Distantly, he heard a loud, anguished scream. A shudder went through the whole of the network, another attempt to buck the intruder off and out of his mind. Tobirama clenched his teeth. Already, he knew the man's chakra reserve was far inferior to his own - he might as well be able to simply overpower him much in a way that might best be described as metaphorical curb stomping. But that bore the risk of impairing the information stored in his mind. Very well, then. He reached into his satchel, procuring a second kunai. The man barely had time to register what Tobirama was doing before the weapon buried itself in his right forearm, hailed by another anguished scream that rang through an eerily calm forest. Tobirama stared him dead in the eye with a glance devoid of any emotion as he gave the weapon, nicely lodged between radius and ulna, a twist. A snap was heard. The scream intensified - then it broke off. The man huffed. "I won't tell you anything!", he shouted, panting, face red by the blood that was dripping down. "How very wrong you are." Tobirama sounded perfectly dejected, raising his hand again to once more assault the man's mind. Who laughed in reply."You think that will make me break?", he spat, "You'll never get that bitch back!" He threw his head back, laughing. Tobirama closed his eyes. His head was swimming with white-hot rage. In a moment of weakness, his mind painted deliciously cruel ways in which he might harm this man, kill him even - ways so despicable that for a moment, he was disgusted by himself, even. Distantly, surprised he’d stoop so low. They were just thoughts, anyway. Yet his body became numb besides ire and every fiber of his being felt like bellowing his rage at this man while he mangled his body beyond recognition for the sheer mention of you. "What you're doing to me is a joke compared to what we do to her, day in, day out," he continued then, finishing with the audacity to spit at Tobirama's white fur collar. "Oh, shit," he heard Kaori mumble behind him. Not a second later, Tobirama raised his leg and kicked with full force against the left thigh of the man, aiming for the femur. The snap was audible, the pain amplified by the way he sacked against the impaling hold of the kunai above his head. The scream was harrowing. But Tobirama wasn't finished. He raised his leg again. The right femur snapped just like the left one had, the howls of the man becoming incoherent screams of anguish, paused only by gasping for breath. Cruelly, the kunai had begun to further cut open his palms and his forearm as his legs wouldn't hold his body's weight anymore due to sheer pain. "Tobirama," a voice called out to him. Hashirama. His tone carried a warning. He didn't have the information yet. He needed the information first. He needed to know where you were. Now. With his heart hammering in his chest, he raised his arm again and grabbed the man's scalp again. This time, his assault was different than the first time. Not a pointed stab of chakra after winding his way through his network - this time, Tobirama let his presence suffocate the man from the inside. His network was a mess anyway - the pain was heavily impairing his control of his chakra now and Tobirama's own gargantuan chakra moved over his like a cruel invader, sparing no mercy for how mentally painful this was to him, how he must feel like being suffocated from the inside out by someone else. Distantly, the screams had picked up again. Tobirama let his chakra encircle around the man's mind; the brain - then he pulled closer. And closer. The man must have felt like someone was sawing his skull open. A few more seconds - then it was over. The fight inside stilled completely, and his victim had given in and him free reign to access every memory of the man. A millisecond later, Tobirama halted his assault and began to assess the information. Instantly, Tobirama knew this man's name was Akio, he was the youngest member of the newly formed Hidden Stone village's espionage team. He tossed that aside quickly to rip open the figurative drawer that held all the information about this mission. He knew, then. He knew it all. Where you were kept - what they had done to you. Well, all that Akio knew of. He wasn't one of the interrogators. Through his memories, he saw your face. Anguished, gaunt. But defiant. Alive. There was time, yet. Even though these memories made Tobirama tremble. It hit him with a force that nearly knocked the air out of his lungs simply for how heart-wrenching it was. He opened his eyes again to find the man limp against the bloodied tree. He gazed at his own palm, balling it to a fist. It shook. His heartbeat was all he heard. All of himself was entirely stiff and still from the sheer, utter rage that had completely become him. Again and again, the Akio's memories thrummed through Tobirama's skull, and with them, your screams of pain, your anguish, your whimpers of pain. Slowly, the scarlet eyes settled on the sorry excuse of an enemy in front of him. He didn't feel a shred of pity- "Tobirama!", a stern voice ripped him out of the tunnel of his emotions. His head turned to find Hashirama next to him now. "Enough, brother," he said - no, commanded. His hand had gripped Tobirama's wrist. Slowly, the fires of ire within were simmering down if just by the calming presence of his brother. Objectivity returned to Tobirama's mind, piece by piece. But no shred of regret. Or disgust. Objective accomplished. That he knew. "You have the information, no?", Hashirama pushed again, not letting up on the unmistakable sternness of his own tone. "I do." Tobirama's own voice was calm, collected. In a grotesque contrast to the atrocity he had just committed. In fact, clarity was settling in - his focus restored, though haunted. Perfectly in control, but still driven by desperate urgency. If anything, said urgency had kicked up a notch now.He had his target now. "Kaori, Daichi," Hashirama called, nodding for Akio. "Stabilise him and take him as prisoner back to Konoha." They confirmed their order and began their work. Tobirama turned around, not sparing the man another look. Luckily he also knew the enemy's numbers and their capabilities, roughly, from Akio's memories. They'd be no match for him and his brother, let alone with their jonin as backup. Soon, you'd be safe again. __________ The hideout was - befitting for shinobi of the Hidden Stone village - underground. Concealed so well that without the information coerced out of Akio, it would have been impossible to find. Tobirama had to give them that. But now they did not just know where it was located, but also how to get in without setting one of the deadly traps they had laced each of the two entries with. Smart. Akio had also been so generous to provide them with a mental map of the place, of course - functional it was, a narrow corridor, just a couple of rooms. Sleeping and living quarters, a weapons and supply chamber which also seemed to serve as a tactical planning room - and finally, the place Tobirama felt physically drawn to. The interrogation chamber. Adjoined, a holding cell fitted to be bereft of any chakra. Just another form of sensory deprivation. He could barely restrain himself from rushing in there full force and eliminate any obstacle in his way. He knew in this very moment, this very second, you were down there, suffering - and the thought wound around his chest and squeezed until his breaths came uneven and his heart stuttered. Until he believed to be in physical pain. But Tobirama also knew how precarious the situation was. The team had gathered at a respectful distance to discuss their plan. Time was running short. They soon would search for Akio, and if they so much as caught a whiff of their presence, you'd slip from his grasp again as they’d flee. Or worse, they might kill you. Tobirama would sooner die himself than allow for that to happen - the mere notion let the blood freeze in his veins. At the very least, it did well to reign himself in. Still, his mind, one thing about the course of action was clear. No mercy. At the very least, they were enemies to the village. "We can easily overpower them. Use the element of surprise, and be fast in and out. I know their numbers and capabilities, roughly." Tobirama crossed his arms in front of his chest. His face was drawn in a deep frown. "That is correct," Hashirama answered evenly, holding his brother's icy glare. Probably the only person around here to do so with ease, Tobirama found. His patience for more faint-hearted had been long gone. "But you mustn't forget that Y/n is down here too-" "I assure you, anija, I am not," Tobirama spat back, knuckles white from how hard he gripped the fabric of his undergarment on his arms. His nostrils flared from the sharp breath he took, offended his brother might even think he’d forget this. "They could use her as a living shield." Hashirama was completely unfazed by Tobirama's hostility. He probably had gotten used to it at this point, in a pitiful way - his brother's predicament pained him as much as your fate did, Tobirama knew. After all, Hashirama was the gentle soul out of the two of them. That wouldn't extend Tobirama's patience, but still. "And you seriously think I don't consider that?", Tobirama huffed, through clenched teeth. Desperation was leaking into his voice more than anger did. The team held a respectful distance at this point. "There is no other way, Hashirama." "There is," he replied far too quickly for Tobirama's liking. "Enlighten me then, please." He took a deep breath, seemingly well aware his next words will not sit well with his younger brother. "We offer them to leave for their home if they release Y/n without a fight." Tobirama's eyes widened. "You must be joking." The mere notion - "After what they did-" he scowled - his voice low, dangerous. The all too familiar rage was roaring within him again, his heart pounding high in his chest. "You haven't seen what I've seen!" his voice bordered a shout, as much as secrecy would allow for right now. Without ever having wanted to, he had taken a step towards his brother, arms outstretched. They were trembling again. He balled his fist. What on earth was Hashirama thinking? "It would be safest for her," he replied evenly, not backing off a single inch. His calmness was unnerving Tobirama even more. He actually seemed to consider this a good plan - "Safest? Safest? What if they slit her throat before my very eyes to let her see me fail her ultimately? Did you consider that in your clever approach?!" Tobirama's voice had risen in volume, but even now, he was aware they were to be hidden still. But the mental image was burned into his mind, now. Your eyes - panicked first, then growing dull as the realisation of being forsaken kicked in. And then, lifelessly gazing at him. That was almost too much for Tobirama to take and the white-hot rage burned so intensely, it felt as unbearable as the thought of losing you while being so close to getting you back. The thought of all the agony you had gone through. Hashirama took a decisive step forward then, placing a hand on Tobirama's shoulderguard. "We won't lose her, Tobirama," he spoke with such conviction, Tobirama was glad to latch onto it if just to escape the dark place his mind was at now. He needed to focus. For you. He shook his head as though to free himself of emotional turmoil, momentarily. "They're still enemies to the village, trespassing in our protected country and guilty of torturing our own. We cannot let them go unpunished." His baritone voice nearly shook towards the end. Hashirama pondered before he sighed deeply. "Very well." Tobirama took a deep breath, then crossed his arms again. "We will use what means of surveillance we have at hand to locate each of them before entering. Preferably when," he cleared his throat uncomfortably and forced himself to speak the next select words neutrally and calmly, "Y/n isn't being tortured. They won't be as close to her. Then we incapacitate them swiftly before they can get to her. The hideout is small. It should be easy to corner them before they can get to her." He needed to take a few more deep breaths, closing his eyes. A hand rubbed over his forehead and happuri absent-mindedly. This plan had to work. It just had. Tobirama wouldn't compromise more, anyway. Hashirama nodded then, turning towards the squad. "Everyone heard him. Let's go." Surveillance proved to be more difficult than they had expected. With Akio's information, they knew how to approach, but the hideout was secured from sensory scanning, of course. Which meant Tobirama was as good as blind, unless he got inside. That was out of question. It turned out their only means of getting inside views were the bugs of Hoshiko Aburame, who was more than eager to show off her newly joined clan's capabilities. And amazing they were, Tobirama found. Not half an hour later, they knew the enemy currently kept to the living quarters of the underground hideout, and the interrogation chamber was empty. You were in the cell, just as expected. The news made Tobirama's heart stutter again, but he reigned himself in quickly now. His focus was required now, even though he itched to rush in there like he never had before. You were right there, alive, breathing. Alone, suffering. He wanted nothing more than to save you from all that, posthaste. Frankly the timing was just too perfect. They had to act now. And they did. Swiftly, and without mercy. They split in two groups to enter the hideout from each entrance, dancing around the traps like only a member of the Hidden Stone shinobi team could. When Tobirama heard their voices, their laughter from the chamber - he saw red. But much more than to punish them, he wanted to take the other turn - through the interrogation chamber, to your cell. Hashirama had explicitly forbidden him to. Tobirama knew, too - the enemy needed to be subdued first. You were not being tortured right now. He needed to be calm and logical now; his help was needed in the fight - you just needed to hang on a little longer. Just a tiny bit. He was almost there, with you again. The battle inside the chamber was atrocious as one might expect from such close quarters and a force such as their own. Tobirama's water release mowed through their earthen defenses as they tried to use the surroundings to their advantage with their expert knowledge of Earth jutsu - though quickly, he had to give way to his brother's wood release lest he'd flood the chamber completely. The squad each had engaged with an enemy personally, the clashes of blades echoed through the room, incantations were shouted, chakra released left and right. No matter, he figured, he was still lethal enough without his water release. With his ice-cold burning ire, he lunged for a very particular enemy: the shinobi he knew had been responsible for your torture, mostly. He just needed to recall Akio's memories of you: what they had done to you, what you looked like. Tobirama's precision was meticulous and deadly, in every way. Later, those who bore witness to the fight uttered words of fright for how the First's brother had been back then - a stern reminder never to cross this man. Tobirama's precision to kill was ruthless, chilling. Parrying maneuvers of his target where punished not just with a clash of metal but the slicing of muscles and nerves. Undeniably he did not just fight the torture master - his target was punished for every mistake in this fight. As soon as the opening for a kill offered itself, Tobirama struck without mercy. The blind rage started boiling inside him more, numbing his body to a point he was sure he wouldn't feel anything despite ire anymore. And the deep desire to get back to you. This battle was taking too long. All throughout it, Tobirama kept his sensory skills trained on the whole underground complex - and especially so on the door that led outside, to you. He would not allow for a single person to leave this room and make a run for you, or outside for that manner. Not that anyone got the chance. Soon, the Stone shinobi were decimated to a number far smaller than the Konoha team, and they realised they were being overpowered - swiftly. But there was no escaping any more. Briefly, Hashirama had entertained taking them prisoner prior to starting their assault - much to Tobirama’s annoyance. Lethal force would be simpler and faster, he argued. Another team member, Taro, had made a more sensible objection then - he doubted they'd surrender and it was questionable if they would manage to subdue them if they didn't. Well, trust Hashirama to make it possible anyway. With his wood release, he managed to ensnare them, an unmistakable sign to the rest of the squad. Fine, then. They might hold valuable information, anyway. Tobirama turned around on his heel to do what he had been wanting to do from the start. He broke down the door towards the interrogation chamber with no grace, clenching his teeth when he laid eyes on the inside. There was a table fitted with restrains - and blood. Dried blood. Your blood. His throat went dry. A flickering gaze wandered over the walls where various tools were stored, all of them kept in neat shape. Drills, saws, irons - he closed his eyes. He couldn't - he didn't want to see that anymore, now. His heart hurt, his body trembled again with sheer rage. How could he allow for this to happen in the first place? He opened his eyes again, bearing the ache the sight brought him. Briefly, his scarlet eyes wandered left and right to find more utensils: drugs. More refined tools, possibly to inflict damage to the chakra network of the victim. Various vials filled with substances, very possibly used to alter perception of reality and make a person more susceptible to torture. Bile rose in his throat. Enough of that. With a few decisive steps, he rounded the table to finally find himself in front of your door. He stared down at his shaking hand before he opened it. He was sure his heart would jump out of his chest at any moment now. The door swung open inaudibly. The room beyond was just illuminated by the dim lights coming from behind Tobirama. When his gaze found you again for the first time in weeks, he nearly fell to his knees. You were curled up in the far corner of the tiny cell, dressed in rags. Your form looked far too delicate - far too gaunt. You were shivering, your hands covered your face and your head. There were bruises on your pale skin. Tobirama swallowed a heavy lump down his throat. A prickling sensation formed in his eyes. He blinked. Wetness rolled down his cheeks. He wiped swiftly at it with his sleeve. "Y/n," he spoke, incredibly softly, entering slowly, as though you might disappear if he were too hasty. He, who was covered in blood - his fine fur collar ruffled, sprayed red. The epitome of violence. You stirred. Flailed. Slow at first, as though you had to work through a haze. To hear a voice beside that of your tormentor - it must frighten you, or so Tobirama thought. Your gaze - your gaze was the worst. It was wide-eyed, devoid of your lively spark. Haunted. Tormented. The ache inside his heart was a physically painful sensation now within his chest. Tears rolled down his cheeks again, but he did not sob. All that ran through him was the fine tremor of despair; of having finally gotten you back and yet being confronted with the reality of your capture. Tobirama knelt down near your side very slowly, just in arms reach but at a respectful distance yet. Frankly he wanted to sweep you up in his arms, kiss you and never let go of you again - but he knew better than that. Recognition had not yet settled into your gaze again. There was fear in them. It continued to feed into the ache inside his chest. It was them - they had done this to you. "Y/n," he whispered your name again, tenderly, in a desperate hope of waking your memory. Your gaze was wild as you straightened yourself against the corner, boney knees tucked towards your body as quivering hands steadied yourself. "N-No...", your raspy, quiet voice stuttered. The abuse it had suffered was evident - for quite some time, you had done nothing with it but scream, Tobirama concluded. His teeth clenched down so hard, his jaw hurt. More tears smeared his facial paint. "I'm here, my love," he finally stammered out. Your eyes glistened. More violent shivers ran through your body. Tobirama subconsciously shifted closer. He needed to comfort you, to hold you - to do anything to ease your discomfort. To help you out of wherever your mind was right now. "I- I've broken, have I?", you suddenly croaked, "They gotten into me, now they're using you to torture me-" - you threw your head back against the stone wall with an audible thud. The sound made Tobirama shudder - that must have hurt you. But it was nothing compared to your words - he understood now. You thought he was part of a genjutsu. The cruel, cruel logic behind that - his eyes wandered downwards momentarily, and he couldn't stop the broken huff that snuffed out any sob he might have made. In his crouched stance, he wiped his palm over his face. You, his beautiful woman, the love of his life - in shambles, all due to his incompetence to keep you safe. He drew a ragged breath. All he now could do was to make up for it by getting you away from here - making you realise he really was here - and keep you safe now. Ensure you'd heal. "No, my love," he answered finally, letting his own agony break into his voice that had become a husky whisper while two scarlet eyes gave you a sad, sad look. "This is real. I'm here, you're safe now. It's over. You're safe now." Signing the genjutsu release in here was pointless - the room was designed to be void of chakra. In fact, Tobirama had not even noticed when he entered - he had been too concerned with you. That realisation now was disturbing - how careless of him - but he very much felt deaf in here for his sensory skills were blocked. No chakra would leave his body, at all. It was an oppressive feeling. To think you had been in here for weeks - You kept staring at him with wide eyes. Uncertainty had settled into your gaze. Tobirama knew he needed to keep leading you out of the darkness now. He inched closer, very slowly. His glance he kept locked with yours, attentive of any sign of fear or hesitation. The last thing he wanted to do was overstep your boundaries now. You remained still. Finally, he was right beside you, kneeling. He was shaking again. As were you. "T-Tobirama...", your abused voice whimpered, the question in your tone tormented him. The magnitude of anguish the whole situation brought him pushed him to a point where wondered how he could handle it - bear it - other than soldier through and simply ignore it for now. What he knew was he had to get you out now and start to move things along. "I'm here," he repeated, "I'm real. You're safe, now. All right?", he raised his shaking hand slowly to lay it on your far too bony shoulder. Your body was agonizingly cold under his palm. "Y/n," he downright whimpered, relieved for a brief second when you did not flinch. Your gaze drifted down onto the hand he had put on your shoulder. Incredulous. The first gentle touch you had received - in weeks. "Tobirama...", you whispered again, now laced with more than uncertainty. There was pain in it. Not the physical kind - the emotional kind. The despair of your struggle to believe all this, to allow yourself to know this to be true was showing. And Tobirama grew increasingly desperate alongside to make you believe this - to end your suffering as fast as he could. His own pain would endure far longer, he knew. That didn't matter, though - his aching heart could wait, if it only meant you were safe. "I will get you out, okay? May I carry you, Y/n?", he asked in a hushed voice, as gentle as he could. When you didn't reply but also showed no sign of refusal, he let his hand slide over your neck slowly to grasp around your shoulder while his other arm reached out to tuck under your knees. He never broke eye contact again. Yours, however wandered to your own body. It shook again - a mixture of temperature and quite possibly the same reason Tobirama himself shook, he deduced. His protectiveness flared even more. It was only when you felt gravity shift towards him and up from the ground that you whimpered - and flailed slightly. "N-no-", you suddenly whispered, shaking your head and the unkempt hair on it. But Tobirama didn't want to ease up now. He just needed you out of this terrible room to make you see he was real and end this nightmare. "Please, Y/n," Tobirama countered immediately, "Trust me." He practically implored you at this point. Your flailing increased. "D-don't," you whispered, your eyes wide again, lip quivering. "I can't," you wheezed, "No more, please!" Your thin arms pawed at his chest armor as he rose to his full height slowly. Your body was far too light in his arms. Your gaze shifted to the open door slowly, the fear becoming painfully apparent, but Tobirama's eyes would never leave you. Realisation dawned on Tobirama then. And once more, he felt as though he nearly doubled over by the implication of it - what your real issue now was. "I'm not going to hurt you, Y/n, nobody is anymore," Tobirama choked instantly. "We just need to get out here, I can't use my chakra here, neither can you." he tried to reason, unsure of how much that would get through to you. He took a slow step towards the door, though the pain inside his chest made it difficult when he saw your reaction. "Please," you croaked, the fight becoming stronger. He had to close his arms around you more firmly just so you wouldn't wind out of his hold. "Nothing bad is going to happen anymore, Y/n, I promise," Tobirama whispered over your sobs. Then, he opted to take the two steps out of the cell into the damned interrogation chamber - back to where chakra could be used. You were near screaming frightened pleas for mercy then, a sound that would haunt Tobirama. But it was over the second he carried you into the other room. In that very moment, Tobirama let his chakra graze over your network already. But not before he muttered: "Release." His voice bore some relief - the crooked, defeated kind. You stilled completely then. Your eyes were back at his face, he held your gaze evenly while his chakra wrapped around yours, much like a blanket on a cold winter's night. The familiarity of the sensation - to hold you and to feel you in such an intimate way at the same time - Tobirama nearly had thought he might have never have gotten another chance to. For all his determination of the past weeks - the danger had been near suffocating him. But you were here now, in his arms. "You're safe, Y/n," he repeated, over and over. "I'm here." His eyes were glistening again, as were yours. Stray tears fell on the rags they had dressed you in. Tobirama pulled you closer to let your forehead rest against his happuri for a moment. He closed his eyes to drink in the sensation of your chakra intertwining more, feeling you. Stilling the ache in his heart, quenching the rage that had roared in him for weeks. The both of you feeling one another. "Tobirama... I thought -", you finally began, your voice finally more than a hush or a whimper. Still raspy of course. But... more yourself. You had begun to come out of the proverbial darkness back to him, again. The relief Tobirama felt made his knees weak. "I thought I'd never see you again," you finally whispered. Slowly, he pulled his head back. He swallowed. "I'm so sorry," he choked out. It was all he could say right now. But there was so much more he wanted to say. Your head slipped from his forehead to the side of his neck. Exhaustion seemed to be getting to you, too. "I'll keep you safe, Y/n," he let his arms wrap around even tighter, for a moment worrying if he might bruise you. You didn't protest though. Tobirama felt you couldn't be close enough to him now. Your frail hand reached up for his fur collar, fingers winding through it, gripping it, then sliding to the side of his neck. You didn't speak anymore. He shuddered for how cold it felt again, but it only served to make him feel more determined to take care of you now. It was Hashirama who disturbed the moment. The relief was written over his face, though his eyes were wide when they first settled on you, then on Tobirama. "Let's go home," Tobirama then announced, sighing.

#tobirama #tobirama senju #tobirama x reader #tobirama senju x reader #sekhmet writes

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t-ierrahumeda · 3 years

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A big critical thought on my country's state

i got formally employed in 2018. USD dollar was 40 pesos. It was thought to be an outrage.

2021, 1 dollar is 105 pesos, oficially. Officially means that it's devoid of taxes, and that's what the National Bank charges - every other bank charges differently, and it's not regulated. You pay for 1 dollar, and you also pay for 40% taxes of one kind, and 50% taxes of another. The first one was supossed to be temporary, last year. We still get it.

If you spend more than 10.000 pesos on your credit card, you get a tax that was supposed to be eradicated 10 years ago. In 2019 we didn't have it, but now we do. As a surprise, because no one got told about it. We just got it.

So if you have to buy a fridge or a necessary home appliance, well, tough shit. You get charged.

Also, if you earn more than 80.000 pesos, you get charged, as if you were a rich person, while rich people can get out of those taxes by...paying lawyers. 80.000 pesos is not much, my lil bro gets paid working minimum wage in a supermarket, and he can count himself as lucky because he's employed legally, while many many people do not, which means they get no retirement money. You can get minimum wage retirement money if you have nothing legally declared, but it's not much - around 30.000 pesos? That's enough to pay for a shitty place full of crime rate, and MAYBE pay for groceries and utilities. So not much.

We have public health and education, but it's ridden of corruption. Unions are corrupt, doctors and nurses get shit and don't get supplies in their hospitals and clinics. If you only rely on public health, you might have to stay in line in a public hospital al 4AM and get an appointment just at 8AM IN TWO MONTHS, if you're lucky: if you have something that needs something special, well, good luck with that.

People in general rely on private health, but you can get it in two ways: if you're legally employed (very hard, achievable but very hard) or if you pay it out of your pocket. I had a friend from another country that told me that when she went to the doctor, she got all her tests on the same day. Here? Well, you see a doctor. She prescribes you with tests, then you get new appointments, which can be up from 1 month or more. When you get them done, you get them in around 2 weeks. Then you have to ask for another appt from the original doctor, and that can take....yes, 1 month. By the time your doctor sees your tests, you are either cured or worse. AND THIS IS ON PRIVATE HEALTH. WHICH YOU PAY FOR OUT OF YOUR OWN POCKET.

When I read american's problems with unions, public health and shit I feel so disconnected, because I want to believe unions are good, and public stuff managed by the goverment is good, but it's just not my experience. And it might be good! I've read accounts of people from Finland, and those kind of countries where everything works fine. People pay high taxes but they get what they pay for, and hey! I'm glad for them! But in my experience, as a latin american, public and government backed stuff is bad. You'll want to avoid it. And it's terrible. Because I can avoid it. My mom, with my help, can avoid it. My brother, with my help, can avoid it. But if they didn't have me (I am not a rich person at all - I am working class, but I have a professional job, and get paid a tiny little bit more than a blue collar person, but not that much) they'd have to rely in public stuff. My mom has hormonal issues - she needed to get a bunch of tests made that simply weren't possible if she relied on public stuff because they didn't have the supplies or the equipment. I can't get her in my private health insurance because she's not my daughter, but I can pay for her stuff. It's costly as shit. I still can, even though it makes a dent in my economy, I am grateful I can pay for it, but if she didn't have me, she'd have so much more health problems, and I hate this country for that so much. Because I pay my taxes. She does too. My brother to. We all do, and we don't get shit. And yet our politicians have so many privileges and shove it on our faces and we as the people DONT DO ANYTHING.

Because we've been beaten to submission for years. The only hope people see are libertarians, and you can guess a country is bad when they rely on libertarians as their only hope. I know I do. The leftists at our country are TERRIBLE. The right is bad, the left is right, the centrists are bad, everyone is bad. We can't believe in anyone and it's been like this for decades. I don't remember a time that wasn't absoulute chaos.

In 2 years will be the new elections but I hold no hope for this country. I hold no hope for anything here. My only hope is getting my degree, getting lucky and going to live abroad. And once I live abroad, take my mom, and then my little brother and my nephew so I can give them a good life. I feel like the only hope for them because if I don't do it, no one will. Because my little brother hasn't gone after any education beyond high school, my mom is training to be a nurse and it's good, I hope she can make it do abroad with my help, but without it? she won't. I feel all the eyes of my family on me: they're all expecting and waiting for me to get the fuck out so I can take them out too. It feels very...pressing, but it kinda makes me going, the thought that they rely on me. It's the least I can do. I want my niece to bloom and be anything she wants. I want my little brother to provide for her little daughter calmly. I want my mom to retire and do whatever she wants to do relaxed. I don't really care about me, I care about my family.

And it's so fucked up.

It's so fucked up that i have to think about all this shit because i live in a shit country. in americans' eyes, we live in a utopia: we have public health, education, college. But...it's so bad! I had to drop out from my beloved public college and get into a private one because the state wasn't paying my professors wages, and thus we didn't get classes or quota to register to subjects. And even if we did, at the rate we could get registered, we would be able to get our degree in x3 times of the intended time. Yes, a 4 year degree would take you 8 years, if you were lucky, if you worked besides studying, which is the situation for most people. Some privileged people get to just study and get their degree in 5 or 6 years instead of 8+, but they're not the majority. Not even state funding scholarship gets you going to just study - they're meager. They barely cover what you spend to travel to the fucking college. I mean this, because my mom has a scholarship, and that's what the money goes: to fund her goddamn trip to the college. Not even her means, her drinks, nothing: just the bus trip.

When americans complain about their struggles, I wish they stayed a bit in our country. It's not one of the dreaded places they imagine, like any country in Africa (they cannot name any country, but they still dread it), it's just a bit down their continent. I wish they would stay here for 2 or 3 years, their formative years, without funding of their parents or anyone, just themselves, like we all do, because believe me, we do not get funding from our parents unless we're really lucky because our parents are struggling to get us afloat just as we are.

So I'd love them to come here. To see what's up. And then maybe they'd feel their privilege, their luck. Here we don't discriminate based on our skin, we discriminate based on our money. If you're black, native, indian, whatever? It does not matter as long as you're educated and wealthy, and I mean this. I've had some of my brother's classmates being discriminated while being blond and clear-eyed because they were from a low class, and one of my most loved and popular classmates was dark as shit but hey! he had money, so people respected him·

I don't mean this to mean that racism doesn't exist and shit, don't take me as a racist, but please do mind that every place has a very specific way to discriminate people. I don't mean to say that blond fair eyed people are discriminated against here, hell no, but that it means shit here. The only thing that is important here is how much money you have.

And I have a feeling it's the same in the whole south america, but don't quote me on this: I do not know, I can only talk about my country here.

#melsonal #politics #argentina #latin america

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natromanxoff · 3 years

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Daily Express - July 28, 1986

Credits to Boris Arhangelski.

‘Mary wants my child before it’s too late. I’d rather have another cat.’

FREDDIE MERCURY, outrageous king of rock group Queen, dominates a stage with all the force of a hurricane. But off stage, an entirely different kind of man exists.

All the flamboyance is replaced by someone who is overtly shy, suspicious of people, guards his privacy almost as much as the late Howard Hughes, has a demonic sense of humour and explodes and screams when he doesn’t get his own way.

In fact, woe betide anyone on the receiving end of Freddie’s tongue if he is in a black mood.

Friends

One of his closest friends, who is always near at hand to calm him or reassure him - not that he needs much of that - is Mary Austin, a quiet fair-haired 31-year-old who has remained loyal to him after the break-up of their seven-year love affair.

Mary, whose London flat was bought by Freddie, confided to me that she would still like to have a child by Freddie, “before it’s too late.”

“I would rather have another cat!” was how Freddie reacted.Like the late John Lennon, he has a weakness for cats and already has two of the biggest cats I’ve ever seen - Oscar and Tiffany.

He surrounds himself with a small, close-knit group of friends he feels he can trust and with whom he is extremely generous with his money. The arrogance that comes so easily and can(?) hurt(?) and scares so many people off, is often due to his obsession with being a perfectionist.

Defeat

“Some people can take second best, but I can’t,” says 3-year-old Freddie, “Especially now, I look upon it as a defeat. If you’ve got the taste of being No., then No.2 isn’t good enough. I am a spoiled child.”

Last night Queen broke new ground by playing the first ever open air stadium rock concert behind the Iron Curtain in Budapest (...) (...) sell-out audience of 80.000 people at the Nepstadion (The People’s Stadium). Ticket demands for the even were over-subscribed by a quarter of a million.

It took 15 40-foot long lorries to transport all the rigging, sound and lightning equipment into Budapest for the Queen stage show.

Queen are now one of the Top Five crowd pullers in the world, having played to 170.000 people at Wembley Stadium recently, and they will perform in front of a further 120.000 at Knebworth. Herts, on Saturday, August 9.

Spacious

Before Freddie packed his leotard for Budapest, he invited me to join him for dinner at his spacious Edwardian home in Kensington, full of fine Japanese and Chinese furniture and art and the Dresden china he collects.

Freddie’s master bedroom is hidden behind a mirrored hallway leading to two marbled bathroom suites - one a jacuzzi, the other a bath large enough for two people. The cream bedroom is Roman styled, with a balcony - and an illuminated ceiling can be switched to sunset, twilight or sunrise depending on your mood.

While a young American chef, Joe Fanelli, prepares a three-course dinner with a choice of two starters, Freddie shows me the rose filled three quarters of an acre walled garden which surrounds the house.

Clubbing

Because heavy concert tours have been affecting his voice to the point where some days he can’t even speak, Fressie has given up his regular right clubbing habit to enjoy his home more and more.

He says, “Everybody wants a loving relationship and to go out and have fun. For me, I’m quite happy to come home and tickle my peonies.

After 13 years as a top recording act, he is one of Britain’s richest rock stars and idolized by millions. “Come on Freddie,” they chant from (...) around the world. His private life has not worked out as satisfactory and often been in turmoil.

“I would have liked a one to one relationship, but I don’t think my life can actually cater for it. I’ve tried that and it’s always gone worng.

“It’s so much heartache and I don’t want anymore of that,” said Freddie, who has never made a secret of his bi-sexuality.

“I’m surrounding myself with special people who are loyal and loving - it’s a kind of happiness. For the first time in my life I’ve found a contentment within myself.

“I don’t want to come across lonely, because I’m not. As I’m not seen out in public, they think I’ve become a recluse. My friends are people - I don’t mix with labels. I like interesting people, people who have more to talk about than just music.”

While many fellow rock stars have burned out around him, he has somehow managed to avoid going over the edge.

Astute

“It needs a really strong-willed person to survive,” he says.

“You have to be one step ahead all the time. You have to be so astute, so strong. You have to be a hard faced bitch - and a lot of us can’t be.

“Love is the hardest thing to achieve and the one thing in this business that can let you down the most.”

#queen #queen band #freddie mercury #queen scans #daily express july 1986

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danielcarrapa · 4 years

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You don’t need to play The Last of Us Part II to review it

Andrew Klavan, a 65 year old alt-right idiot with almost 80.000 subscribers on YouTube, made what is arguably the worst video review about The Last of Us Part II. He starts to complain about Ellie's sexuality: "and now she's a lesbian..." Well, alrighty then. It's been revealed in a DLC six years ago, but okay idiot.

He then goes to say that Abby "looks transgendered", "looks like a guy". I guess he's intimidated by muscular woman. What a snowflake. He then proceeds to complain about what is actually a heterosexual love scene in the game.

Maybe one should actually know the source material before reviewing it. I mean, there's one lesbian kiss scene in the game, and if you can't handle it in 2020, maybe that's your problem. He also talks about his very active sex life. How (not) relevant.

Anyway, his followers don’t seem to care, as they keep asking him to review more games. Because the world needs more game reviews written by guys who don’t play them, apparently. Hilariously bad.

#the last of us part ii #the last of us part 2 #the last of us

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coveredinsweetpea · 5 years

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I Can't Fall In Love Without You || K.J. Apa

A/n: This was requested by @namelesslosers . Thank you!! I fucked it up a bit, but i hope you’ll still like it!

Summary: Y/n is a famous singer/actress who used to date KJ. When one night, at a ceremony they’re both attending, she performs a song that’s ‘not-so-subtly’ about him, things take a turn.

“Y/n, hurry! why aren’t you dressed?” or “Sign your name here, here and here” or “You have to go to this event, everyone will there” Words could never describe just how sick you were of having to put up with this specific façade. This on going rush you’ve been living in, this ever lasting maze of horror filled fake smiles, exhausted in you in a way you never thought possible. The life inside you was now grey colored, and a dark aura surrounded you. At this point, you had the exact same job, hung out with the exact same people, lived in the same house and slept in the same bed as you did when you still had him. Walking inside your apartment and not hearing any “Babe, I made food, the top is a little burnt but I’ll eat that part, I swear the bottom tastes really good. Gordon Ramsey taught me” felt utterly useless, and it didn’t take long before it turned into dread. The Grammy’s were tonight, and you sighed heavily as you got out of the limousine, realizing this was yet another red carpet you’d walk without KJ by your side. You’ve done it for years before meeting him, you knew what to do and how to act, the whole thing was that you didn’t want to do it by yourself. You missed his arm around your waist, and those stupid dad jokes he’s whisper in your ear just to get you to flash that genuine smile of yours for the camera. Despite being media trained and knowing exactly what to do, how to keep your legs and shoulders, where to look and so on in order to look good in pictures, KJ knew just how much better you looked when your true feeling were showing. All things considered, you were sure no one noticed just how much different you looked without him, but frankly, you were glad they had no idea. The last thing you needed were more questions about him, considering it had been months since you two parted ways.

“God!” Mary exclaimed, rushing to you, “How many times do I have to say this! Don’t sit down!” “Yeah yeah yeah” you mumbled, standing up from the armchair. Your eyes were still trained on the screen of your phone, following carefully a thread showing all the outfits people wore to the event. You knew Joe was invited, but since he wasn’t a nominee or an important guest, you weren’t surprised you didn’t see pictures of him yet. “Looking for him again?” your best friend sighed, “You’re performing in 2 minutes, get your vibes on!” “I’d fucking have my vibes on-” you snapped, talking as you walked away from her, “If you’d just let me be!” “What’s gotten your panties in a bunch, huh?” she taunted, walking towards you, “Haven’t seen you this moody in a while” “Meg, you know I love you” you sighed, turning around just enough to be able to look her in the eye, “But now is not the time” “It’s KJ, isn’t it?” “No, it’s not” you lied with a roll of your eyes, “I’m just nervous, that’s all” To be fair, it wasn’t a complete lie. You really were more nervous than you’ve been in ages, but that was because this was the biggest stage you’d walk on without as much as a smile of encouragement from him. KJ was somewhere in the audience, and the fact that your source of confidence would just watch your performance from beginning to end without having any direct influence over it, made you knees weak. Eventually, there was no where for you to hide anymore as the time to step on stage finally came. You did so on shaky knees, but as soon as your ears were met with chants of excitement and rounds of applause, you remembered why you chose this path in life. After a few seconds the lights dimmed, and silence settled. The song you had to perform wasn’t the most vocally challenging, but the emotional baggage it brought upon you was enough to make your lungs shake with every word you sang.

“I can be out every night No one else holding me down I can do just what I like But I can’t fall in love without you I can’t fall in love without you

Please don’t fall in love without me I hope you’re sorry Can’t find the words to say Hope you’re always worried Worryin’ ‘bout me”

Your palms were sweaty against the microphone and your ears were ever so numb, that you could barely hear yourself. The emotion for this song came from somewhere deep within, and you knew your secret was out - if you could even call it a secret. But at that moment, you didn’t care about them, all you saw before your eyes were the endless nights you spent without KJ. It didn’t matter if you were alone or not, it was his company you wanted, not anyone else’s. After your performance, Shawn Mendes took the stage and ended the whole ceremony, as you watched quietly from backstage. When everything was over, you hurried to change out of your long light blue dress, and into a black one, which despite being less revealing, was shorter and tighter. Ditching your pair of high heel sandals in favor of a pair of silver stilettos, you jumped into your car, where your stylist did her magic, and turned your flawless curls into a sea of messy waves. While you were still more than a few blocks away from where the after party was to be held, your phone started blowing up. Twitter had gone mad, 3 different hashtags involving you and KJ were trending, your Instagram follower count had gone up by 80.000 bringing you close to the 70M milestone. All kinds of magazines and websites, most of which you haven’t even heard of before were posting about you, updating, speculating and analyzing. As it turns out, performing a song that was obviously about your ex after you’ve just received the first Grammy of your career, was indeed a big deal. The way from your car and to the door of the venue was quitter than you expected, but it was still early and the paparazzi hadn’t yet found the location. You calmly walked inside, the party already in full swing. A lot of celebrities that had no business attending the ceremony but were considered important enough by the mainstream media, were invited to this party. Most of your friends were there, so it didn’t take long for you to mingle in. You tried keeping yourself busy jumping from group to group, meeting new people and seeing old friends, but your mind wasn’t having it. KJ was still haunting your thoughts, so you made your way to the bar, hoping a drink would help you get in the mood to party. As you pondered what to order, you felt a very familiar cologne invade your senses. It made your knees weak, and your heart was beating at a pace that was by no means safe as you feared that at any moment, it would physically burst out of your chest. “Two strawberry vodka” you heard him saw, and it took everything inside of you not at aww at his words, as that had been your drink, starting from your very first date, up to the last time you drank together. “Wow” you smiled, turning to him, “Classy” “You taught me” KJ laughed, already blushing. It might have been the light, but the red in his hair was darker and his dark brown roots were beginning to show - that was something you always loved about him. He was wearing a plain white t shirt tucked into black jeans, and had his hair not been red, he would have made a perfect James Dean. “What’s up?” you asked softly, facing him completely despite still leaning against the bar. “I just wanted to congratulate you” he said, waving his arm. He would have touched you, squeezed your elbow or patted your shoulder, but you sensed the fear in his gestures, and it truly pained you. “Thank you” you smiled, “This is really big, didn’t think I’d win” “I knew you would” he grinned. “Did you?” “Yeah!” KJ nodded, before his smile faded, “I actually wanted to text you last night and wish you good luck and all that, but I figured it was a bad idea” “It wasn’t” you pouted, “I would have appreciated it. But now is almost just as good” He looked at you, his eyes lingering on yours as a new kind of smile curled the corners of his lips upwards. “I know just the thing-” he mumbled, grabbing his phone out of his right pocket. He kept it so you couldn’t see what he was doing, but soon after your drinks arrived, he placed his phone back in his pocket, and an exact second later, your own buzzed. “Oh god” you giggled, rolling your eyes. It was obviously a text from him, but you didn’t hesitate to read it. “Hey, Y/N, I know we haven’t talked in ages and I hate that a lot. I am also aware I missed a lot of important things in your life, but I did follow as much as I could through the internet so my prediction is based on facts. I’ll keep this short because I know you don’t like sappy moments, but that Grammy is yours. There’s no doubt about it. One day, you’ll win an Oscar too, I know it. Good luck, angel! x” “See?” you whined, stomping your foot against the floor, “Why are you like this?” “Like what?” he asked curious, leaning his head to the side. “Like-” you stuttered, furrowing your brows, “Like you!” “Like me?” KJ laughed, advancing towards you a bit, but still keeping a decent distance between your bodies, “Why am I like me? what do you mean?” You rolled your eyes with a scoff, “You know what I mean!” “Why do I still worry about you even after all this time?” he teased, coming another step closer. Despite knowing where this was going you didn’t have it in you to stop it, “Don’t make references to my song!” “It’s a good song” he defended himself. “Of course it is” you scoffed, closing the distance between your bodies. “Why? Because you wrote it?” KJ mocked, wrapping his left arm around your middle. You looked up into his eyes and saw him smiling down at you. It warmed your heart as you haven’t seen that exact reaction in months, and to be honest, it was you absolute favorite thing in the word. He looked at you in complete awe and you were done. “No…” you whispered, “Because it’s about you” He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, “I still love you, you know? Nothing changed for me, and it won’t anytime soon” Your teasing mood and flirty attitude disappeared in an instant, now you were sad, angry - at yourself, and had no idea what to do. “I shouldn’t have performed that song, this isn’t ok” Despite saying these things, you didn’t back away from him. Instead, you wrapped your arms around him and hid your face in his neck. KJ brought you closer to his chest, holding you tight around your middle. It was a hug at the edge between a reunion and a goodbye, and you were dead set on not letting go of him until you knew which one of the two it actually was. “Hey-” KJ said, gently pushing you away so he could look into your eyes as he spoke, “We can talk about this, whatever it is. Let’s go outside and-” “No” you shook your head, “I can’t do this tonight” “I-” he tried to speak, obviously taken aback, but you stopped him. “I waited for this night ever since I was 8. I dreamed about holding that award in my hands for so long, I don’t want anything to ruin this for me” It was visible just how much your words pained him, but he held it all back. Or at least he tried. Tears glistered at the corners of his eyes, but he still nodded in agreement, taking a step back, “I respect that” You grabbed his hand to stop him, as you didn’t want to let anything unfinished, “I do love you, and I mean it from the bottom of my heart. Take me back-” you said, “for tonight. Can everything go back to normal, just for this night, and we’ll talk about it in the morning, and we’ll work through things as they come, I thought I-” KJ cut you off, as he grabbed your cheeks, and kissed you. He was more passionate than you ever felt him. You’ve done this so many times, yet this felling right now, it was knew. You teeth still clanked against his, and you still licked the corner of his mouth by mistake, but your eyes remained closed, just as his, because this was new. This was the beginning of something new. It was like your very first kiss all over again. With one arm around you and a hand planted on the side of your rib cage, he held you as close as he could, every now and then sighing against your lips, sighs which eventually turned into little moans, until you had to pull away. “Scare me like that ever again-” “What?” you laughed, “Did you think we were gonna break up again, or?” “Are you ever not this sassy?” KJ exclaimed. “Would I still be the woman you fell in love with if I didn’t mock you?” He laughed out loud, “Probably not, so please don’t ever stop”

#kj apa #kj apa imagine #kj apa x reader #kj apa fanfic #kj apa fluff #kj apa angst #kj apa fic #archie andrews blurb #archie andrews x reader #archie andrews #archie Andrews fanfic #archie andrews imagine #kj apa one shot #archie andrews one shot #riverdale imagine #riverdale fanfiction #riverdale imagines #riverdale #riverdale fic

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faakeid · 5 years

Text

About k*i and j*en*ie news

Honestly, I didn’t expect to write something like this today. For real. It’s the first day of the year and I personally have other projects to concentrate. But here I am. And I know some people know this blog to exploring kd dynamics and when that mess happened in 2016, this otp especifically was mentioned a lot. But, at least for now, the impressions related with jgin and jnne won’t involve kd. Actually, it will be more a collection of thoughts about k*i persona and how his “romantic affairs” publicized can fit an agenda. Before starting, I just wanted to say that I’m surprised (positively) by the fact that people aren’t freaking out about it like happened with kxk. Back then it was a huge mess, but now even outsiders see it with some doubt. Somehow, people are opening their eyes and it’s really good, so congratulations!

Okay, so, talking about k*i persona. I think I mentioned this many times before, but k*i is and always was a character. Since the beginning S*M gave him this role of being the “sexy dancer”, seductive and womanizer. It’s obvious when you watch Wolf’s drama, for example and a live performance of them of the same song.

youtube

This intro has a huge meaning pointing towards what i’m talking about. The other members are close with the girl, but he’s the only one who can have some sort of approach with the girl.

youtube

Never forget Choco Bank, the webdrama that showed the most lover boy side of him

The problem is that the face behind k*i, jgin, never fit this description. In interviews, variety shows and other appearances, he never showed himself as the kind of guy the agency was pushing him to be. He was quiet, even shy, wasn’t comfortable with people he wasn’t close to and he expressed it really well (but he always showed how much he cherish someone he loves), talked about subjects like books, favorite movies, life philosophy, motivation... In other words, he had K*i’s face, but inside he expressed himself as jngin.

Things were normal until kxk news blow up back in April 2016. The chaos was made by then with the pictures, the photoshopped pics of them kissing, the date Dispatch chose to reveal the news (doing it on April’s Fool doesn’t help the news crediblity, I’m sorry), the fake receipt of a bought condom and so on. That and other factors were more than enough to bring him down. It was visible his distraught in many occasions and how it affected him (even in terms of projects). So, it’s obvious to conclude how that year was bad for him.

In 2017, things started to change for him. In june of that year the couple was reported to have broken up. Around the time, his media appearance got bigger and bigger. He had roles in dramas and covering The Big Issue magazine (which sold 80.000 copies, proving his popularity was getting stronger).

In June 2018 he got strong on Instagram activities and had the opportunity of showing different sides of himself there (and a lot of other projects as being on another magazines, going to “Gucci Cruise 2019 Fashion Show” (and getting huge attention) and the list goes on.

Of course it’s good to see him getting the attention and recognition he deserves as an artist and dancer. But with all this activities, it’s easy to see that k*i’s persona blent better throught time. And with all this focus on his past “public relationship”, roles he gets, it’s easier to visualize him as the person he was projected to be from the start.

And now we go back to where we started: k*i and jnne dating scandal.

This time, Dispatch didn’t commit the same mistakes she did with kxk. And at least ex0 doesnt have activites like they had right after the news blowed up (Lotte, jgin crying, never forget). SM waited a little longer to confirm (while YG was super wtf with all of it, as usual). Is there chances to see their rs as real? Only time will tell. But the point here is that SM always benefits from k*i “indiscretions” (if it wasn’t the case, they wouldn’t be willing to confirm everything). Dispatch too, considering that their goal is to spread news and make people interested in it.

While readin The Korea Herald’s article about the subject, they posted a fan comment that was amusing to me. In the comment the fan said: “If the rumor is true, be happy with each other.”. But why say that if the company confirmed it? And in a comment made in Allkpop website, the person talked about the affair and said at the end “unless SM wants to distract y’all from something happening in EXO again, hence the dating ‘scandal’”. It’s not the first time this tatic was used.

So, like someone asked: why is always jgin the one who’s caught up on rs scandals? Because it fits his image. Every group has someone with a specific role: the funny one, the quiet one, the sexy and so on. K*i’s actions just matches the role that was given to him from the start (if it wasn’t the case it wouldn’t have anything talking kxk dating back in 2012). When someone does an action that goes distant from the image they want to show, it’s where the blacklash happens (Sun*min getting married, Hy*na rs and so on). For k*i, a guy like him, he just need to see him dating. So he appears more easily than other members that can be also dating.

I hope this text could explain my opinion and show my pov well. Like I said, I wouldn’t mention kd here because it’s not necessary, for now. Considering what happened in 2016, things can be a little awkward for jgin, but he will get better stronger than ever in a few months. And, again, if this couple is not a stunt, don’t worry. Time will tell.

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sabrinaprotectionsquad-blog · 6 years

Text

AU Yea August 31 - The Spectacular Ladybug

@auyeahaugust

Day 31 - dealer’s choice

Decided to upload the beginning of my Ladybug is Spider-man AU. a silly idea which turned way more elaborate than originally intended. Might do a whole series.

This is the end of Au Yea August, it’s been a blast. I’ve written a little over 80.000 words for this event which is SO wild, never written even close to that amount before. It’s been a little stressful but a lot of fun. I’m sad I missed about 10 days but still, awesome stuff.

”30 bucks” Gabriel Agreste stated coldly, reviewing the images on his desk.

“30!? But the ad said 100 for each!” Marinette protested, the photographs she’d taken were good, dynamic and perfectly framed, she couldn’t imagine what was wrong with them.

The serious looking man sighed deeply, lighting a cigarette slowly and looking up at Marinette from his chair.

“Maria was it?”

“Marinette sir”

He waved his hand in a ‘whatever’ motion. “Marinette, if I ask for pictures of Brad Pitt do you know what I want?” he asked coldly, pausing to inhale a breath of smoke, Marinette didn’t answer, figuring he was going to tell her regardless, which he did “I’m not looking for him smiling for a photographer with his wife, if I wanted that I would just take it from his Instagram. No, what I want Marinette…” the way he said her name was condescending and harsh. The blue-haired photographer wished she could look away from his stern, iron gaze, but he held her eyes with his. His cold stare threatening her to even dare look away from him. “- are pictures of him leaving the house of one of his seven mistresses at 4 in the morning; at a party with a nose full of cocaine; having sex with a sandwich.” Marinette almost smiled at the last line, but Agreste’s expression let her know he was dead serious.

He placed a hand on one of the pictures Marinette was proudest of, perfectly posed in mid yo-yo swing, he slid it forward towards her “I do not want pictures because I want to admire her costume choices. I need pictures because I need stories. Ladybug helping an old lady over the streets might make a nice fluff piece in the community papers, but here at the Daily Bugle, we expose the truth, our readers expect us to shine a light at the news and expose the naked, sinful facts.”

Marinette felt her blood freezing as Agreste took another drag of his cigarette without ever breaking eye contact. She felt exposed, fearing that his glaring eyes could somehow see through her clothes at the red, dotted costume hiding just under her wrinkled suit. She’d faced several villains since she first jumped in spandex, but she’d rather face an army of superhuman lizard people than have to even think about what would happen if this man was somehow able to figure out her identity.

“But… what if there are no… sinful facts sir? Maybe she really is just a hero?” she half smiled at the unamused man in front of her.

Gabriel sighed deeply, putting out his cigarette “heroes don’t wear masks. There’s only one reason to hide yourself from the world, because you have something to hide. Even if Ladybug actually believes she’s a hero, she’s still inspiring any unstable person in New York to jump in their mom’s stockings and hit the streets with their father’s gun. If she really wanted to help she would join the police or stay out of it and leave it to the professionals.”

Marinette could feel herself shaking, she wanted to tell him off, to convince him how wrong he was. But if she tried to he might suspect something, it was already risky to start taking pictures of herself, she had to keep her identity secret no matter what. Agreste took out a notebook and started writing in it, breaking eye contact with Marinette for the first time since he looked up from her photos. It gave Marinette a chance to finally breathe, to find her confidence a little bit again.

“Maybe she has a reason!”

Agreste ripped the piece of paper out of his notebook and collected all but three of the pictures, then gave that to Marinette.

“Show this to Alya outside, she’ll pay you.”

Marinette took the things handed to her instinctually, she needed more money than this measly hand-out, but at least it was a start. She boiled with the need to tell the smug bastard off but she decided to swallow her pride and walk away like an adult.

“Oh and one last thing. Don’t meet your heroes. They will always disappoint you.”

Marinette closed the door to the office behind her then sighed heavily, she felt like she’d aged 5 years in the short conversation with the ruthless editor in chief.

She unwrapped a hard candy and popped it in her mouth, the sweet treat filling her mouth with strawberry and mellowing out her body. She’d always had a sweet tooth, but after she became Ladybug sweets had become like an addiction, she could influence her mood with candy, she could even get drunk off of it. She told herself not to overdo it, but it was hard to actually live by.

“First time meeting Gabriel?” a friendly amused voice rang out from next to her, Marinette hadn’t even noticed someone sitting so close to the office. The voice belonged to a brown and red-haired woman, she wore large glasses which framed her face, a dark brown lipstick to match her beautiful dark skin. She wore a women’s business suit and her long hair was partially braided, running back into a bun.

She looked like the type of woman who spends 3 hours getting ready for her shift at 6 am, the kind of woman who had her things in order. Meanwhile, Marinette spend her nights patrolling the city, slept until noon, threw on a t-shirt and pants and maybe remembered to brush her hair before putting it in the pigtails she’d worn since grade 4.

“uh, yea… he’s a little intense” Marinette smiled back at her.

“Don’t let him get you down if he bought your pictures that means he loves them, though he’d never admit it. Here, let me take care of it” she reached a handout and received Agreste’s note, reading it over quickly.

“Sheesh, you’re gonna have to take a lot more photos if you wanna afford that Lamborghini.” She smiled up at Marinette, handing her three ten dollar bills.

Marinette half smiled as she received the money, thanking the woman and turned to walk away dejected, knowing she wouldn’t be able to pay rent this month either.

“Hold on there girl, let me see your pictures” the wonder woman of the business world called her back. Marinette tried putting on a brave face as she faced her. She handed her pictures down to the woman who began inspecting them professionally. Looking at the workplace beauty Marinette couldn’t help but compare their age, she definitely wasn’t older than Marinette, she might even be younger, and she looked like she had her entire life together. Maybe she’d spend less time eating radioactive ladybugs, but it wasn’t like Marinette’s life had been on the fast track before then.

“These are good! You’ve got a real way with framing. I’m Alya by the way” she extended her hand to Marinette who was all too happy to shake it and take the praise, it was nice hearing someone other than her parents complimenting her photography skills.

“How did you get these? Some of our reporters have been chasing that bug for weeks without getting a good shot like this!”

“oh uh… the trick is to let her come to you” Marinette chuckled awkwardly “I keep up with reports on where she currently is and try to guess which way she’ll leave, then sometimes I get lucky” Marinette knew someone would end up asking her about it, she was glad Agreste hadn’t been the one to do so, his intense stare would have made her forget the line she practiced at least twenty times in the mirror.

Alya whistled impressed “you’ve got a real sense for this!”

“according to Agreste a real sense for this would mean finding people f… having sex with… sandwiches” saying it out loud she felt so silly, how in the world could he have said something like that with a straight face, more importantly, how could she possibly have listened to it with a straight face!?

Alya burst out laughing “right that was a fun news week!”

“Wait! That actually happened!?” Marinette asked horrified.

“Oh Gods, no, but because of an editing mistake, two stories lay on top of one another in a way that made it read like that. Thankfully we caught it in time but we all use it sometimes, y’kno, workplace banter and such. Just glad no one was fired.” Alya smiled heartily at Marinette, giving her a sense that the wonder woman in front of her was actually really kind, she really was the whole package.

Alya tapped the pictures contemplatively “you need money right?”

“Of course but I’ll tell you now, butt-stuff is extra,” Marinette said jokingly making Alya laugh.

Alya got up and opened the door to Agreste’s office, Marinette swore she could feel a chill coming from inside the monsters den, she couldn’t believe Alya could just rip the door open without even knocking, wasn’t she afraid he’d eat her!?

“Hey Gabe, I’m taking pigtails to the gala, I need a good photographer k?” Gabe? The man sitting in that office could be called many things, but Gabe could not possibly be one of them.

To Marinette’s surprise, Gabriel walked over to stand in the door, taking in the two women.

She could feel his judging eyes sizing her up even more than before, an unhappy twinge at the corner of his lip. “It’s your call Alya. It might do you some good Marinette, to see what a real hero looks like. Though do wear something more appropriate, you’ll be there to record the news, not make them.”

Marinette wanted desperately to tell him off again, but she was painfully aware that she looked like a hobo that walked in off the streets; she didn’t have a leg to stand on.

“Yes, boss” Alya winked at him, making finger-guns playfully as he disappeared again into his office.

Alya smiled broadly at Marinette who could only chuckle back nervously.

#au yeah august #miraculous fanfiction #Miraculous ladybug #marinette dupen-chang #Spider-bug #SPS writes

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sunshinetoday · 6 years

Note

Do you think the outrageous ticket prices are because of Brad stealing a portion of the money or David hurting for money?

Hello, Anon. I’m sorry in advance but this is a f*cking long post. Here is my two penny’s worth:

Venues can invite the bands to play at theirs,or bands can call the places, in search of some place where they’d like to play.😊 Themanager already has a set price for their bands so when they get come to agreementwith a venue, they quote this. Prices are set, considering: Location + capacity+ the popularity & prestige of the band + profit. Like if a band agrees toplay in a University event, they won’t ask for the same money as they’d for aprofessional, profit-orientated place tickets are cheaper. …Itis a very common approach. Let’s say you are running a venue and hired a band. Your costsare:

Band:420.000Ft (1300EUR)

Othercosts: 80.000 (245EUR) - food, drinks, maybe accommodation of the band + the extremewishes.

The cost for this event is 500.000Ft (1545EUR). Sofar you have 1545EUR credit in your budget. You need to earn this back + set %of profit. How to earn this back? Admission tickets. You’ll set the pricesof the event considering all the above. So, yes, in the end, venue sets the ticketprices, but it’s highly influenced by how much the band costs. The venue’s income is their box office sales.

In Budapest: ~2000 people can fit thevenue and the average ticket price is 21.600Ft. If it’s sold out - which theyaim for – the generated income from tickets: 43,200,000.00Ft. Let’s say 10%could purchase M&G. + 13,600,000.00Ft = 56,800,000.00Ft (175.265GBP) That’s the total income. Now, you must minus the tax, the payable royalties, the %for the ticket provider, the fee to pay the band – I won’t mention the billsand such because that is usually different budget, so irrelevant in this topic- and the rest is your profit. You pay the band, you’re done. If the cooperation goes well,

you’ll find a nice cooperationin-between bands and venues. They will play there again, they’ll have concertsscheduled often…If the cooperation is not good for the venue or the band, theywon’t play there ever again. If Brad prices the band without acknowledging anyof the previously mentioned factors, then he will quote an unreasonable highamount of what the band costs, and he gets shit tons of money in his pocket. Plus, it’s possible that if you are setting up an unprofessionalfee, many of the venues are not going to be willing to work with you…Which isinteresting, looking at this strange whatever venue this concert is at. David’sband is defined as ‘alter rock’ so why the hell would you organise it at aplace where people need to sit?! I remember, last time in Paris, they had thesame setup and it was horrible. For the audience and the band, too. + It’scertainly an interesting fact that they don’t play at any of the same venues(except Vienna, which is not surprising)

And last, just to compare: One of the most common venues inBudapest, for foreign bands to play is the Arena. I’ve attended some concertsthere, among those were The Cure and Depeche Mode. Their general admission feeis around 25.000Ft (75EUR), it’s an awesome venue, very famous and has theopportunity for people to NOT SIT AT A CONCERT. Because honestly, who the fucksits at concerts?! I mean, of course you can, but most people prefer not to. Anyhow,Nicki Minaj has an upcoming concert there for also 80EUR general admissionfee. David’s general fee is 107EUR . M&G is 210EUR. So yeah, I am pretty sure that Brad hasno idea how to do anything. He set the highest price for M&G in Hungary. It costs £50 more than in London. I am sure that this whole tour is a scam, and I amvery sorry that this is how far we it got.

I think music genuinely has a healing power, and attending a concert, meeting the musician should be available to all…*

#i hope this is the last post about this #we will be back to normal content after this #but this charade makes me so angry

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pennyskitten · 6 years

Text

Imagine being the Internet and, because you're a new creature, Pennywise is curious about you.

I want to thanks the anon who sent me the Kerberos message for the inspiration 😙

The power you were feeling was incredible: so much possibility, so much knowledge, so much information.

You were everywhere and nowhere at the same point, living in you own universe with information all around you.

At one point, you noticed that one particular words were appearing more often than others.

Clown. Killer. Darry.

Out of curiosity, you decided to find the source of the word until you find yourself in the computer of a library.

You closed your eyes and shrug: in a milliseconds, you were out of the monitor.

You were starting to think about a way to understand what was going on when you felt it.

A presence, all around you, more ancient e more powerful than anything you ever met.

But when you looked around, you didn't see anyone that could be the source.

With a shiver, you understand that it was the place: every books, every chairs, every brick of the library was soak in that power and you were sure that if you went out, it would be the same.

"Who is here?" you thought "and how i find them?"

With another shiver, you started to feel a sensation, like something was pulling inside your belly: they knew you were here.

Gulping, you started to walk, following the strange force, until you found yourself in front of a old creepy house.

Neibolt House, on sale, $80.000.

Your brain was filled in a second with information about the house and the more you knew, the more you were scared.

But the pull didn't stopped and you found yourself walking again.

You tried to turn around and run away, but the thing was more powerful.

Before you knew, you were in the decrepit dirty living room.

The pull stopped, but another force invested you, dressed like clown.

You researched for a electric socket, an old phone or an electrical cable, but there was nothing that can help you escape from the drooling clown above you.

-What are you? - he hissed.

You were watching his sharp teeth, but answer quickly when he gripped your throat with his gloved hand.

-The internet? - he repeated, a little confused.

-Yes- you croaked, your vision becaming blurred - I... I can...show...

You were almost passed out when he released you.

-Do it- he ordered.

-I can't- you coughed - i need a electricity.

In a fast movement, you were threw on his shoulder.

He walked in the near house and, for the sake of the people who lived here, it was empty.

-Do it- he repeated sitting you down on the floor.

In front of you there was an electric socket.

You wested no time and you ran, teleporting home.

-That was close!

You tried to find some information about the thing, but you found nothing on the ancient being.

Your life returned to normal.

You suspended in your void, surrounded by information and energy.

This, until you see something smal, but so dangerous.

Your name.

-Come to play- was the message written below.

#pennywise x you #pennywise it #it pennywise #pennywise #pennywise x reader #pennywise the dancing clown #it clown #it fandom #it fanfiction #pennywise fandom #pennywise fanfiction

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senju-sekhmet · 3 years

Text

The Leash (Part 3)

Summary: Your rescue was supposed to be as smooth as these missions can be. However very quickly, Tobirama faces off against an enemy that has no form, color or smell - and time is running short, very fast. Unless he figures out what truly holds you hostage, your life will be lost. Warnings (for the finished work): Blood, illness, descriptions of heavy injuries and graphic violence, torture (both depicted and implied), needles, morally grey territory, human experimentation, panic attacks, character death ~7000 words (this chapter, finished work: 80.000) Previous: Part 1; Part 2 Read on AO3! Disclaimer below the cut!

DISCLAIMER! -i reckon I don’t need the paste it again... but in short: this is a purely self-indulgent work which contains a lot of my own headcanons and whatnot. It’ll get darker! And more dramatic. But this chapter is a little bit different, reader gets some pov, though i should say in this fic- it’s.. divided, ahah. thank you so much for reading!! Your world was on fire. Every fiber of your body had burned up as your muscles were cramping. Desperately, you had been straining to free yourself of this somehow , alleviate the pain somehow , but everything just hurt . Both dull and sharp at the same time; either you were being restrained or your muscles wouldn’t obey - but you couldn’t move much. Your head was swimming with a sharp headache that made focusing on anything besides the internal turmoil impossible, and while this certainly was not the worst pain you had experienced by far, it was vexing in its own ways. It felt like splitting open from the inside, slowly; every muscle, every fiber, every single thing that made you was being spliced open, set on fire and was burning, burning, burning. You weren’t even sure how this had started - you merely remembered being rescued. Tobirama had been carrying you out of the dreaded cell you were sure you’d die in. You had been zoning out frequently then, but that hadn’t surprised you. It was just normal for you - first came the torture, then the crushing exhaustion. Actually you were pretty sure he had taken you to the hospital. At least you thought so. You were supposed to be safe, now. So what was happening to you? Had the rescue failed? Did the Stone get you back? Was this a new form of torture? What was Tobirama doing? You didn’t know how much time had passed nor where you actually were now - all you knew was this horrid sensation of burning out from the inside and your inability to escape it. Trapped. As per usual. Very distantly, you thought you heard a familiar voice speak to you - he sounded anguished. Sorrowful. Instinctively, you wanted to console him and his obvious regret. You wouldn’t break now. Frankly, you had endured worse. This, you just… would adapt to, too. Then, you felt your head - at least you thought it was your head - being seized by yet another vice grip. You whimpered. This wasn’t boding well for you. Panic started to flare, but it was hard to feel anything despite the inside burn that ate you alive.

Something reached for your jaw, pressing down and forward behind the joint so hard you knew what this was about: they were forcing your mouth open. The procedure was frightfully familiar by now.

They wanted to drug you again.

Hysteria was rushing through your veins so fast, for a moment it eclipsed everything else.

Peripherally, a deep voice spoke again. To you, maybe. You didn’t know. You’d never beg for mercy. But you desperately wished they’d just stop. You wanted to scream back. Whether or not a sound came out you didn't know.

So it wasn’t over, yet - and you were horribly aware of all that would follow: excruciating pain until you’d pass out, until your voice had broken completely and no sound could come out anymore - and merciless assaults on your mind you absolutely must keep guarded for the sake of everyone at home. It was violating.

Your stomach roiled. Tears flowed.

You were supposed to be safe.

The heavy liquid began to coat your tongue. You wanted to spit it back at them. They were too fast. Whoever held your jaw expertly shut your mouth closed and applied pressure to your airway so that it was near impossible to do so much as utter a single peep.

Swallow, or suffocate. Well, with the way your head was wrenched back, the substance was dripping down your pharynx already anyway.

Under tears, you swallowed.

Instantly, the pressure was gone from your neck, jaw and head.

You stilled. Whatever had been fuelling the fire that had been burning you out died out rapidly. You took a few, even breaths.

It wouldn’t last, of course. As usual, it started with your head swimming - an innocent, lighthearted feeling. Tipsy, even. Then everything intensified. As if someone turned every single sensation of your body to maximum.

It hit you all at once.

You were sure you heard a drop falling from a sink in the room you were in. There had been no sink in the torture room. But you were already lying on the table. No restraints though. Weird. Instead, two people were fixating your body on it with their bare hands, you realised. It hurt. Your whole body hurt. It always hurts. Every single injury they had inflicted upon you echoed through you. These people were pressing down on them. They might as well be driving the knives, saws and drills again through you. That was how intense it felt. Their grip started to loosen up. Had they read your mind? Low rustle of cloth being worn. Someone’s breath, not far away from your face. The scent. Familiar.

Your eyes flew wide open.

The light above was blazing down on you. You were sure it’d signe your skin off with how intense it felt.

You drew ragged breaths.

Your gaze fell on the man’s face whose breaths had been above you.

Recognition hit you like a punch in the gut.

Tobirama.

His expression was shadowed by the way too damn bright light in the ceiling.

Nothing made sense anymore. He shouldn’t be here when it was so obvious all this - all this was the start of yet another session of indescribable agony.

Your hands gripped the edges of the table. It felt like your skin had been peeled off when they did. Bile rose in your throat.

“Y/n,” Tobirama uttered. His voice was - different. Haunted. Wrought with a kind of worry not to be put in words only. And loud. It all was so loud.

You groaned and began to heave your chest off of the table, surprised nobody slammed you back down.

Your breaths came shorter now, more shallow. Your wild eyes darted around the room to take in your surroundings. This wasn’t the terrible room you usually came to when they had forced something down your throat. There were cabinets in here whose contents you already could guess nonetheless - by your feet, someone you didn’t know.

A window? There were no windows underground.

Your heartbeat hammered so hard in your chest, you thought it’d jump out any second, now. The aches in your body were intensifying. Swelling. The noises became louder. You heard the blood flowing through your skull.

This must be a genjutsu of some kind then, no? That was the only explanation. The Stone shinobi were trying a new angle to make you writhe, whimper. To break you. You groaned, a hand meeting your face. The sensation of your own skin on your face felt alien. Like your nails were clawing at your bare muscle tissue.

“What are you waiting for?”, you spat, your voice still broken. It always was. And way too loud in your own ears. Your hand slapped back down on the table. You whimpered for the pain that caused you.

The illusion of Tobirama knitted its eyebrows. Did it look uncertain?

The colors of the room were looking way too vibrant now. Blurring. Each of your past wounds now was searing through your flesh. You trembled.

It wouldn't be long, now. You groaned.

You looked down on yourself and found nothing but a gown on you. Did the thing just move on its own? Was there… was there blood on you?

Had they begun to torture you already?

Your breath came quicker and more shallow now.

“What’ll it be? Sawing my ribs up again?”, you continued, sneering now. Except the tremor made your voice shaky. Hardly arrogant. You’d pay so much for this kind of defiance later. Their loss for not subduing you better. “Or maybe you’ll cut open my arms and legs again? Drill a hole into my bones? Go ahead, you fucking cowards, I won’t break.”

The one looking like Tobirama hung his head low now. His breaths came ragged, his shoulders were heaving each time he took one. When he looked back up, you balked for a moment at how agonized his gaze was. “This isn’t a genjutsu, Y/n,” he began slowly. His deep voice was supposed to be soothing. But there was an undercurrent in it - a slight shake to his timbre you had never heard before. Hah, you wouldn’t fall for that. “We saved you, remember?” He released a hand that was gripping the table to make a familiar sign and mumbled: “Release.”

Nothing happened.

You threw your head back in a bitter laugh. "As if I wouldn't know what comes next by now." Everything in the room was morphing. Forms were twisting. Your legs looked broken - no, they were broken by how it all hurt. There was blood on your skin. Gushing wounds that littered your body - it was all breaking up. You were splitting up. "You've already started," you wheezed, giving in to the tremor that shook you and slumping back onto the table.

"Nobody is going to hurt you," the voice that belonged to the Tobirama-illusion spoke - the voice that damn sounded like him, albeit still anguished like you've never heard him before. The jitter had gotten worse. It was… desperation?

A hand touched your shoulder.

You shrieked from the sheer agony that caused you. You were sure they were driving a metal pole through your joint - "No!", you shouted frantically.

You twisted to the side, recoiling from the sensation and ignoring how this must mess up your horribly disfigured limbs.

"Y/n!", another voice was heard. It was familiar, from behind you. You didn't care to look back who it was. "Should we-"

"Wait!"

They were all so fucking loud. If nobody was going to stop you, then -

You rolled to the side to where you knew the table would end, eyes widening at how high up it was. You'd break your legs if you went down there-

Whatever.

In a fluid motion, you were on your feet. At the same time, you heard the voice that sounded like Tobirama's call out: "Y/n, no!" - another hand wanted to seize your arm, probably saw it off-

Blackness framed your vision as your shaking legs tried to support your body's weight. It was painful. So damn painful. You wheezed at the agony past clenched teeth. There were bony splinters sticking out of your skin. Blood trickled down your skin. Your wheeze became a holler of anguish. "Fuck," you stuttered, grasping for the edge of the damn table as your abused appendages gave in and you slowly sunk to the floor.

Within a second, Tobirama was in front of you. You could barely make out his form anymore, everything was becoming a distorted mess and your mind was overrun by sensations. You couldn't tell what part of yourself didn't hurt at this point, you didn't even know how you were sitting on the floor now. Only that you were. Probably.

"Y/n," his voice was panicked now. At least it was supposed to sound like that. You closed your eyes. At this point, all you saw was just frightening. "We're at home, you're safe and whatever is going on - it's not real."

These words alone were enough to drive you over the edge. Your abused voice became wrecked by laughter, a horribly disfigured sound even in your own sound simply for how off it sounded. "Yeah? Then why the fuck am I feeling like this?" You opened your eyes. The world was an inhomogeneous mass of colors, moving blotches. The Tobirama-illusion was just a black patch of something in front of you with a voice that sounded way too much like his own. "You fucking drugged me!", your voice rose to a shrill screech that hurt your eardrums so much you thought they'd rip. Not that you'd care.

You heard a perfectly anguished whimper. "I'm so sorry," the voice whispered, again filled with more agony than you ever heard from him before. It made you balk for a moment. "Forgive me, Y/n - please, forgive me. We had to."

A shudder ran through you. You closed your eyes again.

This was too much. All of this.

"You were dying, Y/n," Tobirama's tormented voice reached you again, persistent. Insistent. "We had no choice." Who was he trying to convince?

You stilled completely.

It obviously had to be a nightmare- a genjutsu- anything- "Tobirama would never…", you croaked, voice breaking with despair.

You heard a sharp inhale.

"Y/n," he sounded closer now, his voice almost as broken as yours. "Forgive me. Tell me what to do."

Your heart hammered frantically again and your hands rose to your ears to cover them. You were bursting with everything - the excruciating pain, the overtuned senses, how real Tobirama's voice sounded, not knowing what was real-

Sobs were starting to wreck your body before you knew it.

A hand touched your arm.

You hissed, eyes flying open, swatting it away - but you didn't see anything besides a mush of colors. "Don't fucking touch me!" Your voice was a shrill screech.

He made a sound as though someone punched all the air out of his lungs - a low huff, cutting off quickly but so pained, it felt like someone stabbed his heart. Yours, too. It was hard to register between everything.

You started to scramble away from your current position - blindly, you navigated on your hands and knees. It was like dragging yourself over glass shards. It sure felt like those were digging themselves into your bleeding skin. You pathetically sobbed in pain.

"Tobirama-", the other voice started.

"Don't, Hashirama," he was quick to reply, firm but still anguished.

That anguish in his voice. It was so real.

Frankly it was about the only thing you were willing to believe in.

You must have reached a wall when your head bumped into something. Perhaps a cabinet. You didn't care. You curled up there, tucking your knees to your body and hiding your face. A rocking motion settled in, subconsciously.

"He'd never do this," you muttered. Over and over again.

_________

Tobirama was reeling.

The last time he had felt his very world shaking like this was when they had brought his brother's mangled corpse into the Senju compound.

Everything he had just seen - heard-

Damn, what had he done to you?

Ever since rescuing you, it all had been a series of failures, culminating in this: your haggard form pressed against a wall, whispering to yourself and rocking back and forth in what Tobirama knew was stereotypical behaviour meant to soothe yourself. He had seen this before in victims of torture.

The way you had recoiled from him might as well have been a very physical blow from a weapon.

But your words - your words, they had shattered his heart in a way only you could have. Your abused voice, your wide-eyed, near insane gaze: Tobirama would never.

He had.

He damn had.

He felt he had no right being here anymore - near you. How could he, when he had failed you, over and over again? Not to mention what you had been going through - at the very least, the 'leash' had altered your perception of reality in ways that made you feel pain. Hell, who knew - maybe it had caused you pain. But to see you, your strong and dignified presence so broken down - broken into nothing but a husk of yourself - it made him shudder to guess at what was going on inside you. The ache of his own heart was driving him insane - as was his sheer, mad desire to protect you - he couldn’t, he simply couldn’t, instead he had done this to you.

Slowly, he started to question if he actually truly could protect you - ensure your wellbeing, make you heal.

He'd go with no right now.

Yet what was the alternative? Giving up - giving up was not an option. Never. Especially not with you. Humbly he’d accept all the anguish his heart suffered from his moment, the crushing guilt from his actions against you - necessary ones, but cruel altogether.

No, he'd never forgive himself.

He could only hope you would.

He blinked at his palms, laying on his thighs after he had sunken to his knees, shoulders slumped. A hand rested on his shoulder. Hashirama's.

"Tobirama," he began slowly, lowering himself to eye-level with him.

Tobirama couldn't help but narrow his eyes to slits. Hashirama had been the one to press for giving you the damn drug-

And he felt guilty right after. Tobirama had allowed it. Shifting blame was the act of a coward.

Besides, Hashirama had been right. Though you certainly were in a deplorable state now, the life-threat seemed to have passed.

Moments of silence passed. Duly he noted the nurse had left the room. Maybe Hashirama had sent her away. Tobirama didn't care anymore.

"Looks like we saved her." Tobirama's baritone voice was caustic.

Hashirama sighed. "We're going to find an antidote. This is temporary, remember?"

Time to pick himself up again and focus on finally solving a problem for once.

This was a new enemy you were up against he needed to figure out and then defeat.

Tobirama sucked in a sharp breath, gaze snapping back at you. Of course. The clock was just reset. But ticking again. "Twelve hours until we have to make her go through all this again. At most." His voice was a hiss with how hard his teeth were pressed together. His jaw hurt.

Tobirama rose to his feet then, his gaze never leaving you. Your sight pained him, but he'd take it - he deserved this. His arms crossed in front of his chest. The mind had begun to race again. "She was different when we found her in the hideout," he began, tongue clicking in thought.

Hashirama followed suit, also considering you with a sympathetic gaze. He nodded.

Tobirama rubbed a hand over his face. "Based on what we witnessed now, it seems after indigestion, this 'leash' has an… immediate effect," his voice became raspy. Frail. He had to take a pause. Then, "Followed by a phase of exhaustion. After which withdrawal sets in."

"It would seem so," Hashirama agreed, humming in ponder himself. The noise annoyed Tobirama.

"Can't you think quietly?", he snapped.

"Tobirama…"

He all but ignored his brother's reply.

"We must synthesise more of this drug firstly," Tobirama darkly ascertained right after, "A cure seems unlikely on such a tight schedule. Focusing our efforts is key; otherwise we'll run out of time." He felt physically unable to phrase the outcome any other way.

Both brothers knew, though.

"In doing so, finding an antidote will become easier anyhow," Hashirama added thoughtfully, sparing Tobirama from voicing what hung in the air. That much was certain. They'd have to understand how this drug was made up before finding ways to counter it.

You were still huddled up at the wall, unintelligibly mumbling while a fine tremor shook your body. If only there were a way to alleviate your torment. Tobirama knew better than to approach you again.

"Is there nothing we can do for her?", he asked, half to himself, half to his brother - the pain was becoming him again with how hushed that had come out. "She can't stay like this." This was beneath your dignity.

Hashirama hummed in ponder again. "We could put her to sleep, I suppose," he finally suggested, but the hesitation was obvious in his voice. "At this point I'm not sure how anything is going to affect her, though."

Tobirama couldn't help but crack a cynical chuckle. Of course it'd come down to that. "Restrain her again and take away what freedom she has, you mean." He absolutely loathed that his choices were restricted between inflicting more torment on you or simply taking you out - confining you to your own mind, really.

When would he finally do something to heal you?

He took a step closer towards you.

"Tobirama, let me do it," Hashirama interjected, readily taking a step towards you, too.

"No." Tobirama cut him off sharply. This was his duty. His burden to bear. He wouldn't run away from it or hide behind his brother.

Hashirama sighed, but knew better than to try and stop Tobirama.

Slowly, Tobirama enclosed you and crouched down right in front of you. At this proximity, he could make out your whispers: "He wouldn't do that. It's a trick. It's all a trick. Tobirama would never do this to me." Over and over. He drew in a slow breath if just to help him deal with the fresh agony that washed over him, hearing this again. Knowing what he'd do next made it no easier.

Briefly, he contemplated to try and get through to you again to announce his intention, but he doubted there would be much use in that - you’d been delusional before, adverse to touch and if he’d do so much as hint at forcing you to sleep, you most likely wouldn’t take it kindly. The cynicism of the situation was cutting, really.

He'd just do this as fast as he could.

Channeling chakra of his own for a moment, his hand shot out and seized the back of your neck within the blink of an eye.

You shrieked, half in surprise, half in pain - your head shot up, eyes wide and the gaze nothing short of crazed. "Get away from me!", you wrenched out, tears forming.

Tobirama's lips formed a thin line, his chakra then grazing over your network in preparation of what he'd do next: sending a strong pulse to your brain; specifically the regions that controlled awareness and consciousness. However he balked when he felt you - really felt you: your chakra network was near mute. The flow of chakra within you was so slow, it might as well have been stopped. He could feel how it tried to repel his own pelting over yours, but no more than that happened. The response was lazy - frozen, almost.

Your hands had seized his forearm then and were trying to pry it off, shrieks mingling between desperate sobs. "Stop it!", you yelled, over and over. But your attempts were feeble at best and the weeks of imprisonment had stolen near all of your strength. You were in no shape to remove Tobirama's iron grip on your neck, which he reinforced lest your assault would impede on his examination - though sadly once more he had to come to grips with this shadow of your former self. It hurt - it just hurt.

Tobirama then took a deep breath, cursing when he exhaled it.

There was an opportunity in this, right now.

He hated himself for the way too logical thought he just had - but he wouldn't pass up the option that just offered itself to him now. Even if going through with it felt like yet another atrocity he’d commit; darkly he realised he’d been setting one new record after the other ever since you had been taken. This, this would be his next feat.

"Y/n," he began, his baritone voice low again, "I promise, I won't rest until I've freed you from this and healed you." His voice shook from sincerity and anguish alike - a broken sound that was testament to the turmoil and yet so quiet again, reserved for your ears only. His heart wanted to jump out of his chest. "Forgive me for all I have to do for that though, I never want to hurt you," he continued. But it seems I will have to, at least indirectly.

You continued to claw weakly at his arm. He held your frightened gaze. How much of all this reached you, he didn't know. Perhaps he could tell you later again. But it helped a little with what he did next.

His free hand seized your thin wrists effortlessly to pry them off his forearm to no hamper his focus. Your wails increased in protest, you pleaded for him to stop desperately, under tears. "Don't do this," you whimpered, over and over again.

His grip on both your wrists and the back of your neck was unrelenting.

It tore at his heart in ways only you could. "Forgive me," he muttered again before closing his eyes to focus on you again - your muted chakra network.

And more importantly, your body itself - to examine the effects of the drug on you, as of right now. It was cruel - he extended your suffering, he hated himself for it, but there was no other way if he wanted to understand what was happening. You, on the other hand, vehemently protested the examination he was giving you; such a procedure did not hurt the slightest - it should not. Therefore he could only guess that right now, it must cause you immense discomfort, but he continued anyway. He had to. Distantly, he felt your body shift, - maybe your legs kicking out, against him? - he all took it humbly and with no more than a huff. He deserved it and then some.

However no matter how hard he looked, he couldn't find a trace of bodily harm inside of you, besides what he already knew of. His focus shifted to your brain then -

He understood.

For all your chakra network lacked, your brain made up. The firework of nerves of each of your sensory cortices was a light that was too bright for Tobirama to investigate further - but if he were to guess, the 'leash' was responsible for this kind of overclocking. Everything made a lot more sense then: your pained reactions, your inaccessibility to logic. To put it plainly, they had taken every single sense and turned it up infinitely. Tobirama wouldn't be surprised if you could hear his own heartbeat right now. Quite possibly you had also been suffering from hallucinations as the unfed mind would begin to devour itself.

It was the perfect outlet for torture. Especially if the goal was to break the mind. Susceptible to everything it was exposed to.

Especially pain.

Tobirama felt the white-hot rage burn in his veins again.

And yet you had withstood.

He quickly understood why. The longer he examined your brain, the more your resistance grew - and he hadn't even done as much as gauge your mental defenses, much less prod at them - this was just a physical examination. But your otherwise mute chakra had begun to swirl, to gather - and while it certainly lacked the strength to repel him, it began to coat you like a defensive mantle. The connection was withering.

Enough, he decided.

With no small amount of sorrow he let his chakra pelt yours in a familiar, soothing way - a feeble attempt to calm you down if just by trying to make you recall the many times you two had done this.

Convince you it was really him, he, would do just about anything to protect you.

Maybe, just maybe you stilled for a moment.

Then, he let his chakra smother the part of your brain that was responsible for your consciousness. Gently, quickly.

Humanely.

You stilled completely, your fight stilled.

Tobirama opened his eyes.

You were sacked against the wall, head hanging down, feet no more pressed against him.

He felt forlorn, spent. It was all too much.

He didn't even know how to name what was going on inside of him exactly anymore, it was all a garbled mass of sorrow, heartache, guilt and protectiveness.

He pulled you closer slowly to gather your gaunt form in his arms again. The hand that was on your neck snuck around to lock around your shoulders and the other freed your wrists and reached under your legs. Momentarily, he simply pressed his face to your hair and breathed in your familiar scent. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, wetness budding in his eyes again, though no tears would fall anymore. "I'll protect you." He simply was spent.

Then, he rose to his feet and turned towards Hashirama, who had arched up both eyebrows questioningly. The length of Tobirama's endeavour had not escaped him.

"I examined her to ascertain the effects of the drug," Tobirama confessed readily, dejectedly. His head spun, his heart ached so much again he wondered about how it still pumped blood evenly. That particular muscle had hurt so much lately it was a miracle it still worked as it did.

"I see," Hashirama replied, gently. "What did you find?"

"Let's take her to a room first. She'll be staying here longer, it would seem." Tobirama didn't want to speak more yet. He needed to regain his composure again before he'd explain. Besides, he still had to process all that just happened.

Hashirama nodded and motioned for Tobirama to follow him.

He tightened his grip around your far too light body and followed him, looking down just once - your face looked more peaceful now than it had in hours. That, at least, was a relief. Although he still had wished it wouldn’t have happened this way. The wards were located on the second floor. Tobirama didn't look left or right at any curious faces - they knew better than to stare at you. Eventually they reached an empty room in one of them, Tobirama carefully placed you on the bed and draped the blanket over you. Then, he sat down on the bed, extending a hand to ghost over the side of your face in an utterly tender way.

He took a deep breath before rising up again and meeting his brother's expectant glance.

"This drug," he began slowly, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers, "It has a psychotropic component. All of her senses were extremely heightened." He crossed his arms. “It’s no surprise she was delusional.”

Hashirama himself moved into the room to stand beside Tobirama, but glanced down at you. His forehead wrinkled in a sorrowful motion. "I see. That would… make sense, indeed."

Tobirama could only give an affirmative click of his tongue to that. Cruel sense, indeed. He then ventured to explain in more detail the findings of his examination, as neutral as possible.

The truth was, the exhaustion was taking its toll on him by now. He couldn't remember how long it's been since he slept - he still didn't feel tired. But he was lightheaded and his concentration was faltering. Telltale signs, he knew.

No good. He still had work to do. Less than twelve hours until you needed the next dose. He needed to start on analysing that drug-

"Tobirama." Hashirama cut in. His warm gaze was on Tobirama now.

"What?", he replied, irritated.

"Go to sleep. You've been awake for more than thirty-six hours. We can't do more now." Sternness was leaking into his tone.

Tobirama gave an exasperated sigh. "Nonsense. I'm fine. We need to start working on analysing the contents and workings of this 'leash'."

Hashirama huffed. "We certainly do. But we will do that much better with some sleep."

"Then go. I'll start," Tobirama's eyelids narrowed to tiny slits, his tone became more icy.

Hashirama wouldn’t be fazed this time. "Go home, Tobirama. Don't make me throw you out." He made a meaningful pause. "Because I will."

"Anija!", he was practically growling now. To think his brother actually had the gall to-

Hashirama was unwavering. He really was serious about this.

Both were staring at each other in a silence that was so high-strung, only the faint sounds of your breaths echoed through the room. Another moment passed, then Tobirama huffed in a way that was nothing short of very annoyed.

"I want to be notified the moment she wakes up," he commanded immediately, leaving no question about what might happen if he was not. If he was to follow orders , then he had some demands too.

"Of course. I'll ask Mito," Hashirama found a much more agreeable tone. Throwing his wife's name into the mix was a smart move of course, but it calmed Tobirama only so much.

He should be here.

He reached inside his pocket to retrieve a piece of parchment. A second later, the distinct smell of burnt paper was in the air. He placed the branded item on the nightstand next to your head. With another sorrowful glance, he considered your gaunt form, still perfectly still and asleep. The next moment, he was in his own home. If he hesitated a moment longer, he'd have stayed by your side most likely - his mind was heavy, his heart torn but his brother was right. He was spent, exhausted and this had been a trip into a hell, back again, and then right back into the next hell.

It still took quite some time before sleep claimed him. His mind wouldn't stop to process the information he had gained today and begin to plan his next moves meticulously.

Truth be told, everything was just too quiet here.

Forlorn.

_______

When next you came to, the familiar powerlessness had you in its vice grip. But you had expected that. It always was like that after… after they had done everything to you.

The blanket over your body felt leaden. You didn't complain. Wait - blanket?

Other than the crushing exhaustion, you weren't too bad off. What disturbed you more was the fact you did, in fact, recognize your surroundings: the Konoha hospital.

Which put everything that just happened in a different light.

Your gaze shot left and right frantically to be certain this really was what you believed it to be.

The memory of what must have been a few hours ago was vivid. Way too vivid, in fact. A nightmarish trip you remembered most things of, even though your perception of it had been very jangled, to put it mildly. The voices and persons you misconceived.

The things you had said.

What Tobirama's voice - no, Tobirama - had said-

What he had done. A lump formed in your throat. No, what he had been forced to do. He'd never- You groaned and dragged a hand over your face, happy the sensation felt… normal. But the tiny bit of comfort you had found was blown away. The predicament you found yourself made you uneasy. In fact, you had to fight down the panic budding - The door swung open. A smiling, red-haired woman entered. "Mito," your raspy voice whispered. Her fine eyebrows rose up. "You're awake," a small smile formed on her lips. "Good. There's someone waiting for you." She walked closer to your bedside. Your eyes followed her as she picked a piece of parchment up from the nightstand - and you recognised the seal on it immediately. Your heart skipped a little. "Is Tobirama here?" She chuckled and her smile turned distinctively finer. "Something tells me he will be in a heartbeat." You ducked a little, daring to utter a chuckle of your own. When was the last time you had done that? She winked and turned to leave the room. Instantly, you felt wishing her back. Being alone turned your focus back to yourself - all that just happened - what might happen again? Your breath came shorter. What exactly was going to happen now? Weren't you going to be safe now? Just a few hours ago- Your heart was hammering inside your chest now. With a low groan, you heaved your chest off the bed and sat up. Your abused body protested, but you ignored the aches that pinched and burned through you, echoes of everything the Stone shinobi had done to you. Your eyes were becoming awfully wet- A baritone voice pulled you out of your downward spiral. "Y/n." Your gaze shot up. In the door stood Tobirama, dressed in his black long-sleeved shirt and pants - huffing a little. His scarlet gaze was intense - he was gauging your reaction. When he recognised how laboured your breathing was however and the glint in your eyes, his forehead wrinkled in a worried frown. "What's wrong, Y/n?" He took a step closer. Was he being … cautious? "Are you in pain?" His voice was as firm as ever, but you could tell he was making an effort to be soft. You sobbed. "Tobirama…", your voice was somehow even more frail than before, but shook your head. You beckoned him closer with a wave of your hand, a lead he gladly took. In an instant, he was by your side, sitting carefully down on the side of the bed, giving your blanketed body a quick once over. "Tell me what's wrong, please," he inquired then, now more smooth than before. His hand reached for your shoulder to press you gently back onto the bed. You didn't resist - not that you could, anyway. You shook your head then slightly in regards to his question, already feeling your breathing even out. Your hand reached for his, which again he eagerly took in both of his. With a warm smile you felt his chakra grazing over yours and your network slowly - mingling with yours. You wanted to respond in kind, but you knew your response was too sluggish - your chakra felt drugged still. It had been since your capture. Unsurprisingly, Tobirama wouldn't let go of the issue with a shake of your head. "You were crying, Y/n." His voice was still tender, but there was a certain kind of firmness in it still. You had to smile weakly. Only Tobirama could care for you and still make everything a command. "I think I have a lot of things to cry about." But you were nothing if not known for your sharp tongue. Tobirama visibly flinched. For a moment, you felt bad - perhaps that comment had been too sharp. He closed his eyes momentarily. When he opened them again, he was gazing on the floor, still holding your hand tightly. A thumb began stroking over your skin. "You are right of course," his voice bore a fragment of the anguish you recalled it had born before. "What happened, Tobirama?", you finally asked, gently. He took a deep breath. "You started to deorientate, slowly, after we had rescued you. You were tired first - but then, that turned into somnolence. Not long after, you started to tremble and developed a fever." His voice was sounding neutral, but you could tell there was a low jitter in his baritone voice. "Hashirama and I examined you and we found your chakra network was being disrupted by something - your body had started to repel it. The more it did so, the more you were harming yourself. I … found out it was the effect of the drug the Stone had given you. Or rather, the beginning lack thereof." He frowned, then. "Parts of this drug, anyway." You were silent. It didn't take a genius to figure out how the rest had come to happen, then. A chilling sensation befell you. "They had forced something down my throat frequently," you supplied when Tobirama didn't continue directly. "I didn't realise… at some point, it'd become a necessity." How, anyhow? They always used it to torture you. His grip on your hand became tighter, the brush of his chakra a bit warmer. "We were forced to give you the drug again." He paused, and took a deep breath. "Forgive me, Y/n," he finally gazed back at you. His eyebrows were pulled together in what could only be described as a sorrowful expression, oddly vulnerable. And yet - this being Tobirama - he still carried this air of dignity around him. You gasped - you hadn't forgotten the promise he had made during your delirium. But to hear it from him again, now - it hit differently. Tobirama was a serious man. But the sincerity his voice carried now - the unspoken plea for forgiveness, the guilt - it hurt you. "You had to, Tobirama," you whispered, letting your free hand rub over his exposed forearms to try and alleviate him from his sorrow, to absolve him from his guilt. He closed his eyes for a moment, taking deep breaths. When he opened them again, the sorrow was not yet gone. "We've got no antidote yet, Y/n." A shiver ran down your spine. You gulped. You knew you wouldn't like what he'd say next. "Until we do…", he began slowly, visibly struggling to find the right words. The gentle words, maybe. Tobirama was not a man of gentle words. "You're going to have to take this drug, regularly." The statement hit you like a punch into the gut. Your blood in your veins froze. You closed your eyes which had already begun to burn up already. All of this was supposed to be over now. Except it wasn't. Regularly, you'd be forced to undergo horror trips under the effects of that damn drug. If you didn't, you'd die. You clenched your teeth as you tried to bite back a sob. It was unfair. Well, life was unfair. The weight on the side of your bed shifted. You peeked a bloodshot eye open to find Tobirama now was facing you. His lips were turned down - he looked helpless. You whimpered miserably. "Y/n," he uttered, his voice reveal the hint of a tremor, too. You grasped more tightly at his forearm to pull yourself up with it, groaning lowly with the pain that movement. You felt Tobirama stiffen at first and actually were sure he was sure to shut you down since he'd never stand for you doing anything that hurt yourself - but when you had flung your bony arm around his neck, his eyes widened slightly. Quickly, his hands released yours to hug around your haggard body and pull it close to his. You buried your face in the crook of his neck, breathing in deeply. The sobs still came through, though. A hand rubbed gently over your back, soothingly. "Y/n," he whispered again, your name haunted by anguish. "I don't want to, Tobirama," you breathed against his skin, fisting the fabric of his black shirt with one hand and his silvery hair with the other. "I know," he sighed. "You must." There was no question in his tone, only sorrowful recognition. "If not, the withdrawal will kill you, Y/n." His grip around you became firmer. More desperate. The hand around your shoulder moved to your hair to stroke it gently. "How long… until the next dose?", you asked, dreading the answer already. He sighed. "About four hours. I'm not sure yet when the withdrawal symptoms will set in again." You could only give a whimper in response. He rubbed over your back firmly. "I won't rest until I've got the antidote, Y/n," he continued, the vigour returning to his voice - the tremble, gone. Do not get between Tobirama Senju and his objectives. It reassured you. To know he was the one on this - your face turned slightly to breathe up his neck first, then peck his cheek. "I love you, Tobirama." His response was prompt. He leaned back slightly just to gaze at your face - the determination inside was near tangible. Then, he leaned forward to press his lips against yours, desperate, almost. "I love you too." It wouldn't alleviate the fear of when the next dose came around, no. But you dared to hope now.

#tobirama #tobirama senju #tobirama x reader #tobirama senju x reader #sekhmet writes #senju tobirama #senju tobirama x reader

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senju-sekhmet · 3 years

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The Leash (Part 4)

Summary: Your rescue was supposed to be as smooth as these missions can be. However very quickly, Tobirama faces off against an enemy that has no form, color or smell - and time is running short, very fast. Unless he figures out what truly holds you hostage, your life will be lost. Warnings (for the finished work): Blood, illness, descriptions of heavy injuries and graphic violence, torture (both depicted and implied), needles, morally grey territory, human experimentation, panic attacks, character death ~6500 words (this chapter, finished work: 80.000) Previous: Part 1; Part 2; Part 3 Read on AO3! Disclaimer below the cut!

DISCLAIMER! -i reckon I don’t need the paste it again… but in short: this is a purely self-indulgent work which contains a lot of my own headcanons and whatnot. this chapter especially so! lots of talking and thinking - curious to see what you think!! THANKS FOR READING <3 ----- Tobirama resolved to give you the next dose preemptively. After you had explained to him that during your capture you had never suffered anything like the withdrawal symptoms - or at least you couldn't remember - he expressed concern for the fact the leash might do more permanent damage if stretched too far.

"That means I'm going to have to take it more often," you had whimpered.

Tobirama still had a hard time seeing you so malnourished - a shadow of your former self. But he wasn't going to argue now. "I know," he had answered, keeping his deep voice soft nonetheless. Your precarious state needn't be aggravated by more stress, though he wouldn’t be swayed on this. "However I hardly think they spared you the withdrawal symptoms because they were being fair sports, Y/n." There was a sad logic behind this, of course.

There always was.

You were twisting uneasily in the bed a bit now, blinking a few times. It had not escaped Tobirama's notice that you had seemed to ponder longer - and your movements had become weaker, more sluggish. In fact he had lowered you back to the bed again from the hug you two had shared because he had felt how your muscles had begun to shake - just from sitting up. You had protested of course, but Tobirama wasn't going to change his mind on this, either. You still needed a lot of rest. Besides-

The scales were tipping, slowly. It made his heart heavy.

Finally you had found your words again. "I suppose so." You closed your eyes lazily.

"Y/n…", Tobirama had spoken up again softly, reaching to grasp your hand which felt so cold. "I'll put you to sleep right after you drank it. If we shield you from any outward sensations, it might help." If it came down to it, Tobirama knew he himself would guard the door if he had to. Pray for anyone who disturbed you in your vulnerable state. At the same time, he was aware how unrealistic that was - but either way, it was another concern he’d find a solution to. He always did.

You had given him a weak smile, then. "It's worth a shot."

Tobirama could tell you hadn't exactly placed any hope in that.

He wasn't sure if he did.

That had been two hours ago, now. In the meantime he had worked to set up the laboratory gear needed for the next task at hand: analyse the contents of the drug. Of course the hospital had all the equipment available as well as an empty room in the basement. Tobirama still wanted to be closer to you, but he'd have to make due with a seal placed in your room. Briefly, he contemplated to let a shadow clone of his guard you, but ultimately he decided against it - his focus mustn't be divided, at least not now. Besides, your day was pretty much running by the leash's clock, which Tobirama knew hatefully well by now. He knew when to be with you. Frankly he still was miffed Mito had removed the branded piece of paper he had placed there earlier - now, he opted to ram a marked kunai into the doorframe. The gesture was clear. Hashirama was tending to his duties as Hokage again by now - Tobirama didn't expect to see his brother again too quickly. Not that he'd blame him - there were other pressing matters at hand.

Tobirama also had some other place to visit again for results.

All of the work was good - the focus was welcomed. During it he was entirely absorbed in considering his approaches to the objective as well as his angles in achieving it. The worry had become an undercurrent in his mind - though his heart still felt heavy and the ache never faded, he now was doing something. He channeled it all into the urge to protect you and keep the promise he made.

Though just as he had sworn to do everything to save you - he had pleaded for forgiveness for everything he needed to do for that.

Now would be a time where he'd regretfully hope for the latter again.

He was standing in front of your door again, holding a small vial containing the clear, dreadful liquid. Tobirama made sure to take the exact amount Hashirama had when they drugged you first - it seemed to have been the right amount given how the timeframe had played out. The bottle his brother had secured from the hideout would make up for a handful of dosages. They still were pressed for time, but there was some yet. Some.

He opened the door silently.

You were squirming again slightly - a disorientated nestle in the bed. Your eyes were closed and a fine sheen of sweat was glistening in the red sun of dusk that filtered through the window.

Tobirama frowned. Had he been too late?

Slowly he approached the bed, sighing heavily. He wasn't a man to hesitate, no matter how grim the task. But he would be lying if he said what he needed to do now was tantamount to driving a katana into his own body.

No, he'd actually prefer doing that to this.

He sat down on the edge of the bed. "Y/n," he greeted you softly, a hand reaching for your shoulder to rub it gently and check for your response.

Your head whipped towards him, your eyes wide. They blinked a few times as your hazy mind tried to work out the recognition that was digging itself out of the swamp your thoughts had become again.

You didn't reply, though. But your squirms had stilled, at least.

Tobirama desperately wished this wouldn't need to become an act of force again. One he'd absolutely go through with - but cruel for everyone involved.

"It's time," he whispered, keeping the anguish out of his voice in an attempt at comfort. Inwardly, he was mocking himself for it. Ridiculous.

The response was prompt. A whimper first, then a low groan after your gaze settled on the vial he held. Your head tilted to the side as you rolled your eyes almost comically. Except the occasion was far from laughing. Tobirama silently wondered if you had no strength left to even speak.

It was haunting to think that might be the case.

Wordlessly, his hand reached under your neck to tilt your head up somewhat. You didn't protest - you felt awfully limp, anyway. The ache in Tobirama's heart flared again. He did not yet bring the vial to your lips yet - as much as he hated it, the contents were regretfully precious. He couldn't risk spilling a drop of it and thus watched you carefully for any signs of resistance and by extension any need of restraint. Methodically as he was, the ordeal became more stressful by each passing second.

Your eyelids fluttered as you huffed briefly, another groan escaping your lips. It sounded pained this time. Your head shook pitifully from side to side as your eyes rolled back in their sockets again. Were you trying to shake off the delirium that was creeping up on you? Or were you trying to shake him off? Forcing you would add another dimension of anguish to this procedure - he opted to take a moment, for now.

Try to avoid that at least.

"I know," Tobirama uttered in an attempt to pacify you again. The hand that had grasped around the base of your neck let its fingers stroke the base of your scalp gently. "You have to," he muttered, not being able to keep the agony out of his baritone voice now as a jitter snuck into his tone, "I'll be doing everything I can to make it better, Y/n." He didn't want to promise it would be fine .

For all he knew, he was feeding you poison that would send you on another horror trip.

His heart hammered in a tormented rhythm again.

Your response was yet another anguished groan, but your eyes opened now - fixating him.

"Please, Y/n," he whispered again, no, he pleaded. Please don't make me do worse again, he wanted to say. Instead he massaged your scalp again gently. I would, if I have to, please don’t -

In a rare streak of luck, you stilled then and simply closed your eyes. A fact Tobirama wordlessly uttered gratitude for.

He brought the vial to your lips and tilted it very slightly so the dreaded poison was lapping at your lips.

Your face scrunched.

"I know," he hushed again, though inwardly he tensed. He absolutely must not lose a single drop of this damned substance. If you so much as -

Finally though you opened your mouth slightly to drink it - "Careful," he cautioned quickly but a few gulps later, the substance was gone.

Tobirama felt sorrow budding inside him again as he gently lowered your head back to the pillow. He didn't withdraw his hand yet but rather let it slide up to caress your cheek tenderly, sighing heavily. Your breathing had already begun to even out.

He had wanted to tell you he'd be there - but there was no more time. Instead he closed his eyes to let his chakra graze over your network in an utterly warm and smooth way. With no small amount of grief he witnessed how its flow was becoming more dull again, how the fight against the disruption was stilling. Slowly, he intensified the connection and shifted his focus to your brain again, where activity was picking rapidly. Quickly, he smothered your consciousness with his chakra in the most tender way he could.

Whether or not you could still bear witness to the insane firework that your sensory cortices were unleashing on you, Tobirama couldn't know. He let his chakra linger a moment longer to examine you in hopes of finding an answer to the question - but it was futile.

Time to withdraw.

He removed his hand slowly and then procured a blindfold that he wrapped around your head loose enough for you to remove when you came to again. Then, he rose to his feet and walked to the window to close it, drew the curtains closed so the room was completely dark save for the light coming in from the hall.

Silently, he bid you a regretful goodbye, not even daring to speak now before he left the room and closed the door without making a sound.

See you in a few hours.

As soon as he turned around after sighing again heavily, a familiar voice called out.

"Tobirama!"

His head whipped around to the source of the noise. The worries and sorrow were swept away by stinging irritation. "Shut up, anija!", he hissed through clenched teeth. The handful of people in the hall turned their heads, but as per usual, Tobirama couldn't care less.

Hashirama froze in his tracks. He knew his brother's temper of course, but that attack felt uncalled for - he could tell by the telltale crease of his eyebrows, or what Tobirama sometimes mocked as the ‘kicked puppy look’ his elder brother had down to a science.

Either way, he stormed over towards Hashirama and still managed to not make a sound while doing so. "I just gave her the next dose," he explained, still not bothering to pipe down on the anger.

Hashirama held his hands up apologetically, smirking. "Ah," was all he got out now.

Tobirama huffed and then clicked his tongue to motion for his brother to follow him.

"I set up the laboratory in the basement," he began to explain, leading the way to just there. "I thought about a few things, too." He frowned. "You mentioned there was no storage of herbs or anything else that possibly might have been used to craft drugs or medicine of any kind?"

Hashirama hummed in an affirmative way. "No storage, no. But there was some laboratory equipment." His tone was thoughtful enough to make Tobirama think he already was on the same track he was.

"Then that means they either gathered everything they needed for the drug in Konoha or we actually brought with us the last of their supplies and they were running out of this 'leash'." A cold shiver ran down his spine at the implication of the latter. Not just for what it meant for you had they not managed to break you - but also your current predicament.

Your lifespan did not exceed a week right now, at most. If the Stone shinobi had used anything Tobirama couldn't procure here-

A tight feeling wrapped around his chest. His pace picked up if just to combat the budding ache in his heart.

He simply would not lose you.

Hashirama hummed again, but this time on a different note. "I don't think they were running out. The fact there was no excessive storage capacity down there speaks against that - Y/n had been in their clutches for weeks."

Now it was Tobirama's turn to ponder again. His brother was right. The hideout was not something that had been planned ahead meticulously. Furthermore, "They had not been planning on capturing Y/n, either. Which means they couldn't have brought excessive amounts of the drug with them. Besides, it is highly impractical to pack too much when infiltrating enemy lines." The logic was calming. That means it must be possible to synthesise the drug.

Sadly, Hashirama had another thought. "That is, of course, if they had no other means to prolong the onset of withdrawal symptoms - that the leash we brought with us actually just would’ve been used to tether more people to it."

Tobirama froze in his tracks. He turned around to glance at his brother with a frown. "Explain." He didn’t have to. He already knew what his brother was on about.

Hashirama sighed. "We know this drug firstly enhances all sensory capabilities in extreme ways, to first make the victim more susceptible to torture. Alright. But there is this chakra component to the drug," his index finger and thumb grasped his chin. "From what we've ascertained it firstly near freezes chakra flow. Later, the victim’s chakra begins to flow freely again, but then drug - and this I have not yet understood - disrupts the flow. The disruption causes the ultimately lethal effects of the withdrawal as the body tries to repel it worse and worse, causing systemic inflammation and ultimately shock. Repetitive dosages stop this effect, evidently. Thus the name, I presume. However, it is possible to think there might be some way - some treatment, maybe a jutsu - to set the disruption off again."

The argument was sound - and unsettling. It’d add another dimension of complexity to a problem that already smelled awfully rotten by how mysterious its components were looking. Tobirama blinked then, remembering something - “I doubt it. Y/n told me they frequently made her ingest a substance. Furthermore, remember how she reacted when we gave her the first dose. She was used to the psychotropic effects, thus the… intense moment.” The moment he made her think she was back in captivity.

Hashirama hummed only for a moment, then he nodded in agreement. “You are right. That does seem to rule out my theory.” Silence stretched for a few more moments, a fine frown forming on his brother’s forehead - Tobirama knew he was about to say something he wouldn’t appreciate. “I’m afraid I have the distinct notion that the chakra altering effects and the disruption the drug causes must be the product of alterations to an original substance. Either with chakra or by a jutsu, even.” His usually warm gaze was hard now - and Tobirama knew why.

It was one thing to recreate the contents of a poison - fairly easy, even, if one had a good lead. But to simply copy something like an alteration of an item with chakra or a jutsu even - that was a far more complicated task.

A task that would take up more time - time you didn’t have. Tobirama exhaled a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose as his other arm clasped around his chest in order to quell the swelling ache that was budding there, the haunting feeling forming. Of course he was confident in his skills.

But the stakes couldn’t possibly be higher.

If he didn’t figure this out in time -

You’d -

He shook his head briefly to sweep out the overcoming sense of a looming doom that was budding faster than he could control it and swallowed drily as though that’d help it somehow .

His hand dropped from his face and his arms were crossed in front of his chest now as he considered his brother's words. He took another deep breath. "Unfortunately, I agree. The drug does give off a weak chakra signature. We face a couple of questions," he finally answered, after a brief moment. "First off, how is the chakra altering component of the drug related to its psychotropic effect?" He quirked up an eyebrow. But he already was turning around to continue on their way down to the laboratory.

However, he continued - might as well speak freely about the figurative business order now. "Secondly, how does the withdrawal effect set in? Is it because of metabolic shifts due to a lack of the substance? That would mean the disruption is part of a physical addiction. Or, does the drug actually alter its effect based on the time since indigestion? That… will be even more difficult to replicate." His voice was already gruff - by difficult, he meant near impossible without so much as a lead. Such a feat was poison maker master class. Extensive involvement of chakra, no less.

The ache of his heart began to constrict his chest worse again; he took rebellious, even breaths against it. Outwardly he remained perfectly calm - truth be told, he was. Even in the face of this adversary.

It just meant he had no choice but to try and give it his all. He desperately hoped this option was not the case.

Hashirama's voice was grim now, too. He was well aware of the implication. "It doesn't have to be that complicated. It might be related to the blood levels of the drug. That can drastically alter the effects of medications."

Tobirama's frown smoothed somewhat - he was aware of his brother's attempt to get off the grim route his thoughts had been taking, but the objection was sound nonetheless. "Or it's both." Still, Tobirama wasn't so naive to get infected by his brother's ever present optimism.

Even if right now, he really could do with some sunshine.

Hashirama let out one of his rare exasperated sighs. "Or that." He, on the other hand, wouldn't get infected by his younger brother’s pessimism, either. Or realism, as Tobirama liked to call it. No, Hashirama just became annoyed at times.

They reached the door of the makeshift laboratory. Tobirama half had a mind to lock the door after they entered simply so nobody would interrupt him, but then he might not be notified if anything was wrong with you.

Hashirama strode over to the bench hoisting the equipment, exhaling a low whistle. Tobirama followed and eyed the small vial of the 'leash' he had drawn off the bottle they had. The least possible amount, at least by what he could imagine from his experience.

Hashirama noticed, too. "We'll have to make some considerations beforehand." His tone was serious, his forehead wrinkled in ponder.

Tobirama huffed. "Of course." He crossed his arms again. "Based on our considerations they must have used ingredients found within the Land of Fire. More precisely, the area where Y/n was kept."

"That is not too helpful. That area is a vast forest with rich vegetation. And we don't know how far they went to gather them." Hashirama countered thoughtfully.

"You are right. But we need to start somewhere. And that is analysing what is in this," his fingernail flicked at the vial, "before we think about the effect on the victim’s chakra. Furthermore," Tobirama added with a roll of his shoulders, "only a handful of the plants that grow in the area, even in the wider area, have the intense psychotropic effects we witnessed in Y/n. Or the potential to develop them." He turned to gaze at his brother through narrowed eyelids again.

Hashirama's mien was unreadable. "We need to know what's in there and in what quantities. Then we will still need to figure out how to make it work. There is another problem." His brown eyes turned to Tobirama now. He was perfectly grave now.

Tobirama could guess what this problem was. "How are we going to test the experiments?" His baritone voice was just as low from sincerity.

Hashirama nodded.

Of course, he also had given that some thought. But the answer to that question was very simple. At least to him. Tobirama held his gaze evenly. When he spoke his next choice words, his heart didn't miss a beat. "There are five willing test subjects in the interrogation and torture headquarters right now. Six, actually." Akio must have arrived by now, too.

Hashirama sucked in a sharp breath through his nose. "That's a step too far, Tobirama. It might severely harm them. Kill them, even." His tone became stern. “They’re our prisoners.”

Tobirama bristled with low, swirling anger. And this, too, he had expected from his brother - moral qualms with what Tobirama figured was very sound logic. He crossed his arms, his stare boring through his brother. "What do you suggest then, anija?" His voice dropped below zero. "Test everything on Y/n?"

The question was rhetorical, of course. And Tobirama knew that his brother knew - in fact he dared him to answer it.

Hashirama closed his eyes and rubbed a hand over his face. "I am not, of course," he readily answered before Tobirama could make a cutting comment on your condition or deliver another scathing, cynical remark.

Tobirama seized the silence that followed. "They were trespassing our borders, captured one of our own and tortured her brutally and cruelly for weeks . Call me biased for Y/n's involvement, if you will. But between all our options for this problem, they're the most logical one."

Hashirama fell silent. He turned back to the table and gripped the edge, opening his eyes slowly.

Tobirama briefly considered upping the stakes by throwing Mito's name into the mixture - but he knew he didn't need to. It seemed unnecessarily cruel anyway - and it was not wise to tug at emotional strings in an argument like this. Besides, Hashirama on the other hand would be well aware of his brother's predicament, on top of the fact that he was most suitable for the job either way. Tobirama was a very good scientist, no matter who had been tethered to the leash.

Still. His brother's voice was heavy when he spoke again. "They still will receive every bit of safety we can grant them. And no unnecessary or cruel tests will be conducted." His gaze swayed to Tobirama, leaving no question about how much he meant that.

Tobirama arched an eyebrow slowly. He certainly wouldn't treat test subjects carelessly - they were in short supply, held vital information and were his only outlet for testing substances he'd end up using on - you. "Of course." His voice still was icy, though.

Hashirama held his gaze a moment longer, but then turned to the laboratory gear in front of him. "Let's begin."

They set up a variety of standard chemical procedures to determine the contents of the leash - different experiments that would, based on their results, narrow down the ingredients until they finally knew what exactly they were dealing with. The problem was that for some of the herbs in question more detailed chemical information was not available and thus they needed to test them themselves - fortunately, Konoha had all of the plants available in the first place. No further delays - except for the time the experiments themselves would take.

Tobirama had a pretty good feeling about the results - the answer to what was in the leash was getting closer, at least its contents. Not just for the fact that if the Stone shinobi had used Konoha herbs for this - but also based on his own experience with poisons, toxins and what he had seen in you.

Frankly what truly set him on edge was the very real - very likely - possibility that this drug was a far more devious concoction using not just chemical components, but also chakra itself which would be more difficult to replicate - counter, too.

Not just difficult. Near impossible.

He had to fight that thought down. One step after the other. Nonetheless it made his work swift as he couldn’t help but wonder if he was running from something that’d be crushing him.

You, actually.

After they had set up the last experiment, he gazed at the clock. There still was time before you'd wake from the sleep he had put you in - before the first phase of the leash had worn off.

He decided to put it to good use.

"Get more rest, Tobirama," Hashirama advised, after they both finished washing their hands. Was there concern in his voice?

Tobirama snorted. "I did that. Don't worry, anija." He went for the door, holding it open for Hashirama.

His brother rolled his eyes. "I don't think Y/n would appreciate how you're treating yourself, brother." He mentioned in passing.

Tobirama's gut churned, his gaze narrowing immediately. He knew precisely what kind of response Hashirama had sought to elicit from him. Right now, it only resonated in his worry and heartache. "Maybe. But she's not here because I'm being forced to drug her and put her to sleep after."

Hashirama stopped in his tracks to stare at his brother incredulously. "Do you practice this kind of caustic demeanor?"

Tobirama locked the door and shook his head. "No, it comes naturally. Easily, actually after everything that happened. And all that still goes on." His scarlet gaze turned to his brother again.

Hashirama's shoulders drooped. "We'll save her, Tobirama."

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to soothe the tight feeling in his chest. "We will."

Hashirama returned to his duties while Tobirama returned to a place he had high hopes for: the interrogation and torture unit's headquarters. Except there was one problem: it was late evening by now. Night, almost. A triviality to Tobirama, but it might cause a problem now of course. He still opted to stride in like he was part of the unit altogether - at the very least, they should know to expect him again after his first visit.

What a pleasant surprise it had been to actually find out not only had they known he'd return in a timely manner but also were prepared to receive him at this time of the day.

He could get used to that.

"Sleep deprivation is one of the most effective ways of… gaining information," his guide, Ikuro of the Yamanaka clan, provided after Tobirama had wondered that the building was still this busy this time of the day. A burly man, probably quite a couple of years older than Tobirama, who carried himself with remarkable grace for someone of his stature. His voice was deceptively friendly.

Tobirama was satisfied he seemed to be the one in charge of the six Stone shinobi.

"So, what have you found out about this 'leash'?"

Ikuro pursed his lips in a displeased manner. "I'm afraid they're all well trained when it comes to resisting our… methods," he answered slowly, waving for Tobirama to follow him down the corridor and the stairs he knew would take him to their cells.

However now, they took a turn into an adjourned office - where Ikuro picked up a piece of paper from the desk. "We've gleaned shreds from them, so far. The leash is more than just a drug administered to a victim, it seems."

Tobirama's neck hair rose up. Crossing his arms, he narrows his eyelids again to give Ikuro a glare that left little open about the urgency. Frankly he half had a mind to just snatch the piece of paper from him and read it himself.

Ikuro however was not fazed the slightest, in fact he had not even gazed up at Tobirama. "We can't say for sure yet, but what we learned strongly suggests it is a combination of drugs with some form of chakra. A jutsu, even, possibly."

That hit him like a punch in the gut.

Tobirama took a step to the side and raked through his hair with a hand. He knew this - his brother and himself had expected it, it had been logical - but to get the information now still felt like a physical strike. The heavy feeling inside of him had spread from his chest to his shoulders. He felt his heart hammer again in a painfully familiar war as he took deep and even breaths through the heartache that gripped him again.

Quickly, he forced himself to regain his composure. His task had just become a lot more difficult. He had known, really, prepared for this, so he should be calm - even if this was near impossibl-

No. He must not think that way.

Researching jutsu was even more up his alley than anything else in this mess. In fact, he’d go as far as to say the involvement of chakra made this all the more his business. Really, the daunting fact was he had never encountered anything like the leash and without a lead he might as well search for the proverbial needle in the haystack.

While you were dying.

He felt like shouting profanities. Actually, he should've expected this. He felt stupid for even thinking it might be as simple as finding out what herbs they used.

"I see. Anything else?" His baritone voice was neutral.

"The effects of the drug, though ... I'm sure you know those already." Ikuro considered him with a careful glance now.

Tobirama was getting more impatient. He sighed. "There still might be more information." He extended his hand. "Please?", he hoped that had sounded as polite as he wanted it to.

And not as irritated as he felt.

Ikuro hesitated again. “I must warn you.”

Tobirama’s gaze narrowed as he once more reminded himself why it was important to behave, not snatch up the paper and read it. Even so, he wouldn’t conceal the irritation in his voice anymore. Anyone who tries to stall him would burn up his patience faster than dry parchment. “I am very confident whatever it is, I can take it. As you know, I’ve seen and done a lot myself at this point.”

The burly man was entirely unfazed and only shook his head dismissively. “It is possible the information we got here might be flawed, or even incorrect, serving only to demoralise you. The prisoners are well equipped to handle torture. This? This was almost too easy to obtain. And… it isn’t pretty.”

An ice-cold shiver ran down Tobirama’s spine. He had a distinct notion as to what part of the leash this information did pertain. His jaws clenched so hard muscles hurt - only for a moment as he steeled himself for what was to come. “I need to know everything.”

Ikuro handed him the precious sheet wordlessly then.

Tobirama read it at record speed.

And instantly, his stomach clenched in a most uncomfortable way by now he only thought his heart would be doing.

In great detail, the effects of the withdrawal from the leash were described - starting with what you had experienced down to far more sinister and horrible stages. First came fever, disorientation, muscle cramps. Then, pain followed - this section was so colorful Tobirama knew someone had directed it at him. Searing, burning, splicing - from the inside out the victim would suffer brutally. After the pain came the real damage to the victim’s organs as their own chakra would try to repel the disruptors - the perceived pain became that of actual tissue dying, extremely excruciating while the body shut down piece by piece. Victims were confined to their own heads but never far away enough to stop feeling the pain. Death would be mercy, at last.

He closed his eyes momentarily to force away the pictures of you in the hospital bed; pale, lifeless, unmoving.

That won’t happen.

He would not allow it.

Inhaling a sharp breath he tried to reason this might be just a ploy as Ikuro had stated - or not. It didn’t matter, because this wouldn’t come to pass. Yet it didn’t exactly make stomaching the other bits to this report easier. Specifically the few clues about the nature of the leash - the implication was clear.

Chakra was involved in some way.

The question now was to what extent - how sophisticated. Was it responsible for the effects on your chakra network and therefore by extension the withdrawal, their main problem? Or did the chakra alter the contents in such a fashion they affected the chakra network? Already, Tobirama began to devise tests to ascertain just that.

While fighting against the constricting tightness that wound around his chest. Stole his breath. Stabbed his heart. You wouldn’t be lying dead in a bed-

It was daunting. And yet-

"You've not managed to break them, yet?" He finally inquired, rising up an eyebrow questioningly, perfectly at ease.

If Ikuro was surprised that Tobirama handled himself well - outwardly - then he did not show it at all. "I'm afraid it's not that easy. Not only are all of them resilient, they've also been subjected to several mental protection jutsu. Befitting for a squad with their task."

Tobirama exhaled an exasperated sigh. "Of course." He was irritated. Nothing came easy, here.

"Except," Ikuro spoke up again, arching an eyebrow, "For the prisoner called Akio. I must admit, I'm impressed with your work there, Tobirama. Though I'm afraid you've gone a bit too far. He's… broken apart." Ikuro tilted his head slightly.

Tobirama felt no shred of regret or pity for his actions or Akio. It had been absolutely necessary. Maybe a shinobi like Ikuro would've made better work of him, but they did not have such a person available then. It was as simple as that. Besides, he simply couldn't see past the current predicament he - you - found yourself in. "He is lowest in rank and didn't even know about the 'leash' to begin with. But I'll be sure to take lessons next time," Tobirama added in a sarcastic tone.

Ikuro smiled drily. "Oh, don't get me wrong - it was good work. Just intense."

Tobirama huffed. "It was an intense moment." He decided to leave it at that and switch the topic: "I'm currently replicating the 'leash' in order to secure Y/n's immediate survival," he explained as neutrally as he could, but the constricting sensation around his chest was becoming worse. "I'll need to test out my experiments results. I've gotten my brother's permission to do so on these six prisoners."

Ikuro's eyebrows rose slowly. A smile formed that might have creeped out a more fainthearted person easily. "I see. Well, we welcome such inventions," his tone was velvety.

Tobirama wasn't sure how to feel about that just now. This leash was a powerful weapon that would fit well in Konoha's arsenal. He left it at that.

"It might help cracking them open, too," Tobirama added.

"Indeed." Ikuro grinned now. Then, he mellowed somewhat. "We'll be working both angles. The leash, as well as breaking them to get the information needed to cure Y/n."

Tobirama gave a somber nod. That he was sure of.

By the time Tobirama walked back to the hospital, the moon was shining pale over the village. Still, he spared his surroundings no second thought.

His focus was entirely on his objective once more. It was easy to smother the looming sense of doom that haunted him by breathing the fresh air. Venting his mind. Reorganise, recuperate. Walks like this often helped him. There was a lot of work to be done.

You still were living on borrowed time, as it was.

And today he had learned that extending that time alone will be a far more difficult task than he initially had thought it to be. Frankly identifying the contents of the leash was the least of his problems now - he was quite confident the experiments they had set up would already show what herbs are involved. But the modification with chakra - to what extent had it altered the substance? Or was it chakra itself that caused the disruption? A jutsu?

Questions he had asked himself before, that now bored into his mind in a fashion that almost caused a headache.

The clock was ticking fast, and all he could do was come up with more questions while it stole the breath from his lungs. If he didn’t find answers fast, then you’d die one of the most horrible deaths he ever read about.

It was a huge, damn mess.

"Fuck!", he shouted suddenly, and in a rare fit of unleashed anger, he kicked at the next pebble in front of him.

A groan pressed past his clenched teeth as he raked through his short hair again. He huffed. Then he sighed. When he entered the hospital lobby and checked the clock in the hall, he cursed under his breath. His little excursion had taken longer than he had expected - he should have used his hiraishin seal to get to you. You should be awake again by now.

#tobirama #tobirama senju #tobirama x reader #tobirama senju x reader #sekhmet writes

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