#he jsut doesnt have a lable | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sxly · 7 years

Text

I don’t know

Sorry about the spam post text. So here’s background information for context. Since I was in 7th or so grade i’ve been forced to be the adult in my family. My dad ditched (black sterotypes ftw). Mostly it was just a lot of making random dinners reminding my mom to do things and get groceries and getting him ready/ to school. Then my mom had another kid when I was about 12 or 13. But by this time she was already pretty hooked on the pain meds and anxiety meds. but she was managing. She had a steady job as a nurse and things were chill. I thought I’d be a teenager and do random stupid shit. Fast forward to somewhre around. for a bit it was chill. We did some family shit, my mom seemed to realize her problem and was working on it.

Then around 9th-10th grade she got back on all the meds and it got worse. Most of the days she was in bed nodding in and out of consciousnus. I’d take my brothers to and from school/ daycare and pick up groceries. Doing the laundry for everyone and all that good shit. Then around the end of 10th into 11th grade my mom got sick. She got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and it became a shitshow from there.

My grandma was out of town for the first 45-60 days because of her work. So as a a result most of my days consisted getting caleb clean fed and ready for school and same with jerermiah, making sure he did homework or w/e. Getting groceries, and dealing with anything that needed to be dealt with. My grandma got back, and after a while I thought “Great I can breathe and be a kid again” but what eneded up happenening was since my mom was sik and couldnt work we lost our house. It fucking sucked.

We moved in with my grandma, intending it to be a thing that only lasted until my mom oculd get better and go back to work. (because the doctor had said hers was caught early enough that with a quick removal of the toumor she would be fine after like 6 weeks of chemo and 3-6 months of rest. But what eneded up happenening is my mom just kept taking her pain meds and switching docotors to get more, which led to fights between my mom and grandma.

All the meanwhile I had still been taking care of my brothers and shit and basically being the father figure. My brother had been skipping first period to go play with his friends (6th grade shit, whatever) but it had forced the school to do a wellfare check (they send police officers to your house to jsut make sure everything and everyone is okay and if there si anything they can do.) While the police were there my mom assumed my grandma had called them because she was being a “bad mother” (shes not the best mom but definately not the worst) which my grandma hadn’t. It became a really loud verbal fight that almost turned phsysical until the police broke it up. The police calmed everyone down before leaving saying something along the lines of “we’ll e back to check again.”

I sat both my grandma and mom down and explained that ebcause of their actaions and the fact they couldnt chill for .5 seconds that there was now a high probability that DFCS would be involved now. They told me to shut up and that I didn’t know what the hell I was talking about.

About a week later the police show back up with a social worker. My mom flis her shit again and my grandma starts yelling too. The social worker takes some notes and whispers some things to the cops. Me and my brothers all get interagated seperately and asked if we had any bruises and what not. Shortly after they left.

My mom still in a rage, cusses my grandma out and takes caleb and her medicine bag and starts walking wherever yelling that she’ll sell herself for money if she needs to. (Her van had been repoed because she just stoped making payments on it) this freaks everyone out becasue my mom was in a psychotic state with my baby brother. We call the police and just ask them to bring them to my grandmas house and we could figure it all all out. My mom tries to fight the police and is being crazy so they lable her a psych risk and take her to a psych hospital for 72hrs and bring my brother back with us.

My mom gets out, we go through the whole DFCS process, my grandma is given temporary custody of me and my brothers and my mom is is pissed anout it. She calls and sends ridiculously nasty text to everyone in the family to the the point that other than me none of the family is willing to talk to her. My grandma kicks my mom of the house. So she moves in with a family friend. My highschool graduation comes around. But because of all the fammily tension, it is just a shitshow. That night like many I ended up crying and cutting in the bathtub. Summer comes and isn’t too bad, I got to go with one of my friends from highschool and I met my roomate whos pretty cool.

Summer semester starts, I have the same roomate which is cool, and being able to see Carissa all the time is awesome.

But it doesnt last long. Fall semester starts but carissa wasn’t able to stay at the school so she became a transient student which made both of us miserable. I start looking for a job and I find a really cool tech job in the campus library maintainting all the computers. The guys tells me he has two spots open so I excitedly tell my roomite to apply too becasue were both into computers. We both get interviews, but on the day of my interview, my professor decides hes gonna hold us a bit late in class. Once I find I cant make the appointment I email the Library boss and ask if we could reschedule and he says its no big deal and thanks for letting him know, and to just let him know when class ends so I can meet with him. The interview goes well and I go home happy thinking I land the job. After a week or two of not hearing back from him I email him just making sure everything is on the up and up. He tells me that I didn’t get the job and instead he gave the postition I wanted to my roomate and that if I’m gonna be late I should’ve rescheduled. I reminded him of his email to me about not worrying about it and he said that doesn’t matter. Fuck, fine. I cry. I cry a bit about it but whatever. My birthday comes around, my friends up here help me celebarete but most of my family refuse to say anything for fear of starting shit with my mom. happy 18th Christian! Every month until I signed out of state custody this social worker would come up to the school and talk to me and ask a bunch of random questions. “do you think about hurting yourself?, DO you think your mother would hurt your brothers?” etc... Druring all this my mom goes back to the hospital, apparently its with her heart. I go visist a few times and from talking to the doctors about her history, we (the doctors and I) become fairly certian its because of all the meds. The school things sucks but w/e I keep going.

Spring starts, my mom is back in the hospital, and apparently she had gotten married. (Suprise!!!) although its not a real legal marraige, it was just something she told everyone. for whatever reason. She had been kicked out of the family friends house and had moved in with this missionary couple. Who she’s still with and I guess i’ve just stopped caring. Carissa and I broke up, but it was wholy my fault. I cheated on her more than once. I don’t know what I was looking for I guess.

We were all gonna get a house but I found out that I cannot keep my job at school over the summer and that it more than likely will be filled by the time fall rolls around. I *think* I can make the house thing work but i’ll be miserable getting to watch everoyne else head off to class and whatever.

0 notes